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Dads universally make unfunny jokes and have terrible humor, and I'm just sitting here $100% screaming/crying.: Operator: 911What's your emergencyp Responder: My wifes goinginto labor, I don't know what to do. Operator: Is this herfirstborn? Responder: Noths is her husband. We'll be walking around a supermarket or wherever, and he will stop, staring at the watermelon with a look of respect, put his hand on my shoulder and say: "what-a-melon!" 10:43 ICE YOUR BREATHS EXPAND FRIEND Text 4:19 PM 64% K Messages (6) Daddy Contact We just ate Ok so you can be here at How does the turkey I guess through its beak Send Q W E R T Y U I O P A S D F G H J K L Share on Facebook Like zofia-and-sloths listenley tayngerous: A woman is at her father's deathbed. She hasn't seen him in years and now they only have a few moments left. "Dad, I'm sorry," she whispers. "Goodbye, Sorry," he says, "I'm dead 20.3k Guess what Forrest Gump's password is? Son Ugh stop, Dad Okay I'll tell ya. It's 1 forrest Dad lobes Wall of Shame howtobeladad.com SAD consultingtimetravelingdetective Source: dingle-dangle deathbycas: dingle-dangle: A proud new dad sits down to have adrink with his father "Well son, now that you've got a kid of your own, l think it's time to give you this Dad, you don't mean "Yes son, l do" Dad pulls out copy of 1001 Dad Jokes, 5th Edition" Dad I'm honoured...", he says, tears sparkling in his eyes. Hi honoured", replies his father. "I'm dad". 34,229 notes Dad Edit Messages Don't come home me and your mom are getting it on tonight HAHAHA gotta hate autocorrect, right? What do you mean You made a typo right look at your last text No l did not make a typo Guess what time the man went to the dentist? Tooth hurt -y. Dad lobes Wall of Shame howtobeladad.com SAD SON, UR 2 NOW OLD ENUFF FOR THE TALK IM DROWNIN IN IT WRITTEN BY GO TORMNY PICKEALS SEE, SEX IS A LOT LIKE A OCEAN LOL NOW PUT UR HAND uP THIS IS CALLED A HIGH FIVE DRAWN BY VECTORBELLY Dad hurt his wrist and had to go to the hospital where he talked to a doctor. Dad: When this heals will I be able to play the piano? Doctor: Yes, You'll be fine in a few days. Dad: Perfect, I've always wanted to be able to play an instrument. 2:17 PM 82% OO AT&T LTE Contact Messages Today 12:50 PM Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie Today 2:10 PM Ur sick I thought it was a Gouda joke to rethink I am telling the Yes Don't make me out to be some kind of muenster! Delivered On a walk today with my family. We get onto the game what would you do? ask what would you do If fell down a cliff. My sister says call him an ambulance. My dad's reply, "how would that help, he's down a cliff dieing, and I'm shouting, LUCAS YOUR AN AMBULANCE" My dad ladies and gentlemen Shhh Don't skin me like that WHY ALL THESE POTATO PUNS? You could say It's because Potato puns are.. Apeeling. Dad: What do you want for your birthday? Son want a remote control car dad Dad: Say no more son AT&T LTE 8:54 PM News Feed Status o Photo Check In LE News Feed Chris R minutes ago Mie: How much snow is there? Dad: Well it's not really snow, it's more like Snew. Me: Snew? Whats snew? Dad: Not much what's snew with you? can't believe that just happened. 5 Likes Like comment Share So I'm Watching the Incredibles with the family and this happened Syndrome "And when everyone is super, no one will be." My Dad "Who is no one and why does he get to be super." My Dad Bursts out laughing Everone else REALLY! Dad X Messages Edit Hey dad do u belive in ghosts?? No son, there is no such things as ghosts. But our maid said that ghost were real Pack your bags Meet me in he car now Y WE DONT HAVE A MAID NED.com Send smart How did Anakin know what gift Obi-Wan was going to give him? He felt his presents. Dad fokes Wall of Shame hortobeadad.com SAO jungwildeandfree: thisismedisa ear in l stubbed my toe and naturally l screamed "mOTHERFUCKER'' and then my dad poked his head out of the livingroom and said "you rang?" hats off for the ultimate dad joke 87 792 notes What did the beach say to the other beach? Oh my god what now? Nothing they just waved Oh. Did you see what i did there? No. Im shore you did. How do you have friends? Don't be such a beach. My kid said to me "Dad,What's ET Short for OTO Whichi replied. because he's got little legs. WHAT DID THE HAT SAY TO THE HAT RACK? YOU STAY HERE ITM GOING TO GO ON AHEAD DRACULA DOESNT HAVE MANY FRIENDS BECAUSE HES A PAIN IN THE NECK MISS THE OLD TELEPHONES THEY WERE KINKY TURNING POINT By ANDYMAN1943 What's that wheel on your belt? WWW.TOONDOO.COM Arrr, it's driving me nuts! WOULD YOU LIKE SOMECHEESE WITH THAT WHINEP "Son, did you hear about that actress who was killed recently...Reese Withers...Wither-something." Son: Witherspoon?" Dad: "No, with a knife. Dad Joke Han Solo adadiokohansolo 13h What is a bounty hunter's favorite cheese? Boba Feta I'm sorry @KyloR3n was that joke to #cheesy for you!? Haha! I WOULD TELL A JOKE ABOUT PIZZA, BUT IT'S A LITTLE CHEESV. CHEERS TO LEGENDARV Heineken THEVD BE BRD IF THEW LUERENT DAD'S CHEERS TO LEGENDARV #DAD JOKES THEV D BE BAD IF THEW WEREn T DAD'S Heineken open your world DAD, Text Did you notice the big leek in the bathroom when you left? 1:03p No 2:11p type a text message 2:51 2:06p DAD JOKES top Aop What are you doing? I'm measuring your patience illustrations eswatercolour ~joke u/Oreosmooshy My dad came back from a business trip in America: ME: So, what's it like in San Francisco? DAD: A lot like Ireland, though everyone wears short-sleeved tops. ME: Why, is it really hot there? DAD: No, Americans wear short sleeves for constitutional reasons. ME: What DAD: Because the second amendment states that all Americans have the right to BARE ARMS!!! laughs uncontrollably tickld IIMTERRIFIEDOFELENATORS 'LL BETAKING STEPS TO AVOID THEM Dad Jokes t by shitty Watercolour You know son, I couldnt find a single shoe shop in town today... They all seemed to sell them in Pairs! Joke by uirandomsnark HAVE YOU MET MY KIOP HE HAS MY EYES! I NEED THEM BACK Why is water the most hipster element? Earth, Because i and Fir fore they In were famou 2:23 PM Verizon 3G Dad Edit Messages Dad, my computer can't find the WiFi printer anymore I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password Why Bob Marley? Because its always Jammin God damn it. Send WHYDIDNTTHE SHRIMP SHAREHISTREASURELUKE DARTHPLEASE THIS ISAVERY SERIOUS- BECAUSE HEWASALITTLESHELLFISH CHECK IT OUT, I'M THE FIRST PERSON EVER TO CLONE MYSELF! THAT'S AMAZING I BET I'M BESIDE MYSELF! YOU'RE PRETTY EXCITED! YOU DID THIS JUST TO MAKE THAT JOKE DIDN'T YOU BEST TWELVE BILLION DOLLARS I EVER SPENT Cyanide and Happiness O Explosm.net a 90% D 10:41 AM Verizon jenna m1213 PHOTO DeC 26, 20172 Dad there's a moth on the outside of the bathroom door can you get rid of it? Pls hurry because I'm going to cry Dad Dad Dec 26, 2012 2:30 PM Dad is dead. You're next. Love, Moth 19 likes jenna ma 1213 This was my sisters text message to my dad and my dad is frekin weird This is my dad His name is Cliff. DANGEROUS CLIFF STAY BACK Dad Hey kids, a train just passed by" Me and my siblings: How do you know?" Dad: It left its tracks It was funny the first time when I was 9. Now it's funny because it's dad humor "Dad, I'm hungry." "Hello Hungry, I'm dad." Dad, I'm serious." "I thought you were Hungry?" You're kidding me." "No, I'm dad." Me: Dad where are we? Dad: In the car. ITEM DIDN'T SCAN? TELL ME AGAIN HOW YOU THINKIT SHOULD IBF FRE enue memecenter-Com WITHOUT NIPPLES BOOBS WOULD BE POINTLESS ITS HARD TO ENPLAIN PUNS TO KLEPTOMANIACS THEY ALWAYS TAKE THINGS Dad Joke Han Solo Follow Odladjokehansolo What kind of car does a Jedi drive? A Toy-YODA! Ben are you old enough to drive l don't remember 110 207 11:33 PM 13 Jan 2016 HOW'S THE WATER? WET. CHEERS TO LEGENDARV #DAD JOKES THEV'D BE BAD IF THEV WEREn'T DAD'S Holland Imported by HeinekenUSAInc, .a York, NYe2013Heineken Lager Beer Heineken open your world WHAT IS BEETHOVEN'S FAVORITE FRUIT? BA-NA-NA-NA- A SHEEP, A DRUMANDASNAKE FALL DOWN A CLIFF BA-DUMM-TSS I WAS ADDICTED TO THE HOKEY POKEY BUT I TURNED MYSELF AROUND M ign com f HOW DO YOU SPOT THE BLIND GUY ATA NUDIST COLONY ITS NOT HARD CAn Vou GIUE ME A HAND? SURE, BUT I NEED IT BACK WHEN VOU'RE DOME. CHEERS TO LEGENDARV #DADJOKES WANTED TO BUYCAMOUFLAGE PANTS BUTICOULDNTFINDANY A three-legged dog walks into a bar Guess what he said to the bartender? Son Stop, Dad "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw." HOW'S YOUR JOBATTHE CALENDAR FACTORY GOING? IGOTAREDBECAUSEI TOOKACOUPLEOFDAYSoFF. When yo dad come back after 18 years saying "damn that line at Walmart was no joke" dope trvp WITH UELORO. IT'S A TOTAL RIP-OFF. CHEERS TO LEGEnDARV #DADJOKES MYGIRLFRIENDANDIWATCHEDEVERY HARRY POTTERMOVIE BACK TO BACK LUCKILY I WAS THE ONE FACING THE TV TO THE GUY WHO INVENTED TERO ZERO THANKS FOR NOTHING AT&T 3G 9:30 AM Dad Edit Messages Gas is 3.69 out here ...premium is even more Enough With the Saab story Damnit that's goo Send Ive started working as a porn writer but its harder than expected There just so many holes in the plot. WHY DID THE COWBOYGOTO CHURCH HETHOUGHT ITWASASTEAK CENTER Son Dad, are you alright? No. I'm half left. Dad lobes Wall of Shame howtobeladad.com SAD Hey Dad can I work a half-day today Me working for my dads company Half of a day is 12 hours Sure you can but *Troll DadBoss* problem? HOW DOES MOSES MAKE COFFEE? Hebrews it. quickmeme.com What do you call the fear of being trapped in a chimney? CLAUStrophobia. Dad lobes Wall of Shame howtobeadad.com I KNOWITSCHEESY BUT I FEEL GRATE LIHowdoylu Lind Will Smithin the snow- Look Lhe fresh prints Lu LA Son I Have A Joke For u Tell Me I Know You Dont I Dont Get It forev Pussy I Dont Get It FFUU UU U memecenter.com MameCenuera AN ADVIENTURED ALPACA MY BAGS What veggie do star athletes eat to run fast? Accelery ada djks What's the difference between a piano a tuna and glue? Son: What? You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna Son: What about the glue? I knew you'd get stuck there. Dad lobes Wall of Shame howtobeladad.com SAD JOKEDTOSTATICALLYCHARGED 8-YEAR-OLD THAT SHELL NEED TO BE GROUNDED SPENT REST OF EVENING EXPLAININGIWASNT PUNISHING HER Guy Dangerous @Lerky Son: "Mom, Dad.. I'm gay" Mom: *staring at dad Dad: ...*clenches fists Mom: ...don't! Dad: *sweats profusely Mom: Dad: HI GAY, IM DAD MY FIRST TIME USING AN ELEVATOR WAS AN UPLIFTING EXPERIENCE THE SECOND TIME LET ME DOWN Server: Do you want a cup or a bowl? Dad: That's probably a good idea. Otherwise it will just go all over the table. 22 WORDS.COM Dads universally make unfunny jokes and have terrible humor, and I'm just sitting here $100% screaming/crying.