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Apparently, Beer, and Dude: Emily Holmes January 2 at 11:26 AM Liberal Friends, listen to this right now: Democratic Nominees are not clay pigeons I repeat. DEMOCRATIC NOMINEES ARE NOT CLAY PIGEONS But, Emily, whatever do you mean? What is this metaphor? It goes like this One by one, over the next couple of months, Democratic nominees are going to launch their official bids for President. They are going to launch themselves, one by one, into the sky, right into our line of vision Our job is not to shoot them. Our job is NOT, the second we see them cross the sky, to reach out for the gun being handed to us by conservatives (because duh, conservatives and guns) and take aim, and blast them, one by one out of the air, for not being absolutely perfect. Not likeable enough. BOOM Not an inspiring enough speaker. BOOM Said that awkward thing that one time. BOOM I wouldn't want to have a beer with them. BOOM Too old. BOOM. Too female. BOOM. Too white. BOOM Not a fucking flawless progressive superhero. BOOM Because what happens next? We shoot the candidates down. We degrade them. We belittle them. We smear them. Then we hand the gun to the media. They do the same. They hand the gun to the conservatives. They do the same. Then the bots start reloading. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM And then at the end of primary season, we have to pick up the shattered remains of whoever got the most votes and attempt to glue them back together into a candidate who can win the general election. And we will lose. Because we learned fucking NOTHING from 2016, apparently Trump didn't win because every conservative loves him. Most of them hate his fucking guts. But they held their noses and voted for him because he was the only way to push their agenda forward. And holy shit, have they pushed it. Despite his complete ineptitude, his bumbling, his gross incompetence, his blatant corruption, they have shoved through some really damaging policies that are hurting real people every single day, and they will continue to do so for as long as we let them So, here we are. You're not jazzed about Liz Warren? Awesome. Beto not your boy? Swell. Sick of Biden memes? Good for you, friend. Keep it to yourself. Why? Because EVERY SINGLE DEMOCRAT WHO RUNS IS INFINITELY BETTER FOR THE FUTURE OF OUR COUNTRY THAN THE FLAMING RACIST POPULIST TRASH CURRENTLY STEERING THIS COUNTRY DIRECTLY INTO THE SUN. I'm not sure if you noticed, but we already elected a guy based on a cult of personality rather than on whether he was qualified in any way to do the iob, and we're going to be putting out the flames for DECADES But what do we do instead, you ask? Watch debates. Compare platforms Be informed. Choose your favorite BASED ON REAL FACTUAL POLICIES AND EXPERIENCE, NOT ON YOUR DELICATE FEELINGS AND WHETHER YOU FEEL SUFFICIENTLY ENTERTAINED OR INEXPLICABLY HAPPY AT THE VERY SIGHT OF THEIR GLOWING FACE. Then get involved. Register people. Drive to the polls. Hold signs on street corners. Write postcards Knock on doors. Don't tell us why the other candidates suck, tell us why yours is THE BEST. Fight FOR them. Remember how we used to fight FOR things, rather than against them? I know Trump makes it hard to remember, but I promise, that's a thing we used to know how to do Then we all, collectively, wholeheartedly, throw our weight and energy and voice behind whoever gets the nomination. If we do that, we win. Period It's not a question of who can beat Trump, don't you get it? A sentient fucking houseplant with a liberal platform could beat Trump, if we do this right. It's a question of whether WE can beat him, or would we rather tear ourselves apart? Look around you, folks. The stock market is in free-fall. Our international reputation is in tatters. Our foreign policy is for sale to dictators. Our free press is under daily attack. Our Supreme Court is one conservative white dude away from full-on Gilead, and we can't keep asking an 84-year-old woman recovering from broken ribs and a third bout of cancer to hang on for six more years because we can't get our heads out of our own asses. I mean, she'll do it, obviously, because RBG is a BOSS, but she shouldn't have to. I repeat. This is not a test of our candidates. There are lots of good, solid options. It's a test of US. Of OUR ability to unite. Of OUR strength. Of OUR ability to put aside selfish arbitrary purity tests and scales of "likeability" and to just FUCKING GET IT DONE. We don't need the perfect candidate to rescue us. We need to realize that we can rescue ourselves So, how about it, Resistance? They want us to forget that we have the numbers, the motivation, and the power. They want us to implode. Let's explode instead, and leave nothing but a charred ruin of this nightmare administration in our wake. BOOM 1.4K Comments 6.7K Shares onceuponamirror: helenofhere: snarksandkisses: Also good to keep THIS SHIT in mind: This is the most important post on this platform since early 2016. WE ARE NOT FUCKING IT UP TWICE. DO NOT LET PROPAGANDA AND MANIPULATION DIVIDE US AGAINST GETTING THIS MONSTER OUT. thanks
Beard, Love, and New Year's: DONNY CATES @Doncates 14h Yeah. Way more innocent. Childlike at times. Adam @Arctic_Adam Replying to @Doncates What type of voice do you read the symbiote? More demonic like the movie or more innocent? DONNY CATES @Doncates 14h Yes Rinienne @RinNathe Replying to @Doncates We were teased the symbiote having a name, will it ever come up again? DONNY CATES Φ @Doncates. 13h Love Joshannukah @Joshy206 @Doncates what does venom smell like DONNY CATES Ф @Doncates. 14h Beard was my call, yeah. I think the symbiote will love it as long as it makes Eddie happy. Rinienne @RinNathe Replying to @Doncates Ok, last... three in one? I swear. Was it your idea to give Eddie beard? Can he keep it? Do you think the symbiote will like it when it comes back? 91t16 62 symbisexual-disaster: symbisexual-disaster: However, in an effort to be more positive this year, which will last for approximately 4 hours, here are some things from the AMA that I kind of liked? He does write the symbiote voice as very childlike, which I love, so…credit for that, at least.  remember yesterday morning when I was going to give Donny the benefit of the doubt and try to find things in his stupid replies that I liked? Adorable ^ this one is really rubbing me the wrong way. Eddie Venom have been in a canonically romantic relationship since like, 1995 or whatever. Venom shouldn’t have a childlike voice because a) that’s kinda gross and b) it’s how many decades/ centuries old before it got to Eddie?It’s not a great thing to conflate innocence and childlike qualities as being the same thing. You can have one w/o the other.Anyway, we’re going into the new year fully realising that Donny Cates is a fuckwit and I’m only picking the comic up once he gets fired and the queer stuff is back on the menu.
Bitch, Food, and Fucking: LO 29% 5:04 PM staggot + astral-nymph staggot Not following each othe staggot Choke bitch astral--nymph Why are you being so aggressive over people asking for proof? staggot I'm gonna give people proof I was abused as a child... ok astral--nymph You're asking people to give you their hard earned money for free We simply want to know that our money will be going to good use and not being wasted on luxury items bv someone takina advan- GIF Say your thing 29% 5:04 PM staggot + astral-nymph items by someone taking advan- tage of our good will. You can't treat people like this and tell them to die or choke. It makes you look like a dumbass and quite frankly you don't deserve anyones money if you're going to treat anybody like this. astral--nymph And nowhere in that post did you mention child abuse. How can you say we're asking for proof you were abused as a child if you didnt mention it? astral--nymph No. We're asking for proof of your bills. Proof you dont have the money in your bank accounts to pay everything yourself. Proof that you are unemployed or that you dont have enough of a wage to sustain yourself GIF Say your thing 29% 5:04 PM staggot + astral-nymph astral--nymp No one is asking you to prove that you were a victim of this or that. We just want proof that you actually need financial assistance. And so far you've proven that you don't deserve our money anyway with that fucking gross attitude of yours. astral--nymph That's all I have to say about it Take from it what you will, but stop telling people to kill themselves You're no better than the people you claim abused vou and your abuse doesnt give you an excuse to act in such a way either staggot Didn't read staggot You're a bitch GIF Say your thing POSTS LIKES FOLLOWING staggot Hi everybody, I was assaulted by transphobes for trying to use the bathroom at a bar the other day I visited my parents to talk to them about it, and they blamed me for not having "common sense" so l've decided I have to cut them out of my life even though they pay my car insurance and phone bill and provide me with food sometimes. If anybody is able to help me financially right now this is an emergency Here's a link to my PayPal https://www.paypal.com/ cgi-bin/webscr?cmd xclick&hosted_button_id-RSFC5VJB4ABRE - s- Or you can send money through the cash app my cashtag is $puppies3000 jbobbington celestial-naiad: Hey guys. If you see this post by @staggot rolling around I’d advise that you pass on donating to them. It’s in poor judgment to donate to people who don’t provide proof of their struggles, but it’s also in poor taste to donate to someone who treats people like this simply for asking for said proof. There’s absolutely no reason to act like this, unless of course you’re a lying asshole who just wants money for free. Tagging @nunyabizni @klubbhead @tooiconic @rallythedead @its-bewitched @robert-the-asshole @takashi0 Please help spread this around. I’d hate for anybody to lose their hard earned money donating to this person.
Apparently, Candy, and Children: @PENCILEDCELEBRITIES OPENCILEDCELEBRITIES @PENCILEDCELEBRITIES IF YOU TELL ANYON RAY dykedottir: layingdownsomebatfeets: cumbler-tumbler: layingdownsomebatfeets: cumbler-tumbler: alwaysbewoke: jesussaysno: I don’t get the man one ? the entire series is focused on stopping all abuse the man here has his mouth covered up by a woman wearing a wedding ring. meaning he is being abused by his wife. of the men i’ve known and spoken to about being abused by their wives, one of the common ways wives will try to “make up” for the abuse is literally with money. fucking crazy sad shit but women who abuse their men (bf or husband) also believe us to be super materialistic and so they can just buy us. i could go on but i don’t want to. it’s too fucking gross.  this is clearly pedophila in the catholic church. a profoundly evil act that is is primarily aimed at little boys.  this is child molestation in the black community that tarted little black girls overwhelmingly. usually by a family member and usually a male family member with candy being used to buy their silence.  and this is an abused wife. the hand is male wearing a wedding ring. similar to the wife abusing the husband, an attempt to buy silence happens with flowers, candy and jewelry being the common gifts.   i respect that this artist (a woman i believe) covered such a wild range of abuse even the ones we don’t talk about.  I think that’s a dripping anatomical heart in the flower, too. :( Still don’t get the man one tbh. Is there an epidemic of rich women beating their husbands? I honestly don’t know. I am not familiar with the phenomenon, but knowing that male-on-female domestic violence vastly outweighs the reverse, I had to assume that it was included because otherwise she would have caught hell for it. I mean, apparently it does happen, so… Male violence against women and children is at actual epidemic levels. I know a few men who have suffered violence at the hands of female partners and it’s awful and unacceptable. But they were also all in a position to 1) leave and easily survive and/or 2) if they hit back would very much be able to stop the attack. As in if they hit back the woman would be ko’d. I’m not saying female on male violence is ok I’m saying it isn’t a ‘thing’ in the way the others are.  Agreed. Men have the means to leave abusive relationships much quicker than most abused women do (if ever). Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck youFuck you fuck you fuck you fuck youFuck you fuck you fuck you fuck youFuck you fuck you fuck you fuck youFuck you fuck you fuck you fuck youFuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you
Bad, Bad Boys, and Christmas: HELI'S KITCHEN MOVME CUB XMAS SPECIAL MUN ou ARE MOST ToUBLESOME FOR A SECURITY GUARD ㄧㄋ EEENH! SORRY, HANS, WRONG GUESS. Wouw You IKE TO ão FOR OUBLE JEOPARTY,WHERE THE SCORES CAN REALLY CHANGE? CWHOA, THESE THINGS ARE REALLY BAD FOR You THEN WHO ARE You? [INDIANA JONES THEME MUSIC PLAYS] WHEWE JUST A FLY IN THE OINTMENT, HANS. ER PSHUU THE MONKEY KLIK TTER WHAT IS IT YOU WANT, MARY? WHAT DO YOU WANT? DO YOU WANT THE MOON? JUST SAY THE WORD AND I'LL THROW A LASSO AROUND T AND PULL IT DOWN HEY. THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD IDEA. I'LL GIVE YOU THE MOON, MARY. I'LL TAKE IT. THEN WHAT, GEORGE? SNIFE WELL, THEN YOU CAN SWALLOWIT AND IT'LL ALL DISSOLVE, SEE. AND THE MOONBEAMS WOULD SHOOT OUT OF YOUR FINGERS AND YOUR TOES AND THE ENDS OF YOUR HAIR... AM I TALKING TOO MUCH? YES! WHY DON'T YOU KISS HER, INSTEAD OF TALKING HER TO DEATH? HKMC is a work of satire by Dave Acosta (@davedrawsgood), Dee Cunniffe (@deezoid) & Alex de Campi (@alexdecampi). All characters (c) Marvel Comics. Next episode: Death Wish. Or maybe Predator. Dunno. No for real, The Thin Man is "clearly" the best Xmas movie. William Powell is a comedy genius. (If you like Nick & Nora, check out My Man Godfrey, another brillant Powell screwball that has the greatest and by greatest we mean most fucked-up- meetcute of all time.) There's a period in one's young adulthood where it's deeply uncool to like A Wonderful Life. Sentimentality! Ugh, gross. Then you get older, and messages of hope seem a lot more necessary than before. Also, Jimmy Stewart is funny as hell. Not just his delivery, but his physical business between lines? #Goals. Stewart has been in a lot of great films Capra's so current it hurt Mr Smith Frex but if you like nors, dig up the under-appreciated Preminger classic, Anatomy of a Murder. Duke Ellington wrote&performed the score! Anyway: Happy Christmas from all of us. You are more important than you know, and more loved than you believe. Things will get better, give it time. alexdecampi: Hells Kitchen Movie Club Xmas Special! Ho ho ho, motherfuckers! Love from me, @dave-acosta and @deecunniffe Bucky’s shirt a low-key nod to @buckykingofmemes, who we adore Previously in Hell: cover image // 01 // 02 // 03 // Xmas // 04 // 05 // 06 // That time the Punisher’s creator gave us a thumbs-up // twitter // insta HOW did I get a shoutout in this A YEAR AGO and never knew about it?? This series is excellent! Look at that drowsy Bucky!
Ass, Bitch, and Fucking: dick-rider-dave-strider: strangelyobsessedwithstuff: vialsofbrightforgettingpowders: ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, TIME FOR SOME LEARNIN SO SIT OUR BITCH ASS DOWN AND GET OUT OUR NOTEPAD THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE IS SUGAR SCRUB. YEAH I KNOW YOUVE SEEN IT BEFORE BUT YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I KNOW AND THAT WHEN YOU USE IT WITH ONE OF THESE FUCKERS YOU WILL GET LEGS AND ARMS AND ANY OTHER SHIT YOU WANT THAT IS SO SOFT YOU WILL BE SHOVING IT IN THE FACE OF EVERYONE YOU KNOW AND ASKING THEM TO COMPARE IT TO THE TENDER PINK FLESH OF A NEWBORN SO GET YOURSELF SOME FUCKING WHITE SUGAR AND SOME CHEAP ASS OIL LIKE CANOLA OR SOME SHIT AND MIX THAT SHIT WITH TWO PARTS SUGAR AND ONE PART OIL( THAT MEANS TWICE AS MUCH SUGAR AS OIL BITCHES I USUALLY USE ONE CUP OF SUGAR AND DO SOME FUCKING MATH TO FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH OIL THAT IS) DROP A FEW DROPS OF VANILLA ESSENCE OR MAYBE SOME FUCKING LAVENDER OIL WHATEVER YOU WANNA SMELL LIKE. MIX IT UP REALLY GOOD MMMM SMELLS LIKE CAKE BATTER FUCK YEAH. NOW GET YOURSELF GOOD AND NAKED. REAL NAKED. PAMPER YOUR GODDESS-LIKE ASS WITH A BUBBLE BATH. TAKE ONE OF THOSE RAZORS YOU GOT AND SHAVE WHATEVER YOU LIKE TO SHAVE LEGS ARMS VAJAYJAY PITS I DONT FUCKING CARE. NOW GET OUT OF THAT GROSS HAIRY DIRT WATER AND SIT ON THE EDGE OF THAT THERE BATHTUB. TAKE A HANDFUL OF THAT SWEET GOOP AND RUB IT ALL OVER THAT SKIN OF YOURS(just dont use this stuff on or near your lady bits i put this in lower case because it is really important your love cavern does not like sugar uh uh no way its diabetic) RUB RUB RUB KEEP RUBBIN YEAH YOUR HANDS STARTING TO FEEL WEIRD GOOD BECAUSE ITS WORKING NOW TAKE THAT CHEAP-ASS DISPOSABLE RAZOR YOU HAVE AND SHAVE OFF THAT NASTY-ASS DEAD SKIN EWW ITS SO GROSS NO ITS NOT ITS YOUR OWN SKIN BUT ITS ALL GREY. RINSE OF THAT OILY STUFF BECAUSE YOUR SKIN AINT NO SLIP-N-SLIDE GOOD NOW FEEL YOUR NEWFOUND SOFT SKIN THAT WAS ONCE BURIED UNDER LAYERS OF DEAD FLAKES OF YOUR PAST SELF YOUR WELCOME MOTHERFUCKERS CLASS DISMISSED IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS POST FOR AGESthanks for the tip karkat reference