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πŸ”₯ | Latest

Ass, Cars, and Dildo: Full DNA sequence of octopuses shows they're the closest things to aliens on Earth iheartchaos: After the first full genome sequences of octopuses, biologists have determined that the creatures are totally unlike any other animal on Earth, their genome shows a striking level of complexity with 33,000 protein-coding genes identified, more than in a human. Iknew there was something up with those smart blobby creatures. You might know me as a man of optimistic intentions. So when I heard of an "As seen on TV" product that promised to be a car-scratch-removing marker, I was all like oh hecka yeah. So I buy this marker online and, even though I was optimistic, I knew better than to expect it to work on really noticeable scratches. So I drew the marker on several tiny scratches (hardly even noticeable) that were on my car door. I check the car door the next day in minor anticipation to see if when this fabled marker dried, it solved my car scratch problems and rid me of all evil and cleansed me of my sins BUT YA KNOW WHAT. NOT ONLY did this blasphemous marker fail to achieve my ALREADY LOW expectations by not even accomplishing the task it promised to be capable of. But it ALSO managed to attract tons of dust onto the scratches NOW MAKING THEM VERY NOTICEABLE. I WIPE THE SCRATCHES OFF BUT NOPE. IN A COUPLE HOURS THAT DUST WILL REFORM ONTO THE SCRATCHES AND LEAVE MY TRUCK LOOKING LIKE THE PIXAR CAR'S VERSION OF SCARFACE. THIS INFOMERCIAL DEMON PEN FUCKED ME IN THE ASS LIKE A BILLY MAYS TRADEMARKED DILDO. So when my online shopping app asks me if I want to rate this item, guess what I did πŸ™ƒ I BREWED THEM AN INSANE HEAPING TON OF ONE STAR REVIEW FASTER THAN YOU CAN SAY "HAS THIS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?!?" AND I EVEN INCLUDED A PIC OF MY DEFORMED CAR DOOR AS VALIDATION. BECAUSE IF I HAVE TO LOOK AT MY ATROCITY ON WHEELS THAN SO SHOULD THEY. Worst 2 bucks I ever spent AldenRants
Ass, Cars, and Dildo: Full DNA sequence of octopuses
 shows they're the closest things
 to aliens on Earth
 iheartchaos:
 After the first full genome sequences of octopuses, biologists have determined
 that the creatures are totally unlike any other animal on Earth, their genome
 shows a striking level of complexity with 33,000 protein-coding genes
 identified, more than in a human. Iknew there was something up with those
 smart blobby creatures.
You might know me as a man of optimistic intentions. So when I heard of an "As seen on TV" product that promised to be a car-scratch-removing marker, I was all like oh hecka yeah. So I buy this marker online and, even though I was optimistic, I knew better than to expect it to work on really noticeable scratches. So I drew the marker on several tiny scratches (hardly even noticeable) that were on my car door. I check the car door the next day in minor anticipation to see if when this fabled marker dried, it solved my car scratch problems and rid me of all evil and cleansed me of my sins BUT YA KNOW WHAT. NOT ONLY did this blasphemous marker fail to achieve my ALREADY LOW expectations by not even accomplishing the task it promised to be capable of. But it ALSO managed to attract tons of dust onto the scratches NOW MAKING THEM VERY NOTICEABLE. I WIPE THE SCRATCHES OFF BUT NOPE. IN A COUPLE HOURS THAT DUST WILL REFORM ONTO THE SCRATCHES AND LEAVE MY TRUCK LOOKING LIKE THE PIXAR CAR'S VERSION OF SCARFACE. THIS INFOMERCIAL DEMON PEN FUCKED ME IN THE ASS LIKE A BILLY MAYS TRADEMARKED DILDO. So when my online shopping app asks me if I want to rate this item, guess what I did πŸ™ƒ I BREWED THEM AN INSANE HEAPING TON OF ONE STAR REVIEW FASTER THAN YOU CAN SAY "HAS THIS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?!?" AND I EVEN INCLUDED A PIC OF MY DEFORMED CAR DOOR AS VALIDATION. BECAUSE IF I HAVE TO LOOK AT MY ATROCITY ON WHEELS THAN SO SHOULD THEY. Worst 2 bucks I ever spent AldenRants

You might know me as a man of optimistic intentions. So when I heard of an "As seen on TV" product that promised to be a car-scratch-removin...