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Cheetos, Cute, and Dogs: 410) e "G-11 38% 8:26 PM Today 10:38 AM My three favorite things are eating dogs and not using commas Clearly I need an English teacher in my life Today 3:05 PM The best one of those was- "Let's eat, Gramma!" VS "Let's eat Gramma!" Today 6:40 PM Oh, I remember being taught a different version of that one in grade school. I think it went something like "Let's eat out You're clever Like that was actually really good Today 7:03 PM Good enough to get your number? I feel like we're 50% there Wo-oah, [I'm] livin' on a prayer 54% Oh man, tough crowd Ifelt like your percentage was increasing too fast Don't worry, I'm never in a rush. Would you hold on to something while I take a walk though? A dog?! My hand We'll make it, I swear That was slick, 5 points for gryffindor I feel like that was worth exactly 15% towards the running total Ok I'll say 65% Would you rather be sexually attracted to fish or always have Cheetos dust on your fingers? Am I attracted to all fish now or just the cute ones like normal? Also I think you forgot the extra 4% earned l said I'll give you the extra points to make it 65% total Compromise, man All fish and only fish. Like you are only aroused by fish That's fine with me, you're quite the catch and I seem to have you on the hook Getting closer, 75% I'm glad that I'm reeling you in Today 8:25 PM You can earn the rest of the percentage later l suppose GIF ype a message... Is this what peaking feels like?

Is this what peaking feels like?

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Definitely, Future, and Gif: Unproblematic and nice account @LovableAndKind My sister got creeped on and sexually harassed by a jiffy lube guy via text from his personal phone and.... Message Today 3:16 PM You are gorgeous Who is this? Your favorite oil change guy The guy from Jiffy Lube? Yes ma'am I couldn't help but to let you know So I feel like this is a teachable moment for you. While I know you were wanting to give me a compliment, it was completely unnecessary and unsolicited. I am a customer, you are a service provider, and there should be no communication between us outside of that unless I, the customer express interest. I am married, we discussed this when I was talking about my car maintenance, so it can be assumed that I am not interested in any compliments/advances from you When you contacted me, I felt a little panicked because you went back in my file and got my number... I have other personal information, like my address, saved there as well. It is a violation of my privacy for you to contact me from your personal phone with information that you got without my permission. And now I know that you are the type of person to go back in someone's file to find their personal information, what is to keep you from going back and getting my address? There are men who stalk rape, and murder women by getting their information this way. For this reason, I assume there is a Jiffy Lube company policy that you are to never contact a patron on your personal cell phone for personal reasons So now I am in this predicament. I can choose to ignore your violation of my privacy and go to another company to avoid awkward interactions in the future (even though this is the place that I've been going to consistently for the past several years). Or I can contact your company HR and report this incident. Generally I am not in the business of ruining someone's livelihood over something as simple as this, but it is very important to me that you understand why it was completely inappropriate for you to contact me, or any other woman, without explicit consent. Capiche? Sorry about that yes ma'am Oh, and you didn't tell me what the tire pressure was on the rear passenger tire like l asked, so you are definitely not even in my top five favorite oil change guys. mbaku-babygirl: great-tweets: “This is a teachable moment for you.” She did that!!!!

mbaku-babygirl: great-tweets: “This is a teachable moment for you.” She did that!!!!

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Definitely, Future, and Gif: Unproblematic and nice account @LovableAndKind My sister got creeped on and sexually harassed by a jiffy lube guy via text from his personal phone and.... Message Today 3:16 PM You are gorgeous Who is this? Your favorite oil change guy The guy from Jiffy Lube? Yes ma'am I couldn't help but to let you know So I feel like this is a teachable moment for you. While I know you were wanting to give me a compliment, it was completely unnecessary and unsolicited. I am a customer, you are a service provider, and there should be no communication between us outside of that unless I, the customer express interest. I am married, we discussed this when I was talking about my car maintenance, so it can be assumed that I am not interested in any compliments/advances from you When you contacted me, I felt a little panicked because you went back in my file and got my number... I have other personal information, like my address, saved there as well. It is a violation of my privacy for you to contact me from your personal phone with information that you got without my permission. And now I know that you are the type of person to go back in someone's file to find their personal information, what is to keep you from going back and getting my address? There are men who stalk rape, and murder women by getting their information this way. For this reason, I assume there is a Jiffy Lube company policy that you are to never contact a patron on your personal cell phone for personal reasons So now I am in this predicament. I can choose to ignore your violation of my privacy and go to another company to avoid awkward interactions in the future (even though this is the place that I've been going to consistently for the past several years). Or I can contact your company HR and report this incident. Generally I am not in the business of ruining someone's livelihood over something as simple as this, but it is very important to me that you understand why it was completely inappropriate for you to contact me, or any other woman, without explicit consent. Capiche? Sorry about that yes ma'am Oh, and you didn't tell me what the tire pressure was on the rear passenger tire like l asked, so you are definitely not even in my top five favorite oil change guys. mbaku-babygirl: great-tweets: “This is a teachable moment for you.” She did that!!!!

mbaku-babygirl: great-tweets: “This is a teachable moment for you.” She did that!!!!

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Definitely, Future, and Phone: Unproblematic and nice account @LovableAndKind My sister got creeped on and sexually harassed by a jiffy lube guy via text from his personal phone and.... Message Today 3:16 PM You are gorgeous Who is this? Your favorite oil change guy The guy from Jiffy Lube? Yes ma'am I couldn't help but to let you know So I feel like this is a teachable moment for you. While I know you were wanting to give me a compliment, it was completely unnecessary and unsolicited. I am a customer, you are a service provider, and there should be no communication between us outside of that unless I, the customer express interest. I am married, we discussed this when I was talking about my car maintenance, so it can be assumed that I am not interested in any compliments/advances from you When you contacted me, I felt a little panicked because you went back in my file and got my number... I have other personal information, like my address, saved there as well. It is a violation of my privacy for you to contact me from your personal phone with information that you got without my permission. And now I know that you are the type of person to go back in someone's file to find their personal information, what is to keep you from going back and getting my address? There are men who stalk rape, and murder women by getting their information this way. For this reason, I assume there is a Jiffy Lube company policy that you are to never contact a patron on your personal cell phone for personal reasons So now I am in this predicament. I can choose to ignore your violation of my privacy and go to another company to avoid awkward interactions in the future (even though this is the place that I've been going to consistently for the past several years). Or I can contact your company HR and report this incident. Generally I am not in the business of ruining someone's livelihood over something as simple as this, but it is very important to me that you understand why it was completely inappropriate for you to contact me, or any other woman, without explicit consent. Capiche? Sorry about that yes ma'am Oh, and you didn't tell me what the tire pressure was on the rear passenger tire like l asked, so you are definitely not even in my top five favorite oil change guys. simonalkenmayer: great-tweets: “This is a teachable moment for you.” “OH and you’re also not good at your customer service job”

simonalkenmayer: great-tweets: “This is a teachable moment for you.” “OH and you’re also not good at your customer service job”

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Ass, Bitch, and Church: I dont mind a nigga hugging my girl but it you pick her up and do that cute twirl, imma break your jaw 10/30/18, 10:36 AM 80 Retweets 244 Likes Papa John, @johnda... 10/30/18 Or one of them rocking side to side hugs 2 you will receive arn uppercut at mach speed I’ll beat the dog shit out of a nigga like my name was stewie. Any dude that turn into Kevin Hart around your girl gotta get hit with that choppa. i remember I was going to football tryouts with my bros in high school. Them niqqas was encouraging me to go but I didn’t want to. They put me on to how the girls who wanted to be cheer leaders be pulling up and watching. I use to be fat. A cheese burger away from being Obeast. During practice coach had the nerve to put me on the skin team for skin vs shirts. Man my titties were wet like submarine missles. I missed every catch bro. I look like the clam when Patrick tossed that peanut at the museum. I felt embarrassed as fucked getting my ankles swirled by my bro Demarcus. Why he had to juke my ass out my church shoes tho. All the hoes was laughing bro. I caused a 3 magnitude earth quake. My crush who I invited was still faithfully sitting there in the stands. I managed to get one touchdown off a safety. I saw her looking at me and I knew she saw me flex on em. Practice was over and I tried to approach my crush for her number. I seen my bro Demarcus pull up. King cock block you don’t say? Nigga was asking about tomorrow hw like he gonna do it. Shorty was hype to see him. Boy went up and gave her one of them rocking chair hugs. When ya meat pressed up against her stomach. Nigga was looking over her shoulders with that Vegeta smirk like” yea ima fuck yo bitch”. I held back tears like the G I was pose to be. I met that Biggs Demarcus in the locker room after to toss hands. That boy punted my ass across the locker room. I ain’t never get a tackled so hard. I felt like a crushed bag of chips. I laid there with no hoes and in need of a ice pack. I learned every homie ain’t ya homie when it comes to pussy 😔. I’m still a where my hug ass niqqa.
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Anaconda, Instagram, and Memes: My students had to pick a Marvel character to embody within a resume and cover letter. The idea that you miss 100% of the shots you don't take lives within one particular student of mine. Address I am groot Email i am groot Phone number i am groof I am Groot, I am Groot, 1 am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, 1 am Groot, I am Groot I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I om Groot, I am Groot. ㄧ迮in Groot, l (In Groot, l ㎜ Groot, l am Groot, ' am Groot, i am Groot, ' 0m Groot, 1 am Groot am Groot,1 am Groot, Iam Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, Iam Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, am Groot,Tam Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot l an Groot l am Groot, l am Groot,I am Groot, l am Groot 1 am Groot, i am Groot, i an Groot I am Groot,I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, 1 am Groot : an Groot, 1 am Groot, l 0m Groot, i am Groot.เ 0m Groot, i am Groot, l am Groot, l am Groot I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, 1am Groot,1m Groot, 1om Groot, I am Groot : 0m Groot, l am Groot l am Groot, i am Groot, l 0m Groot l tm Groot, I ftm Groot, i am Groot am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot. I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot. I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, Iam Groot, Iam Groot, I am Groot, I om Groot, 1am Groot I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, 1 am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot i am Groot, l am Groot, 1 am Groot, i am Groot, i am Groot, i am Groot, l am Groot, i am Groot I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot. I am Groot, I am Groot, I om Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot l am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot. I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot 1 am Groot, l am Groot, i ㎜ Groot, l am Groot, l am Groot. am Groot, l am Groot, i am Groot i am Groot, ' Ein Groot un Groot, ' am Groot, l am Groot,I am Groot, i an Groot, l dun Groot 1 am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot I om Groot, I am Groot. I om Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot I am Groot, I om Groot, 1 am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot i ИП Groot, am Groot, i 0m Groot, ' nm Groot, l am Groot, i am Groot, i am Groot, i am Groot : om Groot, l om Groot,丨0m Groot, 1 am Groot, l am Groot, i am Gloot, i am Groot, ' am Goot I am Groot, I am Groot I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot I am Groot, I om Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot ' om Groot, i an Groot. ' am Groot, l 0m Groot, am Groot, am Groot, l am Groot ' am Groot I am Groot, 1om Groot, I am Groot, Jam Groot, Ii am Groot am Groot, Jam Groot, I am Groot Objective: I AM GROOT Experiences or skills: I AM GROOT, I AM GROOT, I AM GROOT Activities: I AM GROOT, I AM GROOT LAM GROOT List Your Education: I AM GROOT I AM GROOT List Any Awards You've Won and When You Won Them: I AM GROOT, I AM GROOT List Your Personal Interests: I AM GROOT 💨 @hitsblunt is the funniest hits blunt page on Instagram! 👺😂

💨 @hitsblunt is the funniest hits blunt page on Instagram! 👺😂

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Anaconda, Apparently, and Carolina Panthers: Adam Saleh @omgAd. 2016/12/14 NEW VIDEO IS UP!! I Smuggled Myself On A Plane To Another City and IT WORKED!! (IN A SUITCASE) youtu.be/13yviQ2ByMU Tigerair Australia tigerair @ TigerairAU @omgAdamSaleh Nice try Adam, but definitely a few inconsistencies with this vid, namely the fact we have footage of you boarding the plane! 2016/12/14, 11:21 People act like this is so hard, I'm 15 and yea I do have a really high IQ (150s) and I can easily do integrated calculus in my head, and easily calculate the amount of valence electrons in a nucleus. And lI'm also highly trained in quantum physics, by the way I'm totally self educated Reply 12 There are no electrons in any atomic nucleus. 4h Boom! 1d Just ran into Harry Styles at the tigers game and he Gave me $100 to get him two beers and I took the money and left #sweartogod Harry Styles @Harry_Styles wasn't at the tigers game. Cool story though 8/18/14, 9:44 PM When we both all sleep ea s 66 433 1,009 Isaac Whittemore @6ixice Replying to @CharlinatorG so the bed bugs takin the photos 7:40イ 97 iMessage Today 7:20 PM Hey is this hannah? No sorry wrong number I was in Kent, Ohio at the bar 157 Lounge. Are you sure this isn't hannah? Yeah I'm a dude and I'm pretty sure my name isn't Hannah, she gave you a fake number, sorry Fuck you. I got to hook up with two hot sorority girls last night. They were both super hot. You were probably at home jacking off because your a loserYou wish you were like me don't you? I get any girl I want. They beg for me. Hahaha fucking loser. Except Hannah apparently Delivered iMessage buzzfeed: 17 People Who Lied And Promptly Got Called The Fuuuuuck Out
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Bad, Click, and Friends: Anonymous said why can't muslims tell other muslims to stop killing people? thebootydiaries: thebootydiaries: It’s a breezy summer day and the rustling from the leaves outside sound like whispers from my small apartment. I’m sitting in front of my laptop, silently studying the 1.6 billion faces speaking simultaneously in front of me. It’s Monday, the day of the weekly conference call between all Muslims. We have been required to attend this Skype meeting from the the tender age of fetus, but I had never spoken in one of them before.  That changes today.  “Hey guys, what if…” I start to say.  Nobody hears me, but I refuse to be silent. How could I show my face again on Tumblr if I couldn’t even save my mayonnaise friends from death? How could I expect to earn their respect? Anon was right; why hadn’t I done this before? Thousands of lives had paid the price for my ignorance, but not anymore. “What if you guys….. stopped killing people.“  Suddenly, silence.  1,643,398,023 pairs of eyes are on me. My heart is in my throat as the ISIS leader gives me a blank expression.  A single tear rolls down my cheek. Please.” I say with a broken voice.  He is moved.  “Aight”. My fingers are almost shaking as I carefully type in the ten digit phone number I have had memorized my entire life. The buttons on my home phone seem to glow a bit more dull, and even the ringing of the phone from the other end seems to be agonized, almost as if the world is telling me to hang up. But I refuse to give up; I can’t let my lily-white friends down. Not again.The phone rings once. Twice. Three times. Still no answer. Just as I am about to hang up, there is a click.All I can hear is heavy breathing.“Hello….” I say quietly, my voice shaking. “Is….. Is this Muslim?”There was a long silence before I heard a voice answer “ya lol.”“I was thinking………..” I begin cautiously. “Maybe murder is…………bad.”“Habibi, I…..I don’t understand. What are you trying to say….?” The voice seems shaken.“What if…….world peace is good and killing people is…………not good”He lets out an audible gasp. “Are you saying ISIS is…….bad?”“Maybe death is…….not good.” I continue. My heart is racing. I remind myself that I am saving thousands of lives, and inhale.The silence from the other end of the line is almost deafening. He seemed to be thinking, as if he had never considered this idea before in his life. Truly I had opened his heart and his mind. This…. This could end terrorism.“Muslim….Please.” I whisper.I hear a tear roll down his cheek, with my Muslim Communication Hearing™, and hold my breath as he finally breathes out his next words.“Kk.”

thebootydiaries: thebootydiaries: It’s a breezy summer day and the rustling from the leaves outside sound like whispers from my small apart...

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