Bodies , Chipotle, and Girl Scouts: PS Products
PS Products Knuckle Blaster is a 950,000V Stun Gun
with Batteries & Magnetic Leather Holster
List Price: $69.99
By tdoog- May 5, 2013
I purchased this after I was confronted by
punks demanding that I hand over my money. I'm
a relatively fit guy, but I was no match for them.
That is when I realized that I need to protect
myself. The day after I bought this product I went
to the very same Wal-Mart parking lot when I was
first mugged. I approached the group of
hooligans standing outside the entrance,
concealing my secret weapon.
I cooly asked "Remember me?"
One of them looked up and said, "Have you com
back to buy some Samoas or Thin Mints? My Gi
Scout Troop needs to raise more money!"
I replied with "you're not taking my money this
time". "But sir, they're delicious!", she said.
I whipped out my Knuckle Blaster Stun Gun hand
and shouted "WRONG MOVE B****" The five giri
scouts ran away screaming.
As I pounded my chest in victory, I accidentally
activated the stun gun and applied 950,000 Volts
to my right nipple. I woke up 4 hours later to the
sound of heavy footsteps. Those Girl Scouts had
brought their fathers. But I was ready. I lunged at
the largest one with a cry of "RAGGLE
FRAGGLE!!!" and hit him in the stomach. He hit
the ground harder than a fat kid on a jungle gym.
As the others began to circle around me,I
changed techniques. Holding both of my hands
in tight fists, I rased my arms to my sides and
initiated the helicopter spin. They all backed off,
fearing my impressive RPM. After a while I
started getting dizzy, and one of the fathers
decided to try to tackle me. As he ran to me stood
there, dizzy and queasy; time was going real
slow. Then I remembered. I had eaten lunch at
Chipotle and the burrito was fighting its way back
up my stomach.
I tuned toward my enemy and launched a stream
of projectile vomit at him, knocking him to the
ground. Then I started singing "Let the bodies hit
the floor, let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies
hit the.... FLOOO00RRR!!!"
I grabbed my Knuckle Blasher Stun Gun and
shoved it into my mouth, running headfirst at my
foes, electrocuting them with my teeth.
Eventually they were all unconscious, and I
walked home victorious.
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