gon



                
point
point

point

thugs
 thugs

thugs

later
 later

later

lateral
lateral

lateral

nugget
nugget

nugget

ons
ons

ons

am i
am i

am i

witnessed
witnessed

witnessed

either way
either way

either way

kidding
kidding

kidding

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Bill Clinton, Bitch, and Driving: l Verizon 5:49 PM 0 * 42% whats-an-egg / safety-offcer-barto Salt and Pepper Diner is John Mulaney's funniest bit" is Xanax/Prostate Exam erasure and I will not stand for it officialqueer The overlooking of "The One Thing You Can't Replace" is a criminal act. jewishdragon LISTEN, I WAS JUST WATCHING JOHN MULANEY AND I RAISE YOU DUCKLINGS! bisexualgambit HOW COULD YOU NOT SAY DELTA AIRLINES???? kurtwagnermorelikekurtwagnerd Bill Clinton Never Forgets A Bitch, Ever safety-officer-barto The responses to this post have been so amazing because it's reminded me, and I'm sure many others, of just how many hilarious bits John Mulaney has other than s&pd incendiarysongbird okay, but eighth graders doorstoplord could be a nursery awesomealfry being 12 years old on anotger continent is a great alibi starry-nightengale "Why buy the cow, question mark?" gadgethewolf THAT TALL CHILD LOOKS TERRIBLE apartmentofstabs And then. He ordered one black coffee for himself And kept driving spectralbarbhollano LOOK AT THAT HIGH WAISTED MAN, HE GOT FEMININE HIPS silly-slacker-person "We gon play jacks down at the soda fountain" NOBODY KNOWS WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT YOU IDIOT Y'know, how you talk to your grandma? ghettoinuyasha hello? HUSH bakvvas Eat assy buck a dick, and bell druugs mellowstarscape THEREISAHORSE LOOSE INTHE HOSTPITAL Source: safety-officer-barto 82,341 notes > anduinsholydick Tailor Automatic Screenshot Stitching I’m sorry but there is a Norwegian cruise liner leaving for Martinique and my plan is we both get very dressed up, including hats

I’m sorry but there is a Norwegian cruise liner leaving for Martinique and my plan is we both get very dressed up, including hats

5 Am, Being Alone, and America: This is how I like to wake my good girl. (🎥: reddit u-din7) Look bruv some of y’all smart like y’all just gon be successful in life on the strength of being hella smart alone. But some of y’all ain’t smart. Actually y’all dumb (low key 😂). But u wanna know some bruv? U CAN STILL ABSOLUTELY KILL IT IN LIFE. “Smash wayment. U saying even if I’m dumb I could kill it in corporate America? How Sway? 🤔” I’m absolutely saying that. I got clients that will take your breath away with they intellect - hell one CEO I work with is a biomedical engineer. He ain’t een have to stunt on em like that! He coulda had a lil state school MBA! Nah. He a PhD in a field that ain’t een applicable! He could be negotiating pricing on a multi million $ agreement and disagree with u and then then heck around and slice ya ear off then make u a substitute synthetic ear in a Petri dish and reattach it like “bam - no love lost - just wanted to biomedically engineer u right quick - this ear is bionic and will let u hear perfectly bless up.” But nah on the other end of the spectrum is executives who are just hella dumb. Couldn’t write an email without typos if they had a gun to they head. But u know what they are, bruv? Always and without fail? EARLY 😂. Dumb people in corporate America early as HELL bruh. U know I love our armed services and got nothing but respect for them bruv but do u know why it’s so many former soldiers - marines - Air Force in corporate America bruv? Not bc they naturally smarter - they just early! If u at ya desk sending email at 7 am bruv u look authoritative. Sharp. U feel me? Dedicated. Hell I got one client she get to work at 6! And another one that get to work at 5. FIVE 👏 A 👏 M 👏. Now look I’m not saying u HAVE to be at work at 7 am. I’m just saying if u DO, people will perceive u as a BOSS - even if u literally braindead. U feel me? Trick: I get up to pray early then go back schleep but before I do, I reply to emails from overnight. That way people like “wow he up at 5 am damn.” Nah. I’m up to email y’all a$$es before snoozing 😂. But if y’all wanna assume then good 😊. Either get to work early or email early (like my dumb a$$) - may God bless all of u in ya careers. Bless up! 😂😂😂

(🎥: reddit u-din7) Look bruv some of y’all smart like y’all just gon be successful in life on the strength of being hella smart alone. But s...

America, Be Like, and Bless Up: Kirk, a female Border Collie, watching herself win the 2017 Purina Pro Challenge. DOG PLAN p3 Ain’t I been told y’all?! BYOBC. No, not bring your own bottle - bring ya own is bottle is cancelled stop drinking so damn much and enjoy the Thai food without the liquor cot dammit that curry is delicious on its own without the merlot but lemme not start, that’s for another day lmao. BYOBC mean Be Ya Own Biggest Cheerleader. U feel me? Always. Celebrate ya own success. Motivate YOURSELF. Ultimately among friends but even among family u gon have people cheering for you buuuuuuut NOT really cheering for u 😂. This ain’t bc they evil! They might be - like some of them - but mainly they probably just a lil tight that they ain’t having success like u. U feel me? That’s why u gotta watch out sometimes about bragging about ya accomplishments all on Facebook and LinkedIn like “truly humbled to humbly be awarded the 40 Under 40 in My [Extremely Specific Field of Work] in [Oddly Specific Geographic Region]”. U really humble bc u seem hella braggadocious right now no shots lol. Just keep some of that inside and be thankful to God and celebrate with yourself not bc u the sh!t but because u know that out of all the people that God could have rewarded for they hard work he chose you. “But smash I work 10x harder than all my friends, I deserve my success!” No. U deserve nothing. It’s Filipino workmen in Dubai right now building buildings in 120 degree heat to make a lil scratch to send home. THEY work harder than u. It’s just that u was born in America and they was born in the Philippines u get me! That’s why every time I pull an all nighter for work on a transaction, I remember that but for the Grace of God, I could be in Dubai on the 98th floor of a building working myself to death. May God always make us thankful and may he reward our hard work. Be ya own cheerleader beloveds! Bless up ❤️

Ain’t I been told y’all?! BYOBC. No, not bring your own bottle - bring ya own is bottle is cancelled stop drinking so damn much and enjoy th...

Bless Up, Boo, and Cheetos: Walter running for his daily swim One of my followers commented: “why do dog paws smell like Fritos? I still love them 😊.” See this raise a very important issue about women and that is, if she love u, she gon find nasty things endearing, whereas if she don’t fvck with u no more, she gon find nasty things HELLA NASTY. Case in point... 1) Fritos that smell like Fritos = yummy 😂. Don’t let nobody tell u different. When u was a kid and u seen them little bags with the yellow and maroon package boy it was on like all type of donkey kong. Deerishis. (2) Dog paws that smell like Fritos = bueno! C’mon now if a dog stink a lil bit that’s expected. He a animal. He ain always gon smell like rosebuds. (3) Humans that smell like Fritos = IT DEPEND 😂. Bruv u give a girl that soul-snatching, Nani wall chakra realigning, organ rearranging deep Pipington? Where the stomach end up where a lung should be and her liver trade places with her kidney bruv? Then it don’t matter no more. U could smell like Fritos. Cheetos. Bruv u could smell like a 17 lb slab of aged Camembert cheese on it, it don’t matter. She gon be texting her friend the next day (with a pack of iced peas on her Nani because she can’t move 😊) talmbout “GURRRRRL. WHY THIS MAN TAKE HIS DRAWLS OFF LAST NIGHT AND THE WHOLE ROOM SMELL LIKE FRITOS 😂 lmaooo 😂 Nah but he coming over again tonight doe 😆 we in the middle of a Seinfeld marathon. We bout to get to the episode where Costanza rock the big a$$ down coat u remember that one? Anyway girl lemme holla at u AYE like my last pic if u don’t mind bye boo!” 😂 But let that lil situationship end bruv? Oh now he ain’t cute at all. “GIRL I AM DONE WITH THAT MAN. CAN’T RETURN A TEXT. DON’T CLIP HIS FINGERNAILS. STANKY SMELLIN A$$, I AM DONE.” But her friend ain’t getting them texts. Nope. Because her ‘friend’ is at Mr. Frito’s crib, putting toilet paper around the toilet bowl so she can pee bc his place filthy 😂. But see that’s when she knew the pipe game was beyond exquisite bc nobody would find frito smell cute unless dude was going Ham and Bananington on the Nani so she went to see for herself and now she supporting dude and paying his cell phone bill 😊. Y’all be safe now! Bless up 😂😂😂

One of my followers commented: “why do dog paws smell like Fritos? I still love them 😊.” See this raise a very important issue about women a...