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Clock, Countdown, and Energy: buying peaches is so stressful because you have to consume them so quickly... it's like the moment the cashier types in that number the alpha peach turns to its brothers in the bags and says "alright listen up boys, it's time to remember your training. i want to see immense bruising by sundown. i want to see you near inedible by sunrise. remember it is better to die a free man than to be eaten." you gotta wolf down all of your peaches at the check out counter while the trader joe's employees eagerly look at the Peach Consumption Countdown Clock and cheer you on. these peaches have sensors on them that can tell when they come into contact with human hands so they can begin their self-destruct sequence like you're in a spy movie and the peach just relayed a message to you about the whereabouts of jimmy hoffa's decayed remains je-suis-hetalia Jimmy Hoffa is likely dead m4ge this response carries so much chaotic cursed energy. jimmy hoffa was declared dead in 1982 after disappearing in 1975. he was born in 1913, meaning he would be the miraculous age of 105 today if he wasn't dead. "likely dead." the fact that it's a hetalia blog trying to tell me that he is likely dead. the fact that i specifically mention his decayed corpse in my post so there is literally no reason for someone to alert me that he is "likely" deceased. the fact that this hetalia blog is trying to tell this to me, a person who up until recently literally worked for the international brotherhood of teamsters as a person in charge of handling their historical records. i spent two years of my life answering phone calls from people asking me if i personally knew what happened to jimmy hoffa's body. ive spent a significantly longer amount of time trying to forget that hetalia exists. my entire career as a hetalia faceboolk roleplayer at the age of 11 just flashed through my eyes. i legitimately cannot express how much this response has effected me. ive been staring at it for7 minutes. i feel like ive entered the twilight zone je-suis-hetalia I don't ever remember writing that when did I write that m4ge everything about this is cursed peaches

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Candy, Fire, and Irs: Jordan Adams @JordanKAdams97 My nephews Ethan's pre-k class made a cook book, and all the kids had to come up with all the recipesso much better than I could've imagined Ethan's Eggs Serving: 10 Prep time: 1 hour Cook time: 2 seconds Cost: $3.00 Ingredients: Pancakes Sugar Skittles Ca Where to buy: Texas Roadhouse Bpe Instructions: " first you put pancakes and then sugar and that's it. You can cook it, but you can go to my house andI will give you eggs because my mom makes eggs all the time. You can eat them with a spoon. Don't put anything on them because that's how you makes eggs, with nothing." irs Ariana's Macaroni serving: 3 people prep time: 5 minutes Cook time: 5 minutes a day h Cost: I think $2 Ingredients: Melted cheese Macaroni Appies trawberries, I like them because they are healthy Toys Backpack doll Where to buy: Walmart and Target and..wai... ! am trying to think..oh yeah....the mall. oot Instructions: you First you put the macaroni in the stove and now you put it in the end. Put it to the oven and put cheese and more melted eese. The oven has to be hot like fire....like a candle....like or birthdays. Now you need to tell everyone that its time to leave. And I have to leave because I am going to a party with a Swimming pool. My sister says, " Why do you go to the swimming pool ?" and I say, "Because l like it." Now I go home and I am waiting for it not to be hot and then my sister says," why do you do that? " its because you blow on the macaroni it wont be hot. You need to wait. Now its done!" Joe's Tacos ng: I don't even know Serv prea time: like 45 minutes Cook time: I think 55 minutes Cost. i don't even know aredients: Get the meat and lettuce at HEB Taco shells are there too Ihave cheese at my house so I don't have to go to the store and get more Lettuce Potato..wai..is it potato or tomato...no tomato Where to buy: I don't know where to get the other stuff Instructions: rst I change th onl on't actually know, I really don't remember anything. Can I s to cheesy roll ups? Because they are super easy. There is don't sur you need, white cheese, vellow cheese and tortilla. I o even want to make tacos anymore. I don't even know how. It is co hard to think about tacos. But i can make cheesy roll ups. They are su eeasy. They come from Taco Bell. I need yellow cheese and mke nt know where to buy the white cheese. I dont knomake them do them know how cheesy rollups are better because I kad wn ht jke hnymore. like them, but I love cheesy rollups more, J on't lijke beans t I made candy and it t y and it turned brown. I dont r me think...one time want taco ns because they make me throw up. My mom made me one time with beans and I threw up. Wait..../ know how atermelon it is easy....just buy the watermelon and eat it." eat a burrito one to make Sebastiän s Pancakes Serving: 3 Prep time: 10 minutes Cook time: 3 times Cost: $70 Se VW ngredients Salt and that's it In Fl Be Where to buy: Walmart Instructions: " You get a thing the hot thingy. Turn on the hot thingy and it burns s0 y from the house and you put it inin you have to be careful. You make like, someth put it in it and it cooks. Then you get a plate an finish it. Don't leave the plate on the table , you have to throw it away in the sink or flies will get on ing and p tastefullyoffensive: (via JordanKAdams97)

tastefullyoffensive: (via JordanKAdams97)

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Candy, Fire, and Irs: Jordan Adams @JordanKAdams97 My nephews Ethan's pre-k class made a cook book, and all the kids had to come up with all the recipesso much better than I could've imagined Ethan's Eggs Serving: 10 Prep time: 1 hour Cook time: 2 seconds Cost: $3.00 Ingredients: Pancakes Sugar Skittles Ca Where to buy: Texas Roadhouse Bpe Instructions: " first you put pancakes and then sugar and that's it. You can cook it, but you can go to my house andI will give you eggs because my mom makes eggs all the time. You can eat them with a spoon. Don't put anything on them because that's how you makes eggs, with nothing." irs Ariana's Macaroni serving: 3 people prep time: 5 minutes Cook time: 5 minutes a day h Cost: I think $2 Ingredients: Melted cheese Macaroni Appies trawberries, I like them because they are healthy Toys Backpack doll Where to buy: Walmart and Target and..wai... ! am trying to think..oh yeah....the mall. oot Instructions: you First you put the macaroni in the stove and now you put it in the end. Put it to the oven and put cheese and more melted eese. The oven has to be hot like fire....like a candle....like or birthdays. Now you need to tell everyone that its time to leave. And I have to leave because I am going to a party with a Swimming pool. My sister says, " Why do you go to the swimming pool ?" and I say, "Because l like it." Now I go home and I am waiting for it not to be hot and then my sister says," why do you do that? " its because you blow on the macaroni it wont be hot. You need to wait. Now its done!" Joe's Tacos ng: I don't even know Serv prea time: like 45 minutes Cook time: I think 55 minutes Cost. i don't even know aredients: Get the meat and lettuce at HEB Taco shells are there too Ihave cheese at my house so I don't have to go to the store and get more Lettuce Potato..wai..is it potato or tomato...no tomato Where to buy: I don't know where to get the other stuff Instructions: rst I change th onl on't actually know, I really don't remember anything. Can I s to cheesy roll ups? Because they are super easy. There is don't sur you need, white cheese, vellow cheese and tortilla. I o even want to make tacos anymore. I don't even know how. It is co hard to think about tacos. But i can make cheesy roll ups. They are su eeasy. They come from Taco Bell. I need yellow cheese and mke nt know where to buy the white cheese. I dont knomake them do them know how cheesy rollups are better because I kad wn ht jke hnymore. like them, but I love cheesy rollups more, J on't lijke beans t I made candy and it t y and it turned brown. I dont r me think...one time want taco ns because they make me throw up. My mom made me one time with beans and I threw up. Wait..../ know how atermelon it is easy....just buy the watermelon and eat it." eat a burrito one to make Sebastiän s Pancakes Serving: 3 Prep time: 10 minutes Cook time: 3 times Cost: $70 Se VW ngredients Salt and that's it In Fl Be Where to buy: Walmart Instructions: You get a thingy from the house and you put it inin the hot thingy. Turn on the hot thingy and it burns s0 you have to be careful. You make like, someth put it in it and it cooks. Then you get a plate an finish it. Don't leave the plate on the table , you have to throw it away in the sink or flies will get on ing and p <p><a href="http://radiant-mercy.tumblr.com/post/174063000555/tastefullyoffensive-via-jordankadams97-kids" class="tumblr_blog">radiant-mercy</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="http://tumblr.tastefullyoffensive.com/post/174061849948/via-jordankadams97" class="tumblr_blog">tastefullyoffensive</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>(via <a href="https://twitter.com/JordanKAdams97/status/996838075128057858">JordanKAdams97</a>)</p></blockquote> <p>Kids are so hilarious I love it</p></blockquote>
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Anaconda, Ass, and Bailey Jay: Who the fuck cares? Just revolt and tell them they have to work for what they want like us regular joes. Piece of shits dont deserve shit Like Reply 44m Alright so, the Queen is 91 and she has to do about 100 engagements a year, hold Government meetings once a week and read about 200 documents a day all of which are highly classified. You won't even make it to 91 you fucking wankstain. Of course you're from Sudbury, land of the hard working pillheads bumming smokes at the downtown bus terminal. Prince Charles is an ex Naval officer who commanded his own ship for 6 years, Prince Harry fought and murdered Taliban insurgents in Afghanistan and Prince William flew FUCKING RESCUE HELICOPTERS SAVING PEOPLE FROM SINKING BOATS. Professionally. As in his job. All of these people, guess what, took NOT A SINGLE POUND in pay for this work. Their money? Doesn't come from the taxpayers. It comes from an agreement with Parliament in which they give over the revenues of the land THEY OWN in return for civil list payments. The money they give is FAR more massive than what they take. Also, the tourism money they generate. Shall I go on, or can we just agree you're an uneducated twat who thinks that because you can take insults from some drunkard boss and climb a roof like a fucking jungle monkey that somehow you're some communist working class hero. By the way. That piece of shit, YOUR FUCKING QUEEN, served as an ambulance driver during WWII. Younger than you are. So wow, way to slag a family of veterans, you fuck ass 03 Like Reply 36m Uber Humor Steve holt failnation: Murdered by words in broad daylight
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