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inquisitorhotpants: burntcopper: futureevilscientist: optimysticals: uovoc: konec0: sleepyferret: shitfacedanon: dat-soldier: sonnetscrewdriver: dat-soldier: did-you-kno: Source back the fuck up There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up. So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him. The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off. Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes. did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out This just keeps getting better I fucking love history. ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire. The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked. On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro” and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing. and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave. Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.  and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked. Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river. Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.  Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows. Zhuge Liang is legend. I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History. If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff. Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this: Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang I fully support watching Red Cliff; it’s gloriously silly entertainment during the battle scenes. Guess what just got moved to the top of my watch list?? :D : inquisitorhotpants: burntcopper: futureevilscientist: optimysticals: uovoc: konec0: sleepyferret: shitfacedanon: dat-soldier: sonnetscrewdriver: dat-soldier: did-you-kno: Source back the fuck up There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up. So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him. The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off. Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes. did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out This just keeps getting better I fucking love history. ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire. The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked. On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro” and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing. and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave. Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.  and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked. Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river. Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.  Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows. Zhuge Liang is legend. I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History. If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff. Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this: Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang I fully support watching Red Cliff; it’s gloriously silly entertainment during the battle scenes. Guess what just got moved to the top of my watch list?? :D
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lotrlocked: weaselle: There was an arrest across the street from my place in Oakland one day – three cop cars with a bullhorn and guns out – and before I could even get out the gate there were a couple people posted up and one of them was filming and another one was narrating in a calm but very loud voice, just “HE IS COOPERATING! HIS HANDS ARE EMPTY! HE IS DOING WHAT HE IS TOLD TO DO! HE IS HOLDING STILL! HIS HANDS ARE EMPTY! HE IS NOT BEING THREATENING! HE HAS PUT HIS HANDS BEHIND HIS HEAD AS ASKED! HE IS NOT RESISTING!” and that was something I hadn’t thought to do before. It certainly let the cops know what the narrative of eye witnesses was going to be.  I especially liked “his hands are empty” because this statement would still be true and a witnessed reason the police should not become violent even if it turned out he had a weapon on his person somewhere. I see people in NYC stop and record a lot. Even if they are just being nosey, that’s still witnesses if shit goes down. : lotrlocked: weaselle: There was an arrest across the street from my place in Oakland one day – three cop cars with a bullhorn and guns out – and before I could even get out the gate there were a couple people posted up and one of them was filming and another one was narrating in a calm but very loud voice, just “HE IS COOPERATING! HIS HANDS ARE EMPTY! HE IS DOING WHAT HE IS TOLD TO DO! HE IS HOLDING STILL! HIS HANDS ARE EMPTY! HE IS NOT BEING THREATENING! HE HAS PUT HIS HANDS BEHIND HIS HEAD AS ASKED! HE IS NOT RESISTING!” and that was something I hadn’t thought to do before. It certainly let the cops know what the narrative of eye witnesses was going to be.  I especially liked “his hands are empty” because this statement would still be true and a witnessed reason the police should not become violent even if it turned out he had a weapon on his person somewhere. I see people in NYC stop and record a lot. Even if they are just being nosey, that’s still witnesses if shit goes down.
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feedmecookiesnow: not-the-blue: @fandomforoz art for @letsallsleepoverwork, who came up with the absolutely adorable idea of the hawkeyes braiding Bucky’s hair and painting his nails! thank you!!  I thought this was cute so I wrote a story for it. ** Practice on Me New York in August, Bucky thinks, is a special kind of hell. He’s laying on the floor of his apartment with the shades all drawn and a fan blasting directly on him. He’s wearing nothing but his boxers. His entire body is pressed to the cool hardwood of the floor. There’s a cold washcloth over his forehead. An iced water sitting next to him. And yet none of it is making a dent in the heat. It’s thick. It’s awful. It’s like breathing soup. “Definitely hell,” he says to the dark room. “One-hundred percent, Grade A, whole wheat hell.” His phone rings. Bucky cracks an eye open, then gropes around on the floor for it until he can stab at it. “What?” Clint’s voice echoes through the speaker. “Oooh, you sound angry. What’s wrong?” “I’m hot,” Bucky says. “My air conditioning is broke, and the guy can’t fix it until Friday.” “Oh god.” Clint sounds horrified. “That’s the worst thing I’ve heard today.” He pauses, and then says, “Well, second worst. My favorite taco guy was out of the spicy guacamole. I had to settle for regular.” “It must be hard being you,” Bucky says dryly, and Clint laughs. “Anyway. What do you want?” “I was going to ask if I could come over,” Clint says. “But I think now it would be better if you came to my place instead.” Keep reading : feedmecookiesnow: not-the-blue: @fandomforoz art for @letsallsleepoverwork, who came up with the absolutely adorable idea of the hawkeyes braiding Bucky’s hair and painting his nails! thank you!!  I thought this was cute so I wrote a story for it. ** Practice on Me New York in August, Bucky thinks, is a special kind of hell. He’s laying on the floor of his apartment with the shades all drawn and a fan blasting directly on him. He’s wearing nothing but his boxers. His entire body is pressed to the cool hardwood of the floor. There’s a cold washcloth over his forehead. An iced water sitting next to him. And yet none of it is making a dent in the heat. It’s thick. It’s awful. It’s like breathing soup. “Definitely hell,” he says to the dark room. “One-hundred percent, Grade A, whole wheat hell.” His phone rings. Bucky cracks an eye open, then gropes around on the floor for it until he can stab at it. “What?” Clint’s voice echoes through the speaker. “Oooh, you sound angry. What’s wrong?” “I’m hot,” Bucky says. “My air conditioning is broke, and the guy can’t fix it until Friday.” “Oh god.” Clint sounds horrified. “That’s the worst thing I’ve heard today.” He pauses, and then says, “Well, second worst. My favorite taco guy was out of the spicy guacamole. I had to settle for regular.” “It must be hard being you,” Bucky says dryly, and Clint laughs. “Anyway. What do you want?” “I was going to ask if I could come over,” Clint says. “But I think now it would be better if you came to my place instead.” Keep reading

feedmecookiesnow: not-the-blue: @fandomforoz art for @letsallsleepoverwork, who came up with the absolutely adorable idea of the hawkeyes...

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ruxiecat121: love-buckybarnes: A group of people were traveling in a boat. One of them took a drill and began to drill a hole beneath himself. His companions said to him: “Why are you doing this?” Replied the man: “What concern is it of yours? Am I not drilling under my own place?” Said they to him: “But you will flood the boat for us all!” (Quoted in Midrash Rabbah, Vayikra 4:6). It’s basically saying how one person’s action has a ripple affect of other people, much like the domino effect, one bad deed will affect many lives in a negative way. There’s a saying I learned a long time ago as a child. I didn’t understand it as well then as I do now.“Your freedom to swing your arm stops the moment your arm hits my face.” : ruxiecat121: love-buckybarnes: A group of people were traveling in a boat. One of them took a drill and began to drill a hole beneath himself. His companions said to him: “Why are you doing this?” Replied the man: “What concern is it of yours? Am I not drilling under my own place?” Said they to him: “But you will flood the boat for us all!” (Quoted in Midrash Rabbah, Vayikra 4:6). It’s basically saying how one person’s action has a ripple affect of other people, much like the domino effect, one bad deed will affect many lives in a negative way. There’s a saying I learned a long time ago as a child. I didn’t understand it as well then as I do now.“Your freedom to swing your arm stops the moment your arm hits my face.”

ruxiecat121: love-buckybarnes: A group of people were traveling in a boat. One of them took a drill and began to drill a hole beneath...

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phantomemes: sentences from the youtube series  ,  buzzfeed unsolved .  primarily taken from season 5′s supernatural investigations . “ it doesn’t matter because you’re dead ” “ it’s not impressive  ,  no one’s impressed ” “ the spot of your death is now a lovely gift shop ” “ as god as my witness  ,  he snapped him in half ” “ i seriously want you to throw something right at my face ” “ you can live in the cave ” “ i’m a big fan of your name ” “ the fact that you steal  ,  that’s really funny to me ” “ that’s the greatest thing to steal  :  a man’s joy ” “ because i’m a masochist ” “ i’m going to regret this ” “ i’ve lost the ability to feel ” “ they’re gonna fucking murder you ” “ the way you shushed me was quite rude ” “ cowards  ,  all of you ” “ i’m strange and off putting ” “ i should not feel confident in the face of any man ” “ here you are  ,  smiling in the face of the devil ” “ i hate bats ” “ bats sometimes carry rabies and that’s a thing i’m afraid of ” “ not today devil birds  ,  not today ” “ i think i’m blacking out right now ” “ i don’t think i’m going to remember this moment ” “ i think i’m gonna cry ” “ i keep forgetting there’s ghosts in here ” “ if you know me and my debilitating fear of bears  ,  this is my worst nightmare ” “ i’m standing on an altar alone ” “ maybe you’ll wake up in the middle of the night and eat your cat ” “ i’m so glad that’s over let’s go eat taco bell ” “ were you making horse noises ? ” “ in case any of you needed a reminder this place is a twisting nightmare ” “ there’s a good chance i’m gonna fart in here ” “ well this is horrifying ” “ let’s do each other a favor and not show ourselves to each other ” “ if you could do me a big solid and not do anything that would be sublime ” “ this is just as horrifying as i thought it would be ” “ you talk to hide from the silence ” “ do i look like the kind of man who could give advice ? ” “ several bad choices have lead me to this moment ” “ let’s play look at the ceiling tiles !  1 , 2 , 3 , 4 … ” “ i just wanna know if you think they have belly buttons ” “ i did meet some of the most insufferable people but they also met me ” “ if it sounds like a duck and walks like a duck ” : phantomemes: sentences from the youtube series  ,  buzzfeed unsolved .  primarily taken from season 5′s supernatural investigations . “ it doesn’t matter because you’re dead ” “ it’s not impressive  ,  no one’s impressed ” “ the spot of your death is now a lovely gift shop ” “ as god as my witness  ,  he snapped him in half ” “ i seriously want you to throw something right at my face ” “ you can live in the cave ” “ i’m a big fan of your name ” “ the fact that you steal  ,  that’s really funny to me ” “ that’s the greatest thing to steal  :  a man’s joy ” “ because i’m a masochist ” “ i’m going to regret this ” “ i’ve lost the ability to feel ” “ they’re gonna fucking murder you ” “ the way you shushed me was quite rude ” “ cowards  ,  all of you ” “ i’m strange and off putting ” “ i should not feel confident in the face of any man ” “ here you are  ,  smiling in the face of the devil ” “ i hate bats ” “ bats sometimes carry rabies and that’s a thing i’m afraid of ” “ not today devil birds  ,  not today ” “ i think i’m blacking out right now ” “ i don’t think i’m going to remember this moment ” “ i think i’m gonna cry ” “ i keep forgetting there’s ghosts in here ” “ if you know me and my debilitating fear of bears  ,  this is my worst nightmare ” “ i’m standing on an altar alone ” “ maybe you’ll wake up in the middle of the night and eat your cat ” “ i’m so glad that’s over let’s go eat taco bell ” “ were you making horse noises ? ” “ in case any of you needed a reminder this place is a twisting nightmare ” “ there’s a good chance i’m gonna fart in here ” “ well this is horrifying ” “ let’s do each other a favor and not show ourselves to each other ” “ if you could do me a big solid and not do anything that would be sublime ” “ this is just as horrifying as i thought it would be ” “ you talk to hide from the silence ” “ do i look like the kind of man who could give advice ? ” “ several bad choices have lead me to this moment ” “ let’s play look at the ceiling tiles !  1 , 2 , 3 , 4 … ” “ i just wanna know if you think they have belly buttons ” “ i did meet some of the most insufferable people but they also met me ” “ if it sounds like a duck and walks like a duck ”
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scifiseries: The Rampart Queen Keira Akin dedicated her life to making the world a better place. All her ambitions and aspirations seem to be coming true when she seals a big resources treaty between hostile governments in the Mesopotamian region, but everything starts going wrong. When masked gunmen try to assassinate the Senate Chairmen, forgotten instincts take over. Now Keira finds herself the focal point in a global war against impossible odds. Can she find it in herself to marshal hidden powers to save the whole Earth from disaster? The good news is she isn’t alone in this fight. A mysterious galactic organization steps in to help, but Keira is the one carrying the responsibility to save humanity from certain death. She must find four Knights to unlock her greatest power, but there’s a problem. Not only does Keira not know who they are, they don’t even know who they are. They don’t know anything about the war or their secret destiny. Worst of all, becoming Queen of Earth might just mean the end of all Keira holds dear. Is she really ready to sacrifice her hopes and dreams to become something altogether new and unknown? : scifiseries: The Rampart Queen Keira Akin dedicated her life to making the world a better place. All her ambitions and aspirations seem to be coming true when she seals a big resources treaty between hostile governments in the Mesopotamian region, but everything starts going wrong. When masked gunmen try to assassinate the Senate Chairmen, forgotten instincts take over. Now Keira finds herself the focal point in a global war against impossible odds. Can she find it in herself to marshal hidden powers to save the whole Earth from disaster? The good news is she isn’t alone in this fight. A mysterious galactic organization steps in to help, but Keira is the one carrying the responsibility to save humanity from certain death. She must find four Knights to unlock her greatest power, but there’s a problem. Not only does Keira not know who they are, they don’t even know who they are. They don’t know anything about the war or their secret destiny. Worst of all, becoming Queen of Earth might just mean the end of all Keira holds dear. Is she really ready to sacrifice her hopes and dreams to become something altogether new and unknown?

scifiseries: The Rampart Queen Keira Akin dedicated her life to making the world a better place. All her ambitions and aspirations seem...

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scifiseries: The Rampart Queen Keira Akin dedicated her life to making the world a better place. All her ambitions and aspirations seem to be coming true when she seals a big resources treaty between hostile governments in the Mesopotamian region, but everything starts going wrong. When masked gunmen try to assassinate the Senate Chairmen, forgotten instincts take over. Now Keira finds herself the focal point in a global war against impossible odds. Can she find it in herself to marshal hidden powers to save the whole Earth from disaster? The good news is she isn’t alone in this fight. A mysterious galactic organization steps in to help, but Keira is the one carrying the responsibility to save humanity from certain death. She must find four Knights to unlock her greatest power, but there’s a problem. Not only does Keira not know who they are, they don’t even know who they are. They don’t know anything about the war or their secret destiny. Worst of all, becoming Queen of Earth might just mean the end of all Keira holds dear. Is she really ready to sacrifice her hopes and dreams to become something altogether new and unknown? : scifiseries: The Rampart Queen Keira Akin dedicated her life to making the world a better place. All her ambitions and aspirations seem to be coming true when she seals a big resources treaty between hostile governments in the Mesopotamian region, but everything starts going wrong. When masked gunmen try to assassinate the Senate Chairmen, forgotten instincts take over. Now Keira finds herself the focal point in a global war against impossible odds. Can she find it in herself to marshal hidden powers to save the whole Earth from disaster? The good news is she isn’t alone in this fight. A mysterious galactic organization steps in to help, but Keira is the one carrying the responsibility to save humanity from certain death. She must find four Knights to unlock her greatest power, but there’s a problem. Not only does Keira not know who they are, they don’t even know who they are. They don’t know anything about the war or their secret destiny. Worst of all, becoming Queen of Earth might just mean the end of all Keira holds dear. Is she really ready to sacrifice her hopes and dreams to become something altogether new and unknown?

scifiseries: The Rampart Queen Keira Akin dedicated her life to making the world a better place. All her ambitions and aspirations seem...

Save
scifiseries: The Rampart Queen Keira Akin dedicated her life to making the world a better place. All her ambitions and aspirations seem to be coming true when she seals a big resources treaty between hostile governments in the Mesopotamian region, but everything starts going wrong. When masked gunmen try to assassinate the Senate Chairmen, forgotten instincts take over. Now Keira finds herself the focal point in a global war against impossible odds. Can she find it in herself to marshal hidden powers to save the whole Earth from disaster? The good news is she isn’t alone in this fight. A mysterious galactic organization steps in to help, but Keira is the one carrying the responsibility to save humanity from certain death. She must find four Knights to unlock her greatest power, but there’s a problem. Not only does Keira not know who they are, they don’t even know who they are. They don’t know anything about the war or their secret destiny. Worst of all, becoming Queen of Earth might just mean the end of all Keira holds dear. Is she really ready to sacrifice her hopes and dreams to become something altogether new and unknown? : scifiseries: The Rampart Queen Keira Akin dedicated her life to making the world a better place. All her ambitions and aspirations seem to be coming true when she seals a big resources treaty between hostile governments in the Mesopotamian region, but everything starts going wrong. When masked gunmen try to assassinate the Senate Chairmen, forgotten instincts take over. Now Keira finds herself the focal point in a global war against impossible odds. Can she find it in herself to marshal hidden powers to save the whole Earth from disaster? The good news is she isn’t alone in this fight. A mysterious galactic organization steps in to help, but Keira is the one carrying the responsibility to save humanity from certain death. She must find four Knights to unlock her greatest power, but there’s a problem. Not only does Keira not know who they are, they don’t even know who they are. They don’t know anything about the war or their secret destiny. Worst of all, becoming Queen of Earth might just mean the end of all Keira holds dear. Is she really ready to sacrifice her hopes and dreams to become something altogether new and unknown?

scifiseries: The Rampart Queen Keira Akin dedicated her life to making the world a better place. All her ambitions and aspirations seem...

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