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I thought I’d peaked before, but I was so, so wrong… This clearly is the best I’ll ever manage. I can’t ever hope to match it: 12:36 o s O NO Sl A 42% 4 < Jane Ari Pralle Chat Yeter 2u You iked Jane's phota Yetering onu I can't resist a good bad Christmas sweater What should your custom poem be about Ooh surprise me But that could be copy pasted and that's no tun Gimme something suuuuper specific And then I need a format choice toa, between Dr. Seuss poem, Shakespearean sonnet, or something custom Yesterty For the spirit of things, that same Christmas sweater. I think sonnet or Seuss style would be Interesting Sommet, final answer Sonnet Veetery 0PM I enjoy al these amusingly specitic soloctionsl Holiday sweaters. are my shit. Sit tight| Engaging ryicality Should Rudolph pause before a red so fine? Esch every handmade brickline laid with care No sweater on this earth match'd her desigrn, Doff polyester now for wool so fair. Nostalgic evenings end by fire's dance, Unending chest nuts roasting on the flame Doth time unerringly from thus advance? Enmesh fair memries in your fabric's frame. Such understated beauty holds the wreath, Just lookl espy her face for beauty more. And yonder ribbons dance and light bequeath, No trash pullover could so highly soar Each hearth lacks warmth in absence of such heart. Ere onto spring l'd never be apart. Tuday AM That was very well thought out, I really, really liked it Trsday M Haha thankall But just wait until you read the first ietter of each ine in the sonnet Taday SAM Dammit You're too clever Ch if anly it ended there. See the message I sent after your requesta, the one about the amusingly specific selections? Resd the first letter of each word in that sentence Tulay aAM Did not see that one coming Taday AM Oh, it only gets worse. The message after that one, starting with "holiday sweaters". Write down the first letter of each word, but than read it backwards Any other coded messages? Keeps on going fm afraid Check out the sonnet again. Read the first letter of the "second" word in each line Fedau AM Well played (at this point she guessed what's ahead and also did this one) I got that one Unsurprisingly there's also a secret message it you read the first letter of the third word in each ine Probably for good measure you could olso read the first letter of every message i sent "after the sonnet Th SENDNODES NE Sthash especttuy the hmanher Degr I thought I’d peaked before, but I was so, so wrong… This clearly is the best I’ll ever manage. I can’t ever hope to match it
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Me irl: Call FaceTime Add Contact Text Message I'm David. Your contact last month has "W O N'! Go to http://winyourxmas.com? FAJJHAKKFG and try - 6426 Wut? I don't know who this is? David? From like 2nd grade?! Dude I haven't talked to you in forever! Holy shit man! How have you been?! heard you got married to Karen. Dude, that's awesome. I'll admit it was a little weird for me when you two started dating given our history, but I'm so stoked for you. I mean, she was like my girlfriend for 9 years and we were engaged. Then you knowI lost my job because of my drinking problem.. And then lost our house because of my cocaine problem... And then there's the fact I started beating her senseless because I was lashing out and she was the always the closet thing around that made me feel better when I hit it... lol does she still walk with that limp after I pushed her down the stairs? God, memories man, ya know? Actually don't tell her I said that. She probably won't think it's funny. She doesn't really talk to me anymore. How did her reconstructive jaw surgery go? At least is made her fat ass skinny because she had to eat through a straw right?! lolll you owe me a beer for that one dude. I still have a lot of her stuff actually. She got that restraining order against me so I didn't know what to do with it so it's just in a box sitting in the middle of my barren living room. Sometimes when I pick up a bottle and skip out on my AA meetings I just sit here and stare at it. It's actually making me kinda sad right now. No one could burn a TV dinner or take a hit like her you know? Damn, I shouldn't have looked inside this box. All this stuff and memories. I want her back David. Dude, stop. Then don't text me this stupid contest shit asshole. OText Message Send QWERTYUIO P ASD F GH JKL ZX CVBNM 123 return space Me irl
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steeiydan: no but let me add the context here! these are two pretty well known german tv personalities palina, the woman on the left here, gets a lot of really gross comments on her body, especially her boobs. stuff like (paraphrased cause they’re in german) “woah, i wanna cum all over those fat tits” or “she’s such a fucking hot slut i wanna fuck those tits” or “with her, half of the guys would cum before reaching her hole” and who can forget “palina, you are and always will be a juicy piece of meat i would drink out of”. and the media tends to really sexualize her too. so she and klaas (dude on the right), with the help of their team and and lovely ass-model decided to just drop this picture as an instagram, with the caption “finally got that nice necklace with my zodiac” the media was quick to pick it up as “ah she says its about the necklace but she wants to show her boobs!”, and of course there were more comments like “i jacked off to this like seven times in an hour” and “those tits should milk my cock dry” like a week later, they dropped the making-off video to that video and the rest is history Wundervoll: steeiydan: no but let me add the context here! these are two pretty well known german tv personalities palina, the woman on the left here, gets a lot of really gross comments on her body, especially her boobs. stuff like (paraphrased cause they’re in german) “woah, i wanna cum all over those fat tits” or “she’s such a fucking hot slut i wanna fuck those tits” or “with her, half of the guys would cum before reaching her hole” and who can forget “palina, you are and always will be a juicy piece of meat i would drink out of”. and the media tends to really sexualize her too. so she and klaas (dude on the right), with the help of their team and and lovely ass-model decided to just drop this picture as an instagram, with the caption “finally got that nice necklace with my zodiac” the media was quick to pick it up as “ah she says its about the necklace but she wants to show her boobs!”, and of course there were more comments like “i jacked off to this like seven times in an hour” and “those tits should milk my cock dry” like a week later, they dropped the making-off video to that video and the rest is history Wundervoll
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kittyknowsthings: friendlylycanthrope: ao3tagoftheday: ethermaster: ao3tagoftheday: [Image Description: Tag reading “donatello/michelangelo”] The AO3 Tag of the Day is: Renaissance fanart I’m gonna let you in on a secret. That aint renaissance fanart You know what, assholes? I run this blog for y'all every day. I see things you cannot begin to imagine. I have to read people’s Robespierre smut and their questions about how various monsters would fuck them. I am so jaded that, when someone submits a tag mentioning some random vaguely liquid substance without context, I just assume it’s being used as lube. Nutella? Lube. Crazy glue? Lube. Divine fucking ichor? Fucking lube! I do this for you, y'all. I shield you from this shit. I stand athwart the tides of horror, hold my hands up, and yell “STOP” in the hopes that it will keep the waters from reaching you. So you know what, fuckheads!? If I want to maintain the one tiny scrap of innocence I have left, I will. The official policy of AO3TagoftheDay is now that turtles, teenage, mutant, ninja, or otherwise, do not fuck. It never happens. They don’t fuck. They don’t fuck each other. They don’t fuck humans. They don’t fuck in real life and they don’t fuck in fiction. This tag is about two gay Renaissance painters holding each other close and kissing chastely under the Sistine chapel ceiling. There. Glad we got that sorted out. Please return to your regularly scheduled programming. Ao3tagoftheday finally snapped I don’t know why this is so funny but I’m laughing to the point of tears : Donatello/Michelangelo kittyknowsthings: friendlylycanthrope: ao3tagoftheday: ethermaster: ao3tagoftheday: [Image Description: Tag reading “donatello/michelangelo”] The AO3 Tag of the Day is: Renaissance fanart I’m gonna let you in on a secret. That aint renaissance fanart You know what, assholes? I run this blog for y'all every day. I see things you cannot begin to imagine. I have to read people’s Robespierre smut and their questions about how various monsters would fuck them. I am so jaded that, when someone submits a tag mentioning some random vaguely liquid substance without context, I just assume it’s being used as lube. Nutella? Lube. Crazy glue? Lube. Divine fucking ichor? Fucking lube! I do this for you, y'all. I shield you from this shit. I stand athwart the tides of horror, hold my hands up, and yell “STOP” in the hopes that it will keep the waters from reaching you. So you know what, fuckheads!? If I want to maintain the one tiny scrap of innocence I have left, I will. The official policy of AO3TagoftheDay is now that turtles, teenage, mutant, ninja, or otherwise, do not fuck. It never happens. They don’t fuck. They don’t fuck each other. They don’t fuck humans. They don’t fuck in real life and they don’t fuck in fiction. This tag is about two gay Renaissance painters holding each other close and kissing chastely under the Sistine chapel ceiling. There. Glad we got that sorted out. Please return to your regularly scheduled programming. Ao3tagoftheday finally snapped I don’t know why this is so funny but I’m laughing to the point of tears
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honeydrippingbeehives: ohhellorula: Bill Hader’s knife story is the funniest thing ever TRANSCRIPTIONBill Hader: This funny thing… As PAs we would all hang out. And there was this guy named Big–I was Little Bill on that show because there was a guy named Big Bill, he was like 6′7″–and this other guy named Jason Altieri. And one time Jason, he had this giant bowie knife, like a Rambo knife, and he was hitting a tree with it. [audience laughter] This is what we would do. [Bill laughs] This is Hollywood, guys!Jimmy Kimmel: You’re practicing editing!Bill: Yeah, he was editing! [unintelligible + laughter]Jimmy: The old-fashioned way.Bill: The old-fashioned way. This is the way they did it on Gone With The Wind, I tell ya! [audience laughter] You gotta get your editing thing together, your editing arm down. So he was cutting this thing and we were laughing, and then Bill comes over and he’s like “Hey, J, you should really stop messing with”–this is a cigarette–”you really should stop messing with the knife.” And J went [grunting noises] and he went “Hey, come on! Don’t do that.” And he walked away. Then Bucky, our prop guy, came over and he goes “Hey, I got that exact same knife but it’s retractable. It’s fake.” [inaudible + laughter] So he gets the fake one. He’s doing this…[Bill laughs] And it’s one of those things where we waited, like, an hour. [audience laughter] Like, you couldn’t go, “Hey, Bill! Come over here!” You had to be like…He has to just walk over. So we’re waiting for an hour and J is like “Guys, is he over? Ah, come on, man!” So finally, Bill comes over and goes, “Hey, are you still messing with that knife? You should stop messing with the knife, man.” And he went [grunting noise], and he went “I told you, don’t do that!” And then he just went [clunking sound effect] and stuck him right in the chest [Bill laughs] and Bill went “WHY?!” [laughter] He thought he was murdered! He legit thought he just got murdered! [Bill laughs] And we were…Oh, we were laughing so hard! [laughter] He just went “WHY?!” like that’s the thing you would say.[Bill laughs]Jimmy: Call his parents to tell his final words [Jimmy laughs]Bill: “What did Bill say?” Wait, wait til you hear what he said when he… [inaudible + laughter] He yelled “Why?” [Bill laughs]Jimmy: Oh, that’s good. Oh, boy.: abc honeydrippingbeehives: ohhellorula: Bill Hader’s knife story is the funniest thing ever TRANSCRIPTIONBill Hader: This funny thing… As PAs we would all hang out. And there was this guy named Big–I was Little Bill on that show because there was a guy named Big Bill, he was like 6′7″–and this other guy named Jason Altieri. And one time Jason, he had this giant bowie knife, like a Rambo knife, and he was hitting a tree with it. [audience laughter] This is what we would do. [Bill laughs] This is Hollywood, guys!Jimmy Kimmel: You’re practicing editing!Bill: Yeah, he was editing! [unintelligible + laughter]Jimmy: The old-fashioned way.Bill: The old-fashioned way. This is the way they did it on Gone With The Wind, I tell ya! [audience laughter] You gotta get your editing thing together, your editing arm down. So he was cutting this thing and we were laughing, and then Bill comes over and he’s like “Hey, J, you should really stop messing with”–this is a cigarette–”you really should stop messing with the knife.” And J went [grunting noises] and he went “Hey, come on! Don’t do that.” And he walked away. Then Bucky, our prop guy, came over and he goes “Hey, I got that exact same knife but it’s retractable. It’s fake.” [inaudible + laughter] So he gets the fake one. He’s doing this…[Bill laughs] And it’s one of those things where we waited, like, an hour. [audience laughter] Like, you couldn’t go, “Hey, Bill! Come over here!” You had to be like…He has to just walk over. So we’re waiting for an hour and J is like “Guys, is he over? Ah, come on, man!” So finally, Bill comes over and goes, “Hey, are you still messing with that knife? You should stop messing with the knife, man.” And he went [grunting noise], and he went “I told you, don’t do that!” And then he just went [clunking sound effect] and stuck him right in the chest [Bill laughs] and Bill went “WHY?!” [laughter] He thought he was murdered! He legit thought he just got murdered! [Bill laughs] And we were…Oh, we were laughing so hard! [laughter] He just went “WHY?!” like that’s the thing you would say.[Bill laughs]Jimmy: Call his parents to tell his final words [Jimmy laughs]Bill: “What did Bill say?” Wait, wait til you hear what he said when he… [inaudible + laughter] He yelled “Why?” [Bill laughs]Jimmy: Oh, that’s good. Oh, boy.
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