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    Af, Asian, and Aww: Anonymous 04/23/18 (Mon)22:57:12 No.766778676
 Hey /b/romosexuals, story time
 > Be me, 17 year old 7/10 male
 Have an objectively 6,
 subjectively 8/10 asian gf who
 loves me
 182 KB JPG
 Major trust issues from a
 relationship that went bad a while ago
 relationship
 friends since 13
 Clingy af, probably still a result of that last
 We've known each other since we were 12, been
 Tell her I love her evervdav
 Despite her always replying that she loves me to,
 start doubting that
 Gf tells me after a lot of thinking, she's asexual
 Ohshitlmaydieavirgin
 Suddenly text my ex spontaneously, find out
 she's single
 Lie and say I'm single
 She asks to meet up for a coffee at Tims (I'm a
 Leaf)
 > I decide to go because I'm pissed at my gf
 Continue?

 Alright then
 go to the meet up with ex
 s my ex is just as beautiful as ever. She has
 shorter hair and small tits but thats sorta my thing
 She got me a coffee alread
 >It was the same type of coffee I drank when
 was with her on our first date (Double double)
 >She smiles, it looks cute on her
 > I ask her whats up, and she mentions my clearly
 visible erection
 I sat down faster than I lost my erection
 s We make small talk for a bit, we instantly have a
 spark
 > I havent felt this spark for a few years
 Eventually she says what both of us have been
 thinking
 "We should get back together."
 Idk what to say. Can't tell her I lied about being
 single at this point, but I also like her a lot more
 than my gf
 > Decide to keep it going
 "Sure, but I don't have a lot of free time with
 work.
 > I just lost my job
 > I give her the address to the apartment I'm in,
 which I don't actually pay for. My best bud does
 Invite her over one time
 She says "Why not tonight?"
 My gf hasn't text me and doesnt have a key, and
 my buddy is out of townm
 Sure, what could go wrong?
 Almost done the story /b/ois, cont.?

 > Take her back to the apartment
 > Time is a bit late. Ask her what she wants to do
 She immediately gives me a smile that could
 only mean one of two things, sex or something
 sexual
 > Before I can say anything she notices a picture
 have of me and my girlfriend on top of the shelf
 >"Who's this?"
 > I panic
 > My sister
 >She gets confused. My sister is asian?
 > "You never told me you had a sister, anon, andI
 met your family
 > Ohshit.jpg
 > I make up a story on the spot about my parents
 splitting and my dad remarrying. She's my
 stepsister. We broke up over a year ago. My
 parents fought once in front of her. Not too far
 fetched
 "Aww, anon. I'm so sorry." She says, basically
 jumping into my arms after putting the photo
 down
 Haven't even blown a load in at least a week
 >Boner is visible
 >She goes for it. I had forgotten that one of the
 main reasons we broke up was her sex drive and
 mine not matching up
 >Suddenly remember second was that she was a
 crazy bitch towards me sometimes
 > I just go with it and hope that I wont remember
 this in a month
 Best sex I ever had. (I bagged up tho. No
 worries
 sWe fall asleep in eachothers arms on my
 roommates bed

 crazv bitch towards me sometimes
 >I just go with it and hope that I wont remember
 this in a month
 Best sex I ever had. (I bagged up tho. No
 worries
 s We fall asleep in eachothers arms on my
 roommates bed
 Wake up to a banging on the door
 Groggily get up to find my ex making breakfast
 and my best friends gf at the door
 Wtf
 I yell through the door at her "What do you want?"
 (My best bud) left something and needed her to
 bring it to him
 > I open the door cautiously
 She sees my ex, and me half naked. She ofo
 knows about my af
 She asks to talk to me in private
 Takes me to the bedroom, locks the door and
 quietly asks me "Are you cheating or did you break
 I don't lie to her
 >She gets frustrated with me and leaves without
 my buds thing he needed
 "What was that?" My ex asks
 Now T don't remember exactly what I said at this
 point because I was scared shitless. My buds gf
 was for sure gonna tell mine and now things were
 gonna tumble down
 Cont?

 > "What was that anon?"
 >Ex js getting visibly annoyed and worried
 > She looks back at the photo of me and my
 "sister
 I look down at the floor
 My ex suddenly pieces something together right
 then and there
 >"ls she vour girlfriend?"
 > I fucking crumble and admit everything
 >She's surprisingly understanding, but just as
 understandably upset
 > ''You should call her
 No
 >"I need you to do this for me"
 I do
 > I explain the whole thing to her, sparing the
 sexual details
 > She sounds pretty heartbroken
 I try to console her but it doesnt work as well as l
 would have hoped
 She hangs up on me
 I'm in a puddle of tears sitting next to the first girl
 | ever loved
 > She hugs me awkwardly one last time
 > "I need one more thing from you
 > I look at her and wipe away some tears. "What?"
 > She smiles at me warmly and says "I need about
 tree fiddy
 I suddenly realised what I should have long ago
 My ex was about 8 stories tall and was a
 crustacean from the paleozoic era
 The god damn loch ness monster had tricked me
 again
Anon is conflicted
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Af, Asian, and Aww: Anonymous 04/23/18 (Mon)22:57:12 No.766778676
 Hey /b/romosexuals, story time
 > Be me, 17 year old 7/10 male
 Have an objectively 6,
 subjectively 8/10 asian gf who
 loves me
 182 KB JPG
 Major trust issues from a
 relationship that went bad a while ago
 relationship
 friends since 13
 Clingy af, probably still a result of that last
 We've known each other since we were 12, been
 Tell her I love her evervdav
 Despite her always replying that she loves me to,
 start doubting that
 Gf tells me after a lot of thinking, she's asexual
 Ohshitlmaydieavirgin
 Suddenly text my ex spontaneously, find out
 she's single
 Lie and say I'm single
 She asks to meet up for a coffee at Tims (I'm a
 Leaf)
 > I decide to go because I'm pissed at my gf
 Continue?

 Alright then
 go to the meet up with ex
 s my ex is just as beautiful as ever. She has
 shorter hair and small tits but thats sorta my thing
 She got me a coffee alread
 >It was the same type of coffee I drank when
 was with her on our first date (Double double)
 >She smiles, it looks cute on her
 > I ask her whats up, and she mentions my clearly
 visible erection
 I sat down faster than I lost my erection
 s We make small talk for a bit, we instantly have a
 spark
 > I havent felt this spark for a few years
 Eventually she says what both of us have been
 thinking
 "We should get back together."
 Idk what to say. Can't tell her I lied about being
 single at this point, but I also like her a lot more
 than my gf
 > Decide to keep it going
 "Sure, but I don't have a lot of free time with
 work.
 > I just lost my job
 > I give her the address to the apartment I'm in,
 which I don't actually pay for. My best bud does
 Invite her over one time
 She says "Why not tonight?"
 My gf hasn't text me and doesnt have a key, and
 my buddy is out of townm
 Sure, what could go wrong?
 Almost done the story /b/ois, cont.?

 > Take her back to the apartment
 > Time is a bit late. Ask her what she wants to do
 She immediately gives me a smile that could
 only mean one of two things, sex or something
 sexual
 > Before I can say anything she notices a picture
 have of me and my girlfriend on top of the shelf
 >"Who's this?"
 > I panic
 > My sister
 >She gets confused. My sister is asian?
 > "You never told me you had a sister, anon, andI
 met your family
 > Ohshit.jpg
 > I make up a story on the spot about my parents
 splitting and my dad remarrying. She's my
 stepsister. We broke up over a year ago. My
 parents fought once in front of her. Not too far
 fetched
 "Aww, anon. I'm so sorry." She says, basically
 jumping into my arms after putting the photo
 down
 Haven't even blown a load in at least a week
 >Boner is visible
 >She goes for it. I had forgotten that one of the
 main reasons we broke up was her sex drive and
 mine not matching up
 >Suddenly remember second was that she was a
 crazy bitch towards me sometimes
 > I just go with it and hope that I wont remember
 this in a month
 Best sex I ever had. (I bagged up tho. No
 worries
 sWe fall asleep in eachothers arms on my
 roommates bed

 crazv bitch towards me sometimes
 >I just go with it and hope that I wont remember
 this in a month
 Best sex I ever had. (I bagged up tho. No
 worries
 s We fall asleep in eachothers arms on my
 roommates bed
 Wake up to a banging on the door
 Groggily get up to find my ex making breakfast
 and my best friends gf at the door
 Wtf
 I yell through the door at her "What do you want?"
 (My best bud) left something and needed her to
 bring it to him
 > I open the door cautiously
 She sees my ex, and me half naked. She ofo
 knows about my af
 She asks to talk to me in private
 Takes me to the bedroom, locks the door and
 quietly asks me "Are you cheating or did you break
 I don't lie to her
 >She gets frustrated with me and leaves without
 my buds thing he needed
 "What was that?" My ex asks
 Now T don't remember exactly what I said at this
 point because I was scared shitless. My buds gf
 was for sure gonna tell mine and now things were
 gonna tumble down
 Cont?

 > "What was that anon?"
 >Ex js getting visibly annoyed and worried
 > She looks back at the photo of me and my
 "sister
 I look down at the floor
 My ex suddenly pieces something together right
 then and there
 >"ls she vour girlfriend?"
 > I fucking crumble and admit everything
 >She's surprisingly understanding, but just as
 understandably upset
 > ''You should call her
 No
 >"I need you to do this for me"
 I do
 > I explain the whole thing to her, sparing the
 sexual details
 > She sounds pretty heartbroken
 I try to console her but it doesnt work as well as l
 would have hoped
 She hangs up on me
 I'm in a puddle of tears sitting next to the first girl
 | ever loved
 > She hugs me awkwardly one last time
 > "I need one more thing from you
 > I look at her and wipe away some tears. "What?"
 > She smiles at me warmly and says "I need about
 tree fiddy
 I suddenly realised what I should have long ago
 My ex was about 8 stories tall and was a
 crustacean from the paleozoic era
 The god damn loch ness monster had tricked me
 again
Anon is conflicted
                
            

            
            
Anon is conflicted

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                




    Big Dick, Chill, and Church: ITT: Glorious Retards
 >be me
 mormonfag
 church boring as fuck
 not really that interested in going, its a cult, mostly do it for
 my family
 hate testimony week
 basically open mic day once a week at church
 people go up and are supposed to talk about how great
 god is or whatever, generally just talk about how great they
 are and what vacation they went on last
 literally just a big dick measuring contest
 new family moves into ward
 pretty unusual situation: single dad, downie kid. we learned
 way later that he accidentally got a girl pregnant, she
 wanted to abort downie, he said he'd raise the baby himself
 rather than see that happen.
 not sure if i agree with it, but gotta admit, that's honorable
 as fuck
 downies a good kid too, sweet as can be, not as dumb as
 you'd think
 anyway
 testimony week comes around, dreading it
 first guy goes up, starts talking about how he baptized a lot
 of people on his mission
 >am rolling my eyes in five dimensions when I heard downie
 roar from across the room
 "TEHTIMONEY WEEK IS FOHR TEHTIMONEYS! NOE!"
 room goes quiet, guy wraps up quickly, sits down
 people tell actual wholesome stuff, they fear the downie.
 no dick measuring with him around
 next week similar thing happens: woman goes up to talk
 about how much she loves her husband, and how he took
 the whole family on a trip to mexico recently
 Downie interrupts
 "TEHTIMONEY! WEEK! IS! FOHR! TEHTIMONEYS! NOE!"
 lady sits down, normal talking goes on, im officially
 borderline gay for downie
 later talking with my edgelord apostate friends, we all talk
 about how downie is the best thing to happen to this ward
 ever
 we find downie and thank him for keeping it real. his dad
 is super touched that we all stopped by, we all make sure
 to thank downie for his interruptions and tell him to keep it
 real
 we thought maybe his dad would be annoyed that we were
 encouraging this, but his dad was chill as could be
 6.5 kB JPG

 33 min. ago.
 Anonymous | 44806137
 cont
 next week, Downey takes it up a notclh
 mormon services have two or three talks a servic, all done by volunteers, but
 the talks can suuuuuuck
 worst ones are when old people/newly returned missionaries are asked to talk
 and they ramble for an hour and a half
 old lady is going on and on about growing up in the great depression. we're all
 about to go insane when downie stands up
 YOU TAHK TOO LON, OTHER SPEACHERS NEED TO TAHK TOO
 lady wraps up
 we're all in fucking awe of this god among us
 anytime somebody rambles, or tries to humblebrag, downie calls them out
 its fucking amazing
 >church is still a cult but its actually kind of fun now with downie there
 me and my edgelord friends keep an eye on him, nobody fucks with our downie
 we get near the end of HS when downie has a heart attack
 we all visit him in the hospital. we fucking love him
 >he survived the heart attack, but he just may not have a whole lot of time left.
 the sunday, the dad announces that him and his son are going to be moving out
 of state. wants to show his son more of the world before he dies.
 me and my friends go to downies house to say goodbye, tell him we're going to
 miss him so much, testimoney week is going to turn back to shit with him gone
 downie asks if he can tell us a secret
 we say sure, you can tell us anything
 "Dah tole me wat to say all those times.
 >mfw his dad originally used his retarded son as a way to ignore social
 conventions and tell people to stfu, but wound up continuing to do it for years
 because he knew it was helping him have friends.
 >mfw when im not sure if his dad is an asshole or a genius
 >mfw I don't even care anymore, I still think fondly of that glorious downie
 bastard yelling at old ladies from the back of the chapel
 1 REPLY
Anon goes to church
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Big Dick, Chill, and Church: ITT: Glorious Retards
 >be me
 mormonfag
 church boring as fuck
 not really that interested in going, its a cult, mostly do it for
 my family
 hate testimony week
 basically open mic day once a week at church
 people go up and are supposed to talk about how great
 god is or whatever, generally just talk about how great they
 are and what vacation they went on last
 literally just a big dick measuring contest
 new family moves into ward
 pretty unusual situation: single dad, downie kid. we learned
 way later that he accidentally got a girl pregnant, she
 wanted to abort downie, he said he'd raise the baby himself
 rather than see that happen.
 not sure if i agree with it, but gotta admit, that's honorable
 as fuck
 downies a good kid too, sweet as can be, not as dumb as
 you'd think
 anyway
 testimony week comes around, dreading it
 first guy goes up, starts talking about how he baptized a lot
 of people on his mission
 >am rolling my eyes in five dimensions when I heard downie
 roar from across the room
 "TEHTIMONEY WEEK IS FOHR TEHTIMONEYS! NOE!"
 room goes quiet, guy wraps up quickly, sits down
 people tell actual wholesome stuff, they fear the downie.
 no dick measuring with him around
 next week similar thing happens: woman goes up to talk
 about how much she loves her husband, and how he took
 the whole family on a trip to mexico recently
 Downie interrupts
 "TEHTIMONEY! WEEK! IS! FOHR! TEHTIMONEYS! NOE!"
 lady sits down, normal talking goes on, im officially
 borderline gay for downie
 later talking with my edgelord apostate friends, we all talk
 about how downie is the best thing to happen to this ward
 ever
 we find downie and thank him for keeping it real. his dad
 is super touched that we all stopped by, we all make sure
 to thank downie for his interruptions and tell him to keep it
 real
 we thought maybe his dad would be annoyed that we were
 encouraging this, but his dad was chill as could be
 6.5 kB JPG

 33 min. ago.
 Anonymous | 44806137
 cont
 next week, Downey takes it up a notclh
 mormon services have two or three talks a servic, all done by volunteers, but
 the talks can suuuuuuck
 worst ones are when old people/newly returned missionaries are asked to talk
 and they ramble for an hour and a half
 old lady is going on and on about growing up in the great depression. we're all
 about to go insane when downie stands up
 YOU TAHK TOO LON, OTHER SPEACHERS NEED TO TAHK TOO
 lady wraps up
 we're all in fucking awe of this god among us
 anytime somebody rambles, or tries to humblebrag, downie calls them out
 its fucking amazing
 >church is still a cult but its actually kind of fun now with downie there
 me and my edgelord friends keep an eye on him, nobody fucks with our downie
 we get near the end of HS when downie has a heart attack
 we all visit him in the hospital. we fucking love him
 >he survived the heart attack, but he just may not have a whole lot of time left.
 the sunday, the dad announces that him and his son are going to be moving out
 of state. wants to show his son more of the world before he dies.
 me and my friends go to downies house to say goodbye, tell him we're going to
 miss him so much, testimoney week is going to turn back to shit with him gone
 downie asks if he can tell us a secret
 we say sure, you can tell us anything
 "Dah tole me wat to say all those times.
 >mfw his dad originally used his retarded son as a way to ignore social
 conventions and tell people to stfu, but wound up continuing to do it for years
 because he knew it was helping him have friends.
 >mfw when im not sure if his dad is an asshole or a genius
 >mfw I don't even care anymore, I still think fondly of that glorious downie
 bastard yelling at old ladies from the back of the chapel
 1 REPLY
Anon goes to church
                
            

            
            
Anon goes to church