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shed1nja: salty-sadness22: kintatsujo: pretentioussongtitle: disease-danger-darkness-silence: captainroxythefoxy: e-v-roslyn: guu: kuruluv: catwithaknife: https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/kzqpd9/heres-an-insane-story-about-a-rogue-music-teacher-cutting-a-kids-hair what the fuck i’m just gonna take this post for a moment so i can rant but like i Hate how entitled adults can feel over a child’s hair! it started when i was young myself, i wanted a mohawk, but my dad didn’t approve of that look on a “girl”, and insisted i’d regret such a bold cut. at 16 i was finally given full autonomy over my own head. but then i have a son and everyone around us is trying to keep his hair short. when we finally moved out just me my partner and him, i told him he doesn’t need to get any haircuts he doesn’t want. so he starts growing it out, it’s still short but coming on mid-length. his teacher makes a point to tell me it’s getting long as if i don’t have eyes. i hear her walking out with him one day talking to him about haircuts, as if to coax him into one. eventually i get child services called on me for ‘forcing a transgender lifestyle’ over what i can only assume is from a combination of me drawing cute ponies on his valentine box and letting him go to school in a ponytail. he kept it short for awhile after but told me he wanted to grow it out again, so i let him of course. he comes home one day after getting a haircut at his grandpa’s and tells me he didn’t Want the haircut. i ask why he got it then and learned he was bribed with a promise of a surprise IF he cut his hair. tl;dr people need to back the hell up off of children and let them have owership of what’s on THEIR body! /rant Same thing about getting a child to curl or straighten their hair. Or do anything with it. Just let kids have control over their bodies. This happened to me when I was little too!! Growing up I had naturally tight Shirley Temple curls. The only problem was that you can’t get a hair brush through it if your life depended on it until it grew out over a few years. but This One Lady from church decided that leaving my hair messy and curly was child abuse and threatened to call social services on my family every damn time she saw me until one day she was the designated kid watcher and ho boy my momma tells me i came out with tears in my eyes and greasy slicked down hair and that’s where she ends the story because i think my mother beat her ass but yeah. Leave kids hair alone. I’m going to be honest, parents who are super-controlling of their children’s hair creep me the fuck out and I’m not entirely certain why except that I get a vague feeling they kind of relegate them to, “annoying talking doll” status. I loved my daughter’s long blond hair. It was thick and wavy and beautiful but when she told me she wanted it cut short ‘like a boy’(she was four)  I took her to the salon and let her whack it off.  The stylist was skeptical, ‘are you sure?” and the thing is, she said this to me, not my daughter. So I asked my girl ‘are you sure you want it cut short?’ She was. The hair went. The stylist acted nervous most of the way through like she was waiting for one of us to burst into tears, but it looked cute! And my daughter loved it! (And it’s been short ever since.) Autonomy over your hair is bodily autonomy and we as a culture need to start holding bodily autonomy as sacred My family, for years, wouldn’t let me dye/cut my hair really short. I could understand the dye, but the shortest they’d let me go is a bob. They even let me dye my hair before letting me go that short. I’m finally in control of my hair and my hair is one of my favorite things about myself. It’s an easy way to express myself. Let kids do what they want with their hair! Let them have fun with their hair before they’re told to grow up and have ‘professional’ hair! My mom had a monopoly over my hair. Wouldn’t let me wear it natural, was obsessed with me having flyaways in the front and wouldn’t let me get out of the car in the mornings until they were flat, permed it when I was 10, wouldn’t let me cut it off for years after even though it was really damaged, vocally disapproved when I finally cut it as short as she’d let me. When I moved out I stopped putting any heat in it and a few years later I cut it all off again. The second cut was my decision alone and it felt like a weight lifted off me, like no one could ever tell me what to do with it again or tell me “I needed it” to be pretty. My stepfather and his stepfather forced a hair cut on me 10 years ago because they said i was too girly for their tastes.I grew my hair out ever since because ill never go fucking bald again like those two fucking neo nazis: shed1nja: salty-sadness22: kintatsujo: pretentioussongtitle: disease-danger-darkness-silence: captainroxythefoxy: e-v-roslyn: guu: kuruluv: catwithaknife: https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/kzqpd9/heres-an-insane-story-about-a-rogue-music-teacher-cutting-a-kids-hair what the fuck i’m just gonna take this post for a moment so i can rant but like i Hate how entitled adults can feel over a child’s hair! it started when i was young myself, i wanted a mohawk, but my dad didn’t approve of that look on a “girl”, and insisted i’d regret such a bold cut. at 16 i was finally given full autonomy over my own head. but then i have a son and everyone around us is trying to keep his hair short. when we finally moved out just me my partner and him, i told him he doesn’t need to get any haircuts he doesn’t want. so he starts growing it out, it’s still short but coming on mid-length. his teacher makes a point to tell me it’s getting long as if i don’t have eyes. i hear her walking out with him one day talking to him about haircuts, as if to coax him into one. eventually i get child services called on me for ‘forcing a transgender lifestyle’ over what i can only assume is from a combination of me drawing cute ponies on his valentine box and letting him go to school in a ponytail. he kept it short for awhile after but told me he wanted to grow it out again, so i let him of course. he comes home one day after getting a haircut at his grandpa’s and tells me he didn’t Want the haircut. i ask why he got it then and learned he was bribed with a promise of a surprise IF he cut his hair. tl;dr people need to back the hell up off of children and let them have owership of what’s on THEIR body! /rant Same thing about getting a child to curl or straighten their hair. Or do anything with it. Just let kids have control over their bodies. This happened to me when I was little too!! Growing up I had naturally tight Shirley Temple curls. The only problem was that you can’t get a hair brush through it if your life depended on it until it grew out over a few years. but This One Lady from church decided that leaving my hair messy and curly was child abuse and threatened to call social services on my family every damn time she saw me until one day she was the designated kid watcher and ho boy my momma tells me i came out with tears in my eyes and greasy slicked down hair and that’s where she ends the story because i think my mother beat her ass but yeah. Leave kids hair alone. I’m going to be honest, parents who are super-controlling of their children’s hair creep me the fuck out and I’m not entirely certain why except that I get a vague feeling they kind of relegate them to, “annoying talking doll” status. I loved my daughter’s long blond hair. It was thick and wavy and beautiful but when she told me she wanted it cut short ‘like a boy’(she was four)  I took her to the salon and let her whack it off.  The stylist was skeptical, ‘are you sure?” and the thing is, she said this to me, not my daughter. So I asked my girl ‘are you sure you want it cut short?’ She was. The hair went. The stylist acted nervous most of the way through like she was waiting for one of us to burst into tears, but it looked cute! And my daughter loved it! (And it’s been short ever since.) Autonomy over your hair is bodily autonomy and we as a culture need to start holding bodily autonomy as sacred My family, for years, wouldn’t let me dye/cut my hair really short. I could understand the dye, but the shortest they’d let me go is a bob. They even let me dye my hair before letting me go that short. I’m finally in control of my hair and my hair is one of my favorite things about myself. It’s an easy way to express myself. Let kids do what they want with their hair! Let them have fun with their hair before they’re told to grow up and have ‘professional’ hair! My mom had a monopoly over my hair. Wouldn’t let me wear it natural, was obsessed with me having flyaways in the front and wouldn’t let me get out of the car in the mornings until they were flat, permed it when I was 10, wouldn’t let me cut it off for years after even though it was really damaged, vocally disapproved when I finally cut it as short as she’d let me. When I moved out I stopped putting any heat in it and a few years later I cut it all off again. The second cut was my decision alone and it felt like a weight lifted off me, like no one could ever tell me what to do with it again or tell me “I needed it” to be pretty. My stepfather and his stepfather forced a hair cut on me 10 years ago because they said i was too girly for their tastes.I grew my hair out ever since because ill never go fucking bald again like those two fucking neo nazis
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spill-the-gender-tea:I decided to draw a picture according to tumblr’s art style.: Anonymous said to spill-the-gender-tea: things I've picked up on that are pretty tumblr are BIG eyes with a ton of eyelashes, sparkles in eyes, and everyone has painted black/purple nails I don't know why Anonymous said to spill-the-gender-tea: Tumblr Art Style TM -Heavily blushed noses. Like, red noses. -Colourful band-aids all over the body -Body hair drawn in little stick lines -some sort of pride flag being worn -if it's a white character, the character might be "racebent" and made into a POC -winking -Trans men are drawn with huge breasts and pronounced curves, trans women are drawn very muscular with typically masculine features a shirt that says some sort of political statement Anonymous said to spill-the-gender-tea Steven universe style, bright neon colors Agaisnt dull greyish colors or too pastel to see anything, bright red giant nose, circle eyes half closed with greasy purple eye lids, ambiguous shade of brown, ""non binary", overly detailed hands, no concept of anatomy, try to make it ugly as to fight what "evil straight cis het white men" find attractive, ""pride flags absolutely everywhere. uwu-doughboy said to spill-the-gender-tea: So a tumblr art style is basically kind of simple with too much detail on a specific part or two (ie. body hair real thick, mouths that look like prolapsed anuses, the like) spill-the-gender-tea: Anonymous said to Heres a few things for the "tumblr art" thing, Tons of body hair Almost always have a "soft boy uwu" vibe to them. Crazy colored, short hair. Normally very cartoony, with over-exagerated 'ugly features Anonymous said to spill-the-gender-tea: one thing ive noticed about the tumblr art styles is that they usually have big noses followed by a tilted smile Anonymous said to spill-the-gender-tea: Tumblr art style: Red-ass noses, very round heads, no defined calves, no joints, giant fucking hair Anonymous said to spill-the-gender-tea: Tumblr art styles almost always consist of overweight, dark skinned (even if the character in question is white) people. A lot of the times they have vitiligo (which is extremely rare) and don't forget to make it look like a racial stereotype because Tumblr finds that progressive! xe ΧίR. @Spill-The-Gender-Tea spill-the-gender-tea:I decided to draw a picture according to tumblr’s art style.
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jeffreysdrunk: luvoxxx: Okeeey so I don’t usually post stuff but a friend of mine asked me to make a true crime tag yourself and I thought tumblr might appreciate it. I have no idea why there’s like 400 typos in it I swear English is my first language wtf. Anyway it’s just a meme it’s not meant to be disrespectful or gross or anything please enjoy my completely unfunny sense of humour. (Also I blatantly stole the d a m a g e d thing from another tag yourself I apologise) I’m grandparents live in Korea and Dahmer lol Way too many Ns *turns to camera in shock* Adam: wait, you're jewish? i wanna die so bad right now -waaaaay too tall -blood is 3% soda -literally murders innocents and is still widely considered a "smol bean" -good relationship with their mom -hobbies range from making origami to plotting to blow up the moon -really their height is just unreasonable and very intimidating i heard you've been saying some shit grandparents live in korea -little ball of anger -uses napalm as moisturiser -no one is sure if they're actually racist or not thinks they can speak german -lists "kicking inanimate objects" as a hobby got sold fake cocaine once about me on your blog -damaged -iterally no one can bring themselves to like -communicates only in grunts -writes terrible fiction -goes out of their way to upset others -trying desperately to hide the gay (failing) -says shit like "adios" (doesn't speak spanish -leaves agressive voicemails -used to be emo -gets drunk and stabs inanimate objects -has an alien girlfriends and also 700 alter egos -is 103% sure that the world is out to get them way too many Ns little miss finland turns to camera in shock ADAM supreme gentleman -absolutely deplorable shoves an american flag up their ass most mornings takes selfies everywhere -everywhere i said loves their pets -finds depressive thinking arousing horrible handwriting tries. fails. -wants to be Wait, You're Jewish? but can't does rude shit but no one can stay -uses air quotes to patronise others -"feminism is stupid" -can't get laid -has probably had lip injections. and ego injections. "why do girls always go for douchebags" -wears sunglasses indoors. at night. in december. after the last star in the galaxy has burned out. mad at them -all gods are fictional except for themselfays gets asked for I.D. -makes fun of soccer moms but doesn't act hasn't taken a flattering photo in 7 -says weird shit 97% of the time -wears t-shirts with edgy slogans -has v few friends but the friendships they clasifies self as a "cool kid" will not get a haircut hasn't slept ever do have a frighteningly intense 56 brennan's burger bundies gets what they want because they are-worships satan -known as the zodiac killer -takes off their glasses and becomes ets morbid sense of humour that occasionally gets them in trouble wants to have you (over) for dinner behaves drunk while sober and also while drunk. -vastly overestimates their ability to get away with things -does absolutely nothing in a group project and no one gets mad -dog person -has brushed their teeth less than 7 times since birth probably borrowed their cheekbones off a meth addict -greasy grease on top of their grease jeffreysdrunk: luvoxxx: Okeeey so I don’t usually post stuff but a friend of mine asked me to make a true crime tag yourself and I thought tumblr might appreciate it. I have no idea why there’s like 400 typos in it I swear English is my first language wtf. Anyway it’s just a meme it’s not meant to be disrespectful or gross or anything please enjoy my completely unfunny sense of humour. (Also I blatantly stole the d a m a g e d thing from another tag yourself I apologise) I’m grandparents live in Korea and Dahmer lol Way too many Ns *turns to camera in shock* Adam
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I ATE GREASY FOOD AT A GAME LAST NIGHT AND IT KEPT ME UP ALL NIGHT I THINK I’M OFFICIALLY A OLD A$$ MAN WITH THAT SAID IMMA BUY A WALKING STICK AND PERHAPS AN OLDSMOBILE PLEASE CALL ME “Marv” FROM NOW ON ALSO SOME HIGH WAISTED KHAKIS WITH A VERY, UNREASONABLY SHARP CREASE AND SOME WHITE NIKE MONARCHS AND MAYBE A BASEBALL CAP THAT SAY A RANDOM VACATION DESTINATION LIKE MAYBE “Peru” WITH A WAVE NEXT TO IT PLS SPEAK SLOWLY AND LOUDLY TO Marv I AM HARD OF HEARING BLESS UP 😢😂😂 [Editor’s Note: it was a full order of tendies and fries and then a humongous burger and fries so i kind of overdid but that’s neither here nor there, college smash would have took that to the chest easy and then woke up and hit the gym with the bro’s EASY - I’m just now recovering and having my pre-gym coffee - I’m mad at myself lmao clean living been making me weak time to go back to eating crap all the time rather than vegetables and lean proteins - I need to build my stomach back up bless up 😍😂😂]: This epic guardy boye I saw in Ireland @DrSmashlove Danger Guard dogs I ATE GREASY FOOD AT A GAME LAST NIGHT AND IT KEPT ME UP ALL NIGHT I THINK I’M OFFICIALLY A OLD A$$ MAN WITH THAT SAID IMMA BUY A WALKING STICK AND PERHAPS AN OLDSMOBILE PLEASE CALL ME “Marv” FROM NOW ON ALSO SOME HIGH WAISTED KHAKIS WITH A VERY, UNREASONABLY SHARP CREASE AND SOME WHITE NIKE MONARCHS AND MAYBE A BASEBALL CAP THAT SAY A RANDOM VACATION DESTINATION LIKE MAYBE “Peru” WITH A WAVE NEXT TO IT PLS SPEAK SLOWLY AND LOUDLY TO Marv I AM HARD OF HEARING BLESS UP 😢😂😂 [Editor’s Note: it was a full order of tendies and fries and then a humongous burger and fries so i kind of overdid but that’s neither here nor there, college smash would have took that to the chest easy and then woke up and hit the gym with the bro’s EASY - I’m just now recovering and having my pre-gym coffee - I’m mad at myself lmao clean living been making me weak time to go back to eating crap all the time rather than vegetables and lean proteins - I need to build my stomach back up bless up 😍😂😂]
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correspondingnerd: brunhiddensmusings: cameoamalthea: brunhiddensmusings: threeraccoonsinatrenchcoat: badgerofshambles: a singular scuit. just one.  an edible cracker with just one side. mathematically impossible and yet here I am monching on it. ‘scuit’ comes from the french word for ‘bake’, ‘cuire’ as bastardized by adoption by the brittish and a few hundred years‘biscuit’ meant ‘twice-baked’, originally meaning items like hardtack which were double baked to dry them as a preservative measure long before things like sugar and butter were introduced. if you see a historical doccument use the word ‘biscuit’ do not be fooled to think ‘being a pirate mustve been pretty cool, they ate nothing but cookies’ - they were made of misery to last long enough to be used in museum displays or as paving stones ‘triscuit’ is toasted after the normal biscuit process, thrice bakedthus the monoscuit is a cookie thats soft and chewy because it was only baked once, not twice behold the monoscuit/scuit Why is this called a biscuit: when brittish colonists settled in the americas they no longer had to preserve biscuits for storage or sea voyages so instead baked them once and left them soft, often with buttermilk or whey to convert cheap staples/byproducts into filling items to bulk out the meal to make a small amount of greasy meat feed a whole family. considering hardtack biscuits were typically eaten by dipping them in grease or gravy untill they became soft enough to eat without breaking a tooth this was a pretty short leap of ‘just dont make them rock hard if im not baking for the army’ but didnt drop the name because its been used for centuries and people forgot its french for ‘twice baked’ back in the tudor era, biscuit was just a lump of cooked dough that wasnt leavened bread as far as they caredthus the buttermilk biscuit and the hardtack biscuit existed at the same time. ‘cookies’ then came to america via german and dutch immigrants as tiny cakes made with butter, sugar/molasses, and eggs before ‘tea biscuits’ as england knew them due to the new availability of cheap sugar- which is why ‘biscuit’ and ‘cookie’ are separate items in america but the same item in the UKthe evolution of the biscuit has forks on its family tree I love it when a shitpost turns into an actually interesting post. : Andy Richter and 2 others liked A TINy Beefsteak @TenderBeefste.. , 9h If my calculations are correct, biscuits and Triscuits hint towards a mysterious third food called "monoscuits." correspondingnerd: brunhiddensmusings: cameoamalthea: brunhiddensmusings: threeraccoonsinatrenchcoat: badgerofshambles: a singular scuit. just one.  an edible cracker with just one side. mathematically impossible and yet here I am monching on it. ‘scuit’ comes from the french word for ‘bake’, ‘cuire’ as bastardized by adoption by the brittish and a few hundred years‘biscuit’ meant ‘twice-baked’, originally meaning items like hardtack which were double baked to dry them as a preservative measure long before things like sugar and butter were introduced. if you see a historical doccument use the word ‘biscuit’ do not be fooled to think ‘being a pirate mustve been pretty cool, they ate nothing but cookies’ - they were made of misery to last long enough to be used in museum displays or as paving stones ‘triscuit’ is toasted after the normal biscuit process, thrice bakedthus the monoscuit is a cookie thats soft and chewy because it was only baked once, not twice behold the monoscuit/scuit Why is this called a biscuit: when brittish colonists settled in the americas they no longer had to preserve biscuits for storage or sea voyages so instead baked them once and left them soft, often with buttermilk or whey to convert cheap staples/byproducts into filling items to bulk out the meal to make a small amount of greasy meat feed a whole family. considering hardtack biscuits were typically eaten by dipping them in grease or gravy untill they became soft enough to eat without breaking a tooth this was a pretty short leap of ‘just dont make them rock hard if im not baking for the army’ but didnt drop the name because its been used for centuries and people forgot its french for ‘twice baked’ back in the tudor era, biscuit was just a lump of cooked dough that wasnt leavened bread as far as they caredthus the buttermilk biscuit and the hardtack biscuit existed at the same time. ‘cookies’ then came to america via german and dutch immigrants as tiny cakes made with butter, sugar/molasses, and eggs before ‘tea biscuits’ as england knew them due to the new availability of cheap sugar- which is why ‘biscuit’ and ‘cookie’ are separate items in america but the same item in the UKthe evolution of the biscuit has forks on its family tree I love it when a shitpost turns into an actually interesting post.
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correspondingnerd: brunhiddensmusings: cameoamalthea: brunhiddensmusings: threeraccoonsinatrenchcoat: badgerofshambles: a singular scuit. just one.  an edible cracker with just one side. mathematically impossible and yet here I am monching on it. ‘scuit’ comes from the french word for ‘bake’, ‘cuire’ as bastardized by adoption by the brittish and a few hundred years‘biscuit’ meant ‘twice-baked’, originally meaning items like hardtack which were double baked to dry them as a preservative measure long before things like sugar and butter were introduced. if you see a historical doccument use the word ‘biscuit’ do not be fooled to think ‘being a pirate mustve been pretty cool, they ate nothing but cookies’ - they were made of misery to last long enough to be used in museum displays or as paving stones ‘triscuit’ is toasted after the normal biscuit process, thrice bakedthus the monoscuit is a cookie thats soft and chewy because it was only baked once, not twice behold the monoscuit/scuit Why is this called a biscuit: when brittish colonists settled in the americas they no longer had to preserve biscuits for storage or sea voyages so instead baked them once and left them soft, often with buttermilk or whey to convert cheap staples/byproducts into filling items to bulk out the meal to make a small amount of greasy meat feed a whole family. considering hardtack biscuits were typically eaten by dipping them in grease or gravy untill they became soft enough to eat without breaking a tooth this was a pretty short leap of ‘just dont make them rock hard if im not baking for the army’ but didnt drop the name because its been used for centuries and people forgot its french for ‘twice baked’ back in the tudor era, biscuit was just a lump of cooked dough that wasnt leavened bread as far as they caredthus the buttermilk biscuit and the hardtack biscuit existed at the same time. ‘cookies’ then came to america via german and dutch immigrants as tiny cakes made with butter, sugar/molasses, and eggs before ‘tea biscuits’ as england knew them due to the new availability of cheap sugar- which is why ‘biscuit’ and ‘cookie’ are separate items in america but the same item in the UKthe evolution of the biscuit has forks on its family tree I love it when a shitpost turns into an actually interesting post. : Andy Richter and 2 others liked A TINy Beefsteak @TenderBeefste.. , 9h If my calculations are correct, biscuits and Triscuits hint towards a mysterious third food called "monoscuits." correspondingnerd: brunhiddensmusings: cameoamalthea: brunhiddensmusings: threeraccoonsinatrenchcoat: badgerofshambles: a singular scuit. just one.  an edible cracker with just one side. mathematically impossible and yet here I am monching on it. ‘scuit’ comes from the french word for ‘bake’, ‘cuire’ as bastardized by adoption by the brittish and a few hundred years‘biscuit’ meant ‘twice-baked’, originally meaning items like hardtack which were double baked to dry them as a preservative measure long before things like sugar and butter were introduced. if you see a historical doccument use the word ‘biscuit’ do not be fooled to think ‘being a pirate mustve been pretty cool, they ate nothing but cookies’ - they were made of misery to last long enough to be used in museum displays or as paving stones ‘triscuit’ is toasted after the normal biscuit process, thrice bakedthus the monoscuit is a cookie thats soft and chewy because it was only baked once, not twice behold the monoscuit/scuit Why is this called a biscuit: when brittish colonists settled in the americas they no longer had to preserve biscuits for storage or sea voyages so instead baked them once and left them soft, often with buttermilk or whey to convert cheap staples/byproducts into filling items to bulk out the meal to make a small amount of greasy meat feed a whole family. considering hardtack biscuits were typically eaten by dipping them in grease or gravy untill they became soft enough to eat without breaking a tooth this was a pretty short leap of ‘just dont make them rock hard if im not baking for the army’ but didnt drop the name because its been used for centuries and people forgot its french for ‘twice baked’ back in the tudor era, biscuit was just a lump of cooked dough that wasnt leavened bread as far as they caredthus the buttermilk biscuit and the hardtack biscuit existed at the same time. ‘cookies’ then came to america via german and dutch immigrants as tiny cakes made with butter, sugar/molasses, and eggs before ‘tea biscuits’ as england knew them due to the new availability of cheap sugar- which is why ‘biscuit’ and ‘cookie’ are separate items in america but the same item in the UKthe evolution of the biscuit has forks on its family tree I love it when a shitpost turns into an actually interesting post.
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[Src]: You avoided it at all costs. You showered three times a day. You washed your hands and face after every meal You stayed inside, away from the beating sun and omnipresent moisture You wormed away from every occasion that involved a greasy meal. You couldn't stand it. One day, you woke up in a bed that was oozing You were relieved when you realized you didn't soil yourself. You were horrified when you realized you were soaking in a bed of your own sweat. You scrambled for the shower. You ignored the split splat noises your feet made as you rushedc You turned the faucet, and let the refreshing water wash over you. It wasn't enough. The grease was still in every pore and every fold of your body. You grab the soap and start scrubbing. And scrubbing. And scrubbing. It's surprisingly easy Skin gives way to fat, which gives way to bone. All the lard and cholesterol melts, slips between your fingers, and disappears down the drain in a soapy slurry But it isn't enough. You don't stop, even as the shower floor gains a fresh coat of gunk. It's on you. It's on you and it's staining you and it' s in you and it is you and it won't come off. You start scraping, scraping, trying to get it off. You reach deep inside. First, it's like trying to peel bark off of a tree. Then, it feels like grating a block of wax. Finally, it starts melting under the torrent of shower water. Curdles of osseous matter drift down into the floor and into the flood. Every last bit of you disappears into the drain Finally, you're clean [Src]

[Src]

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Monobiscuit: Andy Richter and 2 others liked A TINy Beefsteak @TenderBeefste... . 9h If my calculations are correct, biscuits and Triscuits hint towards a mysterious third food called "monoscuits. badgerofshambles a singular scuit. just one. threeraccoonsinatrenchcoat an edible cracker with just one side. mathematically impossible and yet here I am monching on it. brunhiddensmusings scuit comes from the french word for bake', 'cuire' as bastardized by adoption by the brittish and a few hundred years biscuit meant twice-baked', originally meaning items like hardtack which were double baked to dry them as a preservative measure long before things like sugar and butter were introduced. if you see a historical doccument use the word 'biscuit' do not be fooled to think 'being a pirate mustve been pretty cool, they ate nothing but cookies' - they were made of misery to last long enough to be used in museum displays or as paving stones 1862 Hardtack fromof bread was that to The The triscuit' is toasted after the normal biscu it process, thrice baked thus the monoscuit is a cookie thats soft and chewy because it was only baked once, not twice behold the monoscuitscuit cameoamalthea Why is this called a biscuit: brunhiddensmusings when brittish colonists settled in the americas they no longer had to preserve biscuits for storage or sea voyages so instead baked them once and left them soft, often with buttermilk or whey to convert cheap staples/byproducts into filling items to bulk out the meal to make a small amount of greasy meat feed a whole family. considering hardtack biscuits were typically eaten by dipping them in grease or gravy untill they became soft enough to eat without breakinga tooth this was a pretty short leap of just dont make them rock hard if im not baking for the army' but didnt drop the name because its been used for centuries and people forgot its french for twice baked' back in the tudor era, biscuit was just a lump of cooked dough that wasnt leavened bread as far as they cared thus the the same time. 'cookies' then came to america via german and dutch immigrants as tiny cakes made with butter sugar/molasses, and eggs before 'tea biscuits' as england knew them due to the new availability of cheap sugar- which is why 'biscuit and 'cookie' are separate items in america but the same item in the UK buttermilk biscuit and the hardtack biscuit existed at the evolution of the biscuit has forks on its family tree Source: authumor 36,507 notes Monobiscuit

Monobiscuit

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<p><a href="http://mrs-jamie-wellerstein.tumblr.com/post/138518643212/writebastard-aragorn1379-ginjaninja3716" class="tumblr_blog">mrs-jamie-wellerstein</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://writebastard.tumblr.com/post/127122394113">writebastard</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://aragorn1379.tumblr.com/post/92875965119">aragorn1379</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://ginjaninja3716.tumblr.com/post/75118855340">ginjaninja3716</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://commandereyebrows.tumblr.com/post/62641962273">commandereyebrows</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://chachipistachis.tumblr.com/post/54218909712">chachipistachis</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://theamericankid.tumblr.com/post/50529088111">theamericankid</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>Tumblr needs more of this….whatever this is. </p> </blockquote> <p>Is this the same artist who made the original for this</p> <p><figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="700" data-orig-width="400" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/1837009b5f0203b2fff97d90580f310e/tumblr_inline_mp6ki8tQHB1qz4rgp.gif"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/ff73092818e65657206f4d9fd35f52d6/tumblr_inline_p7jwl8vGjP1qfcjfm_540.gif" class="toggle_inline_image inline_image constrained_image" data-orig-height="700" data-orig-width="400" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/1837009b5f0203b2fff97d90580f310e/tumblr_inline_mp6ki8tQHB1qz4rgp.gif"/></figure></p> </blockquote> <p>how women actually are</p> </blockquote> <p>OH MY GOD IF I DON’T EVER REBLOG THIS IT’S PROBABLY BECAUSE I’M DEAD</p> </blockquote> <p>mother fuckin macys sale</p> </blockquote> <p>Her name is Doris. <a href="http://b1nd1.deviantart.com/art/Doris-156093096">Here’s the artist</a>. And here’s more <br/>Doris:<br/></p> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="810" data-orig-width="381" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/e6b207e4d5e9dea49ba7097fca1ae419/tumblr_inline_ntcxu56hpD1qjqk20_540.jpg"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/b69f7f952ee0b9a2ac0a9f31063ac211/tumblr_inline_p7jwl9BOLX1qfcjfm_540.jpg" data-orig-height="810" data-orig-width="381" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/e6b207e4d5e9dea49ba7097fca1ae419/tumblr_inline_ntcxu56hpD1qjqk20_540.jpg"/></figure></blockquote> <p>I have a physical need to reblog this every time.</p> </blockquote>: SHNOMF NOMF HORMF HOM I've gots to get my rib on! Uh oh! Looks like Doris could use the cleaning power of SHINE BRIGHT clothing soap! WHO IN THE SHIT- Shunc SHINE BRIGHT cuts right through that greasy barbeque sauce with our special patented cleansing chemicals called "Cleansicals"! called "Cleansicals",- Ah, good as new! WOAH! WOAH WHAT?? You may have a sparkling clean blouse, Doris, but you'l always be stuck with that filthy personality! Just the way mama likes it!! Squa Now giddafuckout ma house <p><a href="http://mrs-jamie-wellerstein.tumblr.com/post/138518643212/writebastard-aragorn1379-ginjaninja3716" class="tumblr_blog">mrs-jamie-wellerstein</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://writebastard.tumblr.com/post/127122394113">writebastard</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://aragorn1379.tumblr.com/post/92875965119">aragorn1379</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://ginjaninja3716.tumblr.com/post/75118855340">ginjaninja3716</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://commandereyebrows.tumblr.com/post/62641962273">commandereyebrows</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://chachipistachis.tumblr.com/post/54218909712">chachipistachis</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://theamericankid.tumblr.com/post/50529088111">theamericankid</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>Tumblr needs more of this….whatever this is. </p> </blockquote> <p>Is this the same artist who made the original for this</p> <p><figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="700" data-orig-width="400" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/1837009b5f0203b2fff97d90580f310e/tumblr_inline_mp6ki8tQHB1qz4rgp.gif"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/ff73092818e65657206f4d9fd35f52d6/tumblr_inline_p7jwl8vGjP1qfcjfm_540.gif" class="toggle_inline_image inline_image constrained_image" data-orig-height="700" data-orig-width="400" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/1837009b5f0203b2fff97d90580f310e/tumblr_inline_mp6ki8tQHB1qz4rgp.gif"/></figure></p> </blockquote> <p>how women actually are</p> </blockquote> <p>OH MY GOD IF I DON’T EVER REBLOG THIS IT’S PROBABLY BECAUSE I’M DEAD</p> </blockquote> <p>mother fuckin macys sale</p> </blockquote> <p>Her name is Doris. <a href="http://b1nd1.deviantart.com/art/Doris-156093096">Here’s the artist</a>. And here’s more <br/>Doris:<br/></p> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="810" data-orig-width="381" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/e6b207e4d5e9dea49ba7097fca1ae419/tumblr_inline_ntcxu56hpD1qjqk20_540.jpg"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/b69f7f952ee0b9a2ac0a9f31063ac211/tumblr_inline_p7jwl9BOLX1qfcjfm_540.jpg" data-orig-height="810" data-orig-width="381" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/e6b207e4d5e9dea49ba7097fca1ae419/tumblr_inline_ntcxu56hpD1qjqk20_540.jpg"/></figure></blockquote> <p>I have a physical need to reblog this every time.</p> </blockquote>
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Hammy &amp; Boy: A Shitty Quest for Fishbowl Milkshake: jpg (46 KB, 1024x683) No.46363786 Anonymous 18 min. ago >be me >working register at mcd's like a fucking wagie mom and son come up >absolute units, their hands were fucking round perfectly fucking round, like a baseball little blob holding a small fish bowl, maybe they came back from Walmart after getting a fish poor fish, probably doesn't even get his ration of the fish food one of those families that has each family member go up to order for themselves hate these kinds of families mama blob starts ordering out of breath from standing in line >slams her elbows down onto the counter to rest while ordering could have fucking swore i heard the counter rumble yaah *pant* could i have a *pant* ahhhhh *pant* big Mac *pant* make that two actually... *pant* no three.... and a *pant* basket of fries and *pant* a large diet coke sweat beads fall down from her chins onto the table breathes in sharply struggles to take elbows off of table finally accomplishes the task finally accomplishes the task two huge wet marks take up the register section those are her fucking elbows her elbows actually fucking sweated little blob comes up to order "can i have 2 big Macs pant* a basket of fries.. *pant* make that two actually *pant* and a large diet Coke *pant* brings fish bowl out onto counter "and... *pant* fill this up *pant* with chocolate *pant* milkshake >a fucking fishbowl sorry, our largest size is a large. we cannot fill things that aren't McDonalds cups mama blob starts throwing a tantrum "HE WANTS HIS FUCKING MILKSHAKE SO GIVE IT TO HIM" maam, we cann >"LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR GOD DAMN MANAGER go get manager >he just repeats what I said tells her she can buy about 10 large milkshakes to fill it if she wants "DAS TOO EXPENSIVE!!!" "TOO MUCH CALORIES!!!" >me and manager stare at each other did she really just say that mama blob sees us looking at each other cont. whole restaurant has been quiet this whole time just looking at us >mama blob hears something turns her body to look backward >a gentle greasy breeze hits me >sees a couple people snickering turns back around "YOURE EMBARRASSING ME!!" >me and manager stay silent tears start to well up in her eyes could have just been sweat though face turns redder grabs her son's hand "WE'RE NEVER EATING HERE AGAIN!" >something deep down told me that wasn't true >pulls her son's hand waddles out hear her panting as she opens the door notice something >me and manager both notice it look at each other there was something brown in the middle of Hammy's ass could it be could it fucking be look at her legs brown liquid streaking the inside of her right leg >she sharted >she actually fucking sharted and left a brown trail had to febreeze the fuck out of that place for 5 minutes janitor almost puked cleaning it up Hammy &amp; Boy: A Shitty Quest for Fishbowl Milkshake
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