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Anon is protected by God: Anonymous 05/10/16 (Tue)13:17:31 No.683617599 EPIC GREENTEXT STORY TIME Be me in a very conservative family Everybody extremely religious Me and my brother couldn't give 2 fucks about going to church Dad hit us and threatens rape if we dont go We get dressed up and decide to go to church Most boring moment of my life, have to sitthrough it for like 2 hours Out of nowhere, hear the most disgusting, juicy, cashed-up fart ever l look around to my brother who is 10 years old, with a constipated face, just farting like his life depended on it >The fart is so strong, it caused a second earthquake in Haiti Walls of the room are shaking, the wrath of God can be fealt Fart goes on for a good 10 seconds which felt like an eternity Everybody turning around slowly and looking at our family in disgust >Dad can't hit bro because we're in church This enormous fart echoes on the walls to the ears of all pedestrians in a 100 km radius lt eventually dies down but the smell is still there l can see people gagging and wanting to throw up but they can't do that in the house of God FINISH THEM. mp3 Look at my brother with a devious smile and we both scream HOLY SHIT at the top of our lungs and lay out another round of enormous farts We're called the farty-brothers for the rest of ours lives MFW Nobody can hit us, nor vomit because God will get mad >MFW They stayed in that shit-hole for 2 hours MFWI got the beating of a lifetime back home MFW win Anonymous 05/10/16(Tue)13:19:45 No.683617832 kek Anonymous 05/10/16(Tue)13:20:01 No.683617860 Top kek Anonymous 05/10/16(Tue)13:20:36 No.683617922 Holy shit kek Anon is protected by God
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Anon sells coke: Anonymous (ID 05/25 16wed)21:41:22 No.7 Green text story time: te guy, 16, living in STL buy pot from group of niggers in their mid 20s all of them are ex-cons on parole they ask if I wanna start running and selling coke with them insane money for a 16 year old, win for me white guy with a clean car win for them every week l drive into the hood to pickup, then drive about 1 hour back to the white suburbs help them cut and sell it, mad fucking money one day my truck craps out we had just called a dealer who was expecting us soon there are no cancellations or returns in this business >if we don't show they'll think we're snitching or some shit have to drive one of the niggers super-shady trap cars, expired plates, illegal tint, "notice me!" paint job head nig wants to drive, he knows his car best >guy is 64 270 linebacker Deebo type, also has a black belt drive to city, not a cop in sight, pickup drugs >in typical dumbshit nigger fashion, driver starts speeding and running every light and sign on the way back thinking to myself this is how every episode of COPS starts... nearly back to the burbs when sure enough woop woop sirens behind us butchy blonde gets out >SOP for STL cops is to wait for backup, but we're pretty far into white ville >shes walking up to the car and we're like "aww sheeeeeeiiit thinking about all the time well be serving right before shes next to driver side, Deebo opens the door in one perfect, smooth motion he steps one foot out, turns. and uppercuts the holy shit out of her im on drivers side in back, almost looks she was lifted off the ground >we peel out, call a friend who lives in culde-sac nearby open your fuckin garage, and be ready to close it the second we're inside start hearing sirens everywhere while doing 70 through this subdivision >get to house, sit in living room watching streets through blinds spend all night cutting and sniffing coke while watching cops patrol Anon sells coke
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Animals, Beautiful, and Birthday: : Anonymous Shrimp saved my life 09/12/18(Wed)18:48:30 No.2813016 >be depressed, suicidal xanax- addicted incel >one day I go to my /aq/fag uncle's house for some shit >he has pet shrimp, never seen anything like it before he offers to get me some 53 KB JPG throw them in a barely cycled tank with some shitty rock >several shrimp die realize that I killed them with my apathy >realize I need to take responsibility for once in my life >do research, learn about water parameters and so on eventually I have a beautiful planted tank with no more deaths >notice a female shrimp carrying eggs >haven't felt this excited about anything in almost a decade the eggs disappear and I once again think I fucked up a few days later I see a tiny transparent baby shrimp l suddenly know how the shepherds felt as they gazed upon the newborn Christ >by this point I live and breathe shrimp >all my spare time is spent on shrimp research and watching shrimp videos >l spend most of the money I had saved from my last job on shrimp products >quit the Xanax to support shrimp spending start putting effort into college in hope of getting a good job for my shrimp >grades improve, no longer facing the prospect of dropping out relationship with parents improves since I am finally passionate about something and applying myself >l see genuine happiness in their eyes when I talk excitedly about my shrimp for my birthday my mom makes me a shrimp cake it even has fondant legs and little chocolate eggs cry like a little bitch when I see it >mom hugs me and tells me she's always been proud of me >college dorm neighbours demand to see my shrimp >shit they're gonna think I'm autistic sthey actually think my shrimp are really cool they start inviting me to their social events start interacting with girls, get told by girls for the first time in my life that I'm fun and smart >l think my shrimp would be proud of me if they knew We're gonna make it bros. Even if you can't do it for yourself, do it for the animals that depend on you blackโ€“sadbath: positive-memes: Green text is nice sometimes. Sometimesโ€ฆ Damn this is heartwarming
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Animals, Beautiful, and Birthday: : Anonymous Shrimp saved my life 09/12/18(Wed)18:48:30 No.2813016 >be depressed, suicidal xanax- addicted incel >one day I go to my /aq/fag uncle's house for some shit >he has pet shrimp, never seen anything like it before he offers to get me some 53 KB JPG throw them in a barely cycled tank with some shitty rock >several shrimp die realize that I killed them with my apathy >realize I need to take responsibility for once in my life >do research, learn about water parameters and so on eventually I have a beautiful planted tank with no more deaths >notice a female shrimp carrying eggs >haven't felt this excited about anything in almost a decade the eggs disappear and I once again think I fucked up a few days later I see a tiny transparent baby shrimp l suddenly know how the shepherds felt as they gazed upon the newborn Christ >by this point I live and breathe shrimp >all my spare time is spent on shrimp research and watching shrimp videos >l spend most of the money I had saved from my last job on shrimp products >quit the Xanax to support shrimp spending start putting effort into college in hope of getting a good job for my shrimp >grades improve, no longer facing the prospect of dropping out relationship with parents improves since I am finally passionate about something and applying myself >l see genuine happiness in their eyes when I talk excitedly about my shrimp for my birthday my mom makes me a shrimp cake it even has fondant legs and little chocolate eggs cry like a little bitch when I see it >mom hugs me and tells me she's always been proud of me >college dorm neighbours demand to see my shrimp >shit they're gonna think I'm autistic sthey actually think my shrimp are really cool they start inviting me to their social events start interacting with girls, get told by girls for the first time in my life that I'm fun and smart >l think my shrimp would be proud of me if they knew We're gonna make it bros. Even if you can't do it for yourself, do it for the animals that depend on you Green text is nice sometimes. Sometimes
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Beautiful, Christmas, and College: - File: 3fb85ce1580af24d83f6bde17301e0fe85e().png (204 KB, 1063x1063) Parents of /r9k/ Anonymous 10/18/18(Thu)11:30:47 No.48770954 [Reply] >48771097 >>48 48772649 29 >be 19 yr old kv suicidal depressed neet >live with parents >unmarried sister gets preggers because of her bf and doesn't want the kid, but doesn't want to abort either >kid is born, beautiful boy >she abandons him at parents home to pursue her dead entng career parents, and i basically take care of him love him like my own son, he calls me papa son grows up fine, i get warehouse job to have more money to make him happier start jogging in the morning to have enough stamina to play with him >son is great at academics, gets As start getting along better with my own parents since we're taking care of my son together work harder and get promoted, more money to buy son toys >experience first hand what raising a child is like, love him now am 36 yrs old kv with a managerial job at a shipping company >son has gone to univ this year parents and i are very lonely with nothing to do all day wait for son's call in the back of our heads all the time sister is still struggling with hectigcar (son calls her auntie Imao son is coming home for christmas can't decide what to do to celebrate his first year at college almost know for certain that if son hadn't been born, i would've probably jumped off a building to end my pathetic life Any other parents here? This green text story warmed my heart (somehow)

This green text story warmed my heart (somehow)

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Apparently, Bad, and Crying: Anonymous (D: +pPpY26W) 05/27/13(Mon)19:40:53 No.483071292 Replies: 2483072082 File: 1369698053584jpa-(35 KB, 467x528, tumblr_ld1dgtWxUd1qbch4xo1 500.jpg) >Be 18, typical cynical, fresh-out-of-high-school kid >"Ive given up on the entire human race" bullshit >Working summer job at an amusement park operating rides >A particularly unpleasant smelling, socially awkward, obviously homeless man is a regular guest. >Apparently he had a bad injury years back doing factory work and needed a cane to walk. >Couldn't find much besides odd jobs to keep afloat because of his disability >Saved up all of the money he'd make from October-May to buy a season pass to the park every year. >Free drinks, free water, free showers, plus he could play all the games, see the live shows, go swimming every day >And he was there every day >Asked him why he chose to spend his money there instead of making sure he always had enough food. >"Here, I can escape from my life. IlIl never be able to travel the world, but here Ive met people from all over the world." >3 years later, I'm a manager overseeing every department in the park. >l've spent a lot of time talking to him over the years >l knew he'd be back just like every other year >Paid for his season pass out of pocket, adding a free meals pass to it. >Had it waiting for him when he came to pay for his pass, along with a note. >From October-April, we had been adding new attractions to the park. As a manager, I had a good amount of creative input. sWe all decided on doing an around the world" theme. Different sections and rides all had their own styles based on different parts of the world. >Reopened in May. >3 days into the season, I'm doing my rounds when I am bear hugged from behind. >He is crying his eyes out and can only put out "Thank you so much." >He pulled out the note l left him: You brought hope into my world. I wanted you to be able to see that world. >I will never forget the look he gave me that day >That fucking guy made me feel human for the first time in my life. Anonymous (ID: 6aYCNak) 05/27/13(Mon)19:44:58 No. 483072082 File: 1369698298627 iog-(8 KB, 251x240, 1369686584542 jpg) 334 Anonymous (ID: PuyBjcc) 05/27/13(Mon)19:45:19 No.483072174 nice read <p>Another wholesome Green text via /r/wholesomememes <a href="http://ift.tt/2s7R94O">http://ift.tt/2s7R94O</a></p>
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Dicks, Dumb, and Emoji: Hey it's Jennifer from the other night Hey Oh wow a green text. don't date poor people. Sorry. I'd send you an emoji but you probably wouldn't see it. Take Care Idk why they don't make texting girls with green bubbles prohibited in the United States. Let me paint a picture in your head why I made that statement. Couple days ago my boy texts me and says let's go to a music festival. I'm always down for an adventure so we go. It was some local EDM music festival. We get there and I step on the ground I get a big wave of pussy smell (wasn't fresh either) right into my nose. I wasn't complaining bc that's my boy and he paid for me. Any ways the DJ come on and starts saying some useless shit so I decided to roam around the ground to get better signal to post a meme on this page. As I was doing that, some shorty approached me and asked me if I knew where she can get lit. I truly didn't understand what she meant. Turns out she wanted to buy some weed so I told her $15 for a joint and she buys it off me. Low key I sold her some shitty weed. She started to make small talk. That girl has an IQ of Patrick Starr. She was asking me how'd I get so tan I told her I'm Pakistani we born that way. She didn't know where-what Pakistan was so I gave her a whole geographic lesson. After 20 mins of explaining she said "so you're Mexican." I was so mad I told her yea and my name was Pedro. She found it sooo intriguing. I get her number bc I had to go back to my boy. Couple hours later go by and my dick gave me the bat signal so I text her "this your prince charming that sold you narcotics couple mins ago" I thought I was clever. But I forgot she was dumb and she texted me "lol what does that mean?" i replied with "dis Pedro" she replied with "oh lol come meet me in the parking lot." I tip toe my way to the Parking lot and I see her looking as whorish as possible ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ idk how I did it but I went through of 20 mins of small talk. TBH after that 20 Mins I lost so many brain cells that my dicks bat signal went away. So guys if you wanna feel what Autism is like just say your name is Pedro to a girl in a music festival.
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