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Ass, Fall, and Hail Mary: I almost died today. Here is the true story So Iwas derping in my backyard today, picking up dog crap. The whole time, my dog was just sitting there watching me, enjoying the sight. So I go to the small section in between my trampoline and my fence. Now if any of you haven't seen my trampoline, it is really old and there are these black foam things on the bars that used to hold up a net, but they are mostly destroyed now. So I walk in the narrow space, and I get completely covered by the hugest web I've ever felt. All over my face, all over my chest and shoulders. I freak out, but I realize that there is no worries. I see no spider, and it would have to be a big ass spider to concoct such a glorious web. Well, sure enough, in the middle of my struggle to break free, I look up, and slowly, ever so slowly, I see the huge, black-brown mass of a spider about the size of my fist crawl out of some old, decaying foam protectors. I stare at it; it stares back. I look closely for any threads connecting us, and there, glinting back at me with sunlight, is one strand of spider web, connecting the hulk spider to my face. It realizes the fact at the same time as me, and thinks, "Yes! This boy's eye sockets will make excellent breeding holes for my eggs!! and starts a full on crawling sprint towards me. I freak out, and begin to struggle even more and more to release myself from this web. It reaches the halfway mark and sees me begin to escape, so it goes for gold. The Hail Mary play. A daring leap straight for the head. Time slows down. This thing has all legs extended, blocking out the sun. A sure death for me. My left arm breaks free from the web. This could be my chance! A quick and decisive left cross reaches the spider JUST in time knocking the behemoth against the fence. It looks dazed; begins to squirm around on the ground, preparing for a counteroffensive. I don't give it a chance. I take the poop shovel in both my hands, shout a battle cry of pure victorious slaughter and smash my enemy into a crumpled pile, each strike emanating a loud crunch of the monster's body.I emerge the survivor in this battle. Thank you video games, for my improved reaction time, lest I fall victim to fate Unlike Comment Share 3 hours ago you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com epicjohndoe: This Man Should Write A Novel
Anaconda, Bad, and Click: Teachers: Wikipedia is very u instead nreliable "Hands out 25 year old textbooks Alrighty guys gals, and other genders and lack thereof I'm gonna teach ya a thing A lot of teachers will go on about not using wikipedia as a source. It's bad, they say. 1 will deduct points if you do it. Well wikipedia is actually a great source of information and fuck what your teacher said, you absolutely can use it The key though is knowing A. How to use it. B. How to source it and C. whether it is good info or trash. NowFirst Lets look up something on wikipedia. Say your writing a paper on Gregor Mendel and Mendelian Inheritance. So you zoom over to the Wikipedia page on Mendelian Inheritance. Now there is a lot of information here. Not all of it is strictly necessary for that essay you are writing. So you read through and suddenly you see something that is good info for your essay Boy oh boy this information is useful. To bad your teacher said No Wikipedia Ever However there is a loophole. It's right there. No. Go closer r each trait from each parent. You see that little four? Its a citation number. Think of wikipedia as it's own essay. It got it's information from other sources out there. Just ike you are trying to right now. And since there is a citation, it's going to be listed at the end of the wikipedia article. Look at citation number 4 Look at that you have your first citation. From Wikipedia. And look. Do you see it. There is a link. It's the blue words with the boxy tion ai That thing. Click it. Why did you leave wikipedia you ask? Wikipedia is great. You have several sources from there. But There is more than what the put in to that wiki article. Those sources Wikipedia gave you are helpful. And now that you are at the source, you can ublize it But what if its a book that's the source You can either head to your local library and see if they have it, order it, on avoid the book source. Online sources are just as valuable. Also do not quote directly from the wikipedia. Quote from the source and then use quote citation. And MLA citation. Use MLA citation. Since you are linked to the sources cite them. Not the wikipedia. Your teacher will never know. And now you can finish that sweet e got planned ssay you You're on your way to greatness. For anybody not aware you can abuse the absolute fuck out of Wikipedia for any papers! rm an academic librarian and i 100% endorse this post l am also an academic ibrarian and I 100% endorse this post CITATIONS are important Wikipedia
God, Lawyer, and Shoes: Tinkoff Credit Systems About the Bank IA THEMETAPICTURECOM Guy does to bank what banks usually do to other people 1 day ago The idea of beating the banks at their own game may seem like a rich joke, but Dmitry Agarkov, a 42-year-old Russian man, may have managed it Unhappy with the terms of an unsolicited credit card offer he received from online bank Tinkoft Credit Systems, Agarkov scanned the document wrote in his own terms and sent it through. The bank approved the contract without reading the amended fne print, unwittingly agreeing to a 0 percent interest rate, unlimited credit and no fees, as well as a stipulation that the bank pay steep fines for changing or canceling the contract Agarkov used the card for two years, but the bank ultimately canceled it and sued Agarkov for $1.363. The bank said he owed them charges interest and late-payment fees A court ruled that because of the no-fee, no-interest stipulation Agarkov had written in, he owed only his unpaid $575 balance Now Agarkov is suing the bank for $727,000 for not honoring the contract's terms and the bank is hollering fraud They signed the documents without looking They said what usually their borrowers say in court We have not read it Agarkov's lawyer said. The shoe's on the other foot now, eh? Soucel lfeellike: allthingshyper: st-just: Hero. If you look up power move in the dictionary, you get this story god bless this man

lfeellike: allthingshyper: st-just: Hero. If you look up power move in the dictionary, you get this story god bless this man

Being Alone, Baseball, and Cute: 6 at 10:22 PM- About 3 years ago I answered my phone and there was an elderly lady who said hello is this Johnny. I told her no it's not Johnny you must have the wrong number. She then proceeds to read my phone number back to me and I told her that the number she was calling could not be correct because it was my number. She then said she was sorry and hung up. She called again right after that. I told her no it's still me. She then would call me about once a week and I would have to tell her that she had the wrong number One time she called and I asked her how she was doing, she told me about her day, the noisy neighbors, her favorite TV show that she watched this afternoon and whatever else she wanted to tell me. She then asked me how my day was and I told her. She asked me how the kids were doing and I told talking to Johnny. I never told her I was Johnny but I never told her I wasn't. She would call about once every two weeks and the conversations usually went the same. When she asked about the kids I would tell her about mine She would talk about the last time she had seen them they were just little boys playing baseball in their cute uniforms. When I told her they were all grown up now she would remark that they grow up so fast. About six months ago I stopped getting phone calls. To be honest I really didn't think about it until I heard a commercial on the radio that sounded a lot like her. Then wondered what had happened to her. Well tonight when I got home from my men's meeting my phone rang and it was her. She told me that she had been ill and was in the hospital but she was much better now and home. She told me that they did not want her to come back home but she told them I've lived alone for 44 years I live alone just fine for the rest of my years. She then told me about her day about the noisy neighbors and about her TV show. She then told me she had to go because it was her bedtime, but we will talk again soon. Well curiosity got the better of me andI decided to do a reverse look up to see if I could find anything out about my mystery lady. Well I found her, she lives in the city& is 108 years old. I also found out her name for the first time because I never asked. Her first name swhich coincidentally was my grandmother's name. Her Johnny passed away about 23 years ago. I got this phone number about 21 years ago. So she very well may have had that correct number. It may have just been reassigned to me. I am looking forward to my next phone call from my friend Saw this post on my uncles facebook, made my day. via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2QEBAi0

Saw this post on my uncles facebook, made my day. via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2QEBAi0