🔥 Popular | Latest

Save
Average Saturday morning with and without kidsomg-humor.tumblr.com: AN AVERAGE SATURDAY MORNING: WITH KIDS VS. WITHOUT KIDS WITHOUT KIDS WITH KIDS TIME Time to get up! Someone peed through his diaper and now your bed is covered in urine. 6:00 You won't be getting up for 5 more hours. You change a diaper and try to get the kid to sleep a little longer but now the he's yelling zoo animals and doing flips on the bed. You're up. 6:30 Still asleep. You made some breakfast for your child, but today he decided he hates eggs. He's saying he wants "scrims" but you don't know what that means. He won't Your pillow got a little warm so you turn it over and go back to sleep. 7:00 explain and just keeps yelling "scrims" louder and louder. You've now watched the same episode of Spongebob four times. One time you tried to change it over to the news and your kid shoved a spoon in the dog's ear. Tranquil visions dance in your head as the sweet embrace of slumber engulfs your resting body. 8:00 You attempt to take a shower but your kid keeps throwing can openers into the tub. You weren't aware that you had multiple can openers. An angel comes down and gently kisses your forehead. Sleep well, sweet prince. 8:30 You walk upstairs to your room, but didn't realize your kid was using the stairs as a stunt zone for Hot Wheels and you slip on one and nearly die as you tumble back down to the first floor. A hummingbird perches itself outside your window and sings a sweet lullaby. He blows you a kiss and soars away. 9:00 You try to finally go to the bathroom, but forgot to lock the door so now your kid is crying because you won't let him dump sand in your lap. He dumps it on the dog instead. The sand was actually used cat litter. You wake briefly to adjust your sleep number. (You bought an adjustable bed with all the disposable income you have from not having a kid.) 9:30 You hear laughter, which is almost more terrifying than crying. You walk in the living room to see your kid making snow angels in glue. There's no way you're getting your deposit back with a giant glue angel in the middle of the carpet. Still sleeping soundly, like a puppy in front of a crackling fireplace. 10:00 You stir a little and check your texts. Your friend wants to go to brunch later. That sounds nice. 30 more minutes of Your kid doses off and you try to catch up on your favorite show. Unfortunately, six minutes into it there's a dramatic moment where the music builds and your kid is now wide-awake. (Screw you, Danny Elfman.) 10:30 and you'll get ready for that. Maybe go to mall later or ride go-karts. Whatever. You get everyone loaded into the car to go to the zoo, even though it's 90 degrees and so humid taxidermy is coming back to life. Your kid yells a racial slur he heard in a movie. Out of all the words he's heard, that's the only one that stuck. You wake up feeling refreshed and beautiful. You know what? It's Saturday. Let's just lie in the bed a while and watch a movie. 11:00 МЕМЕРIХ.СOм FUNNY STUFF ON MEMEPIX.COM Average Saturday morning with and without kidsomg-humor.tumblr.com

Average Saturday morning with and without kidsomg-humor.tumblr.com

Save