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The sadomasochistic ride is tempting (xpost from r/mildlyinteresting): Ride Menu Choose one or more types of rides you would like today (You must be 18 years of age or older and over 4'2" tall.) The Stand-Up Ride lohn: The Lyft Driver I tell you about things I learned in prison and poor life choices I have made. Don't put a tattoo of your girlfriend on your butt. It rarely works out well. The Creepy Ride I don't say anything. I just leer at you periodically in the review mirror and lick my lips in an unpleasant, malicious or lascivious manner. The Therapy Ride Tell me about all your problems and I will pretend to care The Sympathy Ride I tell you about my problems and you pretend to care The Silent Ride The Sado-Masochistic Ride l insult you and your relatives (particularly your mother) and be as rude as I possibly can to you the whole trip. WARNING: This ride hegins by me throwing yo out of the car and making you run to catch up. The Chill Out Ride out on beautifu, qwiet classical music and you arrive at your destunation relaxed, refreshed and less likely to complain about the TSA strip search. The Gluttony Ride I recommend the best restaurants in town and warn you to stay away from the other oves ayped ones. (I will join you upon request.) The Jeopardy Ride I tell you fun facts and trivia about Nashville which will help you win game shows and amaze your friends. Hint: Ask me about "hookers Interesting Lyft ride The sadomasochistic ride is tempting (xpost from r/mildlyinteresting)
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These analogies are like poetry if the poet had been sleepless for five days subsisting only on Red Bull and raw coffee beans: ifeelbetterer tumblr Follow hellotailor 1. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center 2. He was as tall as a 6'3" tree 3. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master 4. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30. 5. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. 6. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up 7. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. 8. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something 9. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. 10. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room- temperature Canadian beef 11. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM 12. The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object. wollipyos Some of the worst analogies written by high school students I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT NUMBER 4 IS GREAT. bewbin These are genius ninjagirlmai I lost it at number 10 farorescourage "the worst analogies" are the ones you use to write comedy pieces with. They work like a charm if you do them right. beingfacetious #you say 'worst analogies i say 'heirs of douglas adams, Source papadevs 291.019 notes These analogies are like poetry if the poet had been sleepless for five days subsisting only on Red Bull and raw coffee beans

These analogies are like poetry if the poet had been sleepless for five days subsisting only on Red Bull and raw coffee beans

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