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Fresh, Reddit, and Shower: You avoided it at all costs. You showered three times a day. You washed your hands and face after every meal You stayed inside, away from the beating sun and omnipresent moisture You wormed away from every occasion that involved a greasy meal. You couldn't stand it. One day, you woke up in a bed that was oozing You were relieved when you realized you didn't soil yourself. You were horrified when you realized you were soaking in a bed of your own sweat. You scrambled for the shower. You ignored the split splat noises your feet made as you rushedc You turned the faucet, and let the refreshing water wash over you. It wasn't enough. The grease was still in every pore and every fold of your body. You grab the soap and start scrubbing. And scrubbing. And scrubbing. It's surprisingly easy Skin gives way to fat, which gives way to bone. All the lard and cholesterol melts, slips between your fingers, and disappears down the drain in a soapy slurry But it isn't enough. You don't stop, even as the shower floor gains a fresh coat of gunk. It's on you. It's on you and it's staining you and it' s in you and it is you and it won't come off. You start scraping, scraping, trying to get it off. You reach deep inside. First, it's like trying to peel bark off of a tree. Then, it feels like grating a block of wax. Finally, it starts melting under the torrent of shower water. Curdles of osseous matter drift down into the floor and into the flood. Every last bit of you disappears into the drain Finally, you're clean [Src]

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Apparently, Fresh, and Tumblr: Excellent Radiant source f Farms Sparkles UNICORN MEAT odut of Ireland Bi NET WT 5.5 0 (156) Top customer reviews George Takei ☆☆☆☆☆ Tastes Like Spam July 9, 2013 When my shipment of unicorn meat from RADIANT FARMS finally arrived, I prepared the fragrant pate as a maki roll, wrapped in seaweed and spread over some sushi rice, with a little unagi sauce on top. This had been a staple during WWII when spam was standard issue in Hawaii, and it was how my cousins used to prepare it. Ah, the memories. I even had a half carafe of cold, unfiltered sake to pair with it. Unfortunately, I found this unicorn meat brand to be quite similar to spam, both in texture and blandness. I'd been hoping for that zestier kick that comes from the rump cuts of other mythical and fantastical creatures, such as griffins or centaurs (for the latter, serve only the back half of the creature with guests, or it gets awkward) Apparently, as Dateline recently reported, "farmed" unicorns are force-fed mostly genetically modified grains, rather than their natural diet of skittles and ecstasy pills California in fact is ready to ban the practice and sale of such meat by referendum. Moreover, certain European countries were caught mixing in regular horse meat (yes, disgusting) so you never really know how pure the unicorn is. I say stick with fresh. I highly recommend TOM RIDDLE brand unicorn steaks, which arrive still oozing restorative blood. Ground into patties, they make a great burger. Comment 6,156 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Report abuse <p><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.tumblr.com/post/172666301953/canned-unicorn-meat" class="tumblr_blog">novelty-gift-ideas</a>:</p><blockquote><p><b><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.com/canned-unicorn-meat/"> Canned Unicorn Meat</a></b><br/><br/></p></blockquote>

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Apparently, Fresh, and Tumblr: Excellent Radiant source f Farms Sparkles UNICORN MEAT odut of Ireland Bi NET WT 5.5 0 (156) Top customer reviews George Takei ☆☆☆☆☆ Tastes Like Spam July 9, 2013 When my shipment of unicorn meat from RADIANT FARMS finally arrived, I prepared the fragrant pate as a maki roll, wrapped in seaweed and spread over some sushi rice, with a little unagi sauce on top. This had been a staple during WWII when spam was standard issue in Hawaii, and it was how my cousins used to prepare it. Ah, the memories. I even had a half carafe of cold, unfiltered sake to pair with it. Unfortunately, I found this unicorn meat brand to be quite similar to spam, both in texture and blandness. I'd been hoping for that zestier kick that comes from the rump cuts of other mythical and fantastical creatures, such as griffins or centaurs (for the latter, serve only the back half of the creature with guests, or it gets awkward) Apparently, as Dateline recently reported, "farmed" unicorns are force-fed mostly genetically modified grains, rather than their natural diet of skittles and ecstasy pills California in fact is ready to ban the practice and sale of such meat by referendum. Moreover, certain European countries were caught mixing in regular horse meat (yes, disgusting) so you never really know how pure the unicorn is. I say stick with fresh. I highly recommend TOM RIDDLE brand unicorn steaks, which arrive still oozing restorative blood. Ground into patties, they make a great burger. Comment 6,156 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Report abuse novelty-gift-ideas: Canned Unicorn Meat

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Memes, Soldiers, and Spider: WHAT'S YOUR ORIGIN STORY? 1. Find your first name initial 2. Find your last name initial 3. Combine them together FIRST LAST A MEMORIES OF PAST LIFE RESTORED BY A KISS A DURING INITIATION CEREMONY B PARENTS MURDERED B IN THE SEWER C HIT BY PARTICLE ACCELERATOR SHOCKWAVES C AT THE HOSPITAL D GIVEN A RING D ON A SPACESHIP E LEFT ON QUEST TO SAVE FRIEND ABANDONED HOUSE ON SMALL ROCK F LURED INTO A MAGICAL CAVE F IN A CAVE G YOUR EX SHOT YOU AND GUESTS IN FRONT OF A CHICKEN RESTAURANT H GRANTED POWERS BY A WizARD H IN THE WOMB BORN WITH MUTANT POWERS IN THE FOREST SHIPWRECK ED J IN YOUR OFFICE K TOLD YOU WERE A WIZARD K ON THE ROOF L VOLUNTEERED FOR EXPERIMENT L IN YOUR HOME M DRANK DARKSPAWN BLOOD M BEHIND A SUBWAY TUNNEL N IN A LAB N TAKEN HOSTAGE BY ENEMIES O FORMS A CONTRACT WITH A WHITE CAT DURING YOUR WEDDING REHERSAL P STEPPED IN GREEN OOZE P ON THE WAY TO AZKABAN Q SCIENTIFICALLY EXPERIMENTED ON Q ON A DESERT PLANET R ON A DESERTED ISLAND R BUILT TO BE A ROBOTIC SOLDIER S HIT WITH COSMIC RAYS S SUMMONED TO AN ALIENS SIDE T ASKED TO GO ON AN ADVENTURE T IN A CAR U MOTHER WAS BITTEN BY A VAMPIRE U IN AN ALLEY V BITTEN BY RADIOACTIVE SPIDER V IN A MILITARY LAB KNOCKED INTO RANDOM CHEMICALS W IN A PRISON CELL X 100 DAILY PUSH-UPS, SIT-UPS & SQUATS HAD A HIGH MIDI CHLORIAN COUNT Y EERIE UNDERGROUND CHAMBER Z HIT WITH GAMMA RAYS Z IN THE MIDDLE OF A STREET You are the chosen one. What is your ORIGIN story? Embrace your ORIGINS with Loot Crate & Loot Crate DX before they are history. Last day to order is January 19th at 9pm PST! (link in bio) lootcrate lootcratedx

You are the chosen one. What is your ORIGIN story? Embrace your ORIGINS with Loot Crate

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Feminism, Tumblr, and Blog: I NEED FEMINS BECAUse Women nenswak GET OVER BEAT <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://fraudulentfeminist.tumblr.com/post/61060416496/i-need-feminism-because-women-menstruate-get">fraudulentfeminist</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><strong>&ldquo;I need feminism because… women menstruate - GET OVER IT&rdquo;<br/><br/></strong><span>Expecting people to not be grossed out by periods is like expecting people to not be grossed out by faeces, or pee, or vomit etc… As a general rule of thumb, any sort of fluid or substance that excretes itself from your body is going to be gross. </span><span>I don’t talk about my periods for the same reason I don’t talk about the sloppy dumps I take in the toilet bowl or the fluorescent coloured pee I spurt when I don’t drink enough water. </span><span>Just because periods happen exclusively to women doesn’t make them any more appealing. </span><span>Go sue Mother Nature if that bothers you so much. </span></p> <p>Periods are literally <span>blood, cervical mucus, vaginal secretions, endometrial tissue, chunky blot clots and an unfertilised egg or two all oozing out from a hole between your legs. </span><span>How is that not… Ew? How can you ever expect someone to not get over it? </span></p> <p><span>The only time periods should EVER be considered within feminist movements is when women are banned from public spheres and shunned for being “unclean” during that time of month (often it is due to superstition and religious traditions, mostly within <em>third world countries</em>). However, I don’t believe that was the particular issue being address by this photo, which is why I decided to post it.</span></p> </blockquote>
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Alive, Arthur, and Ash: BOOM ask-meowria-thorpe: ask-human-or-snake-belgium: ask-punk-arthur-kirkland: nihanwater: meg546: restless-daydreamer: natcat5: bloggish: enchantedtulip: sir-pimp-master-arthur: irmesia: im-the-muthafucking-leaf: bledri: racethewind10: sicani: Jupiter may have just saved Earth from a devastating impact event Something just went down on Jupiter. Monday morning, at 11:35:30 UT, amateur astronomers glimpsed a brief but blazing flash of light in the upper reaches of the planet’s cloudy atmosphere. If past observations are any indication, Jupiter may have just sustained a major impact event. If that’s the case, the gas giant may have just saved Earth from a devastating cosmic collision. Bitches please. That was the USS Enterprise coming out of warp.  Bless you Jupiter. Thank you, Jupiter! Jupiter/EarthOTP. I ship it How long until we can expect the fanfiction?    “Hey Jupiter!” Earth burst in, grinning wildly. “Where are you? Some of my scientists got this theory about your moons and-“ “I’m over here.” The voice calls out from another room and Earth frowns. Why does Jupiter even have rooms? Hesitant, he walks into another room, to find Jupiter. The man is standing shirtless, which could be a little awkward, until he notices Jupiter standing slouched and the red, inflamed burn along his torso. “Jupiter?! What happened?!” Without a second thought he rushes forward, grabbing ice off a table and wrapping it in a towel, and pressing it to the burn. Jupiter jumps back, and Earth whacks his hand. “Stay still! Trust me, I know what I’m doing. We have actual medical professionals on my planet. We have actual people on my planet.” “…Hello, Earth.” Then Earth realises his position, kneeling in front of Jupiter and with his hands pressed to the other man’s chest. And he hasn’t even said hello. He blushes. Must defuse situation. “Uh, hi!” he says awkwardly. “Sorry about bursting in. You know me, always interfering with everything and thinking I know what’s best for everyone, ha ha!” Jupiter chuckles. “It’s fine.” Earth notices the ice is heating up so he takes it out of the towel, swaps it for more ice. Jupiter winces as Earth reapplies the bundle. “Seriously though,” Earth says, “What happened?” Jupiter sighs. “Impact event. Asteroid, comet,” he says. Earth stops dead. Impact events. He’s seen a few of those in his time, and they’ve always been so much worse for him than anyone else - the rest of his solar system is barren enough it doesn’t count, but him, teeming with life and ideas and species. He still remembers when he lost the dinosaurs, in a haze of fire and ash and poison. Woke up centuries later, smaller and fragile. He loved them so much, and still remembers them. It terrifies him to think of such a thing happening again, even to his humans, with all they’ve done to the planet - he loves them too. And… Jupiter. “I’m so sorry,” he says, blinking through the haze of emotion. “It’s alright,” smiles Jupiter, and Earth wants to ask how can it possibly be alright? “It’s not exactly an uncommon occurrence. Largest planet in the solar system; I think my mass just attracts things.” “What?” Earth leaps to his feet. “But - that’s not fair!” Jupiter cocks his head to the side. “Greatest mass, greatest target. Laws of physics. How is that not fair?” “Because - because you haven’t done anything wrong!” Jupiter laughs again. “Oh, right. You and all your lifeforms, and their concepts - fairness, morality, karma.” “Don’t mock me; they don’t even all have those, anyway,” Earth huffs. “But how can you… Look at that burn, man. And you’re telling me this is nothing?” Jupiter briefly looks down at the oozing, crusting thing. “Well, what would happen if I wasn’t here, huh?” he asks. “The meteors - or comets, or asteroids, or whatever - would get past me, hit the smaller planets behind. Your best friend Mars… or Venus and Mercury, nuts as they are. Or you.” Earth gulps. “You shouldn’t have to do this for us,” he says. Jupiter smiles, before pulling Earth into his embrace. Um. Okay. “It’s alright, Earth. I don’t mind. After all - I’m a gas giant, emphasis on the giant. I can get by, pretty much no matter what happens. Other people are more important. People like you. You’re… special.” “I’m not,” says Earth. “I’m not special. Just… self-important.” Jupiter chuckles again. “You’re better than you think you are. You’re alive, Earth, and that’s the most important thing. You have people, ideas, emotions still to share. You have so much to find, so much to see, so much to explore. You’re fragile, and I wouldn’t let you get set back by just any old meteor. You are special, Earth; you’re gonna fly across the universe one day, and to me that is worth a thousand burns.” “ you’re gonna fly across the universe one day, and to me that is worth a thousand burns.” And then I actually started to ship it.  What the hell.  Tumblr: The only place where we have homoerotic fanfiction about two planets. omg i ship it.  better love story than twilight ((Oops my hand slipped.)) dammit tumblr,this is why we can’t show you too the outside world. I ship that so hard, omg ;A; I legit cried
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