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Bad, Blunts, and Dad: 50% COOL WAYS TO SAY ND TO WEED 1. Are you kidding me? Grow up 26.1 was raised right, I won't light. 2. Ganja is for goons, no thanks. 27. I'd like to keep my job, thanks. 3. Get a job you hippie wastoid. 28. You wish, pot junker! Back off 4. No thanks, I'm a good person. 29. I'm calling the Coast Guard 5.You need to go to jail, hempo. 30. No tokes for me. l'm cool 6. My dad told me better, no way. 31. Leave me be, you blunt blazer! 7. Grass is crass, also gross! Nol 32. No, I'm as clean as a whistle. 8. Uhhh.. no thanks loser! 9. Get away from me, THC addict. 34. I'll pass on your pot offer. 10. Yeah right, I'm way too smart. 35. Cannabis is crap, you cretin! 11. Let me think... No way, never. 36. Pish posh, pot is for the birds! 12. No. You are trash if you toke. 37. Nope. THC is not for me. 13. Back off, bucko. You're bad. 38. Step out of my zone, now. 14. I would rather not, okay? 39. Get off my case, weed stoner 15. Injecting weed is for dummies. 40. Nuh uh, I respect the police. 16. I will never do one toke. 17. Absolutely not, I love myself. 42. NOI Blunts are for bad men. 18. Get a grip you sativa snorter 43. I'd rather not die. Tokes kill. 19. Bugger off, you bong addict 44. No, weeds are for whacking. 20. I will use my taser on yu. 45. Marijuana is for morons, ok? 21. What do I look like? A failure 46. Are you serious? Get a life. 22. Nah, bongs are wrong 23. No way Hemp is horible 48. Stoners are loners. I'm good 24. I'd rather not be a canniba. 49. Nope! Spliffs are for wimps 25.I don't think so, l'm 33. That's a death "roach." No. 41. Lay off,I isten to the law. ay o 47. You're domb if you do "dank." m nice. 50. No, man. I follow MMYV www.facebook.com/MMYVofficial 13/10 choose 20 and 29!

13/10 choose 20 and 29!

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Fail, Family, and Feminism: I swear, one more "lol men are mediocre" post crosses my dash and I'm going to completely lose it. Like... is that something you'd say to the face of the men in your life? There is probably at least one guy you care about, whether it's a family member or a friend or a former mentor. Could you really look that person in the face and go Imao men are mediocre? And if not, can you maybe consider that they might stumble across your stupid stupid, stupid poorly-considered rant and think that it's about them? And that's not all. Most of y'all who post this crap consider yourselves to be SJWs. Fighting for the fucking side of right, all that. If you do this-if you constantly post about how men are terrible and mediocre- you're fucking terrible at social justice. Have you considered that your PROTECT XYZ GROUP] AT ALL COSTS rhetoric is completely empty and shallow if you're not willing to protect all members of that group? Have you fucking considered that some men are POC or queer or trans or disabled? If you post "DISABLED PEOPLE ARE AWESOME" and "QUEER PEOPLE ARE AWESOME" every five minutes and then follow it up with "LOL MEN THO, we know how you really feel. Your support for disabled people or queer people only extends to vague internet platitudes. When it comes to, you know, not triggering people with depression, or anxiety, or impostor syndrome? Haha, who cares, there are men to make fun of on the internet! In less pretentious language: your support means jackshit. Social justice is supposed to be about making the world a less shitty place. It's supposed to be about making the world a place where no one gets hurt for things they can't help, no matter what race, creed, or gender they happen to be If you're not willing to do that? If you're more interested in petty, mean bullshit against a group you don't like than helping people? If your "SJ" is more about sticking it to men or white people or str8s or The Cis than it is about helping raise the people you want to help out? You fucking fail at justice. You're looking for an excuse to be mean. Either admit that you just want an excuse to be mean, or stop doing this. Shit or get off the pot. Signed: A queer, trans, disabled man who is so tired of your crap you don't even know #about teh menz #men and feminism #sj malarkey #general malarkey #twitter malarkey #teminist malarkey #(goddammit stop making me use the feminist malarkey tag) #(i AM a feminist) #(y'all are gonna drive me to drink) #the earl speaks拱he earl rants See all 1.279 notes A perfect response for tumble feminist
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Butt, Community, and Crush: penfairy I visited the museum and I heard two bros in the dinosaur exhibit having an earnest discussion about the best way to kill a T-Rex with a sword and what kind of armour should be worn into the battle and they spoke with such passion I really wish the scientific community could have heard them. I'd love to know how palaeontologists would weigh in on The Great Debate penfairy For instance, was the bro in the weed shorts right? is it pointless to wear heavy armour when battling a T-Rex? Is it truly better to go into battle naked wielding dual swords? Or was the bro in the backwards cap correct? Should you go for a double-handed sword and iron armour? Will light bouncing off the armour really confuse and blind the beast? Realistically, what protection is armour against a dinosaur? Was Weed Shorts right when he proposed to use his superior agility to slash its tendons and stab the eyes when he brought it down? Or was Backwards Cap right when he said charge and slash open its sot belly?? What is the truth??17? excessively-english-little-b Hello, palaeontologist-in-training herel Thought I'd have a litte think into this because hey, who wants to do coursework on trilobites when you could be considering T, rex instead? Light and maneuverable is probably best when facing a rex. It's big and t's powerful but it's not going to making any quick sharp tums any time soon. According to our current estimates, a T rex would be able to crush a small car with its jaws, so realistically, no amount of armour is gonna protect you if it grabs you If the T. rex manages to grab you you re dead regardless. It could probably eat you within a couple of bites if it was trying Figures 1 & 2: Theoretical T. rex bite-force model fucking up a mini. Thank you, Bill Oddie and BBC's The Truth About Killer Dinosaurs. As far as armour goes, lighter is better, and at the end of the day isn't going to mean shit anyway. T rex can't slash at you with claws, so it's bite or bust, and if it bites YOU'RE bust So, lets say a point to Weed Shorts. Why NOT fight a T rex butt naked with swords T rex had good binocular vision. Dont believe Jurassic Park's lies-T rex was a hunter and could probably see you brilliantly whether you moved or not. " .That said, a T rex's eyesight will work about the same as modem birds of prey. Think hawk, or eagle. I reckon light bouncing off anything would be a fairly minor hindrance, or at least, wouldn't affect it any more than any other hunting bird. So, using light to blind and confuse the rex? May potentially work but might be hard and wouldn't do much for long. Don't rely on this for strategy τ rex actually had gastralia, sometimes called 'belly-ribs. protected and supported the internal organs. There would also be some seriously thick abdominal muscles to get through. Unless you're planning to do some precision stabbing with a very long sword, chances are you're not gonna be killing a rex by slicing open it's stomach. Also, being under its stomach is gonna put you in-reach of the Jaws of Death. These " I'm not sure how easy it would be, or how well it would work, to try and cut a T rex's tendons. Theoretically, sounds like it should work. However you're gonna need a lot of strength to get through them, probably I'd personally cut the throat rather than stab through the eyes once the rex is down, but that's probably personal preference. Once you've felled it, it's dead either wayl A T. rex unable to hunt is a dead T rex . Gastralia Figure 3: The gastralia of a T. rex. Bless u Scott Hartman for your skeletal As far as attack goes, the belly is not as weak a s pot as it seems. So, point to Weed Shorts on his execution plan. Sounds pretty solid. Overall, I'd say that Weed Shorts had the best plan to defeat the mighty Tyrannosaurus rex. If you ever see him again, congratulate him on his solid plan of attack My favorite thing about paleontologists (and any scientist really, but paleontologists in particular) is that you can ask them COMPLETELY BATSHIT INSANE questions and by God, they will give you a completely Serious answer Source penfairy move it #trex #dinosaurs #go for the throat is how wolverine did it #science side of tumblr So you need to sword fight a T. rex
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Cats, Dogs, and Drunk: 20 Students Were Asked "What's The Laziest Thing You've Ever Done? Some Of These Answers Are Pure Genius 1. Called the restaurant to send the waiter back to my table 2. I have a dog and a cat, and I HATE sleeping with the door open. Sometimes dog wants to sleep in the bedroom, sometimes dog wants to sleep outside the bedroom. But he never decides until I'm comfy in bed. Solution? Keep a laser pointer on my nightstand. Once dog decides where he's sleeping, I'll shine the laser pointer on the door so that my cat paws it closed. It has now become a routine that my cat will wait by the door for the laser before laying down 3. Shot 10 Nerf darts at my light switch, from bed. Missed all of them and slept with the lights on 4. I downloaded a movie instead of going 5. Drove to class. Escalators up to third floor 6. Not me, but a buddy of mine was laying in upstairs to grab the DVD classroom were broken. Went home. bed one morning. Picked his nose and had no where to put it put it back in his nose 7. I tried to skip to the good part of a 33 second Youtube video 8. TV remote was2 feet out of reach, so l downloaded the remote control app instead. 9. I once watched 2 hours of antique roadshow because the cat jumped up in front of the TV sensor as I was flicking through channels and fell asleep 10. Used to have one of those 'clap on, clap off lights in my room. I hated clapping so I just made an audio recording of me clapping and mapped it to one of the programmable keys on my keyboard 11. I had BBQ sauce on my cheek at a restaurant. Rather than get up to grab a napkin, I used a piece of bread to wipe it off and then ate it 12. Attached my dog's leash to my RC monster truck car and walked her around the cul-de-sac with it... all from the comfort of my living room 13. I always heat things in the microwave for 1:11 or 2:22 because I'm too lazy to move my fingers to the 0 before I hit start. 14. I was drunk one night and decided the bathroom was too far away. So I peed in my cats litter box. Didn't feel like cleaning it up in the morning so I just threw the whole litter box in the garbage 15. My roommate and I arranged our dorm room to be "lazy-capable." One person was able to reach the mini fridge and light switch from her bed, and the other could reach the the window and AC/ heat from her bed.. we never fought again 16. Eating my food directly from the pot to eliminate dishes. I hate washing dishes 17. Spent a half hour searching for a torrent to download a textbook that I had left in another room 18. Washed bed sheets. Didn't put the sheets on till 2 months later. 19. I purchased a 1000 pack of disposable plates and cutlery 20. My dishes were piling up in my dorm room and they were starting to smell a bit. I didn't want to wash them yet, so I sprayed them with febreze Whats the laziest thing you have ever done? This is hilarious

Whats the laziest thing you have ever done? This is hilarious

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Being Alone, Beautiful, and Children: My son told me about a dead woman with blue skin, no hair, and black eyes who supposedly lived in our old follow us outside and try to get in our car but there was no room so she stood outside and watched us leave while I work with kids on the autism spectrum. One of them said: They can see us, but we can't see them." My daughter (age 3) woke me up in the middle of the night "momma, do you hear that breathingItold her that was me breathing, She said in a low voice "no momma, be very quiet and lilsten". I didn't hear anything but we slept with lights on the rest of the months early. Spent almost 3 months in the hospltal. As soon as my son and daughter in law brought her home, every now and then they would smell cigarette smole in the house and nelther of them smoked. Isabella would point to the walls whenever this would mom, known as Mimi. As soon as Isabella started talking she would ask about Mimi. 1 am not a church gaing girl!! She's4 now and still occasionally out of the blue will say she misses One night, when my daughter was 2 years old, she woke and could not get in bed and 1 took our daughter on my lap under a blanket in a chair. We were both a bit drowsy when she suddenly raised up her head and said:"Hello" towards the wall where the door was. As my heart started racing, she as if she was on the phone with She stopped when I called my husband. I jokingly asked: "What's the best way 7-year-old's response: "Tell her to be my girlfriend or she'll never see her passing me cake". I dutifully eat each "It was poison. You died." Oh, okay She then proceeded to "chop me up mix my chopped parts with some spice in a pot, and then serve the resulting Edit We have a lot of these, figured that'd be the one you guys would get the most kick out of, but we have quite I was babysitting a family friend's kid and it was just the two of us in the whispered to me: "We're not alone in My son was4 years old at the time, we and he got this really scared look on his face and said he wanted to go back inside. I asked him what was wrong and he pointed to the street (where nothing was there) and said the monster was staring at him. Seeing as how I krnow children can see things we cannot, I took that baby inside and said a prayer! My youngest daughter, who is now 25 used to wake up in middle of the night between ages 3 and 7 and tell me the beautiful angel was in her room watching over her, and that she was dressed in white with glorious white wings. She would say don't you see how beautiful she is mommy? Many years later between 18 and 22 once again the lady in white would show up, and even speal to her. There was one time L actually heard someone say, are yo alright with my own ears plain as day me, she turned around and look at me and said, why wouldn't I be okay? That's when it dawned on me our angel was asking her and I had the pleasure if and stories will I want to thank you all for your contribution children related story, either it's creepy, sacd, fun or strange, and you consider it worthy of sharing, don't forget to send it to me at Kids can say creepy things ( Part 10)

Kids can say creepy things ( Part 10)

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Af, Beer, and Candy: 10 TRICKS APPEAR SMART IN MEETINGS Lhe everyone, appearing smt in meesings is my top priority Somesmes this can be doydreaming about your nest vacasion your net na bacon. When This happens it's goad to have some falback ricks to fa tricks bo quickly appear smart duing meetings #1 DRAW A VENN DIAGRAM in fact, the t move inacourate the beer blons you'e put we dont xacty he and how big the cc h At his point, you can o playing Candy Grush and go back the weet #2 TRANSLATE PERCENTAGES INTO FRACTIONS ast of people se obout buton," quicky a note of t Everyone w,od ther head in agreement srety mpressed and enviu of #3 ENCOURAGE EVERYONE TO "TAKE A STEP BACK" There comes a point a ctep boc t point to go, "Ouys, guys, bought yourser another hour of ooking smart #4 NOD CONTINUOUSLY WHILE PRETENDING TO TAKE NOTES way bring a noed with you Your rojaction of ntence that #5 REPEAT THE LAST THING THE ENGINEER SAID, BUT VERY VERY SLOWLY his divine that epet esactly what he hs brillance bs #6 ASK "WILL THIS SCALE?" NO MATTER WHAT IT IS No one even realy Will this scaler #7 PACE AROUND THE ROOM Walk around around, dont espect them I know ido ean agaret me aking out and won daring what youh hinking #8 ASK THE PRESENTER TO GO BACK A SLIDE Could you go back one glider Donthave anything t pot our #9 STEP OUT FOR A VERY IMPORTANT PHONE CALL wen you stop out af a for an "imposant Sorry I have to take this.. rece jant how busy and mportant you s important,s mone important thn not bother him #10 MAKE FUN OF YOURSELF I haven't heard anythiny youve naid for tihe pas heur Bay ings ike "Maybe we awyers tron ooking parn in the Like Deadpool said, Maximum effort

Like Deadpool said, Maximum effort

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