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(ISSUE #6)(Part 2)Dia's Lawless Lifestyle Puts Aqours Into Peril, Yoshiko And Hanamaru Experience The Tensions Of Their Strained Marriage, And The Rise Of Ruby: The Strongest School Idol There Ever Was: Dialogue boxes within panels are numbered 1- # in the order they are Understanding Paneling 101: Nozomi-type Thicc edition - Dia Long time, no see, pardner! Why, I do reckon it's been high-time enough for me to recover from my Color-coded italics indicate = Chika In an attempt to save space and reduce our carbon shitpost- thought, Blue italics indicate narration to be read in, starting with 1 You = Kanan print, panels now extend longer horizontally, otherwise follow lil' run-in with that nasty ol' cactus! I couldn't sit straight for a fortnight! Anywho, Y'all know the ste ps to this square-dance by now! Get nice n' them as you would normally. Read left to right, America owns the internet Mari = Riko If a dialogue box is not numbered, it Text inside asterisks cozy with the directions here, and read on into the sunsetl indicates whispering = Hanamaru exists outside the flow of Sara For those of y'all potential greenhorns in the audience just now tunin' in to this conversation and can be read Multi-colored text indicates the tantalizing tall-tale, this here episodic installment may seem like a fair bit of a =Leah = Yoshiko arbitrarily respective characters mouthful heren' there. Y'all can catch up to the overarchin' plot to make sense of all the talkin by moseying on over to /u/OutLandiAc's post history! Non-Player Character thinking/speaking in unison Ruby Wow Sara, that Fugu sushimi was absolutely delectable! Even more impressively, you actually prepared it with intent to serve us like actual human beings, instead of Sounds like vou're talking about 1Yeah, Dia's been a real dick in the ass leffery Dahm- I mean, leffery Dia with the whole homicide thing lately 3 Oh just a pinch of Verily, my heart weeps for you poor, wayward girls, constantly living in fear of imminent demise. What kind of cruel, heartless monster would hold her eight dearest friends in the whole world psychologically captive with constant attempts on their lives? You mean Dia? basic human 2 That would be Dia, Zura deceney, I suppose! a fit o dellbera ial What's O kill us al derangec cret? your s How mature! How refinedI3 I've had to replace 5 the locks on my athroom window cause My loins are a veritable white-hot furnace of frenzied unrestrainable lust and you have four seconds before I bend you over this table and have for myself 4 of Dia, actually ou know, for a would-be-serial- n ole lot when vou hit her back 6 Alright honestly I just came out tonight to have a good time and I'm feeling very attacked rn 7 Not only do we have proof of all your drug trafficking misadventu res, but we'll be assuming custody of Ruby soon enough, too, about the only innocent victim out of this entire charade. Dia's history of torture and experimentation with illict substances at her expense would make Pol-Pot blush and shit his pants simeltaneously W-wha...? Leah, I don't understand... Drugs? Abuse? What are you talking about? Dia-chan and I play a whole lot of games at home, but- Ehgad Alright, I've just about heard enough I'm cutting the accent and pulling the plug, Sara, this shitshow's gone far enough. f this. ow t's alright now, Ruby, you don't have to be afraid anymore. God, look at those glassy, empty little eyeballs. What have they done to you, you poor crass 1 1 Holy shit dude, what branch of the hell's angels is the guy they found to do your dub voice from? Hey, so alright, can we pause real quick? I can't follow if this is still some kind of bit or if we're actually about to get a very intimate and very underlubricated visit from the long, dry dick of civil justice creature....2 7 Save it, Quippy Longstockings. Your reactions all but co a been at the forefront of an advanced investigation effort to track down the source of the latest wave of drug-related criminal activity, and attempts on idol lives across Japan. And you chumps really thought you'd get away with it all, didn't vou? Once we take our compiled proof and the admittals of Dia being a raving psychopath you just so kindly provided to the love live high council, you all better be under the couch every time you hear as much as a ceiling fan. The helicopters of idol law are swift and mercst get honeypotted by a sandpaper- 4 pacity of a Dia, you have the loyal capa Nice Try, Chika, but we know your hands 6 but I do have to Yeah, well that's all well and nice, Roboflop, you're almost as good at talking shit as you are at eating eating twelve-year-old dressed like a bellhop at it. You don't have jack on me, and what if you did? 4What're you gonna do, trip on me to death? Lets 3 get out of here, Aqours. C'mon Ruby, we're leaving ...Well, damn, Dia, I uh, hate to tell vou this way. 5 haven't been exactly clean for a while, respect your sheer grit in the face of what but uh, yeah, the girls and I have been talking, and either. Hell, half of you have rap sheets onger than Kanan's dick. A real sloppy is likely insurmountable evidence towards your impending incarceration. uh. I don't think vou and Agours are gonna work showing for a troupe of degenerates like a pride parade? Eat my ass, saint snov you clowns Alright, I guess. Leah did kinda have a point though... I dunno. I guess I just get worried Dia's too hard on Ruby sometimes. Later that evening Agours settle into their hotel rooms for the night.. So, uh... we gonna talk about what happened at lunch today? talk here, but Listen to me closely, Ruby, it's not safe you're in danger. We've been monitoring Aqours for Also, where's Riko? Wasn't she supposed to be bunking with us? some time now, and speaking of time, yours is running *BANG True, but think of it this way. Being Dia's personal science to stop these kinds of villains, but you have to cooperate Point taken. 3 *BANG* project is probably an easier deal with us. Nah. I'm not too worried about it. Dia's nuts, but 2 she's got that whole 'cult leader' thing down pat, and Ruby's basically like a really skittish golden retriever. Whatever they're trying to pull on her, Dia'll have her back under her spell and sucking than constantly having to deal with lousy, investigation-discovery tier murder attempts, right? Hey, by the way, you think there's a 24-hour clinic or anything around here? She got a good bite in If you want to know the truth about your big sister, I'm sliding the directions under your placemat as tuffed her in there, I wanna make sure l orestu we speak. Tell no one. The fate of all of Agours is Awh man dude, I don't wanna sleep next to BANG probably radioactive or some shit. She's still into eating urinal cakes, right? Shouldn't she be sorta clean? ou're 2 on the line here, Ruby. freon out of the AC unit behind the school in no time. 3 BANG Also, I wouldn't open the closet if I were you. Riko's in there, I don't think you want her sleeping out here anyways, you didn't bring any earplugs, and I'm pretty sure she can like, see in the dark *BANG You would really think so, but remember what the hospital people said last time? They'd only ever Ifound bacteria like that inside baboons until Riko BANG CHIKA WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE, YOU'VE A-are we just gonna ignore what you were doing in vour r-room earlie- BEEN A VEERRRYY NAUGHTY GIRL, AND YOu KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO BAD GIR- SAVE IT FOR YOUR FANFICTION, QUEERBAIT 6 7 Shut the fuck up, Ruby Anyways, Ruby said she had somewhere Zura. Dia's gonna be real pissed we let her out after sunset. but I couldn't find the child leash and plan to be absolutely fucking zonked in the next half hour, Zura. It's your problem now. This is all Dia's fault anyways, Zura. Look, she's got me back and visiting my old 2 demons, how else am I supposed to cope with getting sent back to lockup, Zura? o be, Ugh, Zura, Get back to me in an hour. And take the sheets off too then, you get way too fucking sweaty, Zura Meanwhile, the freshman's room.. ahahawh yeah, Smash city, baby! But dude, seriously c'mon, is that grape flavored? You know fucking love grape. Just gimme a sip 1 Ruby, Awh, whatever then. It's not like she'll be up to any trouble. Hell if she figures out how to get out of the parking lot i'll be damned. I'll check for an amber alert in the morning. 3 Fuckin' fine, but you gotta waterfall it then BAN Hey, where's the Rubester? I wanted to play parcheesi, but if it's just you around Meet me@ the alleyway between the Denny's and the Drycleaners @ 10:00pm. Come alone, It's time you meet someone. LEAN sizzury' you're just gonna kick my ass- And where Oh, what, you afraid of the cooties something you little harlot? Hey though, if she's gone for the night... you tryna smash, or...? the hell did you get that? Can I try some?* Yo, keep that mouth running and you'll be playing seven minutes in heaven with your pal Riko 'til the sun comes up, you little shit. Zura Hell no, Zura. Do you know how many times Kanan had to spit in my mouth before they wrote me a promethazine perscription? So, you're here, then. I'm glad you're willing to Meanwhile, a conflicted Wooby walks a lonely listen. Look Ruby, I know it's a lot to swallow, but H-how do I know I can trust you!? Dia told me about Mr. Flippers, you know! You guys are just crazy, it's all in her head and you know it! You're just picking on her, vou bully! ro your big sister isn't who she savs she is. She's been Using you as a test subject for a series of maniacal schemes and twisted experiments that could put all 1 of Idoldom in danger. She's been abusing your innocence for far too long, Ruby. All those 'games' You're late: What do you want from my big sister? o you better be telling came like you said, Leah, me the truth. Dia's gonna be mad at me for seeing be W crimes since the 70s. It's a miracle you've We want an end. Ruby, An end to the madness, If this is all just a game, How come there's a girl fresh out of the grave with Agours in her sights, Ruby? 3 And don't tell me vou forgot the Aquarium, What kind of sister tries to feed her sibling to a Sea Lion? asted this lang. 1 you... Look. I want you to come with me tomorrow night, and meet my employer. He'll explain everything to you, Ruby. He's had Dia in his scope for some time now. She's been a threat for too long, and now that you know, you can help us, Rubyl It's all right in front of you, Ruby. The Drugs, 4 the abuse, the whole circus- Dia is a criminal Ruby, and she'd throw you and all your friends to the fire faster than vou can PIGI about it. Ijust want you to let me save you, Ruby! It's time to wake up, Ruby. 5 ... I... I can't. I can't believe you. She's my big sister, she's family... Mommy and Daddy always told me Dia had a few 'screws loose,' So I've always hung on through it all, even when her games made me sore and her smoothies made me sleepv, for her... I can't betray my family, Leah. Don't you know what it's like to love your big sister, even when it's not easv? to uphold the Agours name, Dia. Don't way to aph The next day, Aqours reconvene for lunch... Yeah for real, need to fuck off back home and polish ur collection of Ruby's baby teeth or something phone I propose a toast! A toast, to 2 Dia being the absolute most pathetic fucking excuse for a reprobate on Earthl Hear, hearl 1 Let us enjoy the rest of this trip in peace Well team, it would be nice to be able to have the feds by the time we left another delicious lunch with our old pals in Saint Snow, but ever since Dia, uh, you know, shit the fucking bed, this'Ill have to do! I have no idea if this is a genuine Japanese foodchain or some made up hyper-Americanized fast food joint. Pretend it's an Arby's Mhm, nothing I love more than dinner for four and No, I'm just wondering how they You can't keep being a child anymore, Ruby. 2 Somebody's gonna end up hurt. Dia's done a number on you and I know how you must feel, afraid. But you need to listen. Look, if I can't convince you, here's the time and place for tomorrow night. You can meet my employer and you'll see once and for all that this is all very real. The time for games is over. a show, Zura... Hey yoshiko, do I have something help you with 9 another application of the black-n-blue eye- managed to fit an entire Anaconda insid on my face or am I gonna have all four and a half feet of you. Funny how that mouth suddenly knows how shadow special if vou keep eveballin' me, Zura? 3 to work when it's time to deepthroat a heart Sale on Borgar ittle miss piggy ..Okay. Oh, real funy, how about you bust another one lilke that and then put the same sock in it, sourpuss 6 This is bogus, next time we see Saint Snow'll be our funerals. You got anything in the works there, Dia? I should probably clear my calendar and make time for you to take us back out to lunch before you screw us again 1 t one of It, I-It IS all truel I can't FUCKING do this Don't listen to them, Ruby, they're all just bitter they're not as smart, attractive or plot-relevant as I am... look, when we get home, I'll even give you a super-special treat out of the super-secret candy cupboard in the bathroom, my treat... anymore! I've had ENOUGH, Dia! Just... just STOP Holy fucking shit did Ruby just use a goddamn fucking swearword? What the hell did you spike the punch with this time Dia? Seriously, what are we care we It's not cute or cool when you do it, Kanan. 3 Ruby doesn't even have to shave her pits yet I know! Save some of that ow has ALL the dirt on us fetanyl you were gonna sprinkle onto Ruby's teddy She'll get us axed from Woah, woah, LANGUAGE, little lady! You're just gonna throw grahams and use it to make Saint Snow forget love live for sure. Guys, chill out. Saint Snitches 4 can't move on all of us at once. away your cameo on Sesame Street like that? you violated the onditions of vour narolel f we just sell Dia out to the authorities now, where wereu when 2 they'll probably let us all slide for cooperation. Hell maybe we'll even get the reward ...Dia, are you talking about a Wooby went posta 5 You would think, with Ruby's near-exclusive diet of schedule II narcotics, Dia would've mixed in some flintstone gummy vitamins to bring her above the kindergarten level, but I guess she really just is a goddamn idiot, Zura ou ruin EVERYTHING You know, they've got a lot of good points back This is no good... It's not time yet. But I guess I I HATE you, Dia-chan! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWwwwwww there. I've kinda been a real scumbag lately, and I haven't even been very good at that, either. have no choice. Ruby has to know the truth. 1 I missing, though? You know what point they're Honestly, fellas... Kinda apathetic about this twist. None of those pussies can really appreciate just how fucking tough you are. Can't we just like... buy a new Look both ways before running out to play in traffic, sweetheart All the crap I try to pull on them, usually fails in a 3 spectacularly comedic fashion. You though? You've had the brunt of it since that magazine flashback. one? No way, she's only worth like, one N-level sticker, tops Damn it, don't let her get too far away, I'm not forking out the twelve cents again to print out more missing posters Yeah, nah. Besides, the orphanage stopped taking our calls after we sent them Yoshiko ...What are you saying, Dia?4 I fucking swear Dia, if you turn the next six panels or so into some sappy bullshit without a SINGLE sexual innuendo, its YOUR ass on the block when budget cuts roll around, Zura! We've got a reputation to uphold here, you two-bit excuse for a shonen antagonist again in the box WITHOUT the air-holes 2 say something 4 about BALLS. DIA BALLS Iknow I haven't always been the best sister, or the I couldn't sit by and watch you go down the same path as me, Ruby. Too weak and afraid of the world to stand up against it, I crumbled fast and I crumbled hard. It wasn't until I'm saying that all I've ever done is put you through easiest one to deal with, Ruby. To tell the truth, the fucking wringer, Ruby. At every chance I've had 1 you decided to become a school idol that I realized I couldn't sit by and let you become the same way. You had to be strone, strong where I was weak. And I knew vou could be. ve never really been the best at anything. I've got a whole lot of problems. I've subjected vou to heinous mistreatment, to the point where it borders on some type of pitch-black comedic absurdity. And you've weathered all of it. The constant stream of drugs, the unspeakable punishments. Some of that you may never forgive me for, and you shouldn't. I broke long ago. But everything I did, I did for a reason. I'm incapable of speaking up around my friends, I 2 don't handle failure very welll, and I put a lot of How can you say something like that? pressure on everyone around me for not living up to my con tof all Worst of anl, dos where 'm mentally expectations ormented by manic ssailed There are dark times ahead, Ruby, and 2 by an imaginary criminal mastermind with a trouble brews for Aqours. I'm afraid I won't blowhole. If I was, I dunno, a secondary character in a cartoon about Korean Hannah 4 Montana enthusiasts, I would probably have a lot of missed opportunities for serious development across the myriad cracks in my personality be able to handle it. I'm not strong enough. 1 Our parents may have named me after the What am I supposed and her boss about you tonight! o do now, Dia?? I'm supposed to meet with Leah strongest material on Earth, but I'm anything but 1 tough. I'm brittle and full of cracks. couldn't let you fall to the same fate, Ruby. Everything I ever did was to make you stronger, because I knew you could take it all and still be your Rubesty. Oh, Dia, you emotionally maladjusted shell of a 17- year old girl! I knew there was goodness inside you all along! I'm so sorry I ever doubted you! 1 Do what vou think is best,. Ruby, I know it'll be the Rubestest way. I believe You've never cracked, Ruby, and you never will. you, kiddo 2 There there, Ruby. now, don't come so You've always been the strongest school idol who close, I'm not entirely sure how to has ever lived t like don't shin me with anyone S tl D..D-Dia C-chan.... they c planned at That evening, Ruby meets Leah Ah, very well.. I suppose you deserve some context for the level of sacrifice you'll be forced to make. We are an elite organization of like-minded, powerful people, working across the Earth to control Love Live and the world of School Idols from the shadows. For thousands of years, all of Idoldom has proceeded just as we desire, under our guidance. The Love Live competition, All your chinese cartoons, the Iphone games, the merchandise... It's all been us, Ruby. It's always been us Well. I see vou protégé over to the winning side... Very good Leah. I expect nothing less from one of my finest agents of discord and darkness. e succeeded ins our newest an entirely mundane locale.. TOTALLY NOT AN EVIL MANSION HIDEOUT 1600 INCONSPICUOUS AVE. 1 Ruby, I'm very excited to ROOMS AVAILABLE: 1-800-069-0420 ASK FOR JANICE finally me you, away quite vexing sister. My relationship with the Kurosawa family has been... turbulent, until now. I've heard so Reserved Wait.. Discord and darkness... an end to Mr. Ohara t least Aqours, once and for all... Just wait a minute. Who exactly are you much about you. 2 It's an honor to finally meet you, Kuorsawa Ruby. LO.V.Ε.L.I.V.E. Now, protected under the people? Through our efforts, we've created a carefully-curated empire of utter animated mediocrity, Ruby. A flawless formula of Idol themes and images that can be endlessly mish-mashed together over and over, to produce media that, to this day, holds the hearts, minds, and wallets of hundreds of thousands of Pacific Asian Communities, and also a bunch of weeaboos, in an unbreakable, vice-grip. And so, our 2 lluminating light of truth, I look forward to your cooperation in bringing an end to Dia, and Agours, once and for alll wer grows. C'mon Ruby, there's no reason you have to get mothbal-arrested, and 1 forgotten about! You can live on, you're marketable, you always have beenl Short, sweet, shallow... It sells. Rubvl You could have it all. And all Agours poses a threat to that system, Ruby. You can't simply be allowed to run wild, selling drugs, promoting mature themes for jokes Intense Ruby Internal Deliberation Naises . Refuse! I'm not gonna online, being an overall uglier version of a Youtube abridged series... Agours, Dia, Chika. They all must be reigned in, Ruby. you , the people who've given you the 1 ie uhele timel never igin vout 1 t-Don't you hink t It's true that Dia might not have always gone about it the right Leah looks just like vou? Wait a minute, what? way, but her intentions wer And now, with your help, we can put them and all their troublesome adventures away once and for all, Ruby! Isn't that what you, the purest, most cinnamon-bunniest, member of . best for me no matter what Would wantr 1o , sunsinine-rilled wod and TV-Y7 friendly themes And Chika and the other girls have only ever tried to be kind of funny in a different and usually terrifying direction sometimes, What's so and trving vour best? 7 silence, shadow ruby. The check in place L.O.V.E.L.I.V.E. All you have to do is help us out here once and for all. Ruby, You'll invite Dia back Besides, all your claims, here for a special 'concert' you and Leah have worked up, and once we've got her wrong abodt for ldols to are le in the mail There's... There's gotta be some kind of ulterior motive here. I iust know it! world of Idols as you w them is in danger, pia had change, not Agours! cute outfits vou know and love. Ruby.... forever... Look, we've even got a whole new an autistic episode about because two lesbians couldn't kiss and make set of friends lined up for you, Ruby! Doesn't a perfect dream party sound like fun? up for like two entire vears?? She's been against vou from the start!Here we just need to dve vour hair, and there's this thing with this notenad Well then... I suppose it's no matter, With us or not, the die League Of Having overslept abuse, in a post-promethazine, potentially post-coital haze, Hanamaru and Yoshiko tracked down their missing musketeer, only to secretly stumble upon this dastardly development! missed the plane back home after a second night of perscription codeine Lemon-Scented have still been cast, Ruby. Your 'concert' is still and Dia and the rest of Agours will be notified in due time, they've already left for Numazu... Leah did an excellent iob at stalling you here to complete the final step in the plan. When ome back looking for you, they'll be in for a 'surprise n the venue Internationally-Syndicated Villainous Villains Evil-Dedicated Enterprises alright Reserved Spongebob did Mr. Ohara Oh man, Zural Dia and the gals are in trouble like never beforel What are we gonna do, Yoshiko!? Is this the end of Agours, Zura?! It's a shame I wasn't able to convince you, Shadow Ruby... Just like her.. What... who am ...? it first you hack where piece of shit thaless vour L.O.V.E.L.I.V.E indecision has cost vour sister and your s that a fucking talking dolphin? Am I on drugs? friends their freedom... Thank you. 7 lterior motive? What could possibly make you think our organization has an ultorior motive? You'll never win, Mr. Flippers, just you wait hole and seel Dla and Aqours are worth a wn you give the lot more NEXT TIME, ON AIDORU BALL Z: WILL THE FIRST-YEAR-FORCE-THREE MANAGE TO STOP MR. FLIPPER'S MARITIME MENACE? WILL LEAH REAP THE SOWN SEEDS OF DOUBT? WILL ANOTHER FOURTH OF THE PANELS BE DEDICATED TO FURTHER ATTEMPTS ATA MELODRAMATIC OVERARCHING PLOTAND CHARACTER ARCS, INSTEAD OF JOKES ABOUT TESTICLES? URTIDELMUNN (ISSUE #6)(Part 2)Dia's Lawless Lifestyle Puts Aqours Into Peril, Yoshiko And Hanamaru Experience The Tensions Of Their Strained Marriage, And The Rise Of Ruby: The Strongest School Idol There Ever Was
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investigation discovery: Anonymous 01/29/15(Thu)00:38:44 No.595257983 be me drunk coming home late at night >building has a front door and then my apartments door is straight down the hall make it to my apartment door, put keys in, go to push door open Popens about an inch before i feel someone on the other side pushing it closed ohshit jpg my roommate fiew to canada this moming t no one supposed to be in there heart is racing Pstart thinking about all the Investigation Discovery murder shows I binge-watched last weekend someone came to steal some shit but now they know I'm here they can't leave any witnesses gonna kill my ass >gotta make a plan >pace back and forth outside talking to myself trying to mutter under my breath but I'm hammered and am having trouble controling the volume of my voice only neighbor on my floor is a deaf old lady, not too worried about her, but what if the robber (or robbers?!) hear me? better use some reverse psychology start making a loud fake 911 call >(why didn't I think about just calling 911 for real in the first place? oh well, too late, this is happening) YES HELLO 911? THIS IS ANON THERE ARE INTRUDERS IN MY APARTMENT" "THE ADDRESS IS" address txt "PL alright that should have them freaking out but wait... now thoy'll probably run out guns blazing! look in pockets, find wallet, keys, lighter, chapstick, and... what the hell is in my coat pocket it's an empty beer can everything becomes very clear to me i can rip the can apart and fashion it into a shank >aim for the jugular alright time for some MacGuyver shit use one of my keys to punch a hole in the can, slart tearing it into a sheet it's realy sharp and my motor skills are really lacking cut the hell out of my right hand feelsbadman.jpg despite bleeding I manage to fold it into something pretty pokey and pretty slicey it's been a couple of minutes, by now they might have realized the cops arent coming any moment they're going to come crashing out >They're probably waiting for the right moment (oh, I'm saying all of this out loud, aren't 1?) shit, I am they're probably listening . AND WATCHING my door has a peephole >fuck fuck fuck crouch down really low >sneak up to the door so I'm under the peephole slide up with my back to it sthe cops really ARENT coming, I'm gonna have to deal with this myself sooner or later might as well be now turn the handle and push the door it pushes back again, oh fuck they're right there >throw all my weight against it, it moves Pnow inside, look up, down, to the side, but no one's there sthey must have run into the apartment brandishing my can-knife-thing I decide to yell something gotta be something tough >something that'll scare them into surrender >first thing out of my mouth is "COME AT ME BRO" >i hear loud guffaws >look in their direction my roommate's girlfriend is sitting on the couch >laughing her ass off Pi calm down a little bit... but how'd she get in? (she doosn't have the key) >"what are you doing here?" sjust came to get some of my stuff Anon.. wow" apparently my roommate left his keys with her i'm about to relax >BUT WAIT >why were you holding the door shut?! something shady is going on EASE HURRY i wasn't. look" "points to the door >from the inside i can see that the little rug in front of the door was bunched up >got stuck under the door when i tried to open it >when the door stops mid-swing its hinges try to re close it >i was fighting with the fucking door itself Palright, im not fearing for my life anymore >my dignity a little, though "didn't you hear me out there?" >she loses it laughing again >bitch was watching through the poophole from the start >gotta try to regain a little bit of dignity. "better call the cops back and tell them I don't need them" she just laughs harder show could she know the call was fake? >wait, that's right, i never actually put my cell phone to my ear Anonymous 01/29/15(Thu)00.39 55 No.595258171 le: bunny-embarrassed png (207 KB, 485x300) alright fuck, nothing i can do now except go wash up my bleeding hand and wrap a bandage around it >walk to the bathroom, wash the blood off of my hand and the shame off of my facc on the way back to my room bitch has one more thing to say S"in case you ever really are facing a home invasion >"probably don't want to go with COME AT ME BRO mfw
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Ok, listen up fuckstick. You're in a jam, way over your head but luckily for you, I watch a lot of ID. You were all out drinking and fishing, doing hillbilly shit at the lake all night long. That's your fucking story. They can't arrest you for being white trash no matter how many petitions I circulate. Give your and the second friend's cell phone to first friend and tell him to go for a drive in the opposite direction so they ping off the same towers as theirs, park at the aforementioned lake and have them rut in beer cans and squaller. Make it look like you good ole boys (or girls) were blowing off some proper steam. You and number two have the shitty job, digging. It's not ideal but this is the bed you made for yourself. And steal the shovel from a random person's yard, ya dunce. Don't use your own, your friend's or walk into a Home Depot and buy one with cash, that's not slick enough anymore, there are cameras everywhere. (Follow @wittyidiot, I'm on my 8th hour of murder docs on Investigation Discovery, ID to the cool kids): After the age of 30 you really only need two friends. One for your alibi and one to help you dig the hole. @wittyidiot Ok, listen up fuckstick. You're in a jam, way over your head but luckily for you, I watch a lot of ID. You were all out drinking and fishing, doing hillbilly shit at the lake all night long. That's your fucking story. They can't arrest you for being white trash no matter how many petitions I circulate. Give your and the second friend's cell phone to first friend and tell him to go for a drive in the opposite direction so they ping off the same towers as theirs, park at the aforementioned lake and have them rut in beer cans and squaller. Make it look like you good ole boys (or girls) were blowing off some proper steam. You and number two have the shitty job, digging. It's not ideal but this is the bed you made for yourself. And steal the shovel from a random person's yard, ya dunce. Don't use your own, your friend's or walk into a Home Depot and buy one with cash, that's not slick enough anymore, there are cameras everywhere. (Follow @wittyidiot, I'm on my 8th hour of murder docs on Investigation Discovery, ID to the cool kids)
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