Boning
Boning

Boning

The
The

The

That
That

That

That Was Fast
That Was Fast

That Was Fast

squirrels
 squirrels

squirrels

vile
vile

vile

feelings
feelings

feelings

oed
oed

oed

ever
ever

ever

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except

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Af, Asian, and Aww: Anonymous 04/23/18 (Mon)22:57:12 No.766778676 Hey /b/romosexuals, story time > Be me, 17 year old 7/10 male Have an objectively 6, subjectively 8/10 asian gf who loves me 182 KB JPG Major trust issues from a relationship that went bad a while ago relationship friends since 13 Clingy af, probably still a result of that last We've known each other since we were 12, been Tell her I love her evervdav Despite her always replying that she loves me to, start doubting that Gf tells me after a lot of thinking, she's asexual Ohshitlmaydieavirgin Suddenly text my ex spontaneously, find out she's single Lie and say I'm single She asks to meet up for a coffee at Tims (I'm a Leaf) > I decide to go because I'm pissed at my gf Continue? Alright then go to the meet up with ex s my ex is just as beautiful as ever. She has shorter hair and small tits but thats sorta my thing She got me a coffee alread >It was the same type of coffee I drank when was with her on our first date (Double double) >She smiles, it looks cute on her > I ask her whats up, and she mentions my clearly visible erection I sat down faster than I lost my erection s We make small talk for a bit, we instantly have a spark > I havent felt this spark for a few years Eventually she says what both of us have been thinking "We should get back together." Idk what to say. Can't tell her I lied about being single at this point, but I also like her a lot more than my gf > Decide to keep it going "Sure, but I don't have a lot of free time with work. > I just lost my job > I give her the address to the apartment I'm in, which I don't actually pay for. My best bud does Invite her over one time She says "Why not tonight?" My gf hasn't text me and doesnt have a key, and my buddy is out of townm Sure, what could go wrong? Almost done the story /b/ois, cont.? > Take her back to the apartment > Time is a bit late. Ask her what she wants to do She immediately gives me a smile that could only mean one of two things, sex or something sexual > Before I can say anything she notices a picture have of me and my girlfriend on top of the shelf >"Who's this?" > I panic > My sister >She gets confused. My sister is asian? > "You never told me you had a sister, anon, andI met your family > Ohshit.jpg > I make up a story on the spot about my parents splitting and my dad remarrying. She's my stepsister. We broke up over a year ago. My parents fought once in front of her. Not too far fetched "Aww, anon. I'm so sorry." She says, basically jumping into my arms after putting the photo down Haven't even blown a load in at least a week >Boner is visible >She goes for it. I had forgotten that one of the main reasons we broke up was her sex drive and mine not matching up >Suddenly remember second was that she was a crazy bitch towards me sometimes > I just go with it and hope that I wont remember this in a month Best sex I ever had. (I bagged up tho. No worries sWe fall asleep in eachothers arms on my roommates bed crazv bitch towards me sometimes >I just go with it and hope that I wont remember this in a month Best sex I ever had. (I bagged up tho. No worries s We fall asleep in eachothers arms on my roommates bed Wake up to a banging on the door Groggily get up to find my ex making breakfast and my best friends gf at the door Wtf I yell through the door at her "What do you want?" (My best bud) left something and needed her to bring it to him > I open the door cautiously She sees my ex, and me half naked. She ofo knows about my af She asks to talk to me in private Takes me to the bedroom, locks the door and quietly asks me "Are you cheating or did you break I don't lie to her >She gets frustrated with me and leaves without my buds thing he needed "What was that?" My ex asks Now T don't remember exactly what I said at this point because I was scared shitless. My buds gf was for sure gonna tell mine and now things were gonna tumble down Cont? > "What was that anon?" >Ex js getting visibly annoyed and worried > She looks back at the photo of me and my "sister I look down at the floor My ex suddenly pieces something together right then and there >"ls she vour girlfriend?" > I fucking crumble and admit everything >She's surprisingly understanding, but just as understandably upset > ''You should call her No >"I need you to do this for me" I do > I explain the whole thing to her, sparing the sexual details > She sounds pretty heartbroken I try to console her but it doesnt work as well as l would have hoped She hangs up on me I'm in a puddle of tears sitting next to the first girl | ever loved > She hugs me awkwardly one last time > "I need one more thing from you > I look at her and wipe away some tears. "What?" > She smiles at me warmly and says "I need about tree fiddy I suddenly realised what I should have long ago My ex was about 8 stories tall and was a crustacean from the paleozoic era The god damn loch ness monster had tricked me again Anon is conflicted

Anon is conflicted

Energy, Fuck You, and Fucking: O 63% 08:42 charmcitywire.com I'm All In On This Guy Selling Energy Drinks Filled With Crystal Meth And Gasoline Out Of His Tree Fort Humor, News_May 6, 2015 at 2:24 pm by Zach ENERO DRINK NERGY Boone County Sheriff's Office 72-year-old Jasper June, of Boone County, West Virginia was arrested on charges of making and selling his homemade energy drinks containing meth out of his tree fort. (A fucking tree fort, how great is this guy)? When police showed up, they found June wearing an adult diaper and browsing through an Arabic porno magazine. Police tested 25 00 AT&T 08:43 o 63%! charmcitywire.com bottles of his energy drink, each of which contained meth. Police discovered June's practice after several high school girls had to be hospitalized for internal bleeding after consuming the drinks. This is what June had to say about the drinks: They're just energy drinks like Rockstar or Monster. It's not meth in there. It's just lemonade, caffeine, sugar and a couple drops of gasoline. I swear to God I didn't put meth in there." He then back tracked and went with this version: "Okay,Iput just a little meth in there to get them addicted and keep customers coming back. I know they'll all testify against me so let me make something else clear: I pissed in every bottle." Well if there's one thing we know, it's that these energy drinks are gonna work. Nothing will get you jacked up like a little meth, gasoline, and human urine. Bottom line is when you buy a product, you 08:43 O 63% charmcitywire.com want it to work. And if these little high school bitches want to run and be narks after purchasing a quality working energy drink for the bargain price of only 20 bucks, then I have no words. Plus, if you're them, and you see this guy, selling this drink, and you still buy it, that's on you. I just love everything about Jasper June and his retail business. He read pornos in a foreign language while wearing his diaper, and when police ask about his product, he is adamant that there Is no meth in there, only gasoline. And then whern forced to confess, he throws a big fuck you in there and tells everyone these girls drank his piss too lcing on the cake. PS- How perfect is this guy's name and where he's from? Jasper June from Boone County, West Virginia selling meth out of his tree fort Follow @zachhagerman Via Share: Tweet Like 551 Author: Zach Tree Fort Piss and Meth Energy Drinks for 20.00. Takers?

Tree Fort Piss and Meth Energy Drinks for 20.00. Takers?