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Apparently, Ass, and Crying: Anonymous 08/16/16(Tue)12:24:09 No.699763279 be fat >go to /fit/ and find a solution >main problem is i eat like a dumpster apparently things with loads of fiber is going to 211 KB JPG save my filthy soul "Fiber is digested slowly, leaving you feeling full longer, and helps with digestion" go out and buy two boxes of fiber-heavy breakfast bars the first day i have fiber bars for breakfast, lunch and a lot of snacks i dont shit that day next day i fiber myself up even more i dont shit that day either >fiber jesus is surely working his magic in my colon can feel the pounds dropping off because im not very hungry anymore i dont shit the third day >i dont shit the fourth day thefinaldaydawns.mp3 si have my morning coffee and feel my insides rumble in that familiar way the second i hit the toilet the weirdest fart in the world exits me it's whistling just a thin, continuous airstream of fart that smells like grandpapas coffin >no sound other than the whistling hiss suddenly stops the hole is plugged SOS >this shit is so solid it feels like i'm giving anal birth to Dwayne "The rock" Johnson >hang on to the shower curtain and pray the rock is shot out of my asshole at mach speed >my entire ass is covered in toilet water >now the fun begins a fart that could do more damage to thee ozone layer than aerosol ever did is shooting shit bullets out of me solid and prefectly round nuggets the smell is killing me blacking out the thuds of nuggets shooting around the bowl propelled by my insane fiber flatulence is giving me war flashbacks iwasntevenin'nam.jpeg my guts are yelling in german sounds like a moose in heat lives in my belly most of the shit isn't even digested at this point just forced out by all the gas that had been building up to my throat after an hour it finally seems to be over sim shivering and crying both legs collapse as i try to stand up >my stomach hitting the bathroom tiles forces one last trumpet gondorcallsforaid.rar shakily wipe my ass completely clean feniczoroark: larjmarge: itsperegrine: the-mighty-birdy: carolina-viking: th3laugh1ngt0mat0: carolina-viking: Holy fucking shit I CANT BREATHE I HAVE TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE Pretty sure this has the most notes of any of my posts gondorcallsforaid.rar I’m in a ball on my bed with tears streaming down my face If I have to read this, so do you. This is funnier than it should be Omfg
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Bad, Doctor, and Funny: "We all know you are faking being sick to avoid the class" Funny Popcorn This happened to me while i was in elementary school. Our mrs. math teacher really hated my guts for no reason really. She would always find an axcuse to lower my grades or blame me for something i didn't do. I was a pretty sick kid that had bad astma, dermatitis and was sickish in general. Thinking back, I think her hating me had a lot to do with that, as she felt i had "special treatment and privileges" One day we were doing a test and i started feeling very bad. It came to the point of really needing to puke but i held it in because i knew she wouldn't believe me. Theni started shaking and kinda puked a bit in my mouth so i stood up and started to go towards the toilet (we had a rule that anybody who has to go to the toilet can do so without asking) She ofcourse stopped me and told me to sit back down. I tried explaining but she wouldn't have it. One girl stood up to me and said something like "he is really pale and shaking and sweating, i think he needs to go home". That caused the teacher to go on a 5 minute rant how i'm a spoiled liar who didn't study for the test and now i'm trying to fool everybody and that i'm taking away their precious test time and they should hate me for that" I said i really need to puke and she just scoffed saying "You ain't going anywhere with your lies so you might as well do your imaginary puking here'". Yeah... You can guess what happened next. Not sure if this is compliance because i couldn't hold it in anymore anyway but i was so happy while doing it. First i puked a bit trough my arm and then it all went out. Across her desk (grading book was ruined) and all over the floor. She tried to blame me saying that i "threw up by force" but the principle didn't buy it after the doctor examined me. Nothing special happened to her but she never bothered me again. Everyone knows “that kid” who was sick in class but nobody knows “that teacher” who continues to harass a kid after they’ve thrown up all over the classroom

Everyone knows “that kid” who was sick in class but nobody knows “that teacher” who continues to harass a kid after they’ve thrown up all ov...

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Cars, Facebook, and Saw: February 20 at 12:01pm Okay well since people saving stuff about me posting stuff on my Facebook 'm gonna tell what happen. I was merging onto the interstate and it was around 4 and 5 o'clock traffic well I look at the lady behind me to make sure if it was okay for me to go cause I wasn't gonna take it cause I know she been sitting there for a little bit well she throws her hands up so I'm amusing that she letting me go so I get in front of her, well when traffic starts to die down she gets over and starts cussing me out and flicking me off, and having her body out the window. Well I really didn't care so I was Ignoring her causel thought she was childish. Well then I get over to another lane she get over then I get into the slow lane she gets in it then I'm in it for a little bit well she starts running me off the road she hit my car and that when I said I need to get off the interstate she gonna cause a wreck well I get off at the next exit and l kinda knew where I was so I get ready to turn in left turning lane and I look back make sure know cars were coming and she speeds right in front of me before I could turn and turn her car to the side so I couldn't see her li scene plate number cause I was gonna get it and she was blocking me so l couldn't turn so l just put my car in reverse and just went straight well she gets right behind me again and then gets on the other side of me and we made eye contact with each other and then I look back to see if the light was green thenl look again to see if she was there and she has a gun up to my face and makes pow motion and then I put my car in reverse and sped and then she gets behind me again and I guess a truck driver saw what happen and got behind me and I guess she thought I turn cause she turn then I turn and then he turn. If it wasn't for that truck driver and my gut then I know I wouldn't be here today. Share 10 memehumor: My brain hurts after reading this.

memehumor: My brain hurts after reading this.

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Anime, Tumblr, and Blog: aaartypants: I busted my gut trying to emulate kawaii anime style and by JOVE I THINK I’VE GOT IT. 

aaartypants: I busted my gut trying to emulate kawaii anime style and by JOVE I THINK I’VE GOT IT. 

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