πŸ”₯ Popular | Latest

See Bruh most people want a dog and a cat. Like when u having chirren and u all like "I want one boy and one girl and then we'll be a perfect family πŸ’…." (Perfect till y'all argue over which in-laws y'all gon visit for Christmas and then get into a massive fight and then other shit start coming out and y'all start throwing pricey belongings out on the lawn and get separated and then hire high powered lawyers to consume the few bucks y'all saved and then all u have is a boy and a girl and two bankruptcies and a restraining order but that's neither here nor there πŸΈβ˜•οΈ). In any event as much as having a dog and a cat creates a perfect life home situation, it's predictable. The cat gon be a asshole to the dog DUH. What's more awesome is two cats, and watching them be assholes TO EACH OTHER 😻. Like two sisters, Sally and Amanda, who came home from college and their periods line up and they PMS'ing at the same time and they at each other's throats constantly and then Sally (who got bigger boobs) wear Amanda's sweater and stretch it a lil bit and then Amanda confront Sally really polite like "hey did you wear my BCBG sweater just curious" and Sally just like "yeah it was cold I was meeting Mike for coffee I needed a sweater" and then Amanda like "DID I SAY YOU COULD STRETCH MY FAVORITE SWEATER [editor's note: if a sweater gets stretched out it automatically becomes a girl's favorite sweater even if it's really her ninth favorite sweater] WITH YOUR FAT FUCKING BOOBS YOU SLUT!" And then Sally go to the parents like "Amanda called me a slut." And then the dad like "YOU'RE ALL JUST LIKE YOUR MOTHER I'M GOING TO THE BAR" and the mom, Susan, sipping a mixed vodka drink while texting her boyfriend like "Amanda don't call Sally a slut". See Bruh that's why you need two cats. Creates excitement. Makes the crib nice and racy. If I wasn't allergic I'd have three cats. The three amigos. I'd actually name them "the Migos" and name each one after a literal Migo - Quavo, Takeoff and Offset. Then when clients come to my crib I say they're named Cecil, Theodore and Joseph - ayeeee can't reveal your hood side to everyone πŸ€—. WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WRITE. HAPPY HUMP DAY YALL πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚: This is probably favourite photo on the internet Dr Smashlove See Bruh most people want a dog and a cat. Like when u having chirren and u all like "I want one boy and one girl and then we'll be a perfect family πŸ’…." (Perfect till y'all argue over which in-laws y'all gon visit for Christmas and then get into a massive fight and then other shit start coming out and y'all start throwing pricey belongings out on the lawn and get separated and then hire high powered lawyers to consume the few bucks y'all saved and then all u have is a boy and a girl and two bankruptcies and a restraining order but that's neither here nor there πŸΈβ˜•οΈ). In any event as much as having a dog and a cat creates a perfect life home situation, it's predictable. The cat gon be a asshole to the dog DUH. What's more awesome is two cats, and watching them be assholes TO EACH OTHER 😻. Like two sisters, Sally and Amanda, who came home from college and their periods line up and they PMS'ing at the same time and they at each other's throats constantly and then Sally (who got bigger boobs) wear Amanda's sweater and stretch it a lil bit and then Amanda confront Sally really polite like "hey did you wear my BCBG sweater just curious" and Sally just like "yeah it was cold I was meeting Mike for coffee I needed a sweater" and then Amanda like "DID I SAY YOU COULD STRETCH MY FAVORITE SWEATER [editor's note: if a sweater gets stretched out it automatically becomes a girl's favorite sweater even if it's really her ninth favorite sweater] WITH YOUR FAT FUCKING BOOBS YOU SLUT!" And then Sally go to the parents like "Amanda called me a slut." And then the dad like "YOU'RE ALL JUST LIKE YOUR MOTHER I'M GOING TO THE BAR" and the mom, Susan, sipping a mixed vodka drink while texting her boyfriend like "Amanda don't call Sally a slut". See Bruh that's why you need two cats. Creates excitement. Makes the crib nice and racy. If I wasn't allergic I'd have three cats. The three amigos. I'd actually name them "the Migos" and name each one after a literal Migo - Quavo, Takeoff and Offset. Then when clients come to my crib I say they're named Cecil, Theodore and Joseph - ayeeee can't reveal your hood side to everyone πŸ€—. WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WRITE. HAPPY HUMP DAY YALL πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
Save
<p>Funny Wednesday balderdash A midweek collection of smiles PMSLweb </p>: Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the haulage company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the haulage company's fancy lawyer was questioning Farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine" "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite bull Bertie into the-" "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?" "Well I had just got Bertie into the trailer and was driving down the road-" "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Police Traffic Officer on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question." By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and told the lawyer so "Well," said the farmer, "as I was saying, I had just loaded Bertie, my prize bull, into the trailer and was driving him down the road when this huge artic crashed the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bertie was thrown into the other. I was in agonizing pain and didn't want to move. Anyways, I could hear o Bertie moaning and groaning. I knew he was in terrible shape just by his groans. Shortly after the accident a armed traffic cop came on the scene. He could hear Bertie moaning and groaning so he went over to him. After he looked at him, the cop took out his gun and shot him between the eyes. Then he came across the road still with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, 'Your bull was in such bad shape I had to shoot him. How are you feeling?" ETS <p>Funny Wednesday balderdash A midweek collection of smiles PMSLweb </p>

<p>Funny Wednesday balderdash A midweek collection of smiles PMSLweb </p>

Save
Family Sues Apple After Man Hit Their Car, Killing Their 5 Year Old, While He Was Using FaceTime -blogged by @thereal__bee β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € A family in Texas is filing a lawsuit against Apple after their 5-year old daughter died in a motor vehicle collision. The family is claiming that the company's FaceTime app distracted the driver of the other vehicle, causing him to collide into their car. β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € On December 23, 2016, the Modisette family filed a suit in California Superior Court, claiming that Apple failed β€œto warn users that the product was likely to be dangerous when used of misused.” β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € According to reports, James and Bethanoy Modisette were driving their Toyota Camry with their daughter Moriah, when they were forced to slow down due to police activity ahead. Behind them was Garrett Wilhelm who was reportedly operating a Toyota 4Runner at 65 mph while utilizing the FaceTime app. β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € The 4Runner rammed into the back of the Camry, rolling onto the vehicle, trapping Moriah and James inside. Emergency responders arrived and were able to remove the two from the vehicle. Both victims were taken to the hospital where Moriah died due to injuries. β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € The Modisette family claims that Wilhelm's iPhone had hardware that allows the phone to lock the user out of FaceTime when traveling on the highway, however Apple did not equip the phone with the necessary software to enable the feature. β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € Wilhelm admitted that he had been using FaceTime at the time of the accident, it was also confirmed by investigating officers. Despite the fact that he admitted to using the phone, Wilhelm’s lawyer, Ricky Perritt, says he does not believe the phone caused his client to crash. β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € Wilhelm was indicted on manslaughter charges according to the Denton Record-Chronicles. He will appear in court on February 27th.: Family Sues Apple After Man Hit Their Car, Killing Their 5 Year Old, While He Was Using FaceTime @balleralert Family Sues Apple After Man Hit Their Car, Killing Their 5 Year Old, While He Was Using FaceTime -blogged by @thereal__bee β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € A family in Texas is filing a lawsuit against Apple after their 5-year old daughter died in a motor vehicle collision. The family is claiming that the company's FaceTime app distracted the driver of the other vehicle, causing him to collide into their car. β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € On December 23, 2016, the Modisette family filed a suit in California Superior Court, claiming that Apple failed β€œto warn users that the product was likely to be dangerous when used of misused.” β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € According to reports, James and Bethanoy Modisette were driving their Toyota Camry with their daughter Moriah, when they were forced to slow down due to police activity ahead. Behind them was Garrett Wilhelm who was reportedly operating a Toyota 4Runner at 65 mph while utilizing the FaceTime app. β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € The 4Runner rammed into the back of the Camry, rolling onto the vehicle, trapping Moriah and James inside. Emergency responders arrived and were able to remove the two from the vehicle. Both victims were taken to the hospital where Moriah died due to injuries. β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € The Modisette family claims that Wilhelm's iPhone had hardware that allows the phone to lock the user out of FaceTime when traveling on the highway, however Apple did not equip the phone with the necessary software to enable the feature. β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € Wilhelm admitted that he had been using FaceTime at the time of the accident, it was also confirmed by investigating officers. Despite the fact that he admitted to using the phone, Wilhelm’s lawyer, Ricky Perritt, says he does not believe the phone caused his client to crash. β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € Wilhelm was indicted on manslaughter charges according to the Denton Record-Chronicles. He will appear in court on February 27th.

Family Sues Apple After Man Hit Their Car, Killing Their 5 Year Old, While He Was Using FaceTime -blogged by @thereal__bee β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €...

Save
Now look, u gon date people who throw red flags up. Red flags left. Red flags right. They gon tie a red flag around your face and u gon wake up in the middle of the night suffocating and sweating whipping your arms around the bed thinking u in a secret CIA facility and a sexy woman in a US Army uniform got a towel around your face pouring water in your nostrils and u think she waterboarding u and u like "I DON'T KNOW NOTHING BOUT NO TERRORIST ACT AT THE SUPER BOWL COT DAMMIT I WORK IN FINANCE AND RUN A IG ACCOUNT FOR FUN I COULDN'T BLOW UP A BOTTLE ROCKET LET ALONE A STADIUM LEMME GO HOME I MISS CHICAGO YALL DON'T HAVE DEEP DISH PIZZA IN IRAQ - OR INTELLIGENTSIA COFFEE - AGGGHKKKHHHH" *gurgle* *suffocate* *almost die* *wake up next to the same pretty girl in bed who is crazy AF but imma keep messing with her because I'm not right in the head* πŸ˜• Anyway to top it off Bruh I'm the ultimate red flag. I do disclaimers now: "I had a bad childhood. I get sad. I'm anxious about work because I have a high amount of responsibility and don't take vacations so my hands are permanently squeezed like the Arthur meme. Please sign these waivers that my lawyer prepared. Yes. Initial there. Notarize here. Ok wonderful, u can touch the PP now πŸ€—." Nah but real talk at the end of the day, red flags will always be alluring. Captivating. "Maybe I can change this person? Or maybe this person won't burn me like they burned others." No, and hell no πŸ˜‚. If u date a snake, just understand that despite how beautiful and silky that snake is, one day it's gon bite. U might recall that Siegfried and Roy, the Las Vegas couple that puts on shows with wild animals, once had an incident where a tiger bit, and paralyzed, Roy. Chris Rock joked that the "tiger went tiger." Roy never blamed the tiger and even said the tiger was trying to take care of him. Roy understood the tiger's nature and didn't resent the tiger when it's nature revealed itself. Next time u get bit just remember - if that's in their nature, it was just a matter of time. U could obsess over people's shortcomings or enjoy the good they had to offer and let it ride. Ya get me! Bless up πŸ™Œβ€: when you get a surprise kiss @DrSmashlove Now look, u gon date people who throw red flags up. Red flags left. Red flags right. They gon tie a red flag around your face and u gon wake up in the middle of the night suffocating and sweating whipping your arms around the bed thinking u in a secret CIA facility and a sexy woman in a US Army uniform got a towel around your face pouring water in your nostrils and u think she waterboarding u and u like "I DON'T KNOW NOTHING BOUT NO TERRORIST ACT AT THE SUPER BOWL COT DAMMIT I WORK IN FINANCE AND RUN A IG ACCOUNT FOR FUN I COULDN'T BLOW UP A BOTTLE ROCKET LET ALONE A STADIUM LEMME GO HOME I MISS CHICAGO YALL DON'T HAVE DEEP DISH PIZZA IN IRAQ - OR INTELLIGENTSIA COFFEE - AGGGHKKKHHHH" *gurgle* *suffocate* *almost die* *wake up next to the same pretty girl in bed who is crazy AF but imma keep messing with her because I'm not right in the head* πŸ˜• Anyway to top it off Bruh I'm the ultimate red flag. I do disclaimers now: "I had a bad childhood. I get sad. I'm anxious about work because I have a high amount of responsibility and don't take vacations so my hands are permanently squeezed like the Arthur meme. Please sign these waivers that my lawyer prepared. Yes. Initial there. Notarize here. Ok wonderful, u can touch the PP now πŸ€—." Nah but real talk at the end of the day, red flags will always be alluring. Captivating. "Maybe I can change this person? Or maybe this person won't burn me like they burned others." No, and hell no πŸ˜‚. If u date a snake, just understand that despite how beautiful and silky that snake is, one day it's gon bite. U might recall that Siegfried and Roy, the Las Vegas couple that puts on shows with wild animals, once had an incident where a tiger bit, and paralyzed, Roy. Chris Rock joked that the "tiger went tiger." Roy never blamed the tiger and even said the tiger was trying to take care of him. Roy understood the tiger's nature and didn't resent the tiger when it's nature revealed itself. Next time u get bit just remember - if that's in their nature, it was just a matter of time. U could obsess over people's shortcomings or enjoy the good they had to offer and let it ride. Ya get me! Bless up πŸ™Œβ€

Now look, u gon date people who throw red flags up. Red flags left. Red flags right. They gon tie a red flag around your face and u gon w...

Save