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9/11, America, and Children: The Turkey Story So it's 2001, and my family drives from fu California and like three blizzards to get to Ohio for into a nursing home and it's their last holiday in that house. So its a bit bittersweet but ultimately a good thing. Since it's their last holiday there, the family pulls out all the stops when it comes to dinner, all the Russian desserts come out, as does the Lethal Bacon Mashed Potatoes and the horrible candied yams with the mini marshmallows dish because not all expressions of love are even if they are si In the spirit of going alout, Uncle Bobby smokes a Turkey Uncle Bobby started cooking as a boy foil-wrapped potatoes into a campfire and has been ad- dicted since, and now has a hand-made smokehouse in the backyard where he makes various cured meats and other delights. He seasons the turkey in the traditional manner, but he and grandpa have a shared passion for SO Game Hen seasoned that way, for them. Then Bobby has a Brilliant Idea. He realizes that he can stuff the turkey (once it has been smoked) with regular stuffing, and there is still plenty of room for him to put the game hen inside THAT, and stuff the game hen be- cuase why not? He confers with Mom, and she explains how to cut open the turkey so there's dramatic reveal as the stuffing and game hen come out. It's Genius. Except, of course, that my Aunt Sue is attending, Uncle Cliff s after her So the day of the dinner, tensions are running a bit high, between the marathon cooking, the kids al being trapped indoors due to aforementioned blizzards, and Uncle Cliff deciding that the best way to amuse himself is by hiding from the adults in the basement, getting drunk and rambling about how various ethic groups were destroying America. Being that I had close Muslim friends that were leaving the country becuase of 9/11, 1 was near tears from this nonsense and ready to n roughly five times my size. Sue, for some reason, keeps coming down and defending him, or telling us we're rotten children for 'attacking him, becuase she Must Stand By Her Man, even if her man is a hefty bag of dog feces with an ugly mustache My sister eventually boits upstairs to tattle and my grandfather limps down to the basement and brandishes his Hip Bone Cane, hands rock-steady in spite of the Parkinson's slowly taking over him. Firstly Cliff, It may not be my roof much longer but while you are under it you will be civil, or Ill beat your skull in. Also, dinner's ready, everyone go wash up. We go upstairs and sit down, and do the traditional "Name one thing you're thankful for as the bread gets passed around the table, and things calm down a bit. Bobby brings out the Turkey and everyone goes OOH becuase it's really pretty, them Mom carves it open so that the stuffing spills out dramatically along with the game hen and there's an appreciative gasp all around becuase it looks cool. Only Sue KEEPS gasping, in utter horror, before getting up and clasping her hands to her face ala Edvard Munch and shrieks OH MY GOD IT WAS PREGNANTI We all stare at Sue. We all look back at the fully-dressed-cooked-and-stuffed birds that in no way had any internal organs in them or ever gave live birth Then we all looked back at Sue, trying to figure out where to begin but since shed been trying to justify Cliffs behavior she was pretty much free-associating conspiracies and scandals now, and just kept going. IT WAS PREGNANT MY GOD WE'VE COMMITTED AN ABORTION WE'RE ALL GOING TO HELL FOR THIS, I'M SO SORRY JESUS She goes into full pearl-clutching gibbering horror at this point and falls back into her chair like it's a Victorian fainting couch only it's a shitty chair from the Eisenhower administration so it collapses and she slams into the floor, sobbing and kicking her feet like a toddler Everyone watched for a moment before my Mom sighs heavily and starts carving and serving the turkey while my grandmother mouths she's not coming back Cliff, reactions delayed by about six beers, finally notices his wife is on the floor and tries to pick her up, are assisted by Dad, who is saintly patient man and less immune to this jacknapery at that point. I am stuffing dinner rolls into my face to keep from laughing at this grand spectacle ICANT EAT IT, I REFUSE TO PARTAKE IN THIS BARBARISM Sue begins but Dad puts on his best Kindly Father voice (he was heavily involved with the catholic church and even considered becoming a priest before getting drafted but that's another story)and assures Sue that she need not eat, or even be in the room if she wants. She nods, placated by being the center of attention again, and Dad goes in for the kill. I wouldn't want you to go hungry. Can I make you some That would be lovely." Said Sue, joke flying over her ng 747. I recall watching my grandmot her nearly choke to death on the green beans over that, and everyone pointedly trying to avoid talking about anything poultry-related while Sue sat there and ate the most ironic scrambled eggs in the history of mankind. Shortly thereafter, Cliff threw up in the sink and they went home, and the party got underway properly, with Grandpa raising a toast to Mom and Uncle Bobby For t Turkey has been an staple since then. I'll see if I can hit Uncle Bobby up for instructions but if you decide to make it 1. you HAVE to shriek "OH MY GOD IT WAS PREGNANT when you carve it open, or it's not authentic and won't taste as good 2. Share the pictures with me, Very planned Parenthood
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Head, Life, and The Hood: PARON ME, YOUING MAN IS THIS YOURS? Matthew 'Mathwiz' Wisner In my head, I can see this entire conversation playing out. Mr. Rogers: That is an impressive hammer that you have there. Would it be okay if I held it? Thor: You may certainly try, Sir Rogers of the hood. R: Is it very heavy? T: There are many who find unmovable. R: How interesting. It doesn't seem very heavy to me R: But you know, sometimes life is a lot like that. Something that may be very easy for one person may be very difficult for another. Have you found this to be true? T: Um... yes. Yes, I have. R: Do you know why that is? T: *looks at Rogers curiously* R: I think that it's because everyone is special and unique in different ways. Just because someone has difficulty lifting your hammer, doesn't mean that they are not talented in other ways. In fact, I suspect that those individuals can probably do things that you and I would never dream of. T: *nods* That is true. You are very wise, Sir Rogers. I am humbled by your counsel. R: And I am so glad that you decided to visit today. <p><a href="http://artsyneurotic.tumblr.com/post/176355271580/miss-madam-404-doingthingswithabby" class="tumblr_blog">artsyneurotic</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a href="https://miss-madam-404.tumblr.com/post/176347507863/doingthingswithabby-basement-prussia" class="tumblr_blog">miss-madam-404</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://doingthingswithabby.tumblr.com/post/176347451736/basement-prussia-officialprydonchapter" class="tumblr_blog">doingthingswithabby</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://basement-prussia.tumblr.com/post/176347122427/officialprydonchapter-temporalnocturne" class="tumblr_blog">basement-prussia</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://officialprydonchapter.tumblr.com/post/175962359981/temporalnocturne" class="tumblr_blog">officialprydonchapter</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a class="tumblelog" href="https://tmblr.co/mtOYHS6VTr-NQAlLP05He7A">@temporalnocturne</a></p></blockquote> <p><a class="tumblelog" href="https://tmblr.co/m_5SB9hO2XEq1MejkSeoLMA">@daphenomenal-1</a> </p> </blockquote> <p>if I don’t reblog this, assume I’m dead.</p> </blockquote> <p>same</p> </blockquote> <p>There’s no doubt in my mind he’d be able to wield it… <b>easily</b>, even.</p> </blockquote> <p>I actually have a damn tear in my eye</p>

artsyneurotic: miss-madam-404: doingthingswithabby: basement-prussia: officialprydonchapter: @temporalnocturne @daphenomenal-1 if I do...

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Being Alone, Family, and Parents: Balloon Boy The Untold Stor <p><a href="https://ren-of-rationality.tumblr.com/post/176000159280/libertarirynn-this-is-mind-blowing-theres-a" class="tumblr_blog">ren-of-rationality</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a href="https://libertarirynn.tumblr.com/post/175977121284/this-is-mind-blowing-theres-a-good-chance" class="tumblr_blog">libertarirynn</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>This is mind blowing. There’s a good chance “Balloon Boy” from back in 2009 wasn’t actually an intentional hoax at all and this family got screwed over by the justice system and lied about by the media 😳</p> <p>Follow up: <a href="https://youtu.be/Axgyj7g5XZY">https://youtu.be/Axgyj7g5XZY</a></p> </blockquote> <p>I don’t know, I always thought that the most damning evidence against them was the kid’s slip up during the interview, which interestingly enough is the evidence he seemed to gloss over more than the others.  The excuse given by this kid wasn’t just “not a great excuse” it makes no sense.  </p> <p>The kid states that someone asked him vaguely “so what happened about this balloon thing” shortly after he’d spoken to someone else about where he was hiding.  That’s not what happened though, when this kid slips up his parents asked him, “Didn’t you hear us calling for you?” then when he nods yes, they ask “well why didn’t you come out?”  Then the kids answers, “<b>You guys said</b>, we did this for the show.” </p> <figure class="tmblr-embed tmblr-full" data-provider="youtube" data-orig-width="459" data-orig-height="344" data-url="https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2FwI6UONWCq7A"><iframe width="540" height="405" id="youtube_iframe" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/wI6UONWCq7A?feature=oembed&amp;enablejsapi=1&amp;origin=https://safe.txmblr.com&amp;wmode=opaque" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></figure><p>All of which is very different than what the kid’s saying happened in his later excuse. </p> </blockquote> <p>Yes and the video addresses this. It is a weird slip but being that it’s pretty much the only evidence that still stands up and it *is* still the word of a sleep deprived six-year-old who may not have even fully understood the question, especially since they *have* been on shows before, I don’t think that alone is enough to show beyond reasonable doubt that’s a hoax.</p>

ren-of-rationality: libertarirynn: This is mind blowing. There’s a good chance “Balloon Boy” from back in 2009 wasn’t actually an intention...

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