🔥 Popular | Latest

Advice, Ass, and Bad: the biggest lie, i think, the intemet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny ittle twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon ike a dragon...a creature with more wealth and power than any other creature on the planet..a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign to take humanoid formwould look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard whose own father doesn't even love them and go...yeah I'd like to fuck that Counterpoint, my good man: Bragonsuck Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big Charisma stat. If I'm Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and jewels I'm not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling twink with a lyre. I would have standards. dragons are SUPER horny counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPER horny they've got better prospects than spindly little bards!lll They could be off fucking cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!ll They could be having sex with kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons, so much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who hasn't washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon's lairl I don't care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is not going to bitel When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can't at least True Polymorph to make things interesting you're right but please shut up you are actively ruining my 10 strength half-elf twink bard's sexual prospects with this post OP is right and they should say it Dragon Bf Giont Gnol Gobin Haiting Koboid Spite As we can see from this most excellent chart, dragons can and will fuck anything. Even humans do not compare. The only species that can match dragons for homy-ness is, in fact, nymphs. Therefore your twinky-ass lil bard has as good a chance as anyone. Go forth and thot your way through your DM's carefully planned Big Bad encounter and fuck the dragon. I'm not even sure where I stand on this argument but I absolutely need to keep that chart for reference, so That chart is not proof that a dragon would fuck anything and youre a charlatan for pretending it does!!! That is a crossbreeding chart not a horny chart, and it says right on it that what it is tracking is the likelyhood that a union between two races would yield offspring. It is NOT saying that a dragon WILL fuck any of those creatures, just that doing so would result in a half-dragon child If anything this just proves siderealsandman's point the dragon could have any creature or being under the sun so why the fuck would it ever settle for a shitty PC and their+1 light leather amor. What's the bard gonna say?? You should fuck me because you techically can?? That bitch getting sauteed OP IS CORRECT SORRY BUT THE TWINK BARD ISNT GETTING ANY DRAGON ASS a dragon fucked a donkey in shrek, your argument is invalid Don't bring shrek into this OH YEAH?? YOU WANNA DO THIS?? FINE CLASS TRAITS OF A BARD 1) Your spells inspire and invigorate your allies-Donkey's role in the film was to inspire and invigorate Shrek to begin his hero's quest and keep him on his path 2) You channel magical power through words and music Doney never stopped talking or singing. That was his THING 3) Key abilities: Charisma, Intelligence, Constitution- Do we even need to question this?? Charisma - he managed to convince a dragon to fuck him He gave both Fiona and Shrek the pep-talk they needed to come to terms with their feelings. Intelligence-He's COLOR BLIND and stl managed to figure out the flowers Fiona asked for. Constitution-dude you saw the shit he managed to survive in that movie CONCLUSION-SHREK IS A DND CAMPAIGN, DONKEY IS A BARD THAT SEDUCED THE DRAGON. NEVER QUESTION ME IN MY HOUSE AGAIN advice-animal: How to Fuck your Dragon
Save
Ass, Bad, and Beautiful: the biggest lie, i think, the intemet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny ittle twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon ike a dragon...a creature with more wealth and power than any other creature on the planet..a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign to take humanoid formwould look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard whose own father doesn't even love them and go...yeah I'd like to fuck that Counterpoint, my good man: Bragonsuck Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big Charisma stat. If I'm Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and jewels I'm not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling twink with a lyre. I would have standards. dragons are SUPER horny counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPER horny they've got better prospects than spindly little bards!lll They could be off fucking cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!ll They could be having sex with kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons, so much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who hasn't washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon's lairl I don't care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is not going to bitel When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can't at least True Polymorph to make things interesting you're right but please shut up you are actively ruining my 10 strength half-elf twink bard's sexual prospects with this post OP is right and they should say it Dragon Bf Giont Gnol Gobin Haiting Koboid Spite As we can see from this most excellent chart, dragons can and will fuck anything. Even humans do not compare. The only species that can match dragons for homy-ness is, in fact, nymphs. Therefore your twinky-ass lil bard has as good a chance as anyone. Go forth and thot your way through your DM's carefully planned Big Bad encounter and fuck the dragon. I'm not even sure where I stand on this argument but I absolutely need to keep that chart for reference, so That chart is not proof that a dragon would fuck anything and youre a charlatan for pretending it does!!! That is a crossbreeding chart not a horny chart, and it says right on it that what it is tracking is the likelyhood that a union between two races would yield offspring. It is NOT saying that a dragon WILL fuck any of those creatures, just that doing so would result in a half-dragon child If anything this just proves siderealsandman's point the dragon could have any creature or being under the sun so why the fuck would it ever settle for a shitty PC and their+1 light leather amor. What's the bard gonna say?? You should fuck me because you techically can?? That bitch getting sauteed OP IS CORRECT SORRY BUT THE TWINK BARD ISNT GETTING ANY DRAGON ASS a dragon fucked a donkey in shrek, your argument is invalid Don't bring shrek into this OH YEAH?? YOU WANNA DO THIS?? FINE CLASS TRAITS OF A BARD 1) Your spells inspire and invigorate your allies-Donkey's role in the film was to inspire and invigorate Shrek to begin his hero's quest and keep him on his path 2) You channel magical power through words and music Doney never stopped talking or singing. That was his THING 3) Key abilities: Charisma, Intelligence, Constitution- Do we even need to question this?? Charisma - he managed to convince a dragon to fuck him He gave both Fiona and Shrek the pep-talk they needed to come to terms with their feelings. Intelligence-He's COLOR BLIND and stl managed to figure out the flowers Fiona asked for. Constitution-dude you saw the shit he managed to survive in that movie CONCLUSION-SHREK IS A DND CAMPAIGN, DONKEY IS A BARD THAT SEDUCED THE DRAGON. NEVER QUESTION ME IN MY HOUSE AGAIN How to Fuck your Dragon
Save
Ass, Books, and Christmas: Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher) Dad: Why the hell did vou put a comma there? Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is? Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time Dad: Who should 1 dress up as for the movie premier? Dad: Hey are you awake? 1 know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. 1 need you to read this report. 1 can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit. Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for doesn't care. 1 hate her Dad: 1 need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet. her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know 1 don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math. Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and 1 have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations. Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book. Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book 1 stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it. Dad: "puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that 1 read them* Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society You aren't my son. Leave Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all 1 can afford, so ... Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass. Dad:I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know Dad: Fuck the government Dad: Fuck the school board. Dad: Close the door Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and 1 hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha, DICKens. Dad:I love puns. Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes Dad: Please shut up Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music Dad: fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and 1 almost told her to get out. Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen. Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too Dad: If1 have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, 1 will kill them both. Dad: They act like 1 care what they think. Dad: I hate homework. Dad: 1 have decided to become a politician. Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed. JAN VIA THISISANATATTACK "I TEACH SO MANY ALESHAS SO MANY 399a2NOTE An English teacher, uncensored
Save