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17 years
 17 years

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Bodies , Chipotle, and Girl Scouts: Knuckle Blaster Stun Gun 950,000 Volt by HomeAlarmsAndPersonalSecuritySystems (1 customer review)Like (34) Price: $48.50 In Stock. Ships from and sold by Body-n-Home Only 1 left in stock--order soon. 15 new from $36.51 1used from $60.00 xtto Amazing!, May 14, 2012 By notactuallysteve See all my reviews This review is from: Knuckle Blaster Stun Gun 950,000 Volt I purchased this after I was confronted by some punks demanding that I hand over my money. I'm a relatively fit guy, but I was no match for them. That is when I realized that I need to protect myself. The day after I bought this product I went to the very same Wal-Mart parking lot when I was first mugged. I approached the group of hooligans standing outside the entrance, concealing my secret weapon I cooly asked "Remember me?". One of them looked up and said, "Have you come back to buy some Samoas or Thin Mints? My Girl Scout Troop needs to raise more money!" I replied with "you're not taking my money this time". "But sir, they're delicious!", she said I whipped out my Knuckle Blaster Stun Gun hand and shouted "WRONG MOVE B***! The five girl scouts ran away screaming As I pounded my chest in victory, I accidentally activated the stun gun and applied 950,000 Volts to my right nipple. I woke up 4 hours later to the sound of heavy footsteps. Those Girl Scouts had brought their fathers. But I was ready. I lunged at the largest one with a cry of "RAGGLE FRAGGLE!!!" and hit him in the stomach. He hit the ground harder than a fat kid on a jungle gym As the others began to circle around me, I changed techniques. Holding both of my hands in tight fists, I rased my arms to my sides and initiated the helicopter spin. They all backed off, fearing my impressive RPM. After a while I started getting dizzy, and one of the fathers decided to try to tackle me. As he ran to me stood there, dizzy and queasy; time was going real slow. Then I remembered. I had eaten lunch at Chipotle and the burrito was fighting its way back up my stomach I tuned toward my enemy and launched a stream of projectile vomit at him, knocking him to the ground. Then I started singing "Let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the.... FLOOOOORRR!!!!" I grabbed my Knuckle Blasher Stun Gun and shoved it into my mouth, running headfirst at my foes, electrocuting them with my teeth. Eventually they were all unconscious, and I walked home victorious <p>Still only 4/5 stars? via /r/memes <a href="https://ift.tt/2vCxNs3">https://ift.tt/2vCxNs3</a></p>

Still only 4/5 stars? via /r/memes https://ift.tt/2vCxNs3

Bless Up, Guacamole, and Life: New pupper meets old soul. Pic: reddit u/Scotty367 @DrSmashlove On the path to being grown and sexy all women will go thru a cheese, cracker, grape and apricot platter phase. I see u, baby girl. Grown. Mature. Sophisticated. Appetizer looking like a still life painting. Put out some red wine, bam. Now u a grown and sexy hostess. U hit some bumps on the way here but u here now. U made it. U serving an appetizer that looks aesthetically wondrous. However there is one, small problem. Just one. U ready? NOBODY WANT CRACKERS AND CHEESE BRUV, YUCK LMAO. Let me upgrade u. U wanna serve something everyone will rave about? U wanna serve something people will love with all they heart? U wanna be the Belle of the MF Ball? HUMMUS AND GUACAMOLE. Do not over complicate this. Do not get creative. Do not ruin a perfect thing. Hummus...and guac. In two separate bowls. In between? Them thin crispy salty tortilla chips and if u really canโ€™t fight the urge to be fancy, some veggies to dip. Thatโ€™s it. โ€œWow the Camembert in that cheese, cracker, grape and apricot platter was absolutely delectableโ€ - no human being, ever. โ€œOMG I COULD BATHE IN GUAC. AND HUMMUS. LIKE LITERALLY BATHE ME IN A VAT OF GUAC AND HUMMUS AND RUB IT ON MY CHEST AND SHAMPOO MY HAIR WITH IT LOL DAMN ITโ€™S GONE.....OMG AMANDA BROUGHT OUT MORE SORRY BRB โ˜บ๏ธ.โ€ - everyone. Guac and hummus. U could be the worst cook ever - donโ€™t een matter - all the guests already gon be full off of guac. And hummus ๐Ÿค—. Aight? I just upgraded u. When u host the best holiday party ever next week and nobody can een explain why and they just speechless like โ€œAMANDA OMG THIS PARTY WAS AMAZING U R MARTHA STEWART LOLโ€ just do me one favor. Just one. Say โ€œsmashy taught meโ€ BLESS UP ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

On the path to being grown and sexy all women will go thru a cheese, cracker, grape and apricot platter phase. I see u, baby girl. Grown. Ma...

Pop, Rap, and Traffic: When you rap the fastest verse in a song without messing up or taking a breath *clears throat* Let's goo Cause I'm feeling like Iโ€™m running And I'm feeling like I gotta get away, get away, get away Better know that I don't and I won't ever stop โ€˜Cause you know I gotta win everyday-day See, they really really wanna pop me Just know that you will never flop me And I know that I can be a little cocky You ain't never gonna stop me Everytime I come, a nigga gotta set it Then I gotta go, and then I gotta get it Then I gotta blow, and then I gotta show that Any little thing that nigga think that he be doing โ€˜Cause it doesn't matter, โ€˜cause I'm gonna da-da-da-da Then I'm gonna murder everything and anything A ba-da-boom, a ba-da-bing, I gotta do a lotta things That make it clearer to a couple niggas That I always win and then I gotta get it again And again, and then again And I be doing it to death And now I move a little foul, a nigga better call a ref And everybody know my style And niggas know that I'm the best When it come to doing this and I be bangin' on my chest And I bang in the East and I'm bangin' in the West And I come to give you more and I will never give you less You will hear it in the street or you could read it in the press Do you really wanna know what's next? (Let's go!) See the way we on and then we all up in the race And you know we gotta go Don't try to keep up with the pace And we strugglin' and hustlin' and sendin' in and gettin' in And we always gotta do it, take it to another place Gotta taste it, and I gotta grab it And I gotta cut all through this traffic Just to be at the top of the throne, better know I gotta have it.. *drops mic*

*clears throat* Let's goo Cause I'm feeling like Iโ€™m running And I'm feeling like I gotta get away, get away, get away Better know that I do...