๐Ÿ”ฅ Popular | Latest

ballet-royale: midnight-spectrum-again: thesaltofcarthage: festivefeathers: safifonhasstrel: bundibird: jehovahhthickness: biggest-gaudiest-fish: lipsredasroses: mayothefirst: madamehearthwitch: thegrimmlovely: riskpig: endangeredslug: riskpig: teamseabreeze: recycled-soul: skywritingg: iloveyournudity: cuntsoloud-ishere: pizzaforpresident: This wonโ€™t make your blog look ugly. How could you not reblog this? REBLOGGING THIS COULD SAVE A LIFE!!! This goes for assholes, too, guys. I know a couple who went tubing once, and they had to re-air their tubes, but the guy thought it would be funny to stick the tip of the air compressor up to her bikini trunks, the air ruptured something inside her and she died within thirty minutes. WHAT? The thing about this? Itโ€™s in every pregnancy book Iโ€™ve read. WHAT????? Why is it in pregnancy books but not sex ed books? Because the men in charge only care about the health and safety of women in so far as it enables them to have babies. https://www.healthline.com/health/air-embolism#outlook Reblogging with a link because I thought this was a legit joke. Never heard it before. Like I knew you could kill a person by inserting air into a vein but still. WHAT THE FUCL I hate how I didnโ€™t learn this in sex Ed AT ALL This is very true lol Yo what the f u c k not the normal stuff iโ€™d reblog but, uh, this is kinda??? heckin???? important????? I feel like I first saw this in The Joy of Sex,ย but itโ€™s definitely a thing. What the fuck Iโ€™m ace but here you guys go : ballet-royale: midnight-spectrum-again: thesaltofcarthage: festivefeathers: safifonhasstrel: bundibird: jehovahhthickness: biggest-gaudiest-fish: lipsredasroses: mayothefirst: madamehearthwitch: thegrimmlovely: riskpig: endangeredslug: riskpig: teamseabreeze: recycled-soul: skywritingg: iloveyournudity: cuntsoloud-ishere: pizzaforpresident: This wonโ€™t make your blog look ugly. How could you not reblog this? REBLOGGING THIS COULD SAVE A LIFE!!! This goes for assholes, too, guys. I know a couple who went tubing once, and they had to re-air their tubes, but the guy thought it would be funny to stick the tip of the air compressor up to her bikini trunks, the air ruptured something inside her and she died within thirty minutes. WHAT? The thing about this? Itโ€™s in every pregnancy book Iโ€™ve read. WHAT????? Why is it in pregnancy books but not sex ed books? Because the men in charge only care about the health and safety of women in so far as it enables them to have babies. https://www.healthline.com/health/air-embolism#outlook Reblogging with a link because I thought this was a legit joke. Never heard it before. Like I knew you could kill a person by inserting air into a vein but still. WHAT THE FUCL I hate how I didnโ€™t learn this in sex Ed AT ALL This is very true lol Yo what the f u c k not the normal stuff iโ€™d reblog but, uh, this is kinda??? heckin???? important????? I feel like I first saw this in The Joy of Sex,ย but itโ€™s definitely a thing. What the fuck Iโ€™m ace but here you guys go
Save
crispy-ghee: 3 of Cousinโ€™s other children: Little Knife, Little Flame, and Naniandi. (aka, the last of the group of Cousinโ€™s kids that Iโ€™ll draw because he has like 50 or something and Iโ€™m not designing all of them, Iโ€™m sorry. Feel free to pretend that your OC is Cousinโ€™s kid, itโ€™ll probably work out.)Little Knife:ย  Cousinโ€™s youngest son and the last he had with Fury before she died. A cocky little shit sometimes, but with good reason. While smaller than all his sibs, his agility and stealth made him an asset to hunting parties.ย  His relationship w/ Jagged-Tooth sucks. He and Kal'thnde are very close, tho, as Cousin was already aging and too busy chaperoning youngbloods to pay him as much attention as he shouldโ€™ve, Kal and his sisters more or less raised him and got between him and Jagged-Tooth often. Lauded for his nimbleness and his lightning speed while maintaining near-silence, he has become an asset in his hunting party. His abilities also make him sought after for off-world reconnaissance, where he travels to planets to review and evaluate their suitability for hunting.Little Knife is one of the 20 or so Yautja who join Cousin to form the Yautja Faction, against the orders of the Elder Council. 12 of his brothers also form the team, including Jagged-Tooth and Kalโ€™thnde.ย Little Flame:ย  Celebrated Huntress, Several times Champion of inter-tribal games and so coveted and beloved beyond her own clan. Aggressive, abrasive, but loyal, like her father in his youth. Little Flame is close to Kal and Little Knife, and was one of Cousinโ€™s children that fought against Jagged-Toothโ€™s bad attitudeโ€“ballsy, as heโ€™s biotic. She and the eldest brother never really learned to get along, but there is begrudging respect for each others achievements. Little Flame basically saved her fatherโ€™s life when at one point she heard whispers that some elders were speaking of sending Enforcers or some other group of Hunters to go after Cousin and his Renegades. She sent him warnings, and killed most of the would-be trackers herself.Naniandi:ย  Cousinโ€™s eldest Daughter. Sometimes called Furious Patience, a play on her motherโ€™s name (Patient Fury), since sheโ€™s so much like her. One of the tribe matriarchs, and often invited alongside the tribeโ€™s elders to speak diplomacy with other clans when needed. Naniandi is the closest Jagged-Tooth is to any of his family, maybe having to do w/ how much like his mother she is, even though she is a century or so younger than him. Sheโ€™s basically all around respected by everyone in Cousinโ€™s family, as well as their overall clan Itโ€™s Naniandiโ€™s influence and hard work that made it possible for Cousin and the remainder of the Yautja faction to return to Homeworld after theyโ€™d disgraced themselves to go fight alongside Shepard. She ultimately convinced the elders to reinstate honor and title to her father. Yautja joke (but only a little) about wishing to birth armies. Compared to others his age, Cousin only has a moderate amount of offspring, but those that survived into his old age came out fierce, capable, and loyal to their family. Itโ€™s thanks to them he could be with Shepard. : crispy-ghee: 3 of Cousinโ€™s other children: Little Knife, Little Flame, and Naniandi. (aka, the last of the group of Cousinโ€™s kids that Iโ€™ll draw because he has like 50 or something and Iโ€™m not designing all of them, Iโ€™m sorry. Feel free to pretend that your OC is Cousinโ€™s kid, itโ€™ll probably work out.)Little Knife:ย  Cousinโ€™s youngest son and the last he had with Fury before she died. A cocky little shit sometimes, but with good reason. While smaller than all his sibs, his agility and stealth made him an asset to hunting parties.ย  His relationship w/ Jagged-Tooth sucks. He and Kal'thnde are very close, tho, as Cousin was already aging and too busy chaperoning youngbloods to pay him as much attention as he shouldโ€™ve, Kal and his sisters more or less raised him and got between him and Jagged-Tooth often. Lauded for his nimbleness and his lightning speed while maintaining near-silence, he has become an asset in his hunting party. His abilities also make him sought after for off-world reconnaissance, where he travels to planets to review and evaluate their suitability for hunting.Little Knife is one of the 20 or so Yautja who join Cousin to form the Yautja Faction, against the orders of the Elder Council. 12 of his brothers also form the team, including Jagged-Tooth and Kalโ€™thnde.ย Little Flame:ย  Celebrated Huntress, Several times Champion of inter-tribal games and so coveted and beloved beyond her own clan. Aggressive, abrasive, but loyal, like her father in his youth. Little Flame is close to Kal and Little Knife, and was one of Cousinโ€™s children that fought against Jagged-Toothโ€™s bad attitudeโ€“ballsy, as heโ€™s biotic. She and the eldest brother never really learned to get along, but there is begrudging respect for each others achievements. Little Flame basically saved her fatherโ€™s life when at one point she heard whispers that some elders were speaking of sending Enforcers or some other group of Hunters to go after Cousin and his Renegades. She sent him warnings, and killed most of the would-be trackers herself.Naniandi:ย  Cousinโ€™s eldest Daughter. Sometimes called Furious Patience, a play on her motherโ€™s name (Patient Fury), since sheโ€™s so much like her. One of the tribe matriarchs, and often invited alongside the tribeโ€™s elders to speak diplomacy with other clans when needed. Naniandi is the closest Jagged-Tooth is to any of his family, maybe having to do w/ how much like his mother she is, even though she is a century or so younger than him. Sheโ€™s basically all around respected by everyone in Cousinโ€™s family, as well as their overall clan Itโ€™s Naniandiโ€™s influence and hard work that made it possible for Cousin and the remainder of the Yautja faction to return to Homeworld after theyโ€™d disgraced themselves to go fight alongside Shepard. She ultimately convinced the elders to reinstate honor and title to her father. Yautja joke (but only a little) about wishing to birth armies. Compared to others his age, Cousin only has a moderate amount of offspring, but those that survived into his old age came out fierce, capable, and loyal to their family. Itโ€™s thanks to them he could be with Shepard.
Save
sirrah1940: profeminist: profeminist: chemicallywrit: kaylapocalypse: historicaltimes: โ€œCrazy Dionโ€ Diamond at one of his sit-ins as a teenager in Arlington, VA. June 10, 1960 via reddit All of those people around him are demons hey guys! hereโ€™s some fun things i learned from this article about Dion Diamond: he did these sit-ins by himself. like idk about you, but i always thought of sit-ins as organized by groups, what kind of bravery does it take, man he didnโ€™t tell anyone about it, like he was no glory-seeker about this. his parents didnโ€™t even know until reporters started calling them up like โ€œhey, did you know your son is in jail? when someone called the cops heโ€™d skedaddle out the back door although he was sent to prison multiple times the last time he got arrested was in Baton Rouge, and the cops were so sick of him that they told inmates theyโ€™d put in a good word for anyone who gave Diamond a hard time. (the inmates didnโ€™t take the bait.) heโ€™s still alive! hark, a hero of our times! That is unbelievable courage! : sirrah1940: profeminist: profeminist: chemicallywrit: kaylapocalypse: historicaltimes: โ€œCrazy Dionโ€ Diamond at one of his sit-ins as a teenager in Arlington, VA. June 10, 1960 via reddit All of those people around him are demons hey guys! hereโ€™s some fun things i learned from this article about Dion Diamond: he did these sit-ins by himself. like idk about you, but i always thought of sit-ins as organized by groups, what kind of bravery does it take, man he didnโ€™t tell anyone about it, like he was no glory-seeker about this. his parents didnโ€™t even know until reporters started calling them up like โ€œhey, did you know your son is in jail? when someone called the cops heโ€™d skedaddle out the back door although he was sent to prison multiple times the last time he got arrested was in Baton Rouge, and the cops were so sick of him that they told inmates theyโ€™d put in a good word for anyone who gave Diamond a hard time. (the inmates didnโ€™t take the bait.) heโ€™s still alive! hark, a hero of our times! That is unbelievable courage!

sirrah1940: profeminist: profeminist: chemicallywrit: kaylapocalypse: historicaltimes: โ€œCrazy Dionโ€ Diamond at one of his sit-ins...

Save
what-even-is-thiss: bobcatdump: jaskiegg: mellomaia: aphony-cree: beyoncescock: gahdamnpunk: Honestly!!! This is just psychological trauma in the making THANK YOU Iโ€™ve asked parents about this and they always say they are teaching the child responsibility and โ€œrespect for other peopleโ€™s things.โ€ If I point out that the child accidentally broke their own toy they always sayย โ€œI bought them that toyโ€ orย โ€œmy sister gave that to them.โ€ The problem is that parents view all possessions as not really belonging to the child. A part of them always seems to think that the adult who provided the money is the real owner If a parent breaks a dish they see it as breaking something that already belonged to them, but if a child breaks it they see it as the child breaking something that belonged to the parents People raising children need to realize that household possessions belong to the entire household. If everyone has to use that plate then it belongs to everyone and anyone can have a forgivable accident with it. Itโ€™s okay to deem certain possessions as just yours and ask everyone in the house to respect that, but extend the same respect to your childโ€™s belongings Big mood. I know most of these are talking about little little kids, but hereโ€™s a tale from middle school. I had forgotten to charge my phone one night, and this was back when cell phones used to beep loudly when they were low on battery. I kept hearing the noise throughout the afternoon and not recognizing what it was because Iโ€™d never heard it before. When I finally did realize what it was, I was in science class and my fellow classmates were making presentations. I reached into my bag to try to turn off the phone, and then the low-battery sound went off, loud enough for the teacher to hear it. She confiscated my phone in front of everyone, and I didnโ€™t get it back until after the weekend because it was a Friday. I was really embarrassed, especially to tell my parents. When I got my phone back that Monday, my teacher said it was important for me to learn this lesson now since in college they wouldnโ€™t tolerate phones going off. Fast forward to when I was in college, any time someoneโ€™s phone went off, either the professor would tell them to turn it off, or they would say, โ€œOh, my bad,โ€ and turn it off themselves, and everyone would move on. I even had a professor who danced around while someoneโ€™s phone went off, and it was a welcome moment of levity during the lecture. I say all this to say, one of the worst aspects of being a child/teen was adults assuming my intentions were malicious. God Iโ€™ve been reading these posts for a while and each time I am struck with the realization that certainly not all parents were supposed to be a parent โ€œI say all this to say, one of the worst aspects of being a child/teen was adults assuming my intentions were malicious.โ€YES this The problem is, even if families are forgiving the culture around children still effects the child. I use myself as proof of that. A few times between the ages of 4 and 18 I broke things. I broke my grandmaโ€™s favorite Christmas ornament. Her first question was: โ€œAre you hurt?โ€ and when I apologized profusely she said โ€œIโ€™m just glad you werenโ€™t hurt.โ€ I broke a few plates. I broke a couple glasses. Every time my dadโ€™s first response was โ€œDid you get cut?โ€ the second step was cleaning up the broken bits, and the third was a discussion of what led to me breaking it and how I could avoid doing that in the future. Same with spills. Same with stains. My biggest โ€œpunishmentโ€ from my immediate family was being taught how to clean up the mess I made and being shown in detail how to avoid the same mistake in the future if it was avoidable. There were consequences for my actions, but they were the direct result of those actions and nothing much beyond that. My family tried so hard to teach me how to deal with accidents in a healthy way. They were patient. They treated every slip-up as a learning opportunity. They showed me a lot of love. The other adults still got to me. Teachers still punished and publicly shamed me and other students for our mess-ups. Extended family members outside of my small supportive circle still yelled at me. My friendsโ€™ parents still got mad. To the point where whenever I messed up my first instinct was that my dad or grandparents were going to punish me, or yell at me, or hit me, even though they never did. They just didnโ€™t. They always responded with patience and an attitude of โ€œIโ€™m glad youโ€™re safe and I want to help you learn from this.โ€ And I was still afraid of messing up. Mortified. Expecting the worst every time. Itโ€™s likeโ€ฆ we need to change the culture around this, man. Completely. : what-even-is-thiss: bobcatdump: jaskiegg: mellomaia: aphony-cree: beyoncescock: gahdamnpunk: Honestly!!! This is just psychological trauma in the making THANK YOU Iโ€™ve asked parents about this and they always say they are teaching the child responsibility and โ€œrespect for other peopleโ€™s things.โ€ If I point out that the child accidentally broke their own toy they always sayย โ€œI bought them that toyโ€ orย โ€œmy sister gave that to them.โ€ The problem is that parents view all possessions as not really belonging to the child. A part of them always seems to think that the adult who provided the money is the real owner If a parent breaks a dish they see it as breaking something that already belonged to them, but if a child breaks it they see it as the child breaking something that belonged to the parents People raising children need to realize that household possessions belong to the entire household. If everyone has to use that plate then it belongs to everyone and anyone can have a forgivable accident with it. Itโ€™s okay to deem certain possessions as just yours and ask everyone in the house to respect that, but extend the same respect to your childโ€™s belongings Big mood. I know most of these are talking about little little kids, but hereโ€™s a tale from middle school. I had forgotten to charge my phone one night, and this was back when cell phones used to beep loudly when they were low on battery. I kept hearing the noise throughout the afternoon and not recognizing what it was because Iโ€™d never heard it before. When I finally did realize what it was, I was in science class and my fellow classmates were making presentations. I reached into my bag to try to turn off the phone, and then the low-battery sound went off, loud enough for the teacher to hear it. She confiscated my phone in front of everyone, and I didnโ€™t get it back until after the weekend because it was a Friday. I was really embarrassed, especially to tell my parents. When I got my phone back that Monday, my teacher said it was important for me to learn this lesson now since in college they wouldnโ€™t tolerate phones going off. Fast forward to when I was in college, any time someoneโ€™s phone went off, either the professor would tell them to turn it off, or they would say, โ€œOh, my bad,โ€ and turn it off themselves, and everyone would move on. I even had a professor who danced around while someoneโ€™s phone went off, and it was a welcome moment of levity during the lecture. I say all this to say, one of the worst aspects of being a child/teen was adults assuming my intentions were malicious. God Iโ€™ve been reading these posts for a while and each time I am struck with the realization that certainly not all parents were supposed to be a parent โ€œI say all this to say, one of the worst aspects of being a child/teen was adults assuming my intentions were malicious.โ€YES this The problem is, even if families are forgiving the culture around children still effects the child. I use myself as proof of that. A few times between the ages of 4 and 18 I broke things. I broke my grandmaโ€™s favorite Christmas ornament. Her first question was: โ€œAre you hurt?โ€ and when I apologized profusely she said โ€œIโ€™m just glad you werenโ€™t hurt.โ€ I broke a few plates. I broke a couple glasses. Every time my dadโ€™s first response was โ€œDid you get cut?โ€ the second step was cleaning up the broken bits, and the third was a discussion of what led to me breaking it and how I could avoid doing that in the future. Same with spills. Same with stains. My biggest โ€œpunishmentโ€ from my immediate family was being taught how to clean up the mess I made and being shown in detail how to avoid the same mistake in the future if it was avoidable. There were consequences for my actions, but they were the direct result of those actions and nothing much beyond that. My family tried so hard to teach me how to deal with accidents in a healthy way. They were patient. They treated every slip-up as a learning opportunity. They showed me a lot of love. The other adults still got to me. Teachers still punished and publicly shamed me and other students for our mess-ups. Extended family members outside of my small supportive circle still yelled at me. My friendsโ€™ parents still got mad. To the point where whenever I messed up my first instinct was that my dad or grandparents were going to punish me, or yell at me, or hit me, even though they never did. They just didnโ€™t. They always responded with patience and an attitude of โ€œIโ€™m glad youโ€™re safe and I want to help you learn from this.โ€ And I was still afraid of messing up. Mortified. Expecting the worst every time. Itโ€™s likeโ€ฆ we need to change the culture around this, man. Completely.

what-even-is-thiss: bobcatdump: jaskiegg: mellomaia: aphony-cree: beyoncescock: gahdamnpunk: Honestly!!! This is just psychologica...

Save
Save
inquisitorhotpants: burntcopper: futureevilscientist: optimysticals: uovoc: konec0: sleepyferret: shitfacedanon: dat-soldier: sonnetscrewdriver: dat-soldier: did-you-kno: Source back the fuck up Thereโ€™s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up. So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the cityโ€™s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him. The horde decided that this was a scenario that had โ€œMASSIVE FUCKING TRAPโ€ written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off. Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes. did he just invite us over for tea nah man iโ€™m out This just keeps getting better I fucking love history. ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yiโ€ฆ OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire. The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponentโ€™s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, yโ€™know, kinda sucked. On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like โ€œshit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.โ€ Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And thatโ€™s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap When Sima Yi comes heโ€™s all like โ€œyo come on in broโ€ and Sima Yi is like โ€œyeah heโ€™s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluffโ€ and heโ€™s about to head in when he realizes wait. he knows that i think heโ€™s bluffing. and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like โ€œhe know that I know that he knows that etc.โ€), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave. Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan wasย based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, thereโ€™s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.ย  and thatโ€™s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely justย to deceive one man, and it worked. Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his sideโ€™s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river. Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.ย  Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then heโ€™s like, โ€Ok guys thatโ€™s enough.โ€ They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemyโ€™s arrows. Zhuge Liang is legend. I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History. If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff. Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this: Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang I fully support watching Red Cliff; itโ€™s gloriously silly entertainment during the battle scenes. Guess what just got moved to the top of my watch list?? :D : inquisitorhotpants: burntcopper: futureevilscientist: optimysticals: uovoc: konec0: sleepyferret: shitfacedanon: dat-soldier: sonnetscrewdriver: dat-soldier: did-you-kno: Source back the fuck up Thereโ€™s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up. So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the cityโ€™s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him. The horde decided that this was a scenario that had โ€œMASSIVE FUCKING TRAPโ€ written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off. Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes. did he just invite us over for tea nah man iโ€™m out This just keeps getting better I fucking love history. ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yiโ€ฆ OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire. The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponentโ€™s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, yโ€™know, kinda sucked. On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like โ€œshit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.โ€ Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And thatโ€™s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap When Sima Yi comes heโ€™s all like โ€œyo come on in broโ€ and Sima Yi is like โ€œyeah heโ€™s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluffโ€ and heโ€™s about to head in when he realizes wait. he knows that i think heโ€™s bluffing. and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like โ€œhe know that I know that he knows that etc.โ€), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave. Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan wasย based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, thereโ€™s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.ย  and thatโ€™s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely justย to deceive one man, and it worked. Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his sideโ€™s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river. Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.ย  Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then heโ€™s like, โ€Ok guys thatโ€™s enough.โ€ They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemyโ€™s arrows. Zhuge Liang is legend. I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History. If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff. Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this: Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang I fully support watching Red Cliff; itโ€™s gloriously silly entertainment during the battle scenes. Guess what just got moved to the top of my watch list?? :D
Save
Save