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A Dream, Christmas, and Instagram: cacen so at the bar in which I work, there's an unofficial rule that all of our door staff must have names that start with D or rhyme with 'doorman', which has led to me be- friending a trio of six foot four men with beards called Doorman Logan, Doorman Drew, and Doorman Dan now, let me tell you now that Doorman Dan is the abso- lute love of my life. I don't care that he's a decade older than me and has a fiance. you know when someone is so extraordinary or impossible to define that they're simply referred to as 'a character? that's Doorman Dan. now, before I get into his personality, let's describe his appearance. imagine the most stereotypical Scand inavian person ever: tall, white-blond, strong-jawed. now, add a heavy South Walian accent and an orange jumper. that's Doorman Dan. since meeting him last year, I've discovered .he once had a dream that he had a tattoo that said 'shit happens' on his left arsecheek, so when he woke up he decided he had to fulfil the prophecy and got it tattooed on his arse by a bloke called Junkie Jeff at 9AM .he forgot to call his girlfriend for three months while he was in the army, and was complet unaware they had broken up until he wishe happy Christmas and she responded with what the fuck Dan .accidentally married his army buddy in Vegas for thirty-six hours .he saw someone beating up a guy for being gay, and instead of jumping in and fighting back he decided to get absolutely bollock-naked and stand in front of the homophobe until he got freaked out and ran off .he has a millionare buddy who rings him up once a month for 'mystery adventures', one of which has resulted in Doorman Dan no longer being allowed inside any John Lewis shops .he is convinced the love of his life is not his fiancee, but a man named Ned. upon being asked who Ned is, he shrugged and responded with: "TII know when I meet him. .he runs an Instagram account dedicated to his pet rabbits and refuses to let people into the bar unless they follow him his fiancee booked a wedding venue before he even proposed. "I don't even know if I'm invited, truth be told." when he caught a couple having sex in our loos, he didn't want to intrude so he just gently knocked on the door and asked if they'd like a snack . .he has created his own non-alcoholic cocktail called Doorman's Sunrise because he feels left out being the only person on the dance floor without a drink when he's patrolling the bar I could honestly write a ten-season sitcom about him cacen BIG OL UPDATE: HE GOT MARRIED LAST WEEK!!!! zohbugg I need 10 seasons and a movie about the life of Doorman Dan thecheshirecass I look forward to reading more about the loving, polyamorous relationship he and his wife develop with Ned when they finally meet. fuckveahdiomedes What's the instagram for the rabbits, op? Source: cacen 114,993 notes The adventures of doorman dan
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Blade, Church, and Crazy: vinebox i'm so in love with this bath bomb pocmemes jojo @cloutboyjojoo i should get baptized with this in my pocket...the whole church gone go crazy World Champ JR E @HarlemGetsMoney Replying to @cloutboyjojoo **water turns black The church: cry is trash13 I had a server tell me about how he was harassed into going to a church baptism ceremony by a not so close friend and to get them off his back he agreed He decided some time before that of he was going to be forced to do this her might as well have fun with it right? So he goes to lush and buys one of the black bath bombs, and cuts it in haf Now fast forward to the day of and he is wearing a small hamess under his shirt that is keeping both haves of the bath bomb one either shoulder blade He volunteers to get baptised They take him up put him in the white robe and then he waits for his turn. Now the friend who invited him had no clue what he is doing. They are pleasantly surprised to see him participating Honestly. A mistake on their part I only knew this guy for a max of 45 minutes and I could already tell this dude was a chaos entity So his turn comes up and they go to dunk him and the water immediately starts to foam and turn black and he starts screaming like a banchee jumps out the water and hisses at the priest Everyone fucking lost it and her was banned from ever attending that church again So yeah all in all seems like a great thing to do for a hilarious story Source vinebox2 82,219 notes The Baptism of the Anti Christ (colourized, year unknown)
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A Dream, Christmas, and Instagram: cacen so at the bar in which I work, there's an unofficial rule that all of our door staff must have names that start with D or rhyme with 'doorman', which has led to me be friending a trio of six foot four men with beards called Doorman Logan, Doorman Drew, and Doorman Darn now, let me tell you now that Doorman Dan is the abso- lute love of my life. I don't care that he's a decade older than me and has a fiance. you know when someone is so extraordinary or impossible to define that they're simply referred to as 'a character? that's Doorman Dan. now, before I get into his personality, let's describe his appearance. imagine the most stereotypical Scand inavian person ever: tall, white-blond, strong-jawed. now, add a heavy South Walian accent and an orange jumper that's Doorman Dan. since meeting him last year, I've discovered .he once had a dream that he had a tattoo that said 'shit happens' on his left arsecheek, so when he woke up he decided he had to fulfil the prophecy and got it tattooed on his arse by a bloke called Junkie Jeff at 9AM he forgot to call his girlfriend for three months while he was in the army, and was complet unaware they had broken up until he wishe happy Christmas and she responded with what the fuck Dan .accidentally married his army buddy in Vegas for thirty-six hours .he saw someone beating up a guy for being gay and instead of jumping in and fighting back he decided to get absolutely bollock-naked and stand in front of the homophobe until he got freaked out and ran off .he has a millionare buddy who rings him up once a month for 'mystery adventures', one of which has resulted in Doorman Dan no longer being allowed inside any John Lewis shops .he is convinced the love of his life is not his fiancee, but a man named Ned. upon being asked who Ned is, he shrugged and responded with: "TII know when I meet him." .he runs an Instagram account dedicated to his pet rabbits and refuses to let people into the bar unless they follow him .his fiancee booked a wedding venue before he even proposed. "I don't even know if I'm invited, truth be .when he caught a couple having sex in our loos, he didn't want to intrude so he just gently knocked on the door and asked if they'd like a snack .he has created his own non-alcoholic cocktail called Doorman's Sunrise because he feels left out being the only person on the dance floor without a drink when he's patrolling the bar I could honestly write a ten-season sitcom about him cacen BIG OL UPDATE: HE GOT MARRIED LAST WEEK!!!! zohbugg I need 10 seasons and a movie about the life of Doorman Dan thecheshirecass I look forward to reading more about the loving, polyamorous relationship he and his wife develop with Ned when they finally meet. fuckyeahdiomedes What's the instagram for the rabbits, op? Source: cacen 114,993 notes Once upon a time there was a doorman named Dan
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Another One, Bad, and Christmas: Scott Kerr @scott kerr Follow Boy writes to Lego after losing a mini-figure. Lego's customer service department should rurn the world. Email from Luka to LEGO Hello. Myname is Luka andi am seven years old. With al my money l got for ChristmasI bought the Ninjago kit of the Ultrasonic Raider. The number is 9449. It is really good. My Daddy just took me to Sainsburys and told me to leave the people at home but I took them andI lost Jay ZX at the shop as it fell out of my coat. I am really upset I have lost him. Daddy said to send you a email to see if you will send me another one. I promise I won'"t take him to the shop again if you can. Thank you. Enail reply from Richard at Lego Consumer Services Thanks for sending us an email! We are very sorry to hear about you losing your Jay minifigure but it sounds like your dad sight have been right about leaving it at hone. It sounds like you are very sad about it too Normally we would ask that you pay for a new one if you lose one of your ninifigures and need to have it replaced. My bosses told me I could not send you one out for free because you lost it but, I decided that I would put call into Sensei Wu to see if he could help ne Luka, I told Sensei Nu that losing your Jay minifigure was purely an accident and that you would never ever ever let it happen er again. He told me to tell you, Luka, your father seess like a very wise nan. You nust always protect your Ninjago ninifigures like the dragons protect the Weapons of Spinitzu Sensei Wu also told ne it was okay if I sent you a new Jay and told se it would be okay if 1I included sonething extra for you because anyone that saves their Christmas soney to buy the Ultrasonic Raider must be a really big Ninjago fan So, I hope you enjoy your Jay ninifigure with all his eapons. You will actually have the only Jay minifigure that combines 3 different Jays into one! I an also going to send you a bad guy for hin to fight! Just reneaber, what Sensei ku said: keep your ninifigures protected like the Weapons of Spinjitzul And of course, always listen to your dad You will see an envelope from LEGO within the next two weeks with your new ninifigures. Please take good care of them, Luka. Renember that you promised to alwavs leave thes at hone. RETWEETSLIKES 35,162 67,568 黶閻曜 器傭闖 5:01 AM-16 Sep 2016 This is how you do customer support

This is how you do customer support

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