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Bless Up, Blessed, and Fail: They ripped open their bed and Dear Medical Establishment, My name is smash, and u got me all the way fucked up. ๐Ÿ“ <- that right there? That's the location of where u, the medical cot damn establishment, got me all the way completely and without any doubt fucked the fuck up. Lemme splain u. I go in to get tested. Nurse hand me the results. I'm nervous. Should I be nervous? Of course I should be nervous - everybody sexually active should be nervous bc people be lion ๐Ÿฆ. And in this state of nervousness, y'all hand me some shit where it say <0.90. That's my result. Carrot, decimal. It used to say "non reactive". Now y'all give me equations. Y'all don't just say "u got the Ursher disease" or "u could live to smash another day". Nah. Y'all wanna give me motherfucking code words. Then I gotta flip the page and find that <0.90 mean negative. Then I gotta google it, come to find out that the Hurp level gotta be 1.1 or above or else I'm negative. Well was I close? Was it 0.1? Or was it 0.6 where I got a teensie weensie amount of Hurp? This pass-fail shit? Fuck y'all ๐Ÿ˜‚. (Editor's note: 0.6 would not be middle ground anyway. You have to be in the 0.9-1.1 range to be questionable TheMoreYouKnow.) In any event. Lemme get this shit straight. I come in to get tested and y'all gon put me back in middle school algebra. YALL ๐Ÿ‘ GOT ๐Ÿ‘ A ๐Ÿ‘ BROTHER ๐Ÿ‘ DOUBLE ๐Ÿ‘ FUCKED ๐Ÿ‘ UP ๐Ÿ‘ WITH ๐Ÿ‘ CHEESE ๐Ÿ‘. I wanna open a envelope. It should have no math equations on it. It should have no charts and graphs. IDGAF about your disclaimers. It should be one sheet of white paper. In the middle it should say "DD" (drippy dick) or "NDD" (non drippy dick). THAT'S ALL I WANT FROM YALL. OTHER THAN THAT, SHUT ALL THE WAY UP ๐Ÿ˜‚. Best regards, smash. P.s. I love it when I go get tested and make a fist and u nurses start telling me "ooooh u got nice veins ๐Ÿ˜". Happens every time and y'all adorable for that. In fact it's a set-up for an amazing p0rno that I'll never shoot but if any of my followers are in Hollywood y'all should run with that and lemme do a cameo with a mask on (HECK IT MASK OFF) bless up ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ (pic: @alondraxaz)