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Ass, Bored, and Confused: 18 02:56 ....ll Thread James Dator @James.. 17 May In honor of John Wick 3 I have a Keanu Reeves story 615 ti 19.2K 54.3K James Dator @James.. 17 May Keanu came to the movie theater I worked at in Sydney in 2001. He was working on the Matrix series at the time. It's a quiet, Wednesday morning almost nobody is seeing movies. 6 C t524 8,415 James Dator @James.. 17 May I'm working the box office, bored as hell and suddenly this dude walks up in jeans, a leather jacket and a horse riding helmet. A full ass, weird equestrian looking helmet. It takes me a solid 30 seconds to ignore the helmet and realize it's Keanu Reeves 7 1450 8,840 James Dator @James 17 Mayv He wants to buy a ticket for "From Hell," the Johnny Depp movie. I'm so fucking star struck I do what any sensible 16-year-old does and tell him l'd like to give him my employee discount. This means he needs to sign my sheet and therefore I have his autograph 5 8,595 t439 James Dator @James. 17 May "I don't work here," Keanu says. Seemingly confused by my offer. I'm flustered and just charge him the normal price. Kicking myself after for not getting his autograph 9 8,300 t 410 James Dator @James.. 17 May 2 minutes later there's a knock on the door behind me that leads into the box office. I assume it's my manager. It's Keanu. 94 t 409 8,297 17 May "I realized you probably wanted my autograph," he says. "So I signed this." He hands me a receipt from the concessions stand that he signed on the back. He then casually throws an ice James Dator @James... cream cone in the trash can and sees his movie 26 t 639 13.8K James Dator @James Dator realize later that he bought an ice cream cone he didn't want, just to get receipt paper so he could scribble his autograph for a 16-year-old idiot. 19:21 17 May 19 Twitter for iPhone 2,750 Retweets 60.6K Likes awesomacious: Sweet Keanu
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Ass, Bored, and Confused: 18 02:56 ....ll Thread James Dator @James.. 17 May In honor of John Wick 3 I have a Keanu Reeves story 615 ti 19.2K 54.3K James Dator @James.. 17 May Keanu came to the movie theater I worked at in Sydney in 2001. He was working on the Matrix series at the time. It's a quiet, Wednesday morning almost nobody is seeing movies. 6 C t524 8,415 James Dator @James.. 17 May I'm working the box office, bored as hell and suddenly this dude walks up in jeans, a leather jacket and a horse riding helmet. A full ass, weird equestrian looking helmet. It takes me a solid 30 seconds to ignore the helmet and realize it's Keanu Reeves 7 1450 8,840 James Dator @James 17 Mayv He wants to buy a ticket for "From Hell," the Johnny Depp movie. I'm so fucking star struck I do what any sensible 16-year-old does and tell him l'd like to give him my employee discount. This means he needs to sign my sheet and therefore I have his autograph 5 8,595 t439 James Dator @James. 17 May "I don't work here," Keanu says. Seemingly confused by my offer. I'm flustered and just charge him the normal price. Kicking myself after for not getting his autograph 9 8,300 t 410 James Dator @James.. 17 May 2 minutes later there's a knock on the door behind me that leads into the box office. I assume it's my manager. It's Keanu. 94 t 409 8,297 17 May "I realized you probably wanted my autograph," he says. "So I signed this." He hands me a receipt from the concessions stand that he signed on the back. He then casually throws an ice James Dator @James... cream cone in the trash can and sees his movie 26 t 639 13.8K James Dator @James Dator realize later that he bought an ice cream cone he didn't want, just to get receipt paper so he could scribble his autograph for a 16-year-old idiot. 19:21 17 May 19 Twitter for iPhone 2,750 Retweets 60.6K Likes Sweet Keanu
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Arguing, Beautiful, and Bless Up: Our Ginger lost her eye in November, but is a tough girl and we think just as beautiful as ever! So I’m texting with my lil Caucasian homegirl (this is relevant in a second people - bear with me cot dammit 😂) and I’m like “aye I seen your snap story you look super happy being home” and she like “Break is relaxing!! T God!! I needed it. And hehe yeah Jim is a keeper ☺️☺️☺️ miss u” <— I did not edit this lmao this how she talk I’m pasting here to prove I ain’t make this Sh!t up 🥶. And I’m like “Jim?” And she like “My father!!!! I call my parents Jim & Mary lmao whiteprivilege. I know lots of kids would be gettin the belt or facing the wrath of the chancla 😂💀” FAMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMm 😩😂😂. Y’all really got the chancla confrused (yes ‘confrused’.) Y’all confrused about the chancla fam. Chancleta came out for MINOR offenses. Misdemeanors. Not no COT damn felony manslaughter 😂. Failure to obey the reasonable directive of mom duke: chancleta. Talk bacc to mama after she said something wildly offensive: chancleta. Fight - argue with big sister who started it and plus I was acting in self defense: chancleta + wooden spoon. Fam! I would get the chancleta for some Sh!t I ain’t do! 😂 Framed for a crime and without any due process: chancleta. If I hecked around and called my mama by her government(?) FAM 😂. That’s not a slap on the wrist (with a chancleta). That would just be: “goodbye.” Deada$$. Like “good 👏......bye 😥”. Emphasis on the good but then a soft, theatrical ‘bye’. That’s not even a “talk it out”. That’s just one of them “pack a small suitcase and literally dip” like in the movies lmao. Like I gotta come bacc after 10 years and I knock on the door and I have very long facial hair (even longer that it is now 😬) and she don’t recognize me and I’m like “mama?” And she like “I am sorry u at the wrong house.” And I’m like “mama I’m your son.” And she like “I HAD a son. He died.” YES FAM - DIED. DECEASED. LIKE HOW DECEASED I STILL BE EVERY TIME ONE OF MY HWITE FRENS BE ON A FIRST NAME BASIS WITH THEY PARENTS. YALL BEYOND WILD FOR THAT. BLESS UP 😍😂😂 (Slide 1: u-aprils96. Slide 2: u-stados4. Slide 3: u-JamesonRae. Slide 4: u-coinmurderer. Slide 5: u-BlemMlemFlep. Slide 6: u-samosa_pav.).

So I’m texting with my lil Caucasian homegirl (this is relevant in a second people - bear with me cot dammit 😂) and I’m like “aye I seen you...

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Beyonce, Bitch, and Cheating: What girls really do when they go to the bathroom together Birds of a feather gone flock together. Every dude knows how annoying it is when you drop game on a girl but her friend be the Mutumbo of cock blocking. Girls move as a unit when it comes to their friends. Especially when going to the bathroom. Wanna bet? Take two female friends and put them on opposite ends of the world. Now let one of them go to the bathroom, when the other friend accepts her distress signal she goes as well. God be making people like that. I can’t have homies who girls have they passcode. This is like having the codes to launch nuclear missels. It’s unsafe. My boy Abel was the light skin of light skins so you know his girl wore the pants in the relationship. Me and him on double dates with our ladies. Him and his girl stay fighting. “If you not cheating let me see them text messages”. Boy silent like a mouse. She bonk gang that boy phone and went to the bathroom. Every girl in the restaurant stood up. I reached for my girl, another girl comes up to hold me back. This was a scene straight from iRobot. Every dude watched as all the girls crammed into the bathroom like a middle school fight. There was no one in the kitchen now. One dude went to knock on the door to check on his girl, there was no answer. He tried to poke his head in and caught a hit that sent him flying through the store front. That nigga dead now. I look and it’s worse than what I expected. The single friend is behind all the. It’s always the ones built like Ursula that be Bitter and bitchy. She got all our girls in some kind of bitter bitch spell. Girls be the FBI agents we keep joking about. Within minutes they were able to find every text, convo, phone call and transaction made. Had all that on big screen like we at a football game. We went to trial in a McDonald’s. There had to be bias during the trial. Every girl there listened to Beyoncé. We stood no chance. The jury found my nigga Abel guilty on 10 counts of cheating, polygamy, lying under oath, no ambition and Good dick. Whole squad guilty by association. That boy Abel serving 10 years in fuckboy purgatory. The system is constantly coming for black men. We all single now. Pray for Abel. He dropped the ball and hopefull
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Memes, Pregnant, and Chase: These 11 Signs Say: You Are Probably Expecting a oto Grid Baby! Today’s regular check-ups and tests are 99% right. The technology is so advanced that they will tell you that something is cooking inside your body even before the “thing” happens. My grandmother and mother weren’t lucky enough to be pregnant in this world. They didn’t even know they are pregnant until that belly started to grow. The first sign that a woman is pregnant is waiting for her period to come. However, sometimes this sign could come knocking on the door and still you could be pregnant. I wanted to get deeper with this post. I wanted to escape from the usual signs like vomiting, period, and often urination. Let’s cut to the chase and take a look at these “you are probably pregnant” signs. 1.Increased Estrogen and Progesterone Levels These two hormones will decrease or stop the menstrual bleedings. 2. Vomiting Does Not Only Happen in the Mornings Oh yeah. This is probably the main reason why people confuse morning sickness with a stomach bug or food poisoning. Being pregnant means slower digestion. 3. Swollen and Sensitive Vagina The levels of cervical mucus you produce are thicker, and the result is a very sensitive vagina. All of this comes as a result of increased progesterone levels. 4. Increased Breast Size You thought your breasts get swollen when you are in your period? – Wait until you see what happens when you are expecting. The nipples get darker as they prepare for nursing your baby. The hormones inside of you make your breasts sensitive and bigger. If you were dreaming for larger breasts, they would continue growing through the pregnancy. 5. Menstrual Cramps Outside your Period Dates It lasts a couple of days as the process of implementation occurs. It’s the time when the fertilized egg attaches to the uterus lining. 6. Going to the Bathroom. A Lot. As the body produces more blood to support you and your baby growing inside of you, it will force the kidneys to filter more. 7. You Won’t Have a Problem Falling Asleep Anywhere and Anytime Your body spends energy working all day all night to make your womb a special place for your baby. It’s normal for the body to rest more
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Anime, Apparently, and Bad: So I recently moved into a new neighborhood and it's a pretty nice area. After a couple of weeks, a moving truck pulls up and I realize there's a new girl living in the house next to me. So I walk out and I notice that she's all by herself Being the good neighbor I am, I go up and ask, "Hey, I see you don't have any help. Do you need any help with moving your boxes inside?" And keep this in mind, I'm like a 6/10 on good day while this girl is an easy 9/10. Like this girl can easily be a supermodel So I ask if she needs any help and she looks me dead in the "Uh... No thanks, I'm good." "Well ok. No problem So a couple days go by after that into my yard. So I'm thinking, "Ok cranky girl. Round 2, let's go, we got this." So I take the dumb dog and I bring it over to her house and give the door a kn biggest smile says, "OH MY GOD thank you SO MUCH! I don't know what I would do without him. He's like family to me. I'm so sorry that I was so mean to you the other day. I was having a bad day and took it out on you and I'm so sorry. Please let me make it up to you and take you out to dinner." So I humbly accept and we end up going out to dinner that night. Now, we don't have much in common. Like, I'm into video games and anime and she's into all this white girl stuff like makeup, Starbucks, and all that other shit. But, we have a good time. And I mean, this girl is WAY out of my league so who am I to complain? So then we hang out more frequently, I visit her and she visits me and now I'm in a good relationship with this extremely hot chick. A couple weeks go by, we continue this, and I see a moving truck come in from the other direction. I go out to greet the new neighbor and I see a cute girl come out of the moving truck. Now this girl is cute. She isn't supermodel hot, but she's cute. I would say she's like a 7/10. So I go up to her and say, "Hey, I see you don't have any help with with the stiest grimace on her face and says, eed anything, just give a little knock on the door and I'll come o led attempt and this girl's dumb, small chihuahua jumps over the fence and gets She opens the door and with the stuff i I hel Luckil e says, "Ye ure. Um, take this box and put it in the living room It's the first room to the right, you can't miss it." So I go to pick up the box and I realize that it's labeled "Video Games." The box wasn't taped very well, so I peek into the box and I'm seeing some serious video games. I'm seeing Final Fantasy 7-9 black label, a mint copy of Illusion of Gaia. Like, what girl even knows what that game is!? So I ask, "Hey, is this a box of your boyfriend's stuff?" and she responds with, "No, I don't have a boyfriend. That stuff's mine so make sure not to drop it." So now I know this girl is actually the coolest girl ever elp the girl move her stuff in and we hang out afterwards. We go t to lunch and we off. We ended up ust talking about video games the whole time and it was amazing. NowI don't forget, s ve a friend to talk nerd shit with and a cute as 10. And I also have this 9/10 girlfriend with me. And again, I'm just a 6/10 so righ w, I'm living dream So a couple weeks go by and my girl nd comes up to me and says, "Hey, so this may sound weird, but I don't want time with her and I'm honestly a little with that girl anymore. You're d more time with me us and want you to s We try to talk t me an we can a and it'll be great." She says, "Wel So next day, my girlfriend comes up to me and says, "Uh, "Wait, what? Why not? What happened?" "Yeah she told me that you're hers now and if I ever go near you again, she is going to kill me." Il give it a shot. I'll try to talk to her tomorrow ah you can't see that girl ever again." I thin u're overreacting a little bit. She do tha seem t type of perso Sh s going to fucking murder me I can't imagine tha I go up to 7/10's house the next day and give it a little knock on the door but nobody answers. I try the doorbel nothing. Give her a call, text her, no answer. So then I call my girlfriend, try to tell her that she wasn't there and I'I try again tomorrow. But again, no answer. So I go kn Il try to straighten this an morroW her ho knock on the door and still no answer. Next da knock* r and I do w what's going So day after day goes by and eventually, week after week and I'm getting nothing turns up. I call their family and friends and they know nothing. And after weeks of all this, I just give up Then I turn the news on one day, and I see the 7/10 girl getting carried away in handcuffs. And, she's covered in blood from head to toe. She's screaming and yelling at the camera saying, "She's dead, you're next." A couple days go by and the autopsy reports are coming in, and its all over the internet. Apparently, not only did she kill my gorgeous 9/10 girlfriend, but parts of her were missing. Chunks of her arms and legs were gone and it seems that the 7/10 girl ate parts of my girlfriend. Bit and chewed into her Now I'm thinking to myself that I had the two most amazing girls in my life. And I'm here, 6/10, just worried out of my mind because I can't get the image out of my head of her screaming into the cameras saying, "She's dead next. She's dead you're next." And I'm going crazy, I'm screaming and writing it in blood on the walls, "She's dead, you're next. She's dead you're next." AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT DO DO ANYMORE And it raises the question: Why is 6 afraid of 7? ng. I pu in the missing persons but memehumor: This Joke Proves Why Jealous Girlfriends Are Not to Be Trustedhttp://memehumor.tumblr.com
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