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Driving, Friends, and Fuck You: today at work i let someone into a dressing room and they said "thanks" and half of me tried to say you're welcome and the other half tried to say "no problem and i ended up saying "your problem Anonymous 12/07/11(Wed)16:28 No.5220706 Reposting my all time favorite greentext playing soccer in gym ball is up in the air think I'm gonna be awesome and air kick it into the goal -try miss bal >kick goale in the face stry to ask Are you okay and "I'm fucking sorry at the same time sinstead end up yelling "ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY? goalie is choking back tears this post had me in tears I was hoping the notes would be full of similar stories, but they're not, so i'll add my story for anyone else looking for more laughs: I had to go to a library to pay a fee and I was practicing in the car between "I have to pay a fine" and "I have to pay a fee" and I walked in and firmly stated "I have to pee" and slapped a five dollar bill on the counter (the fee was like ten cents), and walked out. This was like three years ago andI still haven't been back, My friend was driving and we were almost past our turnoff so l tried to say "quick" and "fast" at the same time and I ended up screaming "QUACK" which ended up with him judging me very hard and missing the turn philip-the-nickel in volleyball in tenth grade my team lost almost every single game but PRAYING that we would win and all of my teammates started cheering but instead of yelling encouragement I accidentally yelled "DEAR this one time we were ahead and I was sitting on the bench literally for my friend who was about to serve and I tried to join in the cheers HEAVENLY FATHER one of my friends (ankesh) was playing soccer and was about to get nailed in the face and another of my friends tried to say "watch out ankesh" and said "WONKESH" I was in the car with my sister and we were arguing and I was caught between yelling "fight me" and "fuck you" at her, so I just ended up screaming "FUCK ME!" at her aRe YoU fUcKiNg SoRrY?
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Ass, Future, and Goals: weepycat things that 15 year old me did sophomore year that my southern-bred god-fearing conservative christian teachers Did Not Like teacher refused to let me sit backwards in chairs. i made a point to sit backwards in chairs until she told me to stop, and then id manspread as much as possible. (semester one.) teacher got onto my friend and gave her a panic attack over her newly dyed hair. i told her my friend putting red streaks in her hair was no different than her removing the grey streaks from her hair got sent outside. (semester one) teacher told me my bra strap was showing. took my bra off in class and put it in bag. was sent to principal's office. mother was called, although she only muffled her laughter over the telephone (semester two) to homophobic teacher who disliked my mothers] "what language is gaelic from? gayland?" "that's where my moms are from, ma'am." teacher claimed i was lying about moving to uruguay and tried to force me into sitting in a personal meeting about my future classes and goals. told her to "sign me the fuck up for underwater basket weaving" and got sent outside. (semester two) was told by teacher that "ladies should not say they have to pee. try 'can i use the restroom' instead" replied with "alright. i gotta piss like a racehorse. can i use the restroom?" (got sent outside. again semester two) was told to "smile, you'll look nicer" by a 6'0" male coach i did not know. when he blocked my entrance out of the classroom until i smiled for him, i said "shove it straight up your ass," before elbowing him in the ribcage, ducking under his arm, and running for it. skipped class in that building for a week. (semester two) hopped a fence to catch my bus and flipped off an ancient male history teacher when he shouted at me to come back. he threatened to find me again. he never found me andy-the-anon An inspiration Source: weepycat omfmdjsk worth reading
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Best Friend, Drinking, and Family: READ THIS Hi Jo, you've lost your short term memory. This paper will update you on your condition, as your memory right now only lasts about 5 minutes, so you're continually asking the same questions. Where am 12: You're in the ICU atyes, this is the hospital you like. s today/How long have I been sick?: Today is Tuesday May 31, 2011. You've been in the What i hospital since Monday May 30, 2011 at 1pm. You started feeling weird Sunday night after getting back from the campgrounds with your brother and father. You were also dehydrated during the weekend, and drinking pedialyte. You were vomiting, had a terrible headache, and were not able to be aroused (lolz whats new?) when you fell asleep. You also were running a fever What's wrong with me?: You have an infection. Your biggest symptom right now is short ternm memory loss and confusion. You're able to hold a conversation, but you go through the same series of questions again and again. It's like 50 First Dates. They're not sure right now, but they've ruled a lot of stuff out. It could be meningitis, which can cause memory loss and some of the earlier symptoms you had (fatigue, nausea, vomiting, headache). As of my typing this up (4:30pm), they did not have a diagnosis (or aswould say, diagnoses.) They did a CAT scan, and you didn't stroke out of have a seizure, and you haven't bumped your head so they're confident that this is temporary MENIGITIS!? How do I get an infection that rots my brain: It's airborne, and it's an inflammation of the spinal cord or something. It's a serious condition but everyone seems confident that you'll be fine when the antibiotics kick in Are the kids okay?: The kids are perfectly fine and they aren't showing signs of any illness or infection.is on formula and is doing surprisingly well on it and you're pumping and dumping just in case Does my family know2: Yes, your family knows. is flying out tomorrow and yo grandmother might be coming with her. No, your grandma didn't speak in tongues, but she did sob. You called her a dipshit. You've spoken to your mother twiceand all of your family has called to introduce themselves to me lol. They're being updated continually L have to pee. You have a catheter, so feel free. 2: Yes, and you've known that since Friday. You get the keys on the 22d of June. This is the 31st of May. Yes, you for sure got it. amiliar?: That's your nurse are so fancy for a hospital room!: Yeah bro, I don't know what your fascination with the floors is, but you've said that like 800 times <p><a href="http://oswinstark.tumblr.com/post/156366552074/lunapics-laughingsquid-friend-makes-a-woman" class="tumblr_blog">oswinstark</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://221cbakerstreet.tumblr.com/post/156366480519/lunapics-laughingsquid-friend-makes-a-woman" class="tumblr_blog">221cbakerstreet</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://lunapics.tumblr.com/post/45478943574">lunapics</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://laughingsquid.tumblr.com/post/45364692714">laughingsquid</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://laughingsquid.com/friends-make-a-woman-hospitalized-with-short-term-memory-loss-an-informative-faq/">Friend Makes a Woman Hospitalized with Short-Term Memory Loss an Informative FAQ</a></p> </blockquote> <p>This is the best friend a person could ever have.</p> </blockquote> <p>The last one 😂</p> </blockquote> <p>I fucking burst out laughing at that last one</p> </blockquote>
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