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mybigfatgaylife: its-rowark: misanthrobot: rowan-oak-o-flow: delgt: xopachi: skwinky: lntruding: Have you ever been to earth? On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain: You’re an idiot. Let me further explain: Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern. Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY. When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito. And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what: Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND. Nope. My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET. You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers. And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE. What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN. I just want a burrito. In conclusion: You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys. UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”: A fucking fork? I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD. If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER. That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL. Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS. A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now. People eat burritos with forks? God is sorry he made us. (Source) I always need this on my blog. I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning.  Yes @kirkfuffle MY FAVORITE FUCKING POST IS BACK. Finally! I wanted to show this to my brother and I’ve been waiting over a year for it to come back! I want this post and one of the “be nice to underpaid workers” posts to fight it out in the Tumblr Performative Progressivism Thunderdome. : BEANS MOLE J MEAT CHBESE RKE CILAVIZO SALsA Dear Guy Who Just Made My Burrito: Lucky Shirt in Comedy Corner mybigfatgaylife: its-rowark: misanthrobot: rowan-oak-o-flow: delgt: xopachi: skwinky: lntruding: Have you ever been to earth? On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain: You’re an idiot. Let me further explain: Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern. Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY. When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito. And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what: Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND. Nope. My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET. You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers. And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE. What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN. I just want a burrito. In conclusion: You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys. UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”: A fucking fork? I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD. If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER. That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL. Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS. A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now. People eat burritos with forks? God is sorry he made us. (Source) I always need this on my blog. I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning.  Yes @kirkfuffle MY FAVORITE FUCKING POST IS BACK. Finally! I wanted to show this to my brother and I’ve been waiting over a year for it to come back! I want this post and one of the “be nice to underpaid workers” posts to fight it out in the Tumblr Performative Progressivism Thunderdome.
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hipsterkunt: valykas: onexfeatherxleft: marieluc76: gjmueller: upworthy: If your nude photos are posted online without your permission, Microsoft and Google want to know. For years, most victims of revenge porn — people who have had their nude photos shared online without permission — basically couldn’t do anything about it. According to one study, over 50% of all adults engage in sexting, and 70% admit to having received a nude photo online or over the phone. And yet, despite the fact that we all (or at least more than half of us) do it, there’s still this weird, persistent, harmful notion that if your naked pictures get leaked or shared maliciously by an ex online, it’s your fault for taking them in the first place. It’s completely backward, but sadly, the law seems to at least kind of agree. As of September 2014, New Republic found, putting someone else’s illicit photos online without their consent was illegal in just 16 states, though laws have been proposed in more states. Not only is it typically impossible to prosecute the perpetrator, they note, it’s impossible to legally compel websites to take the images taken down most of the time. But thankfully, Microsoft and Google — which operate two of the biggest search engines on the web — don’t think it’s your fault. And they’re finally saying “Enough is enough.” Here’s how to report a non-consensual image posting on Bing. And here’s how to do it on Google. Boost! Here’s another way to fight back from your friendly neighborhood law student! If you took these pictures yourself, you owe the copyrights to these pictures so in addition to taking down the pictures you can smack them with a lawsuit not only for intentional infliction of emotional distress BUT ALSO copyright infringement so he has to pay you anywhere from $750-$10,000 per photo posted, x5 damages if there’s willfulness/malice (which there always is). Bleed those creeps dry. I wish I knew this when someone posted mine online HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO IMPORTANT : hipsterkunt: valykas: onexfeatherxleft: marieluc76: gjmueller: upworthy: If your nude photos are posted online without your permission, Microsoft and Google want to know. For years, most victims of revenge porn — people who have had their nude photos shared online without permission — basically couldn’t do anything about it. According to one study, over 50% of all adults engage in sexting, and 70% admit to having received a nude photo online or over the phone. And yet, despite the fact that we all (or at least more than half of us) do it, there’s still this weird, persistent, harmful notion that if your naked pictures get leaked or shared maliciously by an ex online, it’s your fault for taking them in the first place. It’s completely backward, but sadly, the law seems to at least kind of agree. As of September 2014, New Republic found, putting someone else’s illicit photos online without their consent was illegal in just 16 states, though laws have been proposed in more states. Not only is it typically impossible to prosecute the perpetrator, they note, it’s impossible to legally compel websites to take the images taken down most of the time. But thankfully, Microsoft and Google — which operate two of the biggest search engines on the web — don’t think it’s your fault. And they’re finally saying “Enough is enough.” Here’s how to report a non-consensual image posting on Bing. And here’s how to do it on Google. Boost! Here’s another way to fight back from your friendly neighborhood law student! If you took these pictures yourself, you owe the copyrights to these pictures so in addition to taking down the pictures you can smack them with a lawsuit not only for intentional infliction of emotional distress BUT ALSO copyright infringement so he has to pay you anywhere from $750-$10,000 per photo posted, x5 damages if there’s willfulness/malice (which there always is). Bleed those creeps dry. I wish I knew this when someone posted mine online HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO IMPORTANT
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onyourleftbooob: geekandmisandry: c-bassmeow: People in poorer countries have a tendency to have more children that much is true but it’s NOT THE CAUSE of global poverty nor is it the reason why Africa specifically has suffered economically on average more than other continents. Hmmm the IDF, arbitrary drawing up of borders, the world bank, neoliberalism and austerity being pushed on African countries, imperialism, exploitation of natural resources, multi-national companies reaping profits off African labor and resources etc. so Macron can go suck a dick. Between 1970 and 2002 African nations received 540 billion dollars in loans from wealthy nations and the World Bank and since then they have paid back 550 billion, however they still owe 295 billion due to interest accrued in this time period. This was data from 2004 but the data is still relevant. Struggling nations needed assistance and they were given debt. We create the problem and the solution and then, fucking surprise, our solution is just another problem. It is pure exploitation. [source] : joe prince @joeprince_.3h Macron says Africa's problems are "civilizational" and blames women with "7 or 8" kids. A repugnant speech Politis 0:18 lli G20 GERMANY 2017 923 4065 3,919 joe prince @joeprince_.3h French President Emmanuel Macron is admired as a "model" for future centrist candidates in the America. This is appalling 402 V1,285 24 joe prince @joeprince__3h fun facts: my african father and jamaican mother were educated in their respective countries & only had 2 kids so Macron can shove it joe prince @joeprince *FRANCE SPENDS CENTURIES EXPLOITING AFRICA TO AMASS WEALTH*** MACRON: uh clearly they're dumb & uncivilized 7/10/17, 1:37 PM 1,525 Retweets 3,142 Likes @joeprince Here is the English translation of Macron's remarks, he tried to numb the clear racism of his comments with policy wonk jargon Translating: "The challenge of Africa is completely different, it is much deeper. It is civilizational today. Failing states, complex democratic transitions, the demographic transition, and I'll call back to what I said this morning... One of the essential challenges of Africa... [cut in audio, fades back in talking about a specific country]...one of the countries, that today has seven or eight children born to each woman. You can choose to spend thousands of euros, but you will stabilize nothing." onyourleftbooob: geekandmisandry: c-bassmeow: People in poorer countries have a tendency to have more children that much is true but it’s NOT THE CAUSE of global poverty nor is it the reason why Africa specifically has suffered economically on average more than other continents. Hmmm the IDF, arbitrary drawing up of borders, the world bank, neoliberalism and austerity being pushed on African countries, imperialism, exploitation of natural resources, multi-national companies reaping profits off African labor and resources etc. so Macron can go suck a dick. Between 1970 and 2002 African nations received 540 billion dollars in loans from wealthy nations and the World Bank and since then they have paid back 550 billion, however they still owe 295 billion due to interest accrued in this time period. This was data from 2004 but the data is still relevant. Struggling nations needed assistance and they were given debt. We create the problem and the solution and then, fucking surprise, our solution is just another problem. It is pure exploitation. [source]
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kingshootah: leggo-my-steggo: boyplease: lagonegirl: Nicki Minaj is offering to pay tuition for dozens of her followers on Twitter right now, as long as they have good grades. GOD I Love Black Celebrities making real shit like this  #NickiMinaj #BlackPride BITCH YESSS Actual angel Nicki Minaj. God she’s such a good role model! Reasons I’m working on pulling my grades up : NICKI MINAJ @NICKIMINAJ Show me straight A's that I can verify w/ur school and I'll pay it. Who wants to join THAT contest?!PM? Dead serious. Shld I set it up? cJ @cjbydesign Replying to @NICKIMINAJ Well you wanna pay for my tuition? NICKI MINAJ 38.2K Tweets TWEETS TWEETS & REPLIES MEDIA LIKES NICKI MINAJ @NICKIMINAJ- 24nm If u give me a 4.0 then l'll keep my end of the bargain. Royalty @PrinceJauan NICKI DONT PLAY. ILL GIVE YOU A 4.0 twitter.com/nickiminaj/sta.. 93 425 NICKI MINAJ @NICKIMINAJ 25nm Ok do u need help w/tuition or do u have a full scholarship? .Camilla繭@CJhereeee Replying to @NICKIMINAJ I Have a 4.0 I'm In Medical School! Wann Join!! Term start: 3/20/2017 Term end: 4/13/201 Grade Hours Completed 90.53 80.00 4/13/2017 Term: C1703-4 Child-March, 2017 4 Weeks Credits Credits Grade Numeric Clock Date Attempted Earned Course Description MA111-AC Fundamentals of Medical Assistir 5.00 5.00 A Term Credits Attempted: Term Credits Earned: Cum Credits Earned: 5.00 5.00 5.00 Term GPA: 4.00 75.00 Term Hours Scheduled: 80.00 Term Hours Attended: Dat 4.0 Poppin NICKI MINAJ 38.2K Tweets TWEETS TWEETS & REPLIES MEDIA LIKES KI MINAJ NICKIMINAJ 13m How much u owe? Oh, bitch nah!@HoneyGuwop been graduatedShe can hit up these student loans tho 140 345 NICKI MINAJ @NICKIMINAJ 13m That's it? I'll send it tmrw. dm me ur bank info babe. Next! Cesar @cesarszrn 1k would be more then enough for my 3 summer classes @NICKIMINAJ help me Nic 191 588 1,572 NICKI MINAJ How much do u need? @NICKIMINAJ -19m kyle @KahlDelMinaj Replying to @NICKIMINAJ NIC I STARTED OFF COLLEGE W A B A NICKI MINAJ 38.2K Tweets TWEETS TWEETS & REPLIES MEDIA LIKES NICKI MINAJ @NICKIMINAJ-7m Done. Dm ur info onikalovesme @Amaniinthecity @NICKIMINAJ 800 would help for my summer classes & books 105 317 NICKI MINAJ@NICKIMINAJ 8m How much is left after the scholarship? Ce MinajTM @Xxcesar33xX @NICKIMINAJ can you help me cover my fall 2017 quarter tuition? I've got a partial scholarship. #thekingdom 54 213 767 NICKI MINAJ @NICKIMINAJ 9m What is the 6K for? araj. ls@GetChoLife1 Honestly, I just need 6,000 then l'll be straight for college in the fall .人 kingshootah: leggo-my-steggo: boyplease: lagonegirl: Nicki Minaj is offering to pay tuition for dozens of her followers on Twitter right now, as long as they have good grades. GOD I Love Black Celebrities making real shit like this  #NickiMinaj #BlackPride BITCH YESSS Actual angel Nicki Minaj. God she’s such a good role model! Reasons I’m working on pulling my grades up
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