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☕️  Kermit the Frog Memes

👏🏾  Congratulations Meme

humanoid Memes

A Nightmare
A Nightmare
In A
In A
Trying
Trying
I Was Told
I Was Told
That
That
Opposive
Opposive
that's it
that's it
something
something
state
state
inhabit
inhabit 

    
                    

                

            
        
    

    
    
    






            

            
            

                

                    
                

                

                    
                    
                    

                        


	


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        Florida Man, Target, and Tattoos: FLORIDA MAN
 Medium aberration, shapeshifter, chaotic evil
 Armor Class 10
 Hit Points 85(15d10 3)
 Speed 40 ft., Swim (40ft.)
 CON
 CHA
 STR
 DEX
 INT
 WIS
 17 3) 17 (-3) 17 (-3) 1 (-5) 1 (:5) 18 (-4)
 Condition Immunities paralyzed, poisoned, grappled,
 charmed, frightened, fatigued
 Senses Tremorsense (30ft)
 Languages Common, Deep Speech
 Challenge 5 (1,800 XP)
 Chaos Incarnate. When Florida Man becomes the
 target of a spell he rolls for an effect on the Wild
 Magic table
 Modern Cryptid Florida Man may appear as any
 humanoid indefinitely and can change it's
 appearance at will. It is not incredibly hard to spot,
 however, due to the deranged look in it's eyes and
 penchant to take on odd appearance traits (such as
 face and neck tattoos, unusual hair styles, and
 extremely poor oral hygiene). The Florida Man's
 true appearance is unknown, but it will collapse
 into 3d4 small alligators upon dying
 Actions
 Multiattack Florida Man makes two attacks each
 turn if it is able.
 Eat a Face. Melee Weapon Attack: +5 to hit, reach
 5t, one target. Hit 9 (2d6 2). On a Successful
 Eat a Face attack, Flordia Man grapples the target
 Throw Something Ranged Weapon Attack: 2 to
 hit, reach 20ft, one target. Hit 15 (3d6 4)
 Florida Man will attempt to lift an unsecured object
 or person within 5ft. of it and throw it at a target. If
 a creature is thrown, they take no damage but are
 relocated. If no object or person is within reach,
 Florida Man will seperate a small aligator from its
 biomass and throw it
monsters-and-more:

dungeonmalcontent:

Now updated with a few things that make it (in my mind at least) more fitting, functional, and terrifying. 

Legends.
        

            
            

                
                
                    Florida Man, Target, and Tattoos: FLORIDA MAN
 Medium aberration, shapeshifter, chaotic evil
 Armor Class 10
 Hit Points 85(15d10 3)
 Speed 40 ft., Swim (40ft.)
 CON
 CHA
 STR
 DEX
 INT
 WIS
 17 3) 17 (-3) 17 (-3) 1 (-5) 1 (:5) 18 (-4)
 Condition Immunities paralyzed, poisoned, grappled,
 charmed, frightened, fatigued
 Senses Tremorsense (30ft)
 Languages Common, Deep Speech
 Challenge 5 (1,800 XP)
 Chaos Incarnate. When Florida Man becomes the
 target of a spell he rolls for an effect on the Wild
 Magic table
 Modern Cryptid Florida Man may appear as any
 humanoid indefinitely and can change it's
 appearance at will. It is not incredibly hard to spot,
 however, due to the deranged look in it's eyes and
 penchant to take on odd appearance traits (such as
 face and neck tattoos, unusual hair styles, and
 extremely poor oral hygiene). The Florida Man's
 true appearance is unknown, but it will collapse
 into 3d4 small alligators upon dying
 Actions
 Multiattack Florida Man makes two attacks each
 turn if it is able.
 Eat a Face. Melee Weapon Attack: +5 to hit, reach
 5t, one target. Hit 9 (2d6 2). On a Successful
 Eat a Face attack, Flordia Man grapples the target
 Throw Something Ranged Weapon Attack: 2 to
 hit, reach 20ft, one target. Hit 15 (3d6 4)
 Florida Man will attempt to lift an unsecured object
 or person within 5ft. of it and throw it at a target. If
 a creature is thrown, they take no damage but are
 relocated. If no object or person is within reach,
 Florida Man will seperate a small aligator from its
 biomass and throw it
monsters-and-more:

dungeonmalcontent:

Now updated with a few things that make it (in my mind at least) more fitting, functional, and terrifying. 

Legends.
                    
                
            

            
                
                
monsters-and-more:

dungeonmalcontent:

Now updated with a few things that make it (in my mind at least) more fitting, functional, and terri...

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
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        Love, Tumblr, and Blog: Prvv.
 sacchavinerose
saccharinerose:

All reptiles love chin scratches, even the humanoid ones
        

            
            

                
                
                    Love, Tumblr, and Blog: Prvv.
 sacchavinerose
saccharinerose:

All reptiles love chin scratches, even the humanoid ones
                    
                
            

            
                
                
saccharinerose:

All reptiles love chin scratches, even the humanoid ones

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
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        Bubba, Clock, and Crying: writing-prompt-s
 You're in charge of assigning every child
 on Earth the monster under their bed
 One child in particular has caused every
 monster assigned to him/her to quit. You
 decide to assign yourself.
 kittenwiskers
 Case: #273402
 Status: Disastrous
 I stare at the file and realize I have no
 options, over the last 2 years every
 monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has
 quit, every last one. Her first monster; a
 giant goldfish-faced humanoid named
 Bubba, had been with her for four years
 and then she wasn't scared of him
 anymore. After that it was a string of
 different common, uncommon, and rare
 monsters... I even assigned a sentient
 sock monster to her. He came back
 crying
 I look on my tablet, only one assignable
 monster left; myself. Field work has never
 been my cup of tea, but desperate times
 call for desperate measures. So at 8:03
 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte
 and her little brother Daniel; I slither into
 the space beneath Charlotte's bed
 Across the room underneath Daniel's crib
 is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind
 of monster.
 I turn my attention to the bed above me,
 Charlotte is still awake but barely, reach
 up over the bed and run an ice cold
 finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it
 again
 "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She
 whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can
 see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door
 somewhere in the house slams and there
 is an audible hitch of breath from above
 me. A few minutes go by I can hear
 Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There
 are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and
 loud panting breaths, Charlotte
 scrambles off the bed and..
 She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With
 Me.
 "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me. I
 The door to the bedroom slams open and
 I smell the stench of human intoxicants
 before the man even steps inside.
 I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of
 my monsters; she's afraid of her own.
 Francis reaches a hand under the bed
 and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to
 pull, I slither out.
 "What the... I cut Francis's next words
 off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height.
 Looming over the drunken man I caress
 my cold fingers down his face.
 "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my
 child again, I will find you, and I will do
 the same to you, for all eternity." I
 promise to him
 As Francis runs from the room he soils
 himself.
 I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck
 her back under her covers and kiss her
 forehead goodnight. "l'll be back
 tomorrow night, sleep well darling."
 Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the
 monster under her bed
 funny.C
awesomacious:

A greatly written story
        

            
            

                
                
                    Bubba, Clock, and Crying: writing-prompt-s
 You're in charge of assigning every child
 on Earth the monster under their bed
 One child in particular has caused every
 monster assigned to him/her to quit. You
 decide to assign yourself.
 kittenwiskers
 Case: #273402
 Status: Disastrous
 I stare at the file and realize I have no
 options, over the last 2 years every
 monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has
 quit, every last one. Her first monster; a
 giant goldfish-faced humanoid named
 Bubba, had been with her for four years
 and then she wasn't scared of him
 anymore. After that it was a string of
 different common, uncommon, and rare
 monsters... I even assigned a sentient
 sock monster to her. He came back
 crying
 I look on my tablet, only one assignable
 monster left; myself. Field work has never
 been my cup of tea, but desperate times
 call for desperate measures. So at 8:03
 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte
 and her little brother Daniel; I slither into
 the space beneath Charlotte's bed
 Across the room underneath Daniel's crib
 is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind
 of monster.
 I turn my attention to the bed above me,
 Charlotte is still awake but barely, reach
 up over the bed and run an ice cold
 finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it
 again
 "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She
 whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can
 see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door
 somewhere in the house slams and there
 is an audible hitch of breath from above
 me. A few minutes go by I can hear
 Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There
 are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and
 loud panting breaths, Charlotte
 scrambles off the bed and..
 She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With
 Me.
 "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me. I
 The door to the bedroom slams open and
 I smell the stench of human intoxicants
 before the man even steps inside.
 I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of
 my monsters; she's afraid of her own.
 Francis reaches a hand under the bed
 and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to
 pull, I slither out.
 "What the... I cut Francis's next words
 off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height.
 Looming over the drunken man I caress
 my cold fingers down his face.
 "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my
 child again, I will find you, and I will do
 the same to you, for all eternity." I
 promise to him
 As Francis runs from the room he soils
 himself.
 I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck
 her back under her covers and kiss her
 forehead goodnight. "l'll be back
 tomorrow night, sleep well darling."
 Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the
 monster under her bed
 funny.C
awesomacious:

A greatly written story
                    
                
            

            
                
                
awesomacious:

A greatly written story

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            




    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        Bubba, Clock, and Crying: writing-prompt-s
 You're in charge of assigning every child
 on Earth the monster under their bed
 One child in particular has caused every
 monster assigned to him/her to quit. You
 decide to assign yourself.
 kittenwiskers
 Case: #273402
 Status: Disastrous
 I stare at the file and realize I have no
 options, over the last 2 years every
 monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has
 quit, every last one. Her first monster; a
 giant goldfish-faced humanoid named
 Bubba, had been with her for four years
 and then she wasn't scared of him
 anymore. After that it was a string of
 different common, uncommon, and rare
 monsters... I even assigned a sentient
 sock monster to her. He came back
 crying
 I look on my tablet, only one assignable
 monster left; myself. Field work has never
 been my cup of tea, but desperate times
 call for desperate measures. So at 8:03
 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte
 and her little brother Daniel; I slither into
 the space beneath Charlotte's bed
 Across the room underneath Daniel's crib
 is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind
 of monster.
 I turn my attention to the bed above me,
 Charlotte is still awake but barely, reach
 up over the bed and run an ice cold
 finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it
 again
 "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She
 whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can
 see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door
 somewhere in the house slams and there
 is an audible hitch of breath from above
 me. A few minutes go by I can hear
 Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There
 are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and
 loud panting breaths, Charlotte
 scrambles off the bed and..
 She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With
 Me.
 "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me. I
 The door to the bedroom slams open and
 I smell the stench of human intoxicants
 before the man even steps inside.
 I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of
 my monsters; she's afraid of her own.
 Francis reaches a hand under the bed
 and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to
 pull, I slither out.
 "What the... I cut Francis's next words
 off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height.
 Looming over the drunken man I caress
 my cold fingers down his face.
 "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my
 child again, I will find you, and I will do
 the same to you, for all eternity." I
 promise to him
 As Francis runs from the room he soils
 himself.
 I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck
 her back under her covers and kiss her
 forehead goodnight. "l'll be back
 tomorrow night, sleep well darling."
 Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the
 monster under her bed
 funny.C
awesomacious:

A greatly written story
        

            
            

                
                
                    Bubba, Clock, and Crying: writing-prompt-s
 You're in charge of assigning every child
 on Earth the monster under their bed
 One child in particular has caused every
 monster assigned to him/her to quit. You
 decide to assign yourself.
 kittenwiskers
 Case: #273402
 Status: Disastrous
 I stare at the file and realize I have no
 options, over the last 2 years every
 monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has
 quit, every last one. Her first monster; a
 giant goldfish-faced humanoid named
 Bubba, had been with her for four years
 and then she wasn't scared of him
 anymore. After that it was a string of
 different common, uncommon, and rare
 monsters... I even assigned a sentient
 sock monster to her. He came back
 crying
 I look on my tablet, only one assignable
 monster left; myself. Field work has never
 been my cup of tea, but desperate times
 call for desperate measures. So at 8:03
 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte
 and her little brother Daniel; I slither into
 the space beneath Charlotte's bed
 Across the room underneath Daniel's crib
 is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind
 of monster.
 I turn my attention to the bed above me,
 Charlotte is still awake but barely, reach
 up over the bed and run an ice cold
 finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it
 again
 "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She
 whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can
 see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door
 somewhere in the house slams and there
 is an audible hitch of breath from above
 me. A few minutes go by I can hear
 Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There
 are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and
 loud panting breaths, Charlotte
 scrambles off the bed and..
 She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With
 Me.
 "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me. I
 The door to the bedroom slams open and
 I smell the stench of human intoxicants
 before the man even steps inside.
 I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of
 my monsters; she's afraid of her own.
 Francis reaches a hand under the bed
 and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to
 pull, I slither out.
 "What the... I cut Francis's next words
 off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height.
 Looming over the drunken man I caress
 my cold fingers down his face.
 "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my
 child again, I will find you, and I will do
 the same to you, for all eternity." I
 promise to him
 As Francis runs from the room he soils
 himself.
 I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck
 her back under her covers and kiss her
 forehead goodnight. "l'll be back
 tomorrow night, sleep well darling."
 Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the
 monster under her bed
 funny.C
awesomacious:

A greatly written story
                    
                
            

            
                
                
awesomacious:

A greatly written story

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            




    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        Bubba, Clock, and Crying: writing-prompt-s
 You're in charge of assigning every child
 on Earth the monster under their bed
 One child in particular has caused every
 monster assigned to him/her to quit. You
 decide to assign yourself.
 kittenwiskers
 Case: #273402
 Status: Disastrous
 I stare at the file and realize I have no
 options, over the last 2 years every
 monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has
 quit, every last one. Her first monster; a
 giant goldfish-faced humanoid named
 Bubba, had been with her for four years
 and then she wasn't scared of him
 anymore. After that it was a string of
 different common, uncommon, and rare
 monsters... I even assigned a sentient
 sock monster to her. He came back
 crying
 I look on my tablet, only one assignable
 monster left; myself. Field work has never
 been my cup of tea, but desperate times
 call for desperate measures. So at 8:03
 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte
 and her little brother Daniel; I slither into
 the space beneath Charlotte's bed
 Across the room underneath Daniel's crib
 is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind
 of monster.
 I turn my attention to the bed above me,
 Charlotte is still awake but barely, reach
 up over the bed and run an ice cold
 finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it
 again
 "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She
 whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can
 see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door
 somewhere in the house slams and there
 is an audible hitch of breath from above
 me. A few minutes go by I can hear
 Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There
 are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and
 loud panting breaths, Charlotte
 scrambles off the bed and..
 She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With
 Me.
 "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me. I
 The door to the bedroom slams open and
 I smell the stench of human intoxicants
 before the man even steps inside.
 I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of
 my monsters; she's afraid of her own.
 Francis reaches a hand under the bed
 and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to
 pull, I slither out.
 "What the... I cut Francis's next words
 off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height.
 Looming over the drunken man I caress
 my cold fingers down his face.
 "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my
 child again, I will find you, and I will do
 the same to you, for all eternity." I
 promise to him
 As Francis runs from the room he soils
 himself.
 I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck
 her back under her covers and kiss her
 forehead goodnight. "l'll be back
 tomorrow night, sleep well darling."
 Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the
 monster under her bed
 funny.C
A greatly written story
        

            
            

                
                
                    Bubba, Clock, and Crying: writing-prompt-s
 You're in charge of assigning every child
 on Earth the monster under their bed
 One child in particular has caused every
 monster assigned to him/her to quit. You
 decide to assign yourself.
 kittenwiskers
 Case: #273402
 Status: Disastrous
 I stare at the file and realize I have no
 options, over the last 2 years every
 monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has
 quit, every last one. Her first monster; a
 giant goldfish-faced humanoid named
 Bubba, had been with her for four years
 and then she wasn't scared of him
 anymore. After that it was a string of
 different common, uncommon, and rare
 monsters... I even assigned a sentient
 sock monster to her. He came back
 crying
 I look on my tablet, only one assignable
 monster left; myself. Field work has never
 been my cup of tea, but desperate times
 call for desperate measures. So at 8:03
 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte
 and her little brother Daniel; I slither into
 the space beneath Charlotte's bed
 Across the room underneath Daniel's crib
 is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind
 of monster.
 I turn my attention to the bed above me,
 Charlotte is still awake but barely, reach
 up over the bed and run an ice cold
 finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it
 again
 "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She
 whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can
 see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door
 somewhere in the house slams and there
 is an audible hitch of breath from above
 me. A few minutes go by I can hear
 Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There
 are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and
 loud panting breaths, Charlotte
 scrambles off the bed and..
 She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With
 Me.
 "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me. I
 The door to the bedroom slams open and
 I smell the stench of human intoxicants
 before the man even steps inside.
 I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of
 my monsters; she's afraid of her own.
 Francis reaches a hand under the bed
 and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to
 pull, I slither out.
 "What the... I cut Francis's next words
 off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height.
 Looming over the drunken man I caress
 my cold fingers down his face.
 "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my
 child again, I will find you, and I will do
 the same to you, for all eternity." I
 promise to him
 As Francis runs from the room he soils
 himself.
 I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck
 her back under her covers and kiss her
 forehead goodnight. "l'll be back
 tomorrow night, sleep well darling."
 Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the
 monster under her bed
 funny.C
A greatly written story
                    
                
            

            
                
                
A greatly written story

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            




    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        Bailey Jay, Bones, and Life: S TOME OF BEASTS
 SKELETON, SHARKJAW
 orm approaches through the murky
 ter, but as it nears, it becomes clear that this is
 no living thing. It is made entirely of sharks'jaws
 joined together and brought to life with grim maga
 Made from numerous, interlocking shark's jaws,
 The bumanoid form approaches through
 wa
 these horrors are animated through foul magic into
 a large, vaguely humanoid shape. Sahuagin priests
 animate them to guard their sepulchers of bones
 These sharkjaw skeletons lie among great piles of
 bones, waiting to rise up and attack any uninvited souls
 who invade the sanctity of sahuagin holy sites. Others
 guard pirate treasures or
 ancient shipwrecks
 UNDEAD AUTOMATON.
 Being mindless, sharkjaw
 skeletons do nothing
 without orders from their
 creator, and they follow those
 instructions explicitly. A sharkjaw
 skeleton's creator can give it new
 commands as long as the skeleton
 s within 60 feet and can see and
 ear its creator. Otherwise, a
 arkjaw skeleton follows its last
 structions to the best of its ability and
 the exclusion of all else, though it will
 ays fight back if attacked.
 DEAD NATURE. A shroud doesn't require
 ood, drink, or sleep
 AW SKELETON
 ad, lawful evil
 s 13 (natural armor)
 15 (6d10 + 12)
 swim 30 ft.
 Languages understands the languages of its creator
 can't speak
 Challenge 1 (200 XP)
 X CON NT
bunjywunjy:
ketchuplaser:

bunjywunjy:

armchair-factotum:

young-replica:
???????
The wizard that made this knew exactly what they wanted

…okay my next character is going to be one of these with Groucho Marx glasses

@bunjywunjy, I got you. I was going to name them Captain Sharkjaw, but you do you.
“I once killed a Owlbear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I’ll never know.”

now he’s Groucho Sharks

        

            
            

                
                
                    Bailey Jay, Bones, and Life: S TOME OF BEASTS
 SKELETON, SHARKJAW
 orm approaches through the murky
 ter, but as it nears, it becomes clear that this is
 no living thing. It is made entirely of sharks'jaws
 joined together and brought to life with grim maga
 Made from numerous, interlocking shark's jaws,
 The bumanoid form approaches through
 wa
 these horrors are animated through foul magic into
 a large, vaguely humanoid shape. Sahuagin priests
 animate them to guard their sepulchers of bones
 These sharkjaw skeletons lie among great piles of
 bones, waiting to rise up and attack any uninvited souls
 who invade the sanctity of sahuagin holy sites. Others
 guard pirate treasures or
 ancient shipwrecks
 UNDEAD AUTOMATON.
 Being mindless, sharkjaw
 skeletons do nothing
 without orders from their
 creator, and they follow those
 instructions explicitly. A sharkjaw
 skeleton's creator can give it new
 commands as long as the skeleton
 s within 60 feet and can see and
 ear its creator. Otherwise, a
 arkjaw skeleton follows its last
 structions to the best of its ability and
 the exclusion of all else, though it will
 ays fight back if attacked.
 DEAD NATURE. A shroud doesn't require
 ood, drink, or sleep
 AW SKELETON
 ad, lawful evil
 s 13 (natural armor)
 15 (6d10 + 12)
 swim 30 ft.
 Languages understands the languages of its creator
 can't speak
 Challenge 1 (200 XP)
 X CON NT
bunjywunjy:
ketchuplaser:

bunjywunjy:

armchair-factotum:

young-replica:
???????
The wizard that made this knew exactly what they wanted

…okay my next character is going to be one of these with Groucho Marx glasses

@bunjywunjy, I got you. I was going to name them Captain Sharkjaw, but you do you.
“I once killed a Owlbear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I’ll never know.”

now he’s Groucho Sharks

                    
                
            

            
                
                
bunjywunjy:
ketchuplaser:

bunjywunjy:

armchair-factotum:

young-replica:
???????
The wizard that made this knew exactly what they wanted

...

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
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        Party, Fit, and Robot: Humanoid robot trying to fit in in a party (c. 2015)
        

            
            

                
                
                    Party, Fit, and Robot: Humanoid robot trying to fit in in a party (c. 2015)
                    
                
            

            
                
                
Humanoid robot trying to fit in in a party (c. 2015)

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
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        Being Alone, Facebook, and Girls: Home News
 Turkish Photographer Beats Up
 Years Old
 Client After Learning Bride Is 15
 by Jack Alexander
 33 minutes ago
 2 Comments
erikacpataki:
likeawinterbird:

vague-humanoid:

anthonybourdainpartsunknown:
corrective action
be the change you want to see in the world

His name is 

Onur Albayrak! Here’s the story.


Hurriyet Daily News reports that Albayrak had been hired to photograph the July 5th wedding at Turgut Özal Nature Park in the eastern Turkish province of Malatya. On the day of, when he noticed that the bride-to-be didn’t look like an adult, he asked the groom her age and learned that she was only 15.
“The groom had come to my studio some two weeks ago and was alone,” Albayrak tells the Daily News. “I saw the bride for the first time at the wedding. She’s a child, and I felt her fear because she was trembling.”
Albayrak then reportedly refused to continue as the wedding photographer and attempted to stop the wedding.



The argument soon turned physical when the groom attacked him as he was attempting to leave, Albayrak says. The photographer ended up breaking the client’s nose in the fight, according to local reports.
Albayrak confirmed the reports in a Facebook post, which has been met with widespread approval, attracting thousands of Likes and hundreds of overwhelmingly positive comments.


“I wish this had never happened, but it did,” Albayrak writes. “And if you were to ask me if I’d do the same thing again, I’d say ‘yes.’ Child brides are [victims] of child abuse and no power on earth can make me photograph a child in a wedding gown.”
The legal minimum age for marriage in Turkey is 18-years-old for both sexes, and child marriage is punishable by imprisonment for men who marry underage girls. Despite being outlawed, however, child marriage is still prevalent in the country and remains a controversial political issue.
[Source] – go read the rest!


this guy is a hero.
btw - let’s remind ourselves, americans, that unlike turkey, in the US the legal minimum age for marriage is only 18 in two states. in alabama, you can be married as young as fourteen years old if you have “parental permission”. in california, you can get married under 18 if you go to counseling, have a parent with you when you apply for the marriage license, and appear before a judge. in some states, there isn’t even a specific minimum age for marriage.
the minimum marriage age for girls in new hampshire is 13 years old.
48 states allow child marriage.
child marriage is not an “over there” problem, it happens right here, legally. any one of us might find ourselves called upon to break somebody’s nose if we encounter something like this occurring. we also have a responsibility to support groups and laws trying to end child marriage in this country.

        

            
            

                
                
                    Being Alone, Facebook, and Girls: Home News
 Turkish Photographer Beats Up
 Years Old
 Client After Learning Bride Is 15
 by Jack Alexander
 33 minutes ago
 2 Comments
erikacpataki:
likeawinterbird:

vague-humanoid:

anthonybourdainpartsunknown:
corrective action
be the change you want to see in the world

His name is 

Onur Albayrak! Here’s the story.


Hurriyet Daily News reports that Albayrak had been hired to photograph the July 5th wedding at Turgut Özal Nature Park in the eastern Turkish province of Malatya. On the day of, when he noticed that the bride-to-be didn’t look like an adult, he asked the groom her age and learned that she was only 15.
“The groom had come to my studio some two weeks ago and was alone,” Albayrak tells the Daily News. “I saw the bride for the first time at the wedding. She’s a child, and I felt her fear because she was trembling.”
Albayrak then reportedly refused to continue as the wedding photographer and attempted to stop the wedding.



The argument soon turned physical when the groom attacked him as he was attempting to leave, Albayrak says. The photographer ended up breaking the client’s nose in the fight, according to local reports.
Albayrak confirmed the reports in a Facebook post, which has been met with widespread approval, attracting thousands of Likes and hundreds of overwhelmingly positive comments.


“I wish this had never happened, but it did,” Albayrak writes. “And if you were to ask me if I’d do the same thing again, I’d say ‘yes.’ Child brides are [victims] of child abuse and no power on earth can make me photograph a child in a wedding gown.”
The legal minimum age for marriage in Turkey is 18-years-old for both sexes, and child marriage is punishable by imprisonment for men who marry underage girls. Despite being outlawed, however, child marriage is still prevalent in the country and remains a controversial political issue.
[Source] – go read the rest!


this guy is a hero.
btw - let’s remind ourselves, americans, that unlike turkey, in the US the legal minimum age for marriage is only 18 in two states. in alabama, you can be married as young as fourteen years old if you have “parental permission”. in california, you can get married under 18 if you go to counseling, have a parent with you when you apply for the marriage license, and appear before a judge. in some states, there isn’t even a specific minimum age for marriage.
the minimum marriage age for girls in new hampshire is 13 years old.
48 states allow child marriage.
child marriage is not an “over there” problem, it happens right here, legally. any one of us might find ourselves called upon to break somebody’s nose if we encounter something like this occurring. we also have a responsibility to support groups and laws trying to end child marriage in this country.

                    
                
            

            
                
                
erikacpataki:
likeawinterbird:

vague-humanoid:

anthonybourdainpartsunknown:
corrective action
be the change you want to see in the world

...

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            



        

    

    
    

        

            




    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        Tumblr, Blog, and Http: biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

more fantastic human/humanoid fanart!@tardis-baby-221b submitted: Inspired by how you said you wear galaxy print and stuff
        

            
            

                
                
                    Tumblr, Blog, and Http: biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

more fantastic human/humanoid fanart!@tardis-baby-221b submitted: Inspired by how you said you wear galaxy print and stuff
                    
                
            

            
                
                
biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

more fantastic human/humanoid fanart!@tardis-baby-221b submitted: Inspired by how you said you wear galaxy pri...

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
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        Confused, Donald Trump, and School: Andy Slavitt
 @ASlavitt
 Following
 It's on! 2018 ACA enrollment has begun.
 80% can find plans under $75/month. Go to
 healthcare.gov.
 Spread the word.
 1:05 AM -1 Nov 2017
startrekgifs:

grandpa-mermaid:

askawelfarecaseworker:

ramblinganthropologist:

solitarelee:

bi-trans-alliance:

outforhealth:


ironlion919:

ppaction:

Here’s what Donald Trump doesn’t want you to know: ACA open enrollment begins TODAY!
Spread the word and #GetCovered.


Also, the time to enroll has been CUT IN HALF. They tried to kill off the ACA, but could only manage to damage it.

*****You have until Dec. 15! Don’t delay!*****

healthcare.gov GO GO GO


Reminder: the deadline is December 15

I did this last year and inexplicably turned out to be eligible for Medicaid in WV, which I STILL have. Absolute and total lifechanger that’s letting me go to school instead of having to work full time. 



#signal boost#i know the original tweet is dated 2017 but the enrolment dates are the same!#november 1 to december 15#i got confused and thought i was reblogging something outdated#but this goes for 2019 coverage!


Copying @xfreischutz‘s tags because it was a really good point. The dates for now are the same as last year. Get out there and get you your health insurance!
(Personal note: I qualified for Medicaid in Pennsylvania last year and I wasn’t expecting it. It really does help if you do it.)


NOTE - the Trump administration has allowed the sale of short term and catastrophic coverage plans. DO NOT BUY THESE. THEY WILL NOT HELP YOU. THEY ARE PREDATORY. 
Make sure, if you qualify for ACA coverage, that you are purchasing a plan that is at least Silver tier!

@vague-humanoid 


!! ENDS DECEMBER 15 !!

        

            
            

                
                
                    Confused, Donald Trump, and School: Andy Slavitt
 @ASlavitt
 Following
 It's on! 2018 ACA enrollment has begun.
 80% can find plans under $75/month. Go to
 healthcare.gov.
 Spread the word.
 1:05 AM -1 Nov 2017
startrekgifs:

grandpa-mermaid:

askawelfarecaseworker:

ramblinganthropologist:

solitarelee:

bi-trans-alliance:

outforhealth:


ironlion919:

ppaction:

Here’s what Donald Trump doesn’t want you to know: ACA open enrollment begins TODAY!
Spread the word and #GetCovered.


Also, the time to enroll has been CUT IN HALF. They tried to kill off the ACA, but could only manage to damage it.

*****You have until Dec. 15! Don’t delay!*****

healthcare.gov GO GO GO


Reminder: the deadline is December 15

I did this last year and inexplicably turned out to be eligible for Medicaid in WV, which I STILL have. Absolute and total lifechanger that’s letting me go to school instead of having to work full time. 



#signal boost#i know the original tweet is dated 2017 but the enrolment dates are the same!#november 1 to december 15#i got confused and thought i was reblogging something outdated#but this goes for 2019 coverage!


Copying @xfreischutz‘s tags because it was a really good point. The dates for now are the same as last year. Get out there and get you your health insurance!
(Personal note: I qualified for Medicaid in Pennsylvania last year and I wasn’t expecting it. It really does help if you do it.)


NOTE - the Trump administration has allowed the sale of short term and catastrophic coverage plans. DO NOT BUY THESE. THEY WILL NOT HELP YOU. THEY ARE PREDATORY. 
Make sure, if you qualify for ACA coverage, that you are purchasing a plan that is at least Silver tier!

@vague-humanoid 


!! ENDS DECEMBER 15 !!

                    
                
            

            
                
                
startrekgifs:

grandpa-mermaid:

askawelfarecaseworker:

ramblinganthropologist:

solitarelee:

bi-trans-alliance:

outforhealth:


ironlion...

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
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        Advice, Ass, and Bad: the biggest lie, i think, the intemet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny
 ittle twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon
 ike a dragon...a creature with more wealth and power than any other
 creature on the planet..a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign
 to take humanoid formwould look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard
 whose own father doesn't even love them and go...yeah I'd like to fuck that
 Counterpoint, my good man:
 Bragonsuck
 Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big
 Charisma stat. If I'm Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and
 jewels I'm not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling
 twink with a lyre. I would have standards.
 dragons are SUPER horny
 counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPER horny they've
 got better prospects than spindly little bards!lll They could be off fucking
 cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!ll They could be having sex with
 kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting
 There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons, so
 much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who
 hasn't washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in
 kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon's lairl
 I don't care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon
 who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is
 not going to bitel When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the
 Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be
 looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can't at least True
 Polymorph to make things interesting
 you're right but please shut up you are actively ruining my 10 strength
 half-elf twink bard's sexual prospects with this post
 OP is right and they should say it
 Dragon
 Bf
 Giont
 Gnol
 Gobin
 Haiting
 Koboid
 Spite
 As we can see from this most excellent chart, dragons can and will fuck
 anything. Even humans do not compare. The only species that can match
 dragons for homy-ness is, in fact, nymphs.
 Therefore your twinky-ass lil bard has as good a chance as anyone. Go
 forth and thot your way through your DM's carefully planned Big Bad
 encounter and
 fuck the dragon.
 I'm not even sure where I stand on this argument but I absolutely need to
 keep that chart for reference, so
 That chart is not proof that a dragon would fuck anything
 and youre a charlatan for pretending it does!!!
 That is a crossbreeding chart not a horny chart, and it says right on it that
 what it is tracking is the likelyhood that a union between two races would
 yield offspring. It is NOT saying that a dragon WILL fuck any of those
 creatures, just that doing so would result in a half-dragon child
 If anything this just proves siderealsandman's point the dragon could have
 any creature or being under the sun so why the fuck would it ever settle for
 a shitty PC and their+1 light leather amor. What's the bard gonna say??
 You should fuck me because you techically can?? That bitch getting
 sauteed
 OP IS CORRECT SORRY BUT THE TWINK BARD ISNT
 GETTING ANY DRAGON ASS
 a dragon fucked a donkey in shrek, your argument is invalid
 Don't bring shrek into this
 OH YEAH?? YOU WANNA DO THIS?? FINE
 CLASS TRAITS OF A BARD
 1) Your spells inspire and invigorate your allies-Donkey's role in the film
 was to inspire and invigorate Shrek to begin his hero's quest and keep him
 on his path
 2) You channel magical power through words and music Doney never
 stopped talking or singing. That was his THING
 3) Key abilities: Charisma, Intelligence, Constitution- Do we even need to
 question this?? Charisma - he managed to convince a dragon to fuck him
 He gave both Fiona and Shrek the pep-talk they needed to come to terms
 with their feelings. Intelligence-He's COLOR BLIND and stl managed to
 figure out the flowers Fiona asked for. Constitution-dude you saw the shit
 he managed to survive in that movie
 CONCLUSION-SHREK IS A DND CAMPAIGN, DONKEY IS A BARD
 THAT SEDUCED THE DRAGON. NEVER QUESTION ME IN MY HOUSE
 AGAIN
advice-animal:

How to Fuck your Dragon
        

            
            

                
                
                    Advice, Ass, and Bad: the biggest lie, i think, the intemet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny
 ittle twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon
 ike a dragon...a creature with more wealth and power than any other
 creature on the planet..a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign
 to take humanoid formwould look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard
 whose own father doesn't even love them and go...yeah I'd like to fuck that
 Counterpoint, my good man:
 Bragonsuck
 Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big
 Charisma stat. If I'm Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and
 jewels I'm not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling
 twink with a lyre. I would have standards.
 dragons are SUPER horny
 counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPER horny they've
 got better prospects than spindly little bards!lll They could be off fucking
 cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!ll They could be having sex with
 kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting
 There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons, so
 much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who
 hasn't washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in
 kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon's lairl
 I don't care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon
 who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is
 not going to bitel When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the
 Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be
 looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can't at least True
 Polymorph to make things interesting
 you're right but please shut up you are actively ruining my 10 strength
 half-elf twink bard's sexual prospects with this post
 OP is right and they should say it
 Dragon
 Bf
 Giont
 Gnol
 Gobin
 Haiting
 Koboid
 Spite
 As we can see from this most excellent chart, dragons can and will fuck
 anything. Even humans do not compare. The only species that can match
 dragons for homy-ness is, in fact, nymphs.
 Therefore your twinky-ass lil bard has as good a chance as anyone. Go
 forth and thot your way through your DM's carefully planned Big Bad
 encounter and
 fuck the dragon.
 I'm not even sure where I stand on this argument but I absolutely need to
 keep that chart for reference, so
 That chart is not proof that a dragon would fuck anything
 and youre a charlatan for pretending it does!!!
 That is a crossbreeding chart not a horny chart, and it says right on it that
 what it is tracking is the likelyhood that a union between two races would
 yield offspring. It is NOT saying that a dragon WILL fuck any of those
 creatures, just that doing so would result in a half-dragon child
 If anything this just proves siderealsandman's point the dragon could have
 any creature or being under the sun so why the fuck would it ever settle for
 a shitty PC and their+1 light leather amor. What's the bard gonna say??
 You should fuck me because you techically can?? That bitch getting
 sauteed
 OP IS CORRECT SORRY BUT THE TWINK BARD ISNT
 GETTING ANY DRAGON ASS
 a dragon fucked a donkey in shrek, your argument is invalid
 Don't bring shrek into this
 OH YEAH?? YOU WANNA DO THIS?? FINE
 CLASS TRAITS OF A BARD
 1) Your spells inspire and invigorate your allies-Donkey's role in the film
 was to inspire and invigorate Shrek to begin his hero's quest and keep him
 on his path
 2) You channel magical power through words and music Doney never
 stopped talking or singing. That was his THING
 3) Key abilities: Charisma, Intelligence, Constitution- Do we even need to
 question this?? Charisma - he managed to convince a dragon to fuck him
 He gave both Fiona and Shrek the pep-talk they needed to come to terms
 with their feelings. Intelligence-He's COLOR BLIND and stl managed to
 figure out the flowers Fiona asked for. Constitution-dude you saw the shit
 he managed to survive in that movie
 CONCLUSION-SHREK IS A DND CAMPAIGN, DONKEY IS A BARD
 THAT SEDUCED THE DRAGON. NEVER QUESTION ME IN MY HOUSE
 AGAIN
advice-animal:

How to Fuck your Dragon
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            



        

    

    
    

        

            




    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        Ass, Bad, and Beautiful: the biggest lie, i think, the intemet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny
 ittle twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon
 ike a dragon...a creature with more wealth and power than any other
 creature on the planet..a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign
 to take humanoid formwould look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard
 whose own father doesn't even love them and go...yeah I'd like to fuck that
 Counterpoint, my good man:
 Bragonsuck
 Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big
 Charisma stat. If I'm Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and
 jewels I'm not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling
 twink with a lyre. I would have standards.
 dragons are SUPER horny
 counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPER horny they've
 got better prospects than spindly little bards!lll They could be off fucking
 cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!ll They could be having sex with
 kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting
 There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons, so
 much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who
 hasn't washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in
 kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon's lairl
 I don't care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon
 who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is
 not going to bitel When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the
 Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be
 looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can't at least True
 Polymorph to make things interesting
 you're right but please shut up you are actively ruining my 10 strength
 half-elf twink bard's sexual prospects with this post
 OP is right and they should say it
 Dragon
 Bf
 Giont
 Gnol
 Gobin
 Haiting
 Koboid
 Spite
 As we can see from this most excellent chart, dragons can and will fuck
 anything. Even humans do not compare. The only species that can match
 dragons for homy-ness is, in fact, nymphs.
 Therefore your twinky-ass lil bard has as good a chance as anyone. Go
 forth and thot your way through your DM's carefully planned Big Bad
 encounter and
 fuck the dragon.
 I'm not even sure where I stand on this argument but I absolutely need to
 keep that chart for reference, so
 That chart is not proof that a dragon would fuck anything
 and youre a charlatan for pretending it does!!!
 That is a crossbreeding chart not a horny chart, and it says right on it that
 what it is tracking is the likelyhood that a union between two races would
 yield offspring. It is NOT saying that a dragon WILL fuck any of those
 creatures, just that doing so would result in a half-dragon child
 If anything this just proves siderealsandman's point the dragon could have
 any creature or being under the sun so why the fuck would it ever settle for
 a shitty PC and their+1 light leather amor. What's the bard gonna say??
 You should fuck me because you techically can?? That bitch getting
 sauteed
 OP IS CORRECT SORRY BUT THE TWINK BARD ISNT
 GETTING ANY DRAGON ASS
 a dragon fucked a donkey in shrek, your argument is invalid
 Don't bring shrek into this
 OH YEAH?? YOU WANNA DO THIS?? FINE
 CLASS TRAITS OF A BARD
 1) Your spells inspire and invigorate your allies-Donkey's role in the film
 was to inspire and invigorate Shrek to begin his hero's quest and keep him
 on his path
 2) You channel magical power through words and music Doney never
 stopped talking or singing. That was his THING
 3) Key abilities: Charisma, Intelligence, Constitution- Do we even need to
 question this?? Charisma - he managed to convince a dragon to fuck him
 He gave both Fiona and Shrek the pep-talk they needed to come to terms
 with their feelings. Intelligence-He's COLOR BLIND and stl managed to
 figure out the flowers Fiona asked for. Constitution-dude you saw the shit
 he managed to survive in that movie
 CONCLUSION-SHREK IS A DND CAMPAIGN, DONKEY IS A BARD
 THAT SEDUCED THE DRAGON. NEVER QUESTION ME IN MY HOUSE
 AGAIN
How to Fuck your Dragon
        

            
            

                
                
                    Ass, Bad, and Beautiful: the biggest lie, i think, the intemet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny
 ittle twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon
 ike a dragon...a creature with more wealth and power than any other
 creature on the planet..a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign
 to take humanoid formwould look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard
 whose own father doesn't even love them and go...yeah I'd like to fuck that
 Counterpoint, my good man:
 Bragonsuck
 Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big
 Charisma stat. If I'm Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and
 jewels I'm not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling
 twink with a lyre. I would have standards.
 dragons are SUPER horny
 counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPER horny they've
 got better prospects than spindly little bards!lll They could be off fucking
 cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!ll They could be having sex with
 kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting
 There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons, so
 much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who
 hasn't washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in
 kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon's lairl
 I don't care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon
 who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is
 not going to bitel When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the
 Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be
 looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can't at least True
 Polymorph to make things interesting
 you're right but please shut up you are actively ruining my 10 strength
 half-elf twink bard's sexual prospects with this post
 OP is right and they should say it
 Dragon
 Bf
 Giont
 Gnol
 Gobin
 Haiting
 Koboid
 Spite
 As we can see from this most excellent chart, dragons can and will fuck
 anything. Even humans do not compare. The only species that can match
 dragons for homy-ness is, in fact, nymphs.
 Therefore your twinky-ass lil bard has as good a chance as anyone. Go
 forth and thot your way through your DM's carefully planned Big Bad
 encounter and
 fuck the dragon.
 I'm not even sure where I stand on this argument but I absolutely need to
 keep that chart for reference, so
 That chart is not proof that a dragon would fuck anything
 and youre a charlatan for pretending it does!!!
 That is a crossbreeding chart not a horny chart, and it says right on it that
 what it is tracking is the likelyhood that a union between two races would
 yield offspring. It is NOT saying that a dragon WILL fuck any of those
 creatures, just that doing so would result in a half-dragon child
 If anything this just proves siderealsandman's point the dragon could have
 any creature or being under the sun so why the fuck would it ever settle for
 a shitty PC and their+1 light leather amor. What's the bard gonna say??
 You should fuck me because you techically can?? That bitch getting
 sauteed
 OP IS CORRECT SORRY BUT THE TWINK BARD ISNT
 GETTING ANY DRAGON ASS
 a dragon fucked a donkey in shrek, your argument is invalid
 Don't bring shrek into this
 OH YEAH?? YOU WANNA DO THIS?? FINE
 CLASS TRAITS OF A BARD
 1) Your spells inspire and invigorate your allies-Donkey's role in the film
 was to inspire and invigorate Shrek to begin his hero's quest and keep him
 on his path
 2) You channel magical power through words and music Doney never
 stopped talking or singing. That was his THING
 3) Key abilities: Charisma, Intelligence, Constitution- Do we even need to
 question this?? Charisma - he managed to convince a dragon to fuck him
 He gave both Fiona and Shrek the pep-talk they needed to come to terms
 with their feelings. Intelligence-He's COLOR BLIND and stl managed to
 figure out the flowers Fiona asked for. Constitution-dude you saw the shit
 he managed to survive in that movie
 CONCLUSION-SHREK IS A DND CAMPAIGN, DONKEY IS A BARD
 THAT SEDUCED THE DRAGON. NEVER QUESTION ME IN MY HOUSE
 AGAIN
How to Fuck your Dragon
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            




    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        Beautiful, Life, and Minecraft: bee-cowboy
 I hate shipwrecks in Minecraft bc they imply
 that there is/was some form of intelligent life in
 Minecraft before the player.. It's clearly not
 villagers bc they can't even build a village
 properly.. Who are these mysterious ship
 builders and where did they go.
 bee-cowboy
 halfaqueen
 It's my theory that Minecraft is
 post-apocalypse, most likely
 nuclear and the monsters where
 mutated by the fallout. The
 villagers are a new humanoid
 evolution trying to become the
 next dominant species and you are
 the last of the truly human
 survivors
 @halfaqueen your mind..
 halfaqueern
 actually the more i think ab it the more
 beautiful and lonely the world gets. i developed
 this interpretation after mineshafts where
 added but even before that, the temples buried
 by sand? trapped caverns in jungles? even in
 other worlds, fortresses in hell itself now only
 guarded by skeletons? houses in the end only
 accessible by portal after defeating the
 dragon? all relics of a past race thats beern
 mysteriously wiped. the villagers dont know
 perhaps, they see you and assume your one of
 them. different perhaps, your nose is much to
 short and face much to squished, your
 language garbled complexities they have yet to
 decode, but thats fine to them. you have things
 they want and they have things you want.
 perhaps they will one day, long after you get
 tired of this world, uncover those past relics as
 well. perhaps they will recognize the stories
 passed down, perhaps they will lament not
 trying to understand you, to find the missing
 pieces of the race before them now entirely
 gone
 or something like that. im v tired
what the fuck, carol
        

            
            

                
                
                    Beautiful, Life, and Minecraft: bee-cowboy
 I hate shipwrecks in Minecraft bc they imply
 that there is/was some form of intelligent life in
 Minecraft before the player.. It's clearly not
 villagers bc they can't even build a village
 properly.. Who are these mysterious ship
 builders and where did they go.
 bee-cowboy
 halfaqueen
 It's my theory that Minecraft is
 post-apocalypse, most likely
 nuclear and the monsters where
 mutated by the fallout. The
 villagers are a new humanoid
 evolution trying to become the
 next dominant species and you are
 the last of the truly human
 survivors
 @halfaqueen your mind..
 halfaqueern
 actually the more i think ab it the more
 beautiful and lonely the world gets. i developed
 this interpretation after mineshafts where
 added but even before that, the temples buried
 by sand? trapped caverns in jungles? even in
 other worlds, fortresses in hell itself now only
 guarded by skeletons? houses in the end only
 accessible by portal after defeating the
 dragon? all relics of a past race thats beern
 mysteriously wiped. the villagers dont know
 perhaps, they see you and assume your one of
 them. different perhaps, your nose is much to
 short and face much to squished, your
 language garbled complexities they have yet to
 decode, but thats fine to them. you have things
 they want and they have things you want.
 perhaps they will one day, long after you get
 tired of this world, uncover those past relics as
 well. perhaps they will recognize the stories
 passed down, perhaps they will lament not
 trying to understand you, to find the missing
 pieces of the race before them now entirely
 gone
 or something like that. im v tired
what the fuck, carol
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
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        Bubba, Clock, and Crying: writing-prompt-s
 You're in charge of assigning every child
 on Earth the monster under their bed.
 One child in particular has caused every
 monster assigned to him/her to quit. You
 decide to assign yourself.
 kittenwiskers
 Case: #273402
 Status: Disastrous.
 I stare at the file and realize I have no
 options, over the last 2 years every
 monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has
 quit, every last one. Her first monster; a
 giant goldfish-faced humanoid named
 Bubba, had been with her for four years
 and then she wasn't scared of him
 anymore. After that it was a string of
 different common, uncommon, and rare
 monsters... I even assigned a sentient
 sock monster to her. He came back
 crying!
 I look on my tablet, only one assignable
 monster left; myself. Field work has never
 been my cup of tea, but desperate times
 call for desperate measures. So at 8:03
 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte
 and her little brother Daniel; I slither into
 the space beneath Charlotte's bed
 Across the room underneath Daniel's crib
 is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind
 of monster.
 I turn my attention to the bed above me,
 Charlotte is still awake but barely, I reach
 up over the bed and run an ice cold
 finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it
 gain.
 "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She
 whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can
 see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door
 somewhere in the house slams and there
 is an audible hitch of breath from above
 me. A few minutes go by I can hear
 Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There
 are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and
 loud panting breaths, Charlotte
 scrambles off the bed and...
 She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With.
 Me.
 "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me.I
 do.
 The door to the bedroom slams open and
 I smell the stench of human intoxicants
 before the man even steps inside.
 I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of
 my monsters; she's afraid of her own.
 Francis reaches a hand under the bed
 and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to
 pull, I slither out.
 "What the..." I cut Francis's next words
 off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height.
 Looming over the drunken man I caress
 my cold fingers down his face.
 "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my
 child again, I will find you, and I will do
 the same to you, for all eternity." I
 promise to him.
 As Francis runs from the room he soils
 himself.
 I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck
 her back under her covers and kiss her
 forehead goodnight. "I'll be back
 tomorrow night, sleep well darling."
 Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the
 monster under her bed.
The Monster Under the Bed
        

            
            

                
                
                    Bubba, Clock, and Crying: writing-prompt-s
 You're in charge of assigning every child
 on Earth the monster under their bed.
 One child in particular has caused every
 monster assigned to him/her to quit. You
 decide to assign yourself.
 kittenwiskers
 Case: #273402
 Status: Disastrous.
 I stare at the file and realize I have no
 options, over the last 2 years every
 monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has
 quit, every last one. Her first monster; a
 giant goldfish-faced humanoid named
 Bubba, had been with her for four years
 and then she wasn't scared of him
 anymore. After that it was a string of
 different common, uncommon, and rare
 monsters... I even assigned a sentient
 sock monster to her. He came back
 crying!
 I look on my tablet, only one assignable
 monster left; myself. Field work has never
 been my cup of tea, but desperate times
 call for desperate measures. So at 8:03
 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte
 and her little brother Daniel; I slither into
 the space beneath Charlotte's bed
 Across the room underneath Daniel's crib
 is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind
 of monster.
 I turn my attention to the bed above me,
 Charlotte is still awake but barely, I reach
 up over the bed and run an ice cold
 finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it
 gain.
 "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She
 whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can
 see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door
 somewhere in the house slams and there
 is an audible hitch of breath from above
 me. A few minutes go by I can hear
 Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There
 are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and
 loud panting breaths, Charlotte
 scrambles off the bed and...
 She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With.
 Me.
 "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me.I
 do.
 The door to the bedroom slams open and
 I smell the stench of human intoxicants
 before the man even steps inside.
 I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of
 my monsters; she's afraid of her own.
 Francis reaches a hand under the bed
 and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to
 pull, I slither out.
 "What the..." I cut Francis's next words
 off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height.
 Looming over the drunken man I caress
 my cold fingers down his face.
 "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my
 child again, I will find you, and I will do
 the same to you, for all eternity." I
 promise to him.
 As Francis runs from the room he soils
 himself.
 I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck
 her back under her covers and kiss her
 forehead goodnight. "I'll be back
 tomorrow night, sleep well darling."
 Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the
 monster under her bed.
The Monster Under the Bed
                    
                
            

            
                
                
The Monster Under the Bed

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
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        Choose One, Cute, and Elf: INKTOBER
 DUNGEONS & DRAGONS
 EDITION
 MIx & MATCH!

 MONSTERS
 HUMANOIDS
 WEEK 1: GLASSIC
 WEEK 1: GLASS
 1. DRAGON
 2. SKELETON OR ZOMBIE
 3. MIMIC
 4. OWLBEAR
 5. OOzE
 6. OGRE OR TROLL
 .MIND FLAYER
 ● FIGHTER OR BARBARIAN
 2. ROGUE
 3. BARD
 4. RANGER OR DRUID
 5. SPELLCASTER CLASS
 6. MONK
 .CLERIC OR PALADIN
 WEEK 2: CUTE
 WEEK 2: PLAYER RACE
 8. FAERIE DRAGON
 8. DWARF
 9. FLUMPH
 10. HOMUNCULOUS
 I1.MODRONE
 12. BULLYWUG
 13. PIXIE OR SPRITE
 14. PEGASUS OR UNICORN
 9. ELF/ DROW/HALF-ELF
 T0. GNOME
 11. TIEFLING
 12. ORC/HALF-ORC
 3. DRAGONBORN
 14. HALFLING
 WEEK 3: YOUR CHOICE
 WEEK 3: EXPANSION RACE
 15. ELEMENTAL
 T6. FIEND
 17. CELESTIAL
 18. GIANT
 9. UNDEAD
 20. MONSTROSITY
 21. ABERRATION
 S.GENASI
 6. AASIMAR
 17. YUAN-TI
 8.AARAKOCRA
 19. GOLIATH
 20. GITH
 21. BUGBEAR
 WEEK 4: HORRIFIC
 WEEK 4: HUMANOID
 22. BEHOLDER
 23. GRICK
 24. HOOK HORROR
 25. NOTHIC
 26. ROPER
 21GIBBERING MOUTHER
 28. STIRGE
 22.GOBLIN OR HOBGOBLIN
 23. KOBOLD
 24. THRI-KREEN
 25. KENKU
 26. GNOLL
 27. LIZARDFOLK OR MERFOLK
 28. LYCANTHROPE

 FINAL BOSS FIGHT
 PESKY OL HUMANS
 29. LICH
 30. KRAKEN
 31. TARRASQUE
 29. CULTIST OR ACOLYTE
 30. BAN DIT OR PIRATE
 31. KNIGHT OR GUARD
 CRYINGMANLYTEARS.TUMBLR.COM
cryingmanlytears:
I try to do Inktober like every year and I fail every time. I may try again and I will most certainly fail around the 13 or 14th day, but I’m still going to try and I think that’s what’s important. I was trying to find some good prompts but nothing was sticking out so I started looking for a DD one but didn’t find anything I wanted. The thing is there’s just SO MUCH content so I made this prompt myself and kept it very flexible. You can stick to one column or go week to week, choose one side or the other, or whatever you wanna do. Oh, by the way, for Week 1 of Humanoids, by ‘spellcaster class’ I mean wizard, sorcerer or warlock but that wouldn’t fit.
        

            
            

                
                
                    Choose One, Cute, and Elf: INKTOBER
 DUNGEONS & DRAGONS
 EDITION
 MIx & MATCH!

 MONSTERS
 HUMANOIDS
 WEEK 1: GLASSIC
 WEEK 1: GLASS
 1. DRAGON
 2. SKELETON OR ZOMBIE
 3. MIMIC
 4. OWLBEAR
 5. OOzE
 6. OGRE OR TROLL
 .MIND FLAYER
 ● FIGHTER OR BARBARIAN
 2. ROGUE
 3. BARD
 4. RANGER OR DRUID
 5. SPELLCASTER CLASS
 6. MONK
 .CLERIC OR PALADIN
 WEEK 2: CUTE
 WEEK 2: PLAYER RACE
 8. FAERIE DRAGON
 8. DWARF
 9. FLUMPH
 10. HOMUNCULOUS
 I1.MODRONE
 12. BULLYWUG
 13. PIXIE OR SPRITE
 14. PEGASUS OR UNICORN
 9. ELF/ DROW/HALF-ELF
 T0. GNOME
 11. TIEFLING
 12. ORC/HALF-ORC
 3. DRAGONBORN
 14. HALFLING
 WEEK 3: YOUR CHOICE
 WEEK 3: EXPANSION RACE
 15. ELEMENTAL
 T6. FIEND
 17. CELESTIAL
 18. GIANT
 9. UNDEAD
 20. MONSTROSITY
 21. ABERRATION
 S.GENASI
 6. AASIMAR
 17. YUAN-TI
 8.AARAKOCRA
 19. GOLIATH
 20. GITH
 21. BUGBEAR
 WEEK 4: HORRIFIC
 WEEK 4: HUMANOID
 22. BEHOLDER
 23. GRICK
 24. HOOK HORROR
 25. NOTHIC
 26. ROPER
 21GIBBERING MOUTHER
 28. STIRGE
 22.GOBLIN OR HOBGOBLIN
 23. KOBOLD
 24. THRI-KREEN
 25. KENKU
 26. GNOLL
 27. LIZARDFOLK OR MERFOLK
 28. LYCANTHROPE

 FINAL BOSS FIGHT
 PESKY OL HUMANS
 29. LICH
 30. KRAKEN
 31. TARRASQUE
 29. CULTIST OR ACOLYTE
 30. BAN DIT OR PIRATE
 31. KNIGHT OR GUARD
 CRYINGMANLYTEARS.TUMBLR.COM
cryingmanlytears:
I try to do Inktober like every year and I fail every time. I may try again and I will most certainly fail around the 13 or 14th day, but I’m still going to try and I think that’s what’s important. I was trying to find some good prompts but nothing was sticking out so I started looking for a DD one but didn’t find anything I wanted. The thing is there’s just SO MUCH content so I made this prompt myself and kept it very flexible. You can stick to one column or go week to week, choose one side or the other, or whatever you wanna do. Oh, by the way, for Week 1 of Humanoids, by ‘spellcaster class’ I mean wizard, sorcerer or warlock but that wouldn’t fit.
                    
                
            

            
                
                
cryingmanlytears:
I try to do Inktober like every year and I fail every time. I may try again and I will most certainly fail around the 13 o...

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
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        Animals, Ass, and Bad: Hey since I haven't been active in forever, who wants to hear a story
 about how 1 became a local cryptid in my town?
 Heck yeah!
 Yes
 Reply
 Alright lets do this
 So l live in a small neighborhood kinda thing, Its honestly shaped like
 someone connected two bongs with a straw that leads out to the street,
 so very tiny and not a lot of people drive through cause its a dead end
 and surrounded by woods Anyways, so it's Saturday morning, like 3 am
 and my sister has taken her behemoth of a dog outside
 Little background, this dog is a saint bermard, lab mix, so he big. Hes
 also amazingly stupid. He's only three and we got him a year ago so he
 still does stupid shit all the time. Anyways hes got a long lead line on
 him, probably 30 ft, so hes off doing whatever and ny sister is kinda
 dazed, still sleepy.
 Homeboy fucking TAKES OFF and runs into the woods behind y
 house, taking that lead with him and a good chunk of my sisters pal
 skin. Whatever he's chasing has speed, and hes keeping up with it. So l
 run outside cause shes screaming his name and start to take off after
 him. 1 thought that mother fucker would get caught on a tree due to the
 lead but nope was I wrong. Now the woods probably go a mile back
 before they hit road, and then stretch around s miles hotizontally
 I'm worried this dumb dog is gonna run into the street and get hit, so l
 run the mile to the street (with my very out of shape body. 1 honestly
 thought I was going to die). After like r5 minutes of tripping and trying
 to make my way through this damn jungle, I get to the street. At this
 point 1 still look a human so nothing happens, 1 dont see him anywhere,
 and 1 run back to the house cause I've realized I'm in a tank top and
 boxer shorts with no shoes and its tick season. So I change into a big ass
 sweatshirt and sweat pants and boots even though its almost oo degrees
 out because I do not want to have to deal with ticks
 After chugging some water 1 take back off, this time going horizontally
 1 caught sight of something running so l took off, yelling ny brains out
 managing to sprain my ankle and rip half my hair outta my ponytail in
 the process Around a mile downl lose sight of it so l turn and hike the
 mile back to the street just to make sure it didn't go that way
 After that I go back to my house, and then return to the spot where i
 last saw him and continue walking till Imlike 2 miles away
 So my trip so far has been
 mile to street> mile home > i mile hotizontally>t mile to street >2
 miles home> 2 ½ miles horizontally
 So I'm about ready to die. I'm covering in blood from smashing y arm
 one of my eyes has turned red cause a stick poked it, I've got a limp, I'm
 breathing like a dragon with asthma, and I'm covering in leaves and
 sticks
 I start yelling his name again and hear a bark in the distance so 1 take off
 and after like 5 minutes I spot him He is now howling like a banshee in
 distress I book it towards his dumb ass and practically tackle him,
 which ended up with me covered in a random assortment of shit. Cool,
 whatever. His leash is tied atound two trees so I unravel it and he
 pounces on me in relief. He's salivating like crazy so I take him to a
 stream near by to let him drink
 Mother fucker pulls me in. I'm too tired to be pissed. At this point now
 that I'm calming down I realize my boots are now soaking wet with
 both blood and water. I've got several scars on my thigh and they all got
 ripped open So Im gushing blood like no tomorrow.I soak my jacket in
 water and put it on this stupid dog so he wont get burnt on the way
 back and itll be a bit cooler. So now he looks even bigger then usual 1
 take my shoes off and toss then over my neck and we're about to start
 the trek back when he takes off AGAIN. This time I'm holding the leash
 and 1 do not let go. He ends up slipping on a mud bank and taking me
 with him With are now covered head to toe in nad, shit, dirt, blood
 and whatever the hell else is in those woods.
 Some how he has ended up with no major wounds, but now I have a
 rock lodged in my forehead and blood in my eyes. And my shoes are
 gone. Whatever, 1 just want to get home. 1 pick a direction and walk
 until 1 end up in the back yard of someone who lives down the street.
 Lucky for me, this person has barbed wire in their back yard on the
 ground for some reason, which I trip on Now I have barbed wire
 practically wrapped around me like some crazy fashion statement. I
 wanted to get home so bad 1 didn't even bother to rip it off. I'd do that
 So now its like 6am, so its dark, but you can still see, and its dead quiet.
 I pull my sisters dog along with me, holding his collar so he cant take
 off again. So heres me, covered in blood, mud, and barbed wire, limping
 down the street, no shoes on, with a large dog wearing a jacket, which,
 from a distance, you cant tell. Now I smell like whatever was in those
 woods, and it is a strong smell, so as I walk by any house with a dog
 outside, that dog starts barking. Eventually the quiet is replaced with
 dogs howling, barking, snarling at me. 1 eventually make it back to my
 house, but not before passing a dude getting his newspaper or whatever
 He's a good distance away from me and he hesitantly calls out asking if
 Im okay. I respond with "yeah but I've been yelling for like 3 hours
 t as ungodly rasp. He goes right the fuck back in
 l get home, get cleaned up, get the dog cleaned up, and everythings fine
 UNTIL a couple nights later my mom goes to a neighborhood meeting
 story
 Turns out, there had been a black bear in the woods near my house,
 which people had been keeping an eye out for, but instead they saw
 (what they thought) was a "humanoid figure covered in spikes dragging
 a bear covered in blood around by its neck
 For the next few weeks people were talking about how they heard
 the "hortiie screeching" and how there was blood all down the streets
 and on the trees. The dude who asked if I was okay was telling
 everybody that the "thing growled at him and he could see it had blood
 red eyes
 So now theres a rumor about a demon with razor sharp tendrils who
 feeds on wild animals by slashing them open and drinking their blood
 Rumor states that you'll hear it before you see it, and the sound it makes
 sounds like a howl and a scream People later found my boots covered in
 blood and said it was a "victim of the demon. A week later a house that
 was being built caught fire and that was blamed on me, as well as an
 accident where someone swerved to avoid something and crashed
 through a house. The stream turned blood red after some heavy rainfall.
 which was due to the mud, but also blamed on me and some mote
 for a couple nights (coyotes most
 people "spotting" the demon (which was either their imagination or the
 actual bear) the rumot grew and grew so now its famous in my
 neighborhood
 So yeah thats how 1 became a bear killing demon in my neighborhood.
 I was too embarrassed.
How to become a cryptid
        

            
            

                
                
                    Animals, Ass, and Bad: Hey since I haven't been active in forever, who wants to hear a story
 about how 1 became a local cryptid in my town?
 Heck yeah!
 Yes
 Reply
 Alright lets do this
 So l live in a small neighborhood kinda thing, Its honestly shaped like
 someone connected two bongs with a straw that leads out to the street,
 so very tiny and not a lot of people drive through cause its a dead end
 and surrounded by woods Anyways, so it's Saturday morning, like 3 am
 and my sister has taken her behemoth of a dog outside
 Little background, this dog is a saint bermard, lab mix, so he big. Hes
 also amazingly stupid. He's only three and we got him a year ago so he
 still does stupid shit all the time. Anyways hes got a long lead line on
 him, probably 30 ft, so hes off doing whatever and ny sister is kinda
 dazed, still sleepy.
 Homeboy fucking TAKES OFF and runs into the woods behind y
 house, taking that lead with him and a good chunk of my sisters pal
 skin. Whatever he's chasing has speed, and hes keeping up with it. So l
 run outside cause shes screaming his name and start to take off after
 him. 1 thought that mother fucker would get caught on a tree due to the
 lead but nope was I wrong. Now the woods probably go a mile back
 before they hit road, and then stretch around s miles hotizontally
 I'm worried this dumb dog is gonna run into the street and get hit, so l
 run the mile to the street (with my very out of shape body. 1 honestly
 thought I was going to die). After like r5 minutes of tripping and trying
 to make my way through this damn jungle, I get to the street. At this
 point 1 still look a human so nothing happens, 1 dont see him anywhere,
 and 1 run back to the house cause I've realized I'm in a tank top and
 boxer shorts with no shoes and its tick season. So I change into a big ass
 sweatshirt and sweat pants and boots even though its almost oo degrees
 out because I do not want to have to deal with ticks
 After chugging some water 1 take back off, this time going horizontally
 1 caught sight of something running so l took off, yelling ny brains out
 managing to sprain my ankle and rip half my hair outta my ponytail in
 the process Around a mile downl lose sight of it so l turn and hike the
 mile back to the street just to make sure it didn't go that way
 After that I go back to my house, and then return to the spot where i
 last saw him and continue walking till Imlike 2 miles away
 So my trip so far has been
 mile to street> mile home > i mile hotizontally>t mile to street >2
 miles home> 2 ½ miles horizontally
 So I'm about ready to die. I'm covering in blood from smashing y arm
 one of my eyes has turned red cause a stick poked it, I've got a limp, I'm
 breathing like a dragon with asthma, and I'm covering in leaves and
 sticks
 I start yelling his name again and hear a bark in the distance so 1 take off
 and after like 5 minutes I spot him He is now howling like a banshee in
 distress I book it towards his dumb ass and practically tackle him,
 which ended up with me covered in a random assortment of shit. Cool,
 whatever. His leash is tied atound two trees so I unravel it and he
 pounces on me in relief. He's salivating like crazy so I take him to a
 stream near by to let him drink
 Mother fucker pulls me in. I'm too tired to be pissed. At this point now
 that I'm calming down I realize my boots are now soaking wet with
 both blood and water. I've got several scars on my thigh and they all got
 ripped open So Im gushing blood like no tomorrow.I soak my jacket in
 water and put it on this stupid dog so he wont get burnt on the way
 back and itll be a bit cooler. So now he looks even bigger then usual 1
 take my shoes off and toss then over my neck and we're about to start
 the trek back when he takes off AGAIN. This time I'm holding the leash
 and 1 do not let go. He ends up slipping on a mud bank and taking me
 with him With are now covered head to toe in nad, shit, dirt, blood
 and whatever the hell else is in those woods.
 Some how he has ended up with no major wounds, but now I have a
 rock lodged in my forehead and blood in my eyes. And my shoes are
 gone. Whatever, 1 just want to get home. 1 pick a direction and walk
 until 1 end up in the back yard of someone who lives down the street.
 Lucky for me, this person has barbed wire in their back yard on the
 ground for some reason, which I trip on Now I have barbed wire
 practically wrapped around me like some crazy fashion statement. I
 wanted to get home so bad 1 didn't even bother to rip it off. I'd do that
 So now its like 6am, so its dark, but you can still see, and its dead quiet.
 I pull my sisters dog along with me, holding his collar so he cant take
 off again. So heres me, covered in blood, mud, and barbed wire, limping
 down the street, no shoes on, with a large dog wearing a jacket, which,
 from a distance, you cant tell. Now I smell like whatever was in those
 woods, and it is a strong smell, so as I walk by any house with a dog
 outside, that dog starts barking. Eventually the quiet is replaced with
 dogs howling, barking, snarling at me. 1 eventually make it back to my
 house, but not before passing a dude getting his newspaper or whatever
 He's a good distance away from me and he hesitantly calls out asking if
 Im okay. I respond with "yeah but I've been yelling for like 3 hours
 t as ungodly rasp. He goes right the fuck back in
 l get home, get cleaned up, get the dog cleaned up, and everythings fine
 UNTIL a couple nights later my mom goes to a neighborhood meeting
 story
 Turns out, there had been a black bear in the woods near my house,
 which people had been keeping an eye out for, but instead they saw
 (what they thought) was a "humanoid figure covered in spikes dragging
 a bear covered in blood around by its neck
 For the next few weeks people were talking about how they heard
 the "hortiie screeching" and how there was blood all down the streets
 and on the trees. The dude who asked if I was okay was telling
 everybody that the "thing growled at him and he could see it had blood
 red eyes
 So now theres a rumor about a demon with razor sharp tendrils who
 feeds on wild animals by slashing them open and drinking their blood
 Rumor states that you'll hear it before you see it, and the sound it makes
 sounds like a howl and a scream People later found my boots covered in
 blood and said it was a "victim of the demon. A week later a house that
 was being built caught fire and that was blamed on me, as well as an
 accident where someone swerved to avoid something and crashed
 through a house. The stream turned blood red after some heavy rainfall.
 which was due to the mud, but also blamed on me and some mote
 for a couple nights (coyotes most
 people "spotting" the demon (which was either their imagination or the
 actual bear) the rumot grew and grew so now its famous in my
 neighborhood
 So yeah thats how 1 became a bear killing demon in my neighborhood.
 I was too embarrassed.
How to become a cryptid
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
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        Bruh, Bye Felicia, and Friends: SHABUSHABU
<p><a href="https://witchymashedpotatoes.tumblr.com/post/158750771996/winterprophecy-shamoyakelly-coke105kine" class="tumblr_blog">witchymashedpotatoes</a>:</p>

<blockquote><p><a href="https://winterprophecy.tumblr.com/post/158669670243/shamoyakelly-coke105kine-deepcreationkid" class="tumblr_blog">winterprophecy</a>:</p><blockquote>
<p><a href="http://shamoyakelly.tumblr.com/post/157267982542/coke105kine-deepcreationkid-sixpenceee" class="tumblr_blog">shamoyakelly</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://coke105kine.tumblr.com/post/155727269235/deepcreationkid-sixpenceee-while-people-were" class="tumblr_blog">coke105kine</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://deepcreationkid.tumblr.com/post/155692157810/sixpenceee-while-people-were-celebrating-the" class="tumblr_blog">deepcreationkid</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://sixpenceee.com/post/155691899629/while-people-were-celebrating-the-beginning-of-the" class="tumblr_blog">sixpenceee</a>:</p>

<blockquote><p>While people were celebrating the beginning of the New Year, a group of friends were able to capture this video that seems to show a ghostly humanoid figure manifesting for a brief moment amongst the exploding fireworks. The person who uploaded the footage says it was captured by their friend. He even said that they didn’t notice the figure until they and their friend reviewed the video after the celebration.<b> <a href="http://www.oddityworld.net/2016/01/ghost-captured-on-video-during-new.html">(Source)</a></b><br/></p></blockquote>

<p>BRUH.</p>
</blockquote>

<p>what the actual fuck</p>
</blockquote>

<p>Fuck</p>
</blockquote>

Yooo <a class="tumblelog" href="https://tmblr.co/mydEOWAsHSBoN2gK28Wy5BQ">@witchymashedpotatoes</a>
</blockquote>
<p>byE FELICIA</p></blockquote>
        

            
            

                
                
                    Bruh, Bye Felicia, and Friends: SHABUSHABU
<p><a href="https://witchymashedpotatoes.tumblr.com/post/158750771996/winterprophecy-shamoyakelly-coke105kine" class="tumblr_blog">witchymashedpotatoes</a>:</p>

<blockquote><p><a href="https://winterprophecy.tumblr.com/post/158669670243/shamoyakelly-coke105kine-deepcreationkid" class="tumblr_blog">winterprophecy</a>:</p><blockquote>
<p><a href="http://shamoyakelly.tumblr.com/post/157267982542/coke105kine-deepcreationkid-sixpenceee" class="tumblr_blog">shamoyakelly</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://coke105kine.tumblr.com/post/155727269235/deepcreationkid-sixpenceee-while-people-were" class="tumblr_blog">coke105kine</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://deepcreationkid.tumblr.com/post/155692157810/sixpenceee-while-people-were-celebrating-the" class="tumblr_blog">deepcreationkid</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://sixpenceee.com/post/155691899629/while-people-were-celebrating-the-beginning-of-the" class="tumblr_blog">sixpenceee</a>:</p>

<blockquote><p>While people were celebrating the beginning of the New Year, a group of friends were able to capture this video that seems to show a ghostly humanoid figure manifesting for a brief moment amongst the exploding fireworks. The person who uploaded the footage says it was captured by their friend. He even said that they didn’t notice the figure until they and their friend reviewed the video after the celebration.<b> <a href="http://www.oddityworld.net/2016/01/ghost-captured-on-video-during-new.html">(Source)</a></b><br/></p></blockquote>

<p>BRUH.</p>
</blockquote>

<p>what the actual fuck</p>
</blockquote>

<p>Fuck</p>
</blockquote>

Yooo <a class="tumblelog" href="https://tmblr.co/mydEOWAsHSBoN2gK28Wy5BQ">@witchymashedpotatoes</a>
</blockquote>
<p>byE FELICIA</p></blockquote>
                    
                    

                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
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