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Animals, Beautiful, and Crying: AN AVERAGE SATURDAY MORNING: WITH KIDS VS. WITHOUT KID WITH KIDS TIME WITHOUT KIDS Time to get up! Someone peed 6:00 You won't be getting up for 5 through his diaper and now your bed is covered in urine more You change a diaper and try to get the kid to sleep a little longer but now the he's yelling zoo animals and doing flips on the 6:30 You made some breakfast for your child, but today he decided he hates eggs. He's saying he wants "scrims" but you don't know what that means. He won't explain and just keeps yelling "scrims" louder and louder 7:00 Your pillow got a little warm so you turn it over and go back to You've now watched the same episode of Spongebob four times. One time you tried to change it over to the news and your kid shoved a spoon in the Tranquil visions dance in your 8:00 O0 head as the sweet embrace of slumber engulfs your resting body You attempt to take a shower but your kid keeps throwing can openers into the tub. You weren't aware that you hacd multiple can openers An angel comes down and gently kisses your forehead. Sleep well, sweet prince 8:30 You walk upstairs to your room, but didn't realize your kid was using the stairs as a stunt zone for Hot Wheels and you slip on one and nearly die as you tumble back down to the A hummingbird perches itself outside your window and sings a sweet lullaby. He blows you a kiss and soars away 9:00 You try to finally go to the bathroom, but forgot to lock the door so now your kid is crying because you won't let him dump sand in your lap. He dumps it on the dog instead. The sand was actually used cat litter You wake briefly to adjust your sleep number. (You bought an adjustable bed with all the disposable income you have from not having a kid.) 9:30 You hear laughter, which is almost more terrifying than crying. You walk in the living room to see your kid making 10:00 S Still sleeping soundly, like a puppy in front of a crackling snow angels in glue. There's no way you're getting your deposit back with a giant glue angel in the middle of the carpet Your kid doses off and you try to catch up on your favorite show You stir a little and check your texts. Your friend wants to go to brunch later. That sounds nice 30 more minutes of sleep and you'll get ready for that. Maybe go to mall later or ride go-karts Unfortunately, six minutes into it 10:30 there's a dramatic moment where the music builds and your kid is now wide-awake. (Screw You get everyone loaded into the car to go to the zoo, even though it's 90 degrees and so humid taxidermy is coming back to life. Your kid yells a racial slur he heard in a movie. Out of all the words he's heard, that's the only one that stuck. You wake up feeling refreshed and beautiful. You know what? It's Saturday. Let's just lie in the bed a while and watch a movie 11:00 srsfunny:Saturdays With Kids Vs. Without Kids

srsfunny:Saturdays With Kids Vs. Without Kids

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Party, Tumblr, and Blog: <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://incurablyawesome.tumblr.com/post/44284236924/little-red-riding-cock-connorronnoc">incurablyawesome</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://little-red-riding-cock.tumblr.com/post/43997925526/connorronnoc-hydrofloors-are-only-like-the">little-red-riding-cock</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://connorronnoc.tumblr.com/post/43380026908/hydrofloors-are-only-like-the-coolest-thing-ever">connorronnoc</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://www.hydrofloors.be/movable-floors.php">Hydrofloors</a> are only like the coolest thing ever invented. They are specially designed pools with movable floors. When you’re using your pool it’s just like a normal pool. But when you are done swimming or aquacising, you press a button and the pool’s floor slowly raises up while the water slips underneath the floor. Pimpin! Eventually the pool’s floor reaches the top and you are left with a large flat area you can use for recreation, dining, parties or any other dry land event you want.</p> <p>Another press of the button and the floor sinks back down slowly to reveal your already water-filled pool. You can also stop the floor at any point which means you can make the pool as shallow or deep as you want. Having a kid’s party? Just set it for shallow kiddie pool depth. Be sure to throw a few extra chlorine tablets in the pool cleaning mechanism though, you know how kids are.</p> </blockquote> <p>I could potentially drown my enemies at a sleep over…</p> </blockquote> <p>There are two kinds of people</p> </blockquote>

incurablyawesome: little-red-riding-cock: connorronnoc: Hydrofloors are only like the coolest thing ever invented. They are specially des...

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