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Beautiful, Birthday, and Bless Up: This old man turned 15 today. Can we wish my four egged baby a happy birthday? So this morning on the way to the gym I parked in the lot, took my glasses off and left them in the middle console of my car so I could run inside and get it in on this stair master (while watching my wifey who don’t know she my wifey Mrs Maizel do her COT 👏 DAMN 👏 THING 👏 ON 👏 THAT 👏 SCREEN 👏 U 👏 GO 👏 BABY 👏 GIRL 👏 EFF 👏 JOEL 👏 WITCHOE 👏 SHARP 👏 WIT 👏 AND 👏 MOUNTAINOUS 👏 TÈTA$ 👏 LMAO) because I only need them to see far, not while I’m actually at the gym. I come back after knocking out my workout and the left lens is frozen over bruv. BRUV. I CANT SEE LMAO. The steam had frozen into a beautiful snowflake pattern but just one eye. I have driven in a car with a frozen windshield because I am too rushed to scrape it but having to drive with one frozen eyeball was some insane Sh!t bruv! It was a gentle reminder of this ridiculous frozen tundra that I live in and that arguably no human should live in because who the hell would want to live under 4 to 6 inches of snow LOL (Canada, no shots, I know yall get twice as much snow on a regular schmegular Wednesday but y’all veins pump maple syrup it don’t freeze like us we got normal blood lmao.) Anyway this summer I’ll be back to talking smack about how Chicago is the best city on earth so when I do that, y’all are authorized to remind me that once upon a time I was tight asf that I lived in the cot dang South Pole. Remember that brand? South Pole? With the baggy coats and jeans? I used to want to afford that stuff so much but I couldn’t but then when it fell out of style I was like I NEVER ROCKED THAT UGLY ISHT HAHAHAHAHA I AM SO FANCY (why am I like this 😑 bless up 😍😂😂) (Slide 1: @aturner411. Slide 2: reddit u-wampus514. Please check out www.dogs4warriors.org ❤️. Slide 3: @goosewhomst. Slide 4: @jadethesablegsd.)
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Animals, Bailey Jay, and Community: gluklixhe: ironbite4: fluffmugger: crazythingsfromhistory: archaeologistforhire: thegirlthewolfate: theopensea: kiwianaroha: pearlsnapbutton: desiremyblack: smileforthehigh: unexplained-events: Researchers have used Easter Island Moai replicas to show how they might have been “walked” to where they are displayed. VIDEO Finally. People need to realize aliens aren’t the answer for everything (when they use it to erase poc civilizations and how smart they were) (via TumbleOn) What’s really wild is that the native people literally told the Europeans “they walked” when asked how the statues were moved. The Europeans were like “lol these backwards heathens and their fairy tales guess it’s gonna always be a mystery!” Maori told Europeans that kiore were native rats and no one believed them until DNA tests proved it And the Iroquois told Europeans that squirels showed them how to tap maple syrup and no one believed them until they caught it on video Oral history from various First Nations tribes in the Pacific Northwest contained stories about a massive earthquake/tsunami hitting the coast, but no one listened to them until scientists discovered physical evidence of quakes from the Cascadia fault line. Roopkund Lake AKA “Skeleton Lake” in the Himalayas in India is eerie because it was discovered with hundreds of skeletal remains and for the life of them researchers couldn’t figure out what it was that killed them. For decades the “mystery” went unsolved. Until they finally payed closer attention to local songs and legend that all essentially said “Yah the Goddess Nanda Devi got mad and sent huge heave stones down to kill them”. That was consistent with huge contusions found all on their neck and shoulders and the weather patterns of the area, which are prone to huge inevitably deadly goddamn hailstones. https://www.facebook.com/atlasobscura/videos/10154065247212728/ Literally these legends were past down for over a thousand years and it still took researched 50 to “figure out” the “mystery”. 🙄 Adding to this, the Inuit communities in Nunavut KNEW where both the wrecks of the HMS Erebus and HMS Terror were literally the entire time but Europeans/white people didn’t even bother consulting them about either ship until like…last year.  “Inuit traditional knowledge was critical to the discovery of both ships, she pointed out, offering the Canadian government a powerful demonstration of what can be achieved when Inuit voices are included in the process. In contrast, the tragic fate of the 129 men on the Franklin expedition hints at the high cost of marginalising those who best know the area and its history. “If Inuit had been consulted 200 years ago and asked for their traditional knowledge – this is our backyard – those two wrecks would have been found, lives would have been saved. I’m confident of that,” she said. “But they believed their civilization was superior and that was their undoing.” https://www.theguardian.com/world/2016/sep/16/inuit-canada-britain-shipwreck-hms-terror-nunavut “Oh yeah, I heard a lot of stories about Terror, the ships, but I guess Parks Canada don’t listen to people,” Kogvik said. “They just ignore Inuit stories about the Terror ship.” Schimnowski said the crew had also heard stories about people on the land seeing the silhouette of a masted ship at sunset. “The community knew about this for many, many years. It’s hard for people to stop and actually listen … especially people from the South.”  http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/north/sammy-kogvik-hms-terror-franklin-1.3763653 Indigenous Australians have had stories about giant kangaroos and wombats for thousands of years, and European settlers just kinda assumed they were myths. Cut to more recently when evidence of megafauna was discovered, giant versions of Australian animals that died out 41 000 years ago. Similarly, scientists have been stumped about how native Palm trees got to a valley in the middle of Australia, and it wasn’t until a few years ago that someone did DNA testing and concluded that seeds had been carried there from the north around 30 000 years ago… aaand someone pointed out that Indigenous people have had stories about gods from the north carrying the seeds to a valley in the central desert. oh man let me tell you about Indigenous Australian myths - the framework they use (with multi-generational checking that’s unique on the planet, meaning there’s no drifting or mutation of the story, seriously they are hardcore about maintaining integrity) means that we literally have multiple first-hand accounts of life and the ecosystem before the end of the last ice age it’s literally the oldest accurate oral history of the world.   Now consider this: most people consider the start of recorded history to be with  the Sumerians and the Early Dynastic period of the Egyptians.  So around 3500 BCE, or five and a half thousand years agoThese highly accurate Aboriginal oral histories originate from twenty thousand years ago at least Ain’t it amazing what white people consider history and what they don’t? I always said disservice is done to oral traditions and myth when you take them literally. Ancient people were not stupid.
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Barbie, Birthday, and Facts: altonzm-deactivated20170213 french recipes: if you're not making this in paris then what's the point. fuck you italian recipes: use the left leg meat of a pig from one of three farms in this specific area of tuscany, or from this day my grandmother will begin manifesting physically in your house thirdtimecharmed american recipes: buy these three can:s of stuff and put them in a pan congrats you cooked svynakee hinese recipes, as handed down from mother to child: season it with a pinch of this and some of that. you want to know the exact amount? feel it in your heart. ask the stars. yell into the void orriculum English recipes: boil and salt it. Okay that's it enjoy digitalfare Greek recipes: You followed all the right steps but this isn't quite right. I don't know what to tell you. jamesandlilys Australia recipes: chuck it on the barbie % pajarosdelamancha Latinx recipes: you will never make it better than your abuela, face the facts narwhal-noir Armenian recipes: spend eight days laboring over the stove. the food will be flavorful with the sacrifice of your sanity. no one will appreciate it. moldychesee Canadian recipes: It either needs more bacon, more maple syrup, more gravy, or an unholy combination of the three dixon-arrows Polish recipes: you have to toUCH THE DOUGH, FEEL THE PIEROGI IN YOUR HEART, TOUCH IT, LICK IT, SMELL IT beckyhop Every time I see this post, I learn more about how different countries cuisines AND neuroses. memesandshipsgalore Indian recipes: there are 500 cuisines and that means 500 versions of this dish that has 500 spices so gl onceuponamirror ashki jewish recipes: no, no. no. more onion. jumpingjacktrash internet recipes: here is a heartwarming story about my baby sister's third birthday that i completely made up, and a copypaste from alton brown piedude Irish recipes: PO TA TOES BOILTEM MASH EM STICKEM IN A STEW My cooking style is somewhere between American and Armenian. How about you?
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Barbie, Birthday, and Facts: G adversity-fear-will altonzm-deactivated20170213 french recipes: if you're not making this in paris then what's the point. fuck you italian recipes: use the left leg meat of a pig from one of three farms in this specific area of tuscany, or from this day my grandmother will begin manifesting physically in your house thirdtimecharmed american recipes: buy these three cans of stuff and put them in a pan congrats you cooked svynakee chinese recipes, as handed down from mother to child: season it with a pinch of this and some of that. you want to know the exact amount? feel it in your heart. ask the stars. yell into the void. English recipes: boil and salt it. Okay that's it enjoy digitalfare Greek recipes: You followed all the right steps but this isn't quite right. I don't knovw what to tell you. jamesandilys Australia recipes: chuck it on the barbie Latinx recipes: you will never make it better than your abuela, face the facts Armenian recipes: spend eight days laboring over the stove. the food will be flavorful with the sacrifice of your sanity. no one will appreciate it. Canadian recipes: It either needs more bacon, more maple syrup, more gravy, or an unholy combination of the three dixon-arrows Polish recipes: you have to toUCH THE DOUGH, FEEL THE PIEROGI IN YOUR HEART TOUCH IT. LICK IT, SMELL IT beckyhop Every time l see this post, I learn more about how different countries cuisines AND neuroses. Indian recipes: there are 500 cuisines and that means 500 versions of this dish that has 500 spices so gl ashki jewish recipes: no, no. no. more onion. internet recipes: here is a heartwarming story about my baby sisters third birthday that i completely made up, and a copypaste from alton brown. piedude rish recipes: PO TA TOES American Midwest recipe: If it's not in a casserole dish then what the fuck are you even doing? deadmomjokes Southern US recipe: Have you tried frying it? MMMM CRISPY shinysoroka Spanish recipes: never-ending fight over whether tortilla is supposed to have onion or not. Blood will be drawn fuocogo West African Recipes: It's a metaphor, you see? You put the killing pepper right in your food, but you never eat the pepper itself never give it the power to kill you. 656,584 notes recipes around the world
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America, Maple Syrup, and Maple: America builds a wall to keep out illegal Canadians and their maple syrup. (2018)

America builds a wall to keep out illegal Canadians and their maple syrup. (2018)

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Barbie, Birthday, and Facts: altonzm french recipes: if you're not making this in paris then what's the point. fuck you talian recipes: use the left leg meat of a pig from one of three farms in this specific area of tuscany, or from this day my grandmother will begin manifesting physically in your house thirdtimecharmed american recipes: buy these three cans of stuff and put them in a pan congrats you cooked chinese recipes, as handed down from mother to child: season it with a pinch of this and some of that. you want to know the exact amount? feel it in your heart. ask the stars. yell into the void. orriculum English recipes: boil and salt it. Okay that's it enjoy digitalfare Greek recipes: You followed all the right steps but this isn't quite right. I don't know what to tell you. jamesandlilys Australia recipes: chuck it on the barbie pajarosdelamancha Latinx recipes: you will never make it better than your abuela, face the facts narwhal-noir Armenian recipes: spend eight days laboring over the stove. the food will be flavorful with the sacrifice of your sanity no one will appreciate it. moldychesee Canadian recipes: It either needs more bacon, more maple syrup, more gravy or an unholy combination of the three dixon-arrows Polish recipes: you have to toUCH THE DOUGH, FEEL THE PIEROGI IN YOUR HEART, TOUCH IT. LICK IT. SMELL IT beckyhop Every time I see this post, I learn more about how different countries cuisines AND neuroses. memesandshipsgalore Indian recipes: there are 500 cuisines and that means 500 versions of this dish that has 500 spices so gl onceuponamirror ashki jewish recipes: no, no. no. more onion. jumpingjacktrash internet recipes: here is a heartwarming story about my baby sister's third birthday that i completely made up, and a copypaste from alton brown. piedude Irish recipes: PO TA TOES BOILEM MASH 'EM STICK EM IN A STEW International Recipes
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Animals, Bailey Jay, and Community: gluklixhe: ironbite4: fluffmugger: crazythingsfromhistory: archaeologistforhire: thegirlthewolfate: theopensea: kiwianaroha: pearlsnapbutton: desiremyblack: smileforthehigh: unexplained-events: Researchers have used Easter Island Moai replicas to show how they might have been “walked” to where they are displayed. VIDEO Finally. People need to realize aliens aren’t the answer for everything (when they use it to erase poc civilizations and how smart they were) (via TumbleOn) What’s really wild is that the native people literally told the Europeans “they walked” when asked how the statues were moved. The Europeans were like “lol these backwards heathens and their fairy tales guess it’s gonna always be a mystery!” Maori told Europeans that kiore were native rats and no one believed them until DNA tests proved it And the Iroquois told Europeans that squirels showed them how to tap maple syrup and no one believed them until they caught it on video Oral history from various First Nations tribes in the Pacific Northwest contained stories about a massive earthquake/tsunami hitting the coast, but no one listened to them until scientists discovered physical evidence of quakes from the Cascadia fault line. Roopkund Lake AKA “Skeleton Lake” in the Himalayas in India is eerie because it was discovered with hundreds of skeletal remains and for the life of them researchers couldn’t figure out what it was that killed them. For decades the “mystery” went unsolved. Until they finally payed closer attention to local songs and legend that all essentially said “Yah the Goddess Nanda Devi got mad and sent huge heave stones down to kill them”. That was consistent with huge contusions found all on their neck and shoulders and the weather patterns of the area, which are prone to huge inevitably deadly goddamn hailstones. https://www.facebook.com/atlasobscura/videos/10154065247212728/ Literally these legends were past down for over a thousand years and it still took researched 50 to “figure out” the “mystery”. 🙄 Adding to this, the Inuit communities in Nunavut KNEW where both the wrecks of the HMS Erebus and HMS Terror were literally the entire time but Europeans/white people didn’t even bother consulting them about either ship until like…last year.  “Inuit traditional knowledge was critical to the discovery of both ships, she pointed out, offering the Canadian government a powerful demonstration of what can be achieved when Inuit voices are included in the process. In contrast, the tragic fate of the 129 men on the Franklin expedition hints at the high cost of marginalising those who best know the area and its history. “If Inuit had been consulted 200 years ago and asked for their traditional knowledge – this is our backyard – those two wrecks would have been found, lives would have been saved. I’m confident of that,” she said. “But they believed their civilization was superior and that was their undoing.” https://www.theguardian.com/world/2016/sep/16/inuit-canada-britain-shipwreck-hms-terror-nunavut “Oh yeah, I heard a lot of stories about Terror, the ships, but I guess Parks Canada don’t listen to people,” Kogvik said. “They just ignore Inuit stories about the Terror ship.” Schimnowski said the crew had also heard stories about people on the land seeing the silhouette of a masted ship at sunset. “The community knew about this for many, many years. It’s hard for people to stop and actually listen … especially people from the South.”  http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/north/sammy-kogvik-hms-terror-franklin-1.3763653 Indigenous Australians have had stories about giant kangaroos and wombats for thousands of years, and European settlers just kinda assumed they were myths. Cut to more recently when evidence of megafauna was discovered, giant versions of Australian animals that died out 41 000 years ago. Similarly, scientists have been stumped about how native Palm trees got to a valley in the middle of Australia, and it wasn’t until a few years ago that someone did DNA testing and concluded that seeds had been carried there from the north around 30 000 years ago… aaand someone pointed out that Indigenous people have had stories about gods from the north carrying the seeds to a valley in the central desert. oh man let me tell you about Indigenous Australian myths - the framework they use (with multi-generational checking that’s unique on the planet, meaning there’s no drifting or mutation of the story, seriously they are hardcore about maintaining integrity) means that we literally have multiple first-hand accounts of life and the ecosystem before the end of the last ice age it’s literally the oldest accurate oral history of the world.   Now consider this: most people consider the start of recorded history to be with  the Sumerians and the Early Dynastic period of the Egyptians.  So around 3500 BCE, or five and a half thousand years agoThese highly accurate Aboriginal oral histories originate from twenty thousand years ago at least Ain’t it amazing what white people consider history and what they don’t? I always said disservice is done to oral traditions and myth when you take them literally. Ancient people were not stupid.
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Braids, Crying, and Empire: aethersea: teamstopfightingassholes feitanswife: stlin: ella-raene: systlin: beautifultoastdream: stlin: GUYS THEY FIGURED OUT THE ROMAN CONCRETE RECIPE THAT MAKES IT IMMUNE TO SEAWATER http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/technology/mystery-of 2000-year-old-roman-concrete-solved-by-scientists/ar BBDO5V I KNOW RIGHT?!??? I can't help but feel this is one of those things where we had actual documents saying "it was done with this and this", and some old rich white guys looked at it and went "oh mirth, the ancients were so silly They probably wrote this basic stuff down and the actual builders had Secret Techniques we need to Discover For a long time, archeologists didn't know how greek women did their high-piled braids and hair. There was a word that translated to "needle" in the descriptions. They went, "seems like we'll never know." Then a hairdresser took a fucking needle (big needle) and did the fucking thing you do with needles, which is sew - and by sewing the braids into place, she replicated ancient styles. The Egyptians had diagrams of construction steps for their pyramids. Archeologists went "oooh, ancient primitive people, how they do this?" LITERALLY MYTHBUSTERS OR THE OLD DISCOVERY CHANNEL or someone went "what if we did the thing the pictures said they did" AND GUESS FUCKING WHAT. GUESS FUCKING WHAT Also that thing with native Americans saying squirrels taught therm how to get sap for maple syrup, and colonizers going "that's a myth swea Sincerely, if the scientists had to do actual analysis like spectroscopy or whatever, kudos, and no flame. But swear to god, if all these years, we've had the recipes and there was just this fuckin institutional bias against just TRYING THE THING THEY SAID WOULD WORK, HELLFIRE AND DEMENTIA In this case, it was more they had roman writings saying what went into it but figured there was some secret because when they followed roman recipes it never turned out quite right. Because the sources left by Romans always just said to mix with water Because, if you were a Roman??? Obviouslyyou knew that you used seawater for cement. Duh. That's so obvious that they never really bothered specifying that you use seawater to mix it, because it wasn't necessary, everyone knew that. But then the empire fell, other empires rose and fell, time passed, and by the time we were trying to reconstruct the formula the 'mix the dry ingredients with seawater' trick had been forgotten, until chemical analysis finally figured it out again. It's sort of like the land of Punt, a ally of Egypt that's mentioned all the time, but we don't actually know where it was located. Because it isn't written down anywhere. Why would they write it down? It's Punt. Everyone knew where Punt was back then. It'd be ridiculous to waste the ink and space to specify where it was, every child knows about Punt. 3000 years later and we have no damned clue where it was, simply because at the time it was so blindingly obvious that it was never written down. So moral of storv is be specific I was thinking it was stupid that they didn't specify seawater but then I had the thought that we don't specify to use chicken eggs in baking because DUH so we write eggs 2000 years in the future people are going to be making scrambled fish eggs and crying be the ancient recipes make no sense I wonder what bits of todays common knowledge will be lost to time
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