gon



                
point
point

point

thugs
 thugs

thugs

later
 later

later

lateral
lateral

lateral

nugget
nugget

nugget

ons
ons

ons

am i
am i

am i

witnessed
witnessed

witnessed

either way
either way

either way

kidding
kidding

kidding

🔥 | Latest

America, Bad, and Bless Up: Woke up to this. He isn't allowed on the bed so he kept his hind legs on the floor. Reddit u/AndThatsAllSheWrote @DrSmashlove Ladies and gentlemen I gotta speak on something right quick before this become a epidemic. We need to collectively hold hands as Americans and address this issue. In the airport security line today I done seen not one. Not two. Not een three. FOUR young tings wearing the following outfit: colorful Crocs or Birkenstocks. Colorful a$$ socks. Black tights. Big baggy a$$ t shirt. No makeup. Hair disheveled. Not like a bird’s nest bc that could be a look, nah. Like someone had cocked a shotgun and SHOT a bird’s nest - “Smash, who would SHOOT a bird’s nest?” - EXACTLY - who would have this hair style in a public place?! 😂 Now u gon say, well it was probably early morning, what do u expect. NAH. TWO PM IN THE MF AFTERNOON 😂. Now it wouldn’t had been bad but then u got these lil tings flying back to Latin America unpacking they carry on full of Reese’s, M+M’s, Pringles, XBOX controllers and other gifts for people back home. These ladies dressed like they going to a fancy dinner bruv! Same age group! Lil nice pair of loafers, slim jeans, lil sportcoat, lil Louis Bag. Dignified! U feel me? Like the rich kid in ya high school like how his sexy mama dressed lmao u feel me? Like that! Side note: how everyone in Peru and Panama got a Louis canvas that Louis canvas ISPURNSIVE! Not expensive but like 2 chain and yo Gotti say ISPURNSIVE LMAO! Now u gon say “WELL AMERICAN GIRLS ARE CASUAL SMASH WHAT DO U EXPECT THIS ISN’T SOUTH AMERICA U WANT A SOUTH AMERICAN WOMAN THEN GO TO SOUTH AMERICA OL ENRIQUE IGLESIAS LOOKIN A$$. RICKY MARTIN SHIRT UNBUTTONED TO YA BELLY BUTTON...LOOKIN A$$.” Chill. U ain’t have to lump me with Ricky Ricardo for making a observation. I’m just saying it’s ladies dressing like grow folk and it’s ladies dressing like they headed to a fifth grade slumber party IF U AIN’T IN FIFTH GRADE ANY MORE U AIN GOTTA DRESS LIKE A FIFTH GRADER. IT’S HIGHER GRADES NOW LOL. YOUR FOREIGN COUNTERPARTS ARE DRESSING LIKE THEY GETTING A MBA DEGREE I’M JUST LETTING U KNOW. GO HEAD ROAST ME NOW. I’M JUST SAYING BAN THIS CANCER OF AN OUTFIT BEFORE IT GET TRACTION BLESS UP 😂😂😂

Ladies and gentlemen I gotta speak on something right quick before this become a epidemic. We need to collectively hold hands as Americans a...

Af, Amazon, and Anaconda: His freedom ride home, he realized he was being adopted. He also tried to steal my cheeseburger @DrSmashlove Reddit u/3riny3s A few weeks ago I hyped up a anti perspirant called Tom’s North Woods. It smells absolutely wonderful and works great. HOWEVER. It got aluminum in it 😖. Bro!! How u gon be a natural product and u got aluminum! I read the packaging closely and it said “naturally sourced aluminum.” FOH 😂. “We naturally select our poisonous metallic substances from the finest natural mines.” Aluminum is an ELEMENT. It’s pure. There is no difference between aluminum from recycled pepsi cans and aluminum from a mine. I was mad AF 😤. So I went back on my quest to find something natural. Well lo and behold Tom’s makes natural deodorant that’s called “wild lavender”. And lemme tell u - it smell pleasant asf! Like basically u slather it on and u sniff ya underarm and u magically transported to the soap aisle of Whole Food and a pleasant hipster girl with ear spacers, short hair, and a name tag that say “RAIN” smile at u 😍 (side note: was she born ‘Rain’? Or is her name Mandy but she adopted the name ‘Rain’ after attending burning man and dropping acid once? Maybe her Nani make it ‘Rain’? 😍 lmao I’m wild lemme stop 😂.) Caveat: if u work out hard AF like me, it will wear off a lil bit. Like for a 100 degree hot summertime Chi day u might could go with the Tom’s north woods aluminum joint. It will give u cancer-memory loss but at least u smell spicy 😂. Also and I done said this before: I shave my public hair which is a tradition among people of my faith. I know some of u women like “ew - DEALBREAKER!” WELL FU— just kidding! Baby girl that’s fair! 😂 I accept our incompatibility and hope u find the hairy Chewbacca lookin a$$ Man of ya dreams! 😍 Now then u men out here at the gym with the grapefruit sized amazon rainforest patch of stinky-ass underarm hair that drip white liquid on the elliptical, the ‘wild lavender’ may not cut it 😂. Y’all got that ‘built in’ stincc u probably need Mitchum. But if u down with that razor life it will give u plenty of protection against Le Stincc. May all of u live blessed and chemical free lives bless up 😍😂

A few weeks ago I hyped up a anti perspirant called Tom’s North Woods. It smells absolutely wonderful and works great. HOWEVER. It got alumi...

Bad, Be Like, and Blac Chyna: Took my dog to the groomer and they sent me this. She climbed into a kennel for small dogs AND somehow managed to turn all the way around. She's so pleased with herself. @DrSmashlove Pic: reddit u/fireismyporn Bruh y’all being way too hard on my girl Blac Chyna. See y’all gotta understand, some women...they like secretaries. If u give them a task and they don’t wanna do that task...they do a bad job! That’s just how some of u women be! My first secretary? I asked her to please make me a binder. The result? Tabs was messed up, everything mishmashed - even the hole punches wasn’t aligned 😂. Just skrate to the recycling bin. Lesson learnt: Sally don’t do binders 😂. That’s Blac Chyna. She didn’t like that task. She like “lemme do this hella mediocrely. Then he gotta start doing something *I* like.” U feel me? Now other women bruh they gon do the most. They could dislike something but for YOU? They love it. I was once laying Pipington to a yung ting and she was visibly into it but after a lil while she kinda broke out of character like “o babyyyy ... aye baby you close? It’s hurting a lil bit 😬 KEEP GOING DON’T STOP!” ... BRO! I FUXED WITH HER HONESTY LOL! 😂 Bc up until then she was (ostensibly) loving every moment! That right there is a pleaser bruv. But don’t get it twisted! U can convert her. If she a pleaser but u inattentive, selfish, and ignore her cues? Guess what now she a secretary. She bad at everything now 😂. “Sorry I already brushed my teeth and got ready for bed can we not? 😬” Like one of them old secretaries. Emeritus status lol. Just waiting on her retirement party talmbout “After 48 years of service Shirley has informed us she’s retiring, we will miss her 😌” like bish don’t u mean 38 years of service and 10 years of Shirley talking isht in the coffee room?! 😂 Now then, if u kindly, conscientious and wonderful, she gon convert from a secretary to a pleaser. She gon do things she ain’t een really into bc she like YOU! U be like “wow Stephanie I didn’t even know u liked this position lol! Where u learn this? U cheating? Lemme see ya phone 😤 I’LL KILL U *AND* HIM LOLOL JK NAH FR THO WHERE U LEARN THIS 😍.” 😂 U feel me? She gon upgrade HERSELF if she fux with u. Blac Chyna bruh? She don’t fux with that dude. For all we know she just paid for dinner AND his car note. Let a woman pay for u she be a secretary REAL QUICK BLESS UP 😂

Bruh y’all being way too hard on my girl Blac Chyna. See y’all gotta understand, some women...they like secretaries. If u give them a task a...

Ass, Bitch, and Bruh: When you at the doctor gettin a physical and he go to grab ya balls bruh if you get a physical and your doctor is a female, it’s the worst. Lemme set the scene for y’all. 5th grade, a young nigga is playing football every weekend after school. My team was the Vikings and our quarterback was some ass, so we were a pretty good representation of the NFL team. Anyway I needed to submit a physical before practices began. So my mom swerve up to a doctors to get a physical. Whole time during the car ride I’m thinking: “Wow, some random ass nigga is gon fondle my ballsack.” Luckily and sadly that wasn’t the case. So I get called in to go next and we walk back to the doctors room. The doctor inside the room is a 30 year old white dude so I’m like, “Ay no homo.” “Huh?” He goes. “I just had to say that before we begin.” They do the standard heart beat and ear checks and shit right. Then all of sudden the doctor says, “Mom, if you’d like to step out, another doctor will be in to do the rest.” So now I’m hyperventilating like fucking spongebob cause I thought ol dude was the one who was gon fondle me word to my uncle. But nah that wasn’t the case. So I’m sitting in the room by myself waiting for this other doctor to come in when the door opens. Ight so when I say this bitch was a pornstar in the making, I’m not exaggerating 🚫🧢 . Her face was a 9 and her body an 11 word to George Bush. And her fucking white coat was open just enough to see her cleavage word to sedimentary rocks. “Hi!” she says. “Go ahead and drop your pants for me and we can begin.” So me being me, I drop my pants and stand there in my underwear like a dumbass. She laughs at me and my ears get hot. “Those too.” She said. So slowly I drop my shit right, and now she gets on her knees in front of me. BOYYYYYYYY do you know how difficult it is to make your dick soft again when it hard? So she puts on gloves and grabs my nuts like it’s a fucking bowl of popcorn. “Look right and cough for me.” I tried to cough but I whimpered instead 💀 i was focusing so hard on NOT being hard. It was like my dick was a metalloid. Anyway she released her grip and I finally started breathing again. I pulled my pants up so fucking fast. Anyway moral of the story is, Naruto is stronger than Goku

bruh if you get a physical and your doctor is a female, it’s the worst. Lemme set the scene for y’all. 5th grade, a young nigga is playing f...

Be Like, Bless Up, and Bruh: My sister's gentle giant German Shepherd wears a bow tie everywhere because it makes people less intimidated and afraid of him. @DrSmashlove Reddit u/tricksy_trixie Say Bruh shout to u pretty a$$ ladies with resting bish face (RBF) bruv I fux with y’all. I fux witchu ladies the long way bruv y’all sexy. I’m talking and u just eyeing me. Scrutinizing me. U feel me? Am I making her mad? Is she disagreeing with me? What is she thinking? I need that. That element of risk. Like u might could reach across the table and break a bottle over my head bruv. That sh!t dangerous to me that’s sexy lol. Scowl at me. U feel me? HANGRY - even tho u just bodied four tacos, a bowl of guac, and a large horchata 😩. I fux with that. And women with RBF do well in business! That’s why women get successful and ppl be like “wow Susan is a bish” NO SHE AINT! SHE JUST GOT SKRONG RBF! “David if you don’t start being reasonable imma stab this pen into your neck. How you gon explain that to ya kids? You could have given us $17,000 more per month for this amazing software but nah. You wanted to die on your sword. Well David, act like a bish you gon DIE LIKE A BISH.” I mean I still remember tryina explain to my mama why my sister crying and my mama already got the chancleta IN HER HAND - RAISED - maybe EEN a wooden spoon in the other - just preparing for that cosmic two-tiered simultaneous SHLAP - SHMACK - CRACK of the spoon handle to end my existence u feel me? “Wow smash what a childhood that explains why you’re like this no wonder.” Ok first of all ...... YES ASF 😂. Y’all could judge my mama all u want to but u can’t have 1-on-1 convo’s with all ya chirren once u have more than three like after that u gotta be efficient and the flip flop - wooden spoon is efficient ASF. All I’m saying is at the end of the day I love my mama and perhaps RBF remind me of her Resting Boutta Whup Dat A$$ Face all I’m saying is for u ladies who are like “MY FRIENDS ALL SAY I HAVE THE WORST RBF LIKE HOW DO I GET RID OF THIS”...don’t 😍😂. As Tupac said, “You are appreciated ☺️”. Now none of u extra-a$$ ladies who follow me DM me talmbout “can I ride the Peepington while slapping u with a sandal and breaking wooden spoons on u zaddy ☺️” I told u I ain’t into being dominated! (Nah but DM me tho if u gon do it 🤤🤫) BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂

Say Bruh shout to u pretty a$$ ladies with resting bish face (RBF) bruv I fux with y’all. I fux witchu ladies the long way bruv y’all sexy. ...