Badeed
Badeed

Badeed

Dont Know
Dont Know

Dont Know

I Dont Even Know
I Dont Even Know

I Dont Even Know

Dont Even
Dont Even

Dont Even

Www 9Gag
Www 9Gag

Www 9Gag

me-so-happy
me-so-happy

me-so-happy

dollars
 dollars

dollars

cells
 cells

cells

kill
 kill

kill

fact
fact

fact

๐Ÿ”ฅ Popular | Latest

A Dream, Christmas, and Instagram: cacen so at the bar in which I work, there's an unofficial rule that all of our door staff must have names that start with D or rhyme with 'doorman', which has led to me be- friending a trio of six foot four men with beards called Doorman Logan, Doorman Drew, and Doorman Dan now, let me tell you now that Doorman Dan is the abso- lute love of my life. I don't care that he's a decade older than me and has a fiance. you know when someone is so extraordinary or impossible to define that they're simply referred to as 'a character? that's Doorman Dan. now, before I get into his personality, let's describe his appearance. imagine the most stereotypical Scand inavian person ever: tall, white-blond, strong-jawed. now, add a heavy South Walian accent and an orange jumper. that's Doorman Dan. since meeting him last year, I've discovered .he once had a dream that he had a tattoo that said 'shit happens' on his left arsecheek, so when he woke up he decided he had to fulfil the prophecy and got it tattooed on his arse by a bloke called Junkie Jeff at 9AM .he forgot to call his girlfriend for three months while he was in the army, and was complet unaware they had broken up until he wishe happy Christmas and she responded with what the fuck Dan .accidentally married his army buddy in Vegas for thirty-six hours .he saw someone beating up a guy for being gay, and instead of jumping in and fighting back he decided to get absolutely bollock-naked and stand in front of the homophobe until he got freaked out and ran off .he has a millionare buddy who rings him up once a month for 'mystery adventures', one of which has resulted in Doorman Dan no longer being allowed inside any John Lewis shops .he is convinced the love of his life is not his fiancee, but a man named Ned. upon being asked who Ned is, he shrugged and responded with: "TII know when I meet him. .he runs an Instagram account dedicated to his pet rabbits and refuses to let people into the bar unless they follow him his fiancee booked a wedding venue before he even proposed. "I don't even know if I'm invited, truth be told." when he caught a couple having sex in our loos, he didn't want to intrude so he just gently knocked on the door and asked if they'd like a snack . .he has created his own non-alcoholic cocktail called Doorman's Sunrise because he feels left out being the only person on the dance floor without a drink when he's patrolling the bar I could honestly write a ten-season sitcom about him cacen BIG OL UPDATE: HE GOT MARRIED LAST WEEK!!!! zohbugg I need 10 seasons and a movie about the life of Doorman Dan thecheshirecass I look forward to reading more about the loving, polyamorous relationship he and his wife develop with Ned when they finally meet. fuckveahdiomedes What's the instagram for the rabbits, op? Source: cacen 114,993 notes The adventures of doorman dan
Life, Love, and Tumblr: Note from angry neighbor (above) and appropriate Army vet response (below) uov Or have. TAko, a . cour You look HANรจicu Stup beis ASer OHFILE Dear Passive Aggressive Douche, First and foremost: In the state of Texas, if a vehicle has DISABLED VETERAN license plates that vehicle is not required, BY LAW, to have a handicapped placard displayed, nor a handicapped emblem on the license plate, UNLESS that vehicle is parked on FEDERAL property. If you had bothered to spend 30 seconds and pull the minlature computer out of your pocket to research this then you would have never needed to leave me this offensive note. Considering that you took a picture of my license plate you should have been able to very clearly see the writing at the bottom that says: DISABLED VETERAN U.S. ARMED FORCES Butpobably just let your emotions gethe best of you and felt like being a social justice hero. Secondly: Although I may not "look handicapped to you, I can assure you that the amount of pain I feel in my lower body from walking due to combat sustained injuries far supersedes any level of pain you have ever felt in your entire life. Or maybe not....Who am I to say? After all, I don't even know who you are. By the way, I would love to hear what your idea of a handicapped person "looks like. Asshole Lastly You may have noticed there is a photocopy of the note you left attached to my response. I kept the original. I think I'm going to frame it so 1 can look at it every day as to remind myself of what kind of person to NOT be Sincerely The guy who doesn't look handicapped srsfunny:Angry Neighbor Vs. Army Vet
Af, Ass, and Cute: Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties So, my stepson has a girl upstairs in his room that stayed the night and my wife doesn't know yet. I'm curious on how he plans to smuggle her out now that the whole family is awake... ...and now we wait Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties People asking for updates: she's still here, the wife has gone into full Saturday house cleaning mode. Stil hasn't noticed the cute white shoes by the door. This could be his chance while she's distracted. Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties 11:00am central standard time... My wife (amazing wife) cleaning so hard core she doesn't even notice me standing behind her to take this pic... Music cranked all the way. Now's the chance. will he see the opportunity?? Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties 1d I think they might be waiting it out. The wife usually lays down and reads after lunch, especially after cleaning her ass off all morning. Could he be waiting for that?? Can she hold her pee another hour or so?? I have no idea what they thinking up there 940 t532 8,957 Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties 1d I'm afraid this thread isn't going to live up to the hype. You know, like a Ben Affleck Miramax movie 'm waiting just like the rest of you 921 ใƒญ470 ใ…‡8,240.1, Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties 1d OMG OMG OHHHH MY GAWDDDDDDD SHE CAME DOWN TO USE THE BATHROOM! IT'S ONE OF HIS CLOSEST FRIENDS! See. Mom might believe it's just a friendly sleepover, she was lucky enough to sleep through the fuck fest above our heads at 4am Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties 1d I don't even know if the wife saw her come downstairs to use the bathroom. She's said nothing and it's not like I can ask... Yet 2451 ใ…‡7,508 Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties 1d I don't even know if the wife saw her come downstairs to use the bathroom. She's said nothing and it's not like I can ask... Yet t2451 7,508 Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties 1d Omg this kid!! NONCHALANT AF he casually strolls downstairs... AND grabbed those shoes and went back upstairs. Side eyeing me the whole way past. I shot him a little wink. They gonna hit that side door. bet. Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties And closure... Sure enough, hit the side door and they gone. I don't know about you but need a drink after that suspense. Thanks for following along! That was amazing A story worth of a short film
Crying, Head, and Kkk: It's just a tattoo," he says, when the silence goes on so long that we have nearly fallen over the edge of it into a pit of black nothingness. "It's not as if I came home and said I'd got someone pregnant. It seems to me, unhinged by shock, that this might have been the better option. His father says, "Where?" "On my arm," he says, and touches his bicep through his shirt. His lovely shoulder. For three days, I can't speak to my son. I can hardly bear to look at him. I decide this is rational. The last thing we need, I think, is an explosion of white-hot words that In any case, I'm not even sure what it is I want to say. In my mind's eye I stand there, a bitter old woman with pursed lips wringing my black-gloved hands. He's done the one thing that I've said for years, please d upset me if you did this. And now it's happened. So there's nothing left to say everyone carries around for the rest of their lives, e ngraved on their hearts. on't do this. It would really So I cry instead. I have a lump in my throat that stops me from eating. I feel as if someone has died. I keep thinking of his skin, his precious skin, inked like a pig carcasS My husband asks, "Have you seen it yet?" I shake my head. Like a child, I am hoping that if I keep my eyes tightly shut the whole thing will disappear It's his body," he says gently. "His choice. But what if he wants to be a lawyer? A lawyer? "Or an accountant." He'll be wearing a suit. No one will ever know. And he doesn't want to be a I know. I know tifalockharts this article about some woman's 21 y/o son coming home from school w/ a tattoo is THE funniest thing i have seen today tifalockharts On day three, still in a fog of misery, I say to him, "Shall we talk?" We sit down with cups of coffee. I open my mouth to speak and end up crying instead. I say, "You couldn't have done anything to hurt me more." job I don't even want. I say, "But you're not. You're different. I will never look at you in the same way again. It's a visceral feeling. Maybe because I'm your mother All those years of looking after your body-taking you to the dentist and making you drink milk and worrying about green leafy vegetables and sunscreen and cancer from mobile phones. And then you let some stranger inject ink under your skin. To me, it seems like self-mutilation. If you'd lost your arm in a car accident, I would have understood. I would have done everything to make you feel better But this -this is desecration. And I hate it." 'M SHRIEKING regretityet You guys. gutmeats The stars are not wanted now: put out every one; pack up the moon and dismantle the sun. What the fuck mustlearntoadult SOMEONE LINK THE ARTICLE wepon a classi doctorangelpenguin As I was reading this I kept waiting for the tattoo to be revealed as like a nazi symbol or some racist shit like for the kkk of something but nope..... She was just THAT hurt by ink lilaccoloursplash You left out the BEST part-stand, a lone tyrannosaurus, bellowing at a world i don't understand." spontaneoustornadoes This woman's writing skills holy fuck Source: elsas #give them to me #that stars moon sun quote? raw as F U C K 49,991 notes I thought it was satire. It wasnt.