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A true programmer: Hacker Scripts Based on a true story: build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, Xxx: OK, so, our that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that. xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy" xxx: You're gonna love this xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login. xxx: kumar-asshole.sh scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help" "trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time". xxx: hangover.sh another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well/gonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am. xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like sys brew. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 () seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk. xxx: holy sh*t I'm keeping those XX: A true programmer
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thedarkchimera: @beatasticband tagged me for a gif and @lafemmedemon and @misshammett for a selfie! (I think other people have tagged me but I’m too lazy to look, I’m so sorry. If you’ve ever tagged me for anything - I love you.)This week was busy but I’m not complaining. I’ve been sleeping like the dead lately.Tagging @thewolfclan @ashesofthepaleserpent  @bloodofheroes @ethereal-valky @obsidian-night @volheimdallr @ghostof-nothing @lord-worms-shakespeare-class @bridgesinthesky @waldeinsamkeit-x @theashenone @blodbranddod @prideandperdition @orbi-the-lonely @misfit-on-a-journey @alan-frogger @atticgoth @cannabyss666 @type-ho-negative @solrift @calumari @spiritboundflesh @adreamofmirrors @aleksandroskaya @apollonlight @macabremusings @scarsoftheshatteredsky and whoever wants to! Or if you don’t feel like it, no worries. 3: thedarkchimera: @beatasticband tagged me for a gif and @lafemmedemon and @misshammett for a selfie! (I think other people have tagged me but I’m too lazy to look, I’m so sorry. If you’ve ever tagged me for anything - I love you.)This week was busy but I’m not complaining. I’ve been sleeping like the dead lately.Tagging @thewolfclan @ashesofthepaleserpent  @bloodofheroes @ethereal-valky @obsidian-night @volheimdallr @ghostof-nothing @lord-worms-shakespeare-class @bridgesinthesky @waldeinsamkeit-x @theashenone @blodbranddod @prideandperdition @orbi-the-lonely @misfit-on-a-journey @alan-frogger @atticgoth @cannabyss666 @type-ho-negative @solrift @calumari @spiritboundflesh @adreamofmirrors @aleksandroskaya @apollonlight @macabremusings @scarsoftheshatteredsky and whoever wants to! Or if you don’t feel like it, no worries. 3
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