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Ass, Fall, and Hail Mary: I almost died today. Here is the true story So Iwas derping in my backyard today, picking up dog crap. The whole time, my dog was just sitting there watching me, enjoying the sight. So I go to the small section in between my trampoline and my fence. Now if any of you haven't seen my trampoline, it is really old and there are these black foam things on the bars that used to hold up a net, but they are mostly destroyed now. So I walk in the narrow space, and I get completely covered by the hugest web I've ever felt. All over my face, all over my chest and shoulders. I freak out, but I realize that there is no worries. I see no spider, and it would have to be a big ass spider to concoct such a glorious web. Well, sure enough, in the middle of my struggle to break free, I look up, and slowly, ever so slowly, I see the huge, black-brown mass of a spider about the size of my fist crawl out of some old, decaying foam protectors. I stare at it; it stares back. I look closely for any threads connecting us, and there, glinting back at me with sunlight, is one strand of spider web, connecting the hulk spider to my face. It realizes the fact at the same time as me, and thinks, "Yes! This boy's eye sockets will make excellent breeding holes for my eggs!! and starts a full on crawling sprint towards me. I freak out, and begin to struggle even more and more to release myself from this web. It reaches the halfway mark and sees me begin to escape, so it goes for gold. The Hail Mary play. A daring leap straight for the head. Time slows down. This thing has all legs extended, blocking out the sun. A sure death for me. My left arm breaks free from the web. This could be my chance! A quick and decisive left cross reaches the spider JUST in time knocking the behemoth against the fence. It looks dazed; begins to squirm around on the ground, preparing for a counteroffensive. I don't give it a chance. I take the poop shovel in both my hands, shout a battle cry of pure victorious slaughter and smash my enemy into a crumpled pile, each strike emanating a loud crunch of the monster's body.I emerge the survivor in this battle. Thank you video games, for my improved reaction time, lest I fall victim to fate Unlike Comment Share 3 hours ago you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com epicjohndoe: This Man Should Write A Novel
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Bad, Baked, and Chicago: T-Mobile Wi-Fi 7-04 PM Erin yo erin. hate to break it to you but i'm more of a fruit guy big mango fan. hope that doesn't diminish any of my chances here Tue, Jun & 12:03AM alright, erin. I went out of my way to eat some vegetables today. figured it'd give me a reason to hit you up had kale, i almost died not a big fan, but i'm gonna keep looking until i find a vegetable will keep you posted Wed, Jun 8, 5:43 PM l put lettuce in my chipotle bowl today pretty good, but not the best. still GIF Type a message T-Moble Wi-FI :04 PM Erin Fri Jah 8, 3:44 PM saw a woman at panera today eating a salad; made me think of you Sun, Jun 10 605 PM went out for dinner last night and had a very nice thai salad, best vegetable dish i've had all weekl getting closer to finding that favorite veggie. i'll be in Fri, Jun 1,7 79 PM had late lunch at california pizza kitchen with my film partner and documentary professor-we're working on this documentary about a wrongful conviction and police corruption, in case you were wondering-and i had bbq chicken chopped salad, as well as a slice of wild mushroom pizza the salad wasn't bad. the whole concept of cold, crunchy water with dressing is, uhh, an acquired taste. i'm there T-Mobie Wi-Fi 7:04 PM Enn wasn't the biggest fan of the mushroom pizza, it was a stumble out of my comfort zone. my palate wasn't ready and it wasn't very appetizing i'm in search for a favorite vegetable and im out here eating fungus. better luck next time we'll be in touch Tue, Jun 19 725 PM hey! i went to panera today and had chicken noodle soup. that one had carrots, onion, and celery. very delish but soups are i want to be able to find a vegetable i can enjoy unadulterated. the search continues! Today 12:07 PM hey, long time no talk. hope you're doing well. i know i am. i had on my parmesan panko crusted chicken yesterday at the wedding i was shooting. it was delicious reminded me that i need more parsley in my life. i'm probably gonna make pasta aglio e olio at some point in the next week or two. thatll be really delicious and won't be short in parsley, ill be back soon with my INDER Erin sent you a new message T-Mobie Wi-FI 5:28 PM ใ‚ใ‚ฃ่ ช88% - reminded me that I need more parsley in my life. I'm probably gonna make pasta aglio e olio at some point in the next week or two. that'll be really delicious and won't be short in parsley, i-ll be back soon with m hi erin, yesterday i had a bbq chicken flatbread from panera and it was very decent. it had spinach, cilantro and fried onions which really compliment the bbq chicken and it was all held together by mozzarella and smoked gouda in a warm, freshly baked good stuff but i know i can do better! pasta aglio e olio still to come :) talk to you soon Today 8-20P HELLO!!! I AM IN CHICAGO!!! LETS EAT SOME VEGETABLES YOU DEDICATED SOUL Send Never Give Up (her bio said Tell me your favorite vegetable, so my friend pulled through)

Never Give Up (her bio said Tell me your favorite vegetable, so my friend pulled through)

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