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Beer, Click, and Dank: ESSENTIAL GUY CODE LAWS Player 1 belongs to whoever owns the console If a bro dies while lifting, put more weight on 2 the bar, then call 911. Shotgun is a responsibility, not a privilege. If 3 you are sitting up front, you're not a passenger, you're the co-pilot. Don't throw a friend under the bus to impress 4 someone. Ever. When offered a beer, accept it even if it's not "your brand." Your favorite brand of beer is "free." Your second favorite is "cold." If friend with truck assists you with moving, 6 you shall reciprocate with a full tank of gas. Beer and pizza also accepted. If your bro dies, delete his Internet history. Be polite around your buddy's lady friend, 8 but when he asks what you think, lay the truth on him like a ten ton slab. Unless it is super busy, there must always be a one urinal buffer between men in a restroom. If you shake with a limp hand, you are 10 acknowledging non-verbally to me that I'm in charge, even if we've just met If you and buddy are having a threesome 11 with a girl, you can't look each other in the eyes. But if you happen to accidentally look each other in the eyes, you have to high five! The three-person concept of watching adult 12 videos: One guy watching adult videos is cool. Three guys watching adult videos is cool. Two guys watching adult videos, not cool. All groceries go from the vehicle to the 13 house in one trip. It does not matter how many bags there are. 14 Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. There are specific rules to the "head nod" 15 when greeting another male. If you know them nod up, if you don't you nod down. Bro code question: What if a bro asks too much and does too little? Cleans the kitchen, demands rides for a week. Brings shit beer, drinks good beer. What do? Details plz by ThrowawayBlast CLICK HERE 4 MORE MEMES.
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Fall, Life, and Shower: "Can men use this soap?" 23 "Can I wear this or is it too girly?" 20 16 "l'd never use this stuff. I'm not metro" "Do you have a non-pink shaving soap 12 The male ego is so fragile assbutt-of-my-dreams:sailorlune:kattomatic:ericjudysbeard:Working at LUSH: the saga I have had men some into a store I used to work at asking if “this hairspray will work on men” and when I said yes they said “but it’s purple” My whole life! A man walks into a store to buy shampoo. He walks down the hair care aisle and spots a pink shampoo bottle that promises to give you luscious locks. The man is determined, for his hair lacks luster. He asks the nearest store clerk, “Will this work for men? It’s pink, so I’m not sure.” The store clerk looks at the man, then at the shampoo. He shrugs his shoulders in ignorance. The man resolves to purchase the shampoo anyway.After arriving at his humble abode, the man takes a shower with his new shampoo. He opens the bottle and tries to pour the soapy substance into his hand, but alas; the shampoo refuses to fall onto his manly skin.The man crumples down in utter defeat, sobbing as the shower water softly cascades down his rippling shoulders. The shampoo will never work for him, for he is a man, and the shampoo he bought is unfortunately in a pink bottle. “I should have known,” he cries out in a whimper. “I should have known.”

assbutt-of-my-dreams:sailorlune:kattomatic:ericjudysbeard:Working at LUSH: the saga I have had men some into a store I used to work at aski...

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Advice, Ass, and Bad: only1600kids itsagifnotagif lesbianvenom in fifteen minutes I'm going to tell you the story about how my dumb lesbian ass willingly went into a dorm with four bros lesbianvenom it's been more than fifteen minutes I know but you will get the full scoop on this (also l'm okay) lesbianvenom Okay STORY TIME sol was walking back from work around nineish and my neighbor/seminar classmate is in the hallway talking to his girlfriend. he sees me and he's like "hey!! hey classmate whose name I don't know" so I turned around and was like "it's Hayley. and he apologized for not knowing (I didn't know his name either so I wasn't mad) and asked if I'd started my first paper for seminar. he asked me what it was on so I told him and he was like "I'm so stuck I have no idea what to do," so clearly the natural response for my stupid ass to make is to offer him help I told him to knock on our door and ask for me if he needed help. maybe I did this because I was still in tutor mode from work. maybe I did it because no one takes those offers up anyway, right? wrong! a half an hour later, as I'm getting ready to shower, he knocks for the door and asks for me, and all my roommates don't believe him bc he's this dude bro who clearly works out and is wearing a johnny cash tshirt. like how fake deep is that. i would never associate with a dude bro so he invites me back to his place and as I'm walking there I'm like "this could very possibly be a bad idea," but I go anyway bc I'm a dumbass with no sense of self preservation. he lets me into his apartment and I'm immediately hit with the bro-ness of it all: a sports illustrated poster on the wall, protein powder EVERYWHERE, posters of beer, snap backs, flasks, and a guitar because of course there is. his room is no better, and alarm bells are just fucking going off and I'm trying to think of a quick exit. then he tries to close his damn door to his own room and I'm like "hold up that stays open" and he was like "oh yeah I'm sorry I didn't think about that," which was....considerate. two hours, two cigarette breaks later, one opening paragraph later, and one of his roommates trying to hit on me later, he starts talking about intersectionality and my mind goes?????????????? and we legit talked about rape culture and trump and how fucked we all are. eventually we started talking about the law and feminism so then I tell him I'm gay and his immediate response is "do you get those stupid microagressions from guys who say they can turn you straight?" and it took me a minute to respond bc the fact he even knew that word was so bizarre it was like worlds colliding he then tells me he thinks his little sister might be gay because he thinks she told him while he was drunk one night but he couldn't remember so he asks for advice because he doesn't want to upset her because, in his words, "I'm not gay so you know I don't understand it like you do. then, because the night of course could get weirder, he tells me he writes poetry but doesn't tell anyone because he'll get shit for it bc he's supposed to be a "tough guy" and masculine and shit and I just feel Jesus sending me a message through this kid that shouldn't judge all dude bros by the bro-ness of their looks but I also wanna stay sexy and not get murdered so I'm gonna keep doing that. sorry jesus. finally I left because I was tired and also I had to wash the smell of bad cologne off of me but guys this was an experience please be- lieve me. i was standing in the shower before just letting the water wash over me as the whole two hour ordeal played over in my head because we laughed, we talked. he told me something about himself no one else knows, we exchanged political ideas and fist bumps. we bonded over the stress of a seminar paper and now we are forever changed by this event. so that was how my dumb lesbian ass willingly walked into a room with four dudebros in it. cutecajunlizard I was so scared this was gonna go badly but turns out it's about making new friends in unexpected places Source: lesbianvenom 83,261 notes Dudebro Story
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Bad, Beer, and Dad: sppot aing In tect y BCDEF- H-K-phasphs -R-9-T-U- M--Y-and- un wty didusaphaspharcus because ts the LN ENTALP Aman aal hesefne iae beiweeea suseae anda desor Only a faction of yeu will undatand this Same peaple appreciata these jokes aore dan't wnd the cvisan is clex QUEUE IS JUSTQ FOLLOWED B 4 SILENT LETTERSA THEY ARENT SILENT THEYRE WAITING THEIR TURN bores past gery ic anoeymoua Tm aecing a et of nev faCEs in teand tha wek and thae to say m h tgented 7 Mario, what do you get when you cross an insomniac, an urwiling agnostic and a dyslexic? wish there was a Formula to make Friends. The squadratic formula DIDYOU HEAR ARDUTTHE MAN WHO GOT COOLED TO ARSOLUTE ENOP () CH'L CH HESOK Heisenberg and Schrddrger are taveling in a car and are puiled over by a cop The oticer asks Do you know how fast you were going Heisenberg repls "No, but I know where I am This arouses the officers upicion so he asks to check their unk He looks inside and asks "Are you aware thare us a dead cat in your unk?, to which Schrbdinger reples 1 do now 11 you are 412 13 eo NTTON Wesh W HOM O Or Dd ou g YODA Yp 14 Romec check out this cat video T t: omg dad Jut h Just: romo eti dct men ly ded Julet romeo 15 I put my root beer in a square cup. Now it's just beer. SCERODINCER HOWS NY CAT DOCP dinger's AuApe VET I HAVE GOOD NEWS & BAD NEWS 17 The sunber pla ia the chemical equason far Gaccas and the car is a whits Cabe THAT'S A NICE CAR, BUT.. WHERE DID MY VAN GOGH? 19 What do you get when you cross a joke and a rhetorical question? 2 MAFUNGI WHY DOESNT ANYONE LIKE MEP 21 paidays 1 my one hat was gadium unny neon thet Na No 22 AREYOUMADEOUTOF COPPER AND TELLURIUMP You Are Pretty Smart If You Get These 23 Jokes

You Are Pretty Smart If You Get These 23 Jokes

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