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Cute, Love, and Tumblr: THAT HAS A HEART sruthi9018: endlesshero1122: cute-aesthetics-things: In memory of Tony Stark “I LOVE YOU 3000″ = YOU CAN GET ONE HERE = I WANT IT!!!! I NEED IT!!

sruthi9018: endlesshero1122: cute-aesthetics-things: In memory of Tony Stark “I LOVE YOU 3000″ = YOU CAN GET ONE HERE = I WANT IT!!!! ...

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Alive, Beard, and Children: feniczoroark: minority-cubed: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. oh my god these are great fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates I can feel the frustration
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Cars, Dank, and Life: I need this in my life Most new cars have HID LED headlights so do this before leaving home by Soldier-2Point0 MORE MEMES

Most new cars have HID LED headlights so do this before leaving home by Soldier-2Point0 MORE MEMES

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Africa, Bitch, and Cats: Nassim B. 4 months ago I had a cat that used to sleep with me, and once she had given birth to 4 kittens, she brought them to me at night to bed, so I got scared to smash them by accident and went to sleep downstairs in the living room, after 10 mins she comes to sleep with me, then goes upstairs and bring her kittens one by one. can we call that trust? Reply 5201 nitethekitten: flowercrownsnstuff: awanderingpig: claricechiarasorcha: meggannn: how can ppl say cats are heartless tbh I once stayed at a game reserve in South Africa, and they had three cheetahs – two males and one female. The boys stuck together (they were brothers), but female cheetahs are solitary, save for when they are raising cubs. Which is hard work for cheetahs, because they don’t/can’t den, she’s working constantly to protect/move her cubs, as well as feeding both them and herself. Now, these cheetahs ARE in a private reserve, but they’re still essentially wild. But they are more or less accustomed to the presence of people. And this cheetah, Ketswiri, got very badly injured in her leg one time, which usually would be fatal to a cheetah. The staff at the reserve helped her. Another time, she was starving, and they provided her a fresh antelope carcass. And she remembered this, because the science officer was telling us how one time he was watching Ketswiri and her cubs, and she wandered over and dumped all her cubs at his feet, and walked off. Like “watch my kids, I need some me time.” And he was panicking like COME BACK I CAN’T BABYSIT YOUR KIDS WTF Half of the comments are about cats giving birth on top of or next to their owners and I’m not crying at all it’s so funny though because domesticated cats are aggressively social in raising their young so basically op’s cat was like bitch these are your kids too, where tf you think you’re going??? A long time ago there was a stray cat that visited us pretty often. She kinda became our cat. She got pregnant, and gave birth in a little hole under our AC unit outside. One night it started pouring down rain. Me and my parents were kinda worried because we were sure that their little den would flood. So we pulled back the blinds to our sliding glass door. Low and behold there’s mama cat, sitting on our patio and staring up at us, desperation in her eyes. She meowed at us and when we went out she led us to her babies. We were right- their nest had started flooding. We pulled them out and brought them inside, and mama seemed so relieved and happy. I think about this a lot when people say cats are stupid, or heartless. She knew to come to us for help. She knew we would help her. Even if we hadn’t went to look I’m sure she would have screamed at the door loud enough for us to know something was wrong. Cats are amazing, wonderful creatures.
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