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Af, Anaconda, and Confused: Thread I am about to tell you an epic tale about subterfuge, dating in the 21st century and the fall of human civilization. This actually happened to me and it could happen to you too. Get some popcorn. Thread* 48 PM 39 Aug 18 2,419 Retweets 4,030 Ls So a few weeks egolwas on the Tinder machine ahopping my soul around and t vary attractwe young laxty No bio. Fairly innocuous l text her n we make amall tak abt work or a bit than she gois,uaty, thawa hic huge precentation im werkin on for my job, would you be ottended if I got back to you ve gol more free time? youre cute and t want to meer you Im just oo busy m thought wel that's an owerty elaborate way to ghest somsone i say TolI woudrt be offended Isotaty get t me up when you're iree thank you t was wormed you late buri for sure ra test you in Sk" ฮ n my head Tm Two waaks pais 1 compktdy sorget about her then I remember and go back o tinder andic ontt ind i that's ward she deleted her tinder buti take it s overly elaborate ghoating methods Then yesterday Iget a vext THEY IM omomow t was wondering if you wanted wa coukd go get drinks ater and see what happens m like wel iibe daned Genuinely didnt think she would message me around todoy and tomonow but just conte around 6 and 11 meet you try the stage thes weead ot say sure thing lpoking formand bo it This moming she texts me at 9 am hey it's gonna rain today but i thin it shoud clear up in time for our de I'm ike coot ill be there Iplay football wth gerwond aliar soday and aspresa m iscredulty at the stuation Ifind her Instagrmt says singer actress, model, 3000 ollewersand Im Ehe uugghhhh I dunno bro. THIS SHIT FEELS OFf but fuck it 0 I make my way to Unign Square Eat a hot dog and look Ơwer by this open tot by and about 100 ppl and camerus and sh Manhattn shit e random a She leats me eym neinng a lttle tn but jut meet me by te stage then we can golwaen't gonna stand n fhont of e fucking stage sol stand af so tha ade a bit 0 Eventusly ee a giiming towards bockstage wn two enonmoue bodyguards in sunglaases and reaise its her and fm thinking WHAT THN l stay back and oosess the snuation and fuck imma playing and she gets on the stage and im so fucking confused but think wel guees she's a social mecde rality or 0 L immeciately think Im too fucking old She gets Pe me and is lke thanks for coming outbet you re oll mondering the fuck is this about 0 She then ays kow al of yog hee are on tindler and I'm Ike oppe0 Then she says l've invited you all here for proceads to gve a hunger pane about wtut its gomna take to 0 L THE DUDES THERE SHE FOUND D THEM THESAME SHITTEXTEDTHEME TCEND oN 0 Every man n ne owd look down ard mimes WHAT IN 000 THE THIB SHIT to themsl NAME OF SCOOBY Ad that poiet I un geuiely imazedal he falopian fortitude the g possesses This is top 10 gremest and plaged TUST NO ONE I TRUST NOTHING FMVAN CIVILIZATION DONT GET GOT THE END clare harper flood herpoonen h weet your l We in 2018, she in 2058 by sooshi MORE MEMES
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Books, Bored, and Call Me Maybe: Medieval Village and Bored Assholes uck stome some background: I work weekends at a small medieval village about an hour outside of town. We're not hugely popular, but we always have at least 30-50 people in the village, and it's always* the same types of people: the enthusiastic little kids in costumes, the high teenagers, the adult cosplayers the newlyweds, and the lonely bored men who want nothing more than the rush of catching you on something historically inaccurate. T play the scribe and run the bookshop, because l can do calligraphy and I know some Latin. it's primarily a store though, and people are supposed to buy books or calligraphy commissions. Mostlye just want me to write their name fancy. It's pretty straightforward But one day this guy comes wandering in with this sneer and I just know he's gonna be a dick. give him my usual scripted welcome, and out of the gate he asks how it's historically accurate for the town scribe to be a woman I have an answer prepared, saying something about my father keeping the ledgers and never having a son, so he taught me my letters and sent me to the local priest to learn my Latin. He asks a handful more uncomfortable obnoxious questions and all I can think is T'm on minimum wage to the cent, I'm stuffed into a starched frock, and l'm clearly just a local teenager" but l keep smiling and tolerating it.T answer all of his questions correctly until bored asshole (BA): "So if you learned your Latin from a priest I'm sure you can say an authentic medieval latin prayer for me now?" and I kinda freeze, because l'm Jewish and don't know any Christian prayers at all, and the only Latin I can remember was from a class project where we translated pop songs into various languages me: "eho te convenivi tamquam et hic furor est sed hic numerus meus est ita invoca me fortasse" BA is finally shut up and satisfies and leaves (without buying anything) and content not knowing that the blessing was the chorus of Call Me Maybe The most heartfelt prayer in any language
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