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                            People Are Laughing At How Hollywood Portrays Other Countries In This Accurate Meme
                        
                    

                    
                

            
        
    
        
            
                

                    

                        
                    

                    
                    

                        
                            Monday Mailbag: Laughing in the Face of Death Edition
                        
                    

                    
                

            
        
    
    






    

    
        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
    
    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        relyonloveonceinawhile:
whoopsrobots:

equilateralwaffle:

kotsuso:

sophygurl:

blindly-nostalgic:

itseasytoremember:

itseasytoremember:

itseasytoremember:

itseasytoremember:

every day the same telemarketing company calls us. Iā€™ve asked to be taken off their calling list, Iā€™ve tried to be civil, Iā€™ve even tried to not answer the phone, yet theyā€™ll keep calling. So nowĀ Iā€™veĀ resorted to making the phones calls as annoying as possible for them.
Today I asked the person to hold while I got a pen and paper. As of now, theyā€™ve been waiting 45 minutes.

Update:
I just asked him if he was still there, then when he said yes i told him i had found a pen but no paper, but that iā€™m still looking. Itā€™s been an hour.

I HAVE LITERALLY BEEN ON TUMBLR AND YOUTUBE WHILE THIS GUY WAITS. ITā€™S BEEN ALMOST AN HOUR AND A HALF

Update:
After an hour and 35 minutes I told him that i had found paper, but my pen was dead. He hung up. Ah well, iā€™ll just do it again tomorrow!

You are the future

As a former telemarketer, I can tell you that the only reason that guy hung on the line for so long was because he didnā€™t really want to make any more calls anyway and was probably reading a book or chatting with friends while you pretended to find paper and pen. He was enjoying your mischief as much, if not more, than you were. You literally gave this guy an acceptable reason to take an hour and a half break. You are his hero. He likely only finally hung up because it was officially his break time anyway. He probably told all his co-workers about your call and theyā€™ll be laughing about it for weeks.

Holy shit, is this a happy ending to a post where everybody actually wins?

ACTUALLY YES because according to parental unit number one, telemarketers get paid by how long theyā€™re on the phone with someone. so you were literally helping this friend get paid by doing absolutely shit

vive la resistance

Chaotic Good
: relyonloveonceinawhile:
whoopsrobots:

equilateralwaffle:

kotsuso:

sophygurl:

blindly-nostalgic:

itseasytoremember:

itseasytoremember:

itseasytoremember:

itseasytoremember:

every day the same telemarketing company calls us. Iā€™ve asked to be taken off their calling list, Iā€™ve tried to be civil, Iā€™ve even tried to not answer the phone, yet theyā€™ll keep calling. So nowĀ Iā€™veĀ resorted to making the phones calls as annoying as possible for them.
Today I asked the person to hold while I got a pen and paper. As of now, theyā€™ve been waiting 45 minutes.

Update:
I just asked him if he was still there, then when he said yes i told him i had found a pen but no paper, but that iā€™m still looking. Itā€™s been an hour.

I HAVE LITERALLY BEEN ON TUMBLR AND YOUTUBE WHILE THIS GUY WAITS. ITā€™S BEEN ALMOST AN HOUR AND A HALF

Update:
After an hour and 35 minutes I told him that i had found paper, but my pen was dead. He hung up. Ah well, iā€™ll just do it again tomorrow!

You are the future

As a former telemarketer, I can tell you that the only reason that guy hung on the line for so long was because he didnā€™t really want to make any more calls anyway and was probably reading a book or chatting with friends while you pretended to find paper and pen. He was enjoying your mischief as much, if not more, than you were. You literally gave this guy an acceptable reason to take an hour and a half break. You are his hero. He likely only finally hung up because it was officially his break time anyway. He probably told all his co-workers about your call and theyā€™ll be laughing about it for weeks.

Holy shit, is this a happy ending to a post where everybody actually wins?

ACTUALLY YES because according to parental unit number one, telemarketers get paid by how long theyā€™re on the phone with someone. so you were literally helping this friend get paid by doing absolutely shit

vive la resistance

Chaotic Good

        

            
            

                
                
                    relyonloveonceinawhile:
whoopsrobots:

equilateralwaffle:

kotsuso:

sophygurl:

blindly-nostalgic:

itseasytoremember:

itseasytoremember:

itseasytoremember:

itseasytoremember:

every day the same telemarketing company calls us. Iā€™ve asked to be taken off their calling list, Iā€™ve tried to be civil, Iā€™ve even tried to not answer the phone, yet theyā€™ll keep calling. So nowĀ Iā€™veĀ resorted to making the phones calls as annoying as possible for them.
Today I asked the person to hold while I got a pen and paper. As of now, theyā€™ve been waiting 45 minutes.

Update:
I just asked him if he was still there, then when he said yes i told him i had found a pen but no paper, but that iā€™m still looking. Itā€™s been an hour.

I HAVE LITERALLY BEEN ON TUMBLR AND YOUTUBE WHILE THIS GUY WAITS. ITā€™S BEEN ALMOST AN HOUR AND A HALF

Update:
After an hour and 35 minutes I told him that i had found paper, but my pen was dead. He hung up. Ah well, iā€™ll just do it again tomorrow!

You are the future

As a former telemarketer, I can tell you that the only reason that guy hung on the line for so long was because he didnā€™t really want to make any more calls anyway and was probably reading a book or chatting with friends while you pretended to find paper and pen. He was enjoying your mischief as much, if not more, than you were. You literally gave this guy an acceptable reason to take an hour and a half break. You are his hero. He likely only finally hung up because it was officially his break time anyway. He probably told all his co-workers about your call and theyā€™ll be laughing about it for weeks.

Holy shit, is this a happy ending to a post where everybody actually wins?

ACTUALLY YES because according to parental unit number one, telemarketers get paid by how long theyā€™re on the phone with someone. so you were literally helping this friend get paid by doing absolutely shit

vive la resistance

Chaotic Good
: relyonloveonceinawhile:
whoopsrobots:

equilateralwaffle:

kotsuso:

sophygurl:

blindly-nostalgic:

itseasytoremember:

itseasytoremember:

itseasytoremember:

itseasytoremember:

every day the same telemarketing company calls us. Iā€™ve asked to be taken off their calling list, Iā€™ve tried to be civil, Iā€™ve even tried to not answer the phone, yet theyā€™ll keep calling. So nowĀ Iā€™veĀ resorted to making the phones calls as annoying as possible for them.
Today I asked the person to hold while I got a pen and paper. As of now, theyā€™ve been waiting 45 minutes.

Update:
I just asked him if he was still there, then when he said yes i told him i had found a pen but no paper, but that iā€™m still looking. Itā€™s been an hour.

I HAVE LITERALLY BEEN ON TUMBLR AND YOUTUBE WHILE THIS GUY WAITS. ITā€™S BEEN ALMOST AN HOUR AND A HALF

Update:
After an hour and 35 minutes I told him that i had found paper, but my pen was dead. He hung up. Ah well, iā€™ll just do it again tomorrow!

You are the future

As a former telemarketer, I can tell you that the only reason that guy hung on the line for so long was because he didnā€™t really want to make any more calls anyway and was probably reading a book or chatting with friends while you pretended to find paper and pen. He was enjoying your mischief as much, if not more, than you were. You literally gave this guy an acceptable reason to take an hour and a half break. You are his hero. He likely only finally hung up because it was officially his break time anyway. He probably told all his co-workers about your call and theyā€™ll be laughing about it for weeks.

Holy shit, is this a happy ending to a post where everybody actually wins?

ACTUALLY YES because according to parental unit number one, telemarketers get paid by how long theyā€™re on the phone with someone. so you were literally helping this friend get paid by doing absolutely shit

vive la resistance

Chaotic Good

                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
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        lowoncliches:

note-a-bear:
My mom sent this to me and iā€™m howling
White woman: Hi fellow white people. Are you having a sad because that family is enjoying a picnic in the park while being black? Did that customer in front of you just speak a language that makes you irrationally angry? Well this is a great time to try *holds up bottle* Mind Your Own Fucking Business. With Mind Your Own Fucking Business youā€™ll be able to grow the fuck up and act like a decent fucking human being. Our patented technology allows you to pull your head out of your ass and see the world beyond the brim of your MAGA hat.
White man: Hi honey, I saw some black people at the Starbucks today. 
Woman: Did you mind your own fucking business? 
Man: I sure fucking did. 
*both laughing*
Woman: Stop bothering those nice people today with Mind Your Own Fucking Business.
Man: Side effects may include not harassing people, no one getting arrested or murdered by police, a general sense of well-being for people of color, a lack of Internet fame and or trolling, and coexistence. Please consult a doctor if you are still a piece of shit after Minding Your Own Fucking Business as the symptoms may be result of a deeper problem and require further treatment.
Woman: Now available at Anthropology in Whole Foods.
[Censoring beeps removed for better readability.]
: lowoncliches:

note-a-bear:
My mom sent this to me and iā€™m howling
White woman: Hi fellow white people. Are you having a sad because that family is enjoying a picnic in the park while being black? Did that customer in front of you just speak a language that makes you irrationally angry? Well this is a great time to try *holds up bottle* Mind Your Own Fucking Business. With Mind Your Own Fucking Business youā€™ll be able to grow the fuck up and act like a decent fucking human being. Our patented technology allows you to pull your head out of your ass and see the world beyond the brim of your MAGA hat.
White man: Hi honey, I saw some black people at the Starbucks today. 
Woman: Did you mind your own fucking business? 
Man: I sure fucking did. 
*both laughing*
Woman: Stop bothering those nice people today with Mind Your Own Fucking Business.
Man: Side effects may include not harassing people, no one getting arrested or murdered by police, a general sense of well-being for people of color, a lack of Internet fame and or trolling, and coexistence. Please consult a doctor if you are still a piece of shit after Minding Your Own Fucking Business as the symptoms may be result of a deeper problem and require further treatment.
Woman: Now available at Anthropology in Whole Foods.
[Censoring beeps removed for better readability.]

        

            
            

                
                
                    lowoncliches:

note-a-bear:
My mom sent this to me and iā€™m howling
White woman: Hi fellow white people. Are you having a sad because that family is enjoying a picnic in the park while being black? Did that customer in front of you just speak a language that makes you irrationally angry? Well this is a great time to try *holds up bottle* Mind Your Own Fucking Business. With Mind Your Own Fucking Business youā€™ll be able to grow the fuck up and act like a decent fucking human being. Our patented technology allows you to pull your head out of your ass and see the world beyond the brim of your MAGA hat.
White man: Hi honey, I saw some black people at the Starbucks today. 
Woman: Did you mind your own fucking business? 
Man: I sure fucking did. 
*both laughing*
Woman: Stop bothering those nice people today with Mind Your Own Fucking Business.
Man: Side effects may include not harassing people, no one getting arrested or murdered by police, a general sense of well-being for people of color, a lack of Internet fame and or trolling, and coexistence. Please consult a doctor if you are still a piece of shit after Minding Your Own Fucking Business as the symptoms may be result of a deeper problem and require further treatment.
Woman: Now available at Anthropology in Whole Foods.
[Censoring beeps removed for better readability.]
: lowoncliches:

note-a-bear:
My mom sent this to me and iā€™m howling
White woman: Hi fellow white people. Are you having a sad because that family is enjoying a picnic in the park while being black? Did that customer in front of you just speak a language that makes you irrationally angry? Well this is a great time to try *holds up bottle* Mind Your Own Fucking Business. With Mind Your Own Fucking Business youā€™ll be able to grow the fuck up and act like a decent fucking human being. Our patented technology allows you to pull your head out of your ass and see the world beyond the brim of your MAGA hat.
White man: Hi honey, I saw some black people at the Starbucks today. 
Woman: Did you mind your own fucking business? 
Man: I sure fucking did. 
*both laughing*
Woman: Stop bothering those nice people today with Mind Your Own Fucking Business.
Man: Side effects may include not harassing people, no one getting arrested or murdered by police, a general sense of well-being for people of color, a lack of Internet fame and or trolling, and coexistence. Please consult a doctor if you are still a piece of shit after Minding Your Own Fucking Business as the symptoms may be result of a deeper problem and require further treatment.
Woman: Now available at Anthropology in Whole Foods.
[Censoring beeps removed for better readability.]

                    
                    

                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
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        saints-row-2:
heres a clip from the movie In A Valley of Violence where james ransone gives a speech that is so incredible me n my friend had to pause the movie because we were laughing too hard to keep watching itĀ Ā 
parts of this scene that i think are worthy of note:
the way that halfway through sayingĀ ā€œi need youā€ karen gillen obviously realises she doesnt actually need her terrible fiance james ransone that much and it comes out sounding like a question
that this film is set in like the 1800s but the way james ransone delivers his lines means that this entire exchange could be happening in the aisle over in a walmartĀ 
the complete uncertainty with which karen gillen saysĀ ā€œyesā€ like shes rapidly rethinking her entire life
š“²š“·š“¬š“µš“¾š“­š“²š“·š“° š“¶š”‚ š“Æš“Ŗš“½š“±š“®š“»
the face james ransone makes at the end where his entire mouth disappears
the single eye twitch at the last second that is such an incredible cherry on top of an already completely insane cake
: saints-row-2:
heres a clip from the movie In A Valley of Violence where james ransone gives a speech that is so incredible me n my friend had to pause the movie because we were laughing too hard to keep watching itĀ Ā 
parts of this scene that i think are worthy of note:
the way that halfway through sayingĀ ā€œi need youā€ karen gillen obviously realises she doesnt actually need her terrible fiance james ransone that much and it comes out sounding like a question
that this film is set in like the 1800s but the way james ransone delivers his lines means that this entire exchange could be happening in the aisle over in a walmartĀ 
the complete uncertainty with which karen gillen saysĀ ā€œyesā€ like shes rapidly rethinking her entire life
š“²š“·š“¬š“µš“¾š“­š“²š“·š“° š“¶š”‚ š“Æš“Ŗš“½š“±š“®š“»
the face james ransone makes at the end where his entire mouth disappears
the single eye twitch at the last second that is such an incredible cherry on top of an already completely insane cake

        

            
            

                
                
                    saints-row-2:
heres a clip from the movie In A Valley of Violence where james ransone gives a speech that is so incredible me n my friend had to pause the movie because we were laughing too hard to keep watching itĀ Ā 
parts of this scene that i think are worthy of note:
the way that halfway through sayingĀ ā€œi need youā€ karen gillen obviously realises she doesnt actually need her terrible fiance james ransone that much and it comes out sounding like a question
that this film is set in like the 1800s but the way james ransone delivers his lines means that this entire exchange could be happening in the aisle over in a walmartĀ 
the complete uncertainty with which karen gillen saysĀ ā€œyesā€ like shes rapidly rethinking her entire life
š“²š“·š“¬š“µš“¾š“­š“²š“·š“° š“¶š”‚ š“Æš“Ŗš“½š“±š“®š“»
the face james ransone makes at the end where his entire mouth disappears
the single eye twitch at the last second that is such an incredible cherry on top of an already completely insane cake
: saints-row-2:
heres a clip from the movie In A Valley of Violence where james ransone gives a speech that is so incredible me n my friend had to pause the movie because we were laughing too hard to keep watching itĀ Ā 
parts of this scene that i think are worthy of note:
the way that halfway through sayingĀ ā€œi need youā€ karen gillen obviously realises she doesnt actually need her terrible fiance james ransone that much and it comes out sounding like a question
that this film is set in like the 1800s but the way james ransone delivers his lines means that this entire exchange could be happening in the aisle over in a walmartĀ 
the complete uncertainty with which karen gillen saysĀ ā€œyesā€ like shes rapidly rethinking her entire life
š“²š“·š“¬š“µš“¾š“­š“²š“·š“° š“¶š”‚ š“Æš“Ŗš“½š“±š“®š“»
the face james ransone makes at the end where his entire mouth disappears
the single eye twitch at the last second that is such an incredible cherry on top of an already completely insane cake

                    
                    

                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
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        crispy-ghee:

Predator/Mass Effect - Citadel DLC - Seen (Part 3 of 3)Ā (Part 1 Here)(Part 2 Here)

Imagine now a montage of them hanging out about town, everyone around them going ā€˜what the actual fuck IS THAT,ā€™ and some straight up acting like they just saw the galactic equivalent of Bigfoot (which is about as close an analogue as you can get to how the Yautja are viewed), except instead of traipsing around the woods, Bigfoot is watching some street performer and laughing about something in a language no one canĀ understand.Ā But itā€™s okay, neither Shepard nor Cousin mind. For tomorrow, the final hunt begins, and they stand beside each other now full well knowing that soon it might be that one or both of them falls.Ā Hope that was Citadel-appropriate levels of mushy for you! That was fun to make. Thanks for reading!: crispy-ghee:

Predator/Mass Effect - Citadel DLC - Seen (Part 3 of 3)Ā (Part 1 Here)(Part 2 Here)

Imagine now a montage of them hanging out about town, everyone around them going ā€˜what the actual fuck IS THAT,ā€™ and some straight up acting like they just saw the galactic equivalent of Bigfoot (which is about as close an analogue as you can get to how the Yautja are viewed), except instead of traipsing around the woods, Bigfoot is watching some street performer and laughing about something in a language no one canĀ understand.Ā But itā€™s okay, neither Shepard nor Cousin mind. For tomorrow, the final hunt begins, and they stand beside each other now full well knowing that soon it might be that one or both of them falls.Ā Hope that was Citadel-appropriate levels of mushy for you! That was fun to make. Thanks for reading!
        

            
            

                
                
                    crispy-ghee:

Predator/Mass Effect - Citadel DLC - Seen (Part 3 of 3)Ā (Part 1 Here)(Part 2 Here)

Imagine now a montage of them hanging out about town, everyone around them going ā€˜what the actual fuck IS THAT,ā€™ and some straight up acting like they just saw the galactic equivalent of Bigfoot (which is about as close an analogue as you can get to how the Yautja are viewed), except instead of traipsing around the woods, Bigfoot is watching some street performer and laughing about something in a language no one canĀ understand.Ā But itā€™s okay, neither Shepard nor Cousin mind. For tomorrow, the final hunt begins, and they stand beside each other now full well knowing that soon it might be that one or both of them falls.Ā Hope that was Citadel-appropriate levels of mushy for you! That was fun to make. Thanks for reading!: crispy-ghee:

Predator/Mass Effect - Citadel DLC - Seen (Part 3 of 3)Ā (Part 1 Here)(Part 2 Here)

Imagine now a montage of them hanging out about town, everyone around them going ā€˜what the actual fuck IS THAT,ā€™ and some straight up acting like they just saw the galactic equivalent of Bigfoot (which is about as close an analogue as you can get to how the Yautja are viewed), except instead of traipsing around the woods, Bigfoot is watching some street performer and laughing about something in a language no one canĀ understand.Ā But itā€™s okay, neither Shepard nor Cousin mind. For tomorrow, the final hunt begins, and they stand beside each other now full well knowing that soon it might be that one or both of them falls.Ā Hope that was Citadel-appropriate levels of mushy for you! That was fun to make. Thanks for reading!
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
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        legitimatelala:
a-snarling-slytherin:

satanstrousers:

sweaterkittensahoy:


leaper182:


jenovaii:


littlekiwi37-archive:


nicole-coenen:
Women Self Defense in 1947

Iā€™m not sure whatā€™s the best part of this video: the fact that sheā€™s in heels, the fact that she does the whole thing looking like she donā€™t give a fuck, that chick in the back just exercising and enjoying the show, or the fact that both men and women are observing this and the girls are laughing and the guys look concerned/pensive as fuck as they watch all their tactics get shut down like nothing is even happening.


ā€¦ msties is it just me or is this familiar?


Some of these are moves I havenā€™t seen before.


Some of this looks similar to the self defense I learned in a course three or four years ago. Itā€™s definitely got some judo in it (arm bars, throws, fighting to and from the ground). I love this lady. She is rad. I feel like she, much like the rad lady I had as my self defense teacher, would also warn the women that if they donā€™t think they can gouge out someoneā€™s eyes, donā€™t start trying because youā€™ll attack better with something you can follow through on.


crimelords Iā€™m sorry I couldnā€™t not reblog this for you


The cheerful music makes it even better 



Exactly the music sets it off
: legitimatelala:
a-snarling-slytherin:

satanstrousers:

sweaterkittensahoy:


leaper182:


jenovaii:


littlekiwi37-archive:


nicole-coenen:
Women Self Defense in 1947

Iā€™m not sure whatā€™s the best part of this video: the fact that sheā€™s in heels, the fact that she does the whole thing looking like she donā€™t give a fuck, that chick in the back just exercising and enjoying the show, or the fact that both men and women are observing this and the girls are laughing and the guys look concerned/pensive as fuck as they watch all their tactics get shut down like nothing is even happening.


ā€¦ msties is it just me or is this familiar?


Some of these are moves I havenā€™t seen before.


Some of this looks similar to the self defense I learned in a course three or four years ago. Itā€™s definitely got some judo in it (arm bars, throws, fighting to and from the ground). I love this lady. She is rad. I feel like she, much like the rad lady I had as my self defense teacher, would also warn the women that if they donā€™t think they can gouge out someoneā€™s eyes, donā€™t start trying because youā€™ll attack better with something you can follow through on.


crimelords Iā€™m sorry I couldnā€™t not reblog this for you


The cheerful music makes it even better 



Exactly the music sets it off

        

            
            

                
                
                    legitimatelala:
a-snarling-slytherin:

satanstrousers:

sweaterkittensahoy:


leaper182:


jenovaii:


littlekiwi37-archive:


nicole-coenen:
Women Self Defense in 1947

Iā€™m not sure whatā€™s the best part of this video: the fact that sheā€™s in heels, the fact that she does the whole thing looking like she donā€™t give a fuck, that chick in the back just exercising and enjoying the show, or the fact that both men and women are observing this and the girls are laughing and the guys look concerned/pensive as fuck as they watch all their tactics get shut down like nothing is even happening.


ā€¦ msties is it just me or is this familiar?


Some of these are moves I havenā€™t seen before.


Some of this looks similar to the self defense I learned in a course three or four years ago. Itā€™s definitely got some judo in it (arm bars, throws, fighting to and from the ground). I love this lady. She is rad. I feel like she, much like the rad lady I had as my self defense teacher, would also warn the women that if they donā€™t think they can gouge out someoneā€™s eyes, donā€™t start trying because youā€™ll attack better with something you can follow through on.


crimelords Iā€™m sorry I couldnā€™t not reblog this for you


The cheerful music makes it even better 



Exactly the music sets it off
: legitimatelala:
a-snarling-slytherin:

satanstrousers:

sweaterkittensahoy:


leaper182:


jenovaii:


littlekiwi37-archive:


nicole-coenen:
Women Self Defense in 1947

Iā€™m not sure whatā€™s the best part of this video: the fact that sheā€™s in heels, the fact that she does the whole thing looking like she donā€™t give a fuck, that chick in the back just exercising and enjoying the show, or the fact that both men and women are observing this and the girls are laughing and the guys look concerned/pensive as fuck as they watch all their tactics get shut down like nothing is even happening.


ā€¦ msties is it just me or is this familiar?


Some of these are moves I havenā€™t seen before.


Some of this looks similar to the self defense I learned in a course three or four years ago. Itā€™s definitely got some judo in it (arm bars, throws, fighting to and from the ground). I love this lady. She is rad. I feel like she, much like the rad lady I had as my self defense teacher, would also warn the women that if they donā€™t think they can gouge out someoneā€™s eyes, donā€™t start trying because youā€™ll attack better with something you can follow through on.


crimelords Iā€™m sorry I couldnā€™t not reblog this for you


The cheerful music makes it even better 



Exactly the music sets it off

                    
                    

                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        cereusblue:
unnameablethings:


dragonsateyourtoast:

redporkpadthai:

dragonsateyourtoast:

otherwindow:

otherwindow:
This is how the golden age of piracy ended.
The first mermaid to get tattoos :)


ā€œwe didnā€™t know any better,ā€ the crewman says, and swallows, presenting the chest to the captain. ā€œwhat do we do now?ā€
ā€œkill it,ā€ the captain says, but the ice is melting in his eyes.
ā€œwe canā€™t,ā€ the first mate says desperately, praying she wonā€™t have to fight her captain on this. ā€œwe canā€™t. we - i wonā€™t. we wonā€™t.ā€
ā€œi know.ā€
x
ā€œdaddy,ā€ she says, floating in a tub of seawater in the hold, ā€œdaddy, la-la, la-la-la.ā€
her voice rings like bells. her accent is strange; her mouth isnā€™t made for human words. it mesmerises even the hardiest amongst them and she wasnā€™t even trying. the crew has taken to diving for shellfish near the shorelines for her; she loves them, splitting the shells apart with strength seen in no human toddler, slurping down the slimy molluscs inside and laughing, all plump brown cheeks and needle-sharp teeth. she sometimes splashes them for fun with her smooth, rubbery brown tail. even when they get soaked they laugh. they love her.
ā€œdaddy,ā€ she calls again, and he can hear the worry in her voice. the storm rocking the ship is harsh and uncaring, and if they go down, she would be the only survivor.
ā€œdonā€™t worry,ā€ he says, and goes over, sitting next to the tub. the first mate, leaning against the wall, pretends not to notice as he quietly begins to sing.
x
ā€œfather,ā€ she says, one day, as she leans on the edge of the dock and the captain sits next to her, ā€œwhy am I here?ā€
ā€œyour mother abandoned you,ā€ he says, as he always has. ā€œwe found you adrift, and couldnā€™t bear to leave you there.ā€
she picks at the salt-soaked boards, uncertain. her hair is pulled back in a fluffy black puff, the white linen holding it slipping almost over one of her dark eyes. one of her first tattoos, a many-limbed kraken, curls over her right shoulder and down her arm, delicate tendrils wrapped around her calloused fingertips. ā€œalright,ā€ she says.
x
ā€œwhy am I really here?ā€ she asks the first mate, watching the sun set over the water in streaks of liquid metal that pooled in the troughs of the waves and glittered on the seafoam.
ā€œwe didnā€™t know any better,ā€ the first mate says, staring into the water. ā€œwe didnā€™t know- we didnā€™t know anything. we didnā€™t understand why she fought so viciously to guard her treasure. we could not know she protected something a thousand times more precious than the purest gold.ā€
she wants to be furious, but she canā€™t. she already knew the answer, from reading the guilt in her fatherā€™s eyes and the empty space in her own history. and she canā€™t hate her family.
ā€œitā€™s alright,ā€ she says. ā€œi do have a family, anyways. i donā€™t think i would have liked my other life near as much.ā€
x
her kraken grows, spreading its tendrils over her torso and arms. she grows too, too large to come on board the ship without being hauled up in a boat from the water. she sings when the storms come and swims before the ship to guide it to safety. she fights off more than one beast of the seas, and gathers a set of scars across her back that she bears with pride. ā€œi donā€™t mind,ā€ she says, when the captain fusses over her, ā€œnow i match all of you.ā€
the first time their ship is threatened, really threatened, is by another fleet. a friend turned enemy of the first mate. ā€œwe shouldnā€™t fight him,ā€ she says, peering through the spyglass.
ā€œwhy not?ā€ the mermaid asks.
ā€œheā€™ll win,ā€ the first mate says.
the mermaid tips her head sideways. Her eyes, dark as the deep waters, gleam in the noon light. ā€œare you sure?ā€ she asks.
x
the enemy fleet surrenders after the flagship is sunk in the night, the anchor ripped off the ship and the planks torn off the hull. the surviving crew, wild-eyed and delirious, whimper and say a sea serpent came from the water and attacked them, say it was longer than the boat and crushed it in its coils. the first mate hears this and has to hide her laughter. the captain apologizes to his daughter for doubting her.
ā€œdonā€™t worry,ā€ she says, with a bright laugh, ā€œit was fun.ā€
x
the second time, they are pushed by a storm into a royal fleet. they canā€™t possibly fight them, and they donā€™t have the time to escape.
ā€œlet me up,ā€ the mermaid urges, surfacing starboard and shouting to the crew. ā€œbring me up, quickly, quickly.ā€
they lower the boat and she piles her sinous form into it, and uses her claws to help the crew pull her up. once on the deck she flops out of the boat and makes her way over to the bow. the crew tries to help but sheā€™s so heavy they can barely lift parts of her.
she crawls up out in front of the rail and wraps her long webbed tail around the prow. the figurehead has served them well so far but they need more right now. she wraps herself around the figurehead and raises her body up into the wind takes a breath of the stinging salt air and sings.
the storm carries her voice on its front to the royal navy. they are enchanted, so stunned by her song that they drop the rigging ropes and let the tillers drift. the pirates sail through the center of the fleet, trailing the storm behind them, and by the time the fleet has managed to regain its senses they are buried in wind and rain and the pirates are gone.
x
she declines guns. instead she carries a harpoon and its launcher, and uses them to board enemy ships, hauling her massive form out of the water to coil on the deck and dispatch enemies with ruthless efficiency. her family is feared across all the sea.
x
ā€œyou know we are dying,ā€ the captain says, looking down at her.
she floats next to the ship, so massive she could hold it in her arms. her eyes are wise.
ā€œi know,ā€ she says, ā€œi can feel it coming.ā€
the first mate stands next to the captain. she never had a lover or a child, and neither did he, but to the mermaid they are her parents. she will always love her daughter. the tattoos are graven in dark swirls across the mermaidā€™s deep brown skin and the flesh of her tail, even spiraling onto the spiked webbing on her spine and face. her hair is still tied back, this time with a sail that could not be patched one last time. 
ā€œwe love you,ā€ the first mate says simply, looking down. her own tightly coiled black hair falls in to her face; she shakes the locs out of the way and smiles through her tears. the captain pretends he isnt crying either.
ā€œi love you too,ā€ the mermaid says, and reached up to pull the ship down just a bit, just to hold them one last time.
ā€œguard the ship,ā€ the captain says. ā€œyou always have but you know theyā€™re lost without you.ā€
ā€œwithout you,ā€ the mermaid corrects, with a shrug that makes waves. ā€œwhat will we do?ā€
ā€œi donā€™t know,ā€ the captain says. ā€œbut youā€™ll help them, wonā€™t you?ā€
ā€œof course i will,ā€ she scoffs, rolling her eyes. ā€œi will always protect my family.ā€
x
the captain and the first mate are gone. the ship has a new captain, young and fearless - of the things she can afford to disregard. she fears and loves the ocean, as all captains do. she does not fear the royal fleet. and she does not fear the mermaid.
ā€œyou know, i heard stories about you when i was a little girl,ā€ she says, trailing her fingers in the water next to the dock.
the mermaid stares at her with one eye the size of a dinner table. ā€œis that so?ā€ she hums, smirking with teeth sharper than the swords of the entire navy.
ā€œthey said you could sink an entire fleet and that you had skin tougher than dragon scales,ā€ the new captain says, grinning right back at the monster who could eat her without a momentā€™s hesitation. ā€œi always thought they were telling tall tales.ā€
ā€œand now?ā€
ā€œthey were right,ā€ the new captain says. ā€œhow did they ever befriend you?ā€
the mermaid smiles, fully this time, her dark eyes gleaming under the white linen sail. ā€œthey didnā€™t know any better.ā€

She protects her family.

Hi everybody! Guess whatā€™s being posted on AO3 now at the following link!
https://archiveofourown.org/works/22498384/chapters/53760817
Thatā€™s right! Here you go. Iā€™ll be uploading it in some chunks, because I want to make sure I have everything I wanted edited cleanly finished, but follow the story there!




HEY GUYS GUESS WHATS BACK ON THE DASHBOARD AND BETTER THAN EVER
: cereusblue:
unnameablethings:


dragonsateyourtoast:

redporkpadthai:

dragonsateyourtoast:

otherwindow:

otherwindow:
This is how the golden age of piracy ended.
The first mermaid to get tattoos :)


ā€œwe didnā€™t know any better,ā€ the crewman says, and swallows, presenting the chest to the captain. ā€œwhat do we do now?ā€
ā€œkill it,ā€ the captain says, but the ice is melting in his eyes.
ā€œwe canā€™t,ā€ the first mate says desperately, praying she wonā€™t have to fight her captain on this. ā€œwe canā€™t. we - i wonā€™t. we wonā€™t.ā€
ā€œi know.ā€
x
ā€œdaddy,ā€ she says, floating in a tub of seawater in the hold, ā€œdaddy, la-la, la-la-la.ā€
her voice rings like bells. her accent is strange; her mouth isnā€™t made for human words. it mesmerises even the hardiest amongst them and she wasnā€™t even trying. the crew has taken to diving for shellfish near the shorelines for her; she loves them, splitting the shells apart with strength seen in no human toddler, slurping down the slimy molluscs inside and laughing, all plump brown cheeks and needle-sharp teeth. she sometimes splashes them for fun with her smooth, rubbery brown tail. even when they get soaked they laugh. they love her.
ā€œdaddy,ā€ she calls again, and he can hear the worry in her voice. the storm rocking the ship is harsh and uncaring, and if they go down, she would be the only survivor.
ā€œdonā€™t worry,ā€ he says, and goes over, sitting next to the tub. the first mate, leaning against the wall, pretends not to notice as he quietly begins to sing.
x
ā€œfather,ā€ she says, one day, as she leans on the edge of the dock and the captain sits next to her, ā€œwhy am I here?ā€
ā€œyour mother abandoned you,ā€ he says, as he always has. ā€œwe found you adrift, and couldnā€™t bear to leave you there.ā€
she picks at the salt-soaked boards, uncertain. her hair is pulled back in a fluffy black puff, the white linen holding it slipping almost over one of her dark eyes. one of her first tattoos, a many-limbed kraken, curls over her right shoulder and down her arm, delicate tendrils wrapped around her calloused fingertips. ā€œalright,ā€ she says.
x
ā€œwhy am I really here?ā€ she asks the first mate, watching the sun set over the water in streaks of liquid metal that pooled in the troughs of the waves and glittered on the seafoam.
ā€œwe didnā€™t know any better,ā€ the first mate says, staring into the water. ā€œwe didnā€™t know- we didnā€™t know anything. we didnā€™t understand why she fought so viciously to guard her treasure. we could not know she protected something a thousand times more precious than the purest gold.ā€
she wants to be furious, but she canā€™t. she already knew the answer, from reading the guilt in her fatherā€™s eyes and the empty space in her own history. and she canā€™t hate her family.
ā€œitā€™s alright,ā€ she says. ā€œi do have a family, anyways. i donā€™t think i would have liked my other life near as much.ā€
x
her kraken grows, spreading its tendrils over her torso and arms. she grows too, too large to come on board the ship without being hauled up in a boat from the water. she sings when the storms come and swims before the ship to guide it to safety. she fights off more than one beast of the seas, and gathers a set of scars across her back that she bears with pride. ā€œi donā€™t mind,ā€ she says, when the captain fusses over her, ā€œnow i match all of you.ā€
the first time their ship is threatened, really threatened, is by another fleet. a friend turned enemy of the first mate. ā€œwe shouldnā€™t fight him,ā€ she says, peering through the spyglass.
ā€œwhy not?ā€ the mermaid asks.
ā€œheā€™ll win,ā€ the first mate says.
the mermaid tips her head sideways. Her eyes, dark as the deep waters, gleam in the noon light. ā€œare you sure?ā€ she asks.
x
the enemy fleet surrenders after the flagship is sunk in the night, the anchor ripped off the ship and the planks torn off the hull. the surviving crew, wild-eyed and delirious, whimper and say a sea serpent came from the water and attacked them, say it was longer than the boat and crushed it in its coils. the first mate hears this and has to hide her laughter. the captain apologizes to his daughter for doubting her.
ā€œdonā€™t worry,ā€ she says, with a bright laugh, ā€œit was fun.ā€
x
the second time, they are pushed by a storm into a royal fleet. they canā€™t possibly fight them, and they donā€™t have the time to escape.
ā€œlet me up,ā€ the mermaid urges, surfacing starboard and shouting to the crew. ā€œbring me up, quickly, quickly.ā€
they lower the boat and she piles her sinous form into it, and uses her claws to help the crew pull her up. once on the deck she flops out of the boat and makes her way over to the bow. the crew tries to help but sheā€™s so heavy they can barely lift parts of her.
she crawls up out in front of the rail and wraps her long webbed tail around the prow. the figurehead has served them well so far but they need more right now. she wraps herself around the figurehead and raises her body up into the wind takes a breath of the stinging salt air and sings.
the storm carries her voice on its front to the royal navy. they are enchanted, so stunned by her song that they drop the rigging ropes and let the tillers drift. the pirates sail through the center of the fleet, trailing the storm behind them, and by the time the fleet has managed to regain its senses they are buried in wind and rain and the pirates are gone.
x
she declines guns. instead she carries a harpoon and its launcher, and uses them to board enemy ships, hauling her massive form out of the water to coil on the deck and dispatch enemies with ruthless efficiency. her family is feared across all the sea.
x
ā€œyou know we are dying,ā€ the captain says, looking down at her.
she floats next to the ship, so massive she could hold it in her arms. her eyes are wise.
ā€œi know,ā€ she says, ā€œi can feel it coming.ā€
the first mate stands next to the captain. she never had a lover or a child, and neither did he, but to the mermaid they are her parents. she will always love her daughter. the tattoos are graven in dark swirls across the mermaidā€™s deep brown skin and the flesh of her tail, even spiraling onto the spiked webbing on her spine and face. her hair is still tied back, this time with a sail that could not be patched one last time. 
ā€œwe love you,ā€ the first mate says simply, looking down. her own tightly coiled black hair falls in to her face; she shakes the locs out of the way and smiles through her tears. the captain pretends he isnt crying either.
ā€œi love you too,ā€ the mermaid says, and reached up to pull the ship down just a bit, just to hold them one last time.
ā€œguard the ship,ā€ the captain says. ā€œyou always have but you know theyā€™re lost without you.ā€
ā€œwithout you,ā€ the mermaid corrects, with a shrug that makes waves. ā€œwhat will we do?ā€
ā€œi donā€™t know,ā€ the captain says. ā€œbut youā€™ll help them, wonā€™t you?ā€
ā€œof course i will,ā€ she scoffs, rolling her eyes. ā€œi will always protect my family.ā€
x
the captain and the first mate are gone. the ship has a new captain, young and fearless - of the things she can afford to disregard. she fears and loves the ocean, as all captains do. she does not fear the royal fleet. and she does not fear the mermaid.
ā€œyou know, i heard stories about you when i was a little girl,ā€ she says, trailing her fingers in the water next to the dock.
the mermaid stares at her with one eye the size of a dinner table. ā€œis that so?ā€ she hums, smirking with teeth sharper than the swords of the entire navy.
ā€œthey said you could sink an entire fleet and that you had skin tougher than dragon scales,ā€ the new captain says, grinning right back at the monster who could eat her without a momentā€™s hesitation. ā€œi always thought they were telling tall tales.ā€
ā€œand now?ā€
ā€œthey were right,ā€ the new captain says. ā€œhow did they ever befriend you?ā€
the mermaid smiles, fully this time, her dark eyes gleaming under the white linen sail. ā€œthey didnā€™t know any better.ā€

She protects her family.

Hi everybody! Guess whatā€™s being posted on AO3 now at the following link!
https://archiveofourown.org/works/22498384/chapters/53760817
Thatā€™s right! Here you go. Iā€™ll be uploading it in some chunks, because I want to make sure I have everything I wanted edited cleanly finished, but follow the story there!




HEY GUYS GUESS WHATS BACK ON THE DASHBOARD AND BETTER THAN EVER

        

            
            

                
                
                    cereusblue:
unnameablethings:


dragonsateyourtoast:

redporkpadthai:

dragonsateyourtoast:

otherwindow:

otherwindow:
This is how the golden age of piracy ended.
The first mermaid to get tattoos :)


ā€œwe didnā€™t know any better,ā€ the crewman says, and swallows, presenting the chest to the captain. ā€œwhat do we do now?ā€
ā€œkill it,ā€ the captain says, but the ice is melting in his eyes.
ā€œwe canā€™t,ā€ the first mate says desperately, praying she wonā€™t have to fight her captain on this. ā€œwe canā€™t. we - i wonā€™t. we wonā€™t.ā€
ā€œi know.ā€
x
ā€œdaddy,ā€ she says, floating in a tub of seawater in the hold, ā€œdaddy, la-la, la-la-la.ā€
her voice rings like bells. her accent is strange; her mouth isnā€™t made for human words. it mesmerises even the hardiest amongst them and she wasnā€™t even trying. the crew has taken to diving for shellfish near the shorelines for her; she loves them, splitting the shells apart with strength seen in no human toddler, slurping down the slimy molluscs inside and laughing, all plump brown cheeks and needle-sharp teeth. she sometimes splashes them for fun with her smooth, rubbery brown tail. even when they get soaked they laugh. they love her.
ā€œdaddy,ā€ she calls again, and he can hear the worry in her voice. the storm rocking the ship is harsh and uncaring, and if they go down, she would be the only survivor.
ā€œdonā€™t worry,ā€ he says, and goes over, sitting next to the tub. the first mate, leaning against the wall, pretends not to notice as he quietly begins to sing.
x
ā€œfather,ā€ she says, one day, as she leans on the edge of the dock and the captain sits next to her, ā€œwhy am I here?ā€
ā€œyour mother abandoned you,ā€ he says, as he always has. ā€œwe found you adrift, and couldnā€™t bear to leave you there.ā€
she picks at the salt-soaked boards, uncertain. her hair is pulled back in a fluffy black puff, the white linen holding it slipping almost over one of her dark eyes. one of her first tattoos, a many-limbed kraken, curls over her right shoulder and down her arm, delicate tendrils wrapped around her calloused fingertips. ā€œalright,ā€ she says.
x
ā€œwhy am I really here?ā€ she asks the first mate, watching the sun set over the water in streaks of liquid metal that pooled in the troughs of the waves and glittered on the seafoam.
ā€œwe didnā€™t know any better,ā€ the first mate says, staring into the water. ā€œwe didnā€™t know- we didnā€™t know anything. we didnā€™t understand why she fought so viciously to guard her treasure. we could not know she protected something a thousand times more precious than the purest gold.ā€
she wants to be furious, but she canā€™t. she already knew the answer, from reading the guilt in her fatherā€™s eyes and the empty space in her own history. and she canā€™t hate her family.
ā€œitā€™s alright,ā€ she says. ā€œi do have a family, anyways. i donā€™t think i would have liked my other life near as much.ā€
x
her kraken grows, spreading its tendrils over her torso and arms. she grows too, too large to come on board the ship without being hauled up in a boat from the water. she sings when the storms come and swims before the ship to guide it to safety. she fights off more than one beast of the seas, and gathers a set of scars across her back that she bears with pride. ā€œi donā€™t mind,ā€ she says, when the captain fusses over her, ā€œnow i match all of you.ā€
the first time their ship is threatened, really threatened, is by another fleet. a friend turned enemy of the first mate. ā€œwe shouldnā€™t fight him,ā€ she says, peering through the spyglass.
ā€œwhy not?ā€ the mermaid asks.
ā€œheā€™ll win,ā€ the first mate says.
the mermaid tips her head sideways. Her eyes, dark as the deep waters, gleam in the noon light. ā€œare you sure?ā€ she asks.
x
the enemy fleet surrenders after the flagship is sunk in the night, the anchor ripped off the ship and the planks torn off the hull. the surviving crew, wild-eyed and delirious, whimper and say a sea serpent came from the water and attacked them, say it was longer than the boat and crushed it in its coils. the first mate hears this and has to hide her laughter. the captain apologizes to his daughter for doubting her.
ā€œdonā€™t worry,ā€ she says, with a bright laugh, ā€œit was fun.ā€
x
the second time, they are pushed by a storm into a royal fleet. they canā€™t possibly fight them, and they donā€™t have the time to escape.
ā€œlet me up,ā€ the mermaid urges, surfacing starboard and shouting to the crew. ā€œbring me up, quickly, quickly.ā€
they lower the boat and she piles her sinous form into it, and uses her claws to help the crew pull her up. once on the deck she flops out of the boat and makes her way over to the bow. the crew tries to help but sheā€™s so heavy they can barely lift parts of her.
she crawls up out in front of the rail and wraps her long webbed tail around the prow. the figurehead has served them well so far but they need more right now. she wraps herself around the figurehead and raises her body up into the wind takes a breath of the stinging salt air and sings.
the storm carries her voice on its front to the royal navy. they are enchanted, so stunned by her song that they drop the rigging ropes and let the tillers drift. the pirates sail through the center of the fleet, trailing the storm behind them, and by the time the fleet has managed to regain its senses they are buried in wind and rain and the pirates are gone.
x
she declines guns. instead she carries a harpoon and its launcher, and uses them to board enemy ships, hauling her massive form out of the water to coil on the deck and dispatch enemies with ruthless efficiency. her family is feared across all the sea.
x
ā€œyou know we are dying,ā€ the captain says, looking down at her.
she floats next to the ship, so massive she could hold it in her arms. her eyes are wise.
ā€œi know,ā€ she says, ā€œi can feel it coming.ā€
the first mate stands next to the captain. she never had a lover or a child, and neither did he, but to the mermaid they are her parents. she will always love her daughter. the tattoos are graven in dark swirls across the mermaidā€™s deep brown skin and the flesh of her tail, even spiraling onto the spiked webbing on her spine and face. her hair is still tied back, this time with a sail that could not be patched one last time. 
ā€œwe love you,ā€ the first mate says simply, looking down. her own tightly coiled black hair falls in to her face; she shakes the locs out of the way and smiles through her tears. the captain pretends he isnt crying either.
ā€œi love you too,ā€ the mermaid says, and reached up to pull the ship down just a bit, just to hold them one last time.
ā€œguard the ship,ā€ the captain says. ā€œyou always have but you know theyā€™re lost without you.ā€
ā€œwithout you,ā€ the mermaid corrects, with a shrug that makes waves. ā€œwhat will we do?ā€
ā€œi donā€™t know,ā€ the captain says. ā€œbut youā€™ll help them, wonā€™t you?ā€
ā€œof course i will,ā€ she scoffs, rolling her eyes. ā€œi will always protect my family.ā€
x
the captain and the first mate are gone. the ship has a new captain, young and fearless - of the things she can afford to disregard. she fears and loves the ocean, as all captains do. she does not fear the royal fleet. and she does not fear the mermaid.
ā€œyou know, i heard stories about you when i was a little girl,ā€ she says, trailing her fingers in the water next to the dock.
the mermaid stares at her with one eye the size of a dinner table. ā€œis that so?ā€ she hums, smirking with teeth sharper than the swords of the entire navy.
ā€œthey said you could sink an entire fleet and that you had skin tougher than dragon scales,ā€ the new captain says, grinning right back at the monster who could eat her without a momentā€™s hesitation. ā€œi always thought they were telling tall tales.ā€
ā€œand now?ā€
ā€œthey were right,ā€ the new captain says. ā€œhow did they ever befriend you?ā€
the mermaid smiles, fully this time, her dark eyes gleaming under the white linen sail. ā€œthey didnā€™t know any better.ā€

She protects her family.

Hi everybody! Guess whatā€™s being posted on AO3 now at the following link!
https://archiveofourown.org/works/22498384/chapters/53760817
Thatā€™s right! Here you go. Iā€™ll be uploading it in some chunks, because I want to make sure I have everything I wanted edited cleanly finished, but follow the story there!




HEY GUYS GUESS WHATS BACK ON THE DASHBOARD AND BETTER THAN EVER
: cereusblue:
unnameablethings:


dragonsateyourtoast:

redporkpadthai:

dragonsateyourtoast:

otherwindow:

otherwindow:
This is how the golden age of piracy ended.
The first mermaid to get tattoos :)


ā€œwe didnā€™t know any better,ā€ the crewman says, and swallows, presenting the chest to the captain. ā€œwhat do we do now?ā€
ā€œkill it,ā€ the captain says, but the ice is melting in his eyes.
ā€œwe canā€™t,ā€ the first mate says desperately, praying she wonā€™t have to fight her captain on this. ā€œwe canā€™t. we - i wonā€™t. we wonā€™t.ā€
ā€œi know.ā€
x
ā€œdaddy,ā€ she says, floating in a tub of seawater in the hold, ā€œdaddy, la-la, la-la-la.ā€
her voice rings like bells. her accent is strange; her mouth isnā€™t made for human words. it mesmerises even the hardiest amongst them and she wasnā€™t even trying. the crew has taken to diving for shellfish near the shorelines for her; she loves them, splitting the shells apart with strength seen in no human toddler, slurping down the slimy molluscs inside and laughing, all plump brown cheeks and needle-sharp teeth. she sometimes splashes them for fun with her smooth, rubbery brown tail. even when they get soaked they laugh. they love her.
ā€œdaddy,ā€ she calls again, and he can hear the worry in her voice. the storm rocking the ship is harsh and uncaring, and if they go down, she would be the only survivor.
ā€œdonā€™t worry,ā€ he says, and goes over, sitting next to the tub. the first mate, leaning against the wall, pretends not to notice as he quietly begins to sing.
x
ā€œfather,ā€ she says, one day, as she leans on the edge of the dock and the captain sits next to her, ā€œwhy am I here?ā€
ā€œyour mother abandoned you,ā€ he says, as he always has. ā€œwe found you adrift, and couldnā€™t bear to leave you there.ā€
she picks at the salt-soaked boards, uncertain. her hair is pulled back in a fluffy black puff, the white linen holding it slipping almost over one of her dark eyes. one of her first tattoos, a many-limbed kraken, curls over her right shoulder and down her arm, delicate tendrils wrapped around her calloused fingertips. ā€œalright,ā€ she says.
x
ā€œwhy am I really here?ā€ she asks the first mate, watching the sun set over the water in streaks of liquid metal that pooled in the troughs of the waves and glittered on the seafoam.
ā€œwe didnā€™t know any better,ā€ the first mate says, staring into the water. ā€œwe didnā€™t know- we didnā€™t know anything. we didnā€™t understand why she fought so viciously to guard her treasure. we could not know she protected something a thousand times more precious than the purest gold.ā€
she wants to be furious, but she canā€™t. she already knew the answer, from reading the guilt in her fatherā€™s eyes and the empty space in her own history. and she canā€™t hate her family.
ā€œitā€™s alright,ā€ she says. ā€œi do have a family, anyways. i donā€™t think i would have liked my other life near as much.ā€
x
her kraken grows, spreading its tendrils over her torso and arms. she grows too, too large to come on board the ship without being hauled up in a boat from the water. she sings when the storms come and swims before the ship to guide it to safety. she fights off more than one beast of the seas, and gathers a set of scars across her back that she bears with pride. ā€œi donā€™t mind,ā€ she says, when the captain fusses over her, ā€œnow i match all of you.ā€
the first time their ship is threatened, really threatened, is by another fleet. a friend turned enemy of the first mate. ā€œwe shouldnā€™t fight him,ā€ she says, peering through the spyglass.
ā€œwhy not?ā€ the mermaid asks.
ā€œheā€™ll win,ā€ the first mate says.
the mermaid tips her head sideways. Her eyes, dark as the deep waters, gleam in the noon light. ā€œare you sure?ā€ she asks.
x
the enemy fleet surrenders after the flagship is sunk in the night, the anchor ripped off the ship and the planks torn off the hull. the surviving crew, wild-eyed and delirious, whimper and say a sea serpent came from the water and attacked them, say it was longer than the boat and crushed it in its coils. the first mate hears this and has to hide her laughter. the captain apologizes to his daughter for doubting her.
ā€œdonā€™t worry,ā€ she says, with a bright laugh, ā€œit was fun.ā€
x
the second time, they are pushed by a storm into a royal fleet. they canā€™t possibly fight them, and they donā€™t have the time to escape.
ā€œlet me up,ā€ the mermaid urges, surfacing starboard and shouting to the crew. ā€œbring me up, quickly, quickly.ā€
they lower the boat and she piles her sinous form into it, and uses her claws to help the crew pull her up. once on the deck she flops out of the boat and makes her way over to the bow. the crew tries to help but sheā€™s so heavy they can barely lift parts of her.
she crawls up out in front of the rail and wraps her long webbed tail around the prow. the figurehead has served them well so far but they need more right now. she wraps herself around the figurehead and raises her body up into the wind takes a breath of the stinging salt air and sings.
the storm carries her voice on its front to the royal navy. they are enchanted, so stunned by her song that they drop the rigging ropes and let the tillers drift. the pirates sail through the center of the fleet, trailing the storm behind them, and by the time the fleet has managed to regain its senses they are buried in wind and rain and the pirates are gone.
x
she declines guns. instead she carries a harpoon and its launcher, and uses them to board enemy ships, hauling her massive form out of the water to coil on the deck and dispatch enemies with ruthless efficiency. her family is feared across all the sea.
x
ā€œyou know we are dying,ā€ the captain says, looking down at her.
she floats next to the ship, so massive she could hold it in her arms. her eyes are wise.
ā€œi know,ā€ she says, ā€œi can feel it coming.ā€
the first mate stands next to the captain. she never had a lover or a child, and neither did he, but to the mermaid they are her parents. she will always love her daughter. the tattoos are graven in dark swirls across the mermaidā€™s deep brown skin and the flesh of her tail, even spiraling onto the spiked webbing on her spine and face. her hair is still tied back, this time with a sail that could not be patched one last time. 
ā€œwe love you,ā€ the first mate says simply, looking down. her own tightly coiled black hair falls in to her face; she shakes the locs out of the way and smiles through her tears. the captain pretends he isnt crying either.
ā€œi love you too,ā€ the mermaid says, and reached up to pull the ship down just a bit, just to hold them one last time.
ā€œguard the ship,ā€ the captain says. ā€œyou always have but you know theyā€™re lost without you.ā€
ā€œwithout you,ā€ the mermaid corrects, with a shrug that makes waves. ā€œwhat will we do?ā€
ā€œi donā€™t know,ā€ the captain says. ā€œbut youā€™ll help them, wonā€™t you?ā€
ā€œof course i will,ā€ she scoffs, rolling her eyes. ā€œi will always protect my family.ā€
x
the captain and the first mate are gone. the ship has a new captain, young and fearless - of the things she can afford to disregard. she fears and loves the ocean, as all captains do. she does not fear the royal fleet. and she does not fear the mermaid.
ā€œyou know, i heard stories about you when i was a little girl,ā€ she says, trailing her fingers in the water next to the dock.
the mermaid stares at her with one eye the size of a dinner table. ā€œis that so?ā€ she hums, smirking with teeth sharper than the swords of the entire navy.
ā€œthey said you could sink an entire fleet and that you had skin tougher than dragon scales,ā€ the new captain says, grinning right back at the monster who could eat her without a momentā€™s hesitation. ā€œi always thought they were telling tall tales.ā€
ā€œand now?ā€
ā€œthey were right,ā€ the new captain says. ā€œhow did they ever befriend you?ā€
the mermaid smiles, fully this time, her dark eyes gleaming under the white linen sail. ā€œthey didnā€™t know any better.ā€

She protects her family.

Hi everybody! Guess whatā€™s being posted on AO3 now at the following link!
https://archiveofourown.org/works/22498384/chapters/53760817
Thatā€™s right! Here you go. Iā€™ll be uploading it in some chunks, because I want to make sure I have everything I wanted edited cleanly finished, but follow the story there!




HEY GUYS GUESS WHATS BACK ON THE DASHBOARD AND BETTER THAN EVER

                    
                
            

            
                
                
cereusblue:
unnameablethings:


dragonsateyourtoast:

redporkpadthai:

dragonsateyourtoast:

otherwindow:

otherwindow:
This is how the g...

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        normal-horoscopes:

normal-horoscopes:

occultbreakfast:

normal-horoscopes:

viral-witchcraft:


normal-horoscopes:


pieandhotdogs:


normal-horoscopes:


trashcollectshere:

normal-horoscopes:


alchemicwizard:

normal-horoscopes:

normal-horoscopes:
NOT TO DUNK ON THE ROSICRUCIANS BUT THE ROSY CROSS IS THE UGLIEST THING EVER
Ā - HEBREW CHARACTERS FOR A CHRISTIAN ESOTERIC SYMBOLĀ - FOUR USES OF THE ALKALAI SYMBOL BUT NO USES OF NITREĀ - NICE HEXAGRAM STAR TRUST US WE ARENT ANTISEMITICĀ - ā€œWHAT IF WE INCORPORATED COLOR INTO THE WORKING?ā€œĀ - INRIĀ - ā€œIS THERE A SYMBOL FOR AIR?ā€œ ā€œIDK DUDE JUST DRAW A BIRDā€œĀ - ā€œWHAT ABOUT WATER?ā€œ ā€œDUDE JUST PICK A WATER ZODIACā€œĀ - ā€œWHICH WATER ZODIAC?ā€œ ā€œIT DOESNā€™T MATTERā€œĀ - ā€œPUT GOLD OVER THE R IN REX SO PEOPLE KNOW ITS IMPORTANTā€œĀ - OCCULT GRAPHIC DESIGN IS MY PASSION

Literally every aspect of it is just awful. My Hebrew isnt as good as it should be but Iā€™m 99% certain that Hebrew is complete gibberish. 
ALSO the water symbol looks like aquarius which Iā€™m sure pretty much everyone is aware is an air sign. What a fucking mess. 
I remember when we studied these losers in my art and occulture class I had to leave the room because I was laughing too hard at how much they suck. 

IT IS GIBBERISH BC ITS JUST THE ENTIRE ALPHABETWHICH IS LIKE AN INSECURE CHEF GETTING NERVOUS AND JUST PUTTING EVERY SEASONING THEY HAVE INTO THE POT 



I dont do occult stuff but i assume this is a mess to look at knowing the meaning but. Not knowing? The colors are awful, the symbols are placed carefully but look hard to decipher. The letters are hard to read and all around this could probably be replaced with something much easier to comphrehend and use.

EXACTLY
THIS IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ā€œGOODā€ AND ā€œBADā€ SIGILWORK
TO SOMEONE WITH NO KNOWLEDGE OF THE OCCULT THE ROSY CROSS /FEELS/ LIKE IT HAS POWER BUT IT ALSO FEELS JUMBLED MESSY OVERLY COMPLICATED AND JUST PLAIN UGLY 
WHEN IT COMES TO SIGILWORK INTRICACY = POWER BUT CLARITY = ACCURACY AND THE ROSY CROSS FAILS ON BOTH FRONTS 



You wanna know what the kicker is. Aquarius *is* the symbol for air here. The upper left point of a pentagram is attributed to air. The elemental points are assigned to the fixed signs of the zodiac. Thatā€™s why we see Taurus, Leo, and Aquarius. The water point is attributed to Scorpio, but they drew an EAGLE INSTEAD OF THE SYMBOL FOR SCORPIO BECAUSE FUCK IT NOTHING MATTERS



SEE THEY ALREADY USED SCORPIO ON BEING ANTISEMITIC ON THE INRI DIAGRAM 



This looks like a fucking board game.



OH MY GOD YOURE RIGHT
IT LOOKS LIKE A PART TO SOME REDICULOUSLY COMPLEX BOARD GAME YOUR FRIEND SWORE IS THE FUNNEST THING EVER 
THE ROSY CROSS TAKES 90 MINUTES TO SET UP AND HAS FOUR DIFFERENT DECKS OF CARDS SPECIAL DICE AND TWO DIFFERENT PLASTIC HOURGLASSES 

@normal-horoscopes This reminds me of the Hermetic Chess invented by the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn. Right down to being too colorful and overly complicated


HANG ON I NEED TO GOOGLE SOME THINGS 


MERCIFUL NIGHT : normal-horoscopes:

normal-horoscopes:

occultbreakfast:

normal-horoscopes:

viral-witchcraft:


normal-horoscopes:


pieandhotdogs:


normal-horoscopes:


trashcollectshere:

normal-horoscopes:


alchemicwizard:

normal-horoscopes:

normal-horoscopes:
NOT TO DUNK ON THE ROSICRUCIANS BUT THE ROSY CROSS IS THE UGLIEST THING EVER
Ā - HEBREW CHARACTERS FOR A CHRISTIAN ESOTERIC SYMBOLĀ - FOUR USES OF THE ALKALAI SYMBOL BUT NO USES OF NITREĀ - NICE HEXAGRAM STAR TRUST US WE ARENT ANTISEMITICĀ - ā€œWHAT IF WE INCORPORATED COLOR INTO THE WORKING?ā€œĀ - INRIĀ - ā€œIS THERE A SYMBOL FOR AIR?ā€œ ā€œIDK DUDE JUST DRAW A BIRDā€œĀ - ā€œWHAT ABOUT WATER?ā€œ ā€œDUDE JUST PICK A WATER ZODIACā€œĀ - ā€œWHICH WATER ZODIAC?ā€œ ā€œIT DOESNā€™T MATTERā€œĀ - ā€œPUT GOLD OVER THE R IN REX SO PEOPLE KNOW ITS IMPORTANTā€œĀ - OCCULT GRAPHIC DESIGN IS MY PASSION

Literally every aspect of it is just awful. My Hebrew isnt as good as it should be but Iā€™m 99% certain that Hebrew is complete gibberish. 
ALSO the water symbol looks like aquarius which Iā€™m sure pretty much everyone is aware is an air sign. What a fucking mess. 
I remember when we studied these losers in my art and occulture class I had to leave the room because I was laughing too hard at how much they suck. 

IT IS GIBBERISH BC ITS JUST THE ENTIRE ALPHABETWHICH IS LIKE AN INSECURE CHEF GETTING NERVOUS AND JUST PUTTING EVERY SEASONING THEY HAVE INTO THE POT 



I dont do occult stuff but i assume this is a mess to look at knowing the meaning but. Not knowing? The colors are awful, the symbols are placed carefully but look hard to decipher. The letters are hard to read and all around this could probably be replaced with something much easier to comphrehend and use.

EXACTLY
THIS IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ā€œGOODā€ AND ā€œBADā€ SIGILWORK
TO SOMEONE WITH NO KNOWLEDGE OF THE OCCULT THE ROSY CROSS /FEELS/ LIKE IT HAS POWER BUT IT ALSO FEELS JUMBLED MESSY OVERLY COMPLICATED AND JUST PLAIN UGLY 
WHEN IT COMES TO SIGILWORK INTRICACY = POWER BUT CLARITY = ACCURACY AND THE ROSY CROSS FAILS ON BOTH FRONTS 



You wanna know what the kicker is. Aquarius *is* the symbol for air here. The upper left point of a pentagram is attributed to air. The elemental points are assigned to the fixed signs of the zodiac. Thatā€™s why we see Taurus, Leo, and Aquarius. The water point is attributed to Scorpio, but they drew an EAGLE INSTEAD OF THE SYMBOL FOR SCORPIO BECAUSE FUCK IT NOTHING MATTERS



SEE THEY ALREADY USED SCORPIO ON BEING ANTISEMITIC ON THE INRI DIAGRAM 



This looks like a fucking board game.



OH MY GOD YOURE RIGHT
IT LOOKS LIKE A PART TO SOME REDICULOUSLY COMPLEX BOARD GAME YOUR FRIEND SWORE IS THE FUNNEST THING EVER 
THE ROSY CROSS TAKES 90 MINUTES TO SET UP AND HAS FOUR DIFFERENT DECKS OF CARDS SPECIAL DICE AND TWO DIFFERENT PLASTIC HOURGLASSES 

@normal-horoscopes This reminds me of the Hermetic Chess invented by the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn. Right down to being too colorful and overly complicated


HANG ON I NEED TO GOOGLE SOME THINGS 


MERCIFUL NIGHT 
        

            
            

                
                
                    normal-horoscopes:

normal-horoscopes:

occultbreakfast:

normal-horoscopes:

viral-witchcraft:


normal-horoscopes:


pieandhotdogs:


normal-horoscopes:


trashcollectshere:

normal-horoscopes:


alchemicwizard:

normal-horoscopes:

normal-horoscopes:
NOT TO DUNK ON THE ROSICRUCIANS BUT THE ROSY CROSS IS THE UGLIEST THING EVER
Ā - HEBREW CHARACTERS FOR A CHRISTIAN ESOTERIC SYMBOLĀ - FOUR USES OF THE ALKALAI SYMBOL BUT NO USES OF NITREĀ - NICE HEXAGRAM STAR TRUST US WE ARENT ANTISEMITICĀ - ā€œWHAT IF WE INCORPORATED COLOR INTO THE WORKING?ā€œĀ - INRIĀ - ā€œIS THERE A SYMBOL FOR AIR?ā€œ ā€œIDK DUDE JUST DRAW A BIRDā€œĀ - ā€œWHAT ABOUT WATER?ā€œ ā€œDUDE JUST PICK A WATER ZODIACā€œĀ - ā€œWHICH WATER ZODIAC?ā€œ ā€œIT DOESNā€™T MATTERā€œĀ - ā€œPUT GOLD OVER THE R IN REX SO PEOPLE KNOW ITS IMPORTANTā€œĀ - OCCULT GRAPHIC DESIGN IS MY PASSION

Literally every aspect of it is just awful. My Hebrew isnt as good as it should be but Iā€™m 99% certain that Hebrew is complete gibberish. 
ALSO the water symbol looks like aquarius which Iā€™m sure pretty much everyone is aware is an air sign. What a fucking mess. 
I remember when we studied these losers in my art and occulture class I had to leave the room because I was laughing too hard at how much they suck. 

IT IS GIBBERISH BC ITS JUST THE ENTIRE ALPHABETWHICH IS LIKE AN INSECURE CHEF GETTING NERVOUS AND JUST PUTTING EVERY SEASONING THEY HAVE INTO THE POT 



I dont do occult stuff but i assume this is a mess to look at knowing the meaning but. Not knowing? The colors are awful, the symbols are placed carefully but look hard to decipher. The letters are hard to read and all around this could probably be replaced with something much easier to comphrehend and use.

EXACTLY
THIS IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ā€œGOODā€ AND ā€œBADā€ SIGILWORK
TO SOMEONE WITH NO KNOWLEDGE OF THE OCCULT THE ROSY CROSS /FEELS/ LIKE IT HAS POWER BUT IT ALSO FEELS JUMBLED MESSY OVERLY COMPLICATED AND JUST PLAIN UGLY 
WHEN IT COMES TO SIGILWORK INTRICACY = POWER BUT CLARITY = ACCURACY AND THE ROSY CROSS FAILS ON BOTH FRONTS 



You wanna know what the kicker is. Aquarius *is* the symbol for air here. The upper left point of a pentagram is attributed to air. The elemental points are assigned to the fixed signs of the zodiac. Thatā€™s why we see Taurus, Leo, and Aquarius. The water point is attributed to Scorpio, but they drew an EAGLE INSTEAD OF THE SYMBOL FOR SCORPIO BECAUSE FUCK IT NOTHING MATTERS



SEE THEY ALREADY USED SCORPIO ON BEING ANTISEMITIC ON THE INRI DIAGRAM 



This looks like a fucking board game.



OH MY GOD YOURE RIGHT
IT LOOKS LIKE A PART TO SOME REDICULOUSLY COMPLEX BOARD GAME YOUR FRIEND SWORE IS THE FUNNEST THING EVER 
THE ROSY CROSS TAKES 90 MINUTES TO SET UP AND HAS FOUR DIFFERENT DECKS OF CARDS SPECIAL DICE AND TWO DIFFERENT PLASTIC HOURGLASSES 

@normal-horoscopes This reminds me of the Hermetic Chess invented by the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn. Right down to being too colorful and overly complicated


HANG ON I NEED TO GOOGLE SOME THINGS 


MERCIFUL NIGHT : normal-horoscopes:

normal-horoscopes:

occultbreakfast:

normal-horoscopes:

viral-witchcraft:


normal-horoscopes:


pieandhotdogs:


normal-horoscopes:


trashcollectshere:

normal-horoscopes:


alchemicwizard:

normal-horoscopes:

normal-horoscopes:
NOT TO DUNK ON THE ROSICRUCIANS BUT THE ROSY CROSS IS THE UGLIEST THING EVER
Ā - HEBREW CHARACTERS FOR A CHRISTIAN ESOTERIC SYMBOLĀ - FOUR USES OF THE ALKALAI SYMBOL BUT NO USES OF NITREĀ - NICE HEXAGRAM STAR TRUST US WE ARENT ANTISEMITICĀ - ā€œWHAT IF WE INCORPORATED COLOR INTO THE WORKING?ā€œĀ - INRIĀ - ā€œIS THERE A SYMBOL FOR AIR?ā€œ ā€œIDK DUDE JUST DRAW A BIRDā€œĀ - ā€œWHAT ABOUT WATER?ā€œ ā€œDUDE JUST PICK A WATER ZODIACā€œĀ - ā€œWHICH WATER ZODIAC?ā€œ ā€œIT DOESNā€™T MATTERā€œĀ - ā€œPUT GOLD OVER THE R IN REX SO PEOPLE KNOW ITS IMPORTANTā€œĀ - OCCULT GRAPHIC DESIGN IS MY PASSION

Literally every aspect of it is just awful. My Hebrew isnt as good as it should be but Iā€™m 99% certain that Hebrew is complete gibberish. 
ALSO the water symbol looks like aquarius which Iā€™m sure pretty much everyone is aware is an air sign. What a fucking mess. 
I remember when we studied these losers in my art and occulture class I had to leave the room because I was laughing too hard at how much they suck. 

IT IS GIBBERISH BC ITS JUST THE ENTIRE ALPHABETWHICH IS LIKE AN INSECURE CHEF GETTING NERVOUS AND JUST PUTTING EVERY SEASONING THEY HAVE INTO THE POT 



I dont do occult stuff but i assume this is a mess to look at knowing the meaning but. Not knowing? The colors are awful, the symbols are placed carefully but look hard to decipher. The letters are hard to read and all around this could probably be replaced with something much easier to comphrehend and use.

EXACTLY
THIS IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ā€œGOODā€ AND ā€œBADā€ SIGILWORK
TO SOMEONE WITH NO KNOWLEDGE OF THE OCCULT THE ROSY CROSS /FEELS/ LIKE IT HAS POWER BUT IT ALSO FEELS JUMBLED MESSY OVERLY COMPLICATED AND JUST PLAIN UGLY 
WHEN IT COMES TO SIGILWORK INTRICACY = POWER BUT CLARITY = ACCURACY AND THE ROSY CROSS FAILS ON BOTH FRONTS 



You wanna know what the kicker is. Aquarius *is* the symbol for air here. The upper left point of a pentagram is attributed to air. The elemental points are assigned to the fixed signs of the zodiac. Thatā€™s why we see Taurus, Leo, and Aquarius. The water point is attributed to Scorpio, but they drew an EAGLE INSTEAD OF THE SYMBOL FOR SCORPIO BECAUSE FUCK IT NOTHING MATTERS



SEE THEY ALREADY USED SCORPIO ON BEING ANTISEMITIC ON THE INRI DIAGRAM 



This looks like a fucking board game.



OH MY GOD YOURE RIGHT
IT LOOKS LIKE A PART TO SOME REDICULOUSLY COMPLEX BOARD GAME YOUR FRIEND SWORE IS THE FUNNEST THING EVER 
THE ROSY CROSS TAKES 90 MINUTES TO SET UP AND HAS FOUR DIFFERENT DECKS OF CARDS SPECIAL DICE AND TWO DIFFERENT PLASTIC HOURGLASSES 

@normal-horoscopes This reminds me of the Hermetic Chess invented by the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn. Right down to being too colorful and overly complicated


HANG ON I NEED TO GOOGLE SOME THINGS 


MERCIFUL NIGHT 
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
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        readerjohn:

peaceheather:

thequeensphinx:

rollā€“initiative:

meme-xirl-wonder:

luidilovins:


asundergrowth:

lovelyloseruniverse:

asundergrowth:


vocifersaurus:

abrakafcukyou:

bitterfucked:

breastforce:
how to tell if your worldbuilding is Bad
i didnā€™t wanna reblog this just cos it doesnā€™t deserve to get seen but:
a) dwarves donā€™t share the gender binary that humans use, heterosexual versus homosexual is meaningless to them
b) gnomes have such a predilection towards illusions that gender is primarily based on presentation. because of consistent interaction with humans, they tend towards visually hetero relationships just for sake of public ease but gnomes all know gender is an ilusion
c) halflings are super community oriented. they would be incredibly accepting of homosexuality because frowning on someone for liking a particular gender is counter to community building
d) goblins donā€™t believe in sexuality they believe in food
e) orcs are 100% butch lesbians and bears. they are totally gay with a small side of being attracted to muscles and soft hairy bellies ā€œbut if theyā€™re all gay how do they reproduce?ā€ magic rituals motherfucker itā€™s a fantasy world
f) tieflings never have a predominant culture and tend to ascribe to human values, with a bit of ā€œiā€™m already an outcast, so anything goesā€. i donā€™t wanna say tieflings are super gay just because there is a lot of baggage that comes with the evil demon race being super gay but tieflings are super gay
g) dragonborn carry a lot of draconic values, one of the most notable being vanity. if a dragonbron is gay, they will literally be the embodiment of that ā€œmove, iā€™m gayā€ video. taboo my ass just try to stop that dragonborn, theyā€™ll show you the meaning of flaming
bottom line here is really that if you thought the dnd races were straight you were so wrong. i am going to find you and rub my gay ass on your playerā€™s handbook


bury me with this post itā€™s perfect


Goblins donā€™t believe in sexuality they believe in food. 

Consider: Orcs are like bats. 95% of them are homosexual because the few orcs that ARE straight produce children at insane rates. Because of this, adoption is considered the norm in Orc society. Orcs are unconcerned with lineage and do not take a family name, but rather a clan or tribe name. 


I like this

Straight orcs never stop fucking and its a problem


Are you saying that 95% of bats are gay? 


You canā€™t argue with the facts. 

ā€œOh yeah, those two are Gnarla and Lorg, they are the Fuckersā„¢ā€


Holy shit imma show this to my dm and he is just gonna die laughing 



The fuckers

@godkingsanointedĀ  Ā @rapid-artwork: readerjohn:

peaceheather:

thequeensphinx:

rollā€“initiative:

meme-xirl-wonder:

luidilovins:


asundergrowth:

lovelyloseruniverse:

asundergrowth:


vocifersaurus:

abrakafcukyou:

bitterfucked:

breastforce:
how to tell if your worldbuilding is Bad
i didnā€™t wanna reblog this just cos it doesnā€™t deserve to get seen but:
a) dwarves donā€™t share the gender binary that humans use, heterosexual versus homosexual is meaningless to them
b) gnomes have such a predilection towards illusions that gender is primarily based on presentation. because of consistent interaction with humans, they tend towards visually hetero relationships just for sake of public ease but gnomes all know gender is an ilusion
c) halflings are super community oriented. they would be incredibly accepting of homosexuality because frowning on someone for liking a particular gender is counter to community building
d) goblins donā€™t believe in sexuality they believe in food
e) orcs are 100% butch lesbians and bears. they are totally gay with a small side of being attracted to muscles and soft hairy bellies ā€œbut if theyā€™re all gay how do they reproduce?ā€ magic rituals motherfucker itā€™s a fantasy world
f) tieflings never have a predominant culture and tend to ascribe to human values, with a bit of ā€œiā€™m already an outcast, so anything goesā€. i donā€™t wanna say tieflings are super gay just because there is a lot of baggage that comes with the evil demon race being super gay but tieflings are super gay
g) dragonborn carry a lot of draconic values, one of the most notable being vanity. if a dragonbron is gay, they will literally be the embodiment of that ā€œmove, iā€™m gayā€ video. taboo my ass just try to stop that dragonborn, theyā€™ll show you the meaning of flaming
bottom line here is really that if you thought the dnd races were straight you were so wrong. i am going to find you and rub my gay ass on your playerā€™s handbook


bury me with this post itā€™s perfect


Goblins donā€™t believe in sexuality they believe in food. 

Consider: Orcs are like bats. 95% of them are homosexual because the few orcs that ARE straight produce children at insane rates. Because of this, adoption is considered the norm in Orc society. Orcs are unconcerned with lineage and do not take a family name, but rather a clan or tribe name. 


I like this

Straight orcs never stop fucking and its a problem


Are you saying that 95% of bats are gay? 


You canā€™t argue with the facts. 

ā€œOh yeah, those two are Gnarla and Lorg, they are the Fuckersā„¢ā€


Holy shit imma show this to my dm and he is just gonna die laughing 



The fuckers

@godkingsanointedĀ  Ā @rapid-artwork
        

            
            

                
                
                    readerjohn:

peaceheather:

thequeensphinx:

rollā€“initiative:

meme-xirl-wonder:

luidilovins:


asundergrowth:

lovelyloseruniverse:

asundergrowth:


vocifersaurus:

abrakafcukyou:

bitterfucked:

breastforce:
how to tell if your worldbuilding is Bad
i didnā€™t wanna reblog this just cos it doesnā€™t deserve to get seen but:
a) dwarves donā€™t share the gender binary that humans use, heterosexual versus homosexual is meaningless to them
b) gnomes have such a predilection towards illusions that gender is primarily based on presentation. because of consistent interaction with humans, they tend towards visually hetero relationships just for sake of public ease but gnomes all know gender is an ilusion
c) halflings are super community oriented. they would be incredibly accepting of homosexuality because frowning on someone for liking a particular gender is counter to community building
d) goblins donā€™t believe in sexuality they believe in food
e) orcs are 100% butch lesbians and bears. they are totally gay with a small side of being attracted to muscles and soft hairy bellies ā€œbut if theyā€™re all gay how do they reproduce?ā€ magic rituals motherfucker itā€™s a fantasy world
f) tieflings never have a predominant culture and tend to ascribe to human values, with a bit of ā€œiā€™m already an outcast, so anything goesā€. i donā€™t wanna say tieflings are super gay just because there is a lot of baggage that comes with the evil demon race being super gay but tieflings are super gay
g) dragonborn carry a lot of draconic values, one of the most notable being vanity. if a dragonbron is gay, they will literally be the embodiment of that ā€œmove, iā€™m gayā€ video. taboo my ass just try to stop that dragonborn, theyā€™ll show you the meaning of flaming
bottom line here is really that if you thought the dnd races were straight you were so wrong. i am going to find you and rub my gay ass on your playerā€™s handbook


bury me with this post itā€™s perfect


Goblins donā€™t believe in sexuality they believe in food. 

Consider: Orcs are like bats. 95% of them are homosexual because the few orcs that ARE straight produce children at insane rates. Because of this, adoption is considered the norm in Orc society. Orcs are unconcerned with lineage and do not take a family name, but rather a clan or tribe name. 


I like this

Straight orcs never stop fucking and its a problem


Are you saying that 95% of bats are gay? 


You canā€™t argue with the facts. 

ā€œOh yeah, those two are Gnarla and Lorg, they are the Fuckersā„¢ā€


Holy shit imma show this to my dm and he is just gonna die laughing 



The fuckers

@godkingsanointedĀ  Ā @rapid-artwork: readerjohn:

peaceheather:

thequeensphinx:

rollā€“initiative:

meme-xirl-wonder:

luidilovins:


asundergrowth:

lovelyloseruniverse:

asundergrowth:


vocifersaurus:

abrakafcukyou:

bitterfucked:

breastforce:
how to tell if your worldbuilding is Bad
i didnā€™t wanna reblog this just cos it doesnā€™t deserve to get seen but:
a) dwarves donā€™t share the gender binary that humans use, heterosexual versus homosexual is meaningless to them
b) gnomes have such a predilection towards illusions that gender is primarily based on presentation. because of consistent interaction with humans, they tend towards visually hetero relationships just for sake of public ease but gnomes all know gender is an ilusion
c) halflings are super community oriented. they would be incredibly accepting of homosexuality because frowning on someone for liking a particular gender is counter to community building
d) goblins donā€™t believe in sexuality they believe in food
e) orcs are 100% butch lesbians and bears. they are totally gay with a small side of being attracted to muscles and soft hairy bellies ā€œbut if theyā€™re all gay how do they reproduce?ā€ magic rituals motherfucker itā€™s a fantasy world
f) tieflings never have a predominant culture and tend to ascribe to human values, with a bit of ā€œiā€™m already an outcast, so anything goesā€. i donā€™t wanna say tieflings are super gay just because there is a lot of baggage that comes with the evil demon race being super gay but tieflings are super gay
g) dragonborn carry a lot of draconic values, one of the most notable being vanity. if a dragonbron is gay, they will literally be the embodiment of that ā€œmove, iā€™m gayā€ video. taboo my ass just try to stop that dragonborn, theyā€™ll show you the meaning of flaming
bottom line here is really that if you thought the dnd races were straight you were so wrong. i am going to find you and rub my gay ass on your playerā€™s handbook


bury me with this post itā€™s perfect


Goblins donā€™t believe in sexuality they believe in food. 

Consider: Orcs are like bats. 95% of them are homosexual because the few orcs that ARE straight produce children at insane rates. Because of this, adoption is considered the norm in Orc society. Orcs are unconcerned with lineage and do not take a family name, but rather a clan or tribe name. 


I like this

Straight orcs never stop fucking and its a problem


Are you saying that 95% of bats are gay? 


You canā€™t argue with the facts. 

ā€œOh yeah, those two are Gnarla and Lorg, they are the Fuckersā„¢ā€


Holy shit imma show this to my dm and he is just gonna die laughing 



The fuckers

@godkingsanointedĀ  Ā @rapid-artwork
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        normal-horoscopes:

trashcollectshere:
normal-horoscopes:


alchemicwizard:

normal-horoscopes:

normal-horoscopes:
NOT TO DUNK ON THE ROSICRUCIANS BUT THE ROSY CROSS IS THE UGLIEST THING EVER
Ā - HEBREW CHARACTERS FOR A CHRISTIAN ESOTERIC SYMBOLĀ - FOUR USES OF THE ALKALAI SYMBOL BUT NO USES OF NITREĀ - NICE HEXAGRAM STAR TRUST US WE ARENT ANTISEMITICĀ - ā€œWHAT IF WE INCORPORATED COLOR INTO THE WORKING?ā€œĀ - INRIĀ - ā€œIS THERE A SYMBOL FOR AIR?ā€œ ā€œIDK DUDE JUST DRAW A BIRDā€œĀ - ā€œWHAT ABOUT WATER?ā€œ ā€œDUDE JUST PICK A WATER ZODIACā€œĀ - ā€œWHICH WATER ZODIAC?ā€œ ā€œIT DOESNā€™T MATTERā€œĀ - ā€œPUT GOLD OVER THE R IN REX SO PEOPLE KNOW ITS IMPORTANTā€œĀ - OCCULT GRAPHIC DESIGN IS MY PASSION

Literally every aspect of it is just awful. My Hebrew isnt as good as it should be but Iā€™m 99% certain that Hebrew is complete gibberish. 
ALSO the water symbol looks like aquarius which Iā€™m sure pretty much everyone is aware is an air sign. What a fucking mess. 
I remember when we studied these losers in my art and occulture class I had to leave the room because I was laughing too hard at how much they suck. 

IT IS GIBBERISH BC ITS JUST THE ENTIRE ALPHABETWHICH IS LIKE AN INSECURE CHEF GETTING NERVOUS AND JUST PUTTING EVERY SEASONING THEY HAVE INTO THE POT 



I dont do occult stuff but i assume this is a mess to look at knowing the meaning but. Not knowing? The colors are awful, the symbols are placed carefully but look hard to decipher. The letters are hard to read and all around this could probably be replaced with something much easier to comphrehend and use.

EXACTLYTHIS IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ā€œGOODā€ AND ā€œBADā€ SIGILWORKTO SOMEONE WITH NO KNOWLEDGE OF THE OCCULT THE ROSY CROSS /FEELS/ LIKE IT HAS POWER BUT IT ALSO FEELS JUMBLED MESSY OVERLY COMPLICATED AND JUST PLAIN UGLY WHEN IT COMES TO SIGILWORK INTRICACY = POWER BUT CLARITY = ACCURACY AND THE ROSY CROSS FAILS ON BOTH FRONTS : normal-horoscopes:

trashcollectshere:
normal-horoscopes:


alchemicwizard:

normal-horoscopes:

normal-horoscopes:
NOT TO DUNK ON THE ROSICRUCIANS BUT THE ROSY CROSS IS THE UGLIEST THING EVER
Ā - HEBREW CHARACTERS FOR A CHRISTIAN ESOTERIC SYMBOLĀ - FOUR USES OF THE ALKALAI SYMBOL BUT NO USES OF NITREĀ - NICE HEXAGRAM STAR TRUST US WE ARENT ANTISEMITICĀ - ā€œWHAT IF WE INCORPORATED COLOR INTO THE WORKING?ā€œĀ - INRIĀ - ā€œIS THERE A SYMBOL FOR AIR?ā€œ ā€œIDK DUDE JUST DRAW A BIRDā€œĀ - ā€œWHAT ABOUT WATER?ā€œ ā€œDUDE JUST PICK A WATER ZODIACā€œĀ - ā€œWHICH WATER ZODIAC?ā€œ ā€œIT DOESNā€™T MATTERā€œĀ - ā€œPUT GOLD OVER THE R IN REX SO PEOPLE KNOW ITS IMPORTANTā€œĀ - OCCULT GRAPHIC DESIGN IS MY PASSION

Literally every aspect of it is just awful. My Hebrew isnt as good as it should be but Iā€™m 99% certain that Hebrew is complete gibberish. 
ALSO the water symbol looks like aquarius which Iā€™m sure pretty much everyone is aware is an air sign. What a fucking mess. 
I remember when we studied these losers in my art and occulture class I had to leave the room because I was laughing too hard at how much they suck. 

IT IS GIBBERISH BC ITS JUST THE ENTIRE ALPHABETWHICH IS LIKE AN INSECURE CHEF GETTING NERVOUS AND JUST PUTTING EVERY SEASONING THEY HAVE INTO THE POT 



I dont do occult stuff but i assume this is a mess to look at knowing the meaning but. Not knowing? The colors are awful, the symbols are placed carefully but look hard to decipher. The letters are hard to read and all around this could probably be replaced with something much easier to comphrehend and use.

EXACTLYTHIS IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ā€œGOODā€ AND ā€œBADā€ SIGILWORKTO SOMEONE WITH NO KNOWLEDGE OF THE OCCULT THE ROSY CROSS /FEELS/ LIKE IT HAS POWER BUT IT ALSO FEELS JUMBLED MESSY OVERLY COMPLICATED AND JUST PLAIN UGLY WHEN IT COMES TO SIGILWORK INTRICACY = POWER BUT CLARITY = ACCURACY AND THE ROSY CROSS FAILS ON BOTH FRONTS 
        

            
            

                
                
                    normal-horoscopes:

trashcollectshere:
normal-horoscopes:


alchemicwizard:

normal-horoscopes:

normal-horoscopes:
NOT TO DUNK ON THE ROSICRUCIANS BUT THE ROSY CROSS IS THE UGLIEST THING EVER
Ā - HEBREW CHARACTERS FOR A CHRISTIAN ESOTERIC SYMBOLĀ - FOUR USES OF THE ALKALAI SYMBOL BUT NO USES OF NITREĀ - NICE HEXAGRAM STAR TRUST US WE ARENT ANTISEMITICĀ - ā€œWHAT IF WE INCORPORATED COLOR INTO THE WORKING?ā€œĀ - INRIĀ - ā€œIS THERE A SYMBOL FOR AIR?ā€œ ā€œIDK DUDE JUST DRAW A BIRDā€œĀ - ā€œWHAT ABOUT WATER?ā€œ ā€œDUDE JUST PICK A WATER ZODIACā€œĀ - ā€œWHICH WATER ZODIAC?ā€œ ā€œIT DOESNā€™T MATTERā€œĀ - ā€œPUT GOLD OVER THE R IN REX SO PEOPLE KNOW ITS IMPORTANTā€œĀ - OCCULT GRAPHIC DESIGN IS MY PASSION

Literally every aspect of it is just awful. My Hebrew isnt as good as it should be but Iā€™m 99% certain that Hebrew is complete gibberish. 
ALSO the water symbol looks like aquarius which Iā€™m sure pretty much everyone is aware is an air sign. What a fucking mess. 
I remember when we studied these losers in my art and occulture class I had to leave the room because I was laughing too hard at how much they suck. 

IT IS GIBBERISH BC ITS JUST THE ENTIRE ALPHABETWHICH IS LIKE AN INSECURE CHEF GETTING NERVOUS AND JUST PUTTING EVERY SEASONING THEY HAVE INTO THE POT 



I dont do occult stuff but i assume this is a mess to look at knowing the meaning but. Not knowing? The colors are awful, the symbols are placed carefully but look hard to decipher. The letters are hard to read and all around this could probably be replaced with something much easier to comphrehend and use.

EXACTLYTHIS IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ā€œGOODā€ AND ā€œBADā€ SIGILWORKTO SOMEONE WITH NO KNOWLEDGE OF THE OCCULT THE ROSY CROSS /FEELS/ LIKE IT HAS POWER BUT IT ALSO FEELS JUMBLED MESSY OVERLY COMPLICATED AND JUST PLAIN UGLY WHEN IT COMES TO SIGILWORK INTRICACY = POWER BUT CLARITY = ACCURACY AND THE ROSY CROSS FAILS ON BOTH FRONTS : normal-horoscopes:

trashcollectshere:
normal-horoscopes:


alchemicwizard:

normal-horoscopes:

normal-horoscopes:
NOT TO DUNK ON THE ROSICRUCIANS BUT THE ROSY CROSS IS THE UGLIEST THING EVER
Ā - HEBREW CHARACTERS FOR A CHRISTIAN ESOTERIC SYMBOLĀ - FOUR USES OF THE ALKALAI SYMBOL BUT NO USES OF NITREĀ - NICE HEXAGRAM STAR TRUST US WE ARENT ANTISEMITICĀ - ā€œWHAT IF WE INCORPORATED COLOR INTO THE WORKING?ā€œĀ - INRIĀ - ā€œIS THERE A SYMBOL FOR AIR?ā€œ ā€œIDK DUDE JUST DRAW A BIRDā€œĀ - ā€œWHAT ABOUT WATER?ā€œ ā€œDUDE JUST PICK A WATER ZODIACā€œĀ - ā€œWHICH WATER ZODIAC?ā€œ ā€œIT DOESNā€™T MATTERā€œĀ - ā€œPUT GOLD OVER THE R IN REX SO PEOPLE KNOW ITS IMPORTANTā€œĀ - OCCULT GRAPHIC DESIGN IS MY PASSION

Literally every aspect of it is just awful. My Hebrew isnt as good as it should be but Iā€™m 99% certain that Hebrew is complete gibberish. 
ALSO the water symbol looks like aquarius which Iā€™m sure pretty much everyone is aware is an air sign. What a fucking mess. 
I remember when we studied these losers in my art and occulture class I had to leave the room because I was laughing too hard at how much they suck. 

IT IS GIBBERISH BC ITS JUST THE ENTIRE ALPHABETWHICH IS LIKE AN INSECURE CHEF GETTING NERVOUS AND JUST PUTTING EVERY SEASONING THEY HAVE INTO THE POT 



I dont do occult stuff but i assume this is a mess to look at knowing the meaning but. Not knowing? The colors are awful, the symbols are placed carefully but look hard to decipher. The letters are hard to read and all around this could probably be replaced with something much easier to comphrehend and use.

EXACTLYTHIS IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ā€œGOODā€ AND ā€œBADā€ SIGILWORKTO SOMEONE WITH NO KNOWLEDGE OF THE OCCULT THE ROSY CROSS /FEELS/ LIKE IT HAS POWER BUT IT ALSO FEELS JUMBLED MESSY OVERLY COMPLICATED AND JUST PLAIN UGLY WHEN IT COMES TO SIGILWORK INTRICACY = POWER BUT CLARITY = ACCURACY AND THE ROSY CROSS FAILS ON BOTH FRONTS 
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        amarretto-cowboy:

libertarirynn:

zetablarian:

amyadoreswords:


gaysemiotics:






Sure wish I was seeing this one circulating more than the other ones without the information literacy component.
So here I am, circulating it.



And if you know Hank Green you know heā€™s definitely a liberal so to see him give CNN a well-deserved dragging is refreshing. CNN is not any less of a joke than Fox News and Iā€™m sick of people pretending like it is just because of their political alignment.


There are way too many people who really believe that the mistrust of the media began when the orange goon called them out.The media, especially political media on both sides has been absolute trash for quite some time


I absolutely die laughing every time I see an article from a major media outlet thatā€™s like ā€œTrump wonā€™t quit beinā€™ mean to us šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­ we are good and right trust us plz uwuā€ like bitch I havenā€™t trusted you since long before Trump showed up.ļæ¼: amarretto-cowboy:

libertarirynn:

zetablarian:

amyadoreswords:


gaysemiotics:






Sure wish I was seeing this one circulating more than the other ones without the information literacy component.
So here I am, circulating it.



And if you know Hank Green you know heā€™s definitely a liberal so to see him give CNN a well-deserved dragging is refreshing. CNN is not any less of a joke than Fox News and Iā€™m sick of people pretending like it is just because of their political alignment.


There are way too many people who really believe that the mistrust of the media began when the orange goon called them out.The media, especially political media on both sides has been absolute trash for quite some time


I absolutely die laughing every time I see an article from a major media outlet thatā€™s like ā€œTrump wonā€™t quit beinā€™ mean to us šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­ we are good and right trust us plz uwuā€ like bitch I havenā€™t trusted you since long before Trump showed up.ļæ¼
        

            
            

                
                
                    amarretto-cowboy:

libertarirynn:

zetablarian:

amyadoreswords:


gaysemiotics:






Sure wish I was seeing this one circulating more than the other ones without the information literacy component.
So here I am, circulating it.



And if you know Hank Green you know heā€™s definitely a liberal so to see him give CNN a well-deserved dragging is refreshing. CNN is not any less of a joke than Fox News and Iā€™m sick of people pretending like it is just because of their political alignment.


There are way too many people who really believe that the mistrust of the media began when the orange goon called them out.The media, especially political media on both sides has been absolute trash for quite some time


I absolutely die laughing every time I see an article from a major media outlet thatā€™s like ā€œTrump wonā€™t quit beinā€™ mean to us šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­ we are good and right trust us plz uwuā€ like bitch I havenā€™t trusted you since long before Trump showed up.ļæ¼: amarretto-cowboy:

libertarirynn:

zetablarian:

amyadoreswords:


gaysemiotics:






Sure wish I was seeing this one circulating more than the other ones without the information literacy component.
So here I am, circulating it.



And if you know Hank Green you know heā€™s definitely a liberal so to see him give CNN a well-deserved dragging is refreshing. CNN is not any less of a joke than Fox News and Iā€™m sick of people pretending like it is just because of their political alignment.


There are way too many people who really believe that the mistrust of the media began when the orange goon called them out.The media, especially political media on both sides has been absolute trash for quite some time


I absolutely die laughing every time I see an article from a major media outlet thatā€™s like ā€œTrump wonā€™t quit beinā€™ mean to us šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­ we are good and right trust us plz uwuā€ like bitch I havenā€™t trusted you since long before Trump showed up.ļæ¼
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    


    
	

        
	

    




                    

                

                

                    




    

        
        

            
            

              
            

        

        
        
        

            

            
            
                
                    
                        

                            

                                
                            

                            
                            

                                
                                    Jacob Zuma's 'Sick Note' has South Africans Laughing with Jokes and Memes
                                
                            

                            
                        

                    
                
            
                
                    
                        

                            

                                
                            

                            
                            

                                
                                    Twitter has renamed Stormi as La Chubascos and you won't stop laughing with memes
                                
                            

                            
                        

                    
                
            
                
                    
                        

                            

                                
                                
                                
                            

                            
                            

                                
                                    The Ultimate Ranking of the Best Memes of The Office That Will Have You Laughing Through the ...