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Florida Man, Target, and Tattoos: FLORIDA MAN Medium aberration, shapeshifter, chaotic evil Armor Class 10 Hit Points 85(15d10 3) Speed 40 ft., Swim (40ft.) CON CHA STR DEX INT WIS 17 3) 17 (-3) 17 (-3) 1 (-5) 1 (:5) 18 (-4) Condition Immunities paralyzed, poisoned, grappled, charmed, frightened, fatigued Senses Tremorsense (30ft) Languages Common, Deep Speech Challenge 5 (1,800 XP) Chaos Incarnate. When Florida Man becomes the target of a spell he rolls for an effect on the Wild Magic table Modern Cryptid Florida Man may appear as any humanoid indefinitely and can change it's appearance at will. It is not incredibly hard to spot, however, due to the deranged look in it's eyes and penchant to take on odd appearance traits (such as face and neck tattoos, unusual hair styles, and extremely poor oral hygiene). The Florida Man's true appearance is unknown, but it will collapse into 3d4 small alligators upon dying Actions Multiattack Florida Man makes two attacks each turn if it is able. Eat a Face. Melee Weapon Attack: +5 to hit, reach 5t, one target. Hit 9 (2d6 2). On a Successful Eat a Face attack, Flordia Man grapples the target Throw Something Ranged Weapon Attack: 2 to hit, reach 20ft, one target. Hit 15 (3d6 4) Florida Man will attempt to lift an unsecured object or person within 5ft. of it and throw it at a target. If a creature is thrown, they take no damage but are relocated. If no object or person is within reach, Florida Man will seperate a small aligator from its biomass and throw it monsters-and-more: dungeonmalcontent: Now updated with a few things that make it (in my mind at least) more fitting, functional, and terrifying. Legends.

monsters-and-more: dungeonmalcontent: Now updated with a few things that make it (in my mind at least) more fitting, functional, and terri...

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Bubba, Clock, and Crying: writing-prompt-s You're in charge of assigning every child on Earth the monster under their bed One child in particular has caused every monster assigned to him/her to quit. You decide to assign yourself. kittenwiskers Case: #273402 Status: Disastrous I stare at the file and realize I have no options, over the last 2 years every monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has quit, every last one. Her first monster; a giant goldfish-faced humanoid named Bubba, had been with her for four years and then she wasn't scared of him anymore. After that it was a string of different common, uncommon, and rare monsters... I even assigned a sentient sock monster to her. He came back crying I look on my tablet, only one assignable monster left; myself. Field work has never been my cup of tea, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So at 8:03 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte and her little brother Daniel; I slither into the space beneath Charlotte's bed Across the room underneath Daniel's crib is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind of monster. I turn my attention to the bed above me, Charlotte is still awake but barely, reach up over the bed and run an ice cold finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it again "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door somewhere in the house slams and there is an audible hitch of breath from above me. A few minutes go by I can hear Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and loud panting breaths, Charlotte scrambles off the bed and.. She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With Me. "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me. I The door to the bedroom slams open and I smell the stench of human intoxicants before the man even steps inside. I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of my monsters; she's afraid of her own. Francis reaches a hand under the bed and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to pull, I slither out. "What the... I cut Francis's next words off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height. Looming over the drunken man I caress my cold fingers down his face. "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my child again, I will find you, and I will do the same to you, for all eternity." I promise to him As Francis runs from the room he soils himself. I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck her back under her covers and kiss her forehead goodnight. "l'll be back tomorrow night, sleep well darling." Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the monster under her bed funny.C awesomacious: A greatly written story

awesomacious: A greatly written story

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Bubba, Clock, and Crying: writing-prompt-s You're in charge of assigning every child on Earth the monster under their bed One child in particular has caused every monster assigned to him/her to quit. You decide to assign yourself. kittenwiskers Case: #273402 Status: Disastrous I stare at the file and realize I have no options, over the last 2 years every monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has quit, every last one. Her first monster; a giant goldfish-faced humanoid named Bubba, had been with her for four years and then she wasn't scared of him anymore. After that it was a string of different common, uncommon, and rare monsters... I even assigned a sentient sock monster to her. He came back crying I look on my tablet, only one assignable monster left; myself. Field work has never been my cup of tea, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So at 8:03 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte and her little brother Daniel; I slither into the space beneath Charlotte's bed Across the room underneath Daniel's crib is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind of monster. I turn my attention to the bed above me, Charlotte is still awake but barely, reach up over the bed and run an ice cold finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it again "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door somewhere in the house slams and there is an audible hitch of breath from above me. A few minutes go by I can hear Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and loud panting breaths, Charlotte scrambles off the bed and.. She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With Me. "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me. I The door to the bedroom slams open and I smell the stench of human intoxicants before the man even steps inside. I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of my monsters; she's afraid of her own. Francis reaches a hand under the bed and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to pull, I slither out. "What the... I cut Francis's next words off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height. Looming over the drunken man I caress my cold fingers down his face. "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my child again, I will find you, and I will do the same to you, for all eternity." I promise to him As Francis runs from the room he soils himself. I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck her back under her covers and kiss her forehead goodnight. "l'll be back tomorrow night, sleep well darling." Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the monster under her bed funny.C awesomacious: A greatly written story

awesomacious: A greatly written story

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Bubba, Clock, and Crying: writing-prompt-s You're in charge of assigning every child on Earth the monster under their bed One child in particular has caused every monster assigned to him/her to quit. You decide to assign yourself. kittenwiskers Case: #273402 Status: Disastrous I stare at the file and realize I have no options, over the last 2 years every monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has quit, every last one. Her first monster; a giant goldfish-faced humanoid named Bubba, had been with her for four years and then she wasn't scared of him anymore. After that it was a string of different common, uncommon, and rare monsters... I even assigned a sentient sock monster to her. He came back crying I look on my tablet, only one assignable monster left; myself. Field work has never been my cup of tea, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So at 8:03 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte and her little brother Daniel; I slither into the space beneath Charlotte's bed Across the room underneath Daniel's crib is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind of monster. I turn my attention to the bed above me, Charlotte is still awake but barely, reach up over the bed and run an ice cold finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it again "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door somewhere in the house slams and there is an audible hitch of breath from above me. A few minutes go by I can hear Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and loud panting breaths, Charlotte scrambles off the bed and.. She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With Me. "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me. I The door to the bedroom slams open and I smell the stench of human intoxicants before the man even steps inside. I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of my monsters; she's afraid of her own. Francis reaches a hand under the bed and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to pull, I slither out. "What the... I cut Francis's next words off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height. Looming over the drunken man I caress my cold fingers down his face. "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my child again, I will find you, and I will do the same to you, for all eternity." I promise to him As Francis runs from the room he soils himself. I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck her back under her covers and kiss her forehead goodnight. "l'll be back tomorrow night, sleep well darling." Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the monster under her bed funny.C A greatly written story

A greatly written story

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Bailey Jay, Bones, and Life: S TOME OF BEASTS SKELETON, SHARKJAW orm approaches through the murky ter, but as it nears, it becomes clear that this is no living thing. It is made entirely of sharks'jaws joined together and brought to life with grim maga Made from numerous, interlocking shark's jaws, The bumanoid form approaches through wa these horrors are animated through foul magic into a large, vaguely humanoid shape. Sahuagin priests animate them to guard their sepulchers of bones These sharkjaw skeletons lie among great piles of bones, waiting to rise up and attack any uninvited souls who invade the sanctity of sahuagin holy sites. Others guard pirate treasures or ancient shipwrecks UNDEAD AUTOMATON. Being mindless, sharkjaw skeletons do nothing without orders from their creator, and they follow those instructions explicitly. A sharkjaw skeleton's creator can give it new commands as long as the skeleton s within 60 feet and can see and ear its creator. Otherwise, a arkjaw skeleton follows its last structions to the best of its ability and the exclusion of all else, though it will ays fight back if attacked. DEAD NATURE. A shroud doesn't require ood, drink, or sleep AW SKELETON ad, lawful evil s 13 (natural armor) 15 (6d10 + 12) swim 30 ft. Languages understands the languages of its creator can't speak Challenge 1 (200 XP) X CON NT bunjywunjy: ketchuplaser: bunjywunjy: armchair-factotum: young-replica: ??????? The wizard that made this knew exactly what they wanted …okay my next character is going to be one of these with Groucho Marx glasses @bunjywunjy, I got you. I was going to name them Captain Sharkjaw, but you do you. “I once killed a Owlbear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I’ll never know.” now he’s Groucho Sharks

bunjywunjy: ketchuplaser: bunjywunjy: armchair-factotum: young-replica: ??????? The wizard that made this knew exactly what they wanted ...

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Party, Fit, and Robot: Humanoid robot trying to fit in in a party (c. 2015)

Humanoid robot trying to fit in in a party (c. 2015)

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Being Alone, Facebook, and Girls: Home News Turkish Photographer Beats Up Years Old Client After Learning Bride Is 15 by Jack Alexander 33 minutes ago 2 Comments erikacpataki: likeawinterbird: vague-humanoid: anthonybourdainpartsunknown: corrective action be the change you want to see in the world His name is  Onur Albayrak! Here’s the story. Hurriyet Daily News reports that Albayrak had been hired to photograph the July 5th wedding at Turgut Özal Nature Park in the eastern Turkish province of Malatya. On the day of, when he noticed that the bride-to-be didn’t look like an adult, he asked the groom her age and learned that she was only 15. “The groom had come to my studio some two weeks ago and was alone,” Albayrak tells the Daily News. “I saw the bride for the first time at the wedding. She’s a child, and I felt her fear because she was trembling.” Albayrak then reportedly refused to continue as the wedding photographer and attempted to stop the wedding. The argument soon turned physical when the groom attacked him as he was attempting to leave, Albayrak says. The photographer ended up breaking the client’s nose in the fight, according to local reports. Albayrak confirmed the reports in a Facebook post, which has been met with widespread approval, attracting thousands of Likes and hundreds of overwhelmingly positive comments. “I wish this had never happened, but it did,” Albayrak writes. “And if you were to ask me if I’d do the same thing again, I’d say ‘yes.’ Child brides are [victims] of child abuse and no power on earth can make me photograph a child in a wedding gown.” The legal minimum age for marriage in Turkey is 18-years-old for both sexes, and child marriage is punishable by imprisonment for men who marry underage girls. Despite being outlawed, however, child marriage is still prevalent in the country and remains a controversial political issue. [Source] – go read the rest! this guy is a hero. btw - let’s remind ourselves, americans, that unlike turkey, in the US the legal minimum age for marriage is only 18 in two states. in alabama, you can be married as young as fourteen years old if you have “parental permission”. in california, you can get married under 18 if you go to counseling, have a parent with you when you apply for the marriage license, and appear before a judge. in some states, there isn’t even a specific minimum age for marriage. the minimum marriage age for girls in new hampshire is 13 years old. 48 states allow child marriage. child marriage is not an “over there” problem, it happens right here, legally. any one of us might find ourselves called upon to break somebody’s nose if we encounter something like this occurring. we also have a responsibility to support groups and laws trying to end child marriage in this country.

erikacpataki: likeawinterbird: vague-humanoid: anthonybourdainpartsunknown: corrective action be the change you want to see in the world ...

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Tumblr, Blog, and Http: biggest-gaudiest-patronuses: more fantastic human/humanoid fanart!@tardis-baby-221b submitted: Inspired by how you said you wear galaxy print and stuff

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses: more fantastic human/humanoid fanart!@tardis-baby-221b submitted: Inspired by how you said you wear galaxy pri...

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Confused, Donald Trump, and School: Andy Slavitt @ASlavitt Following It's on! 2018 ACA enrollment has begun. 80% can find plans under $75/month. Go to healthcare.gov. Spread the word. 1:05 AM -1 Nov 2017 startrekgifs: grandpa-mermaid: askawelfarecaseworker: ramblinganthropologist: solitarelee: bi-trans-alliance: outforhealth: ironlion919: ppaction: Here’s what Donald Trump doesn’t want you to know: ACA open enrollment begins TODAY! Spread the word and #GetCovered. Also, the time to enroll has been CUT IN HALF. They tried to kill off the ACA, but could only manage to damage it. *****You have until Dec. 15! Don’t delay!***** healthcare.gov GO GO GO Reminder: the deadline is December 15 I did this last year and inexplicably turned out to be eligible for Medicaid in WV, which I STILL have. Absolute and total lifechanger that’s letting me go to school instead of having to work full time.  #signal boost#i know the original tweet is dated 2017 but the enrolment dates are the same!#november 1 to december 15#i got confused and thought i was reblogging something outdated#but this goes for 2019 coverage! Copying @xfreischutz‘s tags because it was a really good point. The dates for now are the same as last year. Get out there and get you your health insurance! (Personal note: I qualified for Medicaid in Pennsylvania last year and I wasn’t expecting it. It really does help if you do it.) NOTE - the Trump administration has allowed the sale of short term and catastrophic coverage plans. DO NOT BUY THESE. THEY WILL NOT HELP YOU. THEY ARE PREDATORY. Make sure, if you qualify for ACA coverage, that you are purchasing a plan that is at least Silver tier! @vague-humanoid !! ENDS DECEMBER 15 !!

startrekgifs: grandpa-mermaid: askawelfarecaseworker: ramblinganthropologist: solitarelee: bi-trans-alliance: outforhealth: ironlion...

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Advice, Ass, and Bad: the biggest lie, i think, the intemet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny ittle twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon ike a dragon...a creature with more wealth and power than any other creature on the planet..a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign to take humanoid formwould look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard whose own father doesn't even love them and go...yeah I'd like to fuck that Counterpoint, my good man: Bragonsuck Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big Charisma stat. If I'm Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and jewels I'm not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling twink with a lyre. I would have standards. dragons are SUPER horny counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPER horny they've got better prospects than spindly little bards!lll They could be off fucking cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!ll They could be having sex with kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons, so much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who hasn't washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon's lairl I don't care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is not going to bitel When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can't at least True Polymorph to make things interesting you're right but please shut up you are actively ruining my 10 strength half-elf twink bard's sexual prospects with this post OP is right and they should say it Dragon Bf Giont Gnol Gobin Haiting Koboid Spite As we can see from this most excellent chart, dragons can and will fuck anything. Even humans do not compare. The only species that can match dragons for homy-ness is, in fact, nymphs. Therefore your twinky-ass lil bard has as good a chance as anyone. Go forth and thot your way through your DM's carefully planned Big Bad encounter and fuck the dragon. I'm not even sure where I stand on this argument but I absolutely need to keep that chart for reference, so That chart is not proof that a dragon would fuck anything and youre a charlatan for pretending it does!!! That is a crossbreeding chart not a horny chart, and it says right on it that what it is tracking is the likelyhood that a union between two races would yield offspring. It is NOT saying that a dragon WILL fuck any of those creatures, just that doing so would result in a half-dragon child If anything this just proves siderealsandman's point the dragon could have any creature or being under the sun so why the fuck would it ever settle for a shitty PC and their+1 light leather amor. What's the bard gonna say?? You should fuck me because you techically can?? That bitch getting sauteed OP IS CORRECT SORRY BUT THE TWINK BARD ISNT GETTING ANY DRAGON ASS a dragon fucked a donkey in shrek, your argument is invalid Don't bring shrek into this OH YEAH?? YOU WANNA DO THIS?? FINE CLASS TRAITS OF A BARD 1) Your spells inspire and invigorate your allies-Donkey's role in the film was to inspire and invigorate Shrek to begin his hero's quest and keep him on his path 2) You channel magical power through words and music Doney never stopped talking or singing. That was his THING 3) Key abilities: Charisma, Intelligence, Constitution- Do we even need to question this?? Charisma - he managed to convince a dragon to fuck him He gave both Fiona and Shrek the pep-talk they needed to come to terms with their feelings. Intelligence-He's COLOR BLIND and stl managed to figure out the flowers Fiona asked for. Constitution-dude you saw the shit he managed to survive in that movie CONCLUSION-SHREK IS A DND CAMPAIGN, DONKEY IS A BARD THAT SEDUCED THE DRAGON. NEVER QUESTION ME IN MY HOUSE AGAIN advice-animal: How to Fuck your Dragon
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Ass, Bad, and Beautiful: the biggest lie, i think, the intemet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny ittle twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon ike a dragon...a creature with more wealth and power than any other creature on the planet..a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign to take humanoid formwould look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard whose own father doesn't even love them and go...yeah I'd like to fuck that Counterpoint, my good man: Bragonsuck Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big Charisma stat. If I'm Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and jewels I'm not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling twink with a lyre. I would have standards. dragons are SUPER horny counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPER horny they've got better prospects than spindly little bards!lll They could be off fucking cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!ll They could be having sex with kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons, so much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who hasn't washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon's lairl I don't care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is not going to bitel When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can't at least True Polymorph to make things interesting you're right but please shut up you are actively ruining my 10 strength half-elf twink bard's sexual prospects with this post OP is right and they should say it Dragon Bf Giont Gnol Gobin Haiting Koboid Spite As we can see from this most excellent chart, dragons can and will fuck anything. Even humans do not compare. The only species that can match dragons for homy-ness is, in fact, nymphs. Therefore your twinky-ass lil bard has as good a chance as anyone. Go forth and thot your way through your DM's carefully planned Big Bad encounter and fuck the dragon. I'm not even sure where I stand on this argument but I absolutely need to keep that chart for reference, so That chart is not proof that a dragon would fuck anything and youre a charlatan for pretending it does!!! That is a crossbreeding chart not a horny chart, and it says right on it that what it is tracking is the likelyhood that a union between two races would yield offspring. It is NOT saying that a dragon WILL fuck any of those creatures, just that doing so would result in a half-dragon child If anything this just proves siderealsandman's point the dragon could have any creature or being under the sun so why the fuck would it ever settle for a shitty PC and their+1 light leather amor. What's the bard gonna say?? You should fuck me because you techically can?? That bitch getting sauteed OP IS CORRECT SORRY BUT THE TWINK BARD ISNT GETTING ANY DRAGON ASS a dragon fucked a donkey in shrek, your argument is invalid Don't bring shrek into this OH YEAH?? YOU WANNA DO THIS?? FINE CLASS TRAITS OF A BARD 1) Your spells inspire and invigorate your allies-Donkey's role in the film was to inspire and invigorate Shrek to begin his hero's quest and keep him on his path 2) You channel magical power through words and music Doney never stopped talking or singing. That was his THING 3) Key abilities: Charisma, Intelligence, Constitution- Do we even need to question this?? Charisma - he managed to convince a dragon to fuck him He gave both Fiona and Shrek the pep-talk they needed to come to terms with their feelings. Intelligence-He's COLOR BLIND and stl managed to figure out the flowers Fiona asked for. Constitution-dude you saw the shit he managed to survive in that movie CONCLUSION-SHREK IS A DND CAMPAIGN, DONKEY IS A BARD THAT SEDUCED THE DRAGON. NEVER QUESTION ME IN MY HOUSE AGAIN How to Fuck your Dragon
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Beautiful, Life, and Minecraft: bee-cowboy I hate shipwrecks in Minecraft bc they imply that there is/was some form of intelligent life in Minecraft before the player.. It's clearly not villagers bc they can't even build a village properly.. Who are these mysterious ship builders and where did they go. bee-cowboy halfaqueen It's my theory that Minecraft is post-apocalypse, most likely nuclear and the monsters where mutated by the fallout. The villagers are a new humanoid evolution trying to become the next dominant species and you are the last of the truly human survivors @halfaqueen your mind.. halfaqueern actually the more i think ab it the more beautiful and lonely the world gets. i developed this interpretation after mineshafts where added but even before that, the temples buried by sand? trapped caverns in jungles? even in other worlds, fortresses in hell itself now only guarded by skeletons? houses in the end only accessible by portal after defeating the dragon? all relics of a past race thats beern mysteriously wiped. the villagers dont know perhaps, they see you and assume your one of them. different perhaps, your nose is much to short and face much to squished, your language garbled complexities they have yet to decode, but thats fine to them. you have things they want and they have things you want. perhaps they will one day, long after you get tired of this world, uncover those past relics as well. perhaps they will recognize the stories passed down, perhaps they will lament not trying to understand you, to find the missing pieces of the race before them now entirely gone or something like that. im v tired what the fuck, carol
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Bubba, Clock, and Crying: writing-prompt-s You're in charge of assigning every child on Earth the monster under their bed. One child in particular has caused every monster assigned to him/her to quit. You decide to assign yourself. kittenwiskers Case: #273402 Status: Disastrous. I stare at the file and realize I have no options, over the last 2 years every monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has quit, every last one. Her first monster; a giant goldfish-faced humanoid named Bubba, had been with her for four years and then she wasn't scared of him anymore. After that it was a string of different common, uncommon, and rare monsters... I even assigned a sentient sock monster to her. He came back crying! I look on my tablet, only one assignable monster left; myself. Field work has never been my cup of tea, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So at 8:03 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte and her little brother Daniel; I slither into the space beneath Charlotte's bed Across the room underneath Daniel's crib is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind of monster. I turn my attention to the bed above me, Charlotte is still awake but barely, I reach up over the bed and run an ice cold finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it gain. "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door somewhere in the house slams and there is an audible hitch of breath from above me. A few minutes go by I can hear Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and loud panting breaths, Charlotte scrambles off the bed and... She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With. Me. "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me.I do. The door to the bedroom slams open and I smell the stench of human intoxicants before the man even steps inside. I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of my monsters; she's afraid of her own. Francis reaches a hand under the bed and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to pull, I slither out. "What the..." I cut Francis's next words off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height. Looming over the drunken man I caress my cold fingers down his face. "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my child again, I will find you, and I will do the same to you, for all eternity." I promise to him. As Francis runs from the room he soils himself. I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck her back under her covers and kiss her forehead goodnight. "I'll be back tomorrow night, sleep well darling." Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the monster under her bed. The Monster Under the Bed

The Monster Under the Bed

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Choose One, Cute, and Elf: INKTOBER DUNGEONS & DRAGONS EDITION MIx & MATCH! MONSTERS HUMANOIDS WEEK 1: GLASSIC WEEK 1: GLASS 1. DRAGON 2. SKELETON OR ZOMBIE 3. MIMIC 4. OWLBEAR 5. OOzE 6. OGRE OR TROLL .MIND FLAYER ● FIGHTER OR BARBARIAN 2. ROGUE 3. BARD 4. RANGER OR DRUID 5. SPELLCASTER CLASS 6. MONK .CLERIC OR PALADIN WEEK 2: CUTE WEEK 2: PLAYER RACE 8. FAERIE DRAGON 8. DWARF 9. FLUMPH 10. HOMUNCULOUS I1.MODRONE 12. BULLYWUG 13. PIXIE OR SPRITE 14. PEGASUS OR UNICORN 9. ELF/ DROW/HALF-ELF T0. GNOME 11. TIEFLING 12. ORC/HALF-ORC 3. DRAGONBORN 14. HALFLING WEEK 3: YOUR CHOICE WEEK 3: EXPANSION RACE 15. ELEMENTAL T6. FIEND 17. CELESTIAL 18. GIANT 9. UNDEAD 20. MONSTROSITY 21. ABERRATION S.GENASI 6. AASIMAR 17. YUAN-TI 8.AARAKOCRA 19. GOLIATH 20. GITH 21. BUGBEAR WEEK 4: HORRIFIC WEEK 4: HUMANOID 22. BEHOLDER 23. GRICK 24. HOOK HORROR 25. NOTHIC 26. ROPER 21GIBBERING MOUTHER 28. STIRGE 22.GOBLIN OR HOBGOBLIN 23. KOBOLD 24. THRI-KREEN 25. KENKU 26. GNOLL 27. LIZARDFOLK OR MERFOLK 28. LYCANTHROPE FINAL BOSS FIGHT PESKY OL HUMANS 29. LICH 30. KRAKEN 31. TARRASQUE 29. CULTIST OR ACOLYTE 30. BAN DIT OR PIRATE 31. KNIGHT OR GUARD CRYINGMANLYTEARS.TUMBLR.COM cryingmanlytears: I try to do Inktober like every year and I fail every time. I may try again and I will most certainly fail around the 13 or 14th day, but I’m still going to try and I think that’s what’s important. I was trying to find some good prompts but nothing was sticking out so I started looking for a DD one but didn’t find anything I wanted. The thing is there’s just SO MUCH content so I made this prompt myself and kept it very flexible. You can stick to one column or go week to week, choose one side or the other, or whatever you wanna do. Oh, by the way, for Week 1 of Humanoids, by ‘spellcaster class’ I mean wizard, sorcerer or warlock but that wouldn’t fit.

cryingmanlytears: I try to do Inktober like every year and I fail every time. I may try again and I will most certainly fail around the 13 o...

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Animals, Ass, and Bad: Hey since I haven't been active in forever, who wants to hear a story about how 1 became a local cryptid in my town? Heck yeah! Yes Reply Alright lets do this So l live in a small neighborhood kinda thing, Its honestly shaped like someone connected two bongs with a straw that leads out to the street, so very tiny and not a lot of people drive through cause its a dead end and surrounded by woods Anyways, so it's Saturday morning, like 3 am and my sister has taken her behemoth of a dog outside Little background, this dog is a saint bermard, lab mix, so he big. Hes also amazingly stupid. He's only three and we got him a year ago so he still does stupid shit all the time. Anyways hes got a long lead line on him, probably 30 ft, so hes off doing whatever and ny sister is kinda dazed, still sleepy. Homeboy fucking TAKES OFF and runs into the woods behind y house, taking that lead with him and a good chunk of my sisters pal skin. Whatever he's chasing has speed, and hes keeping up with it. So l run outside cause shes screaming his name and start to take off after him. 1 thought that mother fucker would get caught on a tree due to the lead but nope was I wrong. Now the woods probably go a mile back before they hit road, and then stretch around s miles hotizontally I'm worried this dumb dog is gonna run into the street and get hit, so l run the mile to the street (with my very out of shape body. 1 honestly thought I was going to die). After like r5 minutes of tripping and trying to make my way through this damn jungle, I get to the street. At this point 1 still look a human so nothing happens, 1 dont see him anywhere, and 1 run back to the house cause I've realized I'm in a tank top and boxer shorts with no shoes and its tick season. So I change into a big ass sweatshirt and sweat pants and boots even though its almost oo degrees out because I do not want to have to deal with ticks After chugging some water 1 take back off, this time going horizontally 1 caught sight of something running so l took off, yelling ny brains out managing to sprain my ankle and rip half my hair outta my ponytail in the process Around a mile downl lose sight of it so l turn and hike the mile back to the street just to make sure it didn't go that way After that I go back to my house, and then return to the spot where i last saw him and continue walking till Imlike 2 miles away So my trip so far has been mile to street> mile home > i mile hotizontally>t mile to street >2 miles home> 2 ½ miles horizontally So I'm about ready to die. I'm covering in blood from smashing y arm one of my eyes has turned red cause a stick poked it, I've got a limp, I'm breathing like a dragon with asthma, and I'm covering in leaves and sticks I start yelling his name again and hear a bark in the distance so 1 take off and after like 5 minutes I spot him He is now howling like a banshee in distress I book it towards his dumb ass and practically tackle him, which ended up with me covered in a random assortment of shit. Cool, whatever. His leash is tied atound two trees so I unravel it and he pounces on me in relief. He's salivating like crazy so I take him to a stream near by to let him drink Mother fucker pulls me in. I'm too tired to be pissed. At this point now that I'm calming down I realize my boots are now soaking wet with both blood and water. I've got several scars on my thigh and they all got ripped open So Im gushing blood like no tomorrow.I soak my jacket in water and put it on this stupid dog so he wont get burnt on the way back and itll be a bit cooler. So now he looks even bigger then usual 1 take my shoes off and toss then over my neck and we're about to start the trek back when he takes off AGAIN. This time I'm holding the leash and 1 do not let go. He ends up slipping on a mud bank and taking me with him With are now covered head to toe in nad, shit, dirt, blood and whatever the hell else is in those woods. Some how he has ended up with no major wounds, but now I have a rock lodged in my forehead and blood in my eyes. And my shoes are gone. Whatever, 1 just want to get home. 1 pick a direction and walk until 1 end up in the back yard of someone who lives down the street. Lucky for me, this person has barbed wire in their back yard on the ground for some reason, which I trip on Now I have barbed wire practically wrapped around me like some crazy fashion statement. I wanted to get home so bad 1 didn't even bother to rip it off. I'd do that So now its like 6am, so its dark, but you can still see, and its dead quiet. I pull my sisters dog along with me, holding his collar so he cant take off again. So heres me, covered in blood, mud, and barbed wire, limping down the street, no shoes on, with a large dog wearing a jacket, which, from a distance, you cant tell. Now I smell like whatever was in those woods, and it is a strong smell, so as I walk by any house with a dog outside, that dog starts barking. Eventually the quiet is replaced with dogs howling, barking, snarling at me. 1 eventually make it back to my house, but not before passing a dude getting his newspaper or whatever He's a good distance away from me and he hesitantly calls out asking if Im okay. I respond with "yeah but I've been yelling for like 3 hours t as ungodly rasp. He goes right the fuck back in l get home, get cleaned up, get the dog cleaned up, and everythings fine UNTIL a couple nights later my mom goes to a neighborhood meeting story Turns out, there had been a black bear in the woods near my house, which people had been keeping an eye out for, but instead they saw (what they thought) was a "humanoid figure covered in spikes dragging a bear covered in blood around by its neck For the next few weeks people were talking about how they heard the "hortiie screeching" and how there was blood all down the streets and on the trees. The dude who asked if I was okay was telling everybody that the "thing growled at him and he could see it had blood red eyes So now theres a rumor about a demon with razor sharp tendrils who feeds on wild animals by slashing them open and drinking their blood Rumor states that you'll hear it before you see it, and the sound it makes sounds like a howl and a scream People later found my boots covered in blood and said it was a "victim of the demon. A week later a house that was being built caught fire and that was blamed on me, as well as an accident where someone swerved to avoid something and crashed through a house. The stream turned blood red after some heavy rainfall. which was due to the mud, but also blamed on me and some mote for a couple nights (coyotes most people "spotting" the demon (which was either their imagination or the actual bear) the rumot grew and grew so now its famous in my neighborhood So yeah thats how 1 became a bear killing demon in my neighborhood. I was too embarrassed. How to become a cryptid
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Bruh, Bye Felicia, and Friends: SHABUSHABU <p><a href="https://witchymashedpotatoes.tumblr.com/post/158750771996/winterprophecy-shamoyakelly-coke105kine" class="tumblr_blog">witchymashedpotatoes</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="https://winterprophecy.tumblr.com/post/158669670243/shamoyakelly-coke105kine-deepcreationkid" class="tumblr_blog">winterprophecy</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a href="http://shamoyakelly.tumblr.com/post/157267982542/coke105kine-deepcreationkid-sixpenceee" class="tumblr_blog">shamoyakelly</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://coke105kine.tumblr.com/post/155727269235/deepcreationkid-sixpenceee-while-people-were" class="tumblr_blog">coke105kine</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://deepcreationkid.tumblr.com/post/155692157810/sixpenceee-while-people-were-celebrating-the" class="tumblr_blog">deepcreationkid</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://sixpenceee.com/post/155691899629/while-people-were-celebrating-the-beginning-of-the" class="tumblr_blog">sixpenceee</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>While people were celebrating the beginning of the New Year, a group of friends were able to capture this video that seems to show a ghostly humanoid figure manifesting for a brief moment amongst the exploding fireworks. The person who uploaded the footage says it was captured by their friend. He even said that they didn’t notice the figure until they and their friend reviewed the video after the celebration.<b> <a href="http://www.oddityworld.net/2016/01/ghost-captured-on-video-during-new.html">(Source)</a></b><br/></p></blockquote> <p>BRUH.</p> </blockquote> <p>what the actual fuck</p> </blockquote> <p>Fuck</p> </blockquote> Yooo <a class="tumblelog" href="https://tmblr.co/mydEOWAsHSBoN2gK28Wy5BQ">@witchymashedpotatoes</a> </blockquote> <p>byE FELICIA</p></blockquote>
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