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#1 You knew things were about to get good when she pulled out the butter sock. #3 How hard we tried to figure out how the milk disappeared #4 When your mom would brush your hair when you were younger and your face was this 90% of the time: mars @marsmallow 1d excuse me MESSAGES now Dad I hear a lot of curse words... Maybe you should try another game. You might not be good at that one Slide for more #8 dad's message Smart daddy # 9 This dad is smart. This dad is an engineer. # 10 This dad is an engineer. What if Mr. Krabs is Pearl's Suga Daddy. Which is why she's always calling him daddy and asking him for money # 11 What is Mr. Krabs is Pearl's Suga Daddy Connor, the Shaquille-O'Neal-... My dad always found rubber ducks while on walks and hid them around for his version of good luck. He passed four years ago, and we thought we found them all Tonight, I opened the back seat cupholder of my car for apparently the first time in a while. Dad, you genius jerk #12 Dad and rubber ducks the only thing i like about working at the movie theater is seeing this dad bring his daughter to disney movies #13 The only thing i like about working at the movie theater is seeing this dad bring his daughter to Disney movies LOLDAMN #1 You knew things were about to get good when she pulled out the butter sock. #3 How hard we tried to figure out how the milk disappeared #4 When your mom would brush your hair when you were younger and your face was this 90% of the time

#1 You knew things were about to get good when she pulled out the butter sock. #3 How hard we tried to figure out how the milk disappeare...

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madamebomb: pr1nceshawn: One time, when I was drunk… THAT LAST ONE NEVER FAILS TO MAKE ME LAUGH : ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS DRUNK... I tried to steal a large, expensive bottle of beer from a house I cleverly hid it by stuffing it into my pants. party I was attending. I knew there was only one thing I could do to make this right. But as I was saying goodbye... The bottle fell out and shattered on the ground. 0 SNASH T ran the hell away. Collegelumon ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS DRUNK... CollegeHumor I went online and became an ordained minister. This is the number one best idea. QUIKMINISTER.BIZ "Twice as holy for half the price!" SIGN UP TODAY! So now, when you sneeze, and I say "bless you"... It secretly means so much more. ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS DRUNK... I started doing magic tricks for all of the employees at a bar. Whether they wanted to see them or not. Whassat behind yer ear...? Ish... thish yer card? uh, yeah actually! It's a shot! A few months later, I went back to that bar, assuming that by now no one would remember my embarrasing magic show. But the bouncer recognized me... Yeah, you're the guy with all the magic tricks, right? Hey pal, don'tIknow you from somewhere? well I've got one say to you... thing to WE STILL TALK THAT WAS SO AWESOME! ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME! CollegeHumor ...He was a big fan. ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS DRUNK... I got super nauseous while I was riding in the car with friends so I barfed out the window, all over everyone in the back seat... ...and directly onto the windshield of the police car behind us. We got pulled over, and everyone in the car got a ticket... SPLAT!! CollegeHumon ...except for me, because I was the only one with my seatbelt on. madamebomb: pr1nceshawn: One time, when I was drunk… THAT LAST ONE NEVER FAILS TO MAKE ME LAUGH
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Wow: uncleromeo when I was 11, my (black) neighbor witnessed my house being broken into. she called the police to report the crime. I came home from school and the robber was still inside. I personally watched as a man I didnt know walked out of my home with our stuff. the police didnt show up for 3 days. when they did, they told us there was nothing the could do because we "staged the house". they claimed we hid our tv's and valuables to make it look like more was actually stolen. they never asked for a description, never visited the neighbor who saw the break-in, anf as they left, they told us that stolen property is almost never recovered and we should "buy more and get on with [our] lives" when I was 23, I was dog-sitting for a (white) friend. her neighbor called the police and said there was a strange black man in her yard. the police showed up in 5 minutes. 6 units, 12 officers, stormed the back yard as I was running around with the dog. some came through the house and I know for a fact that the front door was locked. they damaged around $5000 worth of property, took her dog to the pound, and me to jail. my friend had to cut her trip short and drive 4 hours back to get me from jail and explain to police in person that she knew me. because "that could be anybody on the phone". the neighbor was with her when she came. we had met several times before. she was neither embarrassed nor apologetic. moral of the story? too many of us have lived this. too many of us didn't survive. Wow

Wow

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