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Beautiful, Blessed, and Bones: deadcatwithaflamethrower: hebic: kyraneko: balencia: kitrazzle: pissedoffweasley: wizardingheadcanon: kyraneko: elidyce: thatgirlonstage: fuckyeahdeathlyhallows: sirlestrange: #that is a human as a rat as a cup That was a long 12 years for Wormtail. Can you imagine how differently their lives would’ve gone if Ron, in trying to transfigure Scabbers, had actually transfigured him back into a human?Just take a moment to imagine McGonagall’s reaction if Peter Pettigrew had abruptly appeared in her classroom from Ronald Weasley’s rat.Take a moment. Or if Ron had fucked it up a little worse and couldn’t get ‘Scabbers’ back and McGonagall had take him to disenchant him and next thing we know there’s a naked Peter Pettigrew sitting on McGonagall’s desk and the kids in that class learn six new swear words, a hex they will never dare to use, and a fear of Minerva McGonagall’s wrath that will be with them until the day they die. Ten and twenty years later first years are being pulled aside and warned never mess around in Transfiguration seriously the last time a kid mucked something up in that class Professor McGonagall used two semi-legal hexes, took down a Death Eater and sabotaged the rise of the Dark Lord before Potter had time to get his wand out. What most of Hogwarts learned first on that otherwise-unexceptionable day was that Professor McGonagall could sure scream loud. Professor Flitwick’s Charms 5th-year Charms class was close enough to catch the full effect, and the door had been left open besides; en masse the students recoiled with shock and a miscast Hiccuping Charm broke one of the windows (out which the entire flock of ravens they were practicing on escaped to the Forbidden Forest where they only had to worry about centaurs, rather than annoying young humans with wands). Up in the Divination Tower, Sibyl Trelawny preened over her foresight to have warned her students of an unprecedented catastrophe likely to occur before the hour was out. Out in Greenhouse Five, a NEWT-level Herbology class looked up in puzzlement, and most of them were subsequently bitten by the Venomous Tentaculae they were attempting to propagate. It does not do to ignore a Venomous Tentacula when you’re prodding at its intimate parts with a cotton ball held in tweezers, so the class was cancelled while two-thirds of the students headed for the infirmary and the rest of them headed into the castle because if they stayed with the Venomous Tentaculae they’d be outnumbered, and nobody wants that. And down in the dungeons, Professor Snape turned away from comparing Lee Jordan’s Pepper-Up Potion to spoiled cream at what sounded like a woman screaming from the entrance hall. At the second scream, he ordered the class to remain where they were and behave, sweeping out of the room just in time to miss Theodore Nott suddenly jumping up and yelping as if someone had put a crocodile heart down the back of his robes. Fred Weasley stepped back from the unfortunate Slytherin, shared a smirk with his twin, and stuck his head out the door to make sure Snape had rounded the corner before leading the way out of the classroom. - Back in the Transfiguration classroom, about four minutes ago, it had started innocently enough. Ron Weasley, possessed of a broken wand and a lurking suspicion that most of the family’s magical talent had been soaked up by his siblings before he was around to get any, had attempted to turn his pet rat, Scabbers, into a teacup. Scabbers had not become a teacup. Scabbers, blast his useless furry little backside, had become a furry, vaguely teacup-shaped monstrosity out of which absolutely no one would have been tempted to drink, and to make matters worse, he still had a tail. It was moving. Harry was hiding a smile behind his hand. Dean and Seamus weren’t even trying to hide, elbowing each other and laughing. Parvati and Lavender were looking with disgust and horror at either Scabbers or him, and Hermione was opening her mouth, no doubt ready to tell him exactly what he’d done wrong. Which only made it worse that he really thought he’d done everything right this time. He snatched Scabbers off the desk (eww, the base of the cup had the same texture as rat feet) and turned away from Hermione. He made the wand movement again, picturing in his mind the way McGonagall had demonstrated it. “Erreverto.” “Erreverto. Erreverto. Erreverto.” It didn’t work. It didn’t work when Professor McGonagall stopped by and gave Hermione two points for Gryffindor for getting the spell perfect in both directions. It didn’t work when Harry made his successful transfiguration (Ron looked; the pattern was a little bit furry but it was definitely a teacup). Ron’s lips formed the shape of a word that would’ve made his mother box his ears had she heard it and attempted the reverse transfiguration, which didn’t work either. Finally, faced not only with the indignity of failure but the threat of Scabbers being stuck like that, he’d gone up to Professor McGonagall’s desk. “Um, Professor?” Professor McGonagall looked up from the paper she was grading and looked from him to the squirming teacup. “Problems, Mr. Weasley?” “Um, yeah, Professor. I can’t get it to work in either direction and it’s not fair to Scabbers to make him stay as a teacup just because I can’t do a spell right and can you maybe … ?” “I suppose so, Mr. Weasley,” she said, and waved her wand in the exact manner Ron had been doing all along. Nothing happened. Professor McGonagall looked very, very puzzled. “Now that’s odd,” she said softly. As one, the other students rose from their seats and quietly moved closer. She did not attempt the transfiguration in the other direction. Instead, she made a complex motion with her wand and murmured an incantation that possibly only Hermione recognized. The teacup squeaked. Professor McGonagall looked more puzzled than ever, and made a sweeping wand movement that ended with a sharp jab and uttered, “Arcanum finite!” And there was a loud bang, and there was a pale, pudgy, and very naked man sprawled out on her desk, and she jumped back hard enough to knock her chair into the wall and screamed. - Having taught a particularly rigorous course of magical study to children and teens for quite some time now, Minerva McGonagall had become accustomed to certain things. Students who didn’t listen. Students who did rude things to the mice when they thought she wasn’t looking. Students who accidentally turned a frog or a raven into a flock of starlings or a school of strange slimy South American fish (and tried to solve the immediate problem by filling the classroom with two feet of water, neglecting to consider the gap under the door). Students who tried to transfigure their noses into a more appealing shape and wound up in the hospital wing regrowing their nostrils. Naked men on her desk was something Minerva McGonagall had never had an occasion to get used to. What made it worse was that she recognized this one, and he’d been dead for more than a decade. Inferius! was her first thought, followed shortly thereafter by Animagus, which collided with Peter Pettigrew! and produced the utterly horrifying thought of what if all four of them were Animagi? which didn’t bear thinking about at all, so her brain jumped to if he wasn’t killed by a Dark Wizard then why didn’t he say so? and realized there was only one possible explanation why, and about that time her eyes registered that parts of Peter Pettigrew she really doesn’t want to know about were flopping about in front of her face, and she was screaming as she jumped back. The flow of invective which followed somehow failed to surprise her one bit. Some part of her registered, peripherally, the shocked faces of her students, but most of her attention was directed at Peter Pettigrew, who at very least faked his own death and at worst framed Sirius Black and if Black didn’t betray the Potters then who … did. And the words poured out of her, filthy English and filthier Latin while Pettigrew squirmed on the table, his face rage and guilt and fear and something shifty and contemptible, and he turned to look at the stunned students and lunged for Ron Weasley’s wand. - Severus Snape had reached the Entrance Hall by the time the scream died away and the invective replaced it. He almost smirked, amid the alarm; of all the things he’d never expected to hear from Minerva McGonagall … he took the stairs two at a time, still not noticing the students who followed. He did notice the Herbology class, which had stopped on the way to the Infirmary and were staring transfixed in the direction of the Transfiguration classroom, but pushed his way through them, getting Venomous Tentacula pollen all over his robes in the process. From the other end of the corridor came Professor Flitwick’s Charms class, with Professor Flitwick bringing up the rear and pushing his way between students. - Ron looked stunned as the man who’d been his pet rat snatched the wand from his hand; Professor McGonagal’s expression shifted to one beyond fury and when the entire class recoiled, it wasn’t from the naked man with the wand. “Laedo!“ Minerva McGonagall roared. - Ron Weasley’s wand cast a Splintering Curse many years beyond its rightful owner’s abilities, and it did Peter Pettigrew the poor favor of eliminating the door, which might have slowed him down a bit. - Severus Snape flailed and skidded to a halt as the Transfiguration classroom’s door shattered. He stepped back just in time, and stared, jaw dropped in shock, as a naked man he recognized from his school days flew past him and bellyflopped against the wall, bounced, and collapsed to the ground just in time to avoid the “Exitium!” which followed and vaporized an impresive chunk of the castle’s stone wall. Fred and George and Lee Jordan, determined to stay at the front of the crowd, had been pushed almost against Professor Snape by their fellow Potions classmates and some pollen-coated Hufflepuffs. Fred squirmed aside hastily as Professor McGonagall appeared in the doorway, the look on her face so utterly livid that Professors Snape and Flitwick both reflexively stepped back. Snape tripped over George’s foot and fell against a knot of Hufflepuffs, releasing another cloud of pollen and knocking them backwards. Pettigrew saw his opportunity and took it, scrambling to his feet, stumbling sideways, and launching himself towards the gap. And Minerva McGonagall made a thrust with her wand and said, “Perdo.” In the very loud silence which followed, Filius Flitwick squeaked, “The Splinching Charm, Minerva?” She might’ve looked embarrassed for a moment, and then she smiled as she looked down at Pettigrew, who lay on his belly, his arms and legs lying akimbo some distance away. “Unorthodox,” she said, “but useful in a pinch. If someone would inform the Headmaster, and send an owl to the Ministry—-not Fudge, not Crouch, someone competent—-Shacklebolt, perhaps. Students, return to your classrooms, please. Mr. Weasley, I’m very sorry, but I do believe it’s impossible to return you your rat. However, the zero I was going to have to give you for the day’s work is entirely undeserved, as you were not transfiguring a normal rat. You may make the lesson up any time this week.” - The story was, of course, much embellished by the time it reached all the students. Versions of it had the intruder peppering Snape with a Glitter Hex or transfiguring Ron’s rat into a pair of boxers, and people had to be disabused of the notion that it had been Voldemort who’d been hiding as a rat all this time. Snape gave both Weasley twins detention for tripping him, and took forty-seven points total from Gryffindor over the next few weeks for various pretend-subtle pollen references. Kingsley Shacklebolt showed up with a team of Aurors in time to meet Professor Dumbledore; the Wizengamot launched an investigation into the events surrounding the Potters’ murder; the results turned into a scandal which saw the release of Sirius Black and the forced resignation of both Director Bartemious Crouch and Minister Cornelius Fudge. Director of Magical Law Enforcement Amelia Bones was confirmed as Minister of Magic shortly thereafte, and the Daily Prophet reported that Sirius Black (“Godfather to the Boy-Who-Lived!” “Framed, Abandoned, Condemned to Living Hell!” “Heart-Wrenching: His Release In Pictures, Page 17!”) was considering applying for a teaching position at Hogwarts, “but just for a year, I’ve been cursed enough for one lifetime.” (“The Prophet reminds its readers that the so-called “curse” on a certain Hogwarts teaching position is almost certainly a mere string of coincidences.”) And, Minerva thought with relish some months later, it was almost three weeks before anyone attempted messing around in her class. A personal record. I’ve probably reblogged this before but I’m going to do it again right now I think this is literally the best au this entire fandom has produced I’ve only seen this legendary bit of writing in memes and screenshots. I feel so blessed to see it in person. Beautiful, simply beautiful! Reblogging my own post because a) it’s my damn horn and I’ll blow it if I want to, and b) I just (finally!) cross-posted this to Archive Of Our Own, so if anybody wants to go read it over there, here it is. @deadcatwithaflamethrower My only complaint is that Theodore Nott and Fred Weasely wouldn’t be in the same Potions class. *is pedantic* *reblogging because now you can bookmark it on AO3*
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Antidote, God, and Love: <p><a href="http://phantomemes.tumblr.com/post/166125434642/rp-sentence-starters-taken-from-rupi-kaurs-work" class="tumblr_blog">phantomemes</a>:</p><blockquote> <blockquote><p><small>rp sentence starters taken from <b>rupi kaur’s</b> work , <b>the sun and her flowers</b>.</small></p></blockquote> <p><small>“ my heart cracked inside my body. ”<br/>“ no one is coming in and no one is getting out. ”<br/>“ i deserved someone who was willing to stay.”<br/>“ a dozen different thoughts tear through me each second. ”<br/>“ i envy the winds who still witness you. ”<br/>“ i could be anything in the world. ”<br/>“ but i wanted to be his. ”<br/>“ what does love look like? ”<br/>“ i realized how naive i have been. ”<br/>“ i’m about to get up and walk right out the door. ”<br/>“ you cannot walk in and out of me like a revolving door. ”<br/>“ you took the sun with you when you left. ”<br/>“ when you plunged the knife into me you also began bleeding. ”<br/>“ you will suffer the way you make me suffer. ”<br/>“ i think my body knew you would not stay. ”<br/>“ your absence is a missing limb. ”<br/>“ it must be hard to live with what ifs. ”<br/>“ how did we live through it and how are we still living? ”<br/>“ i can tell when you’re lying. ”<br/>“ the person i fell in love with was a mirage. ”<br/>“ i notice everything i do not have. ”<br/>“ i hardened under the last loss. ”<br/>“ all i dream is to soften. ”<br/>“ i barely feel like living. ”<br/>“ why are you so unkind to me? ”<br/>“ you are waiting for someone who is not coming back. ”<br/>“ i was the warmest place you knew. ”<br/>“ you turned me cold. ”<br/>“ the irony of loneliness is we all feel it at the same time. ”<br/>“ you must see no worth in yourself. ”<br/>“ worth is not something we transfer. ”<br/>“ growth is a process. ”<br/>“ your actions are not my responsibility. ”<br/>“ it’s okay to let others help pick up the pieces. ”<br/>“ i do not weep because i’m unhappy. ”<br/>“ i have everything and yet i am unhappy. ”<br/>“ nothing in this world was promised or belonged to you. ”<br/>“ all you own is yourself. ”<br/>“ you have already rotted. ”<br/>“ there is nothing left for me to do. ”<br/>“ what if nothing wants me because i do not want me? ”<br/>“ i am both the poison and the antidote. ”<br/>“ i have survived far too much to go quietly. ”<br/>“ my death will be grand. ”<br/>“ all i’ve ever known is pain. ”<br/>“ never feel guilty for starting again. ”<br/>“ i am the ghost of ghosts. ”<br/>“ there is god in you. ”  </small><br/></p> </blockquote>

phantomemes: rp sentence starters taken from rupi kaur’s work , the sun and her flowers. “ my heart cracked inside my body. ”“ no one is com...

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Advice, Dad, and Facebook: Her Dad Took Out the Door Screws In Her First Apartment and She's Warning Everyone To Do the Same... BY KAYLA BRANDON (3 HOURS AGO)ILIFESTYLE Mariana Harrison -Realtor Real Estate Agent 5,237 Likes January 23 at 10:47am- My dad gave me this advice a long time ago when I moved into my first apartment. He even came out and changed the screws for me as soon as I moved in. Someone else recently posted about it and I thought I would shae A good home security tip that you may have never thought about... Most contractors install the plates with the supplied screws which are only a half inch long and come out with one kick by a burglar. He installed 4 inch screws in their place that go through the door frame and into the framing of the house. They can kick for a long time before they the door hardware. Making a burglar make a bunch of noise and be foiled in their initial plan can not only give you time to arm yourself but they will most likely move on to an easier target. 173,159 Likes 23,606 Comments 221,243 Shares uncleromeo: thatsyawholethanghuh: meggory84: tygermama: 4acesdave: majorleaguebuttstuff: airyairyquitecontrary: newmodelminority: insideguppysworld: antinwo: http://www.ijreview.com/2016/01/524662-real-estate-agent-shares-family-secret-to-keeping-burglars-at-bay/?author=kbnutm_source=facebookutm_medium=ownedutm_campaign=lifeutm_term=ijamerica Save a life Totes good data. The part of this I don’t like is “they will most likely move on to an easier target.” Like I’m supposed to feel fine about someone else with a less sturdy door getting ripped off? Change your neighbor’s screws too Channel your inner dad Chage everyone’s screws Mythbusters did this but not exactly on purpose, they put together a door to test how to kick it down and didn’t have the right sized screws so they used the longer ones and even Jamie running at speed had trouble breaking the door with the longer screws Not only will longer screws keep you safer, they also prevent your door from sagging over time, which leads to scraping or your door not closing properly. ✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽 make sure you install longer screws on the hinges too. contractors often cut corners by using whatever they have lying around and s door can be kicked off from the hinge side too. this is especially important with older homes and apartments. depending on the maintenance standards (if there are any), a door that has been repaired or replaced could have mismatched screws.

uncleromeo: thatsyawholethanghuh: meggory84: tygermama: 4acesdave: majorleaguebuttstuff: airyairyquitecontrary: newmodelminority: in...

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Advice, Dad, and Facebook: Her Dad Took Out the Door Screws In Her First Apartment and She's Warning Everyone To Do the Same... BY KAYLA BRANDON (3 HOURS AGO)ILIFESTYLE Mariana Harrison -Realtor Real Estate Agent 5,237 Likes January 23 at 10:47am- My dad gave me this advice a long time ago when I moved into my first apartment. He even came out and changed the screws for me as soon as I moved in. Someone else recently posted about it and I thought I would shae A good home security tip that you may have never thought about... Most contractors install the plates with the supplied screws which are only a half inch long and come out with one kick by a burglar. He installed 4 inch screws in their place that go through the door frame and into the framing of the house. They can kick for a long time before they the door hardware. Making a burglar make a bunch of noise and be foiled in their initial plan can not only give you time to arm yourself but they will most likely move on to an easier target. 173,159 Likes 23,606 Comments 221,243 Shares revscarecrow: 4acesdave: majorleaguebuttstuff: airyairyquitecontrary: newmodelminority: insideguppysworld: antinwo: http://www.ijreview.com/2016/01/524662-real-estate-agent-shares-family-secret-to-keeping-burglars-at-bay/?author=kbnutm_source=facebookutm_medium=ownedutm_campaign=lifeutm_term=ijamerica Save a life Totes good data. The part of this I don’t like is “they will most likely move on to an easier target.” Like I’m supposed to feel fine about someone else with a less sturdy door getting ripped off? Change your neighbor’s screws too Channel your inner dad Chage everyone’s screws Chaotic good option break into everyone’s apartments and fix their door screws.

revscarecrow: 4acesdave: majorleaguebuttstuff: airyairyquitecontrary: newmodelminority: insideguppysworld: antinwo: http://www.ijrevie...

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Beautiful, Blessed, and Bones: rmh8402: pegasusdragontiger: kyraneko: balencia: kitrazzle: pissedoffweasley: wizardingheadcanon: kyraneko: elidyce: thatgirlonstage: fuckyeahdeathlyhallows: sirlestrange: #that is a human as a rat as a cup That was a long 12 years for Wormtail. Can you imagine how differently their lives would’ve gone if Ron, in trying to transfigure Scabbers, had actually transfigured him back into a human?Just take a moment to imagine McGonagall’s reaction if Peter Pettigrew had abruptly appeared in her classroom from Ronald Weasley’s rat.Take a moment. Or if Ron had fucked it up a little worse and couldn’t get ‘Scabbers’ back and McGonagall had take him to disenchant him and next thing we know there’s a naked Peter Pettigrew sitting on McGonagall’s desk and the kids in that class learn six new swear words, a hex they will never dare to use, and a fear of Minerva McGonagall’s wrath that will be with them until the day they die. Ten and twenty years later first years are being pulled aside and warned never mess around in Transfiguration seriously the last time a kid mucked something up in that class Professor McGonagall used two semi-legal hexes, took down a Death Eater and sabotaged the rise of the Dark Lord before Potter had time to get his wand out. What most of Hogwarts learned first on that otherwise-unexceptionable day was that Professor McGonagall could sure scream loud. Professor Flitwick’s Charms 5th-year Charms class was close enough to catch the full effect, and the door had been left open besides; en masse the students recoiled with shock and a miscast Hiccuping Charm broke one of the windows (out which the entire flock of ravens they were practicing on escaped to the Forbidden Forest where they only had to worry about centaurs, rather than annoying young humans with wands). Up in the Divination Tower, Sibyl Trelawny preened over her foresight to have warned her students of an unprecedented catastrophe likely to occur before the hour was out. Out in Greenhouse Five, a NEWT-level Herbology class looked up in puzzlement, and most of them were subsequently bitten by the Venomous Tentaculae they were attempting to propagate. It does not do to ignore a Venomous Tentacula when you’re prodding at its intimate parts with a cotton ball held in tweezers, so the class was cancelled while two-thirds of the students headed for the infirmary and the rest of them headed into the castle because if they stayed with the Venomous Tentaculae they’d be outnumbered, and nobody wants that. And down in the dungeons, Professor Snape turned away from comparing Lee Jordan’s Pepper-Up Potion to spoiled cream at what sounded like a woman screaming from the entrance hall. At the second scream, he ordered the class to remain where they were and behave, sweeping out of the room just in time to miss Theodore Nott suddenly jumping up and yelping as if someone had put a crocodile heart down the back of his robes. Fred Weasley stepped back from the unfortunate Slytherin, shared a smirk with his twin, and stuck his head out the door to make sure Snape had rounded the corner before leading the way out of the classroom. - Back in the Transfiguration classroom, about four minutes ago, it had started innocently enough. Ron Weasley, possessed of a broken wand and a lurking suspicion that most of the family’s magical talent had been soaked up by his siblings before he was around to get any, had attempted to turn his pet rat, Scabbers, into a teacup. Scabbers had not become a teacup. Scabbers, blast his useless furry little backside, had become a furry, vaguely teacup-shaped monstrosity out of which absolutely no one would have been tempted to drink, and to make matters worse, he still had a tail. It was moving. Harry was hiding a smile behind his hand. Dean and Seamus weren’t even trying to hide, elbowing each other and laughing. Parvati and Lavender were looking with disgust and horror at either Scabbers or him, and Hermione was opening her mouth, no doubt ready to tell him exactly what he’d done wrong. Which only made it worse that he really thought he’d done everything right this time. He snatched Scabbers off the desk (eww, the base of the cup had the same texture as rat feet) and turned away from Hermione. He made the wand movement again, picturing in his mind the way McGonagall had demonstrated it. “Erreverto.” “Erreverto. Erreverto. Erreverto.” It didn’t work. It didn’t work when Professor McGonagall stopped by and gave Hermione two points for Gryffindor for getting the spell perfect in both directions. It didn’t work when Harry made his successful transfiguration (Ron looked; the pattern was a little bit furry but it was definitely a teacup). Ron’s lips formed the shape of a word that would’ve made his mother box his ears had she heard it and attempted the reverse transfiguration, which didn’t work either. Finally, faced not only with the indignity of failure but the threat of Scabbers being stuck like that, he’d gone up to Professor McGonagall’s desk. “Um, Professor?” Professor McGonagall looked up from the paper she was grading and looked from him to the squirming teacup. “Problems, Mr. Weasley?” “Um, yeah, Professor. I can’t get it to work in either direction and it’s not fair to Scabbers to make him stay as a teacup just because I can’t do a spell right and can you maybe … ?” “I suppose so, Mr. Weasley,” she said, and waved her wand in the exact manner Ron had been doing all along. Nothing happened. Professor McGonagall looked very, very puzzled. “Now that’s odd,” she said softly. As one, the other students rose from their seats and quietly moved closer. She did not attempt the transfiguration in the other direction. Instead, she made a complex motion with her wand and murmured an incantation that possibly only Hermione recognized. The teacup squeaked. Professor McGonagall looked more puzzled than ever, and made a sweeping wand movement that ended with a sharp jab and uttered, “Arcanum finite!” And there was a loud bang, and there was a pale, pudgy, and very naked man sprawled out on her desk, and she jumped back hard enough to knock her chair into the wall and screamed. - Having taught a particularly rigorous course of magical study to children and teens for quite some time now, Minerva McGonagall had become accustomed to certain things. Students who didn’t listen. Students who did rude things to the mice when they thought she wasn’t looking. Students who accidentally turned a frog or a raven into a flock of starlings or a school of strange slimy South American fish (and tried to solve the immediate problem by filling the classroom with two feet of water, neglecting to consider the gap under the door). Students who tried to transfigure their noses into a more appealing shape and wound up in the hospital wing regrowing their nostrils. Naked men on her desk was something Minerva McGonagall had never had an occasion to get used to. What made it worse was that she recognized this one, and he’d been dead for more than a decade. Inferius! was her first thought, followed shortly thereafter by Animagus, which collided with Peter Pettigrew! and produced the utterly horrifying thought of what if all four of them were Animagi? which didn’t bear thinking about at all, so her brain jumped to if he wasn’t killed by a Dark Wizard then why didn’t he say so? and realized there was only one possible explanation why, and about that time her eyes registered that parts of Peter Pettigrew she really doesn’t want to know about were flopping about in front of her face, and she was screaming as she jumped back. The flow of invective which followed somehow failed to surprise her one bit. Some part of her registered, peripherally, the shocked faces of her students, but most of her attention was directed at Peter Pettigrew, who at very least faked his own death and at worst framed Sirius Black and if Black didn’t betray the Potters then who … did. And the words poured out of her, filthy English and filthier Latin while Pettigrew squirmed on the table, his face rage and guilt and fear and something shifty and contemptible, and he turned to look at the stunned students and lunged for Ron Weasley’s wand. - Severus Snape had reached the Entrance Hall by the time the scream died away and the invective replaced it. He almost smirked, amid the alarm; of all the things he’d never expected to hear from Minerva McGonagall … he took the stairs two at a time, still not noticing the students who followed. He did notice the Herbology class, which had stopped on the way to the Infirmary and were staring transfixed in the direction of the Transfiguration classroom, but pushed his way through them, getting Venomous Tentacula pollen all over his robes in the process. From the other end of the corridor came Professor Flitwick’s Charms class, with Professor Flitwick bringing up the rear and pushing his way between students. - Ron looked stunned as the man who’d been his pet rat snatched the wand from his hand; Professor McGonagal’s expression shifted to one beyond fury and when the entire class recoiled, it wasn’t from the naked man with the wand. “Laedo!“ Minerva McGonagall roared. - Ron Weasley’s wand cast a Splintering Curse many years beyond its rightful owner’s abilities, and it did Peter Pettigrew the poor favor of eliminating the door, which might have slowed him down a bit. - Severus Snape flailed and skidded to a halt as the Transfiguration classroom’s door shattered. He stepped back just in time, and stared, jaw dropped in shock, as a naked man he recognized from his school days flew past him and bellyflopped against the wall, bounced, and collapsed to the ground just in time to avoid the “Exitium!” which followed and vaporized an impresive chunk of the castle’s stone wall. Fred and George and Lee Jordan, determined to stay at the front of the crowd, had been pushed almost against Professor Snape by their fellow Potions classmates and some pollen-coated Hufflepuffs. Fred squirmed aside hastily as Professor McGonagall appeared in the doorway, the look on her face so utterly livid that Professors Snape and Flitwick both reflexively stepped back. Snape tripped over George’s foot and fell against a knot of Hufflepuffs, releasing another cloud of pollen and knocking them backwards. Pettigrew saw his opportunity and took it, scrambling to his feet, stumbling sideways, and launching himself towards the gap. And Minerva McGonagall made a thrust with her wand and said, “Perdo.” In the very loud silence which followed, Filius Flitwick squeaked, “The Splinching Charm, Minerva?” She might’ve looked embarrassed for a moment, and then she smiled as she looked down at Pettigrew, who lay on his belly, his arms and legs lying akimbo some distance away. “Unorthodox,” she said, “but useful in a pinch. If someone would inform the Headmaster, and send an owl to the Ministry—-not Fudge, not Crouch, someone competent—-Shacklebolt, perhaps. Students, return to your classrooms, please. Mr. Weasley, I’m very sorry, but I do believe it’s impossible to return you your rat. However, the zero I was going to have to give you for the day’s work is entirely undeserved, as you were not transfiguring a normal rat. You may make the lesson up any time this week.” - The story was, of course, much embellished by the time it reached all the students. Versions of it had the intruder peppering Snape with a Glitter Hex or transfiguring Ron’s rat into a pair of boxers, and people had to be disabused of the notion that it had been Voldemort who’d been hiding as a rat all this time. Snape gave both Weasley twins detention for tripping him, and took forty-seven points total from Gryffindor over the next few weeks for various pretend-subtle pollen references. Kingsley Shacklebolt showed up with a team of Aurors in time to meet Professor Dumbledore; the Wizengamot launched an investigation into the events surrounding the Potters’ murder; the results turned into a scandal which saw the release of Sirius Black and the forced resignation of both Director Bartemious Crouch and Minister Cornelius Fudge. Director of Magical Law Enforcement Amelia Bones was confirmed as Minister of Magic shortly thereafte, and the Daily Prophet reported that Sirius Black (“Godfather to the Boy-Who-Lived!” “Framed, Abandoned, Condemned to Living Hell!” “Heart-Wrenching: His Release In Pictures, Page 17!”) was considering applying for a teaching position at Hogwarts, “but just for a year, I’ve been cursed enough for one lifetime.” (“The Prophet reminds its readers that the so-called “curse” on a certain Hogwarts teaching position is almost certainly a mere string of coincidences.”) And, Minerva thought with relish some months later, it was almost three weeks before anyone attempted messing around in her class. A personal record. I’ve probably reblogged this before but I’m going to do it again right now I think this is literally the best au this entire fandom has produced I’ve only seen this legendary bit of writing in memes and screenshots. I feel so blessed to see it in person. Beautiful, simply beautiful! Reblogging my own post because a) it’s my damn horn and I’ll blow it if I want to, and b) I just (finally!) cross-posted this to Archive Of Our Own, so if anybody wants to go read it over there, here it is. YESSSSSSS!  Love it!!
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Apparently, Chill, and Food: 5/2/2018 There I was, enjoying a night filled with libations, good conversation, and merriment when it all came grinding to a halt thanks to a "wolf in waitress' clothing." Being a poor student, yet feeling magnanimous, I decided to pay for my table's drinks. I sacrificed a small animal, and lo and behold a demon appeared. With fiery red hair, and a scowl to match, she told me she'd be happy to fetch the bill. She said her name was Melissa--l assume this was her human" name, since revealing her true form would surely destroy the entire establishment. I paid the bill with my debit card and fearing that my funds were running low, I left a 10 percent tip on the bill (just drinks mind you). Before l could leave the rest of the tip in cash, the check was snatched by her talons, and in a blaze she was gone Moments later, I felt the icy touch of death on my back, with the words "was there something wrong with the service?" spoken through forked tongue, sending a chill up my spine Apologetically, I began to explain that everything was fine and hurriedly fumbled through my wallet for a greater offering to the beast. Ashamed, I left the required (apparently) cash on the table, taking the tip to about 18 percent. Wanting to make a quick getaway lest I receive another dirty look, I gathered my party (about 4 people each of whom tipped tipped to compensate my portion) and we began to exit. On my way out the door, Melissa felt the need to announce to the entire building that "that guy only left a 10 percent tip!" Defeated, degraded, and emasculated I left her lair and called the manager the next day. He told me that "this is really an issue for the owner" and never called me back. Overall, summit gets 5 stars for location, board games, and food My waitress, however, gets 1 star and can go eat a fart. Was this review...? UsefulFunnyCool Because shes the

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Crazy, Disney, and Facts: When making The Incredibles, director Brad Bird intentionally used artists who were likely to either quit or be fired from Pixar, because he believed only they could create everything that he needed Ultrafacts.tumblr.com haleykynz: poppypng: fearsome-fandoms: arseniccupcakes: rootbeersweetheart: ultrafacts: Brad Bird told The McKinsey Quarterly in 2008, “The Incredibles was everything that computer-generated animation had trouble doing. It had human characters. It had hair. It had fire. It had a massive number of sets. The technical team took one look and thought, ‘This will take ten years and cost $500 million. How are we possibly going to do this?’ “So I said, ‘Give us the black sheep. I want artists who are frustrated. I want ones who have another way of doing things that nobody’s listening to. Give us all the guys who are probably headed out the door’. A lot of them were malcontents because they saw different ways of doing things, but there was little opportunity to try them, since the established way was working very, very well. “We gave the black sheep a chance to prove their theories, and we changed the way a number of things are done here (at Pixar). For less money per minute than was spent on the previous film, Finding Nemo, we did a movie that had three times the number of sets and had everything that was hard to do. All this because the heads of Pixar gave us leave to try crazy ideas. [x] (Fact Source) Follow Ultrafacts for more facts Brad Bird, please take over Disney save us all Brad He also voiced edna mode in the movie because nobody else could get what they had in mind for her right. He did the same thing with his first feature film, “The Iron Giant” most of the people who worked on the film were inexperienced but Brad gave them a chance, he’s a great director (and animator) An icon

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Be Like, Comfortable, and Condom: Mousie If a boy ever tells you he's too big for a condom, please send him this magic-retina: siphersaysstuff: megabeeprime: snyderman37: anxiousartisan: paladinpup: kramergate: just because it “fits” doesnt mean its comfortable or sustainable stopppppppp this shit There are two main factors at play when someone says that a condom is too small: (1) the band size is too small (2) the condom is not sustainable The band is at the base of the condom. It’s latex is made thicker here than the shaft and is, therefore, less elastic. The band keeps the condom secure so it does not come off mid-insertion and so penial fluids do not leak from the condom. To do this, the band has to keep a very tight grip on the base of the penis. This is the main complaint from people using condoms too small for them. The shaft’s plastic can stretch comfortably, but the band is not so lenient and uncomfortably or painfully squeezes the base of the penis. Condoms in use experience a lot of friction. For a condom’s shaft or band to be stretched farther than it was intended weakens the latex. The band and shaft are then at risk of being broken from the friction. It fitting does not mean it is sustainable. If your partner says a condom is too small, believe them and cease from doing anything that requires a condom. If your partner says a condom is too small but is trying to pressure you into unprotected sex, kick them out the door.  Thaaaank you please read the above they make large and XXL condoms for a reason and it’s not to stoke men’s egos A former… friend suggested I try a size or two larger, and yes, they do work. Yep. At first, I thought that condoms were supposed to be that tight. I’d seen those “condoms can fit on a two liter bottle so quit your complaining,” I had no basis for comparison because dudes don’t talk about that shit, and no one wants to be that “HURR HURR GUESS I NEED A MAGNUM XL” guy. Now wear that condom on your arm for a while. Ten minutes at least. Still got sensation in your arm? One of the many failures of sex ed in this country is the notion that there’s only two types of condom, “fits everyone except those elephant-trunk-cock freaks” and “for elephant-trunk-cock freaks or lying braggarts” (and yes, there’s implicit shame in the idea of people needing non-”regular”-sized condoms and the genesis for such is pretty likely rooted in some really nasty viewpoints about certain groups of people but I’m digressing). But penises come in a LOT of dimensions, and not all of them fit right in a “normal” condom. You don’t need to have a monster down there for a condom to be legitimately painful and/or break mid-act. This can leave a lot of people legitimately unawares that it doesn’t have to be like this. (I was, early on.) Condom too tight? That’s a real problem for the reasons pointed out above. But it’s a solvable one at most drug stores, which generally have a broader (ha ha) selection than your Walmarts or Targets. Or suck it up (ha ha) and go to an “adult boutique” (a proper one) where they’re likely to have even more options and let’s be real here the people working at these aren’t gonna give you Looks over condom selection. Or shop at said boutiques online if you REALLY need to avoid the in-person thing. And if you think you’re gonna be doing things requiring condoms, HAVE YOUR OWN. Yes, even if you personally don’t have a penis. Buy a box of large-size as well just in case. And don’t let anyone give you guff over it, and don’t let anyone pressure you into unprotected sex because of condom size. For the record, even if you’re doing things that don’t involve a penis at all, condoms are good to have around. They make great dental dams on the fly, keep toys clean, and keep body parts clean if your partner is using their hands. :) Also, keep some non-latex ones around in case you or your partner has a latex allergy. Trust me, there are few places worse to have that allergic reaction. o_o
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Crazy, Disney, and Facts: When making The Incredibles, director Brad Bird intentionally used artists who were likely to either quit or be fired from Pixar, because he believed only they could create everything that he needed Ultrafacts.tumblr.com poppypng: fearsome-fandoms: arseniccupcakes: rootbeersweetheart: ultrafacts: Brad Bird told The McKinsey Quarterly in 2008, “The Incredibles was everything that computer-generated animation had trouble doing. It had human characters. It had hair. It had fire. It had a massive number of sets. The technical team took one look and thought, ‘This will take ten years and cost $500 million. How are we possibly going to do this?’ “So I said, ‘Give us the black sheep. I want artists who are frustrated. I want ones who have another way of doing things that nobody’s listening to. Give us all the guys who are probably headed out the door’. A lot of them were malcontents because they saw different ways of doing things, but there was little opportunity to try them, since the established way was working very, very well. “We gave the black sheep a chance to prove their theories, and we changed the way a number of things are done here (at Pixar). For less money per minute than was spent on the previous film, Finding Nemo, we did a movie that had three times the number of sets and had everything that was hard to do. All this because the heads of Pixar gave us leave to try crazy ideas. [x] (Fact Source) Follow Ultrafacts for more facts Brad Bird, please take over Disney save us all Brad He also voiced edna mode in the movie because nobody else could get what they had in mind for her right. He did the same thing with his first feature film, “The Iron Giant” most of the people who worked on the film were inexperienced but Brad gave them a chance, he’s a great director (and animator)

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Crazy, Disney, and Facts: When making The Incredibles, director Brad Bird intentionally used artists who were likely to either quit or be fired from Pixar, because he believed only they could create everything that he needed Ultrafacts.tumblr.com <p><a href="https://poppypng.tumblr.com/post/169550950636/fearsome-fandoms-arseniccupcakes" class="tumblr_blog">poppypng</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://fearsome-fandoms.tumblr.com/post/127092245973">fearsome-fandoms</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://arseniccupcakes.tumblr.com/post/120745404571">arseniccupcakes</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://rootbeersweetheart.tumblr.com/post/120710579944">rootbeersweetheart</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://ultrafacts.tumblr.com/post/120200406039">ultrafacts</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>Brad Bird told The McKinsey Quarterly in 2008, “The Incredibles was everything that computer-generated animation had trouble doing. It had human characters. It had hair. It had fire. It had a massive number of sets. The technical team took one look and thought, ‘This will take ten years and cost $500 million. How are we possibly going to do this?’</p> <p><b>“So I said, ‘Give us the black sheep. I want artists who are frustrated. I want ones who have another way of doing things that nobody’s listening to. Give us all the guys who are probably headed out the door’. A lot of them were malcontents because they saw different ways of doing things, but there was little opportunity to try them, since the established way was working very, very well.</b></p> <p>“We gave the black sheep a chance to prove their theories, and we changed the way a number of things are done here (at Pixar). For less money per minute than was spent on the previous film, Finding Nemo, we did a movie that had three times the number of sets and had everything that was hard to do. All this because the heads of Pixar gave us leave to try crazy ideas. <b><a href="http://cartoonresearch.com/index.php/animation-anecdotes-212/">[x]</a></b></p> <p> <a href="http://cartoonresearch.com/index.php/animation-anecdotes-212/">(Fact Source)</a> Follow <a href="http://ultrafacts.tumblr.com/"><b>Ultrafacts</b></a> for more facts <br/></p> </blockquote> <p>Brad Bird, please take over Disney</p> </blockquote> <p>save us all Brad</p> </blockquote> <p>He also voiced edna mode in the movie because nobody else could get what they had in mind for her right.<br/></p> </blockquote> <p>He did the same thing with his first feature film, “The Iron Giant” most of the people who worked on the film were inexperienced but Brad gave them a chance, he’s a great director (and animator)</p> </blockquote>

poppypng: fearsome-fandoms: arseniccupcakes: rootbeersweetheart: ultrafacts: Brad Bird told The McKinsey Quarterly in 2008, “The Incred...

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Crazy, Disney, and Facts: When making The Incredibles, director Brad Bird intentionally used artists who were likely to either quit or be fired from Pixar, because he believed only they could create everything that he needed Ultrafacts.tumblr.com poppypng: fearsome-fandoms: arseniccupcakes: rootbeersweetheart: ultrafacts: Brad Bird told The McKinsey Quarterly in 2008, “The Incredibles was everything that computer-generated animation had trouble doing. It had human characters. It had hair. It had fire. It had a massive number of sets. The technical team took one look and thought, ‘This will take ten years and cost $500 million. How are we possibly going to do this?’ “So I said, ‘Give us the black sheep. I want artists who are frustrated. I want ones who have another way of doing things that nobody’s listening to. Give us all the guys who are probably headed out the door’. A lot of them were malcontents because they saw different ways of doing things, but there was little opportunity to try them, since the established way was working very, very well. “We gave the black sheep a chance to prove their theories, and we changed the way a number of things are done here (at Pixar). For less money per minute than was spent on the previous film, Finding Nemo, we did a movie that had three times the number of sets and had everything that was hard to do. All this because the heads of Pixar gave us leave to try crazy ideas. [x] (Fact Source) Follow Ultrafacts for more facts Brad Bird, please take over Disney save us all Brad He also voiced edna mode in the movie because nobody else could get what they had in mind for her right. He did the same thing with his first feature film, “The Iron Giant” most of the people who worked on the film were inexperienced but Brad gave them a chance, he’s a great director (and animator)

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Af, Ass, and Bitch: That one shit where you gotta get ass naked and sit there and contemplate life and wonder if this stomach pain even worth it 0.0 BRUHHHHH I ALMOST FORGOT TO TELL THIS STORY. Ight so today I worked a 5-8 shift so I wasn’t really doing anything. I was just standing at front counter and suddenly one of my coworkers walks in. He wasn’t scheduled to work, but he just slid through to do his homework or whatever. So me and him having a conversation about whatever the fuck and these 2 African Americans, male and female amble into the store and they’re talking really loud. Like black girl in the mornings at school loud. It was kinda obvious they were arguing, and me and my coworker (I’ll call him Alex) could hear what they were saying as they stood in line. “What the fuck do you want?” So from my observations so far, they were dating and mans was frustrated with his girl. “Quit fucking rushing me damn.” “We’ve been to 4 different places already YoQuiesha damn.” So the bitch name is YoQuiesha? Hawwww man 💀 “Ronny ion wanna hear yo fucking mouth right now.” So they stand there for like 3 mins straight and still haven’t gone up to the register. Ronny is visibly flustered and he keeps putting his hands on his head and pacing. Nigga was ready to swing. “YOQUIESHA!” This nigga said that shit so loud the whole store turned they head 💀 this nigga Ronny hyperventilating like a 9 year old that just got his ass beat. But YoQuiesha came back with some heat: “Ronny IM SICK AND TIRED of yo lil dick ass making a fucking scene like we in a goddamn play or some shit. And why the fuck you bring me to Chick Fil A and you only got 5 dollars? Nigga ain’t nobody eating shit here with 5 dollars.” First of all, she ain’t lying. Me and Alex just sitting there covering our mouths trying not to laugh 💀 So idk if Ronny was embarrassed or what but he pulls his shorts up and walks fast af out the door😭😭😭 mans had enough word to my nigga Eugene. Anyways moral of the story is, Asians and white girls all 2018 >>>>
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