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5 Am, Ass, and Bad: Anonymous 09/29/17(Fri)19:54:36 No. 746664631 >2746670273 My autistic tinder hookup be me, 19 > ust quit night job, sleep schedule fucked up > have a cold > trying to stay up to fix sleep schedule, dying > fuck with girls on tinder, don't really care about it > used to try to get girls on it, gave up after only whales and retards were dtf > match with a mexican girl, 50 miles away > she's okay looking, not bad but nothing too special > send her a message saying "u like spaghettio?" > spaghettio's autocorrected to spaghettio, I thought it was funny > she just says "yes" > don't reply for a few hours > she sends me a message saving "you look like you have a big dick > I am confused and assure her that I do not > she says she wants to be penetrated > she says that she is moving away for school soon and doesn't want anything serious > I look her up on facebook and make sure that l'm not being catfished > see that she's about to move from the Midwest to California for school > the school is a community college > the subject gets changed, I ask her about herself while I nervously try to decide if I should fuck her > she starts telling me about her political stances, and how she wants to change the world > says she wants to teach at an inner-city school > I asked if she has ever gone to one, she says no but that she rode a bus with one once, and the students were all ignorant > she sends me a 15 minute john oliver video about translators helping the military in the middle east > I watch it for some reason > she starts talking about us fucking again > decide fuck it, I'm tired of missing my chances to get free puss > my only prior sexual experience is jerking my flaccid dick off on an escort's couch for 10 minutes tell her I'm dtf, ask for her numbe > she won't give it to me, she doesn't want us to get that close since she's moving > tells me she doesn't want to kiss when we hook up > fine with me, I'm bad at it anyways > she sends me her address Anonymous 09/29/17(Fri)19 57 04 No. 746664850 File: 2.ipg (35 KB, 324x470) s it's almost 10 pm at this point, I've already been awake for 23 hours > I shower and finally leave at like 11 get in my newly-purchased $1500 piece of shit car > loud as fuck, power steering barely functional, tire pressure terrible > start heading to her house, 1 hr 20 min trip according to google > realize that I should stop to get a 5 hour energy and put air in my tires > go to speedway, buy the 5 hour energy -1/--Hime > cashier keeps talking to me about how I'll need it for pokemon go (it just came out) > he won't stop talking about it, meanwhile im nervous as fuck finally leave, put air in my tires > their pressure is extremely low and I've only driven for 20 minutes so far > keep going, scared that car isn't going to be able to make it > stop again at another speedway, about an hour into the trip >put the air in my tires, try to find my way back to highway > have shitty ass cheap phone service, can't get google maps to load > just get back on highway and keep driving for a while > google maps is loading again, I make it to her town > having severe stomach issues, about to shit myself > lose service in her town, have no idea where I'm at >pull up to a sketchy ass gas station, go in to release my bowels > later in life I find out that I have irritable bowel syndrome > shit in the bathroom for probably 15 minutes, it's now almost 1 am > leave the bathroom, 2 men standing at the counter smiling at me > avoid eye contact and leave > still nervous as fuck and without phone service > drive around her town not knowing what to do >want to go home, but I've already made it this far so I cant give up finally get service, check tinder to see over 10 messages from her > she's getting pissed and wants to know what's going on > I park in front of someone's house and tell her that I'm lost > try to memorize directions to her house in case I lose service again > head to her house once again, lose service >think I find her house, but it's a two-family house and her neighbors are outside for some reason > not sure what to do or where to park drive around the block a few times, her neighbors are obviously suspicious that my loud ass car keeps passing by finally decide to park, pull up in front of her house > her neighbors are staring at me, start calling someone > luckily have service and can message her > tell her ive arrived > unluckily she's retarded and won't come to the door she tells me to just walk in > tell her that sounds sketchy > she still wont come to the door, says shes busy drinking water neighbors still staring at me, almost 10 minutes have passed > decide fuck it, ill walk in > cop car pulls up as im getting out of my car s they shine their spotlight on me, they don't say anything > I wave like the autist I am to them > they don't react > just walk in, my heart is pounding > she's standing by the doorway wearing panties and a tank top > don't understand why she didn't just let me in but whatever she grabs me and leads me through her dark house > there is a child that she is supposed to be babysitting sleeping on the couch > her bed is just 2 twin size beds next to each other > it's hot as fuck and I don't think there is any AC, only a fan there's a huge mirror in front of her bed > Christmas lights all over her room > she lays down > I stand there awkwardly, unsure of what to do > just make small-talk about her neighbors she says something like "are we going to fuck or not?" > nervously strip to my baggy boxer-briefs >get in the bed, start kissing her thighs > she tells me to eat her out > I have no idea how to pull her panties off and start licking her nether regions no clue what im doing, she seems to be enjoying somehow though > decide to stick a finger in, she likes it s haphazardly jam more fingers in, she still likes it O Anonymous 09/29/17(Fri)20:12:17 No.746666235 File: 4ipg (20 KB, 450x319) 2-746666831 >-746669345 >barely get it on, stick my chub inside her > thrust into her for a couple minutes, starting to lose breath > losing my boner minutes losing my boner > I get up and take my condom off > she starts sucking my dick her face is right around the corner from my asshole and I just had diarrhea she says she wants to ride me, I lay in the middle of her bed > the mattresses start to spread apart >I move to lay against the wall mostly on one mattress > it was dark so I couldn't tell, but I probably left ass sweat and shit stains all over her bed her titties are in my face, not totally sure what to do about them > I get back on top go for a few more minutes until I almost die she asks whyI keep getting so tired fuck her > I've been up for over 24 hours at this point, still sick we lay around talking about stuff for a while >trying to cool off, I don't even have a water >she rubs her hand on my dick and licks the precum off her finger > she sits on my dick while telling random stories tells me about how she was molested as a child probably giving me herpes > child starts knocking on door, crying > she yells at him to get back to bed > we get back to sex after 45 minutes try a few more positions > get her to try out some stuff like titty fucking and a foot job > I say "im gay" every time we switch positions because I am an autist and find it funny she asks me why I keep making fun of gay people she starts licking my mouth and tongue even though she said we shouldn't kiss > she's rubbing my dick on her clit and im about to cum > not sure what to do or say or where to cum > start to cum on her chest she sticks my dick in her mouth as I finish > we clean up, I ask her if she wants me to leave or if we should keep fucking > she says she planned on continuing > I somehow don't lose my erection and im miraculously able to continue >we do a few more positions, my unprotected dick is inside her while there is probably cum in my urethra Anonymous 09/29/17(Fri)20:14:53 No.746666535ยท File: 5ipg (258 KB, 1300x1131) 746667711 >im fucking her hard at one point, she's moaning "seel See!" > ask her "see what? > she says "no, Spanish" > Im a retard > almost an hour goes by, we're both tired and hot now she says she really wants to do some freaky shit, asks me for ideas > I don't fucking know > I think she mightve came twice, I don't really remember >she came at least once, not sure how I did it >I just want to get another nut off > she's ferociously sucking my dick, im >she gives up and lays with her face in the bed, her ass up > it takes every little bit of energy for me to cum onto her ass 9 she tells me to take a photo so I do >she tries to move my hand to her asshole, I resist > get dressed, go for a hug she gives me a high-five instead, doesn't want us to get close >say bye, leave > drive home for over an hour >awake for like 30 hours, dehydrated, hot > contemplating life, the possibility that I got her pregnant > probably have herpes > just want to go home and shower and sleep > have never felt so dead inside >get home after 5 am, dad is getting ready for work >go to sleep without showering > periodically look her up to make sure she isn't pregnant struggling to cum Anon gets laid
Anna, Ass, and Batman: moon blossom anna omgz Never scroll past a twerking soldier. Thank you for serving our country with your brave booty. Officer Booty reporting for duty. Call of Booty Call of Booty: Back Dat Ass Ops. AldenRants 15-50 @Theultimatetrashlord asked me to rant about people who don't clean up their tables at fast food restaurants! D-D-D-DON'T GET MEEWEE EEWEE STARRRRararar..tttt.....eeeeeee......d YOU FUCKING TABLE-TOPPING NAPKINWADS THINK YOU'RE TOOOOO GOOD TO PILE TOGETHER ALL THE PACKAGING AND WASTE LEFTOVER FROM YOUR HORRIDLY GRUESOME DISPLAY OF SPEEDY MEATY EATY TIME AND SIMPLY PERFORM THE TASK OF DUMPING IT IN A HOLE??? WELL LITTLE DO YOUR SUB-PRIMAL MINDS UNDERSTAND IS THAT BY FEELING TOO "above all that" YOU'VE COUNTERACTIVELY RELINQUISHED YOURSELF FROM BEING IN ANY POSITION WORTHY OF DIGNITY. You've heard of the food chain, right? WELL GET READY FOR THE NOT IN ANY WAY PREDICTABLE TERM I JUST COINED CALLED THE FAST FOOD FOOD CHAIN. AND YOU'RE NOW ON THE BOTTOM OF IT YOU SLOBBY SACKS OF PRIMORDIAL SHIT NUGGETS. A bystander observing your poor fast food etiquette has no other option other than to assume that your parents simply MUST HAVE both died before they could teach you how not to be an asshole, but instead of growing up to become Batman, you were unfortunately left to fester in an abandoned wasteland and later on acquire the annoying habit of not proving yourself capable of accomPLISHING EVEN THE MOST TRIVIAL FORM OF CLEANING UP AFTER YOURSELF. A HABIT SO IRRITABLE, IT COULD MAKE EVEN RONALD MCDONALD SAY "I'M HATIN IT"
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If any of you are looking for a fancy way to propose. BibleStudyAndChill ? ๐Ÿ˜‚โค๏ธ