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Ass, Bad, and Crime: wait, you're jewish? i wanna die so bad right now -waaaaay too tall -blood is 3% soda -literally murders innocents and is still widely considered a "smol bean" -good relationship with their mom -hobbies range from making origami to plotting to blow up the moon -really their height is just unreasonable and very intimidating i heard you've been saying some shit grandparents live in korea -little ball of anger -uses napalm as moisturiser -no one is sure if they're actually racist or not thinks they can speak german -lists "kicking inanimate objects" as a hobby got sold fake cocaine once about me on your blog -damaged -iterally no one can bring themselves to like -communicates only in grunts -writes terrible fiction -goes out of their way to upset others -trying desperately to hide the gay (failing) -says shit like "adios" (doesn't speak spanish -leaves agressive voicemails -used to be emo -gets drunk and stabs inanimate objects -has an alien girlfriends and also 700 alter egos -is 103% sure that the world is out to get them way too many Ns little miss finland turns to camera in shock ADAM supreme gentleman -absolutely deplorable shoves an american flag up their ass most mornings takes selfies everywhere -everywhere i said loves their pets -finds depressive thinking arousing horrible handwriting tries. fails. -wants to be Wait, You're Jewish? but can't does rude shit but no one can stay -uses air quotes to patronise others -"feminism is stupid" -can't get laid -has probably had lip injections. and ego injections. "why do girls always go for douchebags" -wears sunglasses indoors. at night. in december. after the last star in the galaxy has burned out. mad at them -all gods are fictional except for themselfays gets asked for I.D. -makes fun of soccer moms but doesn't act hasn't taken a flattering photo in 7 -says weird shit 97% of the time -wears t-shirts with edgy slogans -has v few friends but the friendships they clasifies self as a "cool kid" will not get a haircut hasn't slept ever do have a frighteningly intense 56 brennan's burger bundies gets what they want because they are-worships satan -known as the zodiac killer -takes off their glasses and becomes ets morbid sense of humour that occasionally gets them in trouble wants to have you (over) for dinner behaves drunk while sober and also while drunk. -vastly overestimates their ability to get away with things -does absolutely nothing in a group project and no one gets mad -dog person -has brushed their teeth less than 7 times since birth probably borrowed their cheekbones off a meth addict -greasy grease on top of their grease jeffreysdrunk: luvoxxx: Okeeey so I don’t usually post stuff but a friend of mine asked me to make a true crime tag yourself and I thought tumblr might appreciate it. I have no idea why there’s like 400 typos in it I swear English is my first language wtf. Anyway it’s just a meme it’s not meant to be disrespectful or gross or anything please enjoy my completely unfunny sense of humour. (Also I blatantly stole the d a m a g e d thing from another tag yourself I apologise) I’m grandparents live in Korea and Dahmer lol Way too many Ns *turns to camera in shock* Adam
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Complex, Fire, and Friends: 23 EMOTIONS PEOPLE FEEL, BUT CAN'T EXPLAIN tai-korczak: 1. Sonder: The realization that each passerby has a life as vivid 2. Opia: The ambiguous intensity of Looking someone in the eye 3. Monachopsis: The subtle but persistent feeling of being out of 4. Énouement: The bittersweetness of having arrived in the and complex as your own which can feel simultaneously invasive and vulnerable place future, seeing how things turn out, but not being able to tell your past self 5. Vellichor: The strange wistfulness of used bookshops 6. Rubatosis: The unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat 7. Kenopsia: The eerie, forlorn atmosphere of a place that is usually bustling with people but is now abandoned and quiet. away, even close friends who you really like out in your head thunderstorm amazing when thousands of identical photos already exist. nobody is listening history will turn out violence plane crash, or to lose everything in a fire experience because people are unable to relate to it 8. Mauerbauertraurigkeit: The inexplicable urge to push people 9. Jouska: A hypothetical conversation that you compulsively play 10. Chrysalism: The amniotic tranquility of being indoors during a 11. Vemödalen: The frustration of photographic something 12. Anecdoche: A conversation in which everyone is talking, but 13. Ellipsism: A sadness that you'l never be able to know how 14. Kuebiko: A state of exhaustion inspired by acts of senseless 15. Lachesism: The desire to be struck by disaster - to survive a 16. Exulansis: The tendency to give up trying to talk about arn 17. Adronitis: Frustration with how long it takes to get to know 18. Rūckkehrunruhe: The feeling of returning home after an someone immersive trip only to find it fading rapidly from your awareness 19. Nodus Tollens: The realization that the plot of your life doesn't 20. Onism: The frustration of being stuck in just one body, that 21. Liberosis: The desire to care less about things make sense to you anymore inhabits only one place at a time 22. Altschmerz: Weariness with the same old issues that you've always had - the same boring flaws and anxieties that you've been gnawing on for years 23. Occhiolism: The awareness of the smallness of your perspective
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9/11, America, and Children: The Turkey Story So it's 2001, and my family drives from fu California and like three blizzards to get to Ohio for into a nursing home and it's their last holiday in that house. So its a bit bittersweet but ultimately a good thing. Since it's their last holiday there, the family pulls out all the stops when it comes to dinner, all the Russian desserts come out, as does the Lethal Bacon Mashed Potatoes and the horrible candied yams with the mini marshmallows dish because not all expressions of love are even if they are si In the spirit of going alout, Uncle Bobby smokes a Turkey Uncle Bobby started cooking as a boy foil-wrapped potatoes into a campfire and has been ad- dicted since, and now has a hand-made smokehouse in the backyard where he makes various cured meats and other delights. He seasons the turkey in the traditional manner, but he and grandpa have a shared passion for SO Game Hen seasoned that way, for them. Then Bobby has a Brilliant Idea. He realizes that he can stuff the turkey (once it has been smoked) with regular stuffing, and there is still plenty of room for him to put the game hen inside THAT, and stuff the game hen be- cuase why not? He confers with Mom, and she explains how to cut open the turkey so there's dramatic reveal as the stuffing and game hen come out. It's Genius. Except, of course, that my Aunt Sue is attending, Uncle Cliff s after her So the day of the dinner, tensions are running a bit high, between the marathon cooking, the kids al being trapped indoors due to aforementioned blizzards, and Uncle Cliff deciding that the best way to amuse himself is by hiding from the adults in the basement, getting drunk and rambling about how various ethic groups were destroying America. Being that I had close Muslim friends that were leaving the country becuase of 9/11, 1 was near tears from this nonsense and ready to n roughly five times my size. Sue, for some reason, keeps coming down and defending him, or telling us we're rotten children for 'attacking him, becuase she Must Stand By Her Man, even if her man is a hefty bag of dog feces with an ugly mustache My sister eventually boits upstairs to tattle and my grandfather limps down to the basement and brandishes his Hip Bone Cane, hands rock-steady in spite of the Parkinson's slowly taking over him. Firstly Cliff, It may not be my roof much longer but while you are under it you will be civil, or Ill beat your skull in. Also, dinner's ready, everyone go wash up. We go upstairs and sit down, and do the traditional "Name one thing you're thankful for as the bread gets passed around the table, and things calm down a bit. Bobby brings out the Turkey and everyone goes OOH becuase it's really pretty, them Mom carves it open so that the stuffing spills out dramatically along with the game hen and there's an appreciative gasp all around becuase it looks cool. Only Sue KEEPS gasping, in utter horror, before getting up and clasping her hands to her face ala Edvard Munch and shrieks OH MY GOD IT WAS PREGNANTI We all stare at Sue. We all look back at the fully-dressed-cooked-and-stuffed birds that in no way had any internal organs in them or ever gave live birth Then we all looked back at Sue, trying to figure out where to begin but since shed been trying to justify Cliffs behavior she was pretty much free-associating conspiracies and scandals now, and just kept going. IT WAS PREGNANT MY GOD WE'VE COMMITTED AN ABORTION WE'RE ALL GOING TO HELL FOR THIS, I'M SO SORRY JESUS She goes into full pearl-clutching gibbering horror at this point and falls back into her chair like it's a Victorian fainting couch only it's a shitty chair from the Eisenhower administration so it collapses and she slams into the floor, sobbing and kicking her feet like a toddler Everyone watched for a moment before my Mom sighs heavily and starts carving and serving the turkey while my grandmother mouths she's not coming back Cliff, reactions delayed by about six beers, finally notices his wife is on the floor and tries to pick her up, are assisted by Dad, who is saintly patient man and less immune to this jacknapery at that point. I am stuffing dinner rolls into my face to keep from laughing at this grand spectacle ICANT EAT IT, I REFUSE TO PARTAKE IN THIS BARBARISM Sue begins but Dad puts on his best Kindly Father voice (he was heavily involved with the catholic church and even considered becoming a priest before getting drafted but that's another story)and assures Sue that she need not eat, or even be in the room if she wants. She nods, placated by being the center of attention again, and Dad goes in for the kill. I wouldn't want you to go hungry. Can I make you some That would be lovely." Said Sue, joke flying over her ng 747. I recall watching my grandmot her nearly choke to death on the green beans over that, and everyone pointedly trying to avoid talking about anything poultry-related while Sue sat there and ate the most ironic scrambled eggs in the history of mankind. Shortly thereafter, Cliff threw up in the sink and they went home, and the party got underway properly, with Grandpa raising a toast to Mom and Uncle Bobby For t Turkey has been an staple since then. I'll see if I can hit Uncle Bobby up for instructions but if you decide to make it 1. you HAVE to shriek "OH MY GOD IT WAS PREGNANT when you carve it open, or it's not authentic and won't taste as good 2. Share the pictures with me, Very planned Parenthood
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Celtic, Grandma, and Queen Elizabeth: siniristiriita siniristiriita Stuff my chemistry teacher has started telling us about because he got distracted 1. The role of building pyramids on the maintenance of the cultural stability of ancient Egypt 2. The exact way that a molotov cocktail works against a tank 3. How a number of different modernly extinct or preventable illnesses affected European culture at their time (multiple occasions) 4. The evolutionary explanation as to why middle-european alcohol culture differs from eastern-european one 5. How climate zones work 6. How the camera was invented 7. Stories relating to wars fought in Europe between the 15th and 21st centuries (multiple occasions) 8. How allergies are born, and why they happen 9. Horoscopes and the differences between astrology and astronomy 10. Astrophysics (multiple occasions) 11. The arabic alphabet 12. The invention of milk chocolate 13. How the man who founded the LIDL supermarket chain used to be his grandmother's subtenant 14. Greek, anglo-saxon and egyptian mythology (multiple occasions) 15. The multiverse theory, and how technically speaking we might never meet aliens because we do not exist to them 16. How counting with your fingers affects the structure of math 17. The private lives of the Nobel brothers (multiple occasions) 18. The inherently catholic roots of the flag of the European Union, and general history of catholic iconography 19. How so many celtic traditions have found their way to Finland 20. All the places he has seen whale meat 21. How queen Victoria and queen Elizabeth respectively rose to power 22. The effects of hallucinogens on ancient religions (multiple occasions) 23. How women's shorter skirts and men ceasing to spit on floors indoors helped to stop the rampant spread of tuberculosis (related to #3 but he went on for 30 minutes about this one) 24. The Westermarck-effect and why it didn't apply to Egyptian pharaohs 25. The moonshine business his grandma used to run in the 40s 26. The effects of meat-eating on the human brain These are all from four weeks of classes in basic chem, where we are supposed to be learning how to read the periodic table and stuff 81 notes Chemistry

Chemistry

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Apple, Beard, and Beautiful: 62,681 do all Americans have pet eagles? Yes I remember my first eagle ceremony when I turned nine. The first eagle you get is always declawed, which I always thought was pretty inhumane, but it was a good way to ease into caring for the birds. My eagle (named Baldy, because I wasnt a terribly clever child) was already quite old when I received him (he was a rescue eagle, luckily) but I did have him until I was 16. I don't know if I was more excited about getting my drivers license that year or my new eagle! You should have seen the party we had when I got him, too! Grilled hot dogs and fire works and lemonade... obviously I named my beautiful new eagle Freedom. He's too big to keep inside anymore, unfortunatey but we've got a pretty comfortable roost for him on our apartment's balcony Ah, yes, the eagle ceremony! My Justice and I remember his quite well. (They had just come out with telepathic link transplants when I got him, which is how I know he remembers it.) Our celebration was quite modest, compared to Freedom's-apple pie under a cloudless summer sky as we signed our Declaration of Interdependence. I still have the inked and talon-plerced document hanging on my wall. what is this Get out Canada I was so scared during my pet eagle ceremony I almost threw up. But Stonewall Jackson and I have been best friends ever since. My dad and grandfather built a really massive roost behind the house for my eagle and my sisters' eagles. Stonewall always waits for me when I get home from class since schools are getting so over protective and strict these days and won't allow eagles indoors. Which just goes to show how much we're bubble wrapping kids today. Back in the day, if you couldn't handle a few stitches because you pissed off the wrong kid's eagle you had to just man up and learn your lesson! Ooo, I never miss a chance to tell this story! I had a rather unusual first eagle ceremony. The traditional giant American flag that you wave around to summon your eagle had been severely damaged the week prior (a ceremony that had not gone according to plan, but the child only suffered minor talon wounds. The flag took the brunt of the attack). Anyway, I couldn't use the normal flag so we had to search ALL OVER for one suitable for eagle summoning. Unfortunately the stripes weren't the correct shade of patriotic red so everyone was worried an eagle wouldn't show up at all. I had to stand in the middle of that wheat field, the wind creating amber waves out of it, shaking that flag in the air for over three hours. Everyone was just about to give up when suddenly Patriot appeared out of nowhere! He came to me so quickly it was like he was apologizing for being late. And we've been together ever since. Some people think it's excessive to have two eagles. But what can I say, I'm a two eagles kind of guy. Well, I can say, "You must be a terrorist to call me out over my excesses," but I digress. We don't have many open fields around here, so I got Liberty by waving my flag atop a decommissioned WWll aircraft carrier. I was kicking a couple of boxes of tea into the harbor for good measure, and there she was. I loved her so much I repeated the process a year later and got young Colbert here. It's hard work, raising two eagles, but I have two shoulders, after all. Besides, I know that the secret to happy and healthy eagles is plenty of Bud Light. Oh man, the eagle ceremony. I was a weird fucking kid, okay, so l was totally sure that the eagle ceremony wasn't just going to net me my eagle and deepen the mystical bond between a citizen and their country, I thought I was going to get to turn into an eagle too. So me and my mom and my dad and my little brother are all standing in the old civil war battleground, surrounded by the ghosts of our fallen soldiers, and all and the problem here- it's not usually a problem because I make sure to shave my beard off twice a day, three times on sundays- was that I am, actually, born on the fourth of July. So it wasn't just one eagle that showed up, it was pretty much every big old patriotic warbird in Missouri, all flapping around confused and pissed off, their innate senses of direction completely fucked up by the way firecracker babies warp America's natural system of ley lines. And I was six, so grabbed the flag and ran with it over my shoulders, rippling in the wind, thinking it was going to turn into wings for me and I would go be an eagle with all the other eagles. Instead I just got mobbed by a freaked-out mess of nationalistic avians who all weighed more than I did. I lost half my nose and my whole left arm and spent most of fourth grade in reconstructive surgery getting machine guns welded on to the shattered remains of my ulna. Completely missed my little brother's eagle ceremony, which I wil always regret, but it was all worth it to have met Columbia. I never did turn into an eagle on the outside, but I like to think those long hours in the hospital, feeding her rubbing alcohol and my own blood, have made me an eagle in my heart. you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com srsfunny: Do All Americans Really Have Pet Eagles?
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Definitely, Gif, and Omg: did you know? There are pencils that turn into plants when you're done using them Their erasers are replaced with seed capsules, allowing you to stick them into soil and sprout yourself a new plant once they're too short to write with. PHOTO: SPROUTWORLD DIDYOUKNOWBLOG.COM <p><a href="https://artwitchpath.tumblr.com/post/172446039386/mortwitch-skrata-did-you-kno-there-are" class="tumblr_blog">artwitchpath</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://mortwitch.tumblr.com/post/142372313974">mortwitch</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://skrata.tumblr.com/post/142370742164">skrata</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://did-you-kno.tumblr.com/post/142364731926">did-you-kno</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>There are pencils that turn into plants when you’re done using them. </p> <figure data-orig-width="830" data-orig-height="307" class="tmblr-full"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/9422dd00f85fabf8bc15a1c6d2fa0a11/tumblr_inline_o54g86Djlq1sjh1ps_540.jpg" alt="image" data-orig-width="830" data-orig-height="307"/></figure><p> The ‘Sprout Pencil’ is the first sustainable pencil in the world that can be planted after use. <br/></p> <figure data-orig-width="724" data-orig-height="435" class="tmblr-full"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/02770cdf0e34442e5af40551da915b22/tumblr_inline_o54ha5iiXl1sjh1ps_540.png" alt="image" data-orig-width="724" data-orig-height="435"/></figure><p><i>“We have chosen the seeds for our pencils with great care, and they germinate quickly: i.e. within 1-3 weeks, depending on the seed variety. Most plants can be grown both indoors and outdoors.” </i><br/></p> <figure data-orig-width="456" data-orig-height="344"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/fc5b993db4c099676010a789e49b4e8d/tumblr_inline_o54g8oA5hk1sjh1ps_500.gif" alt="image" data-orig-width="256" data-orig-height="144"/></figure><p>It’s made of natural materials: the body is cedar wood, and the “lead” is a mixture of clay and graphite.</p> <figure data-orig-width="849" data-orig-height="399" class="tmblr-full"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/15a500e9eedd2e2e5da2a8fe6680241c/tumblr_inline_o54gb4xp0K1sjh1ps_540.png" alt="image" data-orig-width="849" data-orig-height="399"/></figure><p>Sprout pencils are available in 22 varieties, including sunflower, mint, lavender, sage, forget-me-not, cherry tomato, sweet pea, cilantro, and wild strawberry.</p> <figure data-orig-width="529" data-orig-height="321" class="tmblr-full"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/54d31c74795a1ea5ec04bf2272f3c096/tumblr_inline_o54g9hFUYv1sjh1ps_540.jpg" alt="image" data-orig-width="529" data-orig-height="321"/></figure><p><b>What to do</b><br/></p> <p><i>“When the Sprout Pencil has become too short to write with, it is ready to be planted. Follow the simple instructions below and see your Sprout pencil sprout.”</i></p> <figure data-orig-width="815" data-orig-height="1187" class="tmblr-full"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/c81aa37305cbe2d889ed7dade411bf9d/tumblr_inline_o54g9ymIXA1sjh1ps_540.png" alt="image" data-orig-width="815" data-orig-height="1187"/></figure><p>They are also available in the colored pencil variety, which makes me oh-so-happy! <br/></p> <figure data-orig-width="1030" data-orig-height="400" class="tmblr-full"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/4785142e053889de186a1590a0282822/tumblr_inline_o54g94zx3O1sjh1ps_540.jpg" alt="image" data-orig-width="1030" data-orig-height="400"/></figure><p><a href="http://www.iflscience.com/environment/these-pencils-can-grow-plants-if-you-place-them-pot">Source</a></p> </blockquote> <p>I’m almost positive there’s a spell use for these. Someone more clever will probably think of it.</p> </blockquote> <p>Art witches could use these herbs omggg. Drawing protective sigils with the basil or rosemary one omggggggggggggggg. </p> </blockquote> <p>OMG! Best thing I’ve seen in forever. I’m definitely getting some of these!!</p> </blockquote>

artwitchpath: mortwitch: skrata: did-you-kno: There are pencils that turn into plants when you’re done using them.  The ‘Sprout Pencil...

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Club, Family, and Fashion: <p><a href="http://droosy.tumblr.com/post/115804856349/for-your-original-characters-or-your-fictional" class="tumblr_blog" target="_blank">droosy</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><i>For your original characters or your fictional favorites!</i></p> <p><b>1. </b>Everyday/casual/what they wear the most</p> <p><b>2. </b>Formal/black tie</p> <p><b>3. </b>Swimwear (ALT: on vacation)</p> <p><b>4. </b>Underwear (ALT: in a <a href="http://www.idealaunch.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/snuggie.jpg" target="_blank">Snuggie</a> or sweats)</p> <p><b>5. </b>Sportswear/exercise gear (ALT: trying to look tough)</p> <p><b>6. </b>Pajamas/sleepwear</p> <p><b>7.</b> At work/school (ALT: forced to attend a boring semi-formal event—graduation, family reunion, religious service, wedding, etc.)</p> <p><b>8. </b>Spring</p> <p><b>9. </b>Autumn</p> <p><b>10. </b>In very cold weather</p> <p><b>11. </b>In very hot weather</p> <p><b>12. </b>Rainy day (outdoors or indoors, your call)</p> <p><b>13. </b>Having a relaxing, lazy Sunday at home</p> <p><b>14.</b> Out in public but too tired to even try (or otherwise disheveled)</p> <p><b>15. </b>What they wear when they’re feeling confident/want to feel confident</p> <p><b>16. </b>On a date (ALT: at a restaurant/diner or enjoying a nice solitary walk/bike ride)</p> <p><b>17. </b>At a party or club (ALT: street fashion)</p> <p><b>18. </b>A favorite/prized item or outfit that they might reserve for certain occasions</p> <p><b>19. </b>What they wore as a kid/teenager (ALT: an item or outfit they love that everyone else thinks is ugly/unflattering)</p> <p><b>20. </b>In something another character made them wear (ALT: a personal item they are embarrassed to love)</p> <p><b>21. </b>Something from your wardrobe that they’d be most likely to wear (ALT: in something they would never wear in a million years and totally rocking it)</p> <p><b>22. </b>Something (esp. out of character) that would make you laugh if you saw them wear it—e.g. a goofy t-shirt, something you saw on TV, rollerskates, etc.</p> <p><b>23. </b>Incognito</p> <p><b>24. </b>Ugly sweater/thrift/vintage</p> <p><b>25. </b>Costume/cosplay (ALT: what they’d wear in a fictional universe of your choosing—e.g. in Middle Earth, as a Crystal Gem, as a Pokémon trainer, aboard Serenity, etc.)</p> <p><b>26. </b>Retro/period costume (ALT: the  future or, if applicable, what they’d look like in contemporary society/our universe)</p> <p><b>27. </b>Subculture of your choice</p> <p><b>28. </b>In a ridiculously luxurious/regal ensemble (if they already dress ostentatiously, give them a makeunder)</p> <p><b>29. </b>Palette swap! Use a color scheme they wouldn’t normally wear—e.g. pastels if they usually wear all black, neons if they’re otherwise into neutrals</p> <p><b>30.</b> Any of the alternative prompts you’d like to try (ALT: WILD CARD!!)</p> </blockquote>
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