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Ass, Beer, and Comfortable: Brandorn Follow @brandonlgtaylor In a fantasy novel, how come everybody can afford high-grade wool? Also, how come everyone eats the same soups and drinks the same beer? 5:03 am - 21 Aug 2017 362 Retweets 1321 LikesO 50ti 362 1.3K Brandon @brandonlgtaylor Aug 21 Replying to @brandonlgtaylor How come in a fantasy novel, if the winters are so hard and cruel, you end up with all those pages of huge ass thick oak trees????? 2t25 276 Brandon @brandonlgtaylor Aug 21 IF THE WINTERS ARE SO HARD AND THE SOIL IS SO CRAGGY AND ARID, THEN HOW COME YOU GOT ALL THESE FORESTS?! IT DON'T MAKE SENSE 5 t28 325 Brandon @brandonlgtaylor Aug 21 How come nobody invents anything. How come all your carts look the same? WHY ARE THERE NO SMALL BUSINESS PEOPLE?! 05 t: 21 292 Brandon @brandonlgtaylor Aug 21 Your middle class. Where is it. Like, where is your merchant class, fam. Your realm has an economy, surely, where are they 07 t: 20 317 Brandon @brandonlgtaylor Aug 21 You're probably doing feudalism wrong 93 ti 17 256 Brandon @brandonlgtaylor Aug 21 Oh, yes, tell me about how all of the nobility have been in power for the same duration and they all recognize each other as legitimate tl 16 263 Brandon @brandonlgtaylor Aug 21 Your cadet branches. Where are they 4 196 Brandon @brandonlgtaylor Aug 21 Why do you think agnatic primogeniture is remotely interesting? GIVE US COGNATIC GAVELKIND 99tl 23 316 Brandon @brandonlgtaylor Aug 21 Why are you so afraid of science. Why. Why. How boring Brandon @brandonlgtaylor Aug 21 Oh, a literate woman who must hide her intelligence and scheme behind the scenes. How groundbreaking. Wow Brandon @brandonlgtaylor Aug 21 More gay sex. For everyone 91t24 369 Brandon @brandonlgtaylor Aug 21 Gender. Get rid of it. 2t3 332 Brandon @brandonlgtaylor Aug 21 Oh, a woman who disguises herself as a man in order to fight as a warrior. How feminist of you 93 ti 30 284 Brandon @brandonlgtaylor Aug 21 You want to be realistic when it comes to patriarchy, but your characters' teeth aren't rotting out and everyone wants to kiss them. Okay ti 74 468 Brandon @brandonlgtaylor Aug 21 You devised several schools of magecraft, but you expect me to believe that the kingdom's laws are applied uniformly throughout the realm Brandon @brandonlgtaylor Aug 21 You spent the entire book telling us about the succession of the king, but forgot all the succession laws in the individual fiefs. Oh. Okay 93 ti 13 188 Brandon @brandonlgtaylor Aug 21 Why is your king not worried about his dukes consolidating power via marriages and alliances? Idk. Seems important. 93 t5 260 Brandon @brandonlgtaylor Aug 21 Oh, your main character is a religious cynic so you don't have to worry about creating a system of faith for your world. How convenient. 5 tl 22 269 Brandon @brandonlgtaylor Aug 21 Who domesticated the wheat that you're using to make that bread? 4 t 217 Brandon @brandonlgtaylor Aug 21 Who invented the process of making all that ale your characters are drinking. And why are they drinking it year round? How???? Brandon @brandonlgtaylor Aug 21 Uhm, also, who is breeding all of these horses? And where did they come from originally? Like, how did they end up here? Brandon @brandonlgtaylor Aug 21 How did they agree on a systematized measure of time? Or of anything for that matter? Distance? Weight? Volume? Are there time zones? Brandon @brandonlgtaylor Aug 21 Epic fantasy reads like the notepad doodlings of the laziest history nerds on the planet. <p><a href="http://friendly-neighborhood-patriarch.tumblr.com/post/164974800512/thespectacularspider-girl-poorpoorpitifulme" class="tumblr_blog">friendly-neighborhood-patriarch</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="http://thespectacularspider-girl.tumblr.com/post/164974727869/poorpoorpitifulme-boyonetta-sunderlorn" class="tumblr_blog">thespectacularspider-girl</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="http://poorpoorpitifulme.tumblr.com/post/164974366977/boyonetta-sunderlorn-finally-someone-said" class="tumblr_blog">poorpoorpitifulme</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a href="http://boyonetta.tumblr.com/post/164960162684/sunderlorn-finally-someone-said-it-all" class="tumblr_blog">boyonetta</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://sunderlorn.tumblr.com/post/164487606354/finally-someone-said-it-all-of-it-all" class="tumblr_blog">sunderlorn</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>FINALLY 👏 <a href="https://twitter.com/brandonlgtaylor">SOMEONE</a> 👏 SAID 👏 IT. 👏 ALL OF IT.  👏ALL AT ONCE. 👏</p> <p>(Thank you <a>@fallingawkwardly</a>​ for bringing this to my attention.)</p> </blockquote> <p>if u tell me u would read three hundred pages detailing the extensive process of domesticating the wheat that made the bread that the main character is eating ur either lying or ur really into wheat in a way i’m not entirely comfortable with</p> </blockquote> <p>Besides, in the real world, wheat was domesticated around 8000 years ago in the Middle East and spread to Europe (assuming the kinds of fantasy stories he’s complaining about are set in Fantasy Europe) long before the medieval era, so it’d be completely realistic for people to just act as if wheat were always domesticated and not think about it. </p> <p>Also, there really weren’t many entrepreneurs during the feudal era given that limited liability wasn’t a thing and getting stuck in debtor’s prison for a failed business venture was basically a death sentence. There would have been craftsmen and merchants and suchlike, but not really the culture of “small business owners” he seems to be envisioning. Equally, the middle class as a large-scale phenomenon wasn’t so much of a thing until the decline of feudalism in the late fifteenth, early sixteenth century.</p> <p>And all the nobility being established at the same time and all more or less recognising each other’s claims was basically exactly how the history of England went after the Norman Invasion. All the major noble families of the feudal era (and most still around today) could trace their lineage directly back to the first group of conquering nobles that came over with William I, and this difference in their origins from the common people would have been immediately obvious even after hundreds of years.</p> </blockquote> <p>Pedantic:  The Twitter Screed</p></blockquote> <p>Pedantry without true knowledge</p></blockquote> <p>I mean if you want to get pedantic and specific on a fantasy world you could always read the entire appendixes for LOTR.</p>