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Bless Up, Boo, and Cheetos: Walter running for his daily swim One of my followers commented: “why do dog paws smell like Fritos? I still love them 😊.” See this raise a very important issue about women and that is, if she love u, she gon find nasty things endearing, whereas if she don’t fvck with u no more, she gon find nasty things HELLA NASTY. Case in point... 1) Fritos that smell like Fritos = yummy 😂. Don’t let nobody tell u different. When u was a kid and u seen them little bags with the yellow and maroon package boy it was on like all type of donkey kong. Deerishis. (2) Dog paws that smell like Fritos = bueno! C’mon now if a dog stink a lil bit that’s expected. He a animal. He ain always gon smell like rosebuds. (3) Humans that smell like Fritos = IT DEPEND 😂. Bruv u give a girl that soul-snatching, Nani wall chakra realigning, organ rearranging deep Pipington? Where the stomach end up where a lung should be and her liver trade places with her kidney bruv? Then it don’t matter no more. U could smell like Fritos. Cheetos. Bruv u could smell like a 17 lb slab of aged Camembert cheese on it, it don’t matter. She gon be texting her friend the next day (with a pack of iced peas on her Nani because she can’t move 😊) talmbout “GURRRRRL. WHY THIS MAN TAKE HIS DRAWLS OFF LAST NIGHT AND THE WHOLE ROOM SMELL LIKE FRITOS 😂 lmaooo 😂 Nah but he coming over again tonight doe 😆 we in the middle of a Seinfeld marathon. We bout to get to the episode where Costanza rock the big a$$ down coat u remember that one? Anyway girl lemme holla at u AYE like my last pic if u don’t mind bye boo!” 😂 But let that lil situationship end bruv? Oh now he ain’t cute at all. “GIRL I AM DONE WITH THAT MAN. CAN’T RETURN A TEXT. DON’T CLIP HIS FINGERNAILS. STANKY SMELLIN A$$, I AM DONE.” But her friend ain’t getting them texts. Nope. Because her ‘friend’ is at Mr. Frito’s crib, putting toilet paper around the toilet bowl so she can pee bc his place filthy 😂. But see that’s when she knew the pipe game was beyond exquisite bc nobody would find frito smell cute unless dude was going Ham and Bananington on the Nani so she went to see for herself and now she supporting dude and paying his cell phone bill 😊. Y’all be safe now! Bless up 😂😂😂
Af, Amazon, and Anaconda: His freedom ride home, he realized he was being adopted. He also tried to steal my cheeseburger @DrSmashlove Reddit u/3riny3s A few weeks ago I hyped up a anti perspirant called Tom’s North Woods. It smells absolutely wonderful and works great. HOWEVER. It got aluminum in it 😖. Bro!! How u gon be a natural product and u got aluminum! I read the packaging closely and it said “naturally sourced aluminum.” FOH 😂. “We naturally select our poisonous metallic substances from the finest natural mines.” Aluminum is an ELEMENT. It’s pure. There is no difference between aluminum from recycled pepsi cans and aluminum from a mine. I was mad AF 😤. So I went back on my quest to find something natural. Well lo and behold Tom’s makes natural deodorant that’s called “wild lavender”. And lemme tell u - it smell pleasant asf! Like basically u slather it on and u sniff ya underarm and u magically transported to the soap aisle of Whole Food and a pleasant hipster girl with ear spacers, short hair, and a name tag that say “RAIN” smile at u 😍 (side note: was she born ‘Rain’? Or is her name Mandy but she adopted the name ‘Rain’ after attending burning man and dropping acid once? Maybe her Nani make it ‘Rain’? 😍 lmao I’m wild lemme stop 😂.) Caveat: if u work out hard AF like me, it will wear off a lil bit. Like for a 100 degree hot summertime Chi day u might could go with the Tom’s north woods aluminum joint. It will give u cancer-memory loss but at least u smell spicy 😂. Also and I done said this before: I shave my public hair which is a tradition among people of my faith. I know some of u women like “ew - DEALBREAKER!” WELL FU— just kidding! Baby girl that’s fair! 😂 I accept our incompatibility and hope u find the hairy Chewbacca lookin a$$ Man of ya dreams! 😍 Now then u men out here at the gym with the grapefruit sized amazon rainforest patch of stinky-ass underarm hair that drip white liquid on the elliptical, the ‘wild lavender’ may not cut it 😂. Y’all got that ‘built in’ stincc u probably need Mitchum. But if u down with that razor life it will give u plenty of protection against Le Stincc. May all of u live blessed and chemical free lives bless up 😍😂

A few weeks ago I hyped up a anti perspirant called Tom’s North Woods. It smells absolutely wonderful and works great. HOWEVER. It got alumi...

Bad, Chill, and Drunk: this is my good boy HendriX. eDiSmahlove Pic: reddit u/bigfatpup rs Shout to the cheeto man I had him all wrong. I really did. He is in fact a brilliant leader, lemme splain u why. The average starting teach salary in this country is $36,141. For that amount per year she gotta come into work at a hella absurdly early hour like 5:50 am for no reason other than schools are still tied to the antiquated agrarian system where people awoke at sun up to take they kids to school and tend the crops. She gotta deal with all type of coffee breath from fellow coworkers. She gotta deal with Todd the kindygarten teacher with the terrible bicep tattoo and outdated nerd glasses like not the new joints that’s sleek but like the Randy Jackson joints who hit on every, single female teacher. She gotta deal with bad a$$ misbehaving kids. Angry helicopter parents. By the time Friday come around she so exhausted, so beat, so withered that the only thing she got energy for is to crawl home, pop that bottle of wine, pack that bowl, and text smash like “long week zaddy come beat the brakes off this lil Nani lol wyd tho don’t say Work nobody works on Friday 😤”. Ok Kristine, Mandy and Samantha chill Imma get to all of u sequentially in order LOL JUST KIDDING CHILL PEOPLE DAMN. Anyway in addition to all this stress and heartache for $36k-year the cheeto wanna give these poor young tings firearms and bulletproof vests to confront deranged murderers when they go on shooting rampages at schools. Now lemme get this straight. Video footage shows that the trained, armed cop that came to the school in Boca Raton was too scared to enter the school because this kid was firing extended clips off a AR-15. But Mandy, on her fourth cup of coffee because she still low key wine drunk on a Thursday morning bc she polished a bottle off the night before bc she couldn’t wait till Friday ... MANDY ... all 5 foot 1 of her ... is expected to strap a gun to her leg and do the work a trained cop won’t do and engage a killer brandishing an army rifle. Cheeto, I had u underestimated my dude! U are indeed a wondrous repository of good ideas and good leadership - I had u wrong! My deepest apologies. Nothing but respect for my president 🇺🇸😂😂😂

Shout to the cheeto man I had him all wrong. I really did. He is in fact a brilliant leader, lemme splain u why. The average starting teach ...

Bless Up, Cars, and Driving: Was trying to sneak a photo when this pretty girl suddenly turned around and flashed me this big smile @DrSmashlove Reddit u/erisedwild So yesterday bruv I was driving and my windshield wiper fluid ran out. Bro I done told y’all before, I don’t know about cars. I’m good at a few very specific things. Being handy ain’t one of them. So after some momentary panic, I hit the market and buy some wiper fluid. Then I consulted my rock. My confidante. My soulmate: Google 😍. First I had to know where’s the button in my car to pop the hood. Googled 🤗. Then I had to figure out where is that stick that props up the hood! Googled 😁. Finally, “where do I put wiper fluid”. Googled that but this time the google assistant wanna pop up like “Look for the large plastic cap in the lower left hand corner. Also, our algorithm indicates that You Might Like: ‘how to freshen your Nani naturally with Organic Lavender 🌷’, ‘Kylie’s New Perfectly Pregnant Eye Shadow - Reviews and On-Skin Test!’ and ‘Cosmopolitan: 17 Ways to Blow his Mind in Bed!’” And by then I’m like “U KNOW WHAT GOOGLE ENUF OF U TODAY GOODBYE ASF 😂”. And that got me thinking 🤔. What happened before Google? In the 1980s, what if I pulled over and didn’t know how to fill my wiper fluid? Simple. I’d pull over. I’d fiddle with my hood for 45 minutes while my girl stay in the car, worried for her life. Then a nice redneck man would pull over in a pickup... [to continue the story y’all gotta chune in to Part 2, bless up! 😂😂😂]

So yesterday bruv I was driving and my windshield wiper fluid ran out. Bro I done told y’all before, I don’t know about cars. I’m good at a ...

Bad, Bless Up, and Bodies : Invest in tennis balls, they have a high return rate @DrSmashlove Reddit ulyerawizzardarry Ladies cot dammit if ya man take a dive down under and hit ya Nani with that impeccable TungWerk ®️ make a lil eye contact. U feel me? Look him in the eye while he working, he dutiful. It ain’t gotta be a staring contest just that lil belly crunchie where u lean up for a sec with that drooly grin 🤤 before laying back down and clutching ya own bresstassiss again lol. The look in the eye say “I am validating your efforts, which are appreciated. Go Head with that whirlwind devil tung boy who raised u? Is u half Man half reptile with that tornado tung? U tryina eff around and make me fall in love? YOU 👏 DONT 👏 WANT 👏 ME 👏 TO 👏 FALL 👏 IN 👏LOVE 👏THAT’S 👏WHEN 👏 THE 👏 CRAZY 👏 COME 👏 OUT 👏 NOT 👏 THE 👏 GOOD 👏 CRAZY 👏 BUT 👏 THE 👏 BAD CRAZY. 👏BOI...imma have to ohhhghhhhhh ggggahhhhhh” *digs manicure nails into scalp* “I ahhhhhhh yesyesyesyesyes DON’T STOP FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU 😩” — You feel me? That interaction is clutch. I be seeing some of u criminals tho bruv 😂 - I start going down under and y’all wanna close ya eyes and play out a whole separate movie in ya head. How do I know what movie dat is? Maybe it’s me on a snowy mountain top wearing only a fur loin cloth riding a unicorn with my hair blowing in the arctic wind (I don’t have long hair and anyway my hair don’t blow but bear with me lmao) or maybe it’s another movie entirely that I ain’t even in!? “Well smash now I KNOW you don’t know as much as women as you purport to...some women can’t bust unless they close their eyes and go to a happy place STOP 🛑 TRYING 🛑 TO 🛑 CONTROL 🛑 OUR 🛑 BODIES.” Whoa derr ma. Now u doing too much. U free to go to a happy place, just give a brother a glance! U feel me? A small token of your appreciation. Inside every man is a little part of him that’s a hurt lil boy who need reinforcement. If u think u with some super macho lookin a$$ boy who ain’t got this lil part of him that just mean he good at hiding it but he likely got the ultimate mommy-daddy issues that ain’t came out yet jus wait on it 😂. For the rest of u, LOOK HIM IN THE EYE - to be a good plant manager u gotta be appreciative of the pipe layer so he keep doing a good job BLESS UP 🤗😍😂

Ladies cot dammit if ya man take a dive down under and hit ya Nani with that impeccable TungWerk ®️ make a lil eye contact. U feel me? Look ...

Anaconda, Beer, and Bless Up: This is Ralph. It's his first time out in public. 11/10 good boy Reddit u/aaronr93 @DrSmashlove A necessary part of adulthood is obtaining that COSTCO flex. Without delay here go the couple gems u can’t leave COSTCO without. (1) Two Brothers coffee, 2 lb. bag, $17.99. This isht right HERE, bruv? This is one of them joints that pay for the membership itself. Do me a favor and go to whole food. A 12 ounce bag run u $12.99. Here go THIRTY TWO OUNCES for $17.99. I feel like I won the lotto every time I buy this. U will need a grinder but that’s light work - TREAT YOSELF. (2) Ito En sencha and matcha tea bags. You get 100 wrapped tea bags. Brew the sencha and then add milk and honey and then empty the matcha from the bag on top. BLAM. U a barista now. Have a lil lady over like “aye baby u want a fresh ground Two Brothers latte - it’s a local beer brewery that happens to make killer coffee - or do u want a green tea latte made with the realeast authentic green tea from Japan?” She gon look at u and a single tear will form in her eye. He ex used to drag her a$$ to Starbucks, order a $5 drink, and then pat his own body down like he the police and make HER pay for HIS coffee talmbout “I forgot my wallet baby I’ll get you next.” Now YOU hand-crafting her morning beverage from scratch. You upgrading HER off of that COSTCO flex. JEW HEARD!! 🤫😍😂 (3) MyMo mochi balls (18 pcs). One tray has six - perfect for Netflix and chill at the end of a long week. “But smash, that’s only three mochis per person(?) My girl like to eat.” BIH. I SHARE MY COFFEE + TEA. NOT MY MOCHI. I NETFLIX AND CHILL MYSELF AND FOCUS ON THE PLOT. SHE GOTTA GET HER OWN “oush cream” *michelle tanner from full house voice* FAWKUMEAN 😂. (4) Siggi’s yogurt. Siggi’s is made the Iceland way. Like the Cheeto said, “why can’t we get more immigrants from countries like Norway?” BECAUSE U BRAINDEAD MORON THEY DONT WANNA COME TO THIS SH!THOLE COUNTRY THAT ELECTED YOU 😂. This is natural skyr yogurt that taste sweet + wondrous like the Nani of a comely, tall blond Icelandic woman wearing only fur boots, whispering sweet nothings in your ear that vaguely sound German but mostly like gibberish. Now u too can COSTCO flex. Bless up 😍😂😂😂

A necessary part of adulthood is obtaining that COSTCO flex. Without delay here go the couple gems u can’t leave COSTCO without. (1) Two Bro...

Af, Blessed, and Emoji: The best surprise passenger you can have next to you on a flight @DrSmashlove Now see bruv this used to be my favorite emoji: 🤗. He go by many names. Some call him Johnny Jazz Hands. I happen to call him Lil Smashington the IV, Chief Cheek Inspector, Sargeant Spreader the Nani Deader. U feel me? That’s what he doing. Opening them cheeks and delightedly admiring and inhaling the contents 🤗. But Lil Smashington has competition, bruv. Major competition. Because his Uncle Jameson Worthington VI of South Cambridgeshire bruv? Or Lil James Worthy aka the Monocle Maestro aka Scotland Yard’s Inspector of the Interior bruv? He ain’t just opening and peeking, bruv. Unc is inspecting every fold 🧐. Every skretch mark 🧐. Every lil cellulite dot 🧐. If he so much as spots an in-grown hair he gon annotate it in his Most Profitable and Efficient Bird Watching Journal; A Chronicle of Uncle Worthy’s Travels and Conquests, in which he records birds he sees in the wild such as cardinals and robin red breasts as well as birds he encounters in the bedroom 🧐. Lil Smashington basic AF bruv he get in the cheeks and he like “yum, sweet as sugar cane 😍.” Nah. Hells nah. Unc gon take a single taste and then fetch his notebook and quill pen and record the flavor notes for posterity: “Seventh of December, Two Thousand and Seventeen years after the birth of The Blessed Son of Mary. Name: Stephanie Smith. Age: approximately two score and three. Height: roughly one and one half oak barrels. Slender with supple bosom, posterior, ample hips, delightful countenance. Hair of auburn. Flavor notes: molasses; sugarplum; purée of mango; heavy whipping cream.” U feel me bruv? And Stephanie just gon sit patiently while Unc engages in his scientific field research, replaces his notebook in satchel and his quill pen in his ink well so he can go ham and bananington on the Nani 🐗. Ladies and Gentlemen I have a patron saint. A spirit animal. Me, in emoji form. A true enjoyer of the female form in all its delightful complexity. Monocle Emoji, in a difficult year of pain and suffering in many pockets of the world, u bring hope and inspiration to the masses 🧐. Unc...U da real MVP 🧐🧐🧐😂😂😂

Now see bruv this used to be my favorite emoji: 🤗. He go by many names. Some call him Johnny Jazz Hands. I happen to call him Lil Smashingto...

Af, Bless Up, and College: She was an old dog when she moved in with us - nine years old at the time. Last month she turned old enough to be able to vote Shout to u ladies whose grammar and spelling turn poor AF when u s€xt!ng bruv. In fact when the grammar-spelling too on point and the punctuation is all in the right place it’s almost like wtf? If u so fired up how u typing so good ma sumting wong 🤔. Nah. Lemme see that urgency. “Omg daddy that would feel so goog please dady”. Yes ma’am! I’m there! This wasn’t no cut and paste! Stop it ladies I know some of y’all in the game like magazine editors out dis bih. Cosmopolitan Editor-in-Chief and sh*t bruv “83 ways to please your man” lookin a$$, ol “Lemme grab this perfect photograph with optimal lighting from when Obama was just elected and it was a better time and lemme pair it with this text that has worked 11 times before” and the man usually buy it just like “omg Karen you’re AMAZING lol heck 😍”. Nah. I be searching the room for clues. “That Dell laptop look like a college joint ma. Freshman special lmao. Paid $899 at orientation at the campus bookstore lookin a$$. Lemme find out this pic is circa 2008. This pic turning 10 next year. We need to celebrate the taking of this pic ma u need to retire this pic...Nine years of service ma that pic need a pension and a retiree health care plan” 😂. Nah. Send me a hastily worded text u typed with one hand (😍) and pair it with a pic where yo hair look a mess and u laying in bed talmbout “pardon the mess and pardon my cat he’s an a$$hole” send me THAT. All natural. U feel me? NOTHING AGAINST MAKEUP I LOVE U LADIES AND YALL ONE INCH THICK MAKEUP TUTORIAL EYEBROWS WITH THE MASTERFULLY DONE FADE BUT I ALSO LOVE U WITH YA NORMAL EYEBROWS, BAGS UNDER YA EYES, SKRETCH MARKS, NANI STUBBLE WITH THE SKRAGGLY BUCKSHOT STRAY SHORT HAIR RIGHT WHERE THE THIGH MEAT CREASES TO MEET THE NANI REGION (Lil Atticus Pubicus u doing the best u can u escaped the razor this time and u be gone by next time but u fought the good fight, u da real MVP 🏅😂), CELLULITE, OTHER “imperfections”, I’LL TAKE ANY DAY OVER A PIC FROM WHEN JA RULE WAS SO HOT THAT JAY-Z MADE A MUSICAL GROUP WITH HIM (all u lil babies out there please google ‘Murder Inc.’, this happened 🤗, don’t say smash never taught u nothing BLESS UP 😩😂😂😂)

Shout to u ladies whose grammar and spelling turn poor AF when u s€xt!ng bruv. In fact when the grammar-spelling too on point and the punctu...

Af, Ass, and Aww: r/aww u/Babykins9.1d . i.redd.it She's only been here five days but she's completely melted my heart @DrSmashlove I see that stolen-appropriated clothing is encouraging just as much excitement as the hygiene discussion 😁. One of my lil homegirls text me: “I legit gave basketball shorts to a guy the other night 🙈. IT WASNT AN EX BOYFRIENDS THO. IT WAS FROM HIGH SCHOOL HE WAS JUST A FRIEND. I BORROWED THEM FOR "OPPOSITE SEX" DAY 😂😂”. Men y’all be careful now. U ain’t een gotta date a girl for her to steal yo sh!t! It could be a friend! I’m starting to notice that in addition to savagery, u women got kleptomania in yo blood...finna start locking up all my belongings whenever ANY woman enter my crib...even my sisters...Smash ain’t taking no chances - I love my lil sister but come to think of it she was eyeing my VitaMix a lil too hard last time she slid thru my spot 🤔 - baby u hella dear to me but u gotta get yo own VitaMix 🤗😂. Now then, on my last post, one of my followers said: “it’s just a pair of shorts they’re clean shut up and put them on...but you will not sit on my couch bare ass!!😒” Hold up 🤔. Hol...TF up. We not suppose to do that? Like that’s rude? Bruv. I ain’t been living right 😂. Brother like me, after laying pipe? I sit ALL on the damn couch...or any other surface for that matter. Matter fact I walk around her whole apartment room to room like a cot damn king. Like Borat Said bruv “king in de castle, king in de castle ☺️”. U feel me? I just skretched the lil Nani out bruv? Gave it a workout? Lil Punani CrossFit bruv? PunaniFit® lol? I’m king in de castle now. But all this time I’m suppose to wear another man’s b-ball Shorts so as not to leave my NutPrint®? Woman. I’m Hygienic af. Ain no NutPrint® gwan over here. But even if I DID leave such a print, u gon get this NutPrint®. I’m a dawg. And a dawg always gon leave his mark. U don’t get one without the other. If dating women means we gon ‘lose’ our favorite garments, u gotta deal with the fact that u gon get this NutPrint®. Bless up 🤗😂😂😂

I see that stolen-appropriated clothing is encouraging just as much excitement as the hygiene discussion 😁. One of my lil homegirls text me:...

Bless Up, Chance the Rapper, and Life: u/Fio_Fiddlesworth ld imgur So my Mom sold one of her schnauzer puppies to an aspiring photographer DrSmashlove So u know how I said a few weeks ago that I tried all the healthy ice creams and I was done with them, and I was going back to real ice cream? About that. See there comes a time in yo life when u realize: u just ain’t about that life. It come at different times for different people. Some of u pretty ladies go to music festivals. And y’all got that friend Mandy. Mandy got a lil marketing gig in the city where she make a good wage. Went to a good school. Seem normal. But she different. U knew it when u hit Lollapalooza with her and watched her pop a Molly, pop three pills where she ain’t even know what pills they are, some cool white kid in a Larry Bird jersey just handed them to y’all so she took them, smoked a blunt, then snorted coke with that same kid in a port a potty. U seen her 15 min later vibing to Chance the Rapper while a lil bit of puke dribbled out the corner of her mouth while she looked around crazily and on that day, u had a realization: u ain’t bout that life. Mandy? Bout that life. U? Not about that life 😂. That’s me with ice cream. I went to Mariano super market. Grabbed some Ben and Jerry Cookie Dough. Seen it had 60 grams fat - 1,120 calories-pint. Gently caressed my 6 pack over my t shirt. And reflected on the fact that I’m just not bout that life. So I copped some skinny cow ice cream sandwiches. Each one got 160 calories. I eat two to get satisfied and that’s plenty. I gotta eat seven them b!tches to equal one pint of Ben and Jerry. I used to be bigger. Had a 36 waist. Ate whatever I wanted. I can’t go back to that place. I’m a new smash. U feel me? I’m in a different place. I’ll eat B + J once in a blue moon bc it (and Jeni’s) are still the GOATs but for daily use, imma stick to these skinny cows. P.s. Skinny cow please make them rectangular with a paper (not plastic) cover. On the rare occasion my mama bought us a box of generic ice cream sandwiches, peeling the paper off as it sticks to the ice cream on the side and then liiiiiicking it up the side was the best part. The adult equivalent is peeling the panties off a woman, seeing them stick to the Nani, and liiiiiiiicking...well, y’all get the point 🤗. Bless up! 😂😂😂

So u know how I said a few weeks ago that I tried all the healthy ice creams and I was done with them, and I was going back to real ice crea...

Aww, Bless Up, and Emoji: r/aww u/ButZebrasCantSmell 18h i.redd.it This little guy followed me home and then fell asleep on my lap, so l guess I have a dog now @DrSmashlove See bruv it’s two reactions u get from ladies when u laying pipe for the first time and bust a lil early. Type 1: she hear u moan and groan and let loose the juice and she just do this grin: 😌. Like “it’s ok baby I understand 😌 this Nani feels like silk soaked in honey and coated in mango juice 😌 I don’t expect u to last more than a few strokes 😌 it’s the price of having A1 Nani 😌.” Like that’s literally what this emoji was based off of - it’s the “it’s ok my adorable Minute Man 😌” emoji 😂. Now then, Type 2: she ain’t playing bruv. Type 2 came here for some proper pipe and yo early arrival mean u just deprived her of the value of her investment. She ain’t having it. U let out half a moan - not even a full moan and groan - just literally “AHP-“ and her eyes turn red. Her face morph into the face of a she-devil 👹. Horns emerge straight on her head top. And she always say the same thing: “NOT...YET!!!! 👿” and then she hit u with the Type 2 leg lock Bruv. She wrap her arms and legs around u like: “YOU MINUTE MAN LOOKIN A$$ I’M NOT GON LET U PULL OUT IMMA HAVE YO BABY TO TEACH U A LESSON ABOUT BUSTING EARLY U THOUGHT SH!T WAS SWEET WELL LEMME TELL U HOW SWEET: EVERY TIME U LOOK IN THE FACE OF THIS BABY U GON REMEMBER THE TIME U THOUGHT IT WAS OK TO BUST AFTER A FEW STROKES - HELL NAW - NOW GIMME THIS WORK AND LET ME NAME THIS BABY WITHOUT CONSULTING U. “Zeena”. ISSA GREEK NAME THAT MEANS “stranger, guest” WHICH IS APPROPRIATE BECAUSE IMMA HAVE FULL CUSTODY AND U GON SHOW UP WITH MY MONTHLY SUPPORT AS A GUEST IN A CRIB *YOU* PAYING FOR HOWBOWDAH 👿.” And u thinking “naw baby relax it’s all good round 2 gon be amazing 😬” and she just like “sorry I had other plans after this, expect to get served with a DNA test in 9 months bless up.” Type 2 ladies imma need y’all to learn from yo Type 1 sisters. Embrace the fact that your Nani A1. Give him another chance. U ain’t gotta go off and have his baby to teach him a lesson - let him cool his jets and give u the bidness one mo ‘gain. And if he bust early, cut him off forever. AND THEN DM ME IMMEEJALLY BECAUSE IT MEAN U GOT THAT UNICORN NANI AND WE SHOULD GET MARRIED AND HAVE CHIRREN BLESS UP 🤗😂😂😂

See bruv it’s two reactions u get from ladies when u laying pipe for the first time and bust a lil early. Type 1: she hear u moan and groan ...

Ass, Fresh, and Girls: u/coltsfanca 16h imgur Two years ago today, Nala fell asleep on the scale at her first visit to the vet... l- So after my last caption I imeejally got a message from my lil homegirl saying “Can we jus be honest about the fact that a clean punani is gonna taste the same at the beginning of the night and the end, regardless of freshening up 😂. Like ur jus playin around right 😭👀 . unless I hit the gym and run 3 miles i feel like it's pretty much the same.” To which I replied: “If you been Wildin all night on rooftop bars with your girls on a hot breezy evening the Punani smell gon be shkronger ❤️😍” to which she replied “😂😂😂 even if I don't wear underwear ? asking for a friend”. See this is why I love my followers 😍 y’all constantly force to engage in critical thinking 🤔 and test my theories 😂. Yes. Correct. Skirt or dress + no panties + showered Punani to start off with = this is what scientists call Convertible Nani the air circulation is such that the wind hits your smooth, freshly shaven legs and ricochets upward traveling northwardly betwixt the thighs gently kissing and caressing the Nani windwardly and (1) drying any accumulated moisture, and (2) whisking away any skrong marinade perfumery. I can actually attest to this. It’s fascinating. Basically if u play yo cards right and didn’t drink a gallon of alcohol at the pre party to where u gotta pee nine times at the bar straddling that nasty ass God forsaken toilet, u can actually maintain a remarkably farm-fresh non-GMO organically local grown Nani. I stand corrected 😍❤️😂😂😂

So after my last caption I imeejally got a message from my lil homegirl saying “Can we jus be honest about the fact that a clean punani is g...

Ass, Chicago, and Christmas: Little kiss on the chick Pic: reddit u/anonimverse Ladies I love y'all lemme tell u why. I get into yo bedroom. We get to kissing. Right when I'm about to yank ya lil panties off what do u classy ladies say? "HOLD ON LEMME PEE 😁". Ain't no pee, bruv. She already peed. She bout to go freshen up the Nani bc that's what u classy girls do, y'all interrupt the foreplay to make sure ya joint smell, look and taste splendiferous before we sliiiiiide that tung deep inside. "Hold on lemme pee"? That little three or four minutes when u waiting for her bruv? Thass Christmas Eve. Anything could happen. NBA 2K18. Jordan 11s. Nerf Machine Gun. U feel me? She might come out of there bucky nekky. She might come out with lingerie on. Full body MF fishnet body suit (I'm really out here y'all I done seen it all 🌶). Shout to u ladies bruv. Heightening the tension. Creating intrigue. I swear y'all the real MVP. P.s. If u in a hotel with a girl and u see the little wet folded up face towel shoved under the sink that's the Nani freshener towel (FYI) every girl got that ImOnToYouLadies 🤗😂. P.p.s. Oh wait. Wait wait wait. Oh y'all thought I was done? Y'all thought I wasn't gon address them ladies that's gon go out to dinner ... drinks ... dancing for four hours ... after party ... and NOT stop me so she could freshen up the Nani before I go downtown James Brown? WELL GO HEAD ASF MAMI I FUX WITCHOE 12 HOUR MARINADE I'M FROM CHICAGO WE LOVE AGING THINGS 60 DAY AGED BONE-IN RIBEYE YES PLEASE THAT MUSKY, MUSHROOMY EARTHY PERFUMEY FRAGRANCE GET MY HEART RACING I AIN'T MAD AT YO NASTY ASS MAMA LEMME TASTE THE RAINBOW U BOUT TO BRING THE ANIMAL OUT REAL TALK FarmFreshDryAgedOrWetAged ItsAllWondrousToMe LemmeTasteIt AllOfIt BlessUp 🤗😍😂😂😂

Ladies I love y'all lemme tell u why. I get into yo bedroom. We get to kissing. Right when I'm about to yank ya lil panties off what do u cl...

Memes, Work, and Animal: Just look at her eyes after the boop Her eyes after I tell her I wanna devour the Nani from behind AFTER she work out because I'm an animal 🤗 LemmeTasteThatMarinade BlessUp 👅😂😂😂

Her eyes after I tell her I wanna devour the Nani from behind AFTER she work out because I'm an animal 🤗 LemmeTasteThatMarinade BlessUp 👅😂😂😂

Arguing, Disney, and Fucking: Did you lose your job because of Stitch and me? Nah. The managers a vampire He wanted me to join his legion of the undead. lknew.it mamasam stoothatimo nani was NINETEEN and such a fucking badass who was so protective of lilo and just ROLLED with aliens being a thing towards the end of the movie. #1 Disney relative of all time I have honestly been waiting AGES for the right gifset to express the wonderful perfection that is Nani. She is not only protective of Lilo, she respects the way Lilo's imagination and quirkiness works. Pudge the fish got a peanut butter sandwich every Thursday. Nani does not argue the logic of feeding him, only suggests an altemative sandwich when they are out of peanut butter Lilo was allowed to take as many photos of whatever mundane or odd subjects as she wanted and Nani would get them developed. Nani recognized what were important habits for Lilo When Lilo asks for a pet lobster, Nani does not tell her that lobsters are not pets. She tells her "We don't have a lobster door, we have a dog door She makes sure the woman at the pound does not tell Lilo that Stitch is not a real name NANI SPENDS THE ENTIRE MOVIE MAKING SURE THAT LILO NEVER FEELS LIKE HER IDEAS ARE WRONG The only time we truly see Nani get angry with Lilo is when she is scared of Lilo being taken away. Nani spends the entire movie stressed out over taking care of her sister, trying to find a job, trying to make sure her sister has a friend, and yet she is always willing to put that extra effort over and over again, to make sure that Lilo always believes that anything is possible 475,344 notes <p>I&rsquo;m sure this has already been posted here before, but every time I see this it makes me smile. via /r/wholesomememes <a href="http://ift.tt/2vQxUyA">http://ift.tt/2vQxUyA</a></p>

I’m sure this has already been posted here before, but every time I see this it makes me smile. via /r/wholesomememes http://ift.tt/2vQxUyA