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        honestmerchantsailor:
passivity:
Would also be really annoying if they wore heat resistant gloves to throw back the hot tear gas canisters and if this got shared to all those protesting…
Would be a further shame if people started covering cameras (as seen in Hong Kong, with protestors using poles and rakes to lift cardboard boxes over security cameras), blinding drone optics with laser pointers, and flooding police-run reporting apps with junk data.
It would be a shame if the protesters noted that plainclothes cops can be identified a number of ways, such as wearing steel-toed boots; an armband or wristband of a particular color; driving white, black, or dark blue cars with concealed lights; or having the outline of cuffs visible in the back pocket or the bumps of an armor vest’s shoulder straps under their shirt.
It would be a shame if the protesters began making their signs out of inch-thick plywood to stop rubber bullets, forming a tight shield wall to prevent police from singling out and mobbing individual protesters. It would be a shame if the people behind the shield wall held up umbrellas so that tear gas canisters fired over the heads of the front line will be bounced away. It would be a shame if protesters began constructing improvised armor vests out of duct tape, hardback books, and ceramic tiles.
It would be a shame if protesters started wearing safety glasses, hard hats, respirators, and gardening gloves, all of which can be found at the same hardware stores as the plywood. It would be a shame if they started using traffic cones (the kind without the hole in the top) upside-down buckets, or other improvised lids to contain tear gas by placing them over the canisters.
It would be a shame if protesters learned that police scanners are legal to own in the US, allowing them to learn where police are moving and what routes they intend to take. It would be a shame if they discovered that these scanners can be used to send as well as receive, allowing them to flood the scanner frequencies with noise.
All this would be a terrible, terrible shame.
: honestmerchantsailor:
passivity:
Would also be really annoying if they wore heat resistant gloves to throw back the hot tear gas canisters and if this got shared to all those protesting…
Would be a further shame if people started covering cameras (as seen in Hong Kong, with protestors using poles and rakes to lift cardboard boxes over security cameras), blinding drone optics with laser pointers, and flooding police-run reporting apps with junk data.
It would be a shame if the protesters noted that plainclothes cops can be identified a number of ways, such as wearing steel-toed boots; an armband or wristband of a particular color; driving white, black, or dark blue cars with concealed lights; or having the outline of cuffs visible in the back pocket or the bumps of an armor vest’s shoulder straps under their shirt.
It would be a shame if the protesters began making their signs out of inch-thick plywood to stop rubber bullets, forming a tight shield wall to prevent police from singling out and mobbing individual protesters. It would be a shame if the people behind the shield wall held up umbrellas so that tear gas canisters fired over the heads of the front line will be bounced away. It would be a shame if protesters began constructing improvised armor vests out of duct tape, hardback books, and ceramic tiles.
It would be a shame if protesters started wearing safety glasses, hard hats, respirators, and gardening gloves, all of which can be found at the same hardware stores as the plywood. It would be a shame if they started using traffic cones (the kind without the hole in the top) upside-down buckets, or other improvised lids to contain tear gas by placing them over the canisters.
It would be a shame if protesters learned that police scanners are legal to own in the US, allowing them to learn where police are moving and what routes they intend to take. It would be a shame if they discovered that these scanners can be used to send as well as receive, allowing them to flood the scanner frequencies with noise.
All this would be a terrible, terrible shame.

        

            
            

                
                
                    honestmerchantsailor:
passivity:
Would also be really annoying if they wore heat resistant gloves to throw back the hot tear gas canisters and if this got shared to all those protesting…
Would be a further shame if people started covering cameras (as seen in Hong Kong, with protestors using poles and rakes to lift cardboard boxes over security cameras), blinding drone optics with laser pointers, and flooding police-run reporting apps with junk data.
It would be a shame if the protesters noted that plainclothes cops can be identified a number of ways, such as wearing steel-toed boots; an armband or wristband of a particular color; driving white, black, or dark blue cars with concealed lights; or having the outline of cuffs visible in the back pocket or the bumps of an armor vest’s shoulder straps under their shirt.
It would be a shame if the protesters began making their signs out of inch-thick plywood to stop rubber bullets, forming a tight shield wall to prevent police from singling out and mobbing individual protesters. It would be a shame if the people behind the shield wall held up umbrellas so that tear gas canisters fired over the heads of the front line will be bounced away. It would be a shame if protesters began constructing improvised armor vests out of duct tape, hardback books, and ceramic tiles.
It would be a shame if protesters started wearing safety glasses, hard hats, respirators, and gardening gloves, all of which can be found at the same hardware stores as the plywood. It would be a shame if they started using traffic cones (the kind without the hole in the top) upside-down buckets, or other improvised lids to contain tear gas by placing them over the canisters.
It would be a shame if protesters learned that police scanners are legal to own in the US, allowing them to learn where police are moving and what routes they intend to take. It would be a shame if they discovered that these scanners can be used to send as well as receive, allowing them to flood the scanner frequencies with noise.
All this would be a terrible, terrible shame.
: honestmerchantsailor:
passivity:
Would also be really annoying if they wore heat resistant gloves to throw back the hot tear gas canisters and if this got shared to all those protesting…
Would be a further shame if people started covering cameras (as seen in Hong Kong, with protestors using poles and rakes to lift cardboard boxes over security cameras), blinding drone optics with laser pointers, and flooding police-run reporting apps with junk data.
It would be a shame if the protesters noted that plainclothes cops can be identified a number of ways, such as wearing steel-toed boots; an armband or wristband of a particular color; driving white, black, or dark blue cars with concealed lights; or having the outline of cuffs visible in the back pocket or the bumps of an armor vest’s shoulder straps under their shirt.
It would be a shame if the protesters began making their signs out of inch-thick plywood to stop rubber bullets, forming a tight shield wall to prevent police from singling out and mobbing individual protesters. It would be a shame if the people behind the shield wall held up umbrellas so that tear gas canisters fired over the heads of the front line will be bounced away. It would be a shame if protesters began constructing improvised armor vests out of duct tape, hardback books, and ceramic tiles.
It would be a shame if protesters started wearing safety glasses, hard hats, respirators, and gardening gloves, all of which can be found at the same hardware stores as the plywood. It would be a shame if they started using traffic cones (the kind without the hole in the top) upside-down buckets, or other improvised lids to contain tear gas by placing them over the canisters.
It would be a shame if protesters learned that police scanners are legal to own in the US, allowing them to learn where police are moving and what routes they intend to take. It would be a shame if they discovered that these scanners can be used to send as well as receive, allowing them to flood the scanner frequencies with noise.
All this would be a terrible, terrible shame.

                    
                
            

            
                
                
honestmerchantsailor:
passivity:
Would also be really annoying if they wore heat resistant gloves to throw back the hot tear gas canister...

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        caitas-cooing:

wendell-or-something:
honestmerchantsailor:

passivity:
Would also be really annoying if they wore heat resistant gloves to throw back the hot tear gas canisters and if this got shared to all those protesting…
Would be a further shame if people started covering cameras (as seen in Hong Kong, with protestors using poles and rakes to lift cardboard boxes over security cameras), blinding drone optics with laser pointers, and flooding police-run reporting apps with junk data.
It would be a shame if the protesters noted that plainclothes cops can be identified a number of ways, such as wearing steel-toed boots; an armband or wristband of a particular color; driving white, black, or dark blue cars with concealed lights; or having the outline of cuffs visible in the back pocket or the bumps of an armor vest’s shoulder straps under their shirt.
It would be a shame if the protesters began making their signs out of inch-thick plywood to stop rubber bullets, forming a tight shield wall to prevent police from singling out and mobbing individual protesters. It would be a shame if the people behind the shield wall held up umbrellas so that tear gas canisters fired over the heads of the front line will be bounced away. It would be a shame if protesters began constructing improvised armor vests out of duct tape, hardback books, and ceramic tiles.
It would be a shame if protesters started wearing safety glasses, hard hats, respirators, and gardening gloves, all of which can be found at the same hardware stores as the plywood. It would be a shame if they started using traffic cones (the kind without the hole in the top) upside-down buckets, or other improvised lids to contain tear gas by placing them over the canisters.
It would be a shame if protesters learned that police scanners are legal to own in the US, allowing them to learn where police are moving and what routes they intend to take. It would be a shame if they discovered that these scanners can be used to send as well as receive, allowing them to flood the scanner frequencies with noise.
All this would be a terrible, terrible shame.



a word of caution about the plywood though… I just reblogged a post earlier today saying that if a rubber bullet hits that and shatters it, the splinters can put you in more danger. depending on how you’re holding it up, it can also damage your arm if you’ve strapped it on somehow, and carrying a shield can make you a target for them to shoot things at, so it might actually be safer on the whole if you don’t try to construct a shield, counter intuitive though that may seem.



It’d be a shame if I reblogged this and people read it: caitas-cooing:

wendell-or-something:
honestmerchantsailor:

passivity:
Would also be really annoying if they wore heat resistant gloves to throw back the hot tear gas canisters and if this got shared to all those protesting…
Would be a further shame if people started covering cameras (as seen in Hong Kong, with protestors using poles and rakes to lift cardboard boxes over security cameras), blinding drone optics with laser pointers, and flooding police-run reporting apps with junk data.
It would be a shame if the protesters noted that plainclothes cops can be identified a number of ways, such as wearing steel-toed boots; an armband or wristband of a particular color; driving white, black, or dark blue cars with concealed lights; or having the outline of cuffs visible in the back pocket or the bumps of an armor vest’s shoulder straps under their shirt.
It would be a shame if the protesters began making their signs out of inch-thick plywood to stop rubber bullets, forming a tight shield wall to prevent police from singling out and mobbing individual protesters. It would be a shame if the people behind the shield wall held up umbrellas so that tear gas canisters fired over the heads of the front line will be bounced away. It would be a shame if protesters began constructing improvised armor vests out of duct tape, hardback books, and ceramic tiles.
It would be a shame if protesters started wearing safety glasses, hard hats, respirators, and gardening gloves, all of which can be found at the same hardware stores as the plywood. It would be a shame if they started using traffic cones (the kind without the hole in the top) upside-down buckets, or other improvised lids to contain tear gas by placing them over the canisters.
It would be a shame if protesters learned that police scanners are legal to own in the US, allowing them to learn where police are moving and what routes they intend to take. It would be a shame if they discovered that these scanners can be used to send as well as receive, allowing them to flood the scanner frequencies with noise.
All this would be a terrible, terrible shame.



a word of caution about the plywood though… I just reblogged a post earlier today saying that if a rubber bullet hits that and shatters it, the splinters can put you in more danger. depending on how you’re holding it up, it can also damage your arm if you’ve strapped it on somehow, and carrying a shield can make you a target for them to shoot things at, so it might actually be safer on the whole if you don’t try to construct a shield, counter intuitive though that may seem.



It’d be a shame if I reblogged this and people read it
        

            
            

                
                
                    caitas-cooing:

wendell-or-something:
honestmerchantsailor:

passivity:
Would also be really annoying if they wore heat resistant gloves to throw back the hot tear gas canisters and if this got shared to all those protesting…
Would be a further shame if people started covering cameras (as seen in Hong Kong, with protestors using poles and rakes to lift cardboard boxes over security cameras), blinding drone optics with laser pointers, and flooding police-run reporting apps with junk data.
It would be a shame if the protesters noted that plainclothes cops can be identified a number of ways, such as wearing steel-toed boots; an armband or wristband of a particular color; driving white, black, or dark blue cars with concealed lights; or having the outline of cuffs visible in the back pocket or the bumps of an armor vest’s shoulder straps under their shirt.
It would be a shame if the protesters began making their signs out of inch-thick plywood to stop rubber bullets, forming a tight shield wall to prevent police from singling out and mobbing individual protesters. It would be a shame if the people behind the shield wall held up umbrellas so that tear gas canisters fired over the heads of the front line will be bounced away. It would be a shame if protesters began constructing improvised armor vests out of duct tape, hardback books, and ceramic tiles.
It would be a shame if protesters started wearing safety glasses, hard hats, respirators, and gardening gloves, all of which can be found at the same hardware stores as the plywood. It would be a shame if they started using traffic cones (the kind without the hole in the top) upside-down buckets, or other improvised lids to contain tear gas by placing them over the canisters.
It would be a shame if protesters learned that police scanners are legal to own in the US, allowing them to learn where police are moving and what routes they intend to take. It would be a shame if they discovered that these scanners can be used to send as well as receive, allowing them to flood the scanner frequencies with noise.
All this would be a terrible, terrible shame.



a word of caution about the plywood though… I just reblogged a post earlier today saying that if a rubber bullet hits that and shatters it, the splinters can put you in more danger. depending on how you’re holding it up, it can also damage your arm if you’ve strapped it on somehow, and carrying a shield can make you a target for them to shoot things at, so it might actually be safer on the whole if you don’t try to construct a shield, counter intuitive though that may seem.



It’d be a shame if I reblogged this and people read it: caitas-cooing:

wendell-or-something:
honestmerchantsailor:

passivity:
Would also be really annoying if they wore heat resistant gloves to throw back the hot tear gas canisters and if this got shared to all those protesting…
Would be a further shame if people started covering cameras (as seen in Hong Kong, with protestors using poles and rakes to lift cardboard boxes over security cameras), blinding drone optics with laser pointers, and flooding police-run reporting apps with junk data.
It would be a shame if the protesters noted that plainclothes cops can be identified a number of ways, such as wearing steel-toed boots; an armband or wristband of a particular color; driving white, black, or dark blue cars with concealed lights; or having the outline of cuffs visible in the back pocket or the bumps of an armor vest’s shoulder straps under their shirt.
It would be a shame if the protesters began making their signs out of inch-thick plywood to stop rubber bullets, forming a tight shield wall to prevent police from singling out and mobbing individual protesters. It would be a shame if the people behind the shield wall held up umbrellas so that tear gas canisters fired over the heads of the front line will be bounced away. It would be a shame if protesters began constructing improvised armor vests out of duct tape, hardback books, and ceramic tiles.
It would be a shame if protesters started wearing safety glasses, hard hats, respirators, and gardening gloves, all of which can be found at the same hardware stores as the plywood. It would be a shame if they started using traffic cones (the kind without the hole in the top) upside-down buckets, or other improvised lids to contain tear gas by placing them over the canisters.
It would be a shame if protesters learned that police scanners are legal to own in the US, allowing them to learn where police are moving and what routes they intend to take. It would be a shame if they discovered that these scanners can be used to send as well as receive, allowing them to flood the scanner frequencies with noise.
All this would be a terrible, terrible shame.



a word of caution about the plywood though… I just reblogged a post earlier today saying that if a rubber bullet hits that and shatters it, the splinters can put you in more danger. depending on how you’re holding it up, it can also damage your arm if you’ve strapped it on somehow, and carrying a shield can make you a target for them to shoot things at, so it might actually be safer on the whole if you don’t try to construct a shield, counter intuitive though that may seem.



It’d be a shame if I reblogged this and people read it
                    
                
            

            
                
                
caitas-cooing:

wendell-or-something:
honestmerchantsailor:

passivity:
Would also be really annoying if they wore heat resistant gloves...

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        honestmerchantsailor:

passivity:
Would also be really annoying if they wore heat resistant gloves to throw back the hot tear gas canisters and if this got shared to all those protesting…
Would be a further shame if people started covering cameras (as seen in Hong Kong, with protestors using poles and rakes to lift cardboard boxes over security cameras), blinding drone optics with laser pointers, and flooding police-run reporting apps with junk data.
It would be a shame if the protesters noted that plainclothes cops can be identified a number of ways, such as wearing steel-toed boots; an armband or wristband of a particular color; driving white, black, or dark blue cars with concealed lights; or having the outline of cuffs visible in the back pocket or the bumps of an armor vest’s shoulder straps under their shirt.
It would be a shame if the protesters began making their signs out of inch-thick plywood to stop rubber bullets, forming a tight shield wall to prevent police from singling out and mobbing individual protesters. It would be a shame if the people behind the shield wall held up umbrellas so that tear gas canisters fired over the heads of the front line will be bounced away. It would be a shame if protesters began constructing improvised armor vests out of duct tape, hardback books, and ceramic tiles.
It would be a shame if protesters started wearing safety glasses, hard hats, respirators, and gardening gloves, all of which can be found at the same hardware stores as the plywood. It would be a shame if they started using traffic cones (the kind without the hole in the top) upside-down buckets, or other improvised lids to contain tear gas by placing them over the canisters.
It would be a shame if protesters learned that police scanners are legal to own in the US, allowing them to learn where police are moving and what routes they intend to take. It would be a shame if they discovered that these scanners can be used to send as well as receive, allowing them to flood the scanner frequencies with noise.
All this would be a terrible, terrible shame.
: honestmerchantsailor:

passivity:
Would also be really annoying if they wore heat resistant gloves to throw back the hot tear gas canisters and if this got shared to all those protesting…
Would be a further shame if people started covering cameras (as seen in Hong Kong, with protestors using poles and rakes to lift cardboard boxes over security cameras), blinding drone optics with laser pointers, and flooding police-run reporting apps with junk data.
It would be a shame if the protesters noted that plainclothes cops can be identified a number of ways, such as wearing steel-toed boots; an armband or wristband of a particular color; driving white, black, or dark blue cars with concealed lights; or having the outline of cuffs visible in the back pocket or the bumps of an armor vest’s shoulder straps under their shirt.
It would be a shame if the protesters began making their signs out of inch-thick plywood to stop rubber bullets, forming a tight shield wall to prevent police from singling out and mobbing individual protesters. It would be a shame if the people behind the shield wall held up umbrellas so that tear gas canisters fired over the heads of the front line will be bounced away. It would be a shame if protesters began constructing improvised armor vests out of duct tape, hardback books, and ceramic tiles.
It would be a shame if protesters started wearing safety glasses, hard hats, respirators, and gardening gloves, all of which can be found at the same hardware stores as the plywood. It would be a shame if they started using traffic cones (the kind without the hole in the top) upside-down buckets, or other improvised lids to contain tear gas by placing them over the canisters.
It would be a shame if protesters learned that police scanners are legal to own in the US, allowing them to learn where police are moving and what routes they intend to take. It would be a shame if they discovered that these scanners can be used to send as well as receive, allowing them to flood the scanner frequencies with noise.
All this would be a terrible, terrible shame.

        

            
            

                
                
                    honestmerchantsailor:

passivity:
Would also be really annoying if they wore heat resistant gloves to throw back the hot tear gas canisters and if this got shared to all those protesting…
Would be a further shame if people started covering cameras (as seen in Hong Kong, with protestors using poles and rakes to lift cardboard boxes over security cameras), blinding drone optics with laser pointers, and flooding police-run reporting apps with junk data.
It would be a shame if the protesters noted that plainclothes cops can be identified a number of ways, such as wearing steel-toed boots; an armband or wristband of a particular color; driving white, black, or dark blue cars with concealed lights; or having the outline of cuffs visible in the back pocket or the bumps of an armor vest’s shoulder straps under their shirt.
It would be a shame if the protesters began making their signs out of inch-thick plywood to stop rubber bullets, forming a tight shield wall to prevent police from singling out and mobbing individual protesters. It would be a shame if the people behind the shield wall held up umbrellas so that tear gas canisters fired over the heads of the front line will be bounced away. It would be a shame if protesters began constructing improvised armor vests out of duct tape, hardback books, and ceramic tiles.
It would be a shame if protesters started wearing safety glasses, hard hats, respirators, and gardening gloves, all of which can be found at the same hardware stores as the plywood. It would be a shame if they started using traffic cones (the kind without the hole in the top) upside-down buckets, or other improvised lids to contain tear gas by placing them over the canisters.
It would be a shame if protesters learned that police scanners are legal to own in the US, allowing them to learn where police are moving and what routes they intend to take. It would be a shame if they discovered that these scanners can be used to send as well as receive, allowing them to flood the scanner frequencies with noise.
All this would be a terrible, terrible shame.
: honestmerchantsailor:

passivity:
Would also be really annoying if they wore heat resistant gloves to throw back the hot tear gas canisters and if this got shared to all those protesting…
Would be a further shame if people started covering cameras (as seen in Hong Kong, with protestors using poles and rakes to lift cardboard boxes over security cameras), blinding drone optics with laser pointers, and flooding police-run reporting apps with junk data.
It would be a shame if the protesters noted that plainclothes cops can be identified a number of ways, such as wearing steel-toed boots; an armband or wristband of a particular color; driving white, black, or dark blue cars with concealed lights; or having the outline of cuffs visible in the back pocket or the bumps of an armor vest’s shoulder straps under their shirt.
It would be a shame if the protesters began making their signs out of inch-thick plywood to stop rubber bullets, forming a tight shield wall to prevent police from singling out and mobbing individual protesters. It would be a shame if the people behind the shield wall held up umbrellas so that tear gas canisters fired over the heads of the front line will be bounced away. It would be a shame if protesters began constructing improvised armor vests out of duct tape, hardback books, and ceramic tiles.
It would be a shame if protesters started wearing safety glasses, hard hats, respirators, and gardening gloves, all of which can be found at the same hardware stores as the plywood. It would be a shame if they started using traffic cones (the kind without the hole in the top) upside-down buckets, or other improvised lids to contain tear gas by placing them over the canisters.
It would be a shame if protesters learned that police scanners are legal to own in the US, allowing them to learn where police are moving and what routes they intend to take. It would be a shame if they discovered that these scanners can be used to send as well as receive, allowing them to flood the scanner frequencies with noise.
All this would be a terrible, terrible shame.

                    
                
            

            
                
                
honestmerchantsailor:

passivity:
Would also be really annoying if they wore heat resistant gloves to throw back the hot tear gas caniste...

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        rubitrightintomyeyes:

theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.
“I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.”
“I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.”
Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.
In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix.
Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.
“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”
“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.”
Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.
“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.”
While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.
“I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath & Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.”
“I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added.
At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.


: rubitrightintomyeyes:

theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.
“I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.”
“I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.”
Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.
In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix.
Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.
“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”
“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.”
Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.
“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.”
While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.
“I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath & Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.”
“I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added.
At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.



        

            
            

                
                
                    rubitrightintomyeyes:

theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.
“I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.”
“I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.”
Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.
In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix.
Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.
“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”
“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.”
Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.
“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.”
While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.
“I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath & Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.”
“I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added.
At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.


: rubitrightintomyeyes:

theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.
“I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.”
“I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.”
Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.
In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix.
Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.
“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”
“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.”
Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.
“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.”
While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.
“I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath & Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.”
“I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added.
At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.



                    
                
            

            
                
                
rubitrightintomyeyes:

theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full...

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
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        howdidthisevenhappenanyway:
ninety6tears:

roguetelemetry:


nekoama:


prokopetz:


ultrafacts:

bryarly:

foxfairy5:

ultrafacts:

Source More Facts

Yes this could have to do with the fact that Freya the Norse Goddess of love, beauty and fertility drove a chariot pulled by cats.

So, if I ever get married, I fully expect a catmobile. 

One of the other reasons why they gave cats to each other was for their valuable skills as mousers. Cats were able to control rodent populations around their properties.
Also, Norse myths are thought to have the earliest literary descriptions of the Norwegian Forest Cat. They were described as large, strong cats that drew Freya’s chariot and were so heavy that not even Thor, God of Thunder, could lift them from the floor. (Source)

They kinda live up to the legend, too. Your average Norwegian Forest Cat is twenty pounds of solid muscle, with claws large and strong enough to climb solid rock. They’ve been known to attack bears when defending their territory. And yet they’re one of the cuddliest breeds out there, particularly noted for being patient with small children.


I have a Norwegian mix, and can attest that she is the cuddliest cat but also insane enough to try and fight a bear.


Viking cats “FIGHT ME”


Whosoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, still could not lift this cat.


I always love it when this post comes round because a) giant kitties who Thor can’t lift and b) that picture omg boar riding and flower throwing is a good thing 
: The Vikings would give kittens to
 newlywed brides as an essential
 part of a new household.
 Ultrafacts.tumblr.com
howdidthisevenhappenanyway:
ninety6tears:

roguetelemetry:


nekoama:


prokopetz:


ultrafacts:

bryarly:

foxfairy5:

ultrafacts:

Source More Facts

Yes this could have to do with the fact that Freya the Norse Goddess of love, beauty and fertility drove a chariot pulled by cats.

So, if I ever get married, I fully expect a catmobile. 

One of the other reasons why they gave cats to each other was for their valuable skills as mousers. Cats were able to control rodent populations around their properties.
Also, Norse myths are thought to have the earliest literary descriptions of the Norwegian Forest Cat. They were described as large, strong cats that drew Freya’s chariot and were so heavy that not even Thor, God of Thunder, could lift them from the floor. (Source)

They kinda live up to the legend, too. Your average Norwegian Forest Cat is twenty pounds of solid muscle, with claws large and strong enough to climb solid rock. They’ve been known to attack bears when defending their territory. And yet they’re one of the cuddliest breeds out there, particularly noted for being patient with small children.


I have a Norwegian mix, and can attest that she is the cuddliest cat but also insane enough to try and fight a bear.


Viking cats “FIGHT ME”


Whosoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, still could not lift this cat.


I always love it when this post comes round because a) giant kitties who Thor can’t lift and b) that picture omg boar riding and flower throwing is a good thing 

        

            
            

                
                
                    howdidthisevenhappenanyway:
ninety6tears:

roguetelemetry:


nekoama:


prokopetz:


ultrafacts:

bryarly:

foxfairy5:

ultrafacts:

Source More Facts

Yes this could have to do with the fact that Freya the Norse Goddess of love, beauty and fertility drove a chariot pulled by cats.

So, if I ever get married, I fully expect a catmobile. 

One of the other reasons why they gave cats to each other was for their valuable skills as mousers. Cats were able to control rodent populations around their properties.
Also, Norse myths are thought to have the earliest literary descriptions of the Norwegian Forest Cat. They were described as large, strong cats that drew Freya’s chariot and were so heavy that not even Thor, God of Thunder, could lift them from the floor. (Source)

They kinda live up to the legend, too. Your average Norwegian Forest Cat is twenty pounds of solid muscle, with claws large and strong enough to climb solid rock. They’ve been known to attack bears when defending their territory. And yet they’re one of the cuddliest breeds out there, particularly noted for being patient with small children.


I have a Norwegian mix, and can attest that she is the cuddliest cat but also insane enough to try and fight a bear.


Viking cats “FIGHT ME”


Whosoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, still could not lift this cat.


I always love it when this post comes round because a) giant kitties who Thor can’t lift and b) that picture omg boar riding and flower throwing is a good thing 
: The Vikings would give kittens to
 newlywed brides as an essential
 part of a new household.
 Ultrafacts.tumblr.com
howdidthisevenhappenanyway:
ninety6tears:

roguetelemetry:


nekoama:


prokopetz:


ultrafacts:

bryarly:

foxfairy5:

ultrafacts:

Source More Facts

Yes this could have to do with the fact that Freya the Norse Goddess of love, beauty and fertility drove a chariot pulled by cats.

So, if I ever get married, I fully expect a catmobile. 

One of the other reasons why they gave cats to each other was for their valuable skills as mousers. Cats were able to control rodent populations around their properties.
Also, Norse myths are thought to have the earliest literary descriptions of the Norwegian Forest Cat. They were described as large, strong cats that drew Freya’s chariot and were so heavy that not even Thor, God of Thunder, could lift them from the floor. (Source)

They kinda live up to the legend, too. Your average Norwegian Forest Cat is twenty pounds of solid muscle, with claws large and strong enough to climb solid rock. They’ve been known to attack bears when defending their territory. And yet they’re one of the cuddliest breeds out there, particularly noted for being patient with small children.


I have a Norwegian mix, and can attest that she is the cuddliest cat but also insane enough to try and fight a bear.


Viking cats “FIGHT ME”


Whosoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, still could not lift this cat.


I always love it when this post comes round because a) giant kitties who Thor can’t lift and b) that picture omg boar riding and flower throwing is a good thing 

                    
                
            

            
                
                
howdidthisevenhappenanyway:
ninety6tears:

roguetelemetry:


nekoama:


prokopetz:


ultrafacts:

bryarly:

foxfairy5:

ultrafacts:

Sour...

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        solarpunkarchivist:

sanscarte:

branwyn-says:

lifehacksthatwork:
Signs of a heart attack are different for each gender yet we only really teach the male warning signs. Make sure you’re aware of both and spread it to as many other women as possible!
EVERY SINGLE TIME I HAVE TAKEN A CPR CLASS I have had to be that person who points out that the training videos ALWAYS frame the “male” symptoms as the default universal heart attack experience, while the “female” symptoms are framed as though they’re a deviation from the norm, rather than the primary symptom set that cis women experience. 
ALSO: I just showed this post to my roommate, who is an MD at a clinic that specializes in care for the LGBT community in the Baltimore area. I asked her  whether hormones were responsible for the difference in the “male/female” symptom arrays. I asked how that would apply to her trans patients (which, she treats a LOT of trans patients). She said, basically, that the longer you’ve taken testosterone the more likely you are to get the intense chest pressure and the arm pain, versus the upper back pressure and shortness of breath.
Obviously I am not a doctor myself, consult your own health care provider, etc.


Reblogging this comment because this is the FIRST TIME I’ve ever seen someone address what XYZ medical condition would look like in trans patients.  Also this is partly why my great-grandma died: the (male) doctor dismissed her heart attack as basically indigestion, because she didn’t have the typical male symptoms.

Oh my God someone was able to answer the trans patient question!
: Heart Attack Warning Signs
 A guide to better understand heart attack warning signs
 from Marshfield Clinic & Shine3bs
 Women
 Lightheadedness
 or dizziness
 Men
 Cold sweat or nausea
 Upper back pressure
 Chest pressure
 or pain
 Chest pressure
 Shortness of breath
 Shortness of breath
 Pain in one or both
 arms, the back, neck,
 jaw or stomach
 Pain in one or both
 arms, the back, neck
 jaw or stomach
 Fainting or
 extreme fatigue
 If you have any of these
 5
 symptoms for more than
 5 minutes and are unsure of
 Women might not experience the chest
 pain that is often noted as the most
 common sign of heart attack.
 the cause, call 9-1-1.
 Treatments work best if given
 Some women who have had heart
 within 1 hour of when heart
 attacks say they thought they had the
 symptoms associated with the flu
 attack symptoms begin.
 Experts at
 Heart
 Marshfield Clinic
solarpunkarchivist:

sanscarte:

branwyn-says:

lifehacksthatwork:
Signs of a heart attack are different for each gender yet we only really teach the male warning signs. Make sure you’re aware of both and spread it to as many other women as possible!
EVERY SINGLE TIME I HAVE TAKEN A CPR CLASS I have had to be that person who points out that the training videos ALWAYS frame the “male” symptoms as the default universal heart attack experience, while the “female” symptoms are framed as though they’re a deviation from the norm, rather than the primary symptom set that cis women experience. 
ALSO: I just showed this post to my roommate, who is an MD at a clinic that specializes in care for the LGBT community in the Baltimore area. I asked her  whether hormones were responsible for the difference in the “male/female” symptom arrays. I asked how that would apply to her trans patients (which, she treats a LOT of trans patients). She said, basically, that the longer you’ve taken testosterone the more likely you are to get the intense chest pressure and the arm pain, versus the upper back pressure and shortness of breath.
Obviously I am not a doctor myself, consult your own health care provider, etc.


Reblogging this comment because this is the FIRST TIME I’ve ever seen someone address what XYZ medical condition would look like in trans patients.  Also this is partly why my great-grandma died: the (male) doctor dismissed her heart attack as basically indigestion, because she didn’t have the typical male symptoms.

Oh my God someone was able to answer the trans patient question!

        

            
            

                
                
                    solarpunkarchivist:

sanscarte:

branwyn-says:

lifehacksthatwork:
Signs of a heart attack are different for each gender yet we only really teach the male warning signs. Make sure you’re aware of both and spread it to as many other women as possible!
EVERY SINGLE TIME I HAVE TAKEN A CPR CLASS I have had to be that person who points out that the training videos ALWAYS frame the “male” symptoms as the default universal heart attack experience, while the “female” symptoms are framed as though they’re a deviation from the norm, rather than the primary symptom set that cis women experience. 
ALSO: I just showed this post to my roommate, who is an MD at a clinic that specializes in care for the LGBT community in the Baltimore area. I asked her  whether hormones were responsible for the difference in the “male/female” symptom arrays. I asked how that would apply to her trans patients (which, she treats a LOT of trans patients). She said, basically, that the longer you’ve taken testosterone the more likely you are to get the intense chest pressure and the arm pain, versus the upper back pressure and shortness of breath.
Obviously I am not a doctor myself, consult your own health care provider, etc.


Reblogging this comment because this is the FIRST TIME I’ve ever seen someone address what XYZ medical condition would look like in trans patients.  Also this is partly why my great-grandma died: the (male) doctor dismissed her heart attack as basically indigestion, because she didn’t have the typical male symptoms.

Oh my God someone was able to answer the trans patient question!
: Heart Attack Warning Signs
 A guide to better understand heart attack warning signs
 from Marshfield Clinic & Shine3bs
 Women
 Lightheadedness
 or dizziness
 Men
 Cold sweat or nausea
 Upper back pressure
 Chest pressure
 or pain
 Chest pressure
 Shortness of breath
 Shortness of breath
 Pain in one or both
 arms, the back, neck,
 jaw or stomach
 Pain in one or both
 arms, the back, neck
 jaw or stomach
 Fainting or
 extreme fatigue
 If you have any of these
 5
 symptoms for more than
 5 minutes and are unsure of
 Women might not experience the chest
 pain that is often noted as the most
 common sign of heart attack.
 the cause, call 9-1-1.
 Treatments work best if given
 Some women who have had heart
 within 1 hour of when heart
 attacks say they thought they had the
 symptoms associated with the flu
 attack symptoms begin.
 Experts at
 Heart
 Marshfield Clinic
solarpunkarchivist:

sanscarte:

branwyn-says:

lifehacksthatwork:
Signs of a heart attack are different for each gender yet we only really teach the male warning signs. Make sure you’re aware of both and spread it to as many other women as possible!
EVERY SINGLE TIME I HAVE TAKEN A CPR CLASS I have had to be that person who points out that the training videos ALWAYS frame the “male” symptoms as the default universal heart attack experience, while the “female” symptoms are framed as though they’re a deviation from the norm, rather than the primary symptom set that cis women experience. 
ALSO: I just showed this post to my roommate, who is an MD at a clinic that specializes in care for the LGBT community in the Baltimore area. I asked her  whether hormones were responsible for the difference in the “male/female” symptom arrays. I asked how that would apply to her trans patients (which, she treats a LOT of trans patients). She said, basically, that the longer you’ve taken testosterone the more likely you are to get the intense chest pressure and the arm pain, versus the upper back pressure and shortness of breath.
Obviously I am not a doctor myself, consult your own health care provider, etc.


Reblogging this comment because this is the FIRST TIME I’ve ever seen someone address what XYZ medical condition would look like in trans patients.  Also this is partly why my great-grandma died: the (male) doctor dismissed her heart attack as basically indigestion, because she didn’t have the typical male symptoms.

Oh my God someone was able to answer the trans patient question!

                    
                
            

            
                
                
solarpunkarchivist:

sanscarte:

branwyn-says:

lifehacksthatwork:
Signs of a heart attack are different for each gender yet we only real...

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        spaceconveyor:

feelingbluepolitics:


feelingbluepolitics:

catbirdseat4u:
➣  Go HERE for the dirt   — There’s plenty.
Highest recommendation.
https://theintercept.com/2019/08/27/amazon-rainforest-fire-blackstone/
“The companies have wrested control of land, deforested it, and helped build a controversial highway to their new terminal in the one-time jungle, all to facilitate the cultivation and export of grain and soybeans.”
“Schwarzman, a founder of Blackstone, owns roughly a fifth of the company, making him one of the world’s richest men. In 2018, he was paid at least $568 million, which was, in fact, a drop from the $786 million he made the year before. He has been generous toward McConnell and [t]rump with that wealth. In 2016, he gave $2.5 million to the Senate Leadership Fund, McConnell’s Super PAC and put Jim Breyer, McConnell’s billionaire brother-in-law, on the board of Blackstone. Two years later, Schwarzman kicked in $8 million to McConnell’s Super PAC. 
“Blackstone employees have given well over $10 million to McConnell and his Super PAC over the years, making them the biggest source of direct financing over McConnell’s career. McConnell’s Senate campaign declined to comment.
“Schwarzman is a close friend and adviser to [t]rump, and served as the chair of his Strategic and Policy Forum until it fell apart in the wake of the Charlottesville neo-Nazi rally, in which [t]rump famously praised 'very fine people, on both sides.’  In December 2017, as the final details of the GOP tax cut were being ironed out, Schwarzman hosted a $100,000-a-plate fundraiser for [t]rump. Some of [trump’s] dinner companions complained about the tax bill, and days later, [t]rump slashed the top percentage rate in the final package from 39.6 to 37. 
…"Bolsonaro has plans to pave significantly more roads in the Amazon that have otherwise been impassable much of the year, a project made feasible by international financing.
…"Of course, Hidrovias is also involved in paving B.R.-163 and other development projects in the region. Those projects, such as the paving of the highway, have additional indirect — though entirely predictable — consequences, as they spur side roads that make previously difficult-to-reach areas of the Amazon accessible for mining, logging, or further deforestation.
…"A Blackstone spokesperson noted that the fund only owns 9.3 percent* of Hidrovias. But that ignores the 55.8 percent of Hidrovias that is owned by Pátria Investimentos. On Hidrovias’s website, Pátria is described as a company ‘in partnership with Blackstone,’ and it is known in the financial industry to be a Blackstone company.”
*Pay no attention to claimed percentages of ownership.  What goes on behind ownership curtains is fluidly incestuous.  For example, from April 2019:
Blackstone Transfers 35% Stake in Brazil’s Alphaville Urbanismo to Pátria (em português)
“Blackstone transferred its 35% stake in Brazilian real estate developer Alphaville Urbanismo to its partner Pátria Investimentos. Blackstone and Pátria originally invested R$1.4b in June 2013 for a 70% stake in the company. The two firms formed a partnership in 2010 and Blackstone retains a 40% stake in Pátria.”
—–
Keep in mind, 
It’s not like this graft flows directly, or just one way.
Trump USDA is paying millions to a shady Brazilian meatpacking company under DOJ, SEC investigation
Brazil Subsidiary Hoovers Up $62 Million In Trump Trade War Aid Intended For Farmers

Every American farmer who has lost their Chinese market for soybeans – all of them – should be wondering how it was that trump “woke up” one morning with his idea of a trade war with China.  Had his close friend Schwartzman told trump the Brazilian road and terminal were ready?
There is no question that the Amazon rainforest is burning right now to open new farm land in order to meet China’s soybean market.


I wanted Blackstone to get fucked prior to this, now…now I want them to 
SUFFER. 
: Jason Hickel
 @jasonhickel
 This story is a real bombshell. Reporter Ryan Grim
 reveals that one of the biggest culprits of Amazon
 destruction is a US company, Blackstone, whose CEO
 is close friends with Trump and bankrolls the US
 Senate leader Republican Mitch McConnell
 A Top Financier of Trump and McConnell Is a Driving Force Behind Amazo...
 Steve Schwarzman is the CEO of the Blackstone Group, which partially owns
 a Brazilian firm that is helping transform the Amazon from jungle to ...
 theintercept.com
 3:27 AM Aug 28, 2019 Twitter Web App
 6.5K Likes
 6K Retweets
spaceconveyor:

feelingbluepolitics:


feelingbluepolitics:

catbirdseat4u:
➣  Go HERE for the dirt   — There’s plenty.
Highest recommendation.
https://theintercept.com/2019/08/27/amazon-rainforest-fire-blackstone/
“The companies have wrested control of land, deforested it, and helped build a controversial highway to their new terminal in the one-time jungle, all to facilitate the cultivation and export of grain and soybeans.”
“Schwarzman, a founder of Blackstone, owns roughly a fifth of the company, making him one of the world’s richest men. In 2018, he was paid at least $568 million, which was, in fact, a drop from the $786 million he made the year before. He has been generous toward McConnell and [t]rump with that wealth. In 2016, he gave $2.5 million to the Senate Leadership Fund, McConnell’s Super PAC and put Jim Breyer, McConnell’s billionaire brother-in-law, on the board of Blackstone. Two years later, Schwarzman kicked in $8 million to McConnell’s Super PAC. 
“Blackstone employees have given well over $10 million to McConnell and his Super PAC over the years, making them the biggest source of direct financing over McConnell’s career. McConnell’s Senate campaign declined to comment.
“Schwarzman is a close friend and adviser to [t]rump, and served as the chair of his Strategic and Policy Forum until it fell apart in the wake of the Charlottesville neo-Nazi rally, in which [t]rump famously praised 'very fine people, on both sides.’  In December 2017, as the final details of the GOP tax cut were being ironed out, Schwarzman hosted a $100,000-a-plate fundraiser for [t]rump. Some of [trump’s] dinner companions complained about the tax bill, and days later, [t]rump slashed the top percentage rate in the final package from 39.6 to 37. 
…"Bolsonaro has plans to pave significantly more roads in the Amazon that have otherwise been impassable much of the year, a project made feasible by international financing.
…"Of course, Hidrovias is also involved in paving B.R.-163 and other development projects in the region. Those projects, such as the paving of the highway, have additional indirect — though entirely predictable — consequences, as they spur side roads that make previously difficult-to-reach areas of the Amazon accessible for mining, logging, or further deforestation.
…"A Blackstone spokesperson noted that the fund only owns 9.3 percent* of Hidrovias. But that ignores the 55.8 percent of Hidrovias that is owned by Pátria Investimentos. On Hidrovias’s website, Pátria is described as a company ‘in partnership with Blackstone,’ and it is known in the financial industry to be a Blackstone company.”
*Pay no attention to claimed percentages of ownership.  What goes on behind ownership curtains is fluidly incestuous.  For example, from April 2019:
Blackstone Transfers 35% Stake in Brazil’s Alphaville Urbanismo to Pátria (em português)
“Blackstone transferred its 35% stake in Brazilian real estate developer Alphaville Urbanismo to its partner Pátria Investimentos. Blackstone and Pátria originally invested R$1.4b in June 2013 for a 70% stake in the company. The two firms formed a partnership in 2010 and Blackstone retains a 40% stake in Pátria.”
—–
Keep in mind, 
It’s not like this graft flows directly, or just one way.
Trump USDA is paying millions to a shady Brazilian meatpacking company under DOJ, SEC investigation
Brazil Subsidiary Hoovers Up $62 Million In Trump Trade War Aid Intended For Farmers

Every American farmer who has lost their Chinese market for soybeans – all of them – should be wondering how it was that trump “woke up” one morning with his idea of a trade war with China.  Had his close friend Schwartzman told trump the Brazilian road and terminal were ready?
There is no question that the Amazon rainforest is burning right now to open new farm land in order to meet China’s soybean market.


I wanted Blackstone to get fucked prior to this, now…now I want them to 
SUFFER. 

        

            
            

                
                
                    spaceconveyor:

feelingbluepolitics:


feelingbluepolitics:

catbirdseat4u:
➣  Go HERE for the dirt   — There’s plenty.
Highest recommendation.
https://theintercept.com/2019/08/27/amazon-rainforest-fire-blackstone/
“The companies have wrested control of land, deforested it, and helped build a controversial highway to their new terminal in the one-time jungle, all to facilitate the cultivation and export of grain and soybeans.”
“Schwarzman, a founder of Blackstone, owns roughly a fifth of the company, making him one of the world’s richest men. In 2018, he was paid at least $568 million, which was, in fact, a drop from the $786 million he made the year before. He has been generous toward McConnell and [t]rump with that wealth. In 2016, he gave $2.5 million to the Senate Leadership Fund, McConnell’s Super PAC and put Jim Breyer, McConnell’s billionaire brother-in-law, on the board of Blackstone. Two years later, Schwarzman kicked in $8 million to McConnell’s Super PAC. 
“Blackstone employees have given well over $10 million to McConnell and his Super PAC over the years, making them the biggest source of direct financing over McConnell’s career. McConnell’s Senate campaign declined to comment.
“Schwarzman is a close friend and adviser to [t]rump, and served as the chair of his Strategic and Policy Forum until it fell apart in the wake of the Charlottesville neo-Nazi rally, in which [t]rump famously praised 'very fine people, on both sides.’  In December 2017, as the final details of the GOP tax cut were being ironed out, Schwarzman hosted a $100,000-a-plate fundraiser for [t]rump. Some of [trump’s] dinner companions complained about the tax bill, and days later, [t]rump slashed the top percentage rate in the final package from 39.6 to 37. 
…"Bolsonaro has plans to pave significantly more roads in the Amazon that have otherwise been impassable much of the year, a project made feasible by international financing.
…"Of course, Hidrovias is also involved in paving B.R.-163 and other development projects in the region. Those projects, such as the paving of the highway, have additional indirect — though entirely predictable — consequences, as they spur side roads that make previously difficult-to-reach areas of the Amazon accessible for mining, logging, or further deforestation.
…"A Blackstone spokesperson noted that the fund only owns 9.3 percent* of Hidrovias. But that ignores the 55.8 percent of Hidrovias that is owned by Pátria Investimentos. On Hidrovias’s website, Pátria is described as a company ‘in partnership with Blackstone,’ and it is known in the financial industry to be a Blackstone company.”
*Pay no attention to claimed percentages of ownership.  What goes on behind ownership curtains is fluidly incestuous.  For example, from April 2019:
Blackstone Transfers 35% Stake in Brazil’s Alphaville Urbanismo to Pátria (em português)
“Blackstone transferred its 35% stake in Brazilian real estate developer Alphaville Urbanismo to its partner Pátria Investimentos. Blackstone and Pátria originally invested R$1.4b in June 2013 for a 70% stake in the company. The two firms formed a partnership in 2010 and Blackstone retains a 40% stake in Pátria.”
—–
Keep in mind, 
It’s not like this graft flows directly, or just one way.
Trump USDA is paying millions to a shady Brazilian meatpacking company under DOJ, SEC investigation
Brazil Subsidiary Hoovers Up $62 Million In Trump Trade War Aid Intended For Farmers

Every American farmer who has lost their Chinese market for soybeans – all of them – should be wondering how it was that trump “woke up” one morning with his idea of a trade war with China.  Had his close friend Schwartzman told trump the Brazilian road and terminal were ready?
There is no question that the Amazon rainforest is burning right now to open new farm land in order to meet China’s soybean market.


I wanted Blackstone to get fucked prior to this, now…now I want them to 
SUFFER. 
: Jason Hickel
 @jasonhickel
 This story is a real bombshell. Reporter Ryan Grim
 reveals that one of the biggest culprits of Amazon
 destruction is a US company, Blackstone, whose CEO
 is close friends with Trump and bankrolls the US
 Senate leader Republican Mitch McConnell
 A Top Financier of Trump and McConnell Is a Driving Force Behind Amazo...
 Steve Schwarzman is the CEO of the Blackstone Group, which partially owns
 a Brazilian firm that is helping transform the Amazon from jungle to ...
 theintercept.com
 3:27 AM Aug 28, 2019 Twitter Web App
 6.5K Likes
 6K Retweets
spaceconveyor:

feelingbluepolitics:


feelingbluepolitics:

catbirdseat4u:
➣  Go HERE for the dirt   — There’s plenty.
Highest recommendation.
https://theintercept.com/2019/08/27/amazon-rainforest-fire-blackstone/
“The companies have wrested control of land, deforested it, and helped build a controversial highway to their new terminal in the one-time jungle, all to facilitate the cultivation and export of grain and soybeans.”
“Schwarzman, a founder of Blackstone, owns roughly a fifth of the company, making him one of the world’s richest men. In 2018, he was paid at least $568 million, which was, in fact, a drop from the $786 million he made the year before. He has been generous toward McConnell and [t]rump with that wealth. In 2016, he gave $2.5 million to the Senate Leadership Fund, McConnell’s Super PAC and put Jim Breyer, McConnell’s billionaire brother-in-law, on the board of Blackstone. Two years later, Schwarzman kicked in $8 million to McConnell’s Super PAC. 
“Blackstone employees have given well over $10 million to McConnell and his Super PAC over the years, making them the biggest source of direct financing over McConnell’s career. McConnell’s Senate campaign declined to comment.
“Schwarzman is a close friend and adviser to [t]rump, and served as the chair of his Strategic and Policy Forum until it fell apart in the wake of the Charlottesville neo-Nazi rally, in which [t]rump famously praised 'very fine people, on both sides.’  In December 2017, as the final details of the GOP tax cut were being ironed out, Schwarzman hosted a $100,000-a-plate fundraiser for [t]rump. Some of [trump’s] dinner companions complained about the tax bill, and days later, [t]rump slashed the top percentage rate in the final package from 39.6 to 37. 
…"Bolsonaro has plans to pave significantly more roads in the Amazon that have otherwise been impassable much of the year, a project made feasible by international financing.
…"Of course, Hidrovias is also involved in paving B.R.-163 and other development projects in the region. Those projects, such as the paving of the highway, have additional indirect — though entirely predictable — consequences, as they spur side roads that make previously difficult-to-reach areas of the Amazon accessible for mining, logging, or further deforestation.
…"A Blackstone spokesperson noted that the fund only owns 9.3 percent* of Hidrovias. But that ignores the 55.8 percent of Hidrovias that is owned by Pátria Investimentos. On Hidrovias’s website, Pátria is described as a company ‘in partnership with Blackstone,’ and it is known in the financial industry to be a Blackstone company.”
*Pay no attention to claimed percentages of ownership.  What goes on behind ownership curtains is fluidly incestuous.  For example, from April 2019:
Blackstone Transfers 35% Stake in Brazil’s Alphaville Urbanismo to Pátria (em português)
“Blackstone transferred its 35% stake in Brazilian real estate developer Alphaville Urbanismo to its partner Pátria Investimentos. Blackstone and Pátria originally invested R$1.4b in June 2013 for a 70% stake in the company. The two firms formed a partnership in 2010 and Blackstone retains a 40% stake in Pátria.”
—–
Keep in mind, 
It’s not like this graft flows directly, or just one way.
Trump USDA is paying millions to a shady Brazilian meatpacking company under DOJ, SEC investigation
Brazil Subsidiary Hoovers Up $62 Million In Trump Trade War Aid Intended For Farmers

Every American farmer who has lost their Chinese market for soybeans – all of them – should be wondering how it was that trump “woke up” one morning with his idea of a trade war with China.  Had his close friend Schwartzman told trump the Brazilian road and terminal were ready?
There is no question that the Amazon rainforest is burning right now to open new farm land in order to meet China’s soybean market.


I wanted Blackstone to get fucked prior to this, now…now I want them to 
SUFFER. 

                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        browsedankmemes:

Men talking about the women they love via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2ZuCMd2: GrizFyrFyter1 102d
 My wife never finished a cup of coffee or a cup of tea if
 didn't make it for her.
 .
 I asked about it t once and her response was "it just
 taste better when you make it".
 Always makes me feel better seeing an empty cup.
 the_dapper_minion 102d
 I often come to bed after her, and she's a pretty heavy
 sleeper. Without fail, I'll get settled in to bed and she
 does what I call the reach. Where she'll start swatting
 around to find me. Once a body part is located she
 attempts to crawl into my skin. All while asleep. Lol
 most nights I just lay there and kinda chuckle. It's the
 little things.
 Mitz_Fitz 103d
 Destroyed my knee a couple years ago in a dirt bike
 accident. On the bad days she will rub balm on it and
 lightly sing to me. Soothes all the anger and pain I have.
 God I'm lucky. Thanks for reminding me
 wardog1066 102d
 3 1 Award
 Not so grand as some of the gestures noted here, but
 when my wife and I go shopping and get separated we
 will find each other again and she always smiles when
 she sees me. Sometimes I'll wander off just so we can
 bump into each other and I get to see that smile. I've
 never told her this for fear she will become aware of it
 and stop.28 years and she still smiles when she sees
 me. I get misty if I think too hard about it.
browsedankmemes:

Men talking about the women they love via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2ZuCMd2
        

            
            

                
                
                    browsedankmemes:

Men talking about the women they love via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2ZuCMd2: GrizFyrFyter1 102d
 My wife never finished a cup of coffee or a cup of tea if
 didn't make it for her.
 .
 I asked about it t once and her response was "it just
 taste better when you make it".
 Always makes me feel better seeing an empty cup.
 the_dapper_minion 102d
 I often come to bed after her, and she's a pretty heavy
 sleeper. Without fail, I'll get settled in to bed and she
 does what I call the reach. Where she'll start swatting
 around to find me. Once a body part is located she
 attempts to crawl into my skin. All while asleep. Lol
 most nights I just lay there and kinda chuckle. It's the
 little things.
 Mitz_Fitz 103d
 Destroyed my knee a couple years ago in a dirt bike
 accident. On the bad days she will rub balm on it and
 lightly sing to me. Soothes all the anger and pain I have.
 God I'm lucky. Thanks for reminding me
 wardog1066 102d
 3 1 Award
 Not so grand as some of the gestures noted here, but
 when my wife and I go shopping and get separated we
 will find each other again and she always smiles when
 she sees me. Sometimes I'll wander off just so we can
 bump into each other and I get to see that smile. I've
 never told her this for fear she will become aware of it
 and stop.28 years and she still smiles when she sees
 me. I get misty if I think too hard about it.
browsedankmemes:

Men talking about the women they love via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2ZuCMd2
                    
                
            

            
                
                
browsedankmemes:

Men talking about the women they love via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2ZuCMd2

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
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        gehayi:

raven-conspiracy:

Call your reps or use Resistbot if texting is your thing, and MAKE THIS HAPPEN in your state!!

http://thehill.com/homenews/state-watch/393581-rhode-island-bill-would-keep-trump-off-2020-ballot-unless-he-filed-his


Rhode Island’s state Senate passed a bill this week that would keep candidates off the presidential ballot in their state if they don’t release five years’ worth of tax returns, according to the Providence Journal.
State Sen. Gayle Goldin (D), who sponsored the bill, noted that every presidential candidate since Richard Nixon had released their tax returns voluntarily until President Trump ran for office.
Trump has repeatedly claimed that he cannot release his tax returns because he is under audit, but the IRS said an audit does not prevent a candidate from releasing their personal tax information.
Goldin argued that “tax returns provide essential information about candidates’ conflicts of interest.”
Tax returns, she continued, are vital information a voter needs to know about a candidate at the ballot box.
The bill passed the Democratic-majority Senate on a 34-3 vote. It now moves to the Rhode Island state House.

: THE HILL
 Rhode Island bill would
 keep Trump off 2020
 ballot unless he releases
 his tax returns
gehayi:

raven-conspiracy:

Call your reps or use Resistbot if texting is your thing, and MAKE THIS HAPPEN in your state!!

http://thehill.com/homenews/state-watch/393581-rhode-island-bill-would-keep-trump-off-2020-ballot-unless-he-filed-his


Rhode Island’s state Senate passed a bill this week that would keep candidates off the presidential ballot in their state if they don’t release five years’ worth of tax returns, according to the Providence Journal.
State Sen. Gayle Goldin (D), who sponsored the bill, noted that every presidential candidate since Richard Nixon had released their tax returns voluntarily until President Trump ran for office.
Trump has repeatedly claimed that he cannot release his tax returns because he is under audit, but the IRS said an audit does not prevent a candidate from releasing their personal tax information.
Goldin argued that “tax returns provide essential information about candidates’ conflicts of interest.”
Tax returns, she continued, are vital information a voter needs to know about a candidate at the ballot box.
The bill passed the Democratic-majority Senate on a 34-3 vote. It now moves to the Rhode Island state House.


        

            
            

                
                
                    gehayi:

raven-conspiracy:

Call your reps or use Resistbot if texting is your thing, and MAKE THIS HAPPEN in your state!!

http://thehill.com/homenews/state-watch/393581-rhode-island-bill-would-keep-trump-off-2020-ballot-unless-he-filed-his


Rhode Island’s state Senate passed a bill this week that would keep candidates off the presidential ballot in their state if they don’t release five years’ worth of tax returns, according to the Providence Journal.
State Sen. Gayle Goldin (D), who sponsored the bill, noted that every presidential candidate since Richard Nixon had released their tax returns voluntarily until President Trump ran for office.
Trump has repeatedly claimed that he cannot release his tax returns because he is under audit, but the IRS said an audit does not prevent a candidate from releasing their personal tax information.
Goldin argued that “tax returns provide essential information about candidates’ conflicts of interest.”
Tax returns, she continued, are vital information a voter needs to know about a candidate at the ballot box.
The bill passed the Democratic-majority Senate on a 34-3 vote. It now moves to the Rhode Island state House.

: THE HILL
 Rhode Island bill would
 keep Trump off 2020
 ballot unless he releases
 his tax returns
gehayi:

raven-conspiracy:

Call your reps or use Resistbot if texting is your thing, and MAKE THIS HAPPEN in your state!!

http://thehill.com/homenews/state-watch/393581-rhode-island-bill-would-keep-trump-off-2020-ballot-unless-he-filed-his


Rhode Island’s state Senate passed a bill this week that would keep candidates off the presidential ballot in their state if they don’t release five years’ worth of tax returns, according to the Providence Journal.
State Sen. Gayle Goldin (D), who sponsored the bill, noted that every presidential candidate since Richard Nixon had released their tax returns voluntarily until President Trump ran for office.
Trump has repeatedly claimed that he cannot release his tax returns because he is under audit, but the IRS said an audit does not prevent a candidate from releasing their personal tax information.
Goldin argued that “tax returns provide essential information about candidates’ conflicts of interest.”
Tax returns, she continued, are vital information a voter needs to know about a candidate at the ballot box.
The bill passed the Democratic-majority Senate on a 34-3 vote. It now moves to the Rhode Island state House.


                    
                
            

            
                
                
gehayi:

raven-conspiracy:

Call your reps or use Resistbot if texting is your thing, and MAKE THIS HAPPEN in your state!!

http://thehil...

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴀᴛ @ᴘɪᴍᴘᴄᴇssᴍɪsʜᴀ: 126
 Successful Women Think Differently
 and health by Dutch researcher Dr. Ruut Veenhoven she
 being chronically unhappy has the same effect on lon
 ng cigarettes daily. Onaverade theefrecisotunhappinessk.
 expectancy by sx Successful people take their happi
 They don't dwell on the negative and they fill their life with fho
 tive-positive words, positive people, and a positive outlok
 showed that
 longevity as sm
 Onaverage the effects ofunha
 Cut
 the
 Posi
 as rustened to a presectorbout happiness given by Dr. V
 hoven, a noted sociologist, I was intrigued by his classification of
 qualities of life that comprise overall happiness and well-beino
 sider them (paraphrased below with my definitions and coachino
 tions) to help you determine the areas of your life in which you
 have room to enhance your happiness and well-being:
 fo
 may
 Read that shit!
 iva
 "Livability" is about the environments in which you live, work, an
 play. Does your environment nurture you or drain you? Do the
 cumstances in which you find yourself empower you to thrive or
 merely survive? What would create a more livable and happier e
 ronment for you?
 2. Life abilities
 Life abilities are your personal strengths, knowledge, preparation
 ibility, and potential. They can be developed, explored, and imp
 upon. Greater personal abilities often create more enjoyable op
 nities. What talents and strengths are going underutilized in yo
 What potential is going untapped?
 Meaning
 CHAT
ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴀᴛ @ᴘɪᴍᴘᴄᴇssᴍɪsʜᴀ
        

            
            

                
                
                    ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴀᴛ @ᴘɪᴍᴘᴄᴇssᴍɪsʜᴀ: 126
 Successful Women Think Differently
 and health by Dutch researcher Dr. Ruut Veenhoven she
 being chronically unhappy has the same effect on lon
 ng cigarettes daily. Onaverade theefrecisotunhappinessk.
 expectancy by sx Successful people take their happi
 They don't dwell on the negative and they fill their life with fho
 tive-positive words, positive people, and a positive outlok
 showed that
 longevity as sm
 Onaverage the effects ofunha
 Cut
 the
 Posi
 as rustened to a presectorbout happiness given by Dr. V
 hoven, a noted sociologist, I was intrigued by his classification of
 qualities of life that comprise overall happiness and well-beino
 sider them (paraphrased below with my definitions and coachino
 tions) to help you determine the areas of your life in which you
 have room to enhance your happiness and well-being:
 fo
 may
 Read that shit!
 iva
 "Livability" is about the environments in which you live, work, an
 play. Does your environment nurture you or drain you? Do the
 cumstances in which you find yourself empower you to thrive or
 merely survive? What would create a more livable and happier e
 ronment for you?
 2. Life abilities
 Life abilities are your personal strengths, knowledge, preparation
 ibility, and potential. They can be developed, explored, and imp
 upon. Greater personal abilities often create more enjoyable op
 nities. What talents and strengths are going underutilized in yo
 What potential is going untapped?
 Meaning
 CHAT
ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴀᴛ @ᴘɪᴍᴘᴄᴇssᴍɪsʜᴀ
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        rubitrightintomyeyes:
theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.
“I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.”
“I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.”
Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.
In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix.
Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.
“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”
“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.”
Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.
“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.”
While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.
“I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath  Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.”
“I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added.
At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.


: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend's Shower
 Routine
 NEWS Local Relationships ISSUE 49-29 Jul 16, 2013
 23
 Jacob Ferris, 25, has no idea what his girlfriend Sarah uses this rock in her shower for
rubitrightintomyeyes:
theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.
“I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.”
“I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.”
Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.
In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix.
Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.
“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”
“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.”
Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.
“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.”
While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.
“I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath  Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.”
“I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added.
At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.



        

            
            

                
                
                    rubitrightintomyeyes:
theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.
“I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.”
“I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.”
Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.
In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix.
Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.
“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”
“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.”
Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.
“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.”
While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.
“I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath  Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.”
“I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added.
At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.


: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend's Shower
 Routine
 NEWS Local Relationships ISSUE 49-29 Jul 16, 2013
 23
 Jacob Ferris, 25, has no idea what his girlfriend Sarah uses this rock in her shower for
rubitrightintomyeyes:
theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.
“I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.”
“I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.”
Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.
In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix.
Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.
“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”
“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.”
Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.
“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.”
While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.
“I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath  Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.”
“I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added.
At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.



                    
                
            

            
                
                
rubitrightintomyeyes:
theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full e...

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
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        I miss the days when games came with manuals: The Elder Scrolls III
 The elder Scrolls
 MORROWINTD
 MORROWIND
 e9
 Do not mm
 ORK
 Media company.The Elder Scrolls, Morrowind
 Bink Video, Copynight 1997-2001 by RAD
 Game of the Year Edition
 mvention of copy pro
 strictly prohibited.Confide

 SAFETY INFORMATION
 TABLE OF CONTENTS
 Introduction
 Main Menu
 Gameplay Controls
 The Game Screen
 Stats Menu
 Inventory Menu
 Magic Menu
 Map Menu
 Races
 Attributes
 Derived Attributes
 Combat Arts
 ABOUT PHOTOSENSITIVE SEIZURES
 A very small percentage of people may
 visual images, including flashing lights or patterns that may appear
 Even people who have no history of seizures or epilepsy may have a
 condition that can cause these photosensitve epileptic seizures while watching video
 experience a seizure when exposed to certain
 in video games.
 n undiagnosed
 These seizures may have a variety of symptoms including: lightheadedness
 vision, eye or face twitching, jerking or shaking of arms or legs, disorientation
 entation
 confusion, or momentary loss of awareness. Seizures may also cause loss of
 consciousness or convulsions that can lead to injury from falling down or strikina
 nearby objects.
 16
 mmediately stop playing and consult a doctor if you experience any of these
 symptoms Parents should watch for or ask their children about
 hildren and teenagers are more likely than adults to experience these seizures. The
 the above symptoms.
 19
 Stealth Arts
 of photosensitive epileptic seizures may be reduced by sitting farther from the
 using a smaller television screen, playing in a well-lit room, and not
 Combat Classes
 Magic Classes
 Stealth Classes
 en you are drowsy or fatigued
 of your relatives have a history of seizures or epilepsy, consult a doctor
 Increasing Your Skills and Leveling Up
 Weapons
 R IMPORTANT HEALTH AND SAFETY INFORMATION
 28
 29
 30
 .30
 30
 ox Instruction Manual contains important safety and health information that
 Using Weapons, Repairing Weapons & Armor
 u should read and understand before using this software
 School of Conjuration
 VOID DAMAGE TO YOUR TELEVISION
 School of Illusion
 School of Destruction
 not use with certain televisions. Some televisions, especially front- or rear-projection
 pes, can be damaged if any video games, including Xbox games, are played on them.
 tatic images presented during the normal course of game play may burn in to the
 creen, causing a permanent shadow of the static image to appear at all times, even
 when video games are not being played. Similar damage may occur from static images
 eated when placing a video game on hold or pause. Consult your television owner's
 nanual to determine if video games can be safely played safely on your set. If you are
 unable to find this information in the owner's manual, contact your television dealer or
 School of Restoration
 School of Mysticism
 School of Alteration
 Abilities, Powers, Diseases, Spells.
 34
 35
 36
 Magic Items, Magic Scrolls
 Spellmaking
 Enchanting
 39
 the manufacturer to determine if video games can be played safely on your set.
 I Unauthorized copying, reverse engineering, transmission, public performance, rental,
 Potions, Alchemy
 Stealth
 pay for play, or circumvention of copy protection is strictly prohibited
 42
 Books, Journal.
 Containers, Resting and Waiting, Fast Travel, Crime and Jail.
 Loading and Saving
 Preferences
 Credits
 .46
 The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind
 The Elder ScI: Morrowind

 CREATING YOUR CHARACTER
 When you first start, you mu
 entered in your Name, you'l be asked to select a Race, Class, and Bithsign
 ist decide what kind of player you will be. After you've
 DARK ELF
 In the Empire, "Dark Elf is the common
 usage, but in their Morrowind homeland,
 they call themselves the "Dunmer." The
 dark-skinned, red-eyed Dunmer combine
 powerful intellect with strong and agile
 physiques, producing superior warriors and
 sorcerers. On the battlefield, Dark Elves are
 noted for their skilled and balanced
 integration of swordsmen, marksmen, and
 war wizards.
 RACES
 You may choose from 10 races commonly encountered in MORROWIND. Since each
 race has unique abilities, selecting your race is one of the most important decisions
 vou'll make.
 ARGONIAN
 Little is known and less is understood about the
 reptilian denizens of Black Marsh. Years of
 defending their borders have made the
 Argonians experts in guerilla warfare, and their
 Skill Bonuses: Long Blade +5, Destruction +10, Light Armor +5, Athletics +5, Mysticism +5,
 Marksman +5, Short Blade +10
 Specials: Ancestor Guardian, Resistant to Fire
 natural abilities make them equally at home in
 water and on land. They are well suited for the
 treacherous swamps of their homeland, and
 have developed natural immunities to the
 diseases and poisons that have doomed many
 would-be explorers of the region.
 HIGH ELF
 The High Elves, or Altmer, are the proud, tall, golden-
 skinned peoples of Summerset Isle. The common
 tongue of the Empire, Tamrielic, is based on their
 speech and writing, and most of the Empire's arts,
 crafts, and sciences are derived from High Elven
 traditions. Deft, intelligent, and strong-willed, High
 Elves are often gifted in the arcane arts, and are far
 more resistant to disease than the lesser races.
 Skill Bonuses: Alchemy +5, Athletics +15,Illusion +5, Medium Armor +5, Mysticism +5
 Spear +5, Unarmored+5
 Specials: Resist Disease, Immune to Poison, Water Breathing
 Skill: Destruction +10, Enchant +10, Alchemy +10, Alteration +5, Conjuration +5,Illusion +5
 Specials: Fortified Maximum Magicka, Weakness to Magicka, Fire, Frost, and Shock,
 Resistant to Disease
 BRETON
 Bretons feel an inborn, instinctive bond
 with the mercurial forces of magic and the
 supernatural. Many great sorcerers have
 IMPERIAL
 Natives of the civilized, cosmopolitan province of
 Cyrodiil, the Imperials are well-educated and well-
 spoken. Though physically less imposing than the
 other races, the Imperials have proved to be shrewd
 diplomats and traders. These traits, along with their
 remarkable skill and training as light infantry, have
 enabled them to subdue all the other provinces and
 to have erected the monument to peace and
 prosperity that comprises the Glorious Empire.
 from the home province of High
 Rock, and in addition to their quick and
 perceptive grasp of spellcraft, enchantment,
 and alchemy, even the humblest of Bretons
 boast a high resistance to destructive and
 dominating magical energies.
 Skill Bonuses: Conjuration +10, Mysticism +10, Restoration +10, Alchemy +5, Alteration +5
 Illusion +5
 pecials: Fortified Maximum Magicka, Dragon Skin, Resist Magicka
 SKILL BONUSES: Speechcraft+10, Mercantile+10, Long Blade +10, Blunt Weapon +S,
 Light Armor +5, Hand to Hand +5
 SPECIALS: Star of the West, Voice of the Emperor
 The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind
 13
 The Elder crlsIII: Morowind

 BIRTHSIGNS
 In Tamriel, persons born under certain constellations are said to be fortunate in their
 aspects', Such persons are often blessed-or cursed- with remarkable abilities or
 weaknesses as a result of the magical conjunctions of celestíal influences.
 STEALTH SPECIALIZED CLASSES
 THIEVES
 Thieves are pickpockets and pilferers. Unlike robbers, who kill and
 loot, thieves typically choose stealth and subterfuge over violence,
 and often entertain romantic notions of their charm and
 in their acquisitive activities
 cleverness
 THE APPRENTICE
 Those bom under the sign of The Apprentice have increased Magicka, but
 also have a weakness to it.
 AGENTS
 atives skilled in deception and avoidance, but
 dasTHE ATRONACH
 trained in self-defense and the use of deadly force. Self-reliant and
 independent, agents devote themselves to personal goals, or to
 various patrons or causes.
 Those born under the sign of The Atronach cannot regenerate Magicka, but
 have a chance of absorbing any magic cast at them.
 THE LADY
 Those born under the sign of The Lady have increased Endurande
 and Personality.
 ASSASSINS
 Assassins are killers who rely on stealth and mobility to approach
 victims undetected. Execution is performed with ranged weapons
 or with short blades for close work. Assassins can be ruthless
 murderers or principled agents of noble causes.
 THE LORD
 Those born under the sign of The Lord can regenerate Health, but are weak
 to fire
 THE LOVER
 Those born under the sign of The Lover have increased Agility and can
 paralyze others with a kiss.
 ACROBATS
 Acrobať' is a polite euphemism for agile burglars and second-story
 men, These thieves avoid detection by stealth, and rely on mobility
 and cunning to avoid capture.
 THE MAGE
 Those born under the sign of The Mage have increased Magicka.
 MONKS
 Monks are students of the ancient martial arts of hand-to-hand
 combat and unarmored self-defense. Monks avoid detection by
 stealth, mobility, and agility, and are skilled with a variety of
 ranged and close-combat weapons.
 THE RITUAL
 Those born under the sign of The Ritual can heal themselves and
 turn undead.
 THE SERPENT
 Those born under the sign of The Serpent can poison others at a loss of
 PILGRIMS
 Pilgrims are travelers, seekers of truth and enlightenment. They
 fortify themselves for road and wilderness with arms, armor, and
 magic, and through wide experience of the world, they become
 shrewd in commerce and persuasion
 their own Health.
 THE SHADOW
 Those born under the sign of The Shadow can make themselves invisible.
 THE STEED
 Those born under the sign of The Steed can move faster
 BARDS
 Bards are loremasters and storytellers. They crave adventure for the
 wisdom and insight to be gained, and must depend on sword
 shield, spell, and enchantment to preserve them from the perils of
 their educational experiences
 THE THIEF
 Those born under the sign of The Thief are harder to hit.
 THE TOWER
 detect things at a distance.
 Those born under the sign of The Warrior have an increased chance
 Those born under the sign of The Tower can unlock doors magically and
 THE WARRIOR
 25
I miss the days when games came with manuals
        

            
            

                
                
                    I miss the days when games came with manuals: The Elder Scrolls III
 The elder Scrolls
 MORROWINTD
 MORROWIND
 e9
 Do not mm
 ORK
 Media company.The Elder Scrolls, Morrowind
 Bink Video, Copynight 1997-2001 by RAD
 Game of the Year Edition
 mvention of copy pro
 strictly prohibited.Confide

 SAFETY INFORMATION
 TABLE OF CONTENTS
 Introduction
 Main Menu
 Gameplay Controls
 The Game Screen
 Stats Menu
 Inventory Menu
 Magic Menu
 Map Menu
 Races
 Attributes
 Derived Attributes
 Combat Arts
 ABOUT PHOTOSENSITIVE SEIZURES
 A very small percentage of people may
 visual images, including flashing lights or patterns that may appear
 Even people who have no history of seizures or epilepsy may have a
 condition that can cause these photosensitve epileptic seizures while watching video
 experience a seizure when exposed to certain
 in video games.
 n undiagnosed
 These seizures may have a variety of symptoms including: lightheadedness
 vision, eye or face twitching, jerking or shaking of arms or legs, disorientation
 entation
 confusion, or momentary loss of awareness. Seizures may also cause loss of
 consciousness or convulsions that can lead to injury from falling down or strikina
 nearby objects.
 16
 mmediately stop playing and consult a doctor if you experience any of these
 symptoms Parents should watch for or ask their children about
 hildren and teenagers are more likely than adults to experience these seizures. The
 the above symptoms.
 19
 Stealth Arts
 of photosensitive epileptic seizures may be reduced by sitting farther from the
 using a smaller television screen, playing in a well-lit room, and not
 Combat Classes
 Magic Classes
 Stealth Classes
 en you are drowsy or fatigued
 of your relatives have a history of seizures or epilepsy, consult a doctor
 Increasing Your Skills and Leveling Up
 Weapons
 R IMPORTANT HEALTH AND SAFETY INFORMATION
 28
 29
 30
 .30
 30
 ox Instruction Manual contains important safety and health information that
 Using Weapons, Repairing Weapons & Armor
 u should read and understand before using this software
 School of Conjuration
 VOID DAMAGE TO YOUR TELEVISION
 School of Illusion
 School of Destruction
 not use with certain televisions. Some televisions, especially front- or rear-projection
 pes, can be damaged if any video games, including Xbox games, are played on them.
 tatic images presented during the normal course of game play may burn in to the
 creen, causing a permanent shadow of the static image to appear at all times, even
 when video games are not being played. Similar damage may occur from static images
 eated when placing a video game on hold or pause. Consult your television owner's
 nanual to determine if video games can be safely played safely on your set. If you are
 unable to find this information in the owner's manual, contact your television dealer or
 School of Restoration
 School of Mysticism
 School of Alteration
 Abilities, Powers, Diseases, Spells.
 34
 35
 36
 Magic Items, Magic Scrolls
 Spellmaking
 Enchanting
 39
 the manufacturer to determine if video games can be played safely on your set.
 I Unauthorized copying, reverse engineering, transmission, public performance, rental,
 Potions, Alchemy
 Stealth
 pay for play, or circumvention of copy protection is strictly prohibited
 42
 Books, Journal.
 Containers, Resting and Waiting, Fast Travel, Crime and Jail.
 Loading and Saving
 Preferences
 Credits
 .46
 The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind
 The Elder ScI: Morrowind

 CREATING YOUR CHARACTER
 When you first start, you mu
 entered in your Name, you'l be asked to select a Race, Class, and Bithsign
 ist decide what kind of player you will be. After you've
 DARK ELF
 In the Empire, "Dark Elf is the common
 usage, but in their Morrowind homeland,
 they call themselves the "Dunmer." The
 dark-skinned, red-eyed Dunmer combine
 powerful intellect with strong and agile
 physiques, producing superior warriors and
 sorcerers. On the battlefield, Dark Elves are
 noted for their skilled and balanced
 integration of swordsmen, marksmen, and
 war wizards.
 RACES
 You may choose from 10 races commonly encountered in MORROWIND. Since each
 race has unique abilities, selecting your race is one of the most important decisions
 vou'll make.
 ARGONIAN
 Little is known and less is understood about the
 reptilian denizens of Black Marsh. Years of
 defending their borders have made the
 Argonians experts in guerilla warfare, and their
 Skill Bonuses: Long Blade +5, Destruction +10, Light Armor +5, Athletics +5, Mysticism +5,
 Marksman +5, Short Blade +10
 Specials: Ancestor Guardian, Resistant to Fire
 natural abilities make them equally at home in
 water and on land. They are well suited for the
 treacherous swamps of their homeland, and
 have developed natural immunities to the
 diseases and poisons that have doomed many
 would-be explorers of the region.
 HIGH ELF
 The High Elves, or Altmer, are the proud, tall, golden-
 skinned peoples of Summerset Isle. The common
 tongue of the Empire, Tamrielic, is based on their
 speech and writing, and most of the Empire's arts,
 crafts, and sciences are derived from High Elven
 traditions. Deft, intelligent, and strong-willed, High
 Elves are often gifted in the arcane arts, and are far
 more resistant to disease than the lesser races.
 Skill Bonuses: Alchemy +5, Athletics +15,Illusion +5, Medium Armor +5, Mysticism +5
 Spear +5, Unarmored+5
 Specials: Resist Disease, Immune to Poison, Water Breathing
 Skill: Destruction +10, Enchant +10, Alchemy +10, Alteration +5, Conjuration +5,Illusion +5
 Specials: Fortified Maximum Magicka, Weakness to Magicka, Fire, Frost, and Shock,
 Resistant to Disease
 BRETON
 Bretons feel an inborn, instinctive bond
 with the mercurial forces of magic and the
 supernatural. Many great sorcerers have
 IMPERIAL
 Natives of the civilized, cosmopolitan province of
 Cyrodiil, the Imperials are well-educated and well-
 spoken. Though physically less imposing than the
 other races, the Imperials have proved to be shrewd
 diplomats and traders. These traits, along with their
 remarkable skill and training as light infantry, have
 enabled them to subdue all the other provinces and
 to have erected the monument to peace and
 prosperity that comprises the Glorious Empire.
 from the home province of High
 Rock, and in addition to their quick and
 perceptive grasp of spellcraft, enchantment,
 and alchemy, even the humblest of Bretons
 boast a high resistance to destructive and
 dominating magical energies.
 Skill Bonuses: Conjuration +10, Mysticism +10, Restoration +10, Alchemy +5, Alteration +5
 Illusion +5
 pecials: Fortified Maximum Magicka, Dragon Skin, Resist Magicka
 SKILL BONUSES: Speechcraft+10, Mercantile+10, Long Blade +10, Blunt Weapon +S,
 Light Armor +5, Hand to Hand +5
 SPECIALS: Star of the West, Voice of the Emperor
 The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind
 13
 The Elder crlsIII: Morowind

 BIRTHSIGNS
 In Tamriel, persons born under certain constellations are said to be fortunate in their
 aspects', Such persons are often blessed-or cursed- with remarkable abilities or
 weaknesses as a result of the magical conjunctions of celestíal influences.
 STEALTH SPECIALIZED CLASSES
 THIEVES
 Thieves are pickpockets and pilferers. Unlike robbers, who kill and
 loot, thieves typically choose stealth and subterfuge over violence,
 and often entertain romantic notions of their charm and
 in their acquisitive activities
 cleverness
 THE APPRENTICE
 Those bom under the sign of The Apprentice have increased Magicka, but
 also have a weakness to it.
 AGENTS
 atives skilled in deception and avoidance, but
 dasTHE ATRONACH
 trained in self-defense and the use of deadly force. Self-reliant and
 independent, agents devote themselves to personal goals, or to
 various patrons or causes.
 Those born under the sign of The Atronach cannot regenerate Magicka, but
 have a chance of absorbing any magic cast at them.
 THE LADY
 Those born under the sign of The Lady have increased Endurande
 and Personality.
 ASSASSINS
 Assassins are killers who rely on stealth and mobility to approach
 victims undetected. Execution is performed with ranged weapons
 or with short blades for close work. Assassins can be ruthless
 murderers or principled agents of noble causes.
 THE LORD
 Those born under the sign of The Lord can regenerate Health, but are weak
 to fire
 THE LOVER
 Those born under the sign of The Lover have increased Agility and can
 paralyze others with a kiss.
 ACROBATS
 Acrobať' is a polite euphemism for agile burglars and second-story
 men, These thieves avoid detection by stealth, and rely on mobility
 and cunning to avoid capture.
 THE MAGE
 Those born under the sign of The Mage have increased Magicka.
 MONKS
 Monks are students of the ancient martial arts of hand-to-hand
 combat and unarmored self-defense. Monks avoid detection by
 stealth, mobility, and agility, and are skilled with a variety of
 ranged and close-combat weapons.
 THE RITUAL
 Those born under the sign of The Ritual can heal themselves and
 turn undead.
 THE SERPENT
 Those born under the sign of The Serpent can poison others at a loss of
 PILGRIMS
 Pilgrims are travelers, seekers of truth and enlightenment. They
 fortify themselves for road and wilderness with arms, armor, and
 magic, and through wide experience of the world, they become
 shrewd in commerce and persuasion
 their own Health.
 THE SHADOW
 Those born under the sign of The Shadow can make themselves invisible.
 THE STEED
 Those born under the sign of The Steed can move faster
 BARDS
 Bards are loremasters and storytellers. They crave adventure for the
 wisdom and insight to be gained, and must depend on sword
 shield, spell, and enchantment to preserve them from the perils of
 their educational experiences
 THE THIEF
 Those born under the sign of The Thief are harder to hit.
 THE TOWER
 detect things at a distance.
 Those born under the sign of The Warrior have an increased chance
 Those born under the sign of The Tower can unlock doors magically and
 THE WARRIOR
 25
I miss the days when games came with manuals
                    
                
            

            
                
                
I miss the days when games came with manuals

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        sixpenceee:

The Witch of Joshua Ward House
This Georgian and Federal style building was constructed by Joshua Ward, a wealthy merchant sea captain, in the late 1780s on the remaining foundations of former sheriff George Corwin’s house on Washington Street in Salem, Massachusetts.
Corwin was a bloody figure whose zeal added to the unfortunate events surrounding Salem in the late 1600s. Nicknamed ‘The Strangler’ after his preferred torture (which included tying his prone victims’ necks to their ankles until the blood ran from their noses), he is said to have been responsible for many of the ‘witches’’ deaths, including that of Giles Corey who was crushed to death by placing heavy stones on his chest in order to extract a confession.
Legend states that just before he died, Corey cursed the sheriff and all sheriffs that follow in his wake, for Corwin’s despicable acts. It should be noted here that every sheriff since Corey uttered his curse died while in office or had been “forced out of his post as the result of a heart or blood ailment.” Corwin himself died of a heart attack in 1696, only about four years after the end of the trials.
 By the time of his death, Corwin was so despised that his family had to bury him in the cellar of their house to avoid desecration of the corpse by the public. In the early 1980s Carlson Realty bought the House with the intention of turning it into their headquarters. After moving in, a realtor by the name of Dale Lewinski began the task of taking photographs of the staff members to add to a welcome display.
 Lewinski used a Polaroid camera to snap the head-and-shoulders, passport-style pictures. It was the photograph of a colleague by the name of Lorraine St. Peter that caused a stir. The Polaroid was developed and, instead of showing St. Peter, it appeared to depict a frightening image: a strange, black-haired, feminine figure. St. Peter was nowhere to be seen on the snap. The photograph has, apparently, not been cropped at all. St. Peter has been entirely replaced by the apparition. 
: wwwoslightlywarped.com
sixpenceee:

The Witch of Joshua Ward House
This Georgian and Federal style building was constructed by Joshua Ward, a wealthy merchant sea captain, in the late 1780s on the remaining foundations of former sheriff George Corwin’s house on Washington Street in Salem, Massachusetts.
Corwin was a bloody figure whose zeal added to the unfortunate events surrounding Salem in the late 1600s. Nicknamed ‘The Strangler’ after his preferred torture (which included tying his prone victims’ necks to their ankles until the blood ran from their noses), he is said to have been responsible for many of the ‘witches’’ deaths, including that of Giles Corey who was crushed to death by placing heavy stones on his chest in order to extract a confession.
Legend states that just before he died, Corey cursed the sheriff and all sheriffs that follow in his wake, for Corwin’s despicable acts. It should be noted here that every sheriff since Corey uttered his curse died while in office or had been “forced out of his post as the result of a heart or blood ailment.” Corwin himself died of a heart attack in 1696, only about four years after the end of the trials.
 By the time of his death, Corwin was so despised that his family had to bury him in the cellar of their house to avoid desecration of the corpse by the public. In the early 1980s Carlson Realty bought the House with the intention of turning it into their headquarters. After moving in, a realtor by the name of Dale Lewinski began the task of taking photographs of the staff members to add to a welcome display.
 Lewinski used a Polaroid camera to snap the head-and-shoulders, passport-style pictures. It was the photograph of a colleague by the name of Lorraine St. Peter that caused a stir. The Polaroid was developed and, instead of showing St. Peter, it appeared to depict a frightening image: a strange, black-haired, feminine figure. St. Peter was nowhere to be seen on the snap. The photograph has, apparently, not been cropped at all. St. Peter has been entirely replaced by the apparition. 

        

            
            

                
                
                    sixpenceee:

The Witch of Joshua Ward House
This Georgian and Federal style building was constructed by Joshua Ward, a wealthy merchant sea captain, in the late 1780s on the remaining foundations of former sheriff George Corwin’s house on Washington Street in Salem, Massachusetts.
Corwin was a bloody figure whose zeal added to the unfortunate events surrounding Salem in the late 1600s. Nicknamed ‘The Strangler’ after his preferred torture (which included tying his prone victims’ necks to their ankles until the blood ran from their noses), he is said to have been responsible for many of the ‘witches’’ deaths, including that of Giles Corey who was crushed to death by placing heavy stones on his chest in order to extract a confession.
Legend states that just before he died, Corey cursed the sheriff and all sheriffs that follow in his wake, for Corwin’s despicable acts. It should be noted here that every sheriff since Corey uttered his curse died while in office or had been “forced out of his post as the result of a heart or blood ailment.” Corwin himself died of a heart attack in 1696, only about four years after the end of the trials.
 By the time of his death, Corwin was so despised that his family had to bury him in the cellar of their house to avoid desecration of the corpse by the public. In the early 1980s Carlson Realty bought the House with the intention of turning it into their headquarters. After moving in, a realtor by the name of Dale Lewinski began the task of taking photographs of the staff members to add to a welcome display.
 Lewinski used a Polaroid camera to snap the head-and-shoulders, passport-style pictures. It was the photograph of a colleague by the name of Lorraine St. Peter that caused a stir. The Polaroid was developed and, instead of showing St. Peter, it appeared to depict a frightening image: a strange, black-haired, feminine figure. St. Peter was nowhere to be seen on the snap. The photograph has, apparently, not been cropped at all. St. Peter has been entirely replaced by the apparition. 
: wwwoslightlywarped.com
sixpenceee:

The Witch of Joshua Ward House
This Georgian and Federal style building was constructed by Joshua Ward, a wealthy merchant sea captain, in the late 1780s on the remaining foundations of former sheriff George Corwin’s house on Washington Street in Salem, Massachusetts.
Corwin was a bloody figure whose zeal added to the unfortunate events surrounding Salem in the late 1600s. Nicknamed ‘The Strangler’ after his preferred torture (which included tying his prone victims’ necks to their ankles until the blood ran from their noses), he is said to have been responsible for many of the ‘witches’’ deaths, including that of Giles Corey who was crushed to death by placing heavy stones on his chest in order to extract a confession.
Legend states that just before he died, Corey cursed the sheriff and all sheriffs that follow in his wake, for Corwin’s despicable acts. It should be noted here that every sheriff since Corey uttered his curse died while in office or had been “forced out of his post as the result of a heart or blood ailment.” Corwin himself died of a heart attack in 1696, only about four years after the end of the trials.
 By the time of his death, Corwin was so despised that his family had to bury him in the cellar of their house to avoid desecration of the corpse by the public. In the early 1980s Carlson Realty bought the House with the intention of turning it into their headquarters. After moving in, a realtor by the name of Dale Lewinski began the task of taking photographs of the staff members to add to a welcome display.
 Lewinski used a Polaroid camera to snap the head-and-shoulders, passport-style pictures. It was the photograph of a colleague by the name of Lorraine St. Peter that caused a stir. The Polaroid was developed and, instead of showing St. Peter, it appeared to depict a frightening image: a strange, black-haired, feminine figure. St. Peter was nowhere to be seen on the snap. The photograph has, apparently, not been cropped at all. St. Peter has been entirely replaced by the apparition. 

                    
                
            

            
                
                
sixpenceee:

The Witch of Joshua Ward House
This Georgian and Federal style building was constructed by Joshua Ward, a wealthy merchant s...

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
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        rubitrightintomyeyes:

theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.
“I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.”
“I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.”
Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.
In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix.
Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.
“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”
“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.”
Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.
“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.”
While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.
“I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath  Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.”
“I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added.
At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.


: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend's Shower
 Routine
 NEWS Local Relationships ISSUE 49-29 Jul 16, 2013
 23
 Jacob Ferris, 25, has no idea what his girlfriend Sarah uses this rock in her shower for
rubitrightintomyeyes:

theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.
“I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.”
“I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.”
Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.
In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix.
Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.
“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”
“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.”
Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.
“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.”
While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.
“I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath  Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.”
“I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added.
At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.



        

            
            

                
                
                    rubitrightintomyeyes:

theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.
“I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.”
“I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.”
Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.
In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix.
Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.
“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”
“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.”
Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.
“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.”
While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.
“I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath  Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.”
“I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added.
At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.


: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend's Shower
 Routine
 NEWS Local Relationships ISSUE 49-29 Jul 16, 2013
 23
 Jacob Ferris, 25, has no idea what his girlfriend Sarah uses this rock in her shower for
rubitrightintomyeyes:

theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.
“I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.”
“I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.”
Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.
In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix.
Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.
“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”
“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.”
Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.
“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.”
While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.
“I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath  Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.”
“I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added.
At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.



                    
                
            

            
                
                
rubitrightintomyeyes:

theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full...

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
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        Anyone have the story of the ship that wanted the lighthouse to move out of its way?: Actual Exchanges Between Pilots And
 Control Towers, These Are Priceless,
 Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise reduction turn right 45
 Degrees."
 TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much
 noise can we make up here?"
 Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747
 makes when it hits a 727?"
 From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long
 takeoff queue: T'm f-ing bored!
 Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting,
 identify yourself immediately!"
 Unknown aircraft: said l was f-ing bored, not f-ing
 stupid!
 O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy
 your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles,
 Eastbound."
 United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say
 this...l've got the little Fokker in sight."
 A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an
 exceedingly long rollout after touching down.
 San Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a hard
 right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able.
 If you are not able, take the Guadelupe exit off Highway
 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
 A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in
 Munich, overheard the following: Lufthansa (in
 German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
 Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must
 speak in English."
 Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German
 airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
 Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful
 British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"
Anyone have the story of the ship that wanted the lighthouse to move out of its way?
        

            
            

                
                
                    Anyone have the story of the ship that wanted the lighthouse to move out of its way?: Actual Exchanges Between Pilots And
 Control Towers, These Are Priceless,
 Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise reduction turn right 45
 Degrees."
 TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much
 noise can we make up here?"
 Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747
 makes when it hits a 727?"
 From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long
 takeoff queue: T'm f-ing bored!
 Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting,
 identify yourself immediately!"
 Unknown aircraft: said l was f-ing bored, not f-ing
 stupid!
 O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy
 your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles,
 Eastbound."
 United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say
 this...l've got the little Fokker in sight."
 A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an
 exceedingly long rollout after touching down.
 San Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a hard
 right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able.
 If you are not able, take the Guadelupe exit off Highway
 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
 A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in
 Munich, overheard the following: Lufthansa (in
 German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
 Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must
 speak in English."
 Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German
 airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
 Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful
 British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"
Anyone have the story of the ship that wanted the lighthouse to move out of its way?
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
Save