🔥 Popular | Latest

America, Fire, and Head: S minutes ago I think that every classroom in America should have a fire extinguisher. Hear me out on my reason why When a school goes into lockdown, each classroom is pretty much a bunch of sitting ducks. If an attacker gets through the door, the teacher needs to engage them. Fighting back is all you can do at that point. Arming staff members opens up a huge can of worms and potentially more harm than good. But, what about fire extinguishers? What if, when a school went into lockdown, every teacher grabbed a fire extinguisher? If you're up against the wall next to the classroom's door, you should have a split second to make a first move. Pull. Aim. If he gets in, squeeze. The attacker is now engulfed in a cloud of white smoke. The white powder (potassiunm bicarbonate and CO2 mix) is now in his eyes ears and lungs. He can't see, and his oxygen has just been replaced with CO2 that is so cold his throat is being freezer burned. At some point, he's going to drop the weapon. If he's not going gone unconscious yet, hit him over the head as hard as you can with the extinguisher. You WILL knock him unconscious. Evacuate and let authorities take over Is this a foolproof method to stop the increasing numbers of attacks in our schools? No, but a freaking $30 fire extinguisher, which will cost even less when bought in bulk, is a start. If we can spend $720,000,000 in Iraq every day, I'm pretty sure we can put a fire extinguisher in every classroom in America it's less than $1 a student. That's a pretty cheap insurance policy, don't you think? (Please, feel free to share this) srsfunny:It’s Less Than $1 A Student

srsfunny:It’s Less Than $1 A Student

Save
America, Fire, and Head: S minutes ago I think that every classroom in America should have a fire extinguisher. Hear me out on my reason why When a school goes into lockdown, each classroom is pretty much a bunch of sitting ducks. If an attacker gets through the door, the teacher needs to engage them. Fighting back is all you can do at that point. Arming staff members opens up a huge can of worms and potentially more harm than good. But, what about fire extinguishers? What if, when a school went into lockdown, every teacher grabbed a fire extinguisher? If you're up against the wall next to the classroom's door, you should have a split second to make a first move. Pull. Aim. If he gets in, squeeze. The attacker is now engulfed in a cloud of white smoke. The white powder (potassiunm bicarbonate and CO2 mix) is now in his eyes ears and lungs. He can't see, and his oxygen has just been replaced with CO2 that is so cold his throat is being freezer burned. At some point, he's going to drop the weapon. If he's not going gone unconscious yet, hit him over the head as hard as you can with the extinguisher. You WILL knock him unconscious. Evacuate and let authorities take over Is this a foolproof method to stop the increasing numbers of attacks in our schools? No, but a freaking $30 fire extinguisher, which will cost even less when bought in bulk, is a start. If we can spend $720,000,000 in Iraq every day, I'm pretty sure we can put a fire extinguisher in every classroom in America it's less than $1 a student. That's a pretty cheap insurance policy, don't you think? (Please, feel free to share this) whitefox55: sixpenceee: Wow. Give the OP a medal or something.

whitefox55: sixpenceee: Wow. Give the OP a medal or something.

Save
Ariel, Community, and Crazy: Yes. You wish and you dream with all your little heart But you remember, lTiana, that that old star can only take you part of the way You got to help it along with some hard work of your owrn, and then, yeah, you can do anything you set your mind to cephalopodvictorious: roarkshop: natvarmac: datunofficialdisneyprincess: theassofremylebeau: Best lesson from a Disney movie This is an underrated movie This is a grossly underrated movie. Can I take a minute to rant? Good. Cuz I’m gonna. I FLOVE this movie. And I HATE all the stupid hatred it gets. For a long time the buzz was “finally a black princess yay!” and now everyone is like “Fuck this movie, first black princess and she spends the whole movie a frog.” You know what? Fuck that. Because Ariel spent a good majority of the movie not talking. Mulan spent the majority of the move pretending to be a man. Aurora and Snow White? Asleep (Hardly in the movie at all). They’re all just plot devices, not designed to take away from the traits of the women.  And you know what else? Unlike some of the other princesses, Tiana is in control of her destiny every step of the way. When she turns into the frog does she lose hope and need rescuing? Hell naw. She busts Naveen over the head and gets the job done. She is consistently responsible and capable even after having her dreams crushed and turning into a freaking frog.  So don’t tell me that Tiana is “less than” just because she gets turned into a frog. She’s still one of the most hardworking, badass, and capable chicks in animated history and I love her like crazy cakes.  the end.  Also? She’s based on a real person. A real woman who is 91 and is still cooking in her kitchen. She’s still widely respected in the culinary community, she’s fed presidents, she’s had songs written about her and her restaurants. She’s 91, and she still wakes up every morning to run things, because she still believes in hard work and good food. And if you don’t think that’s truly fantastic, then you can just fuck right off.
Save
Christmas, Dude, and Goals: angryvoiddetective: bunjywunjy: karn-libated: saunter-vaguely-into-a-bookshop: iamemeraldfox: simonalkenmayer: build-a-diy: 8-foot giant squid pillow. You’ll need: 2 yards of felt 1 yard of patterned fabric (I suggest a polka dot-type pattern so it looks like suction cups) 1 medium piece of black felt, 1 medium piece of white felt (for the eyes) white thread, black thread and thread of the same color as the felt you’re using pins about 5 lbs. of stuffing a couple big sheets of paper to draw your pattern First, you need to draw out your patterns. Here’s a basic template to get you started, although most of the measurements are reasonably fudgeable. If in the likely event you don’t have any four-foot-long pieces of paper lying around, just tape a few pieces together. Once you’ve drawn out your eight patterns, it’s time to cut the fabric. Pin the pattern to the fabric, laid flat, and cut out the following, leaving a half an inch or so of extra fabric around the edge of the pattern: FOR THE ARMS: 8 felt and 8 fabric cutouts of piece 1 FOR THE, UH, LONGER ARMS: 2 felt and 2 fabric cutouts of piece 2 FOR THE BODY: 2 felt cutouts of piece 3 FOR THE FIN: 4 felt cutouts of piece 4 FOR THE HEAD: 1 felt cutouts of piece 6 FOR THE EYES: 2 white felt cutouts of piece 7 and 2 black felt cutouts of piece 8 So now you’ve got all your pieces ready, it’s time to start sewing them together. I did mine by hand because my sewing machine is busted and I get a kind of Zen buzz from sewing by hand, but if you have a non-busted one I recommend that you use it as it will be MUCH EASIER. You’re going to be sewing everything with the nice side of the fabric facing in, then turning it inside out to stuff it. THE ARMS: (To make a quilted pattern that looks like suckers, see this other post). Pin together one patterned fabric piece 1 and one felt piece 1 (with the nice sides facing the inside). Sew down around the U-shape and back up, leaving the top open. Then turn the arm inside out, stuff it (it’s easiest to do both of these things if you sort of scrunch it up like you’re trying to put on a pair of tights, excuse the non-dude-friendly reference) and sew the top closed. Do the same for the other seven arms and rejoice in the fact that this is the most tedious part. Same deal with the two long arms, they’re just harder to stuff. THE FINS: Pin together two of your piece 4s and sew together the curvy outer edge. Turn the piece inside out, so the seam you just sewed is on the inside, and start sewing up the other side, stuffing gradually as you go along. You should end up with a triangle-ish puffy thing. Repeat for the other two piece 4s. THE BODY: Put down one piece 3, then place the two fins you have down with the point up and the curvy side pointing in, then make a sandwich by putting the other piece 3 down on top. Pin it all together and sew around the edges with the two fins still inside, as shown. Turn it inside out and move on to… THE HEAD: So take piece 6 and the ten arms you’ve already done. Lay the arms, fabric side facing you, out with the arms’ top seams in a line half an inch from the top of piece 6. The order should be arm arm arm arm BIG ARM arm arm arm arm BIG ARM. The legs should be almost entirely covering piece 6. Pin them in place and sew a straight line through the individual legs seams to attach the legs to piece 6. When you pick up the other side of piece 6, you now have something resembling a really weird untied hula skirt. Sew together the two 9-inch ends of piece 6 with the fabric side of the arms on the outside, and keep it inside out for the moment. PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER: Fit the open end of the body through the arms (still fabric side facing out) and pull the edge all the way through the felt cylinder so it’s even with the edge that DOESN’T have arms attached to it. Sew around the diameters of the head cylinder and the body cylinder to attach them, then pull the legs down over the head and you’re almost done! Stuff the body, then seal it off by sewing piece 5 over the open end (even if you do have a functional sewing machine, you’ll probably have to do this part by hand). THE EYES: Sew the black circles on the white circles and whipstitch the eyes onto the head. You do this last because you can’t tell where they’re going to end up on the end product if you put them on before stuffing the body. Oh my! The only plushie I’d allow on my couch. Goals tbh I adore this @bunjywunjy this seems like your kind of squid a friend of mine has one of these in red and green plaid and we called him Christmas Squid and used him instead of a tree @ceriseal

angryvoiddetective: bunjywunjy: karn-libated: saunter-vaguely-into-a-bookshop: iamemeraldfox: simonalkenmayer: build-a-diy: 8-foot gi...

Save
Beautiful, Bless Up, and Dogs: EVERYONE LOOK AT MY DOG AND NEIGHBOR DOGS BOOPING NOSES 3 Now a lot of my friends are moving up from taking VP roles to executive roles at companies. CFO. U feel me? COO. Etc etc. Or if the company is huge, CEO of a particular division. Now when my homies use to take jobs, they would say "I landed a new gig". Now they say it different. "I got my deal done" or " I cut my deal." NOTE THE DIFFERENCE. "I landed a gig" = "a company was kind enough to hire me." Whereas: "I cut my deal" = "a company reached out to me trying to fuck around so I had to let them know that the salary, bonus and stock grant was measly as FUCK then when I hit them over the head a few times, the price went up and I secured the bag." See that? "I cut my deal" means "I showed them what I was worth and they agreed so we reached an agreement." Learn from this. Never accept less than what u deserve UNLESS you're starting out. If u coming in as a entry level finance person at a company u won't have much wiggle room. But after 10-12 years of grinding, now YOU the valuable one. U feel me? U worked hard, yes - but they trained u AND they paid u while they did it because that's the beauty of capitalism. And what's more beautiful is now u can clean up and update your LinkedIn and see what else the world has to offer. NEVER SELL YOURSELF SHORT. KNOW WHAT YOU BRING TO THE TABLE. CUT YOUR DEAL. SECURE THE BAG. Ya get me? Money isn't everything but ISSA LOT OF THINGS bc it allow u to live right, travel, save, treat your friends, buy yo mama a lil Tiffany bracelet that would have been half price from Moshe the jeweler who got a lil storefront next door to the falafel shop but U wanna surprise mama with that pastel blue lil "Tiffany" box and not that nondescript lil bag that Moshe give out lol u feel me? Levels. We all just tryina level up. May God bless all of u in ALL your endeavors. It's a hard grind but hopefully the reward is sweet. Bless up 😍❤️
Save
America, At-St, and Doctor: BAT-WIELDING THUG TAKES OFF Mugger's Trumped Donald stops attack Dy JAMES ROSEN Call it The Donald to The Rescue. When he saw "a big guy with a big bat" bashing anoth- er fellow, Donald Trump did what any self respecting billionaire would do: He ordered his driver to pull over. "I'm not looking to play this thing up," Trump said yes. terday. "I'm surprised you found out about it." Marla Maples said Trump. with n Manhattan said eries of Witnesses tugging at his arm to "There's Trump went through try to stop him, leaped from his the crowd of onlookers. black stretch limousine Monday A lot of people were surprised evening during the assault on that he got out to see what was hap Ninth Ave, near 45th St. pening." Romeo said, adding that the bat wielder ran ofr just before Brutal-looking Trump actually appeared and that "Someone in the car looked over Tnimp, "just looked around and and said, Gee, look at that, it's went back into his limo. I said to mugging, Trump sa r witness, who as my driver to stop the car because it as brutal looking," was a guy with a bat, hitting a guy Trump was at nrst reluctant to over the head, and Trump yelled discuss his daredevil deed. but Put that bat down. What are you then he warmed to the task doing? The guy dropped the bat, "The guy with the bat looked at came over and started talking t me, and I said, 'Look, you've gotta stop this Put down the bat. Trump said the bat man deli Trump said, "I guess he recognized ered at least "five or six good nse because he said, "Mr Trump, I whacks" before Toump interceded didn't do anything wrong I said Trump said he left the site only How could you not do anything after he man who appeared wrong when you're whacking a guy to be a doctor treating the victim with a Then he ran away and heard that an ambulance was Trump said the incident oc- on its way curred at 8 pm, as he Maples and Police said the attack was not re another couple were heading to. ward the Lincoln Tunnel on their The incident may have been a way to the Meadowlands for a Pan karmic sequel to the Oct. 31 mug- la Abdul concert. ging of Trump's mother, M mp emerges from limo much ike the one he jumpodout of to Kathleen Romeo, a 16yearol whose attacker was chat student at St. Michael's Acadegu... v 01 pa Repost @students4trump ・・・ Throwback to that time the future President of the United States stopped a mugging. 🇺🇸 • • • studentsfortrump donaldtrump students millennials millennial maga makeamericagreatagain classictrump trump usa america american hero presidenttrump potus potus45 presidenttrump

Repost @students4trump ・・・ Throwback to that time the future President of the United States stopped a mugging. 🇺🇸 • • • studentsfortrump don...

Save
Allahu Akbar, Appalled, and Apple: SESAME STREET .org After a deeply profound conversation, Tyrone, realized that just because he had white palms, didn't mean he could stop picking the cotton. At first he thought Grover was crazy. But as Grover's lecture went on, Bert steadily came to realize that jet fuel can't melt steel beams. Bert pees in the bathtub and notices an alarming amount of blood. Kermit shows off the severed head of grover, in order to strike fear into the souls of americans Bert smirks as he hears the air raid sirens. Ernie's war had begun at last. "Shit, Ernie, don't snort it! I told you this is heroin! Haven't you seen Pulp Fiction? SESAME STREET Grover demonstrates how far the law requires him to stay away from sexy sexy children. Reinvented by juansanity2 for iFunny Ernie's attempts to build a drug empire are set back when he realises he's grown the wrong plant. "I know it's going to be funny as Hell, but you can't laugh when they open the casket and see their son is missing. They'll know it was us." Ernie knew he remembered giving that slut Lanteesha enough money for the abortion. Elmo and Maria make a swift getaway after burning down another shop in Baltimore The hickey on Ernie's neck and the condom still on his nose confirmed Bert's suspicions: Ernie was cheating. After the Count calls Ernie's mom a "two cent crack whore", Bert struggles to restrain him. COM Ernie shows Bert who the biggest fag in the room is. Ernie feels he is no longer attractive to Bert. Bert knows it's true but doesn't say anything. Ernie prepares to commit a hate crime. Bert remains awestuck as Ernie confesses to his rampage of serial murders on the air. TIE TIMES Joe RI Ernie eyes the article on Big Bird's untimely death and worries the cops may be on to him Bert and Ernie write the word "Privilege" on a card and dangle it over the heads of a group of feminists to demonstrate how it will always be out of their reach. Bert plays with himself as he listens to Ernie's bathtub song Cookie Monster trips unbelievably hard on a cookie sized tab of LSD Ernie is shocked at the street price of crack these days APPLES SG Bert and Ernie undercut the current apple market value, forcing their competitors families into poverty As seen on EricAlper.com Elmo shouts at the phone, yelling to "blow the gooks to smithereens!" against the protests of his defense chief, who keeps trying to remind him that the war in Vietnam ended 40 years ago The other option is sellingthese little rocks Bert regrets cheaping out on the soundproofing in his sex dungeon when the screams of the Children inside keeps him awake at night. Ernie enjoys Bert's resistance as he fulfills his country girl rape fantasy. O o Ernie laughs as he tells the struggling, dying orphan, "I am the only one who cares about you" as he begins to penetrate her Bert and Ernie patiently wait in their attic as the Nazi's frantically search for them below. As Beaker tests Dr. Bunsen Honeydew s newly invented, fully functioning Rape Alarm, he is more than a little disquieted by the extremely strong signals it picks up. Dr. Honeydew chuckles to himself at Beaker's reaction, knowing full well that he won't be able to tell the cops what's about to happen to him "See the face in the glass Timmy? That's called a retard!" Grover pretends to not hear Mr. Johnson masturbating kids The whole neighborhood watches as Ernie viciously fucks Telly while taking a romantic bath together Bill Cosby and Oscar haggle over the price of some of Oscar's roofies 10 SESAME STREET Ernie forgets sign language for,"I wallowed s my entire sperm collection, it has congealed in my thro at and I am choking to death." Bert reassures a frightened Ernie by telling him that jet fuel can't melt sweet dreams. Rosita coaxes another Suicide Hotline caller into pulling the trigger, beating Telly's record of 12 The fresh smell of semen awakes Bert When Ernie finishes his masterpiece "It wasn't the fact we were killing children that disturbed me. We were at war, after all. It's the erection l got from doing it." With the bombing all over the papers, Bert knew they had to watch their step. Ernie could never keep his mouth shut. He'd have to go At that moment, Ernie realized the furry lifestyle just wasn't for him. Unfortunately, this realization came several seconds after Big Bird had buried himself to the hilt in the fursuit's quick-access assflap. Ernie, disappointed with Bert's fellatio skills, forces him to practice on random objects in the house. Ernie gives Bert a crash-course in how to behead infidels the right way according to the Quran. BERT SUDDENLY REALIZED THAT ERNIE'S FINAL SOLUTION HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH MATH. After having been frozen for 60 years, Bert learns of Hitler's defeat and the fall of the Reich. As Bert turns his head, he realizes that the Viet Cong are about to ambush his patrol. The door locks behind them. Ernie begins throwing darts with expert precision at all 100 balloons in the room, relentlessly triggering Bert's PTSD and shattering his psyche beyond repair. Bert and Ernie work tirelessly to plant landmines under the sand SESANE STREET "As-Salaam-Alaikum, Bert!" says Ernie as he returns from his vacation, hanging out with his pals in Somalia. Ernie tells Bert that his non-aryan ginger nephew, cannot enter his home. As the second H flashes on the television, Bert and Ernie are amazed that the signal has finally come. They shout "Heil Hitler" when they realize their brothers of the Fourth Reich have infiltrated the mass media. Elmo hates what Elmo is about to do, but Elmo has to feed Elmo's bloodlust. Cookie Monster tearfully informs his family the Gestapo officer ordered their immediate eviction and arranged transport to Auschwitz-Birkenau Bert and Ernie helps stage the Gleiwitz incident, giving Germany a pretext to invade Poland. Ernie and Bert are delighted when they discover that their plan to bring both Koreas to war might actually work Big Bird gets kidnapped by ISIS. SESAME STREET] Taking on a job at the morgue, Ernie has finally found a way to do good in the world If all those girls die as Virgins, they should at least not be buried as such Ernie exclaims loudly "Allahu Akbar!" as Bert banks towards the city's airspace. High on PCP, Cookie Monster lets out a blood-curdling battle cry as he catapults his body through 2 inches of solid brick SESAME STREET .org Kermit is baffled by this negro giving him his 3/5th of an opinion Bert and Ernie agree to drown their mentally retarded son, Bort Ernie learns the ups and downs of putting his dick in an ant hill. Ernie quickly realized that this was not milk that Bert had left out on the counter top. Ernie educates Bert about why the Japanese deserve a third nuclear bombing. As the facade of Auschwitz came into sight, the jew suddenly realized those weren't snowflakes he was catching on his tongue. Bert was not joking when he told Ernie he was going to "literally hit him with a fucking piano if he woke him up for some menial bullshit one more time". Bert is appalled by Ernie's plan to have a Make-A-Wish child sneak coke on set for them. Bert Was notimpressed by Ernie's proposed cover forgetting the goods out of Colombia Some of my favourite Sesame Street moments...
Save