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The Virgin Mathematician vs the Chad Statistician: THE VIRGIN MATHEMATICIAN THE CHAD STATISTICIAN Lonely because no one wants to collaborate with someone that researches homophobic algebraic structures that have no real world applications. Can work in industry with a Masters degree (90k starting) or PhD (100k starting) Always in demand for collaboration in biology, bioinformatics, psychology, medicine, informatics, business analystics, marketing, just to name a few. Needs a PhD to work as an adjunt for less pay than a graduate student teaching assistant. Gets grants from NSF, NIH, and many other agencies easily Publishes in the top journals in Wears same clothes as wore as a grad student because too poor to afford new clothes. other fields and in statistics. Has meth mouth due to amphetamine addiction while consuming copious amounts of coffee. Will never publish in PNAS, Nature, or Science; only in the Journal of the Autistic Mathematical Society Is not a wage slave adjunt because there is a strong demand for both his knowledge and skills in various industries Expert UNIX skills Can afford to wear nicer clothes due to high salary Only industry job available is "Sandwich Artist" at Subway. Has the sexiest job in the world and sexiest lady as his wife. Refers to everyone more successful than him (by any metric) a brainlet. Works out and can afford to eat right and take care of health due to employers great benefits package. Writes code in various languages: Python, R, SAS, C/C++, FORTRAN, Matlab, and is proficient in SQL. Can't write code and barely knows how to use a computer. Has Autism Always flies first class Can date pretty much any woman he wants. Men beg him to sleep with their wife. Knows many different areas of mathematics and uses them on a daily basis so he never forgets what he learned. Can only date nonpassable traps due to poor life choices. Uses food stamps Travels via Greyhound bus The Virgin Mathematician vs the Chad Statistician

The Virgin Mathematician vs the Chad Statistician

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Talk cheesy to me: T-Mobile 7:32 PM 58% Pizzah YOU SUPER LIKED PIZZAH ON 1/24/19 OH FUCK YA ZAH ZAH YA! You are 20 miles aways but I would walk 10 miles and I would walk 10 more. Just to be the Pizzah who walks a 20 miles to fall down at your door. Today 7:32 PM DAH DA DA DAHH Whats the dirtiest mouth you've ever been in Sent GIF ype a message Send T-Mobile LTE 7:45 PM 55% Pizzah Whats the dirtiest mouth you've ever been in West Virginian hill person meth mouth, it was a bad day for Pizzah That was not sexual at all I hated it Pizzah will change Pizzahs answer then. Once Pizzah belonged to a couple and was shared like a lady and a tramp, right before the kiss both touched tongues under my golden bottom. Pizzah's cheese sizzled that day Oh ya. Ya I like that. BRB gonna go masturbate with a string cheese stick Sent GIF Type a message Send T-Mobile LTE 8:38 PM 51% Pizzah answer then. Once Pizzah belonged to a couple and was shared like a lady and a tramp, right before the kiss both touched tongues under my golden bottom. Pizzah's cheese sizzled that day Oh ya. Ya I like that. BRB gonna go masturbate with a string cheese stick Slide it through pizzahs sauce and against pizzahs pulsating greasy pepperoni Put pineapple rings on my nippls Run your fingers across my crust Today 8:38 PM This is going swimmingly cheesy Sent GIF Type a message Send T-Mobile Wi-Fi 5:04 AM e 1 100% ), + Pizzah Just wait until you stick my crust into your mouth, cheese explosion https://media.giphy.com/medial OMYy8B700ahSOLao giphy.gif Yesterday 9:16 PM Oh talk cheesy to me Yesterday 10:12 PM This was a great beginning to our cheesy love affair I'm too drunk to be cheesewitty now but I will be responding soon my sweet greasy love. You give me the meat sweats Sent Pizzah is looking forward to it. I'm rising just thinking about it. GIF Type a message Send Talk cheesy to me
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This is a daily occurrence for her, good ole country beef: Faraha 55 mins. u keep fucking with me if uwant too im make sure u Savanna gonna be put too sleep before yo time so whoever see this or see that bitch tell her im here waiting ain't gonna move im drag your meth mouth all the way down so u better call your mama and daddy too buried yo assu fucking with the wrong babymama today Like Comment A Share Faraha and 4 others Eliott Farm she still talking smmth Like Reply 54 mins Faraha Yes Eliot calling my phone fam she got me fuck up playing with the wrong one Like Reply O1 51 mins Eliott You need to go ahead 8 beat her ass like she stole something Like Reply O1.49 mins Dollie Man gone slide tha trick she doing to much Like Reply 1.46 mins Eliott Right Dol She been harassing my fam Fara or weeks now Like Reply -O1.44 mins Dollie Ok cause ain't no bitch or nigga gone keep coming at me and not get popped Like Reply 37 mins Faraha l she got me fuck all the way up Like Reply .O 1.34 mins ell ha gone catch her round Doll Like Reply 34 mins Dollie U bet not be fighting over a nigga. Fuck a nigga but respect goes along way frfr Like Reply O1-33 mins Dollie fr fr that hoe doing too much Faraha Like Reply 43 mins Tee Do what u gotta do Like Reply 42 mins Tee Wya? Like Reply 42 mins Farah im at the crib waiting on this hoe Like Reply 40 mins NOT Gon do shit ul Farahan Like Reply 38 mins Jeff Slide that meth mouth hoe sis Like Reply 37 mins Faraha Luul that hoe keep coming for me Like Reply .37 mins I will Jeff Faraha bro she want that ass beat today Like Reply 36 mins Luu Gul I wanna see this shit record it Like Reply 01.33 mins Tee U n dallas? Or here Like Reply 32 mins Tee Call me finna inbox u Like Reply 32 mins Luu Savanna Like Reply 30 mins Eric Cuz slap fire from dat Bitch Like Reply 25 mins Someone is typing a comment... This is a daily occurrence for her, good ole country beef
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Found this in the comedy section of a bookstore in Australia: PARODY cited Cabinet Members You're Gonna Totally Love! Making America More Like Me Loser Countries Can Bomb the T out of!! President Bines My The Assent to Power "It's Just Busin THERE CAME THE DAY, as a young man, when I felt myself growing stronger, gaining power a getting the first inkling that I could be m world. I read everything I could understand my about the great men of history, the men who changed everything. They all had a few ke in common: They were pure of heart, the were clear of vision, and they knew that they need be surrounded by the right people, to times even if some they would have to eliminate a few lesser individuals along the way. I felt myself growing stronger, gaining power and getting the first inkling that I could be master of my world. Other Stuff Countries with two or more strikes against them At the first morning briefing with the President following the election discussed the day's schedule and the s policy initiatives that I will atte to interpret and somehow translate into cogent press releases. On this occasion however, in an effort to be, in his words, "more intimate with my people, President Elect Trump made me release his thoughts of the day verbatim. White House Press Secretary Salinger IV think they'd learn something in a couple of hundred Scotland years. And h a bunch of ng in here. There hasn't been a damn thin eting Here's the d Klan members in whit guys dressed up like Klu Klucks happening on this disaster of an and for as long as sheets with black dough s on their heads. They don y back to that Me all the anybody can remember ook alike, so how do you say a damn thing and they a nce my mother Gibson movie with the blue faces. B know who to impress? But when it comes time to buy was Scottish and Icare deeply for these poor people, I their four-wheel-drive Cadillacs and their mile-long skirts and the fucking thought. "Let's lose the wool e launchers, who do they come yachts with m bagpipes, put big boy pants on them and bring them into crawling to? The U.S. of fucking A. The only reason ay to do that was the 21st century." Now the obvious these guys are worth sparing is because they snap up o build the finest golf course in history with a very, very 75-million-dollar penthouses as fast as I can build them nice shop where they could sell their whiskey. So I poke to some authorities on whiskey and golf, and London, Britain very one of them agreed that my plan would literally How do you expect anybody to take you seriously when ave the nation and create 41,000 jobs. Next, I put a the whole country looks like it has meth-mouth? Also er deal together to buy a mile of mud along the coas those hair hats they wear in court (and they talk about my build the Trump International Hebrides (See? I know hair?) make all their po cians and lawyers look like geography and stuff!) Upmarket Golf Course & they're in a remake of Mi y on the Bounty. But all tha rit Shoppe. And what do they do? They shun me, a ke mutton. And I also don aside, I don ke the fac ve son. They put up giant windmills within the view that there are more Muslims in London than soldiers in y clubhouse and wrecked the whole thing. Two he British Army-an army, by the way, that still ha s and a foul tip wooden wheels on their tanks and soldiers tha ia e dance when you say "ha that dopey cockeyed threat of banning me from showing up over one, who's gonna trust a place where the women here was squashed when I told them I'd send my round wrapped up like burn victims? And I don d. It scuffs up my Trump Dealmaster llama he best tooth man in the world, according to an dentis hoes. The whole place is irritating. I also don o straighten out those disasters they n-house po atching camels spitting on tourists he city and whole country are on s disgusting speak through. S s place has been around since the Bible-you'd probation for the foreseeable future pTIME headed over, no bomb. It's this kind of thinking by a cost-conscious leader that separates me France going for it that I can s in France has one thing seams, like The women wear real stockings with very, ver Casablanca. However, I did notice a lot of from all previous Presidents in American history Mexico pain-in-the-asshola mess Here's the whole Mexican, long, very black leg hair visible through those wrapped up in a burrito that's easy for anyone to stockings, and when you combine that with the rip armpits in the summer, it's easy to see why they invented perfume and cheese. I made a killing from me and the whole place is as flat as a quesadilla. two More shorting deodorant last year. The other thing bringing very smart. First, I'm gonna stop up that flushing to called the border with the most beautiful wall since them down is that the men are extremely tiny. A French double extra-large men's shirt would be tight on a China or that crying one in Israel. This wall will be hree-year-old. The wine's OK, but I make way better wine at Chateau Neuf de Trump in Atlantic City. A we really have to do here is stop the flow of Jerry way to launder their cash, and I won Lewis DVDs-that'll be punishment enough them a le the construction plans oo closely for tunnels in Russia bombing Here's why we don't have to worry about same amount of drugs comin he Rooskies. If the Russians ever get pissed-or drunk guys on Wall Street we need them n and l don't have enough-to e launch button, I'll tell you exactly What will happen: A six-foot-long cardboard "missile land powered by a Roman candle w ravel 150 feet and o n a glass of vodka. The e whole country will go War's no rapists! A total win hagina Bang Bang in North deserving targe strike, get hammered and sickled, and pass out TrumpTIME HUMOR & PARODY Well, now you've gone and done it, America. You've elected Donald K Trump President and the US willnever again be the same! Follow President-Elect Trump on his historic, world altering journey from the cradle to The Donald to the Oval Office The problem for all of us is that he's got plans, lots of them, and the list reads like a bad acid trip Pardoning, and nominating, Bernie Madoff for Secretary of the Treasury "Trumpifying" the Constitution Repainting the White House using 570 gallons of "Trump Highest-Gloss Aryan-Blond Exterior" Making real estate deals in Syria with pal Vladimir Putin Seizing control of one of America's great news publications The list goes on and on In this "inaugural" (and whollyfictitious issue of TrumpTI Magazine President-Elect Trump promises to re-make America in his own image Don't like it? Move to Canada, losers! This book is a parody and has not been prepared, annround Found this in the comedy section of a bookstore in Australia
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