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Beautiful, Bored, and Head: Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix: The professor told his class one day: Today we will ex- periment with a new form called the tandem story The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As home- work tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that para- graph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another para- graph to the story and send it back, also sending an- other copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be ab- solutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and any- thing you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a con- clusion has been reached." The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the second paragraph by Gary) Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the ####pit. (Rebecca) He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peace ful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Per- manently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news si- multaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and care- free, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully Gary) Little did she know, but she had less than 10 sec- onds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien em- pires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile en- tered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie. (Rebecca) This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvin- istic semi-literate adolescent. Gary) Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F-KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!" Gary) B*tch. (Rebecca) F K YOU-YOU NEANDERTHALI In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea. A+ Ireally liked this one. epicjohndoe: A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’
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Assassination, Definitely, and England: 50 THINGS YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW "1- RUBBER BANDS LAST LONGER WHEN REFRIGERATED 2-PEANUTS ARE ONE OF THE INGREDIENTS OF DYNAMITE 3- THERE ARE 293 WAYS TO MAKE CHANGE FOR A DOLLAR * 4-THE AVERAGE PERSON'S LEFT HAND DOES 56% OF THE TYPING 5- A SHARK IS THE ONLY FISH THAT CAN BLINK WITH BOTH EYES. 6- THERE ARE MORE CHICKENS THAN PEOPLE IN THE WORLD 7- THE LONGEST ONE-SYLLABLE WORD IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IS "SCREECHED. 8- ON A CANADIAN TWO-DOLLAR BILL, THE FLAG FLYING OVER THE PARLIAMENT BUILDING IS AN AMERICAN FLAG. 9- ALL OF THE CLOCKS IN THE MOVIE "PULP FICTION" ARE STUCK ON 4:20 10 NO WORD IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE RHYMES WITH MONTH, ORANGE, SILVER OR PURPLE 11-"DREAMT IS THE ONLY ENGLISH WORD THAT ENDS IN THE LETTERS "MT 12-ALMONDS ARE A MEMBER OF THE PEACH FAMILY 13- THERE ARE ONLY 4 WORDS IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE WHICH END IN DOUS TREMENDOUS, HORRENDOUS, STUPENDOUS, AND HAZARDOUS 14-A CAT HAS 32 MUSCLES IN EACH EAR. " 15- AN OSTRICH'S EYE IS BIGGER THAN ITS BRAIN 16- TIGERS HAVE STRIPED SKIN, NOT JUST STRIPED FUR. " 17- IN MOST ADVERTISEMENTS, THE TIME DISPLAYED ON A WATCH IS 10:10 18- AL CAPONE'S BUSINESS CARD SAID HE WAS A USED FURNITURE DEALER " 19- THE CHARACTERS BERT & ERNIE ON SESAME STREET WERE NAMED AFTER BERT THE COP AND ERNIE THE TAXI DRIVER IN FRANK CAPRA'S "ITS A WONDERFULLIFE 20- A DRAGONFLY HAS A LIFE SPAN OF 1-6 MONTHS 21- A GOLDFISH HAS A MEMORY SPAN OF 3 SECONDS 22- ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO SNEEZE WITH YOUR EYES OPEN. 23- THE GIANT SQUID HAS THE LARGEST EYES IN THE WORLD 24- IN ENGLAND, THE SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE IS NOT ALLOWED TO SPEAK. 25- THE MICROWAVE WAS INVENTED AFTER A RESEARCHER WALKED BY A RADAR TUBE AND A CHOCOLATE BAR MELTED IN HIS POCKE 26- THE AVERAGE PERSON FALLS ASLEEP IN SEVEN MINUTES. 27- THERE ARE 336 DIMPLES ON A REGULATION GOLF BALL 28-THE AVERAGE HUMAN EATS 8 SPIDERS IN THEIR LIFETIME AT NIGHT 29- A COCKROACH CAN LIVE NINE DAYS WITHOUT ITS HEAD BEFORE IT STARVES TO DEATH 30- A POLAR BEAR'S SKIN IS BLACK. ITS FUR IS NOT WHITE, BUT ACTUALLY CLEAR. 31- ELVIS HAD A TWIN BROTHER NAMED AARON, WHO DIED AT BIRTH, WHICH IS WHY ELVIS MIDDLE NAME WAS SPELLED ARON: IN HONOR OF HIS BROTHER. IT IS ALSO MIS SPELLED ON HIS TOMB STONE 32- DONALD DUCK COMICS WERE BANNED IN FINLAND BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WEAR PANTS 33- MORE PEOPLE ARE KILLED BY DONKEYS ANNUALLY THAN ARE KILLED IN PLANE CRASHES. 34- STEWARDESSES IS THE LONGEST WORD TYPED WITH ONLY THE LEFT HAND. 35- SHAKESPEARE INVENTED THE WORDS "ASSASSINATION" AND "BUMP." 36- MARILYN MONROE HAD 6 TOES ON ONE FOOT. (NOT TRUE, WE'RE TOLDI) 37- IF YOU KEEP A GOLDFISH IN THE DARK ROOM, IT WILL EVENTUALLY TURN WHITE. 38-WOMEN BLINK NEARLY TWICE AS MUCH AS MEN 39- RIGHT-HANDED PEOPLE LIVE, ON AVERAGE, NINE YEARS LONGER THAN LEFT HANDED PEOPLE DO *40- THE SENTENCE "THE QUICK BROWN FOX JUMPS OVER THE LAZY DOG USES EVERY LETTER IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE *41- THE NAMES OF THE CONTINENTS ALL END WITH THE SAME LETTER WITH WHICH THEY START 42- TYPEWRITER IS THE LONGEST WORD THAT CAN BE MADE USING THE LETTERS ON ONLY ONE ROW OF THE KEYBOARD 43- THE WORD RACECAR AND KAYAK ARE THE SAME WHETHER THEY ARE READ LEFT TO RIGHT OR RIGHT TO LEFT 44- A SNAIL CAN SLEEP FOR 3 YEARS 45- AMERICAN AIRLINES SAVED $40,000 IN 1987 BY ELIMINATING ONE OLIVE FROM EACH SALAD SERVED IN FIRST-CLASS 46- THE ELECTRIC CHAIR WAS INVENTED BY A DENTIST 47- VATICAN CITY IS THE SMALLEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD WITH A POPULATION OF 1,000 AND A SIZE OF 108.7 ACRES 48-"I AM" IS THE SHORTEST COMPLETE SENTENCE IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE * 49- NO PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES WAS AN ONLY CHILD AND LAST AND DEFINITELY MOST IMPORTANT 50- THE AVERAGE CHOCOLATE BAR HAS 8 INSECTS LEGS IN IT l KNOW SO MUCH NOW lolmeme.th Some of these are not true, but wich ones?

Some of these are not true, but wich ones?

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